Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Heard Someone Say While Giving A Wedding Toast?” (30 Answers)
Interview With Expert
Giving a toast at a wedding can be a daunting task. In 2022, there were over two million marriages in total in the U.S. That's more than two million chances for a great or terrible speech. Most guests want to hear a speech that's not too long, somewhat humorous, and, most importantly, without any inappropriate remarks toward the bride and groom.
But not every person who makes a wedding toast gets that memo. Most people who have been to a wedding or two have witnessed a speech that made all the guests look sideways and cringe in embarrassment. Wanting to know some of these stories, one netizen decided to ask others to share their wildest stories. "Giving a toast at a wedding is common," the person wrote. "What's the worst thing you've heard someone say while they were giving one?"
"A truly great wedding toast is all about balancing heartfelt emotions with a sprinkle of humor and relatability," wedding planner Jamie Wolfer tells Bored Panda. She gave our readers more tips on how to craft a perfect wedding toast and shared the most memorable speech gone wrong from her years of wedding planning.
More info: Wolfer & Co | Jamie Wolfer on YouTube | The Union Podcast
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
At my wedding the best man, who grew up with my husband, was very nervous to give his toast. He began strong talking about their friendship and ended with how he wished us the very best for "as long as they are married". Our friends and family burst out laughing. He faced-palmed and corrected himself. We've been married 46 years and he still hasn't lived it down!
There are six elements to giving an excellent wedding toast, Jamie Wolfer, a wedding planner at Wolfer & Co., tells Bored Panda. The first two are introduction and expressing gratitude.
"Start by introducing yourself," Wolfer suggests. "The DJ probably already announced your name, so no need to say, 'For those who don't know me...' Just a simple, 'Hi everyone, I'm Jamie, the bride's sister,' works perfectly."
Then, thank the bride and groom for including you in their special day. "You can also thank the parents or anyone who played a significant role in the wedding. It's a great opportunity to show appreciation for the beautiful day, the food, and the company."
RELATED:
#2
I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows:
"May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you're finished, nothing but a greasy box."
The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Some people don't understand the difference between a stag night and a wedding
Falcon on Dizzy 1 year ago
box can be used to describe lady parts between the legs
Load More Replies...
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
Nothing wrong with this, it’s a harmless joke that’s not taking the p**s out of anyone
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I politely disagree. If the bride and groom had laughed, showing they shared the best man's vulgar humor, that would be one thing. But they were both furious. The best man was way off base. It's disrespectful to be vulgar/gross on someone else's wedding day/during the wedding, unless EVERYONE knows about the joke in advance and AGREES to it.
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago (edited)
Classy 🙄 Obviously though if the bride and groom were furious, they weren't the couple and this wasn't the place to say this at 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣
#3
Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): "You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!"
Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"You know, Dad may not be the nicest or kindest in the family, but let me tell you, he has a good chance of never seeing his grandchildren!"
Valek Fermiga 1 year ago
" you may not be the smartest dad, the prettiest dad, the best dad, but let me tell you, you know how to make a daughter feel like shi*.... "
A great toast should be personal to the newlyweds. "Share a funny or sweet story about your relationship with the person you're closest to in the couple," the wedding planner advises. "For example, I once shared a story about my sister and I dressing up in our mom's nightgowns and pretending to be a bride and bridesmaid. It was both nostalgic and funny."
Even if you're not a seasoned veteran of life, offer the newlyweds some wisdom. That can include some heartfelt advice or well-wishes for the couple's future. Keep it genuine, though – no one likes clichés. And to end the toast, close with a salutation. "Something like, 'Now, if everyone can raise a glass to the bride and groom, here's to a lifetime of love and happiness. Cheers!'" Wolfer suggests. "Simple, sweet, and to the point."
The most important thing is to be confident during your speech. "Own that stage!" Jamie says. "Even if you're nervous, fake it till you make it. No one knows if you skip a part, so just keep going."
#4
Best man speech: "Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person ." and yeah Jackie was not very attractive.
Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Twatbasket. If the best man is going to insult anyone, it's the groom not the bride
CSC 1 year ago
Twatbasket indeed! Who says something like that to a bride?
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 year ago
Please remember this rule of etiquette: ALL brides and babies are beautiful. End of.
Sinnsyk Jakte 1 year ago
Heh. My youngest brother had set my other brother up with a chick for just a hook-up. Unfortunately, other brother has...like...attachment issues or something, and decided to marry her. Simply awful all around. It was a dry wedding (literally--out in the middle of nowhere in the desert, and her parents insisted against alcohol--which, no problem, but they were weird in so many other ways)... So, after, our family kinda has its own reception... My youngest brother was best man, and he gave an honest speech for just us: 'He wasn't supposed to marry her. I just wanted him to get laid.' (It did end up horrible. She turned out to be a lot like our female progenitor, turning into a controlling, selfish, manipulative, skanky monster. They divorced, but not before IVF baby...and not before she was easily knocked up by another man.)
