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It’s arguably safe to say that everyone has secrets, no matter how big or small. And they’re secrets for a reason, as people might not want those around them to know what it is that they feel, know, or have experienced.
Yet for some reason, disclosing secrets to individuals they don’t know might not be as difficult or scary. Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed the topic, after the user ‘meepmorp98’ asked them what is a secret they wouldn’t tell outside the bounds of the internet. Fellow netizens were open and honest about it and shared stories ranging from wholesome to heartbreaking, and beyond, so scroll down to find them and see what is easier to confess without someone’s eyes staring directly at you.
Seeking to learn more about how sharing secrets anonymously can affect us, Bored Panda reached out to Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University, Maurice J. Elias, and Professor of Communications at Syracuse University, Makana Chock, who were kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You can find their thoughts in the text below.
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#1
My fiance loves to sing around the house - but only when I'm not there or can't hear. She has the most beautiful voice and incredible vocal ability.
My secret? When I have my headphones on around the house, she'll sometimes call out to me and I'll pretend I can't hear her at all. She'll often start singing and I turn my headphones off so I can hear her properly. It's been 4 years and she still doesn't know that I purposely ignore her so I can listen to her singing.
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#2
A few years ago my dads truck was broken into and he lost all of his rings (he had several silver rings, would take them off to drive bc the wheel rubbing on the rings was iritating. Forgot them in the truck one day and they were all stolen).
My dad is not the type to accept gifts, especially if it's a replacement for something that was lost due to his own error.
Over the years, I've been slowly replacing them. I'll save up, buy a ring that looks similar to one of the old ones, and then I'll either claim I found it somewhere or leave it for him to find.
I replaced 2 by pretending I found them in the snow while out shoveling. Months later I left one outside our front door for him to find.
It makes him SO happy everytime one is found. I hope he never finds out I am the one leaving them lol.
#3
I’ve tried to off myself several times before, I have “ letters” hidden everywhere to my husband and my kids and my mom and siblings. I started Zoloft because of it, I had developed a panic disorder about three years ago and no one would take me seriously when i would try to talk about it, other than my husband, I started Zoloft for my anxiety, but in reality I started it so i would stay alive for my husband and my children, and it’s been 4 months in, and the past two weeks I’ve actually felt happy, like excited about living instead of the opposite.
#4
I have come to realize that I like being around my pets more than people, as my pets are not inherently corrupt.
Studies found that a person keeps around 13 secrets at any given moment, five of which they haven’t revealed to anyone; the other eight were likely shared on Reddit.
According to Professor of Communications at Syracuse University, Makana Chock, there are complicated motivations for revealing secrets. “Unburdening can help people to heal, grow, and make things right. Some social media confessions, however, may also be motivated by a need for attention and self-justification,” she told Bored Panda.
“Social media can be anonymous and asynchronous, which facilitates online disinhibition. You can confess to strangers—and hopefully receive reassurance or sympathy—with limited risk. If you tell a secret to someone whom you know and care about, there are greater consequences to being judged negatively and having that secret shared among your social group.”
#5
Back when we were dating, my wife found out I'd never had a surprise birthday party before. She *really* wanted to throw one for me, which I was okay with. Only one problem: it never worked. She'd try almost every year, try throwing surprise parties for other occasions. Each time, as she was planning stuff, I'd pick up on some discrepancy in her cover story, or pick up on something that a friend said, ask about it, and she'd be unable to cover it.
Then finally, after years and years of this, she pulled it off. She was delighted and so proud that she at last managed to surprise me. She's talked about it for years, about how close I came to uncovering it. It made her so happy, and it was a lot of fun.
Except what actually happened is I finally managed to be quick enough putting the pieces together to stop myself before I asked about the discrepancy in her cover story. Played dumb, pretended I had no idea. Acted surprised when the day came.
She will never know.
#6
Just about every day, when I am in the car headed to work, I genuinely contemplate just driving off and leaving everything behind. My fantasy is heading all the way to Alaska, living in a motel room, and washing dishes for work.
I can't go through with it because I have people counting on me.
Yes, I am in therapy.
