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Living with a sleep-talker is an adventure in itself. You wake up in the middle of the night to your partner mumbling complete gibberish — or muttering elaborate midnight monologues — while their mind is deep in dreamland. Time and again, you hope they will spill a juicy secret, but all they do is whisper sweet nothings and swiftly go back to sleep. And when morning rolls around, they have no clue it even happened.

Sleep talking is one of those bizarre activities that lead to hilarious late-night utterances. Usually. Because once in a blue moon, your loved one will declare something so odd, you're bound to scratch your head from confusion. So one person reached out to Reddit and asked fellow users to share the creepiest, weirdest, and downright random things their partner has ever said in their sleep. And the people have spoken!

From "I’m your fan" to "Open the window, Abigail, I'm burning like a meatball!", we have compiled an entertaining collection of short stories to share with you all. So grab a warm blanket and get ready to laugh through these amusing exchanges. And if you’re feeling up to it, let us know if you or someone you know has ever experienced anything like this down below in the comments.

Psst! For more sleep-talking goodness, check out our earlier posts right here and here.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit, my wife is asleep next to me. This exchange ensues:

Wife: *pushes me to get my attention*

Me: What?

Wife: I want a crunch wrap supreme.

Me: I am not going to Taco Bell right now. It's after midnight.

Wife: But we're already here.

Me: What..?

Wife: We're already at Taco Bell...see, there's the Chihuahua that says "Yo quiero Taco Bell".

Me: ....We're in bed.

Wife: *starting to get irritated* Yes, because we took the bed!

Me: We took the bed.

Wife: Yes!

Me: And how did we do that?

Wife: Are you telling me you don't know how to drive a bed?!

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#2

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I woke up restless and hot, turned on the AC. Husband appeared to wake up too. He sat up and said “I’m your fan”, and waved his hands like a fan, and then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. Did not remember it in the morning.

Wahine468 , Delaney Van Report

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#3

My husband once sat bolt upright in bed (still fast asleep) and yelled “CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?”. Being the supportive wife, I of course replied “HELL YEAH!”. To which he responded “Yeah! Woo!” before falling back down on the bed and resuming the snoring.

Wish I had a video of it. He still doesn’t believe me.

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#4

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I crawled into bed when she was asleep, she reached over and grabbed my arm. She snuggled my arm a bit and I thought it was sweet...

Until, with a thick Russian accent, she says "I BREAK YOU" and acted like she was snapping my arm.

Edit: while I appreciate all of the attention this post is getting, I need to inform you all that my wife would REALLY appreciate it if I stopped trying to "activate her" with random words. Thank you.

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#5

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My freshmen year of school I lived with two guys in a dorm room that talked in their sleep. They wouldn’t just talk though, they’d have separate conversations with each other.

One night I woke up and one was chanting “I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry.” The other just responded “yeah, but chick-fil-a said no in 2011.”

They have no memory of this.

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Vorknkx
Vorknkx
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a sleepwalker/sleeptalker college roommate too. Once he randomly sprang up and started rummaging around his sheets and blankets, murmuring something about finding the "radio that keeps playing that music." There was no radio or music playing in the room during that exact moment. About 30 seconds later he just went back to sleep, as if nothing had happened. No memories of this event in the morning.

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#6

A.R - "Don't rock the boat."

Me - "What boat, why?"

A.R - "Just. Don't. Rock. The. Boat."

***So what do I do? I rock her a little.***

A.R - "Oh God, no!"

Me - "What's wrong?"

A.R - "There's spiders everywhere! I told you not to rock the boat."

Then, then she screamed, jerked around, I got kicked in the chest, and she woke up to me being winded without being able to speak.

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#7

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Completely at random: "OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL" we don't even know an Abigail.

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#8

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It was me. Wife was getting ready for work in the morning. I was asleep. She kissed me goodbye. I then said, out loud, "boy, I sure hope that was my wife."

Like there are random women sneaking into my bedroom to give me kisses.

Edit: She did not think I had side women. She thought it was hilarious. I do sleep talk sometimes, mostly gibberish, like word salad-type stuff.

