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Someone Asks “What’s A Dark Secret You Want To Get Off Of Your Chest?” And 40 People Deliver
Interview
Secrets are part of what makes us human. Everyone has them, and it’s up to every person to decide if they want to let them go or to carry them within forever.
On the other hand, it’s well documented that living with secrets, especially the ones that are important to you, can drain your mental energy. The time and effort you put into thinking of them or making sure they remain well hidden can lead to depression and anxiety.
So no wonder so many people, when given a chance, would take an opportunity to share their secrets, big or small, anonymously. This is what happened in this Ask Reddit thread that served as a safe place for spilled secrets people got tired of carrying on their shoulders.
Bored Panda also reached out to Laura Wasser, a family law expert and chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com who shared some insight into keeping secrets and how they can affect our mental health and relationships, as well as when it’s best to lift up the burden and reveal your secret.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I'm in a bad place right now. My partner is sick, brain damage after a sudden illness.
Most days he is his old self but some days he is a stranger to me. He's angry, and confused, he doesn't know me, gets into a rage and I have to calm him. I have to remind him of the 13yrs we've shared together. I've to break his heart and remind him that his dad is dead.
It's worse because to people on the outside, he seems totally fine, just a bit quieter than usual. They don't see him when he's confused or wondering who I am.
It's hard, and I'm burning out, between work, study, caring for him, volunteer work and now we have to f*****g move house and as he has mobility issues, most of it will be left to me. He'll be upset and confused at the change.
I will not leave him, I adore him. But it's made me realise that the life we had planned is not going to happen.
We were planning a baby. And we still want one but I've had to accept that it likely won't happen as he has mobility and memory issues. He cannot work, so how can I go to work and leave him with a baby, a toddler, when I come home and the oven is smoking because he forgot he turned it on?
He is so excited talking about this baby we are meant to have in a few years time. We had names picked. And I cannot bring myself to tell him that I don't think it'll happen.
I desperately want his baby. But I've had to cut myself off from excitement about it because how can I tell him that his illness is the reason why we shouldn't have one?
It's so hard because we both talk about it, we get excited, he says beautiful things about us having a baby together and then it hits me again that it'll probably never happen.
I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. I'm sad. We're not bad people. We try and help when we can, we keep to ourselves, we don't cause trouble, and we've had such a s****y run of luck lately. This is the nail in the coffin for me, and I CANNOT take much more of this s**t.
I've never felt such hatred for a god, deity, whatever cosmic force there may be, but I wake up from what little sleep I get, every day, begging whatever the f**k is out there, to leave us alone.
I want my old life back. I want my old partner back. I want our future back. And I'm so f*****g angry because people keep telling me to be grateful he isn't worse. And I AM grateful, my god, I was told if he lived, he'd be in a wheelchair and he defied the odds. But just because he's doing ok doesn't mean I'm not allowed to FEEL!
I'm f*****g ANGRY! And I'm sick of people dismissing my feelings about what happened because they say it didn't happen to me. It happened to US. He doesn't remember a damn thing about that night. I remember EVERYTHING!
I remember him seizing in bed, I remember calling 112, I remember him seizing again and again, I remember doing compressions on him, I remember him terrified, saying my name before he seized again, into unconsciousness for 26 hours.
He doesn't have epilepsy. He's never had any health issues bar a broken foot. It was so random and so out of the blue.
I'm sick of whatever is throwing all of this at us, and I know how horrible I sound because there ARE people in worse situations but I'm just f*****g done.
Whatever is out there, whatever I've done to have this fall back on us, just leave him alone. He's a good, kind, sweet man, he doesn't deserve any of this.
Just please stop because I actually can't take any more.
Eastendbird 1 year ago
I don't know what to say to this. My heart breaks for you. I wish there was a way you could give someone a huge hug over the Internet.
#2
Some days I want to build a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and just vanish.
Nobody ragging on me for my looks, nobody complaining that the job they're underpaying me for isn't done as fast as they want.
No more torturing myself with impossible dreams of a better life, with a wife and kids, and a dog and 2 cars in the garage.
Just me, in the damned woods, alone. No more scumbags saying "it's God's will" whenever something bad happens. It's all so exhausting.
#3
Someone attacked me in a park late at night and I found a drug needle somebody left behind and I stabbed him in the eye and ran, I have never seen him since then and I pray I never do.
Leoninus Fate 1 year ago
never feel guilty for surviving, The other person made their choice before you did
“Deciding whether to disclose a secret or keep it to oneself can be quite a dilemma,” Laura said. According to her, “a helpful approach is to evaluate the possible outcomes of revealing the secret compared to the emotional strain of holding onto it,” Laura told us.
Laura argues that if holding the secret is causing considerable distress, anxiety, or remorse, it might be helpful to share it with a reliable person. “However, if disclosing the secret might result in severe consequences for you or others involved, keeping it might be the better option,” she added.
Moreover, your choice whether to reveal your secret should depend on a thorough evaluation of potential consequences and your emotional well-being.
#4
A few people are aware that someone I was very close to commited suicide in 2014. He was the kindest man, and always asked about me and he'd travel two hours by train just to meet me for a cup of tea and a slice of cake. He was someone so consistently there for me, I never considered the possibility of him one day not being there, and he seemed really happy; everything was "the best", every joke was the funniest he'd ever heard and every brownie was the gooiest.
What I don't tell anyone is that the few days leading up to his departure, I had several missed calls from him, watched one of the calls ring without answering, and recieved a message from him, pleading that I call him when I had the chance. I had many chances, but I didn't call him.