Edit: I got a message from a bot that a concerned Redditor was reaching out. I don't know who you are, but I appreciate you. I can assure you that I do not wish to harm myself. Just experiencing "the call of the void". Thank you, though. You are a good person.
Jack Burton 9 months ago
Yeap i also have this weird run away fantasy. It's usually a disguised suicidal trouble said my therapist. Sometimes i feel like i could just drive and not going to work, not going back to home. Even if i love my wife and kids, that's weird. Usually i feel ashamed after that thought and it makes me sad. Freakin middle life crisis.....
#7
Sometimes I get up in the morning, shower, get ready, and then get back into bed and pretend to be sleeping just so my daughter can run into our room and wake me up.
She's 7, and still loves waking me up in the morning to get my day started by seeing her face first.
I pray that I will never know a day that doesn't start like this.
#8
I hired a sex worker once. No sex had or wanted. She was surprised. I just wanted someone to talk to freely. Therapists in my area never called me back so I got mad and got it done that way. She had an easy night lol. She was actually a cool person once the dust settled and we figured it out. My male friends would be disappointed I didn’t bang her and my female friends would be revolted. F**k all of them, I’m gonna be me.
Be it Reddit or any other online platform where you can post things anonymously, it seems to be easier to unveil secrecies there rather than to someone’s face. While discussing the reasons for why that is, Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University and author of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting, Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., pointed out that just because we confess something, it doesn't mean that we want to take responsibility for it.
“Just as little children try to ‘hide’ behind one finger, adults ‘hide’ by attempting to conceal their identity,” he told Bored Panda in a recent interview. “It's also worth reflecting on the structure of the Catholic confessional—there is an attempt to make confession easier by making the confrontation not be ‘face to face’.”
The expert added that there was the common belief that the eyes are the window to the soul, which makes some anonymous confessions somewhat incomplete, as people might be holding back on perhaps some of the worst details... details that might be detectable through eye contact.
#9
My life expectancy is less than a year. My friends and family think I'm anti social but actually I spend most of my time in bed. I don't want to tell anyone and I don't know why.
#10
I had a “best friend” that would humiliate me in front of groups of friends. One night he decided to do it in front of the guy I had just started dating, sharing really embarrassing/personal stories and wouldn’t stop. Everyone was laughing. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the toilet with his toothbrush. Have never told a soul about that.
#11
I ran in a high school track meet once using a tampon. The entire tampon. Plastic tube and all. I was so confused on how these were in popular use because wow what a pain in the a*s it was trying to keep that little extendable plastic stick from falling out, why did people like using these things???
Edit - I have deep regret about the word choice of "pain in the a*s" in this post 😂.
Savannah greenleaf 9 months ago
The edit makes this so much worse. I can almost hear the snide comments.
#12
I read a lot. I wake up as early as 4-4:30 a.m. so I can read, or even stay up super late. Not just because I like it a lot, but because it keeps me from thinking intrusive thoughts ever since my mother died 5 years ago from cancer. The feeling of going into another world if only for a moment makes me feel secure. Not sure if that’s healthy, but it’s better than any antidepressant I was given that made me feel like a different person.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I too use reading as a “make the bad thoughts go away” thing. Can’t be actively suicidal if my brain is occupied with reading words!
While revealing secrets is typically not easy, it can make you feel better; even if for a moment. According to Prof. Elias, confession unburdens us from the powerful emotions of guilt and shame. “Yet in confessional situations, people still are fearful that they will be judged harshly if the worst of their actions are known,” he added. “So we get partial confessionals, which sometimes can make the guilt and shame easier to live with but more often only bring temporary relief.”
#13
I have told a few people. But it’s limited.
I am a CSA victim and my abuser made national news twice for the video she took of us boys, not the physical abuse. Police didn’t investigate properly, and when I went to make a report 30 years after the abuse the cop at reception was a hostile, rude aggressive man. I walked out actually crying. The cop quit his job 2 weeks into his investigation. But that cop literally broke me soul.
I don’t feel strong enough to open up about my abuse and how hard it’s been being let down by police at every step.
🤷♂️ .
#14
Im in love with my best friend.
I told her two years ago that I wanted to take her on actual date, and she told me she just wanted to be friends. After that’s It was a couple weeks of her not really talking to me and then unfortunately she had an accident. The accidentally resulted in problems partially impacting both long and short term memory.