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#9

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife swears up and down, that while she was reading before bed, I said: "I see you didn't bring the bag of leaves, so I know you're not serious."

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The lesbian knitting panda
The lesbian knitting panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate it when people don't bring the bag of leaves, you can tell that they're just not committed to solving cat dandruff

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#10

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Rolled over once to snuggle my sleeping husband and he pulled away from me growling “don’t touch me I’m married!” He got lots of brownie points.

Edit: whoa thanks for all the love guys. Hubby used to be a baker who did farmers markets and he’s pretty hot (if I do say so myself). All the lil desperate housewives would hit on him so I would imagine that was a practiced line in his head.

I also never told him what he said.... he just got some extra favors whenever I thought about it.

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#11

"No, I DON'T want discounted health insurance, I want it to be FREE!"

-My roommate, asleep at 6AM

Also my roommate, at varying ungodly hours "Satan, not now" and "I don't have time to die I have a final tomorrow"

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Amanda Rose
Amanda Rose
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last one sums up the college experience in a nutshell.

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#12

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I’m the one who does the sleep talking. My fiancé woke up and saw me petting the blanket and referring to it as our dog who had recently passed.

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#13

Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.

​

​

Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying "WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~... Bitches."

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#14

“BRACE YOURSELF!”
Then he let one rip and cackled like a maniac.

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#15

Wife: Oh no

Me: What's wrong?

Wife: I forgot

Me: Forgot what?

Wife: Gravity

Me: You forgot gravity?

Wife: Yeah

Me: It's okay, you can't forget gravity

Wife: I can't?

Me: No, it's okay.

Wife: Good.

Out like a light.

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#16

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”

I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.

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#17

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One of my friends little brothers came into the room where we were sleeping when he was sleepwalking. He kicked open the door and said,

"[friend's name]! Did you tell mom abou the soup thing?" To which my friend replied,

"What soup thing?"

"You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!" Then he stood there for a minute before leaving.

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#18

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Not a partner but my brother. He spoke English.

This is noteworthy because we had only adopted him from Romania 3 months earlier knowing zero English. He spoke better English in his sleep than while he was awake.

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InvincibleRodent
InvincibleRodent
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That checks out imo, some people tend to be anxious speaking a language different from their native, and when one is asleep, the anxiety is gone. One can't gain abilities one doesn't already have in their sleep.

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#19

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.

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#20

Husband: “It’s all over the floor”

Me (mostly asleep and very confused): “What is?”

Husband: “Candy! But it’s okay, they’ll get it.”

Me: “Who will get it?”

Husband (quite happily): “The mice!”

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#21

Random:

While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"

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#22

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.



She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert


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#23

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.

"The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"

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#24

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My ex wife once said "We'll see how f*****g funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the s**t out of me.

Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.

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Malus Darkblade
Malus Darkblade
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think your ex wife was sleep talking. You had a lucky escape.

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#25

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.

One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"


Still no idea what that meant.

Edit:

Just remembered another one that was very weird.

One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.

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#26

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "There's no love here."

Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead a*s said - "Aldehyde" at a louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this

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Jason Mills
Jason Mills
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really surprised I don't have any PTSD dreams about Org Chem classes . . .

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#27

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep

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#28

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.

I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.

The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”

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#29

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!

Me: 100 what?

Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!

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#30

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.

The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.

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Jubum
Jubum
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband talks in his sleep too. Most of the time, this leads to some pretty funny conversations. But once he suddenly got up in the middle of the night, robotically eating a yogurt, and sat rigidly on the edge of the bed, staring at me with absolutely blank eyes. Then I understood what dead eyes mean.

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#31

I have two great ones:

1. I had stayed up late and husband was asleep in bed. We had creaky wood floors, so I was walking slowly into the bedroom trying not to make too much noise. I stepped on a creaky spot, and husband shifted in bed and then said, in a very cheeky/smiling tone:
"I have a machine... that will shoot you.. if you move around. It'll shoot you right now!"
Then he was back to be being dead asleep.

2. I was reading in bed, husband turned to snuggle into me and then this conversation:
Him: (in a cutesy, flirty tone) "Coupons."
Me: "Coupons?"
Him: "Yeah, coupons."