#5
At my sister’s wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese.
Marcellus II 1 year ago
It's so old it's not updated for the fact far more Indian than Chinese babies are born each year!!
Load More Replies...
#6
Drunk maid of (dis)honor disclosed that she’d hat-tricked the bride - slept with new husband (before he and bride started dating but still, and bride was unaware), bride’s brother, and bride’s dad. She started out great but was too drunk to read her prepared notes and decided to wing it instead. That first dance after dinner was pretty awkward, as bride’s parents were very much married, and during it everyone in the room silently did the math on her conquests based on pertinent details and realized she wasn’t 18 for any of the 3 encounters. I was at a table of people who all kinda disliked the bride and even we all felt awful for her, it was so bad. Wedding cost more than my current house, and was held at a yacht club that revoked the family’s membership on a morality clause the following day.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
A whole table full of people who "kinda disliked the bride"!? I mean that's not a good sign to start with.
ginshun 1 year ago
I don't know. I've been to plenty of weddings where I thought either the bride or the groom was a douche.
Load More Replies...
Ian Webling 1 year ago
The club revoking the membership on a morality clause is bad enough but to do it over what a non-member said (which may or may not have been true) is ridiculous.
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
The MOH alleged the married father of the bride slept with her while she's a minor. That seems like an allegation that should definitely get them kicked out.
Load More Replies... 
Sinnsyk Jakte 1 year ago
That's...ah... So... When's the best time for the worst to come out? Weddings or Thanksgiving?
We also asked Jamie what are some don'ts when it comes to giving a toast to the newlyweds. First, avoid inside jokes. "I know, inside jokes can be hilarious, but remember, you're speaking to a room full of people, not just your best friend," Jamie says. "If you must include one, make sure it's something that can be easily understood by the majority of the audience."
#7
My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Reading some of the other excerpts from best man speeches, it was probably for the best
Marcellus II 1 year ago
The way it's phrased it feels like every guest here has to do a speech even those that know nobody in the family? [And he doesn't even know the bride, how good a friend is the groom to get an invitation+1 !?]
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
I would be getting secondhand embarrassment if I had to watch that...
#8
Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with “breast wishes” to the couple. It was so awkward.
Valek Fermiga 1 year ago
I feel third hand embarrassment reading that story.... I hope the " best man " is now ex - friend....
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Even then: HIPPA privacy rule/physician-patient privilege XD
Load More Replies... 
#9
The father of the bride said my daughters brought some losers over the years and this is the worst one , but...
Fellfromthemoon 1 year ago
It makes things easy. Now the couple doesn't need to explain to everyone one-on-one, why they go NC with FOB.
Load More Replies...
Floeckchen 1 year ago
As the father sounds like a giant a-hole it is propably for the best he doesn't like the groom... And propably a reason for his daughter to choose him.
"Don't be crass," Wolfer moves on to the second rule. "Keep it classy, folks. This isn't the time to share that wild story from the bachelor or bachelorette party. Be sensitive to the couple's wishes and avoid any profanity or inappropriate anecdotes that might make Grandma blush."
One mistake that some people make before giving a toast is indulging in some serious drinking. "Don't drink too much before your speech," Wolfer warns. "A little liquid courage might seem like a good idea, but it can quickly turn into a rambling, awkward mess. Trust me, everyone will thank you for keeping it together."
#10
Best man said, "I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!" I'm not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Why do best men (and perhaps best women) think that it's okay to air such private things in public?
#11
My father opened his speech at my sister's wedding with "now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out".
#12
Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights. She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother's wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married... not sure what that has to do with *this* couple whose toast you're giving at this exact moment...
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
And if someone would point out the inappropriate in her making this speach at someone elses wedding you would probably get a response like "why do you hate gay people?"
Sensitive Issues 1 year ago
RIGHT? they are clutching a lot of pearls in this thread.
Load More Replies... The wedding planner advises those who give a toast to also stay on time. "Respect the clock. A good toast is short and sweet. Aim for around 3-5 minutes. If you start rambling, you'll lose the audience's attention faster than you can say 'cheers.'"
Her other piece of advice is to practice. "Don't wing it. Even if you're a natural speaker, a well-practiced toast will always come off better. Run through it a few times in front of a mirror or with a friend to get comfortable with your material."