I woke up later that week to a message that, once pasted onto a Word document, took me two days to read. He wrote to me about his life, how insignificant he felt, how wonderful I am and then ended it with an apology. I then recieved an email from his mother, informing me he had jumped in front of a moving train.
I've never been a very sociable person. I've always been caring and I try to do the right thing, but for the last eight years I've stopped keeping kind thoughts to myself. The reason I check in on everyone, bake cakes and answer my phone is all my way of keeping a piece of him alive.
Sometimes the absence of kindness can be as damaging as malice - I understand that now, and I'm so deeply sorry I didn't realise it sooner. If you meet people in life who are enthusiastic, and living every day like it's their last, it might be, so I promise to always pick up. I know it's too late now, and I will live with the guilt for the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that if it means he's not forgotten about.
My dad told me that in the afterlife, everyone will be resurrected perfect. So, it's comforting to know I'll recognise him, because he was a great friend, and perfect in every way. I hope I get to ask him for forgiveness.
KittyGotClaws 1 year ago
Your story moved me very much. You didn't say why you never answered his calls, other than you've never been a sociable person; it sounds like the tragedy your friend went through motivated you into being a better pension.
#5
I got revenge on an old high school bully on the last day of school by slashing all 4 of his car tires. I even saw him expressing rage on wtf happened to his car as I left, smiling to myself and thinking "Justice is served". And another bully by stuffing her backpack full of live roaches. Nope, still don't regret it. They hurt me, so I attacked back. Tug on the tail of a shark, you get bit.
#6
I accidentality killed a person while protecting myself. It haunts me to this day. I am not guilty of anything.
Miz Chelle 1 year ago
Human survival instincts cannot be separated from any other survival instincts in the wild. You are always the most important animal out there. Protection of life is precious in all forms. ❤️
We also wondered if it is wise to keep secrets from your partner. The family law expert told us that it’s crucial to understand the difference between privacy and secrecy in a relationship. “Privacy involves maintaining personal boundaries and a sense of individuality, while secrecy can potentially harm the relationship.”
#7
Not so dark, but I hope my step dad breaks it off with my mom. She is physically and emotionally abusive to him but they act like it’s a normal thing couples do. It would be awful because I like him, but I want him to be happy.
#8
I don't go to the doctor about pains and hurts because I secretly hope they will eventually kill me. I know it's selfish.
#9
I gave my baby nephew a noisy toy because I was having a petty fight with my sister.
vogonpoet 1 year ago
My sister bought me noisy toys for my kids. Took my revenge and bought a fart gun that was loud and needed no batteries. It was a winner with my nephew and my BIL. I kind of wish I'd bought two, because it not only backfired, but was an awesome toy. I would use it daily to annoy my teens.
“When deciding whether to keep a secret from your partner, evaluate the secret's nature and potential consequences for your relationship. Some secrets can be harmful, especially if they involve deception, betrayal, or a breach of trust. Hiding these types of secrets from your partner is never a good idea in these circumstances,” Laura explained.
However, she added, not all secrets directly affect your partner or the relationship. “In cases where the information pertains to personal privacy, it may be acceptable to keep the secret without causing harm to your relationship.”
#10
I’ve smoked for almost 40 years. I’m a secret smoker - I rarely smoke in public and never at work so only my husband knows I smoke a pack a day and have almost my entire life. I just quit 15 days ago! The craving are killing me at times but I feel so much better. Smoking was so embarrassing to me - it’s just so stupid and unnecessary yet I kept telling on doing it for way to many years. Here’s to my new smoke-free life!
Midnightoil 1 year ago
Those people at work know you smoke. Anyone who smokes, even outside with a coat type cover/barrier still smells like cigarette smoke. I never smoked and had coworkers insist because they smoked outside there was no residual smell. There is. Great you stopped smoking for your health. It is expensive. Hang in there!
#11
I want my brother and his fiance to lose everything they have, including custody and right to see, their kids. They are awful, extremely manipulative people who took full advantage (financially, mentally, emotionally) of my elderly parents.
I hate them with every fiber of my being.
Rivers of Belief 1 year ago
Painful and difficult for sure. Not sure how people can sleep at night knowing what they have done.
#12
Not really "dark" but just... heartbreaking.
I grew up in a charismatic evangelical cult. I was physically (not sexually) assaulted by the pastor and several church-goers in an "exorcism" to cure my depression and suicidal thoughts. It didn't work obviously. I was 16 or 17 and tried to kms pretty soon after (but failed obviously otherwise this comment wouldn't exist). After my failed attempt, I spent weeks and weeks crying on the phone to suicide helpline and trans helpline at night. I often begged for them to just let me cry to them and vent, not to call authorities as it would just make things worse for me instead of better.
My sister actually found me one night because I cried so hard that I puked (I was in the bathroom because it was the safest and quietest place for me to call that late). She was between 14-15 at the time. I just remember she was asking if I was okay, and it was very obvious that i wasn't. She actually comforted me a lot. I can't remember what she said, all I remember is her kindness and her concern knowing how badly I wanted to kill myself and how much I hated myself. She has always been my biggest support.
6 years later, we both escaped our parents (they're horrible horrible people who believe the cult did nothing wrong and still attend the church I was assaulted at). I've been nearly a year no-contact with them, meanwhile she still talks to them from time to time but she maintains firm boundaries and im so beyond proud of her for that.
I'm 22 now and had my first birthday without them recently- my sister made me a cake and got me a present and we had a get together. I didn't tell her then but I was pretty sad the whole day. not a single happy birthday from any of my family, and while I wanted it that way and there's really no way for any of them to get in touch with me... I still miss my parents.