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Lily bloom
Lily bloom
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If wife is a bargain hunter (like myself), I'm guessing that was sleepy husband's attempt at sexy talk. Saving $$$ is hot, lol

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#32

BF sleeping cuddling our dog: Do you need help with anything?

Me: Awww no baby. Thank you!

BF: NOT YOU! The dog! She has four legs and no arms.

Me: -_-

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#33

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep She said I made siren noises like a fire truck one night. *Woo-Wee-woo-wee.*

Edit: Apparently I have opposite fire trucks in my dreams going woo-wee instead of wee-woo...

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Xavi Palacios
Xavi Palacios
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is currently 3:31am and in cackling like a witch and I don’t know why but this is hecking hilarious

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#34

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Girlfriend in college, who was from Indiana, out of nowhere said, in a thick New York accent, "My a*s is grass" and promptly fell back asleep.

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#35

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Ex: why did you bring me sheep?


Me: because you asked me to.


Ex: Oh...


Me: Do you like them?


Ex: Yes... They are nice..

Then she went back to sleep

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#36

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Don't have a partner, but I laugh in my sleep. And I would wake myself up from laughing

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The lesbian knitting panda
The lesbian knitting panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my mum has snored so loudly she's woken up, done the same with laughter. Wonder how common it is.

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#37

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My ex's kid had a bed in the same room with us (he was 4) and one night I happened to just wake up and look over at him and he rose form his bed and stared out at the wall and whispered " who are you?" and at this point I was in full nope mode, and then he whispered "don't tell them" and then flopped back in his bed.

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#38

My college roommate and I apparently talked to each other in our sleep. His girlfriend said one time:

Me: dude, did you see that girl?

Him: so hot

Me: yeah man. I mean, did you see her elbows?

And this was approximately for 20 minutes

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#39

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My partner used to regularly talk in her sleep

Creepiest:-

It's late at night, after midnight, but I'm not entirely sure how late. I've not fallen asleep, but I turn over to try get comfy and see her looking straight at me and she says "Did you see it move?"

I promptly panicked and had to turn the light on, to which I get a mumbled groan of displeasure from my darling girlfriend who has slept through this entire thing.

Funniest:-

Hard to decide between: "Why does he get XP for it, it's only a f*****g rock" and "Why is there a dead Pterodactyl in the living room?!"

I never did find out the answers to both those questions.


EDIT: I asked her. The XP dream was apparently Skyrim related, it was pre ARK even coming out I think, and she's never played it. Still none the wiser on deceased Pterodactyls

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The lesbian knitting panda
The lesbian knitting panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WHY IS THERE A DEAD PTERODACTYL IN THE LIVING ROOM? I THINK THATS A REASONABLE QUESTION.

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#40

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "And then the horse came out of the tree and gave birth to me".

Mumbled into my ear at three am. When I told him about it the next morning, I changed it to "and then the horse came out of the tree and ate me" just to make it less Freudian.

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#41

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife once in the middle of a dead sleep just did like a possessed scream/yell. It was from quiet to loud. Kind of like aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. And then she started snoring immediately after. I didn’t go back to sleep for a while.

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Black Pearl
Black Pearl
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once my sister was sleeping in my parents' bed and my dad was on a business trip so it was just my mom in the bed. My sister, at like 2 in the morning, apparently turned around to look my mom in the face and screamed as loud as she could. In the morning my mom told her and she had no memory of it. I still think it's the funniest thing ever lol.

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#42

I talk a lot in my sleep. Yesterday, in my sleep, I propped myself up on one elbow and said “Purple bowls. Purple bowls.”

He asked, “What purple bowls?”

I said, “You’re getting abducted by purple bowls.”

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#43

He said my name drawn out long and with mild contempt. Then he yells “THE LADERRRRRRR!”

I’ll get the ladder for you, babe. No worries.

Edit:
Just last night: He’s moving around slightly more than normal, so I wake up and ask if he’s okay. He says

“you need me to do two things?” I giggle as he gargles this in his sleep.

“What two things?” I’m still giggling

“You asked me to do two things. You tell me.”