#13
My friend’s father (father of the bride) just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like “well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.” Suuuuuuper awkward. The grooms family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved my friend. Made the father look even worse in comparison.
V 1 year ago
My cousin had a kid from a previous marriage, as did her new husband. During the speeches every single person on his side welcomed both of them to the family/friend group. Not a single person on our side even mentioned he had a kid. I would've gotten up and said something, but I was obviously only invited out of obligation and would not be welcomed by my family. But I haven't talked to them since.
#14
Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of “if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly a*s.”
They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.
liam newton-harding 1 year ago
The Best Man may have had a skinful, to work up the courage to out his best friend’s behavior to the unknowing bride.
Marcellus II 1 year ago
It feels to me almost like the Japanese convention where you cannot say most things with anybody present outranking you --- with the big exception that if you're drunk no harm has been done. Almost like a medieval jester, and practically the only way management gets useful staff feedback (on the obligatory weekly company drinking nights).
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Maybe he wasn't that heavily intoxicated, lol. He did her a big favour.
#15
My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn't his strong suit. At my younger sister's wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a "plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off." He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn't "blossom" until she met her husband, who's the life of the party. Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister's speech. I was sure he'd put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, "but I don't think she turned out to be." I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone's autism jokes. Thanks, Dad.
G A 1 year ago
I don't think you get the concept of a Dad Joke cos that certainly isn't one.
Load More Replies...This next tip might surprise some people, but knowing how to hold a microphone is also important when giving a speech. "Think Rockstar, not Ice Cream Cone," Wolfer quips. "If you hold it too low or too far away, no one will hear you, and if you're too close, it'll be all garbled. Aim for that sweet spot."
If you're giving a toast, there's always the obligatory raise of the glass. So don't forget your drink when you walk up to the stage. "When it's time to toast, make sure you have your glass ready. If you forget, no biggie—just raise an imaginary one and keep the humor light," Jamie advises.
#16
This is the story of a toast spiraling out of control. Couple in their early sixties got married in Houston, TX. Drinks were served prior to dinner. At dinner, the now-wife’s cousin rose, somewhat unsteadily, took the microphone and began her toast of the newlyweds. I remember it started fine and I wasn’t really paying attention because I barely knew anyone involved; just platitudes about the happy couple. My ears perked up - and I started to greatly enjoy the wedding - when she started talking about Jesus. So much Jesus. And so suddenly! One minute it was “I love my cousin and she looks so happy”. The next was “Praise Jesus and only He can protect the divine institution of marriage for it is to Him that we give our hearts and it is Jesus to whom we hold most dear and to Jesus that we must repent our sins . . . .” Etc. Etc. Meanwhile, one or more of her relatives, who clearly had had enough of her s**t, were trying to politely and unobtrusively get within snatching distance of the microphone. But Jesus did indeed have the Cousin’s back that day and she was able to weave and dodge, all while increasing the volume of her prayers to a Jesus that she clearly considered to be both all powerful and deaf. It was magnificent. And it was the groom who eventually was able to gently coax the microphone out of the Cousin’s hands and she triumphantly went back to her table where she spent the rest of the night getting sozzled on cheap wine. All-in-all, 14/10 as far as weddings go.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
“Getting sozzled on cheap wine”. Any chance it was water before the speech?
Vinnie 1 year ago
Yes, and Jesus wasn't about to waste Chateau Lafitte on the likes of her.
Load More Replies... 
Bridgit Gilmore 1 year ago
At my sister's wedding a wonderful friends Dad (the parents were friends as well) got sozzled and kept repeating to other guests "breathe in Jesus, breathe out loooove." No harm done and it's become a bit of a catch phrase in our family!
#17
Mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom’s family all hated the bride.
He said, “I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.”.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Why even go to the wedding if you are so against it and determined to ruin it for the couple?
Spencer Richards 1 year ago
Cuz you're determined to ruin it for the couple.
Load More Replies...
#18
"I was feeling a little nervous before my speech but I've just ripped a giant line in the bathroom and I'm feeling much better" - The Bestman
I thought it was great, literally noone else laughed.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
I don't get why that's so funny. Was it an inside joke or something?
A good rule of thumb about what to include and exclude in your speech is to check with the couple. "Respect [their] boundaries," Wolfer warns. "Ask the couple if there's anything they don't want mentioned. This is their day, and the last thing you want is to bring up a touchy subject or an embarrassing moment they’d rather forget."
#19
A joint parents' toast that cleverly, relentlessly, and at-length hinted at the desire for grandchildren pronto. Really wonderful couple, went on to face heartbreaking infertility and loss. I hope they don't remember it.
#20
Father of the bride made negative comments about couples having sex before marriage and said "we used to call him our SIN in law".
