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We are all products of our environment, and parents are a big part of it. For better or worse.

A few Mondays ago, Redditor u/i_cant_see_my_ears posted a question on the platform, asking other users what things did their moms and dads ingrain in them as problematic but they later realized were actually ridiculous.

From white lies ("Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis") to questionable social conditioning ("Women can't curse"), here are some of the answers that sparked plenty of intense discussions in the comments.

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#1

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread This is so dumb but just happened last week. I got out of the shower & grabbed a towel & started to dry my hair with it while I stood there cold & dripping wet. I had a flashback to when I was like 10 or something & asked my mom if I could use 2 towels, one to dry/wrap around my hair & the other to dry my body - like all the ladies do on TV. She said no, of course because " something something wasting towels because I said so blah blah blah" . I suddenly realized I'm an adult & this is my bathroom & my towels & I make my own rules. So for the 1st time in my 55 year old life I used TWO towels & it was was wonderful!

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MyOpinionHasBeenServed
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought it was weird that I was asked why I need 2 towels when I'm visiting other people. My mom used 2 all the time. Since I shed like crazy, a separate towel is needed otherwise I would get stray hairs all over me.

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#2

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Girls take care of babies and kids. Men don’t.

Sometimes I still fall into the trap it’s so ingrained in my brain. I saw a Dad at a party taking his kid to the bathroom for a diaper change and my mind went “he shouldn’t be doing that. Where’s his wife?”. I quickly realized how dumb that was. But it’s so drilled into my head.

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IlovemydogShilo
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's obviously a problem in most of society as you hardly see baby changing rooms in mens public toilets but they have been and always are in ladies rest rooms.

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We got in touch with u/i_cant_see_my_ears and they were kind enough to have a little chat about the inspiration behind their now-viral post. "I was on lunch break at work and sitting in my truck. I had the interior lights on and randomly thought of when I was younger [and] my dad would freak out if someone turned a light on in the car while driving at night. Thought it was ridiculous and wondered what other things parents teach or do that stick with their kids," u/i_cant_see_my_ears told Bored Panda.

After going through the comments, they think "the biggest thing I learned is that many people have the same or very similar experiences and might not realize it; I read many similar answers.
#3

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That I have to finish all my food which is on the plate. Whenever we would eat, at home or in the restaurant my mum would forced us to eat everything on the plate.

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That can cause issues around food like eating disorders/habits.

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#4

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread If you hate your job you just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don't complain because you'll be pegged as a troublemaker, and if you quit you'll be seen as flaky and nobody else will hire you.

This nugget has caused more damage to my physical and emotional well being than anything else. You really don't want to hear their views on staying in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage (they're similar).

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Nobody else will hire you" is so effing wrong and another attempt to shut employees up and keep them hostage in their sh!t job. I've been told so many times that I would never get a job again if I walked out of this job. I still walked out and always got a new job within one week.

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#5

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Going to church every Sunday or high holiday makes you a good person. It does not.

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Susan Green
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No it doesn’t. I’ve known people who would go to church every Sunday, then think it was okay to do whatever they wanted the rest of the week, even if it was wrong.

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The number of things each of us has to "unlearn" can vary. But if you had a tough childhood, know that you’re not alone. Turns out, a not-so-ideal upbringing is extremely common.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 61% of adults report having at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), with women and People of Color at a higher risk of experiencing more than four ACEs.

"I don't think it's possible to grow up without parents ingraining something nonsensical into their children because there will always be something kids disagree with their parents on at some point," u/i_cant_see_my_ears added. "Parents might think they are teaching their kids something very important but the kids [might not see it that way]. I don't think (good) parents try to teach their kids anything that's not important, just that everyone has different opinions."

The good thing is that we continue to grow and heal throughout our lives, and figure out healthier ways to navigate life as an adult.

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#6

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Indian food is disgusting. Just had it yesterday for the first time at the age of 27. Maybe the best meal I have ever had.

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#7

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That I had to take care of everyone else and make sure they were happy before I could be happy.

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Juririn
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, my, I realized I am not responsible for my mother's happiness two years ago, in therapy, at 48. The lifelong battle with depression of daughters of narcissistic mothers is something that began to be talked about only in the past few years.

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#8

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That women can’t curse or be impolite in the very slightest.

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#9

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread A man is never going to like me if I have a PHD. Men don’t like women who are smarter than them.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife is a teacher for French, Latin and ancient Greek, so I guess she is smarter than me. Married for 25 years :-)

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#10

Obedience. My dad tried to ingrain in us that the most important thing was being obedient.