“Uh, fix our vacuum?” (He broke the vacuum a little while ago)

“Oh. I don’t want to do that. Pick something else.”

“Go to sleep, love. That’s the second thing.”

“Ohkaaaaay. Love yooooou.” And out light a light.

He is really sweet, I tell ya.

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#44

Me: "I'm off to work"
Him: "But.. you're so nice"
Me: "Well, thanks. Nice people still have to work though"
Him: "NO! Cuddling me should be your job. I can pay!" * spreads arms *

Not creepy. Just cute.

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#45

My husband's Dad died on a fishing boat in the bering sea last year. It was a terrible way to go and he yells DAD very loudly like he's trying to warn him a line is about to hit him

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#46

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My girlfriend will sometimes bolt upright and stare into the corner, when I ask her what’s up she’ll say “there’s someone in the corner”. I kinda laugh and be like what are you on about and then she’ll start laughing along too. Then she’ll wake up and be like “why did you wake me up? What do you want it’s late!”

I guess it sounds pretty creepy but honestly I find it hilarious

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tara
tara
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One night my 10 year old and I had to share a bed while visiting a relative. She sat up in the middle of the night (I was on my side facing her) and she pointed behind me and said "Look there it is!!" It took everything in me to turn around and look.......at nothing.

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#47

My ex woke up halfway through the night once screaming "RESISTANCE" with a Hitler like salute.

Edit: my ex was a small Dominican woman

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#48

My girlfriend says loads of weird stuff. Some of my favourites are:

“They got 4 things for Christmas”

“Why is the monkey lonely”

“I cut some of the thick italian”

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Xavi Palacios
Xavi Palacios
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last one has me convinced that she wasn’t sleep-talking, but instead confessing to butchering a thick Italian

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#49

My girlfriend at the time had stayed over for the night the first time. Still fairly early in the relationship so we hadn't done anything intimate at the point. That'll be relevant here in a second. She caught me sleep talking.

Me "Put it in there."

Her "Put what in where!?"

Me "Put the sandwich in the bag!"

I'd been working as a trainer at a fast food place and was dreaming about someone not understanding what I thought were basic instructions.

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#50

SO: *HAHAHAHH! HAHAHA!* while sitting bolt a*s upright in bed.

Me: WTF?! Jesus christ, what are you doing?

SO: *HAHAHHA!!!!*

Me: Are you f*****g asleep?!

SO: NO! HHAHAHA!

Me: Yes you are, why are you laughing like that?

SO: Can't tell. We did it.

Me: Did what?

SO: Nope. HAHAHHA! We got Chris a PRESENT!

Me:..We got him a present, but you wont tell me what it is?

SO: HAHAHHAHHAH!!!!

Me: Ok, you need to stop and go back to bed

SO : HAHAH...hah... FLAME RETARDENT POKEMON. Hah

And then he went back to sleep.

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#51

I have such a list here. My husband constantly thinks he is choking while he sleeps. I once woke up to him straddling me holding his hands to his throat and making the most god-awful gurgling noise.

But sometimes he’s also very polite, like thanking his guests for the splendid pie and complimenting the party.

One more:

He once got up, looked out the window and said “I thought this was going to be a clean Revolution... it’s turned out to be quite a dirty one” then pets our cat.

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#52

My ex used to talk in his sleep and kind of sleepwalk too.. It was pretty funny.

My favorite was when I woke up to him holding my coat to the door, dropping it, and putting it back to the door. Not like, trying to hang it on the door, just like.... holding it to the door and dropping it repeatedly.

I asked him, uhhhhhhh what are you doing? He gave me a funny look and crept into the bathroom slowly, peeked around, looked at me (in bed) and asked, "are you in there?"

"in..... where?"

"the bathroom."

"no, i'm in bed..."

"oh. okay." and he came back to bed.

My second favorite was when he shook me awake and told me "I'm definitely not gonna do it." "do WHAT?" "yeah, I'm just feeling waaaayy too lazy and unmotivated right now." no s**t dude, you're asleep....