WindySwede 1 year ago
"And why are you dressed in clothing made from two different materials?"
Load More Replies...
Valek Fermiga 1 year ago
I'm a new Christian and it's morons like him which is why people don't like us....
Michael Largey 1 year ago
It's not just people like him. It's also the Christians who don't stand up and object to their faith being twisted like that. There are no morals without moral courage.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
"And what did you call your daughter, sir, who was an equal partner in those sexual acts?"
Caroline Nagel 1 year ago
Don't christians know that sin is a christian thing and they are the only ones that can sin. The rest of the world is per definition without sin.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
There are many non-Christian religions that have a concept of sin. An obvious example would be a Jewish person violating one of the Ten Commandments.
Load More Replies... #21
Reception at a country club with a golf course.
A lot of the friends and family were members.
Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9.
Chewie Baron 1 year ago
Better than being named after where you were conceived. Like Brooklyn Beckham.
Load More Replies...
BrunoVI 1 year ago (edited)
"Oh man, the things I used to do in the turf in the back of my Ford pickup. Let's just say I wasn't planting flowers, if you know what I mean." -- President Bill Clinton, as President to the UAW, shortly after having been accused of rape by a woman named Flowers. But only "crazed right wingers" had a problem with Clinton's sex life.
Jamie also kindly agreed to share the most memorable toast of her wedding planning career. "One toast that still lives rent-free in my head was at a wedding where the best man decided to go full comedy roast mode. He started off strong, thanking everyone for coming and then diving straight into some light-hearted jabs at the groom."
"But then he took it a step further and pulled out a slideshow of the groom's most embarrassing moments, complete with captions and sound effects."
#22
The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times.
#23
The father of the bride said "I'll try not to despise my son-in-law as much as I used to" and laughed hard.
#24
I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
My dad almost sold my sister in Egypt. Local guy said he'd buy her for 500 camels. My dad joked that he'd only take 1,000 camels. The tour guide put a stop to it immediately saying that if they made a verbal agreement it'd be legally binding. My dad has never lived it down.
"The groom was a good sport about it, laughing along with everyone else, but you could see his cheeks getting redder by the second. The whole room was in stitches, and even the bride was wiping away tears of laughter. It was one of those moments where the humor was just right—nothing too crass or over the top, just genuinely funny and a little bit roasty."
#25
The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.
Bec 1 year ago
Was he, A) A narcissist B) Trying to win a bet or C) playing a terrible prank?
Load More Replies... liam newton-harding 1 year ago
Did he think a scout for “America’s Got Talent” was one of the wedding guests?
#26
Best man. “They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don’t know much about love, but as for honor… get on her and stay on her!” Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents.
#27
At my wedding my lifelong friend, whom with I had a completely platonic and non romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk, very love professing speech to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met. She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with. Maybe not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit xD everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though lmao.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
I wonder how the wife took it and if that "friend" is still in their lifes?
Emie N. 1 year ago
On the reddit post the OP said that after the wedding they promptly ended the friendship and they haven't seen her in 8 years.
Load More Replies... 
However, the speech did have a happy ending. "When the best man wrapped it up with a heartfelt message about how much the groom meant to him and how happy he was to see him marrying the love of his life. It was the perfect balance of humor and sentimentality, and it left a lasting impression on everyone there."
#28
The bride and groom had been friends for a year and part of the same social circle. Group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history. One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn't gotten drunk the night before he would have went to the concert and she would be marrying him instead. It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.
#29
My wife has multiple female cousins and we’ve been going to their weddings for the past few years as they all get hitched. My two favorite so far: 1: maid of honor/older sister gave a quick blurb about the newlyweds and then talked about herself for 5 minutes. I actually predicted she would do this beforehand and my wife got mad at me for it. 2: same maid of honor/older sister along with brides twin sister putting on a two women skit about how bride is actually a secret agent (code names and all) and her mission is to capture the groom. 10 minutes of solid cringe.
#30
It was me. I was the best man at my brother's wedding. I said, "Here's to hoping this straightens him out!" - Spoiler: It didn't.
Chewie Baron 1 year ago (edited)
Considering his brother was a d r u g addict, he’s good. Bloody hell, the censoring Seriously.
Load More Replies...Jamie also shares another story that went a bit off the rails. "At one event, the bride's brother, bless his heart, got a bit too tipsy before his best man speech. He started by thanking everyone for coming, then went on to thank the grandparents for 'doing what they did' with air quotes, and then the parents for 'doing what they did' so we could all be there."
"It was a bit of a mess, and he ended it with 'God bless the mashed potatoes' before stumbling off the dance floor. The whole room erupted in laughter, and it became a family legend, but it was definitely not what he had planned!"