I'm still just a scared kid who wants his mommy and daddy. I want my dad to tell me he's proud of me instead of what a fuckup I am and (pardon my language) how "r-t-rded" I am and how I'll never hold a job down. I want my mom to tell me I'm perfect the way I am and she will love me no matter what.
I dealt with heavy drug use too as a result of trauma and fear of going to therapy (yes I had and still kind of have that fear). I've been clean and sober for five months but some days... I just remember everything and I start craving again. I'm just thankful I don't know other dealers because I'd have OD'd for the umpteenth time by now.
but I got myself where i am today... all without my parents. all without my family. I did that.
I guess thats my dark secret.
Leoninus Fate 1 year ago
I want you to know Someone is proud of you, It might not mean much to anyone or you, but YOU MAKE ME PROUD, I hope it offers you a tiny bit of comfort that to this man, this father, that even tho you are not my own, or adopted child, I AM PROUD OF YOU
It’s also important to note that keeping a secret for one's entire life can present a significant burden, “depending on the secret's nature and its emotional repercussions.” Laura explained that for some individuals, the pressure of holding a secret can result in ongoing stress, anxiety, and mental health problems.
#13
I isolate myself from people and then get mad about it later on.
#14
Everyone is fighting silent battles, I hope everyone receives the love and care that we all deserves as HUMAN BEINGS!❤️ I hope everyone finds the peace that we all search for.
#15
I suffered from HORRIFIC intrusive thoughts due to OCD and for 28yrs I thought something was wrong with me. That I may end up being a predator/murderer/psycho (even though all of the thoughts made me physically sick). I was genuinely scared to babysit my 2yo nephew alone because what if I accidentally threw him down the stairs? I finally opened up to my therapist and she helped me work through it all and I'm not triggered anymore and I can finally live peacefully
Leoninus Fate 1 year ago
This has happened to me, Talking and letting someone know was the best thing to do
“In such instances, confiding in a trusted friend or a mental health expert can offer valuable relief and support. Conversely, if the secret isn't causing substantial emotional turmoil, it might be feasible to hold onto it for the rest of your life,” Laura concluded.
#16
I have a really difficult time connecting to and understanding other people. I’m never cruel about it. I just don’t feel connected to anyone. It hurts me. I don’t let it hurt anyone else.
#17
i have terrible memory issues, and no matter what i do to keep things on track (meds, planners, reminders, alarms, etc) things still slip through the cracks. it makes me feel terrible bc i hate the disappointed or even frustrated look i get when i ask a question and should cLEARLY know the answer. it’s especially difficult when people end up thinking i don’t care, bc “if you cared then you’d remember”
i care so much, i never want to ask what we planned for tomorrow (again) and when your birthday is (again, despite attending the party last year). it just gets really hard to juggle everything all the time
Edit: thank you for all the comments!! ive since been diagnosed with adhd and am on medication LMAO but it makes me feel better that i wasn’t alone in this :) and i’ll be taking into account the other medical advice some mentioned. thanks and love u all!
KittyGotClaws 1 year ago
Glad you found the solution to your health issue. People, if you're suffering, go see a doctor! Don't suffer in silence and frustration.
#18
When I was seven I was home alone. I called 911 due to a house fire that consumed half the house and they found me outside. My mother (who was at work, I was a latchkey kid) was told by the fire department that it was an electrical fire.
In truth, I had a lighter and was fascinated by fire. I was burning the little tassles at the end of the blanket on my bed, putting them out before it caught the whole blanket on fire... Until I wasn't able to and the whole bed caught fire. An electrical outlet shorted out from the heat, which caused the firemen to think that was the cause.
I'm 40 now. My mother still doesn't know the truth and I still remember it all vividly, complete with the heat on my face as I tried in vain to put out the bed.
#19
Being alive is EXHAUSTING. I have chronic pain issues and a delightful combo of anxiety and depression, and having to hold down a job, care for myself, and keep my home not-gross takes up all my energy.
My dog keeps me hanging on. As soon as I get over my fear of death, I'm out of here.
#20
I'm happy my moms ex died.
Dude was a f*****g menace. Frequently had outbursts where he would destroy our apartment or threaten my siblings or my mom. His family and friends all thought he was harmless, but didn't want to deal with him. One day he was having another meltdown, my mom and siblings were hiding in my room and I was holding the door shut while he was trying to get in so I called the police. Dude blamed me for years after that and targeted me a lot.
One day some neighbor boys tried to assault me and when I mentioned it he convinced himself that I must've lead those boys on and kept inviting them over. I also had to take care of him when he shattered the bones in his arm and hand and traveling nurses refused to come to our house to flush his IV. I Imagine he was terrible to them too.
I have so many stories about this guy. I was around 22 when he died and I was genuinely happy that he died.
I thought I was kinda over it but once I had kids I've started to become angry with every adult involved. I couldn't imagine putting my own kids in those situations.
#21
I worked on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Yellow Avenger, and know for a fact that the game cannot be 100% completed on the DS version (99% max). Not my fault but I hate that it shipped like that and feel sorry for anyone who's seriously tried.
KittyGotClaws 1 year ago
Knowing that your conscious bothers you about this makes you a decent person in my eyes. Tome to let it go, tho.
#22
I don't feel the want to do anything. I feel no excitement for future dates or events, I'm not excited or looking forward to anything except greedy s**t like getting money or objects. I'm not even materialistic, it's just like my brain is looking for shortcuts to make me feel some sort of excitement and so it looks for objects that I want. This makes me feel f*****g horrible.
