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There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.

So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?

A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.

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#1

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.

ArthurMcSlothington , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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Vic
Vic
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with this.. never take the freedom to express..

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#2

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.

MedschoolgirlMadison , saturnism Report

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#3

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’

Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.

Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.

debbastar , TheVirtualDenise Report

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TexasWoman
TexasWoman
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.

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Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”

Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”

However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”
#4

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.

sas1013 , Chris Report

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Rebecca
Rebecca
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We do not get paid enough for your rude/mean/ignorant comments, but we have to put on a brave face or risk getting fire.

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#5

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.

miaowies , Oran Viriyincy Report

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Vic
Vic
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even in lifts.. if this happens in a lift and it's a friend I say "do you think I was in the lift to kidnap you?" Specially if it's the first or last floor..

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#6

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.

vaguelyhumanpotato , jessabean910 Report

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TexasWoman
TexasWoman
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or about someone's medical problem(s) because they can't control it.

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Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”

Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”

Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.

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#7

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.

whattheheckisdecaf , Alan Levine Report

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#8

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.

If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.

SpottyBoi , Benjamin Linh VU Report

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#9

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't propose at someone else's wedding.

LongliveLazarus , Robert Kintner Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.

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Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.

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“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.

While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.
#10

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.

untakenu , Georgie Pauwels Report

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#11

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.

sa-c-baker , Michael Livsey Report

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Jacob Allen
Jacob Allen
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.

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#12

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.

knasty015 , Peter Hellberg Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.

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“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”

Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.
#13

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.

tonineri31 , Toshiyuki IMAI Report

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#14

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.

Dancersep38 , DarkoStojanovic Report

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Anne
Anne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES! Your doc doesn't care if you used drugs, he just needs to know so other procedures do not kill you because of that. Also, he's not even allowed to report you to police.

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#15

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.

Kayge , Thomas Quine Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.

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#16

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.



Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.

wastakenanyways , Free-Photos Report

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Karl Baxter
Karl Baxter
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.

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#17

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!

M3ggsandbacon , Polycart Report

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#18

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.

MHE17 , Matus Laslofi Report

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Julie C Rose
Julie C Rose
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.

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#19

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.

Master_Structure , Alabama Extension Report

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Little Ms. Quirky
Little Ms. Quirky
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid

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#20

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.

simplypsyched , Mike Mozart Report

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Remi Flynne
Remi Flynne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.

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#21

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Announce your visits.

You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.

Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.

Dionysus24779 , AFL-CIO America's Unions Report

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Peko
Peko
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hate it when people do that. I have a phone, you have a phone, everyone and their uncle have a phone, just give me a heads up.

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#22

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Leave it in a better condition than you found it.

Essexal , Elizabeth Backus Report

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#23

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can

M31K_ , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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#24

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't start drama at a funeral.

mattcruise , carolynabooth Report

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#25

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.

I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.

I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.

Hotlikessauce69 , Maya ALESHKEVICH Report

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Jen Gem
Jen Gem
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.

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#26

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.

I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.

Komikazekitten , Rob Wall Report

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Kristal
Kristal
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This includes bass in a sound system for TVs when in apartment living.

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#27

Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time

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#28

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't cook fish in the office kitchen

TiNYWalL , claire rowland Report

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#29

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

olafthebent , Gary J. Wood Report

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#30

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.

Tauqmuk181 , Yonkers Honda Report

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elStiJneriNO
elStiJneriNO
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning

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#31

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.

FreshPrinceofDelTaco , alex roberts Report

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Vic
Vic
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But then it puts pressure on the person and makes it awkward. The person with most expensive bill should offer that everyone pays for their own.. or as we say India TTMM: Tu tera, mein mera (roughly translates to: you pay yours, I'll pay mine)

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#32

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” I have two:

1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.

2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.

UninfluentialWear , Vetiver Aromatics Report

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María Hermida
María Hermida
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.

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#33

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”

Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.

thakrustykrabpizza , Pedro Ribeiro Simões Report

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#34

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't look through the f**king gap of bathroom stalls.

PatricktheVieiraYep , Ben Schumin Report

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#35

DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.

Yhslaw1 Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.

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#36

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.

Havoo , Stephanie Kier Report

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Elizabeth Stewart
Elizabeth Stewart
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exception to this: chronic or severe illness (ex: cancer) I am in and out of the hospital frequently and am sick quite often. My brain is also drained dealing with appointments and treatments and such. The friends who understand when I have to cancel AND ask me again in a few days to reschedule make a huge difference. They are some of my biggest support while I am trying to fight this.

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#37

If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap

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Jo Johannsen
Jo Johannsen
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.

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#38

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If someone whispers, you whisper back.

GalvanizedRubber , Olichel Report

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#39

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.

MartyMcMuffin , Tal Atlas Report

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Deborah B
Deborah B
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and understand that noone wants to hear your phone convo either.

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#40

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.

MustBeTheMeds , Mike Mozart Report

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Aaron Kara
Aaron Kara
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hey man. Nice testicles" - Was the last thing Aaron said before he died

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#41

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't ask for something if the person only has one left (gum, cigarette, piece of cake, etc.).

anothersocialoutcast , Renato Guerreiro Report

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Anne
Anne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well you don't necessarily know if it's their last..

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#42

Dont sneeze directly into another persons face.

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#43

Not pointing out flaws in someone’s physical appearance

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Anne
Anne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

unless they can fix it in 30 seconds (like clean teeth, spritz a deodorant)

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#44

Don’t just say things like “I love your baby bump!” to some random person.

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#45

Raise your children in a loving environment, but always make sure you respect them as individuals as well. One day they’ll be living their own life and might have to decide whether or not they personally want to take care of you when you’re old/sick/deteriorating.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the start but not the ending. I don’t want my kids taking care of me when the time comes that I can’t look after myself.

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#46

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Stand up when you shake someone's hand.

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BOU
BOU
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After you are vaccinated. Until then please stand up an bow.

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#47

Knock twice before opening the door.

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Truthsayer
Truthsayer
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should be “don’t open the door until you have been given permission or you have made absolutely sure no-one is in the room before you open it.” Knocking and opening before giving some a chance to deny or pause entry is makes the knocking moot

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#48

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. Don’t do it.

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Anne
Anne
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this one makes no sense at all. If you are embarrassed by being seen with someone, you should be extremely ashamed of yourself for being so shallow and rethink your decisions why to hang out with that person at all.

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#49

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Pee first. No matter what it is, pee first.

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#50

I have 2...

1. Don't touch someone you don't know; you might get throat punched. And for that matter, if you DO know the person and KNOW they don't like to be touched, just because you're their mother doesn't give you the right to touch/hug them - and saying "I'm going to touch you" before you do it, just makes us tense up. And when you feel that tension, don't start to rub our shoulders to relax us. Respect boundaries.

2. Just because you're elderly and think you have the right to speak your mind doesn't mean you actually should. Keep your trap shut and mind your own business, you old biddy.

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Anne
Anne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this one is weird and very personal. Not a general life rule at all

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