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Royal_Arachnid_2295 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced The person you married is not the same person you divorce.

Final score:

102points

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trollingergirl 6 months ago

It's often a sobering realization that people can change in ways we never anticipated.

34points

oddwithoutend , Ozan Çulha / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Despite common misconceptions, the last few decades have seen a decline in such stories.

In 2000, a total of 944,000 divorces and annulments occurred, and the crude divorce rate was 4.00 per 1,000 population during that year. By 2021, it had fallen to 2.5 per 1,000 population, with just 689,308 people divorcing that year.

(Interestingly, the marriage rate has declined too, dropping from 8.2 per population in 2000 to 6.00 per population in 2021.)

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved.

Final score:

95points

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Pandemonium 6 months ago

Was deeply heartbroken for longer than I would've liked, but the relief arrived and has lasted much longer than the heartache. Time heals, but it takes, um, time.

27points

katrose73 , Charlotte May / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Not me, but my dad and I once had a conversation about it. Basically he was pissed that he lived with 4 women and the top of the fridge was always dirty. ( He's 6'2" and the only one who could see it) he said once he was on his own he realized he should have just cleaned it himself.

Final score:

92points

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sofacushionfort 6 months ago

“It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit.”

76points

Pyla 6 months ago

Goddamn. Genius.

3points

Candid Panda 6 months ago

Sounds like he was blaming other women for something he should have been doing himself all along.

27points

Guy Bare 6 months ago

And it took him so many years to come to this conclusion..

15points

royal_antelope 6 months ago

So he was pissed that the four women weren't his slaves. Got it.

11points

Auntriarch 6 months ago

Well at least he got it eventually.

3points

Lew k 6 months ago

There shouldn’t be any their job/ my job in marriage. If something needs done and you have the time, do it. Just because my wife normally does the laundry doesn’t mean it’s her job. If im home and have the time I do it. Treat it as a partnership in a mutually successful enterprise. If I get that thing done my wife may have more time to relax later and she does the same for me. If she’s been extra busy at work I try to get more done to give her some relief and during the summer while I work outside in the desert heat she does things like my laundry because im exhausted a lot. Do for each other instead of worrying who’s doing more.

2points

Lame Llama 6 months ago

Ah, so cleaning was the women's job. He deserves to be alone if that was the attitude.

1point

Beerwithjimmbo , Nathan McBride / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Freedom after being controlled is amazing. Even in the little things. .

Final score:

90points

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Meaghan Stewart 6 months ago

I could finally write whatever I wanted.

12points

Moist_Departure_3975 , Ephraim Mayrena / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That I actually wasn’t the problem and how much of myself and my energy got diluted and stolen by him.

Final score:

86points

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LaserBrain 6 months ago

Yes! I had the same experience, only it was a her, not a him.

20points

bunbunzinlove , Dương Nhân / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I felt even more lonely when I was married.

Final score:

83points

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Lizz 6 months ago

The worst feeling

17points

RickLeeTaker , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That the person I thought was the love of my life and soulmate could be so unbelievably cruel.

Final score:

75points

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Amy E 6 months ago

Wonder if my ex thought I was cruel for kicking him out after his dozenth time cheating on me?

16points

sanantoniogirl71 , leah hetteberg / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I always thought my older girls would one day resent me for getting divorced from their dad. 20 years plus later they told me it was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for them.

Final score:

72points

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Cat Chat 6 months ago

Both my parents are each twice divorced (once from each other, and each from a 2nd marriage). I applaud and am proud my mom eventually stood up for herself each time. Not so much for my dad for cheating on mom. His 2nd divorce was from my ex-stepmom cheating. He was livid about it, but still mad at my mom for divorcing him. Hypocrite.

33points

treecatks , Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#10

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How quickly I recovered financially without my ex’s complete dependence on me instead of helping to support the family.

