Agreed! If kids feel the need to distance themselves completely after they grow up, something must have happened in their childhood that messed up their views towards them.

Kids can be a%holes too you know.

My mentally ill younger brother is no longer speaking to our mother because he married an emotionally and financially abusive woman who bankrupted him and forced him to "prove his love" to her by cutting off contact with his entire family, basically anyone who could at any point try to protect him.  She even made him dump his beloved dog (luckily we found out in time and he was rescued). Of course I'm also angry at him--psychologically fragile or not, he is an adult, and it's horrible how easily he was persuaded to throw us all under the bus. But, also, that's how emotional abuse works.   But this situation is not our mother's fault and she is suffering horribly as I and our other brother support her.

I ended my relationship with my dad a few weeks ago because I've had enough of his temper and how he treats everyone around him like they're nothing. One question and a fuse will blow. I've dealt with this for 26 years and it's gotten to the point of me just being done.

If you have a family member who abusive, you have the right to walk away. It doesn't matter if it's a parent, a sibling, an uncle, a child. Just because you share blood is not reason enough to sacrifice yourself so that person can repeatedly destroy your life. It's heartbreaking when it's a child, but it happens. This is one of the reasons why senior abuse is not identified or dealt with. People deny it exists.

While I don't think that it is 'always' it sees to happen very frequently. I only know a few people who don't speak with one of both of their parents. I would be one of them if my mum divorced the abusive jerk that is my father. But it is sad how if you ask around most people really have a bad relation with at least one of them. Specially the father. Maybe it is a coincidence but from my group of friends and partner only one gets along with this father. It turns out that being dominant just for being male, not being involved in your child life, never expressing love or pride or yelling and insulting are not good parenting methods. Who would have imagined.

I think it’s probably true most often but there is nothing in life that is black and white and using always statements just doesn’t work. Some people just grow up to be assholes

It took me until I was in my thirties to get to my breaking point with the constant they hurt me but it is my fault that I was hurt cycle. Cutting off the toxic relationship is one of the best things I did for my mental health.

Uncommon Boston

Uncommon Boston

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

I suffer from PTSD from my mother. I cut off all ties, but still horrible memories come out of nowhere, often undermining anything I want to do. It never stops.

I don't talk to my mother because she is manipulative and self-centered. She looks for any chance to twist words and start fights. I'm done with playing psychological games. I choose to live a life free from my mother's control. No one should feel obligated to allow a parent to emotionally abuse them just because you are related by blood. They had a chance to earn your respect and they blew it. No use crying now.

And f**k all of you parents who turn the back to your kids when they said they're gay or didn't believed when they said a adult touch them inappropriate.

No it's not. They may have a partner who is keeping them away. The child could be unpleasant themselves. There are many good reasons.

While parents’ fault is plausible, of cause there are completely opposite cases. My aunt is a woman whose children trampled over her. She is so afraid to lose them (although they already dont respect her), that she bends over backwards to please them. I know because i see with my eyes how my (adult) cousins treat her. They did so because she is constantly abused by her husband. The children join the husband to bully her. Strangely they fear him as authorative figure but dont avoid him. They blame her for everything. But i dont blame my cousins honestly; they grew up in a broken home. So...i disagree that it must be the parent/s’ fault if adult children avoid them. Both cases can happen. You just dont know til it happens to your family

Not always. I have a sweet daughter. I loved her and took good care of her. I was a very good mom and had a great relationship with her and still do. But she was never a talker and doesn't need to confide in me anymore. She lives with her boyfriend and when I text her she answers and text me back, but not like me and my mom did when I was younger. Some young adults are like that. When she has a problem she will call me, but she is very introverted and I accept her the way she is and loved her, and still love her more than anything in the world.

Thank you ! :)

This! I was 11 when my parents split up & I was used as a p**n to get back at one another, for example if my mum pissed my dad off, he stopped me going for the weekend to stay at my mums which I was excited for. My mum couldn't be more disinterested in me & my dad was overprotective & too strict. I barely have a relationship with my Dad now but I think it survived because he did taken an interest in me. My mum and I don't communicate anymore.

This isn't necessarily true in ALL situations, but it definitely is the case in most. As one of these adult children who doesn't talk to their parents, I really wish people would respect my decision more and stop telling me that having a relationship with them is importantly because they're 'family.' I don't care if I'm biologically related, they are NOT my family.

