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“What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Heard Someone Say While Giving A Wedding Toast?” (30 Answers)
Interview With Expert
Giving a toast at a wedding can be a daunting task. In 2022, there were over two million marriages in total in the U.S. That's more than two million chances for a great or terrible speech. Most guests want to hear a speech that's not too long, somewhat humorous, and, most importantly, without any inappropriate remarks toward the bride and groom.
But not every person who makes a wedding toast gets that memo. Most people who have been to a wedding or two have witnessed a speech that made all the guests look sideways and cringe in embarrassment. Wanting to know some of these stories, one netizen decided to ask others to share their wildest stories. "Giving a toast at a wedding is common," the person wrote. "What's the worst thing you've heard someone say while they were giving one?"
"A truly great wedding toast is all about balancing heartfelt emotions with a sprinkle of humor and relatability," wedding planner Jamie Wolfer tells Bored Panda. She gave our readers more tips on how to craft a perfect wedding toast and shared the most memorable speech gone wrong from her years of wedding planning.
More info: Wolfer & Co | Jamie Wolfer on YouTube | The Union Podcast
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
At my wedding the best man, who grew up with my husband, was very nervous to give his toast. He began strong talking about their friendship and ended with how he wished us the very best for "as long as they are married". Our friends and family burst out laughing. He faced-palmed and corrected himself. We've been married 46 years and he still hasn't lived it down!
LaserBrain 5 months ago (edited)
Finally a non cringy one, just nerves and they can all have a laugh about it afterwards...
There are six elements to giving an excellent wedding toast, Jamie Wolfer, a wedding planner at Wolfer & Co., tells Bored Panda. The first two are introduction and expressing gratitude.
"Start by introducing yourself," Wolfer suggests. "The DJ probably already announced your name, so no need to say, 'For those who don't know me...' Just a simple, 'Hi everyone, I'm Jamie, the bride's sister,' works perfectly."
Then, thank the bride and groom for including you in their special day. "You can also thank the parents or anyone who played a significant role in the wedding. It's a great opportunity to show appreciation for the beautiful day, the food, and the company."
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#2
I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows:
"May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you're finished, nothing but a greasy box."
The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them.
#3
Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): "You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!"
Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.
A great toast should be personal to the newlyweds. "Share a funny or sweet story about your relationship with the person you're closest to in the couple," the wedding planner advises. "For example, I once shared a story about my sister and I dressing up in our mom's nightgowns and pretending to be a bride and bridesmaid. It was both nostalgic and funny."
Even if you're not a seasoned veteran of life, offer the newlyweds some wisdom. That can include some heartfelt advice or well-wishes for the couple's future. Keep it genuine, though – no one likes clichés. And to end the toast, close with a salutation. "Something like, 'Now, if everyone can raise a glass to the bride and groom, here's to a lifetime of love and happiness. Cheers!'" Wolfer suggests. "Simple, sweet, and to the point."
The most important thing is to be confident during your speech. "Own that stage!" Jamie says. "Even if you're nervous, fake it till you make it. No one knows if you skip a part, so just keep going."
#4
Best man speech: "Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person ." and yeah Jackie was not very attractive.
Auntriarch 5 months ago (edited)
Twatbasket. If the best man is going to insult anyone, it's the groom not the bride
#5
At my sister’s wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese.
#6
Drunk maid of (dis)honor disclosed that she’d hat-tricked the bride - slept with new husband (before he and bride started dating but still, and bride was unaware), bride’s brother, and bride’s dad. She started out great but was too drunk to read her prepared notes and decided to wing it instead. That first dance after dinner was pretty awkward, as bride’s parents were very much married, and during it everyone in the room silently did the math on her conquests based on pertinent details and realized she wasn’t 18 for any of the 3 encounters.
I was at a table of people who all kinda disliked the bride and even we all felt awful for her, it was so bad.
Wedding cost more than my current house, and was held at a yacht club that revoked the family’s membership on a morality clause the following day.