#31
My best man said something along the lines of "OP and I have so many memories together, but I realized that absolutely none of them would be appropriate for me to share tonight with all of you." Had me going in the first half, but he pulled it off and got a huge laugh. I was very relieved lol.
#32
I used to be a banquet server for weddings. There was one wedding I was working that was one of the most uncomfortable I've ever seen. It seemed like none of the guests knew each other and that nobody wanted to be there. Best man is giving his speech. He's talking about how the groom and him have been best friends forever and whatnot. He ends his 30 second speech by looking at the groom and saying "So I really don't know *insert bride's name* very well...but I guess I trust your judgement?" then sat down. The venue was booked until 10pm and every single guest had left by 7pm. I got the feeling that this may have been an impulse wedding or something by a couple who had not been together long.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
I guess nobody wanted to put any effort in making it a special day for the couple? That's just sad.
#33
A friend of my «John» got married last summer. Our friend «Josh» was his best man and his toast included something along the lines of: «I remember when John came back to our dorm after their first date. He was cleary in shock and seemed uneasy. After pressing him he told me that Amy had farted so hard in doggy style that he saw her b******e vibrate like a drum. And that the smell was so powerfull that he lost his erection. When he went on another day a few days later I knew they were meant for eachother.».
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Ugh, imagine being the bride and finding out that this is how your now husband talks about you to his buddies.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Considering what jerks best men can be in their speeches, the story may be entirely fictiional.
Load More Replies...
#34
The worst toast I've heard wasn't because of what was said, but just how short and not thought out it was. I'm changing the names (let's say the bride's name is Mary and the groom's name is Gary), the bridesmaid basically said: "Mary, you're like a sister to me. And now Gary is my brother." That's it. That was the whole toast.
#35
I've never heard someone say something particular egregious. It's just the *length* that's the issues. Wedding toasts are supposed to be, well, toasts. It's a couple of lines followed by a sip of your raised champaign glass. "To the bride and groom, may their love continue to flourish and bring joy to those around them. May they always remember the reasons they fell in love and never forget the laughter, the tears, and the dance parties that brought them here today. Cheers!". That's it. I don't understand how it turned into a 10 minute rambling speech where the best man, maid of honor, father of the bride, and maybe even mother of the groom all describe their relationship in minute detail while everyone stands are awkwardly holding their glass of champaign, hoping it would all just end. Just give a quick toast, drink, then get to the festivities.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
I really hope that someone living in Urbana, Illinois, is making a sparkling wine
#36
I was at wedding where the Officiant open the ceremony with a statement as follows; ”In a world where everyone is obsessed with beauty and looks, I am so glad that this couple managed to look beyond appearance and find that their hearts were a match” (For context, the guy looked like Lurch and she was so overweight she looked like a bowling ball from the side.) What the officiant said was so outlandishly rude, and it took me by surprise… I burst out laughing while the rest of the audience just cringed. My wife smacked the back of my head and I flinched so everyone saw it was me. So embarrassed.
#37
My friend had a toxic older brother who pretty much moved away bcs no one in their household could stand him. He came back to his wedding, and when they were about to say their wows bro stood up, asked for a attention. Their mom tried to stop him but he wouldn't let her. And he was like " Bro I know we don't exactly like each other, But I can't let u marry this women without telling u this. Two years ago me and (don't remember the name of his friend) f****d her together at a party and I have proof if u wanna see" My friend grabbed him and dragged him out and after like 5 mins he came in and just said that wedding is off. They have actually been good to each other since then.
The explanation 1 year ago
Unless they were dating eachother two years ago, I don't see an issue here really. I may be just being dumb though
#38
They best man of a friends cousin gave a speech, (3 years ago) and he commented how good his pals new wife was in bed, then a big fight broke out Long story short the “best man” had been riding the buddies new wife for months before the wedding They are divorced now.
#39
MoH/bride’s sister said she told the bride not to go out with the groom after she met him. Basically said he was a loser because of his job (manager of a grocery store). One of the groomsmen interrupted, “he still works there.”.
#40
There was a post in one of the advice subs from a woman asking if she was wrong for leaving her sister's wedding. When she was a teenager OP was sexually assaulted. Since then she had a lot of trauma to deal with, but therapy was helping and she was finally getting her life back together. During her sister's wedding the maid of honor (sister's best friend) gave a speech, talking about how OP was a total screw up, but she finally did one thing right in helping with the wedding. OP was so upset at the reference to her previous "screw ups" and trauma she left. Her sister stopped her outside the venue and defended her friend, saying OP had to learn to take a joke. After OP left, her sister's new husband was upset with his new wife, because he felt the joke was completely inappropriate, insensitive and in poor taste. The whole time I was reading the post, I kept thinking if I was one of the guests at that wedding I would be tempted to knock the maid of honor on her a*s.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
From someone else's comment on Reddit: "I remember that one. In an update, it the bride and friend’s behavior gets even worse, if you can believe it, and OP decided to go no contact. As I recall, bride grabbed OP in the same way related to her trauma." (Which turns out to be grabbing her by the neck.) What a horrible person OP's sister is.