My son was born a bad seed. Compulsive liar from the time he could talk. Sociopathic inability to care about others. I threw him out after endless thefts made living with him impossible after endless sacrifices were made for him. We don't talk now. You gonna blame me? Eff you.

There is many levels of taking contact to your loved ones. I am an introvert and don't like calling and constant texting even with my parents or siblings. What my husband doesn't understand is that we can still have a good relationship with each other. We call if we have something important to say and meet at family parties and holidays. That is enough for me. That doesn't mean that I hate or despite my parents, siblings and friends.

THANK. YOU. Sick of the guilting from people who had close and supportive relationships with their families - "But it's your FAMILY" - yes... it's my 'family' that reminded me constantly, and literally that I was not wanted and that I shouldn't have been born (psychological and physical reminders) - then expected me to be uber-grateful when they didn't force me to hand over my paycheques while I was working during post-sec... then berate me for not getting something higher paying. The list goes on... and now "You're a bad child - so ungrateful, not talking to us" really.

I agree to a certain extent. However, I have a dear friend who has an adult child who is a drug addict. They don't speak since my friend put him in rehab - several times. Her son has never forgiven her for that. I watched this kid grow up. It was his fault - 100%.

One thing I have noticed with the baby boomer generation is that they will continue to help a family member who has quite literally burdened them over and over and over they always say well so and so is family...just because someone is family does not mean you have to continue to cause stress in your own life or cause stress for your own family at home because that person is family there has to come a point when you have to tell that person I'm sorry you are having issues but unfortunately I cannot continue to help you if you continue to not accept my help...it causes stress on you and the people you go home to and that is simply not worth it.

well, that's true, cannot believe somebody would doubt it

This is one of the stupidest things that I have read, in a long time. Some people are assholes and their parents did a fine job raising them. Sometimes a person is born and is jackass, you cannot blame parents for every f*****g thing that their kids do.

I dont talk to my dad even though he and my mom are still married and i talk to her every day.

It isn’t always a parent’s fault. Plenty of people out in the world who were a nightmare to parent. I have a good friend who’s going through this now and the truth is her daughter is just a twisted, cruel narcissist who is putting her mother in a world of pain.

%100 true.

people, who dont agree here, forget, that childhood can be traumatizing by violence/manipulation/gaslighting etc... caused by parents who repeat their own history and cannot reflect. this history goes back several generations and repeated itself until one generation reflects and treats their own children completely different. i got this experience, and it made me feel so good. to draw a line, and protect yourself, you can cut contact to abusive parents, over time you can also think about forgivness to a certain degree.

I completely agree. My sister makes me feel guilty or like I am an a**hole when I dont contact our mother every once an a while. We live in the same town and she always complains that I come over and see her. Well they know where I live and of she really wanted to she would come over. This was happening years before Covid. I spent years living w/ them and when I finally got away from them it felt great. Which is the big reason I don't talk to them is bc they complain about the same crap and bring me down.

Very true. I don’t talk to my parents bc my dad has an anger issue and my mom is super judgmental and controlling. I only have a relationship with them because they call me I don’t call them.

Not necessarily true, I've seen people grow from decent weans into full blown selfish asshole adults that stopped talking to their parents because they wouldn't give them money. One person in particular refused to talk to the mother that raised him because he chose to waste money on unnecessary things instead of paying his rent and she wouldn't pay it for him, he'd done this a few times and this one time she couldn't pay because her car needed a repair and to him she was the bad guy for choosing to repair the car she needed to get to work over covering his rent.

I don’t agree with this as an absolute, I agree that about 90% of the cases are the parents fault but in my family their are four children that are all in their 30’s now and two of us speak and spends a lot of time with our parents and two that don’t and yet we have all been raised together and the reasons that they don’t speak to each other is because of my siblings, the first child is my sister who was a very selfish person who demanded that my mum leaves my dad or she couldn’t see my sisters children but would never give a reason for why she wanted that in private with just her and mum or with us all their and my older brother got into drugs and petty crimes such as theft of jewellery and other valuables yet my parents tried for years to help him and it would always go back to him cutting contact with us

Omg thank you for posting this!