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Audra Sisler
Audra Sisler
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My younger brother use to sleepwalk. He told me once that he woke up knocking on the neighbor's door and hauled a*s back across the street when he woke up😆😆😆

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#53

Me asleep: go get the buckets

Him: buckets for what?

Me: the cats.

Him: buckets?

Me: yeah the cat buckets! Buckets for the cats yano! Then apparently I got annoyed and it ended. Its years old and still appears in conversations as one of the best sleep talks we've had.

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#54

We live in a small house while getting ready to build a bigger one so we're all sharing a bedroom. My husband and my 4 year old daughter both talk in their sleep and will talk to each other. Weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life.

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#55

The oranges don't go over fifty.

Over fifty?

S**t, they're going over fifty!

What the f**k do you mean over fifty?!

I don't know.

That was the most annoying conversation I've ever had and she wasn't even conscious! I still want to know what she meant to this very day.

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Jordi Sharpe
Jordi Sharpe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a scientifically* proven** fact*** that oranges which travel over fifty miles an hour will spontaneously achieve sentience. | *no actual sciences included | **what exactly does "proven" mean anyway? | ***facts are lame bro!

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#56

My fiancé has some weird sleepwalking instances. The creepiest was when I woke up to him walking around in a circle from our bedroom, through the hallway and living room, and back into the bedroom over and over (the bedroom has two doors). I asked him what the hell he was doing and all he said was “I’m following the lines.” I think I said something like “HELL NO YOU CREEPY M**********R GET YOUR A*S BACK IN BED!”

The other one is funnier. He jumped up out of bed, ran to the bathroom and started rifling through the closet. I asked him what the hell he was going and he busted out with “CHECK—BATHROOM SQUIRREL!” Apparently he had a dream about a large bearded squirrel in our bathroom and he thought he should follow it. Narnia dreaming bastard. I love him.

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#57

When I was in high school, our class took a trip to a nearby town for a couple of days. Apparently in the middle of the night I sat myself straight up and jumped down the bed. I must've been very loud, cause I woke up a bunch of people. I proceeded to walk up to my teachers room, opened the door loudly and (according to my class) asked everyone present:

"Do you also put shallots in your onion soup, or am I the only one?"

Next day I couldn't remember anything, but everyone was laughing at me. Still one of my favorite stories that happened to me.

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#58

I have to pee *gets up and walks away*

~~half a minute later~~

wow hun thanks for turning on the bathroom light for me



Turns out he went in the fridge

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#59

I've told this story here before, but...

About 10 years ago, I had just started dating this girl I'd had a massive crush on. We were fresh out of high school, and her parents went out of town for a weekend. I was going to finally sleep in her bed with her, and I was amped.

I have a bit of trouble sleeping in a new place, so I was awake after she'd already knocked out. I tried to keep my eyes closed and let sleep come. Just I started to drift off, I heard a sound like scratching on wood, quick and getting faster. I opened my eyes and oriented myself again. It wasn't scratching. It was whispering. And it was getting louder.

My girlfriend was rapidly whispering, "She is the devil in disguise she is the devil in disguise…" I turned my head to look at her, and her eyes were wide open, looking directly at me, but glossed over, like she was looking through me. The whispering continued until she stopped mid sentence: "She is the devil in disguise she is the dev— He can't help you."

She closed her eyes and went rolled over, leaving me with a very "What the f**k…?" feeling. I asked her about it in the morning, and she said she used to talk in her sleep a lot as a kid.

I still have no idea if she was messing with me or if she just had odd sleep habits.

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Mary Bricklin
Mary Bricklin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

...Yeah, think I'd be looking into exorcisms if I ever experienced that.

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#60

My little brother: “it’s all good guys. I’ll be right back.”

Stands up and walks just outside my room.

Pees all over the floor.

Me: “What the hell??! What’re you doing?”

LB: “just using the bathroom.”

Me: “you gonna clean that up or flush.”

LB: “already did.”

Little brother tries to go back to sleep.

Me: “WAKE UP AND CLEAN UP YOUR PEE??!!!”

LB: “what pee?”