Final score:

66points

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Lizz 6 months ago

Being financially independent is so important.... I have a financially dependent spouse and it sucks

15points

ineedamathclass , Sofia Alejandra / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#11

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How starved for love and affection I was and how much confidence in myself I had lost.

Final score:

63points

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Bananic 6 months ago

i feel this so much. hope you've found and now love your self worth 🤍

15points

#12

I am not the same person I was almost 6 years ago. A part of me had to die for the rest of me to flourish and see how bright the world truly is. It isn’t the end of the world when divorce happens, it’s the beginning of a new adventure!

I’m also shocked at how long a bag of Doritos lasts in my home now. And they are all for me!

GuppyGirl1234 Report

Final score:

59points

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EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 6 months ago

🤣🤣🤣 that's the best part

23points

Crkshnks432 , Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#13

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced It hurts like hell even if you should have done it years ago.

Final score:

57points

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Christina Born 6 months ago

This. 😕

11points

#14

How much calmer I am. I had turned into a nasty person always yelling at my ex for not cleaning and doing basic chores for himself. I did not want to be a mom to a grown child who had yet to realize he was an adult.

Life is much more peaceful. The silence after was worth it.

Pristine_Ad5229 Report

Final score:

57points

POST

Georgia Ireland 6 months ago

Sure sounds like it!

15points

SuperIngaMMXXII , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#15

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That none of our friends believed that my ex was abusive. He was a covert narcissist and was extremely charming. I never knew who he really was even after 25 years.

Final score:

56points

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Jill Rhodry 6 months ago (edited)

Two things - you never know what goes on behind closed doors, so don't judge - second: - I had my own covert who become malignant after heart surgery (apparently realising their own mortality can trigger this), now as strange as this is going to sound it helped when I heard - 'if they're charming out there and cruel behind doors, they know what they're doing' (because they're turning if 'off' and 'on' at will )- OMG!!!! seriously?! I'd always thought that he gave his best to everyone else and his worst to us but it still never clicked how deliberate it all was - I don't know why knowing this makes it better (?) it seems as though it should make it worse but it doesn't.

47points

CamillaMiles , Nathan Dumlao / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#16

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced He was able to feed and to take care of our daughter all by himself too! Who would have seen that coming?

Final score:

51points

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DB 6 months ago

I saw the complete opposite. She couldn't do even the simplest things. Fortunately her sister was there to help.

1point

#17

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced You can almost die from grief and disappointment.

heartofgold48 Report

Final score:

49points

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Debbie 6 months ago

You actually can die of a broken heart.

15points

slh236 , Dev Asangbam / unspplash (not the actual photo) Report

#18

That you can survive on your own. A lot of time is spent wondering how you can make it on your own after so many years together. You can do it and it can be better on the other side.

primemn Report

Final score:

49points

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#19

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That relationship PTSD is a thing. I have a hard time even forming new friendships with people, much less trying to date.

Final score:

48points

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Meaghan Stewart 6 months ago

7 years on and I’m still horrified at the idea of a relationship.

16points

Missdermeanerthanyou , https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-standing-on-grass-field-frq5Q6Ne9k4 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#20

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That it's easier to be content with your life when you aren't feeling hurt, used, or ignored.

Final score:

46points

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Nannychachi 6 months ago

So, so true.

3points

#21

A lot of the people you think are your friends aren’t. If you met them through your spouse they may drop you like a hot rock when you divorce. Do not become too invested in other people’s families. You can watch their kids, be there through illness, attend weddings and funerals etc and 20 years later they might act like they’ve never met you. Mind your own and let them mind theirs.

No partner at all is worlds better than a bad partner.

DelightfulandDarling Report

Final score:

46points

POST

Candid Panda 6 months ago

No partner is better than a bad partner. It bears repeating.

23points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#22

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Pretty much how awesome life can be with a caring, kind, supportive spouse.

I had no idea how bad I had it until the old one abandoned ship, and I met the true love of my life.