I didn’t ask if she remembered our conversation. And we more or less went back to the way things were, other than her telling me the same adorable stories over and over again, multiple times a week.
Katrina Anderson 9 months ago
Omg, I’m reminded of 50 first dates in real life. And the way he talks about her is so sweet, and yet the situation is so sad.
#15
I work in a front-facing role where I interact with customers, sub contractors and clients for 12h a day. I'm chatty, full of energy and I get on with everyone. But outside of work, I have no friends. The one friend I had has moved away and we speak very rarely anymore.
Catherine Burgin 9 months ago
I thought for a moment that I had written this and forgotten about it. I feel so alone sometimes.
#16
I don't like the name we picked for our daughter. It's a classic name that works well where we live and with her brothers name. I don't hate it by all means, but I would have wanted a different name. I couldn't bring myself to tell my partner because it is his favorite name of all time, and he agreed to my favorite name for our son.
I am about to pop, and at times, I think I have not delivered already because I am not ready to accept her name.
Edit: I probably should delete the comment, as it's not a secret anymore. I sat down with my partner and told him that I don't really like the name we choosed for our daughter. We had a long talk about it. He had similar feelings with our son and didn't say anything as he knew it was my favorite name. But he also said the name really grew on him, so no regrets there.
We agreed on waiting until I she is here and look how I feel about her being called by that name. If I really can't roll with it, we will look into different options and use that name as a middle name (we agreed on a different one for family reasons, but it isn't that important to us). Honestly, just talking to him about my doubts is making me feel a lot better. Ironically, I now have the feeling the name will grow on me, lol. Pregnancy hormones are wild, and all the good stories about names growing on people really helped as well! Thanks for everyone's advice.
If you’ve ever had to come clean about something and reveal a secret, you know just how nerve-racking it can be. And it doesn’t have to be something big to make your palms sweaty; minor things can be equally as uncomfortable to confess sometimes.
“That’s because few of us like to put our worst selves forward,” Prof. Elias pointed out. “And in cultures where perfectionism is not uncommon, admitting to any deficit appears to open the door to real, or potential, admissions of larger imperfections.
“Creating an environment in which people can acknowledge wrongdoing without feeling blamed and judged is a high aspiration for families, classrooms, and workplaces,” the expert added.
#17
I'm jealous of the friendships my friends have with each other. I've never felt as close to them as they do with each other. And as a 40 year old man, I would feel childish admitting this. I just feel like an outsider sometimes, and just wish I had the same kind of bond they do.
Raphapablap 9 months ago (edited)
At least they have friends, I'm nearing 40 and have none really of my own. If it weren't for my partner and her friends I'd barely have a social life.
#18
I'm almost a millionaire.. most of my family thinks I'm barely making it (I make 40k a year) but I invested wisely.
#19
My dad bought me an expensive hideous piece of jewelry when I had each of my babies. I pawned them but tell him they were in a box that was stolen out of my storage unit.
I felt guilty about it until I remind myself he kicked me out a couple months after turning 18. Came home to all my things in the driveway and all the locks changed. And I’m an only child! He’s lucky I even speak to him still.
jo_shortland 9 months ago
I will never understand why parent kick there kids out at 18, my child has a home for life
#20
When I eat tomato soup. I put cheese balls or cheeto puffs in it. It tastes amazing. It's like a fancy dinner cereal.
#21
I don't fully like my engagement ring. It's not at all what I showed my partner I liked but I will not tell him because he picked it out for me om his own and that is enough for me.
#22
Sometimes I tighten jar lids and ask my husband to help me open them. Or I’ll push something just out of my reach if it’s on a high shelf then ask him to grab it for me.
I love when he helps me, and I know he loves to do small things for me.
Friskey Horton 9 months ago
Lucky you, my husband puts stuff outof my reach and tightens lids, so i have to beg for his help, then wait.
#23
I have the desire to just pack my bags and leave. Start over somewhere where nobody knows me and expects something from me, and creating a life for myself. I feel guilty, though, because I feel like I won’t miss my family or my friends. That’s a secret eating me up.