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Lou Cam
Lou Cam
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother used to sleepwalk and had a habit of peeing in the wardrobe in the middle of the night. My other brother said he caught him once mid-pee and he was feeling around for the flusher so he obviously thought he was in the right room.

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#61

I wasn't very well and got up to go loo and when i came back i thought my boyfriend was awake (his eyes were open and looking at me) so i told him i wasn't well, he told me to take a potion. I asked him what he was on about and he kept telling me to take a potion, i just sat there really confused before he finally said "you know the potion you got from doing that quest" that was when i knew he was asleep we are both gamers so it explained the potion bit.

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#62

Me, screaming "YOU B***H, YOU B***H!" in the middle of the night at my in laws summer home with them in the very next room.

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#63

I pulled a (pellet) gun on my dad while sleep walking...to pay him back a nickel that I apparently owed him.

Absolutely insisted that he take the money too.

Looking back on it, I can somewhat figure out how it all transpired. I big into DOOM at the time, played it for hours on end.

I also got a new handgun-style pellet gun, which I kept in my room.

I have no idea why I owed my dad a nickel though...

Fortunately, he took the whole thing in stride, basically disarmed me, took the nickel, turned me around and sent me back to bed.

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tara
tara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband kept trying to pass me an imaginary cigarette one night while he was asleep. He wouldn't stop tapping me with his hand until I took the imaginary smoke and put it out.

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#64

My ex used to sometimes talk in her sleep and one night I was up really late and was high just watching TV and I heard her say, very clearly to me,

*"Let's get McDonald's."*

I thought to myself that it was a great idea, so I got up and started getting dressed. After I was done I went back to wake her and she was out. I shook her a couple of times and said, *"Let's go, I'm ready."* She finally woke up and said, *"What? No, it's late go to bed."*

I was so disappointed because I totally thought she wanted to go and I was too high to drive, so I had to get undressed again and go back to bed. Looking back, I totally should have known that was just her talking in her sleep, but I was so high I did not want to accept that as the reality and chose to believe I was gonna get some McDonald's.

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#65

Me: *covers girlfriend with blanket*

GF: "Thank you, Patrick"

Patrick is not a regional name and as far as I know, we don't know any Americans or Irish or whatever. I can only assume she was thanking SpongeBob's best friend

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#66

One morning when I was in my early 20's, my roommate greeted me at breakfast with a wary eye. It seems that in the middle of the night, I began singing. It was singing at first, then gradually it got louder until I was screaming (like I was terrified), then settled back down into singing. It alternated for a while until she worked up the nerve to peek into my room and by that time I'd quieted down. Can't remember anything about it of course, and the weird thing is I'm not really a singer although she said my voice sounded lovely.

I don't know who was freaked out more about the whole thing, me or her.

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#67

Haha - this is perfect because I'M the sleep talker in our relationship.

We were in Vegas, pretty drunk and slightly sick from some bad Panda Express. We decided it would be good to take a nap and sleep off the bad feelings.

Apparently in the middle of my sleep, I started mumbling about "fabric". This intrigued my girlfriend rather intently, so she asked me "...what?".

Apparently I got agitated that I had to say it again; I said pretty sternly "The fabric on these suits are so ugly!". As I was saying this I was rubbing the comforter pretty vigorously. Cue girlfriend cracking up and me ending up more agitated because she couldn't see just how ugly that fabric on the suit was.

She'll never let this go. I'm happy she's a light sleeper so she can tell me what I say!

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#68

Not my spouse, me. I’ve asked “What is your taco going to dress up for Halloween as?”

I asked him once how much the liberty horses were, and because I had bitten him and also punched him in my sleep before, when I got angry he did not have an answer he yelled I DONT KNOW until I woke up.

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#69

I woke up once to my girlfriend muttering something about square roots f*****g with her. This happened several times during the night and I eventually worked out that she was trying to perform a tree measurement calculation we had been studying all night in preparation for the test we had tomorrow. She had studied too hard and her brain was slowly working through the calculation in her head, but getting hung up on the square roots.

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#70

My girlfriend in college once rolled over so her mouth was right by my ear.

She then says, in a super hoarse voice, "DEATH".

She had no memory of this the next day, and didn't remember any dreams.