Relax-Enjoy , Nathan Dumlao / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

45points

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jjdubs W 6 months ago

Even better when you learn to be there for yourself!

11points

K_R_O_O_N , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#23

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How easy and cheap (for us free at city hall, a small lunch for the best man and maid of honor) it is to get married, and how time consuming and expensive it is to get divorced.

Final score:

43points

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LaserBrain 6 months ago

Want to know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it!!

20points

Utterlybored , SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#24

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Shouldn’t have been surprising, but “It takes two people to keep a marriage together. It only takes one to tear it apart.” A therapist taught me this, which was revelatory. It helped me to stop believing there was some way I could save it, even as my partner was trying to actively sabotage it.

Final score:

39points

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Sven Horlemann 6 months ago

In a marriage you are a team. If one f*cks up, the team is f*cked.

8points

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#25

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove them from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less.

magicrowantree , Alexander Dummer / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

POST

pineapple87 6 months ago

This is why I'm so happy I had the sense to divorce before we had kids. The choices I've made are looking more and more like I may never have a family, but I don't regret it because shared custody with him would have been an absolute nightmare.

22points

anothercrockett , freestocks / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#26

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced You know, I remember at one point in my marriage thinking "I guess this is just how it works." After being unhappy for so long, it just seemed like the normal.

But I've definitely found out that no, it's not how it works! A relationship can be happy and supportive, without you feeling like you have to do all the work!

Final score:

37points

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Auntriarch 6 months ago

My brother and his partner are both survivors of toxic marriages, and they are loving how it turns out when both people are giving

8points

CommissionUnlucky525 Report

#27

Our friends were really his friends.

Final score:

31points

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LaDonna Scheppe 6 months ago

I wish I could upvote this a hundred times.

0points

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#28

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Although the situation sucks there are many positives that I wouldn’t trade and I’m thankful for. One of those is the realisation of how loved and valued I am by my friends and family. I have been more loved and supported over the last year than during my marriage but I am so thankful for each of my friends and family.

Brownpantsjnr , Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

28points

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Amy E 6 months ago

Single now & more loved than I've ever been in my whole life!!

5points

#29

One side of it is usually already moved on by the time the words "I want a divorce" are uttered leaving only one of the two people involved to be destroyed in the moment, and having to move forward while dealing with the dissolution of the legal side of things.

sregor0280 Report

Final score:

24points

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Christina Born 6 months ago

In my case I had a fun year of grieving before I finally filed. I told my (now ex) husband and he got so excited to be on his own and go visit all the national parks within about 2min. See, he had "left" in all ways but moving out over 15yrs before. He was actively trying to sabotage things the last 3 or 4 years I just didn't get the message right away.

10points

#30

What a giant, time consuming, inconvenient and expensive pain in the a*s it is to change your last name.

You have to provide a complete paper trail of what your last name has been since birth, you have to handle the name change itself with different governmental agencies in a very specific order and if you’ve married more than once and don’t have any of your original certified documentation… it’s gonna cost ya to get those. Birth certificate, marriage certificate, divorce decree, passport, etc. You have to have original or certified copies to do this.

It was BRUTAL during Covid.

Then there’s changing your last name at the bank, anything remotely financial (add notarization/medallion signature costs to any paperwork).

*Then* there’s all your other minor accounts that have your old last name on it- stuff like retailers, car rental agencies, state toll road accounts, various websites you’ve done business with.

Never again.

EmpressSpapOop Report

Final score:

24points

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EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 6 months ago

I didn't and wouldn't change my name. My name is important to me and it was under my name i achieved brilliant things i never thought possible, like getting my degrees and my masters in my 40s, becoming successful after leaving school at 12 to work as a cleaner, to finding someone who loved me and was proud of me. All that happened with my last name. I wouldn't give that away.

28points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#31

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Lawyers are expensive.