#25
I once sat in a sauna at the gym contemplating what to do in life. Just in one of those moments in life where the road ahead was unclear. A man walked in who was 30+ years older than me and sat down. Just the two of us were there. I felt this strong urge to ask him his advice; what his regrets in life were, if he were in his 20's again, what would he do differently, etc. But my social anxiety (and general fear of men) kept me quiet. I've always regretted it. I think sometimes life puts opportunities in our path to learn and grow and missing *any* of them due to something like social anxiety is such a waste.
Katrina Anderson 9 months ago
We learn, we grow. If it weren’t for mistakes, we wouldn’t know what success felt like.
#26
I *really* enjoy BDSM but I can't tell my current partner bc he hates it and I feel like he'd look at me weird or just do it to please me and I don't want that
EDIT: Y'all I'm not gonna leave him for this because it's not like I'm dissatisfied with our sex life. BDSM is something I'm willing to sacrifice to keep loving this person because it's not one of my priorities in a relationship :).
zububonsai 9 months ago (edited)
Same, my partner is one of the most vanilla persons I've ever met. Edit: PS: yes, of course we talked about it but it's a b o t h consenting thing, so ...
#27
I pointed a gun at my stepmom's abusive boyfriend when he was sleeping and couldn't pull the trigger.
#28
I’ve been secretly trying to make my daughter’s first word “momma” because I know it will make my wife unimaginably happy. She’s doing well with the coaching so I think I’ve got a shot!
similarly 9 months ago
Just from a linguistics point of view: Dada is slightly easier for a little one to say. When my son was very small, I dropped something and said "Whoopsie!" and to my wife and me, and it sounded very much like my son said "Whoopsie" in the same voice ... but then he didn't speak again for a long time, so we were never sure if it wasn't just wishful thinking.
#29
A friend has a huge, very visible tattoo (inner forearm, almost wrist to elbow) that she designed and is proud of.
It's misspelled.
#30
I'm on a diet and I really miss comfort eating. Sometimes when I get desperately hungry I'll chew food then spit it out into a napkin and then chuck it in the bin. (In private obviously).
#31
My mother died in childbirth. I was the child. There was a photo my dad kept on the mantel. He's got my sister hoisted up on his shoulders, he's looking out of breath and nervous. He's set the timer on the camera and wasn't sure of the settings. My mother is stood next to him. His arm around her and she's looking up at them and laughing, she looks young, happy, and very pregnant.
When i was about 7 I destroyed it.
He turned the house upside down looking for it. Eventually he thought it got stolen for the silver frame, toured the pawn shops and banned me and my sister from having visitors.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago (edited)
OP stated on Reddit that they never told their father; their father died and never knew it was OP who destroyed the photo. I wish I could give OP a hug - I’m sure they regret destroying the photo now that they’re an adult, but at 7 they didn’t know any better/were not equipped to deal with their emotions.
#32
The last time I shat myself I was 14 and walking home from the bus. I didn't even feel it coming. It was just explosive diarrhea. To make it worse, both my parents got home early and my dad's boss was over for a visit. Nobody outside of the 4 of us knows.
#33
I like the smell of my cats’ breath when they yawn in my face. That dank kibble smell is oddly comforting.
#34
I pretend to be okay when I really have a lot of unimaginable hell in my life going on. In my defence I do it for a chance at quality connections and understanding other people bc if they saw that then they probably wouldn't be themselves or at the very least share their problems or struggles or think I could be comforting in any way to them.
#35
Soon after my ex-wife and I separated, two women very close to her also divorced from their respective husbands. I've hooked up with both, separately. Not that I went after them for revenge against my ex-wife, our separation was very amicable. In both cases it just happened naturally, long time friends going through similar times and finding comfort in each other. But I think it would hurt everyone if it would come to their knowledge.
What do you think ?
Jack Burton 9 months ago
My dad commited suicide on my 14th birthday. I'm 42 and i still cannot give this information to real people, i only told this online and even to therapist it was so painful because i feel ashamed. I know it's stupid it was not my fault but i feel like it's something so bleak, so weird that i can't talk about it.
similarly 9 months ago
I can understand a little bit. When my mum passed away, I didn't tell anyone at first because I just didn't know how, so I kept it to myself. Just know, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Don't be afraid to accept support from other people. It's all okay.