I'm still alive so...who knows.

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#71

One time when I was around 6, I came down stairs from my room, sleepwalking, walk past my parents and go into the pantry. My dad walks up to me to see me going through the pantry.

Dad "what are you doing?"

Me "looking"

D "what are you looking for?"

M "the box"

D "..... why dont you go back to bed"

M "okay"

I then apparently walked past my brother who, thinking I was messing with my parents, goes to give me a highfive. I then limbo under his hand and go back to bed. I have no recollection of this at all.

On another occasion I walked into this same brothers room and proclaim how i need to pee then walk to the bathroom and then back to bed.

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Mary Bricklin
Mary Bricklin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm cracking up picturing the look on the brothers face as his sibling limbos under his hand. 😂😂

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#72

Not my partner, but my best friend. Drunk on New years and everyone was going to bed and she slept next to me. Middle of the night she goes "who the f**k stole my wine". I burst out laughing and it woke up her and other people around me.

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#73

I wrote this one down because it was so good.

"I don't like waking up and you're not there; it's like putting my d**k in the toaster."

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#74

My husband talks a lot in his sleep. Most recently he looked distressed, so I reached over and kissed him to try to make him feel better. He became even more distressed and said, "What the F**K was THAT" and turned over in a huff. Well sooOOooOooOoOOOooorry.

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#75

I'm the sleep walker here, but according to my gf there are 2 of particular note.

in the first, I threw myself on top of her. convinced I needed to shield her from whatever I was freaking out over. "you need to be very quiet"

in the second, I put her back to bed. she was trying to get up before me. I got up, walked around the bed, and laid her back down, folded her arms on her chest, tucked her in, then walked all the way around the bed and climbed in again. I have a particular memory of this one because she kept moving her arms and this was very annoying for reasons only dream logic can explain.

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#76

We're alone in the house, GF asleep on the couch.

Me: Hey, let's go to bed

GF: they're already in there.

Me: ...who's in there?

GF: (exasperated for some reason) THE TWINS.

I slept on the couch that night too.

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#77

“Bleach your a*****e already, would ya?”

He sleeps very hard, we can have conversations while he’s asleep. I’ve got several of them on video and they’re some of my most favorite things

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#78

Them: We gotta get the penguins in the tubes!

Me: why

Them: were going to be late otherwise!

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Xavi Palacios
Xavi Palacios
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hurry up and get the penguins in fcking tubes Susan! We don’t have time for your BS

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#79

Him - "It's been four years and people still care!"

Me - "Care about what?"

Him - "The crash."

Me - "What crash? Train, car?"

Him - "Computer!" He said the last part rather angrily. If I questioned him again, he'd say "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Oh and one time, I woke up in stomach pain. I've had some stomach issues and I know when it's urgent. I woke him up to warn him I might need to go the ER.

Me - "Baby, my stomach hurts. Really badly"

Him - "Oh no, hold on me! Then just do the..." then he rolled to his side and said "In this life, sometimes we just do what the..."

Me - "Baby come on!! My stomach really hurts, I might need to go to the ER"

Him - "Oh no, hold onto me! It's ok we just gotta tell them to turn it down, and we can leave."

Me, shaking his shoulder this time - "Baby, my stomach really hurts!"

Him - "Oh no, hold onto me!" this time he was awake and didn't remember the first two times.

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#80

I’m the sleep talking in my relationship, so I asked my partner and he said,


“You just say random sentences. A common one is “Did you hear what I said?!” In your angry voice”. So I guess in my dreams I’m also annoyed by people not listening to me?


When I was younger I’d sleep walk, and my parents once found me crouched under the kitchen table ‘watching’ them walk by (with my eyes closed of course) That was the creepiest they’d told me

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#81

Well, this doesn’t technically count but I’m gonna share.
I was half-awake one night and I had this nagging feeling that there was someone in the corner of my room. Then I heard a whisper and right after that, my girlfriend woke up with a gasp. I asked her what was wrong and she said it was a bad dream. Next day, I ask her what the dream was and she said that someone was in the corner of the room and she heard a whisper. I asked her to tell me which corner and it was the same one as me.