CatchABeatRunnin , Ruthson Zimmerman / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

24points

POST

DB 6 months ago

Worse when your ex has lawyers in her immediate family. She had access to free legal advice 24/7 from people who knew how to manipulate the system.

2points

Ok_Acanthisitta5022 , Vija Rindo Pratama / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#32

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How many men I knew that wanted to date me lol.

Final score:

21points

POST

DB 6 months ago

Women too. It was amazing.

4points

Bright_Appearance390 Report

#33

Never been divorced but people should know that a prenup is not a rock solid contract.

Made her sign the right before the wedding? She was under duress and the prenup is now null and void.

Final score:

19points

POST

Emma S 6 months ago (edited)

In England and Wales they are not legally binding. Courts can take them into account when deciding who gets what, but the courts have discretion to ignore the pre nup if it is unfair to one party or children.

9points

#34

You give up a lot of yourself in a marriage.

Not just emotionally and physically. But the day to days.

For instance. My ex wife was a Goo Hoarder. Soaps, Perfumes, Lotions, Shampoos, Conditioners, make up.

You name it. For 7 years of my life I Never needed to buy deodorant, Or Shampoo, Or Body Wash, Or shave lotion, or hand soap.

The first problem I encountered after getting divorced was when I went to go buy my own goo. I couldn't find a lot of the brands I liked from my marriage. God knows where she got them, and none of the scents I used before my marriage even existed anymore.

So I had to figure out scents, and experiment with my sensitive skin, and gauge price all over again. It was figuring out a me I didn't know anymore.

Seelengst Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Feathered Dinosaur 6 months ago

"Man discovers the concept of Mental Load"

35points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#35

Fighting doesn't end once you're divorced, it can get worst. Now there is no bond to put a stop at how far you can escalate things.

adaemman Report

Final score:

13points

POST

pineapple87 6 months ago

In my case, I decided to stop fighting two years after the divorce. When my ex tried to pick a fight over stuff that should have been ancient history, I told him we could sit down and discuss it like adults but I wasn't going to listen to his insinuations anymore. He decided to stop talking to me altogether. I have no need to stay on his good side anymore. He can hate me if he wants, but I don't have to take the bait.

20points

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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What do you think ?

POST

pineapple87 6 months ago

That the majority of our problems came down to poor communication and probably could have been resolved if we had gone to therapy while we were still in love. He suggested therapy when we were talking about divorce, but by that point I was too far gone and I knew it. I simply had no motivation to try to make it work anymore. Now eight years and two years of individual therapy later, I see my own mistakes better, and a lot of it came down to the fact that we were simply too young and inexperienced. Despite knowing this, I also know that he wasn't right for me and I'm far happier alone. I was afraid I might regret leaving, but I haven't. Not even once.

7points

trollingergirl 6 months ago

Has anybody noticed that the bored panda points just froze and don't add up any more? (Just asking, I just noticed with mine). I would not bother BP support with this.... (Not relevant for this thread, I know. Sorry!)

6points

FloralDangerNoodle 6 months ago

@trollingergirl ~ Yes, I noticed awhile back, and also that notifications only work sometimes.

5points

Kat 6 months ago

Finally have a good job that allows me financial independence. No more accepting his paternalistic degrading 'benevolence' ... Still need a ton more courage to uproot my children's lives though ... Working hard on a solid exit plan ...but I'm terrified

4points

Auntriarch 6 months ago

Your children will likely end up thanking you for it. Best wishes to you

3points

DB 6 months ago

Day my divorce was finalized I went to a bar to celebrate. Bartender bought me a drink. Two women gave me their phone numbers. A third took me home with her. Best day ever.

3points

Trisec Tebeakesse 6 months ago

How much I feel that I've been held back in my life - work, adventures, skills, improvement, etc....because my partner didn't want to do it with me, so I didn't do it either. (Not there yet, but the writing is on the wall.)

2points

pineapple87 6 months ago

Been there. Though I've realized that I was also holding myself back by assuming he would be upset if I did things without him. He probably would have been, but I should have done it anyway. If you can't get past differences, you're holding onto something that probably isn't really worth holding on to.