My girlfriend asks me to play video games or hang out with her and I always do but I never look forward to it until we actually do something. I always enjoy my time with her but I can't get hyped up to do anything.
I've heard of this with older people but I'm only 18 and I'm horrified, I need this motivation.
#23
During a manic episode I was filled with so much rage and sorrow that I let a homeless man take me into a ditch behind a church in hopes that he would kill me. He didn't. He just did some drugs, showed me pictures of his girlfriends, and made pleasant conversation. I guess he was just lonely.
Edit, since many people seemed to only take 1 thing from this story: I didn't know he was homeless til my mom found us and offered him a ride to his place, which then we discovered he didn't have one. I didn't expect him to kill me, I was just hoping he would, as an obviously drugged-up man walking across the street to approach a 19-year old girl who is alone and offering her into a ditch where bodies are often found was a decent enough red flag 🙄 And let's not forget that I was in a state of psychosis
#24
That I didn’t spend near enough time with my Nan in the months before her death.
For context she was 101- hilarious, kind and had all her faculties. She was the best support, and everything you would want in a Nan.
With her age, I knew time was short but didn’t prioritize her as much as I should have. I saw her the night before she died, and I said I’m sorry and she accepted it and forgave me but you could tell she was sad. Next time I saw her she was gone.
I regret it every day of my life.
XenoMurph 1 year ago
In all honesty, we rarely spend enough time with the ones we love. But we do also have to live our own lives, it's the whole point of being a parent, raising your child to go out into the world, which is the one thing you don't want. You want them to stay close and spend time with you. But if they are successful in life, they will have a job and friends and a hobby and travel and activities. They'll try to spend time with you, but hopefully they'll spend less than they want, because their life is just too awesome. Same is true for grandmas. Don't be hard on yourself, keep the connections, see as much of them as you can, but live your life.
#25
I spend most time in my bed on my phone. I hate it and I don’t think anyone knows
Shark Lady 1 year ago
Ditto. I can't work anymore and staying in bed cuts down the heating bills. I know when it gets too cold because the cats go under my duvet.
#26
I was assaulted at age of 5…
They told me it was all just a game, but my brother and three of his friends made me touch them when I was just a little girl. I kept it off my mind for many years. But something happened recently that made me had those flashbacks, maybe becoming a mom or idk.
It just saddens my heart thinking about the scenario and I just can’t get it off my head. I’ve never told anyone.
#27
I genuinly fear that I’m only nice and considerate due to habit and training
Edit: I got a lot of supportive and sympathising responses and I’m very, very, thankful for them.
Rivers of Belief 1 year ago
I understand you 100% and remember you keep nice and considerate...thats a choice you make!!!
#28
When I was 8 years (m) old I was at a friends sleepover. He was also the same age and there was also an older boy there. He asked me to get naked and lay on my friend, after saying no multiple times i got persuaded to do it. He said they do it a lot as guys his age. I dont know much more of that night, I guess my brain said: Lets forget that. I still know how the room looked, what games we played before and how the bed and the carpet looked. Im 20 now and I think because of that I had a lot of trouble accepting physical touch and intimacy. Its one of the most detailed memories of my childhood till one point...
Joshua David 1 year ago
Kevin Smith just released a 30 minute video about his own sexual abuse and how that trauma affected him. That was abuse no matter how people look at it and want to minimize it. That brought you trauma. Also don't let anyone minimize your trauma because some people love playing Trauma Olympics "that's bad?? I had THIS...." that's Trauma Olympics because our brains do the same exact things no matter what degree of trauma you suffered. Please watch that video. It just came out this week through People Magazine. It's for you a little I think.
#29
I am super selfish. I just want to be alone. but this society gave me unnecessary duties and attachments. it sucks
#30
i have gotten more people than i can count fired from their media jobs in Canada due to their extensive previously buried abuse histories
pretty proud of it, but cannot even be too vocal about it, bc i dont want to be sued, even though every single one of them is a giant abuser, and in some cases, some are con artists
#32
There’s a two year old jug Tropicana orange juice in my fridge rn and I’m too afraid to pour it out
#33
I wish I'm not a person who always push people away when I'm in my lowest. I wish I actually accept other people's help offers and not refusing them. I wish my mind will stop echoing "you're a burden" everytime I try to reach for help. Why I always managed to help other people but I can't do it although I already have some ears to lend at, shoulders to cry on? Was it because what my dad mocked me for having 'too much feelings', 'crybaby', and my mom said "don't be a burden to us" when I had a mental breakdown?
(Eng isn't my 1st language btw :') )
#34
I find it incredibly difficult to connect with others. I simply can’t muster the energy to give a s**t about others. I look at others as objects or annoying automata. I don’t hate most. I simply have no opinion on others. Suppose that makes me kind of broken. There. Off my chest.
1AlphaGeek1 1 year ago
It's all right. I have the same issue. You are not broken, just incompatible with others.
#35
I secretly blame my ex girlfriend for her ex husband assaulting me at a small casino a few months ago, not because we know each other and she left him for me, but for the simple fact that he had so much hatred for me that he literally screamed "im going to f*****g kill you" as he swung a deadly weapon at me. Later i found out that she had talked to him after she and i got together and she apparently told him i was physically abusive...
I have not even so much as raised my voice to her, let alone be abusive physically...
Rivers of Belief 1 year ago
What people will say to make themselves look like victims especially when they have dark secrets themselves. Stay a good person and sorry you went through that.
#36
My best friend since 10 now (32) just got married I wasn’t included in the bachelor party nor invited to stand in the wedding. I left shortly after dinner was served. No pictures no partying. Seen him as I was leaving we said we loved each other and I said congratulations.