Auntriarch 5 months ago
A whole table full of people who "kinda disliked the bride"!? I mean that's not a good sign to start with.
We also asked Jamie what are some don'ts when it comes to giving a toast to the newlyweds. First, avoid inside jokes. "I know, inside jokes can be hilarious, but remember, you're speaking to a room full of people, not just your best friend," Jamie says. "If you must include one, make sure it's something that can be easily understood by the majority of the audience."
#7
My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.
Auntriarch 5 months ago
Reading some of the other excerpts from best man speeches, it was probably for the best
#8
Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with “breast wishes” to the couple. It was so awkward.
#9
The father of the bride said my daughters brought some losers over the years and this is the worst one , but...
"Don't be crass," Wolfer moves on to the second rule. "Keep it classy, folks. This isn't the time to share that wild story from the bachelor or bachelorette party. Be sensitive to the couple's wishes and avoid any profanity or inappropriate anecdotes that might make Grandma blush."
One mistake that some people make before giving a toast is indulging in some serious drinking. "Don't drink too much before your speech," Wolfer warns. "A little liquid courage might seem like a good idea, but it can quickly turn into a rambling, awkward mess. Trust me, everyone will thank you for keeping it together."
#10
Best man said, "I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!" I'm not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified.
#11
My father opened his speech at my sister's wedding with "now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out".
#12
Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights.
She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother's wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married... not sure what that has to do with *this* couple whose toast you're giving at this exact moment...
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
And if someone would point out the inappropriate in her making this speach at someone elses wedding you would probably get a response like "why do you hate gay people?"
The wedding planner advises those who give a toast to also stay on time. "Respect the clock. A good toast is short and sweet. Aim for around 3-5 minutes. If you start rambling, you'll lose the audience's attention faster than you can say 'cheers.'"
Her other piece of advice is to practice. "Don't wing it. Even if you're a natural speaker, a well-practiced toast will always come off better. Run through it a few times in front of a mirror or with a friend to get comfortable with your material."
#13
My friend’s father (father of the bride) just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like “well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.” Suuuuuuper awkward. The grooms family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved my friend. Made the father look even worse in comparison.
#14
Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of “if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly a*s.”
They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.
#15
My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn't his strong suit. At my younger sister's wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a "plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off." He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn't "blossom" until she met her husband, who's the life of the party.
Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister's speech. I was sure he'd put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, "but I don't think she turned out to be." I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone's autism jokes. Thanks, Dad.
This next tip might surprise some people, but knowing how to hold a microphone is also important when giving a speech. "Think Rockstar, not Ice Cream Cone," Wolfer quips. "If you hold it too low or too far away, no one will hear you, and if you're too close, it'll be all garbled. Aim for that sweet spot."
If you're giving a toast, there's always the obligatory raise of the glass. So don't forget your drink when you walk up to the stage. "When it's time to toast, make sure you have your glass ready. If you forget, no biggie—just raise an imaginary one and keep the humor light," Jamie advises.
#16
This is the story of a toast spiraling out of control. Couple in their early sixties got married in Houston, TX. Drinks were served prior to dinner. At dinner, the now-wife’s cousin rose, somewhat unsteadily, took the microphone and began her toast of the newlyweds. I remember it started fine and I wasn’t really paying attention because I barely knew anyone involved; just platitudes about the happy couple.
My ears perked up - and I started to greatly enjoy the wedding - when she started talking about Jesus. So much Jesus. And so suddenly! One minute it was “I love my cousin and she looks so happy”. The next was “Praise Jesus and only He can protect the divine institution of marriage for it is to Him that we give our hearts and it is Jesus to whom we hold most dear and to Jesus that we must repent our sins . . . .” Etc. Etc.
Meanwhile, one or more of her relatives, who clearly had had enough of her s**t, were trying to politely and unobtrusively get within snatching distance of the microphone. But Jesus did indeed have the Cousin’s back that day and she was able to weave and dodge, all while increasing the volume of her prayers to a Jesus that she clearly considered to be both all powerful and deaf.