Like... no. This taught me to blindly do whatever an authority figure told me to. Luckily I wasn't put into these situations, but this put me at a huge risk for sexual abuse. If an authority figure had told me to do something terrible to be doing with a child, I probably would have done it because that's what I was conditioned to do.

It actually almost happened in high school, and I had no idea what to do because it was a teacher and I thought I had to respect and obey them. So I just avoided the person, but I was so lucky I was able to avoid them and didn't have something worse happen.

I've grown out of it now of course, but teaching kids to blindly accept your authority translates to them thinking that's what they need to do for everyone. And it could be so damaging.

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#11

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread You are supposed to accept abuse from anyone in a superior position to yours : parent, manager … If you don’t then you are a troublemaker and a shame to the family because you rebel. You will never get anywhere in life and end up alone. Be submissive. You are a woman, that’s enough of a sin already.

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#12

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That long hair and tattoos means you're a problem to society.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a teen in the 70s and I will always like long hair on men.

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#13

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That children aren't allowed to show emotions when they're upset at their parents. Doubly so when they're getting chewed out.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is the sign of a massively dysfunctional family, that only one person in the house is allowed to freely display their feelings. You can always tell who the domestic tyrant is, if you pay attention to this rule.

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#14

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Catholic guilt. The world's problems are not my fault.

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#15

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread My father used to make me wash my hands after greeting/handshaking with my uncle (who is homossexual), like you could "acquire gay through touching". My uncle is a respected surgeon dentist.

I know I was just a child following what my parent was asking me to do, but I still feel a deep remorse to this day for doing something so homophobic and pointless.

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Caro Caro
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not your fault, it's your father's (shame on him). You know this, you feel remorse so you are OK.

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#16

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread If you work hard and go to college you'll get a great job.

What a load of utter nonsense. The first job I had in my industry stressed me out so bad I left entirely.

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#17

Putting up with people and going to events because “family.” Yea, I want to keep my sanity, thank you.

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Hannah Edwards
Hannah Edwards
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don’t get to choose your family and they can be as toxic as anyone else.

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#18

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread A whole bunch of misogyny from both parents, but mostly from mum. The highlights include being told not to play certain musical instruments, not to go into certain professions (only boys can be doctors. You can be a nurse instead), not to whistle as my future husband wouldn’t like it (I was five), not to say ‘I love you’ to other girls (again, five) and the good old lock/key analogy when I was old enough to question why only girls were sl*ts and not boys.

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Caro Caro
Caro Caro
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish those types of women would stop being such shits. As if this makes them good (religion) women. You can be whatever you want, you can say fu*k and "I love you" to anyone you want and that lock/key should be at the bottem of the lake. Boys can be sluts and cheap too.

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#19

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread ‘Be a man’ ‘boys don’t cry’ ‘men don’t b*tch’

It doesn’t make anyone manlier, it just makes someone repress their feelings and become emotionally incompetent.

Teach kids honesty, and encourage them to say what they think. Also lowers the chances they’ll take their repression out on people, or start punching walls instead of verbalising their needs

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Caro Caro
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men need to vent their feelings and cry if they want to without receiving bs from others.

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#20

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That vaccines are bad.

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#21

My parents always told me that because Canada's social security system is so good that homeless people are only homeless because they are drug addicts or schizophrenic, so you shouldn't give them money.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I learn a) how bad the social security system actually is, b) how hard it is to survive even if you are on government assistance and c) that having an addiction or mental health issue is not a reason why someone should be treated as less than human.

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#22

“How can you be both depressed and anxious?!? By their very definition they would cancel each other out anyway.”

Those words are burned into my memory. This was my parents’ response to my therapist’s findings when I had just started middle school and was struggling.

I never saw that wonderful therapist again. They managed to find one that they could agree with, that I should just get over myself and stop being such a child…which I was.

It took me far too long to seek help again.

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#23

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Not true at all.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sound is nitrogen bubbles popping in the synovial fluid of the joints. No damage occurring.

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#24

That I had to fight back my bullies with wit and outsmart them. Yeah no, I had to kick their asses.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Ignore them and they'll stop" - this never works. It's a blatant lie.

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#25

That if I share a bed with a man he has full rights to do whatever he wants to me/my body.

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#26

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That as a girl, I should never be the one to reach out to the guy first, he must be the one to make the effort first. (Ex: if I want to hangout with a boy I like or even simply text him, I need to wait for him to text me or reach out to me first) it really messed up how I talk to guys I’m attracted too, because I’m 23 years old so I can do what I want when it comes to guys but I sometimes still have this mindset.

The crazy thing is now my parents wonder why we don’t even reach out to any guys we are interested in lol

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Caro Caro
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a girl you can reach out first. If he's kind and fun and you're attracted to him go for it.