#37
I have little to no patience and I get really stressed when things don’t move like clockwork
Midnightoil 1 year ago
Things not working out is a learning experience. Whatever it was- a failed relationship, didn't get the job, gives you the chances to reevaluate why it did not work out. This is life lessons. People get many life lessons. How you respond is up to you.
#38
I’ve not had a will to live since I was 11 years old and I’ve felt emotionally empty ever since
I also fear that I’m going to die alone because I can’t seem to let myself be happy or just date for the hell of it
#39
I often fantasise about dying.
timothythefrog (he/they) 1 year ago
not exactly, the call of the abyss is more suicidal and more impulsive, this is a coping mechanism that is not those things, neccesarily
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that weird wallflower is demi 1 year ago
I don't even like to imagine pain. I know that I'm gonna have to get over that and learn to deal with pain, I'm just like... incapable of imagining the feeling of pain. It's like my brain locks away the feeling after I'm done feeling it... This is for mental and physical pain, so stress, barfing, scraped knee, hurt feelings, etc
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 year ago
I sometimes daydream about what I'd do before dying (on purpose) so ur not the only one
crowspectre (he/they) 1 year ago
I frequently have super gory fantasies of mutilating or killing myself and it actually calms me down. Idk why, I usually do it when I'm having a suicidal anxiety attack and just start picturing my bloody corpse
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
Winston Churchill would not let himself stand near the edge of train or tube platforms because he was afraid he'd just step in front of one.
Ephemeral Mochi 1 year ago
It's not quite the same thing, but I often fantasize about being injured in various ways (getting hit by a car, attacked, falling down stairs, accidentally cutting myself while chopping food, house fires, and the list goes on)
Lesley Zed 1 year ago
I have no particular fear of dying, but a very strong self protection instinct. It makes my life much more fulfilling enjoying the good and the bad life gives me. Life never promised us a rose garden. What I do with my life is up to me. Everything that lives dies. It’s just a fact.🤔❤️
#40
I am a horrible human. I feel jealous when people around me are doing better. I am tired to pretending that I am happy for them when in reality I hope they are burned. I also have insecurities. Which is probably why such hatred.
What do you think ?
Emotionally unstable elephant 1 year ago
I act, and I act well. So many people say that it seems so tricky and that I'm so talented, but most of the time, I'm barely trying. There's no effort involved whatsoever. I'm Autistic and trans, so I've spent my entire life pretending to be another person. I can't imagine a life where I have to make a conscious effort to change parts of myself. It's just that, but structured. I can jump into character in seconds without much of a second thought. I know it's not much to 'confess', as such, but I felt I needed to get it off my chest.
Nikki D 1 year ago
Do you know who you are without any act or filter? I've done it so long, I have no idea who I really am. Sounds like you are just being who you need to be in any situation, which is a great adaptive trait. Just don't lose yourself.
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birdhouse 1 year ago
I am ready to die. I am 47 and live with chronic pain and depression. I have 3 kids all in university or collage. When they are done and living on their own I have decided I'm done. I secretly hope for an accident to take my life every day.
Robert Benson 1 year ago
I understand where you're coming from. Talk with your family about it. If you decide that you are done, you don't want to leave them wondering. The only thing that keeps me going, sometimes, is not knowing how to prevent emotionally scarring people. Pain can be managed to a level where it can't be felt consciously, but I haven't figured out how to escape the depression. Is the depression a result of the pain?
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Spongebob Sadpants 1 year ago
I used to judge people for surrendering their dogs, then it happened to me. He was a German shepherd corgi mix. I had him for a year. There was something wrong with him mentally. He hated men with a passion. Attacked cats and made my blue heeler mean. One day he escaped the fence for the 29th time, jumped one of my mom's cat, and kept running away from me. We have neighbors moving in and they have dogs and kids. I guaranteed that he would harm them. No amount of training or love could fix him. He'd beaten up my Chihuahua mix a few times. So I took him to a local vet that does adoptions. They took him in and said they'd try to find him a home. But by day five he'd gotten more and more violent. The vets had to put him down due to safety concerns. He was a year old, I loved him more than anything, and I hate myself for being unable to fix him.
freakingbee (they/them) 1 year ago
i'm so sorry, i recently went through a similar situation. we had to put down our 4 year old staffy almost a month ago because she was aggressive and could have hurt someone badly (she'd nipped at a few people before) and she was just so unpredictable. she was the best dog i ever had and she got me through one of the hardest parts of my life and losing her was the hardest thing i've had to do.
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CrazyKnitter 1 year ago
I usually over empathize in a lot of ways. To the point where I get second hand embarrassment from TV shows and movies. But my mom keeps adopting old and sick dogs then getting absolutely devastated when they die, which I understand, but I feel nothing. I keep thinking that they're not sick or in pain anymore and go about my day. I feel so bad that I can't be there for my mom, but I also feel really fake if I try and pretend to be sad.
Frostwing 1 year ago
I want to die.The only reason I haven't is because people need me. One of my best friends deals with suicidal thoughts as well, and I have been the one to talk her down from a suicide attempt more than once. She needs me to be ok. And I look ok most of the time. But I have a notebook filled with information about poisons and notes on how I could use them to die. I just can't do it for much longer. I look and seem so happy, but there is nothing underneath. No emotion. Nothing. I cut as well, Idk why. It's just relaxing. The thing that makes this all worse is that I do have a good life. I have great parents and friends and it just makes me feel so guilty. The friend I mentioned earlier, she has a mom who is borderline emotionally abusive. Another friend I have with depression comes from a poorer family. But what about me? The only possible reason I have depression like this is because it's hereditary in my family. And that feels like it doesn't count. So I pretend I'm OK, live a hate it.