It was magnificent. And it was the groom who eventually was able to gently coax the microphone out of the Cousin’s hands and she triumphantly went back to her table where she spent the rest of the night getting sozzled on cheap wine.
All-in-all, 14/10 as far as weddings go.
#17
Mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom’s family all hated the bride.
He said, “I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.”.
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
Why even go to the wedding if you are so against it and determined to ruin it for the couple?
#18
"I was feeling a little nervous before my speech but I've just ripped a giant line in the bathroom and I'm feeling much better" - The Bestman
I thought it was great, literally noone else laughed.
A good rule of thumb about what to include and exclude in your speech is to check with the couple. "Respect [their] boundaries," Wolfer warns. "Ask the couple if there's anything they don't want mentioned. This is their day, and the last thing you want is to bring up a touchy subject or an embarrassing moment they’d rather forget."
#19
A joint parents' toast that cleverly, relentlessly, and at-length hinted at the desire for grandchildren pronto. Really wonderful couple, went on to face heartbreaking infertility and loss. I hope they don't remember it.
#20
Father of the bride made negative comments about couples having sex before marriage and said "we used to call him our SIN in law".
#21
Reception at a country club with a golf course.
A lot of the friends and family were members.
Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9.
Jamie also kindly agreed to share the most memorable toast of her wedding planning career. "One toast that still lives rent-free in my head was at a wedding where the best man decided to go full comedy roast mode. He started off strong, thanking everyone for coming and then diving straight into some light-hearted jabs at the groom."
"But then he took it a step further and pulled out a slideshow of the groom's most embarrassing moments, complete with captions and sound effects."
#22
The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times.
#23
The father of the bride said "I'll try not to despise my son-in-law as much as I used to" and laughed hard.
#24
I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow.
ConstantlyJon 5 months ago
My dad almost sold my sister in Egypt. Local guy said he'd buy her for 500 camels. My dad joked that he'd only take 1,000 camels. The tour guide put a stop to it immediately saying that if they made a verbal agreement it'd be legally binding. My dad has never lived it down.
"The groom was a good sport about it, laughing along with everyone else, but you could see his cheeks getting redder by the second. The whole room was in stitches, and even the bride was wiping away tears of laughter. It was one of those moments where the humor was just right—nothing too crass or over the top, just genuinely funny and a little bit roasty."
#25
The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.
#26
Best man. “They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don’t know much about love, but as for honor… get on her and stay on her!”
Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents.
#27
At my wedding my lifelong friend, whom with I had a completely platonic and non romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk, very love professing speech to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met.
She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with.
Maybe not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit xD everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though lmao.
LaserBrain 5 months ago
Guess you thought it was platonic but it wasn't really, not from her perspective
However, the speech did have a happy ending. "When the best man wrapped it up with a heartfelt message about how much the groom meant to him and how happy he was to see him marrying the love of his life. It was the perfect balance of humor and sentimentality, and it left a lasting impression on everyone there."
#28
The bride and groom had been friends for a year and part of the same social circle. Group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history.
One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn't gotten drunk the night before he would have went to the concert and she would be marrying him instead.
It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.
#29
My wife has multiple female cousins and we’ve been going to their weddings for the past few years as they all get hitched. My two favorite so far:
1: maid of honor/older sister gave a quick blurb about the newlyweds and then talked about herself for 5 minutes. I actually predicted she would do this beforehand and my wife got mad at me for it.
2: same maid of honor/older sister along with brides twin sister putting on a two women skit about how bride is actually a secret agent (code names and all) and her mission is to capture the groom. 10 minutes of solid cringe.
#30
It was me. I was the best man at my brother's wedding. I said, "Here's to hoping this straightens him out!" - Spoiler: It didn't.
What do you think ?
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
Stephanie 5 months ago
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
Stephanie 5 months ago
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
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