0points

Ace 6 months ago

That trying so hard to be the person you think your partner wants you to be will never work. And that making sure you look after your own interests is equally as important as keeping the other person happy.

2points

pineapple87 6 months ago

100%

0points

Amy E 6 months ago

I took the last name of someone that I knew was actively cheating on me and am finding hard to forgive Past Amy. Proud of her for finally getting out of it though, very brave.

2points

MoMcB 6 months ago

Give past Amy a hug and let her go, you're a different person now, and know your worth.

1point

Nigel Peter 6 months ago

After 25+ years and 3 kids, a lack of love and affection, I decided that this was just "how marriage is" Unbeknownst to me, she took 2 years to plot the divorce and made sure to empty bank accounts before serving me with divorce papers. I was devastated. 6 years later, I've healed and realized just how toxic a person she was. Not to mention the amount of cash she was blowing through every month - and I just thought that that was the "cost of living" In the end, I've realized she did me a HUGE favour, met and married my soulmate and discovered that a marriage CAN be loving, full of affection and mutual respect.

1point

Michael Largey 6 months ago

Not a single one of these said "I was the one at fault - I screwed things up for both of us." Apparently such individuals have no access to the internet.

1point

Angela C 6 months ago

Most of the time it's not just one person's fault

1point

WonderWoman 6 months ago (edited)

The court system is not equipped to deal with children of divorce, they treat them like property and their feelings are irrelevant. Doesn't matter if the ex is abusive, and extends the abuse directly at the children - not unless the children are hurt horribly. The courts blame the parent for marrying and having children with the monster - of course the monster was hiding when they got married. The courts will say 'others have it worse, deal'

1point

Steve Hall 6 months ago

Most of these people had valid points but I wonder if they realize that their ex probably felt the same way when it was all over.

0points

pineapple87 6 months ago

So what if they did? That just means it was the right decision for everyone involved. I accept that my ex-husband has every right to hate me. That doesn't mean that I have to hate him or take blame for everything.

1point

David Kennon 6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Angela C 6 months ago

You're going to screw your kids up worse staying in a bad marriage. Do you want them to grow up and think that's what a relationship should look like? That it's ok to treat a partner that way or accept that kind of treatment from a partner? No. You're not doing anyone any favors by staying

2points

POST

pineapple87 6 months ago

7points

trollingergirl 6 months ago

6points

FloralDangerNoodle 6 months ago

@trollingergirl ~ Yes, I noticed awhile back, and also that notifications only work sometimes.

5points

Kat 6 months ago

4points

Auntriarch 6 months ago

Your children will likely end up thanking you for it. Best wishes to you

3points

DB 6 months ago

Day my divorce was finalized I went to a bar to celebrate. Bartender bought me a drink. Two women gave me their phone numbers. A third took me home with her. Best day ever.

3points

Trisec Tebeakesse 6 months ago

2points

pineapple87 6 months ago

0points

Ace 6 months ago

2points

pineapple87 6 months ago

100%

0points

Amy E 6 months ago

I took the last name of someone that I knew was actively cheating on me and am finding hard to forgive Past Amy. Proud of her for finally getting out of it though, very brave.

2points

MoMcB 6 months ago

Give past Amy a hug and let her go, you're a different person now, and know your worth.

1point

Nigel Peter 6 months ago

1point

Michael Largey 6 months ago

Not a single one of these said "I was the one at fault - I screwed things up for both of us." Apparently such individuals have no access to the internet.

1point

Angela C 6 months ago

Most of the time it's not just one person's fault

1point

WonderWoman 6 months ago (edited)

1point

Steve Hall 6 months ago

Most of these people had valid points but I wonder if they realize that their ex probably felt the same way when it was all over.

0points

pineapple87 6 months ago

1point

David Kennon 6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Angela C 6 months ago

2points