Tamra 1 year ago
Frostwing, I wanted to tell you that your form of depression happens to a lot of people. It's very real, it "counts", and is treatable. If your parents are supportive as you say, please do tell them that you are suffering. Medication could be incredibly helpful. Life changing, in fact. But you have to take the first step, and tell them what's going on. If they lost you, they would never, ever recover.
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Bubblegum Witch 1 year ago
I wish my dad would divorce his new wife. (My second stepmom) She is narcisstic and a horrible person who just wants me out of her life so my dad can focus all his attention on her. She's even jealous of his new hunting puppy because he has to train him and work with him so much. I can hardly do anything with my dad anymore, her presence feels suffocating. I just want my dad and I to live alone without her or her kids who are unkind to me. I just want my dad back.
TheDemonicCat 1 year ago (edited)
I don't know anything about myself. I don't know what I'm really like as I have a different personality for every group of friends and a different personality for my family. I don't which one is really me, I don't know if any are really me. I don't know what I want to be or do in life. I don't know how I feel about people, whether I like being around them or not. I don't know if I've been in love before. I don't know what I'm good at. I don't know if I like my family. I don't know if I enjoy my friends company or if it's all just fake. Im sorry if I'm ranting, yet again, I dont really know whether I should've posted this here or not but I guess I did. Sorry if I seem a li'l like an idiot.
vogonpoet 1 year ago
My grandmother died last year. It was hard, for everyone. The problem is my mother would like to start a family tradition in her memory with my siblings, to go out on my nan's birthday. And to be honest I really couldn't be arsed to do it. I get the sentiment, but I'm not really a sentimental person. I care, but I really just cannot be arsed. I have four autistic kids, and i myself am autistic, pretty certain my grandmother was autistic too.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
I honestly don’t care if anyone around me dies. I didn’t feel anything when my great grandma or one of my uncles died. I also don’t care if any of my friends break up with me as it feels like I lack a sort of emotional bond with them. I can’t pay attention when someone talks to me. I could be trying my hardest to focus but I lose track of the conversation and I stop processing what people are saying so I have to ask people to repeat themselves over and over again. I have a problem with being “brutally honest” because according to people around me I’m too blunt when speaking and end up being brutally honest and might hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t know how to stop being so blunt as I feel I speak normally unless someone is constantly pointing out where I’m wrong
Seadog 1 year ago
I was one of several people to see a man hit his kid hard in the head several times. More than one including me called the police. I was the only one to go out and speak to the officer when he arrived. He took man outside and spoke to him. I then went back out and he talked me out of pressing charges on the grounds that it would likely snowball back home and make things even worse. I've regretted ever since that I allowed him to talk me out of having that jerk arrested. And trust me when I say that kid did NOTHING. They were sitting right beside of us in a restaurant and that kid was the picture of perfect behavior. I have no hard feeling against the officer, he was doing his job to the best of his ability. I even tried calling in a few days later to speak to him and change my decision but ironically he was injured in the line of duty and never returned to work and no one else would/could take up the case. My advice to everyone is never tolerate abuse by anyone against anyone.
Cloudy 1 year ago
I had a breakdown last November. Wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for two of my close friends. Both have sworn not to tell anyone else I know. I'm thankful to have them. But sometimes, i still want to end it all. I just feel bad that I put so much weight onto them and it will go to waste. People are always like, you have such a privileged life, why would you want to throw it away? They don't f**king understand. They don't know what it's like to be in my position. Everyone around me has expectations of the person I'm supposed to grow up to be and how I'm supposed to act now. I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to be a burden on them or my family. I just want to disappear from existence. Is that too much to ask?
Mintii Bunnii 1 year ago
i am tired of the place i live in. i want to move out but am incapable of living on my own. my parents never rlly taught me any survival skills. if i tried to go out on my own, i'd have no clue what i was doing and likely end up homeless. i blame my autism for the difficulties i have trying to understand the ways of society. i have it easy though. my parents take care of me and meet every need i have. i have a good home and a good life. i often feel like a bumbling child though... i wish i could be more motivated
Dawnieangel76 1 year ago
I hate & resent most of my family. My brother & sister are both incapable of being normal, adult humans. My brother dropped out of HS, never has held down a job, and stays home all day playing video games, due to mental illness. My sister is an alcoholic pot smoker who can't or won't hold down a full-time job, and is incapable of caring about anyone other than herself...her daughter (whom I raised) included. Neither of them will go see doctors about getting help for their mental issues. My mother enabled them, and still does, to rely almost completely on ME since we were all kids! Meanwhile I work full time, pay almost all the bills & rent, haven't had a vacation in almost 15 years, because of my stupid sense of responsibility in not leaving them to their own (probably homeless) devices. My niece thankfully takes after me as she works full time, has a savings account, pays her own bills, has her own car, etc. But if I had the chance to start over, I'd run as fast & far as I could.