#41
My cousin’s father in law gave a spectacular speech at her wedding. He spent a solid 10 minutes talking about how great his son was at baseball and how everyone thought he was going to go pro while he was playing in undergrad. Then he said “but unfortunately he was injured in that car accident. And now he’s marrying
#42
I haven't been to too many weddings before, but I was pretty embarrassed with the best man at our wedding. Before the wedding we asked him if he wanted to give a speech, and he said that he did. We asked this a couple times, and both times, he said he wanted to. Fast forward to the day of the wedding, he stated that he didn't realize he was expected to give a speech, but gave one anyways. I was so mortified because it made my husband and I look like huge a******s who sprung it upon him without any warning. The speech itself was nice, but the little disclaimer made me want to die.
#43
Mother of the bride, toasting her daughter and son-in-law: "-Now that those two are hitched, I can finally tell you that Bob and I are finally divorcing! Meet his replacement, John." Same version with the father, which went a bit like that: "-As Janet said, we're free from the shackles of marriage. And this is my lovely girlfriend Natalia. Oh, and congratulations to Lucy and Kyle, hope you don't make the same mistakes we did!" Like staying married "for the children" while having affairs, bringing their side pieces to the wedding as "friends", and announcing everything during their toasts. It's been a few years, and last I checked, the bride is still no contact with her birth-givers, and they're all pikachu face about it.
#44
My brothers wedding. One of his groomsmen (who was drunk as a skunk) waltzed up to the mic and proceeded to tell 200 people that "you have to eat it to keep it in order to have a good marriage". His wife was PISSED.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
At some weddings, that would mean no speeches at all. (My favorite kind of wedding, come to think of it.)
Load More Replies... #45
Omg I was at my cousin's wedding a couple years back. Everything's going great, food's amazing and everyone's having a good time. Then it's time for the best man's speech. This guy (let's call him Brad) gets up there looking nervous as hell. Red flag number one. He starts off okay, talking about how he and the groom have been friends since college. You know thr standard stuff. But then... oh God. He goes, "And speaking of college, remember that time we made a pact that if we were both single at 30, we'd marry each other?" The entire room went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop. The bride's face was stone cold. But Brad just kept going! He's laughing, saying stuff like, "Guess I missed my chance, huh buddy?" and "Don't worry, (my cousin's name), I'm sure he likes you more than me... probably." It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. People were squirming in their seats, the groom looked like he wanted to melt into the floor, and the bride...if looks could kill then I would have had to attend a funeral shortly after the wedding.
François Bouzigues 1 year ago
Bff girlies really holding it / hiding it / denying it until the wrong moment / wrong place in this thread
#46
I once heard a MOH speech that was along the lines of "my little sister is so annoying. Let me tell you some weird s**t she did as a kid." That's all well and fine, but then the Best Man followed her with the most heart wrenching speech about how much their friendship means to him. I felt so bad for the Bride's sister.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
I don't understand this story or why they felt bad for the brides sister? Like que?
JustAnotherBoredPanda 1 year ago
I guess her speech was lame, and the fantastic speech that followed hers made it look even worse?
Load More Replies... #47
At a friends rehearsal dinner, every single person talked about how great the groom is. Even the brides father! Groom was an outgoing/life of the party type and bride was a bit shy and reserved but also one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and I was so pissed everyone just talked about how lucky she was to be marrying him.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
I don’t think it’s as much about the groom getting compliments as it is about the wife being completely ignored
Load More Replies... #48
Recently got married, and one of the groomsmen insisted on giving a speech (no, not the best man) he said he's written a really funny speech and asked my husband if he could mention my miscarriage...obviously a hard no.
JustAnotherBoredPanda 1 year ago
Seriously? He didn't realize himself that a misscarriage has no place in any wedding speech, let alone a funny one??
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
Had he just finished reading "World's Funniest Miscarriage Jokes" and found a few he wanted to use?
#49
At my pal’s second wedding: “It’s nice to see all the familiar faces again.”.
#50
I went to a wedding where the officiant took the mic right before dinner. We all thought he was going to say a prayer... nope! It was a way too long speech confessing how he *used to be* in love with the bride. To everyone there, it was clear he was still in love with the bride.