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#27

That being gay is a sin. Furthermore, the saying “love the person but hate the sin” when applied to our gay neighbors. I loved them but wasn’t allowed to walk their dog anymore once my parents found out they were gay. This is among many other ridiculous beliefs that came along with their extremist religion.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes. Your parents don't want you to catch "gay" from their dog. *eyeroll*

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#28

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread You catch colds simply by being exposed to cold. For some reason I just never questioned the idea that temperature itself caused viruses, but it's such a ridiculous notion once you think about it

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Cecily Holland
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well cold can lower your immune system making you more vulnerable so there is a little truth to that one

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#29

The good ol' "You gotta learn to cook, clean, etc. because one day you'll have to do it for your husband. Do insert random hobby now because your husband won't tolerate it one day. The wife always needs to be less educated than the husband. Etc." They made a relationship with a man sound like servitude where my life is immediately over and after a liferime of telling me that they wonder why I don't want to get married yet

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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I first started uni, my grandmother told me not to do too many courses and extra curricular activities, because: “You now have a household to look after.” Still makes me so angry that she valued that more than education.

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#30

"Money doesn't buy happiness"

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mostly said by people who don't have money problems.

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#31

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That I need to maintain a positive relationship with people who don't like me.

My parents taught me to be on everyone's good side no matter the cost. In college, we had a serious rift in the friend group. They said that they had hated me all along and only hung out because I'd buy them things. Using my parents advice, I put too much energy into trying to "fix" those who I thought would change their hearts. Now that I'm older, I've realized that trying to fix people who don't care for you is manipulation and it's healthy to be selective about who you associate with.

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Caro Caro
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being like that is a breeding ground for many toxic relationships.

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#32

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Putting your hair in a ponytail is lazy. Absurd!

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#33

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Hair grows back faster/thicker after you shave it for the first time.

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Little Wolf
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

while this is not true, it looks thicker bc the hairs have been cut off at the root, where it is thicker and then that is the thickness of the hair the whole length through!

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#34

Turning on the interior light in the back seat will cause us to immediately crash and die or go straight to prison.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it reflects off the front windshield and makes it hard to see through.

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#35

They used to basically tell me that driving on the highway was extremely dangerous and that I should stick to backroads. Turns out they were just projecting their own fears of cars moving really fast onto me.

For the first couple years of driving / my career I would go only backroads. One summer I got sick of having to drive for over an hour to get to work, and I figured it would be lower traffic then so I gave it a try, it was way easier than taking backroads, and the highways were better maintained than the roads I was used to taking, with far less turns, blind spots, etc. it was way safer and quicker.

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Otter
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I live in an area prone to dangerously thick fogs, and the freeways are one of the safer places to be when the fog closes in. The warmth of the asphalt helps to lift it a little and the speed of the moving cars creates enough wind to clear more, and the headlights and the taillights are sometimes the only things you can see. On the back roads the fog closes in and you can see absolutely nothing, stay on the freeways if you can!

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#36

That spanking your children is acceptable, and that they were right no matter what. Discussion? What's that?

Now, I never agreed with them, and I frequently didn't know what I did wrong, but I just accepted it as something all parents do. Now, as an adult, I will say with 100% confidence that spanking is always wrong. Got studies to back me up, y'all!

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IlovemydogShilo
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad used to back hand me across the face and my mother used to force me to take my clothes off and she'd whip me with the dog's lead or hit me with the wooden spoon. ALL physical discipline is wrong.

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#37

That if you don't like something, just keep your head down and push through.

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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes, it's beneficial to keep your head down and push through problems. And sometimes not. Wisdom is knowing when to persist, and when to say "Screw it", and self-discipline is learning how to just keep pushing when you have to, even if you don't feel like it.

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#38

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you go back in the pool, otherwise you'll get cramps and drown.

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YoyoSthlm
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just so the parents can relax for 30 minutes and don't have to keep watch over the kids in the pool!

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#39

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That growing facial hairs make you a thief, drug addicted and a failure to society. Still wonder how does that even make sense to this day.

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should tell my hubby this, he's currently been working 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week. Geez, can't believe I married such a failure.

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#40

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That you are lazy if you watch TV during the day

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Caro Caro
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother was told "you are lazy if you read during the day". It took me years and years of telling mum: READ what and whenever you want.

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#41

Less of a direct rule, but as a kid I wasn't allowed to watch or read Harry Potter because she thought stuff like that was bad... and then when I was 18 I saw her and my nephews watching Harry Potter in her house. She actually apologized to me for not letting me watch it as a kid because she thought it was a lot worse than it was.