Audacious_1 1 year ago
I‘m the small, innocent one in the friend group. Being in high school, lots of dirty jokes get thrown around and I used to not get them. It was funny and cute to my friend group and I guess I was proud of my innocence. But then I lost it. Due to an unfortunate happenstance, nobody’s fault, I‘ve been through some stuff and done things I’m not proud of. I haven’t told my friends; it feels too private. So I still pretend to be the small, innocent, naïve one. I act like I don’t get their dirty jokes or bad references. They are such wonderful people, and I know they would accept me and the things that I’ve done if I were to tell them. And yet I’m so afraid of change, and of admitting that the innocent, clueless me is gone. Not a big secret I guess but it’s nice to get it off my chest
No Name 1 year ago
I've been on sertraline for anxiety for so much of my life that I have no idea if I'm genuinely aromantic and dang near asexual or if it's the meds. I'm also slowly realizing that even though I can talk about my stalker freely without having flashbacks or anything, it still made me deeply uncomfortable with being seen as an object of sexual desire. I don't want anyone close to me to want me like that.
A Bi-Cycle 1 year ago
Everyone thinks I am happy. I am always the first one to laugh, and everyone always sees me with a smile on my face. What nobody knows, even my parents, is that at night I bury my face into a pillow and cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore and I have almost attempted before in the middle of the night, then went to school with a smile and laugh. I am so so tired and the only thing keeping me alive is my little sister who adores me with her whole 5 year old heart. I can’t bear her sobbing and asking where I am, when I’m gone. But everyday I get closer and closer. And I can’t open up as I feel like a burden. Sorry for the rant.
Emotionally unstable elephant 1 year ago
I act, and I act well. So many people say that it seems so tricky and that I'm so talented, but most of the time, I'm barely trying. There's no effort involved whatsoever. I'm Autistic and trans, so I've spent my entire life pretending to be another person. I can't imagine a life where I have to make a conscious effort to change parts of myself. It's just that, but structured. I can jump into character in seconds without much of a second thought. I know it's not much to 'confess', as such, but I felt I needed to get it off my chest.
Nikki D 1 year ago
Do you know who you are without any act or filter? I've done it so long, I have no idea who I really am. Sounds like you are just being who you need to be in any situation, which is a great adaptive trait. Just don't lose yourself.
Load More Replies... birdhouse 1 year ago
I am ready to die. I am 47 and live with chronic pain and depression. I have 3 kids all in university or collage. When they are done and living on their own I have decided I'm done. I secretly hope for an accident to take my life every day.
Robert Benson 1 year ago
I understand where you're coming from. Talk with your family about it. If you decide that you are done, you don't want to leave them wondering. The only thing that keeps me going, sometimes, is not knowing how to prevent emotionally scarring people. Pain can be managed to a level where it can't be felt consciously, but I haven't figured out how to escape the depression. Is the depression a result of the pain?
Load More Replies... Spongebob Sadpants 1 year ago
I used to judge people for surrendering their dogs, then it happened to me. He was a German shepherd corgi mix. I had him for a year. There was something wrong with him mentally. He hated men with a passion. Attacked cats and made my blue heeler mean. One day he escaped the fence for the 29th time, jumped one of my mom's cat, and kept running away from me. We have neighbors moving in and they have dogs and kids. I guaranteed that he would harm them. No amount of training or love could fix him. He'd beaten up my Chihuahua mix a few times. So I took him to a local vet that does adoptions. They took him in and said they'd try to find him a home. But by day five he'd gotten more and more violent. The vets had to put him down due to safety concerns. He was a year old, I loved him more than anything, and I hate myself for being unable to fix him.
freakingbee (they/them) 1 year ago
i'm so sorry, i recently went through a similar situation. we had to put down our 4 year old staffy almost a month ago because she was aggressive and could have hurt someone badly (she'd nipped at a few people before) and she was just so unpredictable. she was the best dog i ever had and she got me through one of the hardest parts of my life and losing her was the hardest thing i've had to do.
Load More Replies... CrazyKnitter 1 year ago
I usually over empathize in a lot of ways. To the point where I get second hand embarrassment from TV shows and movies. But my mom keeps adopting old and sick dogs then getting absolutely devastated when they die, which I understand, but I feel nothing. I keep thinking that they're not sick or in pain anymore and go about my day. I feel so bad that I can't be there for my mom, but I also feel really fake if I try and pretend to be sad.
Frostwing 1 year ago
I want to die.The only reason I haven't is because people need me. One of my best friends deals with suicidal thoughts as well, and I have been the one to talk her down from a suicide attempt more than once. She needs me to be ok. And I look ok most of the time. But I have a notebook filled with information about poisons and notes on how I could use them to die. I just can't do it for much longer. I look and seem so happy, but there is nothing underneath. No emotion. Nothing. I cut as well, Idk why. It's just relaxing. The thing that makes this all worse is that I do have a good life. I have great parents and friends and it just makes me feel so guilty. The friend I mentioned earlier, she has a mom who is borderline emotionally abusive. Another friend I have with depression comes from a poorer family. But what about me? The only possible reason I have depression like this is because it's hereditary in my family. And that feels like it doesn't count. So I pretend I'm OK, live a hate it.
Tamra 1 year ago
Frostwing, I wanted to tell you that your form of depression happens to a lot of people. It's very real, it "counts", and is treatable. If your parents are supportive as you say, please do tell them that you are suffering. Medication could be incredibly helpful. Life changing, in fact. But you have to take the first step, and tell them what's going on. If they lost you, they would never, ever recover.
Load More Replies... Bubblegum Witch 1 year ago
I wish my dad would divorce his new wife. (My second stepmom) She is narcisstic and a horrible person who just wants me out of her life so my dad can focus all his attention on her. She's even jealous of his new hunting puppy because he has to train him and work with him so much. I can hardly do anything with my dad anymore, her presence feels suffocating. I just want my dad and I to live alone without her or her kids who are unkind to me. I just want my dad back.