#51
Two of my friends met doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. They got married and I'd say the majority of the people there knew them from either BJJ or MMA. The best man was the groom's best friend from childhood, and clearly felt self conscious because he had no connection to either BJJ or MMA, but he was a black belt in aikido. His toast dragged on and on for what felt like half an hour, and almost all of it was talking about how aikido isn't stupid and worthless, and how important it is to his life, and espousing the virtues of aikido to the whole wedding. Nothing offensive, but it was sad and painful.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Could have been worse, when I saw the word Brazilian I was expecting the speech to take a different direction entirely
#52
I went to the wedding of a college friend who didn't marry until his 40s. The best man's speech was just a long ramble about the groom's single years, how he was a "great bachelor" and how much fun he'd had traveling and partying for so many years. He made many not-so-subtle references to the groom having hooked up a lot(which was true), and the whole speech just felt like a funeral for his bachelorhood. I felt so bad for the bride, but they are still together and happy many years later so no harm was done I guess.
#53
I can't believe someone actually said, 'I can't wait to get naked with you, honey.' That's definitely the worst thing I've seen someone say.
#54
One of the older relatives was toasting. He’s past the age of filtering to avoid saying offensive stuff so it’s just offensive. Spoke about various races and their stereotypes for each in regards to dress and music.
#55
One of my cousins best men raised a glass and said "maybe we can skip this step next time and just meet at the courthouse" That was it. That was the speech. TBF it was my cousin's like fourth wedding in under ten years and no one ever liked the brides. They are also divorced now and he hasn't remarried since.
#56
I've been to several weddings where the maid of honor steps up to the mic with 4 printed pages to read through, starts blubbering uncontrollably three words in, and insists on reading through it all the way. Takes like 10 minutes and you can't understand anything through the sobbing. Specific speech: visibly drunk best man tells everyone the groom is a good guy because he can polish off a 12 pack without issue, but has a bad throwing motion in baseball or football. That was it.
#57
My cousin's wedding had two bad toasts. First the Maid of Honor got up to speak about the bride. She rambled on and on about how she was *very popular* with *so many* guys in high school and she could've taken her pick on men, but my cousin was the one, after *so many guys*, that managed to settle her down. Next, the Mother of the Groom stood up and used her speech to issue thinly veiled insults at the bride, at one point mentioning "she's a diamond in the rough," yada yada but his "love and support will polish her until she shines" or some crazy s**t. It was bonkers. The priest also took ten minutes in the middle of the ceremony to speak on God's love and how you need to "turn on the Jesus faucet" and "let that love wash over you,".
Michael Largey 1 year ago
At a wedding, wouldn't a "Jesus faucet" be one where water goes in one end and wine comes out the other?
JK 1 year ago
I could do with one of those - anyone know a plumber who can walk on water?
Load More Replies... #58
Groom's name was Richard, but a lot of people call him D**k. Best Man was hammered and got up to give his speech and in front of kids, grandmas, etc. he busted out with "I ALWAYS KNEW THAT JEN LOVED D**K..." Yikes.
Anke Dieken 1 year ago (edited)
I'll never cease to be amazed at how anyone whose name is Richard is ok with being called D**k.
The explanation 1 year ago
Reminds me of that ghost hunting show, where somebody gets "possessed" and keeps saying "Mary lives Dïck, Mary loves Dïck
#59
At my wedding (to a person of color, with her entire family there), someone handed the microphone to my grandfather during the toasts. He told a story about us driving to a Detroit Tigers game, getting lost on the way there, and finding ourselves in a part of town that was "Blacker than midnight". (Cue the entire room getting deadly silent, broken only by the sound of a fork being dropped onto a plate).
#60
My dad (white dude) married my mom (Filipino) and once they split he exclusively dated Asian women. It's kind of weird and I'm usually the first to make "yellow fever" jokes. The only non-Asian woman he dated was his high school girlfriend (not too many Asians in Indiana in the 60s to be fair) My aunt is a huge handful but a lot of fun. At my dad's wedding to my stepmom (Taiwanese) my aunt, who was blitzed off the open bar by this point toasted them and said something to the effect of, "Yeah, PoppaYoda kept bringing all these Chinese women around that he was going out with and StepMommaYoda is the first one I liked. You picked a good one!" While this was happening, My cousin tried to shrink down into her seat, looked at me and mouthed "oh my f*****g god".
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
It's okay to have a type, if you're not being racist or gross about it. It feels a little weird to me that OP mocks their father and says he has "yellow fever", but maybe it's an inside joke/acceptable joke in their family.
