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Someone Asks People To Share The Worst Marriage Advice They’ve Gotten, And They Deliver (30 Tweets)
Marriage, like most relationships, is all about communication, building trust, being vulnerable, and fighting off hordes of orcs back-to-back on a mountaintop. Or is that just us? But like childcare, politics, and the weather, everybody seems to have an opinion about marriage. What works. What doesn’t. What you should strive to do.
Unfortunately, a lot of that advice is absolutely bogus, as sociologist Samuel Perry from the University of Oklahoma drew attention to on Twitter. The scholar asked social media users to share the very worst marriage advice they’ve ever gotten and kicked things off with an example of his own about how couples should supposedly not go to bed angry.
Check out some of the best tweets below, upvote the ‘advice’ that you think is absolutely ridiculous, and share your own pearls of wisdom about marriage in the comment section below. And remember—happy panda, happy life!
Image credits: socofthesacred
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Donkey boi 3 years ago
I want children, my wife doesn't. As she is more important to me than having children, we got a farm with goats, donkeys, 4 dogs and various ducks and chickens. They are our children.
Kevin Donegan 3 years ago
If your goal is to be a single mother raising a child on her own, makes perfect sense to me.
AJ 3 years ago (edited)
I've heard that advice, also I've heard it always needs to be woman's decision to have children, because men only know they want one after it has already arrived. Also I've heard that if we don't get kids now he's going to regret it and leave me for younger, fertile woman. If somebody try to tell me any of that again I simply tell them my husband and I CAN'T have children. Basically it's true, because we don't want to.
Debbie Convery 3 years ago
An accidental pregnancy may change a couple's mind, it may not, but to deliberately "accidently" get pregnant is NEVER a good idea!
Blue of the yams 3 years ago
Never, NEVER do that. Happened to one of my Dad's best friends. His friend ("Ted") was dating a girl who told him she wason birth control but stopped taking it. She got pregnanat and had a kid, and she almost ruined ted, ted's girlfriends and baby daughters lives.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
My partner wanted to wait, and more than one friend suggested I sabotage birth control
DC 3 years ago
I never got how a relationship, in which one of them - either he or she - does something that has that much impact without the other one knowing, or even worse, against what they both agreed on. Decide to have children! Never just get pregnant, never even risk this to happen! Isn't a relationship something that highly relies on trust and trustworthiness and stuff?
Lunaofthenest 3 years ago
I know someone who did this. We're no longer close, for obvious reasons, but they're still married and have a whole separate life with their "surprise" child because it cost them literally everything else (she alienated anyone who knew what she'd done & his two older children were pretty much written out of the narrative. )
Leesa DeAndrea 3 years ago
I was told the same thing. "Just go ahead & get pregnant. He'll come around." This from a marriage & family counselor who was also my sister-in-law.
Lady Cadaver 3 years ago
So basically based on her own ignorant assumption, she urged you to lie to your spouse and trick him into making you pregnant, forcing him to become trapped in a situation that would change and affect the rest of his life. Yeah, because that is what you do to people you love... I wonder what her marriage looks like. This speaks volumes about the kind of person she is. By the way, I do have a kid who I absolutely adore and would not exchange for anything in or out of this world, HOWEVER having kids is not for everyone and it is unfair to the person AND the child, that you are unbeknownst to them, forcing this upon.
LazyPandaOreo 3 years ago
this aint no f ing prank i woulve slapped her for that but that wold be animal cruilty so no
Curry on... 3 years ago
Why even tell people what you and your husband have decided to do with your lives?
Priest Olokun 3 years ago
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Dillon Hughes 3 years ago
Well 30 years later my father is still happy about it.... not saying lie to them but... he is happy. Never asked the details, but I'm alive so I'm happy about it!
Staurt Sylvia 3 years ago
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Priest Olokun 3 years ago
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I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.'
"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.
“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.
#9
Beck(formerly Becca/Gizmo sq) 3 years ago
So THIS is how marriage works. No wonder I am getting a divorce.
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”
#10
#11
Don't Look 3 years ago
I'm so tired of the holy matrimony and sacred crap with marriage. Marriage is a legal issue. You want to involve the church? Good on you! My experience has been that the church has no place in marriage.
#12
The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
#13
Vicky Z 3 years ago (edited)
In some cases i think it's true not always of course! Edit: I'm referring to misogynist cultures that don't respect human rights of course! i just didn't want to be more specific cause i didn't want anyone to be offended! But these cultures in a marriage are always a deal breaker!
The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."
There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.
"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.
“They can share good secrets with each other. They can practice sharing important things about themselves that they have never previously revealed to each other. It might be a childhood memory, a life-changing experience, or a vivid dream. Perhaps it’s a hope for the future or a fantasy. It can be lighthearted or serious. The important thing is that they authentically share with one another something meaningful. It’s imperative that couples are curious, open, and welcoming of the secrets and nonjudgmental. By doing so, couples will feel safe and will strengthen their connection,” relationship experts Suzie and James shared.
#22
BlahBlahBlackSheepah 3 years ago
Being a decent person will def get you sum more than being a bum.
“They can 'prioritize positivity' rather than just wait around for happiness to happen. In other words, they can schedule activities into their day that evoke joy and fulfillment. In the beginning of a relationship, we naturally experience a high level of positive emotions. As a relationship develops, we can’t expect to naturally experience the same frequency of 'high-arousal' positive emotions like amusement and joy. Rather we must notice what tends to lead to these feelings and then schedule those activities into our daily lives. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and those things that you enjoyed doing together as a couple and make it a priority to schedule them into your day. Also, try out something new that interests both of you. Research shows that seeking out and engaging in fun, exhilarating, and novel activities can increase mutual attraction and promote a healthy passion in intimate relationships.”
What’s more, couples can create a ‘Positive relationship portfolio. “It entails gathering some of the key mementos, pictures, cards, letters, etc. that remind you specifically of your significant other and how special he/she is, and how important your relationship is. Once you put together the positive relationship portfolio you then spend 15 minutes each day for a week savoring and basking in the positive emotions that these items evoke in you. This exercise helps us rekindle those positive emotions that we had during the honeymoon phase, remembering all the great things about our partner and how important he/she is.”
#28
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
No one is perfect. The secret is to love someone with their imperfections instead of despite their imperfections.
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What do you think ?
Patti Vance 3 years ago
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
Jane Alexander 3 years ago
My fix is to write it all out on paper, say anything you please on paper. This frees your mind for rest. The paper will be harsh in daylight and I'll delete it.
Load More Replies...
Lisbeth Guz 3 years ago
Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
Mary Peace 3 years ago
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
Load More Replies...
judy baker 3 years ago
My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
sTeALtHy 3 years ago (edited)
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... Isabel Frost 3 years ago
What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
abby smink 3 years ago
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies...
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
Virgil Sanders 3 years ago
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
kerry linda 2 years ago
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
Load More Replies... Patti Vance 3 years ago
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
Jane Alexander 3 years ago
My fix is to write it all out on paper, say anything you please on paper. This frees your mind for rest. The paper will be harsh in daylight and I'll delete it.
Load More Replies... Lisbeth Guz 3 years ago
Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
Mary Peace 3 years ago
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
Load More Replies... judy baker 3 years ago
My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
sTeALtHy 3 years ago (edited)
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... Isabel Frost 3 years ago
What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
abby smink 3 years ago
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies... pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
Virgil Sanders 3 years ago
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
kerry linda 2 years ago
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
Mewton’s Third Paw 3 years ago
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
Load More Replies...
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