TheDemonicCat 1 year ago (edited)
I don't know anything about myself. I don't know what I'm really like as I have a different personality for every group of friends and a different personality for my family. I don't which one is really me, I don't know if any are really me. I don't know what I want to be or do in life. I don't know how I feel about people, whether I like being around them or not. I don't know if I've been in love before. I don't know what I'm good at. I don't know if I like my family. I don't know if I enjoy my friends company or if it's all just fake. Im sorry if I'm ranting, yet again, I dont really know whether I should've posted this here or not but I guess I did. Sorry if I seem a li'l like an idiot.
vogonpoet 1 year ago
My grandmother died last year. It was hard, for everyone. The problem is my mother would like to start a family tradition in her memory with my siblings, to go out on my nan's birthday. And to be honest I really couldn't be arsed to do it. I get the sentiment, but I'm not really a sentimental person. I care, but I really just cannot be arsed. I have four autistic kids, and i myself am autistic, pretty certain my grandmother was autistic too.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
I honestly don’t care if anyone around me dies. I didn’t feel anything when my great grandma or one of my uncles died. I also don’t care if any of my friends break up with me as it feels like I lack a sort of emotional bond with them. I can’t pay attention when someone talks to me. I could be trying my hardest to focus but I lose track of the conversation and I stop processing what people are saying so I have to ask people to repeat themselves over and over again. I have a problem with being “brutally honest” because according to people around me I’m too blunt when speaking and end up being brutally honest and might hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t know how to stop being so blunt as I feel I speak normally unless someone is constantly pointing out where I’m wrong
Seadog 1 year ago
I was one of several people to see a man hit his kid hard in the head several times. More than one including me called the police. I was the only one to go out and speak to the officer when he arrived. He took man outside and spoke to him. I then went back out and he talked me out of pressing charges on the grounds that it would likely snowball back home and make things even worse. I've regretted ever since that I allowed him to talk me out of having that jerk arrested. And trust me when I say that kid did NOTHING. They were sitting right beside of us in a restaurant and that kid was the picture of perfect behavior. I have no hard feeling against the officer, he was doing his job to the best of his ability. I even tried calling in a few days later to speak to him and change my decision but ironically he was injured in the line of duty and never returned to work and no one else would/could take up the case. My advice to everyone is never tolerate abuse by anyone against anyone.
Cloudy 1 year ago
I had a breakdown last November. Wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for two of my close friends. Both have sworn not to tell anyone else I know. I'm thankful to have them. But sometimes, i still want to end it all. I just feel bad that I put so much weight onto them and it will go to waste. People are always like, you have such a privileged life, why would you want to throw it away? They don't f**king understand. They don't know what it's like to be in my position. Everyone around me has expectations of the person I'm supposed to grow up to be and how I'm supposed to act now. I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to be a burden on them or my family. I just want to disappear from existence. Is that too much to ask?
Mintii Bunnii 1 year ago
i am tired of the place i live in. i want to move out but am incapable of living on my own. my parents never rlly taught me any survival skills. if i tried to go out on my own, i'd have no clue what i was doing and likely end up homeless. i blame my autism for the difficulties i have trying to understand the ways of society. i have it easy though. my parents take care of me and meet every need i have. i have a good home and a good life. i often feel like a bumbling child though... i wish i could be more motivated
Dawnieangel76 1 year ago
I hate & resent most of my family. My brother & sister are both incapable of being normal, adult humans. My brother dropped out of HS, never has held down a job, and stays home all day playing video games, due to mental illness. My sister is an alcoholic pot smoker who can't or won't hold down a full-time job, and is incapable of caring about anyone other than herself...her daughter (whom I raised) included. Neither of them will go see doctors about getting help for their mental issues. My mother enabled them, and still does, to rely almost completely on ME since we were all kids! Meanwhile I work full time, pay almost all the bills & rent, haven't had a vacation in almost 15 years, because of my stupid sense of responsibility in not leaving them to their own (probably homeless) devices. My niece thankfully takes after me as she works full time, has a savings account, pays her own bills, has her own car, etc. But if I had the chance to start over, I'd run as fast & far as I could.
Audacious_1 1 year ago
I‘m the small, innocent one in the friend group. Being in high school, lots of dirty jokes get thrown around and I used to not get them. It was funny and cute to my friend group and I guess I was proud of my innocence. But then I lost it. Due to an unfortunate happenstance, nobody’s fault, I‘ve been through some stuff and done things I’m not proud of. I haven’t told my friends; it feels too private. So I still pretend to be the small, innocent, naïve one. I act like I don’t get their dirty jokes or bad references. They are such wonderful people, and I know they would accept me and the things that I’ve done if I were to tell them. And yet I’m so afraid of change, and of admitting that the innocent, clueless me is gone. Not a big secret I guess but it’s nice to get it off my chest
No Name 1 year ago
I've been on sertraline for anxiety for so much of my life that I have no idea if I'm genuinely aromantic and dang near asexual or if it's the meds. I'm also slowly realizing that even though I can talk about my stalker freely without having flashbacks or anything, it still made me deeply uncomfortable with being seen as an object of sexual desire. I don't want anyone close to me to want me like that.
A Bi-Cycle 1 year ago
Everyone thinks I am happy. I am always the first one to laugh, and everyone always sees me with a smile on my face. What nobody knows, even my parents, is that at night I bury my face into a pillow and cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore and I have almost attempted before in the middle of the night, then went to school with a smile and laugh. I am so so tired and the only thing keeping me alive is my little sister who adores me with her whole 5 year old heart. I can’t bear her sobbing and asking where I am, when I’m gone. But everyday I get closer and closer. And I can’t open up as I feel like a burden. Sorry for the rant.
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