#61
Asked all the grooms family to stand up not realizing that there had been an issue a few days prior. Only one person stood up because there had been an argument a few days before between two sides of the family and all but one did not attend the wedding after that. The bridespeople were not involved in this argument and not to blame. It was a rather sad and uncomfortable moment.
#62
The best man had no clue what to say for his speech the day of the wedding so my wife (then GF) wrote down a guideline for him to follow...Talk about how he met each of them, compliment them both, wish them well, etc. What he read was a bunch of inside jokes abotu the groom that nobody else understood, a comment that he only knew her through him, a compliment for the groom, a comment that the bride is "Cooler than cool-hwhip" (like how Stewie says it in Family Guy), and an "I wish you both the best". It was awkward and I was laughing (as quietly as I could) through all of it.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
Stephanie 1 year ago
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
GirlFriday 1 year ago
I have a big family and our parents often ran through the names until they found ours. This was always a running joke amongst the children in our family. Cue the toasts at the wedding of brother #8, who is the middle in a set of triplets, and the only person that got his name right in a toast was another triplet. The third triplet even called him by the wrong name before correcting himself. It was kinda funny, but also kinda cringe-worthy.
bbfa 1 year ago
I have an idiot cousin with 7 kids he'll never afford to educate. I do think it's pretty funny, however, that they call them by number. "Hey, 7 - get out of the pool"
Load More Replies... Sera 1 year ago
At my cousin's wedding the best man accidentally said his brother's ex-wife's name at the beginning of his speech instead of his new wife. Our aunt just ERUPTED about how it was just like the moment in Friends. Wife's side of the family were not American and there was a ripple on that side as people who understood what had happened informed people that hadn't. The most embarrassing thing I've ever seen happen to anyone.
Nerd Groupie 1 year ago
A few bad ones I've heard... Bride's sister was maid of honor. Bride had a couple kids from a previous marriage. "When (bride) started dating (groom) I was pretty spectacle [not a typo, she said spectacle] but her kids like him, so I guess it's okay." Groom's brother was best man. "When I saw them up there professing their love, it reminded me of my own wedding, when I looked at my wife and asked if you weren't knocked up, would you even be here?"
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
Completely dry wedding because not enough of either of our families drink to bother with that cost. My Dad started off with a nice speech, lost the thread of why he was up there talking, and started telling everyone about the time he punched a hole in the wall when my sibling and I were arguing.
Bernie j. Janinsky 1 year ago
ANNA EKBERG: We Salute You, Madam! Long May Your "EKBERG" Wave!🎺🎺🎺🎺
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
Stephanie 1 year ago
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
GirlFriday 1 year ago
I have a big family and our parents often ran through the names until they found ours. This was always a running joke amongst the children in our family. Cue the toasts at the wedding of brother #8, who is the middle in a set of triplets, and the only person that got his name right in a toast was another triplet. The third triplet even called him by the wrong name before correcting himself. It was kinda funny, but also kinda cringe-worthy.
bbfa 1 year ago
I have an idiot cousin with 7 kids he'll never afford to educate. I do think it's pretty funny, however, that they call them by number. "Hey, 7 - get out of the pool"
Load More Replies... Sera 1 year ago
At my cousin's wedding the best man accidentally said his brother's ex-wife's name at the beginning of his speech instead of his new wife. Our aunt just ERUPTED about how it was just like the moment in Friends. Wife's side of the family were not American and there was a ripple on that side as people who understood what had happened informed people that hadn't. The most embarrassing thing I've ever seen happen to anyone.
Nerd Groupie 1 year ago
A few bad ones I've heard... Bride's sister was maid of honor. Bride had a couple kids from a previous marriage. "When (bride) started dating (groom) I was pretty spectacle [not a typo, she said spectacle] but her kids like him, so I guess it's okay." Groom's brother was best man. "When I saw them up there professing their love, it reminded me of my own wedding, when I looked at my wife and asked if you weren't knocked up, would you even be here?"
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
Completely dry wedding because not enough of either of our families drink to bother with that cost. My Dad started off with a nice speech, lost the thread of why he was up there talking, and started telling everyone about the time he punched a hole in the wall when my sibling and I were arguing.
Bernie j. Janinsky 1 year ago
ANNA EKBERG: We Salute You, Madam! Long May Your "EKBERG" Wave!🎺🎺🎺🎺
You May Like 116 Best Wedding Toasts For An Effective Closing To Your Speech Groom’s Vows Make Bride Walk Away In Front Of Everyone: “How Humiliating” The 60 Worst Wedding Stories We Found In This Online Thread
Larysa Perih
Gabija Palšytė
Justina Čiapaitė
Related on Bored Panda