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Teodor Negru
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same with me. I only got to read HP as an adult, to make sure it was ok for my children to read (the oldest son wanted it badly since all his friends were reading it, but both me and the wife said no... Well, because we were told no. So I read it and found it's a bit grim especially in the final books, but totally worth it). Now, whenever I get a book i haven't previously read for my children, i read it first. I did find a totally idiotic one this way, that I would only give someone to read as a harsh punishment, and one that definitely wasn't age appropriate for a 10 year old despite being marketed as for children, but all the others I tried were ok, and some of them really cool (even if some are not to my taste, but that's a different problem)

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#42

That liking clothes and makeup is vain and embarrassing, but also that I should “be more lady-like,” sit properly, and be in the kitchen.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course the same people who tell girls like you that liking clothes and makeup is vain and embarrassing, are also telling the girls who don't like clothes and makeup that they're lazy slobs and will never get a husband. There is literally no pleasing some people.

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#43

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread That women hate sex.

It's at the core of my beliefs and I have to keep this false thought in check constantly.

It is funny and annoying since observable reality, including personal experience and an Earth with ~8 billion people, conclusively shows the opposite.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any man who tells you that all women hate sex is a lousy lay.

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#44

"Sex" was a taboo word in our parents' house.

We could not ask questions or comment on sex in any way or at any time, no matter what. It was as if sex didn't exist - a subject alien to daily living.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents were just too unsure of where to begin with our sex ed (homeschooled). They're writing their own curriculum now. I think it's going well. I, who have had access to the internet, knew by 14 what sex was and how it worked. And I admit that my "sex ed" was, in the beginning, reading 50 Shades of Gray because I found it on the bookshelf in my grandparents' house. (I later did actual research. 50 Shades sucked.)

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#45

40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread Alcohol is fine but I should NEVER smoke marijuana.

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one I find so stupid. The amount of deaths and injuries caused by alcohol is FAAAAAAR greater than marijuana use. Also marijuana use mainly affects the individual whereas alcohol affects a wide range of people. It's easier for the government to regulate alcohol because it's a made substance, whilst marijuana can be grown by anyone which makes it harder to regulate.

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#46

That old people had seen things and are wise.

Oh and pursuing computer programming is a waste of time as a career.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many old people have experienced a lot and may well be wise. Don't write people off just because they are elderly.

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#47

That all meat must be cooked well done

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And veggies overcooked. I thought food had to taste somewhat yucky, half my life. But after fighting parentification, I fight for my own life, and cook for my wife and I. And we learned and experienced so much mighty delicious food together. Worlds apart. There was food I would throw up just from the smell, and now I really like it, when it’s properly prepared!

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#48

Mom always said "your face will stick like that," if we were making goofy faces.

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#49

My mom was fully convinced that if I ever shaved my head as a woman all of my hair would never ever grow back out again and I’d spend the entire rest of my life as bald as a queue ball. Shaved my head for a year, hair grew back just fine after

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you! I shaved my head for a charity event one year. The regrowing was at times cringeworthy, but it was in a good cause.

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#50

Every adult did the whole "social media is dangerous" thing, and I literally had no socials until I was about 15 - 16, and only Reddit until nearly 18. Recently they said "You know, nobody actually thought you'd stay off completely, we'd really recommend getting some".

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still have almost none. Like bored panda and another news website, some discord channels. That’s it. But seeing stuff and what it does to some people, I don’t mind really. To each it’s own.

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#51

My mom was always super strict about what me and my siblings watched or what music we listened to. She didn't want me watching Teletoon when I was 12 cause it was "inappropriate" (I did anyways). Or if the music was even a little bit suggestive in an adult way (ex. Ticks by Brad Paisley) she said we couldn't listen to it cause it was "inappropriate". She would raise a fit when my dad and I would have a movie night cause he would watch ones with me that she didn't think I was old enough to watch. She slowly loosened up a bit but it wasn't until I was 19 and living with a friend that I realised "Hey, I can watch Family Guy/American Dad". To this day, she still says "That's a bad song" if I listen to certain music (Wheeler Walker Jr. was the most recent artist), and I'm 24.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My best friend in school dated black guys. Her parents took every CD of rap music she had and destroyed it, like somehow there's a direct link between the two. Like it matters who you date. They were awful and still are

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#52

White people are oppressed. Imagine how hard that was to grow out of.

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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my parents STILL won't let go of that one... it's walking on eggshells talking to them because every conversation eventually makes it's way around to "i'm discriminated against because i'm a white, rich, straight person who just wants to practice my rights". no samantha, you're getting kicked out of walmart because you're an antimasker.

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