Load More Replies... Ranger Kanootsen 9 months ago (edited)
Every year or so, I disappear from whatever country im in, whatever life I lead, whatever people I am close with in order to start anew with a different home and a different life. I've been doing this for nearly 10 years. As a coping mechanism for what? I'm not sure. But in my many lives, the one I am currently in has lead to this: a man named Damien, who'd follow me around, ask many questions while on my wildlife tours and eventually fall in love with me. I'm... happy. But I'm terrified I'll just up and leave and I don't know why. Why do I want to ruin every good thing I ever get? I love Damien and I don't want to hurt him. So there's my secret.
similarly 9 months ago
Well, I honestly hope it all works out for you. Maybe, if you feel the urge to leave, see if Damien will go with you?
Load More Replies...
Falcon on Dizzy 9 months ago
mine is: the only reason I constantly listen to music is that it's the only way I know of how to drown out my bad thoughts, as nobody will listen when I try to speak my mind
Sky Render 9 months ago
There are times when I feel more alone than anyone could imagine, even when I'm in the same room as my wife. Being intersex, and with a very unique anatomy at that, it's hard to feel like I'm even the same species at times. Thoughts like that rarely last long, at least, my wife is amazing at getting me back into a good place when it happens!
Gordito Sandwich 9 months ago
I would never share my darkest secrets on the internet, even anonymously
Tiny Dancer 9 months ago
So incredibly sad to see so many fellow lonely fellow Pandas out there. Hugs to all of you! I feel it. Lost my guy a year ago, finding it hard to move on, but putting on the brave face for my autistic son. We talk, but he'll never know how absolutely devastated I've been and how hard it is to just survive. Taking care of him is literally keeping me alive right now. Hang in there, kids. Sometimes it's enough to just get through the day.
Jack Burton 9 months ago
My dad commited suicide on my 14th birthday. I'm 42 and i still cannot give this information to real people, i only told this online and even to therapist it was so painful because i feel ashamed. I know it's stupid it was not my fault but i feel like it's something so bleak, so weird that i can't talk about it.
similarly 9 months ago
I can understand a little bit. When my mum passed away, I didn't tell anyone at first because I just didn't know how, so I kept it to myself. Just know, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Don't be afraid to accept support from other people. It's all okay.
Load More Replies... Ranger Kanootsen 9 months ago (edited)
Every year or so, I disappear from whatever country im in, whatever life I lead, whatever people I am close with in order to start anew with a different home and a different life. I've been doing this for nearly 10 years. As a coping mechanism for what? I'm not sure. But in my many lives, the one I am currently in has lead to this: a man named Damien, who'd follow me around, ask many questions while on my wildlife tours and eventually fall in love with me. I'm... happy. But I'm terrified I'll just up and leave and I don't know why. Why do I want to ruin every good thing I ever get? I love Damien and I don't want to hurt him. So there's my secret.
similarly 9 months ago
Well, I honestly hope it all works out for you. Maybe, if you feel the urge to leave, see if Damien will go with you?
Load More Replies... Falcon on Dizzy 9 months ago
mine is: the only reason I constantly listen to music is that it's the only way I know of how to drown out my bad thoughts, as nobody will listen when I try to speak my mind
Sky Render 9 months ago
There are times when I feel more alone than anyone could imagine, even when I'm in the same room as my wife. Being intersex, and with a very unique anatomy at that, it's hard to feel like I'm even the same species at times. Thoughts like that rarely last long, at least, my wife is amazing at getting me back into a good place when it happens!
Gordito Sandwich 9 months ago
I would never share my darkest secrets on the internet, even anonymously
Tiny Dancer 9 months ago
So incredibly sad to see so many fellow lonely fellow Pandas out there. Hugs to all of you! I feel it. Lost my guy a year ago, finding it hard to move on, but putting on the brave face for my autistic son. We talk, but he'll never know how absolutely devastated I've been and how hard it is to just survive. Taking care of him is literally keeping me alive right now. Hang in there, kids. Sometimes it's enough to just get through the day.
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