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#82

While camping with a friend -- who wakes up an hour before me -- I had apparently been repeating "Come here boy" for the past 15 minutes before I woke up. I don't know why as I've never said that.

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#83

Not a partner, but me when I was ~5. One night I was in bed at maybe 10ish sleeping and then I started SCREAMING “Leaves for underwear! Leaves for underwear!”. Im still not sure who had leaves for underwear.

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Xavi Palacios
Xavi Palacios
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oml it’s that other dude who was talking about the bags of leaves! It all ties together now

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#84

Well, besides the time I woke up to my partner SCREAMING bloody murder, the very first time she stayed over I woke up to her saying in a loud firm voice, "IT IS TIME. YES, IT IS TIME."

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#85

I talk in my sleep all the time. I guess this is hereditary because my father talked in his sleep a lot.

When I was a kid my parents and I were living in a tiny studio apartment and once, according to my mother, we were talking to each other. I had my separate dream, he had his, our beds were at different sides of the apartment. Yet we had a conversation that went more like an argument.

Nowadays I have this sleeptalk recording app and I know for a fact that every now and then I would laugh in my sleep, like this exaggerated loud villain laugh, so creepy.

EDIT: The app I am using is Sleep Talk on IOS. There is a similar one on Android called "Sleep"

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#86

I don't have a partner but... I do talk in my sleep. I wake myself up all the time from hearing my own voice. Pretty weird. Sometimes I'll yell at people in my dream and hear myself then wake up. Sometimes I punch and kick. When I punch the wall it scares me so bad I wake up with my heart racing postured to fend off the intruder. Was camping one time though and a friend kept going off saying he wanted mustard.

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Me Oh My
Me Oh My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On a similar note to this one, one time at Girl Scout camp, everyone in my cabin was woken up by this one girl who sat up, screamed "FROGS!", and promptly fell back asleep.

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#87

Girlfriend has a little brother named Nathan who she fairly frequently gets into disagreements with. One night she’s at my house. About 3am rolls and I’m woken up by her sitting straight up, staring at the foot of the bed and yelling “NATHAN!” as if he had just done something to p**s her off. She then falls (not very gracefully) flat onto her back straight to sleep. Meanwhile I just kind of stare at her flabbergasted for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out what just happened. Little did I know, this was only the first of many similar nights.

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#88

My roommate told me that one time in the middle of the night that I had a shiver of fear then said aye caramba, with a poor Bart Simpson impression.

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#89

While watching her sleep, I heard my neighbor talk about the 60’s and the extraordinary length of pubic hair at the time.

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#90

My boyfriend last week: "Just take my body!"

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#91

I've been known to walk and talk in my sleep.

My favourite is last year, sat bolt upright and said:

Jesus is a m**********r, he won't do s**t.

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#92

While on vacation my SO woke up and said 'I think I saw a rat right there!' while pointing somewhere behind the bed and then promptly fell back asleep.

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tara
tara
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend once called and woke me up out of a dead sleep. She asked what I doing and I said "I'm look for the dice." When she said "What dice" I came to completely, with my arm shoved behind the bed, fishing around for something...I guess the dice.

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#93

I once asked my partner at the time "do you like red hot chilli peppers?" Not sure why as neither of us did.

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#94

My fiancé once whispered very, very quietly:

‘I think there’s been a rape up there’

It was pretty creepy, but I think he was actually just quoting the office (UK version)

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#95

I told my girlfriend I loved her the second week of dating.

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SomePeopleCallMeMaurice
SomePeopleCallMeMaurice
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a boyfriend say that “I love you” to me in the middle of the night after 3 months together. I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night, wondering if he meant it or was talking in his sleep. Shortly after I told him about it, he broke up with me 😬 He said there was too much pressure now. Dude - you said it, not me!

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#96

I kid you not. My brother once woke me up with him banging his head up and down and screaming random noises.. In his sleep

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#97

I asked my girlfriend if she had seen the devil like I had

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#98

I always find it the most creepy when he just laughs out of nowhere.

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#99

I used to sleep walk all the time when i was a kid.

I would talk to people like they were in my dream but the most random s**t

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