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If You See These 30 Signs At The Next Party You’re At, It’s Probably Time For You To Leave
Parties often have a lot of unwritten rules about how you should behave. Depending on your local culture and relationship dynamics, you might be expected to be fashionably late or bring the host a gift. But something that is in a bit of a grey area is knowing when to leave. Very few hosts are willing to outright tell you ‘get off my couch, leave, I’m sleepy.’
The ever-helpful r/AskReddit community shared some of the (not so) subtle signs that it’s probably time for you to thank your host, grab your things, and head home. ASAP! Scroll down for their useful tips, and be sure to upvote the ones that you personally found the most helpful.
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#1
If the host starts cleaning up instead of socializing, it's either time to help or time to leave.
RELATED:
#2
Host puts their hands on their knees, stands up and says “well, it’s getting late”.
#3
If someone shows off or flashes a weapon of any kind. Gun, knife, taser, whatever. Just go. It always ends badly and bystanders get hurt all too often.
Setting the right expectations can save you a lot of headaches down the line. If you’re throwing a formal party with physical invites, social media pages, and the like, you can indicate how long the event will last. If you clearly state that you’re wrapping things up by 2 am, then nobody has an excuse to stay longer. Unless they decide to stick around and help you wash the mountain of dirty dishes you’re bound to have!
In other cases… there’s some ambiguity. You’ve probably known at least a few guests who like to stick around and keep chatting on and on (and on!). No matter how many subtle hints and nudges you throw their way that you want to be alone now, they keep dodging them like the socially unperceptive pros they are.
#4
In your teens: any vomiting.
In your 20s: it’s just you and the host’s closest friends, and everyone left there is a closer friend than you.
In your 30s: the babysitter needs to get home.
In your 40s: no one needs encouragement. Our pajamas start calling us immediately after dinner.
#6
When the hosts yawn, leave.
If the hosts don't yawn, leave by the time half the guest have.
Don't stay until the end unless it's your best friend.
It’s here where the relationship between your character and the dynamics you have with your friends play a huge role. Some people are very big on humor and directness, so they’ll have no problem telling their pals to ‘eff off’ while everyone has a good laugh.
Others prefer more refined and nuanced strategies so as not to offend anyone. They might start washing the dishes or they’ll change into some cozier clothing. They might physically get up and start clearing the tables. They might start glancing at their watch. Or they might genuinely look tired and be less engaged in the conversation.
The odds are that you’ve done something similar in the past. We know we have! A fan favorite of ours is the good old ‘welp!’ that you spout while slapping your knees. It’s brilliantly effective!
#7
Some cultures, they put out a bowl/display of fruit as a last bite of food before you go. Some folks call it "FOF" (F*&$ Off Fruit) haha.
Ann Jeppesen 2 months ago
In Denmark it's normal to have a meal at the end of a big party. And it's called "Get out of here" food. People know that when it's on the table, it's soon time to go home.
#8
In Syria, social visits begin with juice. Then sweets. Then at last, after a nice visit, Turkish coffee with cardamom. When the coffee comes out, you know to sip and split.
In Yemen, coffee is served first. This resulted in a bit of an awkward visit once when my Yemeni friends invited new Syrian acquaintances over to visit….
#9
At my friend’s birthday party he stood up, turned off the music, thanked everyone for coming and said, “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here “. I think it’s from a song but I’d never heard it and I thought it was great.
Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, told HuffPost that for guests, the rule of thumb is that you don’t want to be the first or last person to leave. Broadly speaking, if you’re the last person to leave, you probably weren’t reading the social cues that it was time to go. If you’re one of the last guests left at the party, you can either leave or help the host clean up.
According to Gottsman, when she wants to end an event as a host, she balances transparency with politeness. It’s a breath of fresh air to realize that you really can be honest. However, it still matters how you phrase everything.
“You really can just say, ’It’s been really nice to have all of you here together tonight. I am getting a bit sleepy from the exciting evening and I am going to have to call it a night very soon. I hope you have enjoyed yourself and I look forward to seeing you again soon,’” the etiquette expert said.
#10
When the dog get nervous.
deletemyaccount 2 months ago
My dog doesn't like strangers visiting my home but loves them out in public.
#11
If there's two or more guys being loud and one of them suddenly takes his shirt off, you have somewhere between 1 second and 1 minute to skedaddle before the fight starts.
Welp! [Slaps knees]. How do you indicate to your guests that it’s time for them to leave, dear Pandas? On the flip side, what are the most common signs you’ve experienced that you should probably head home as a guest?
When’s the last time you’ve had a guest over who couldn’t get any of your hints that it was time for them to head home? What are some subtle red flags that you might want to duck out of an event early? We’re very interested in your experiences and opinions, so if you have a moment, swing by the comments section.
#13
When you hear the second thing break. Usually something glass. Once is an accident, twice is people are getting to the clumsy falling down stage of drunk or stoned, the fights come next. Time to call an uber.
marianne eliza 2 months ago (edited)
I've got a cousin who managed to break something at every family gathering, no matter whose house. Usually a wine glass, but not because she's already drunk. And usually when she's reaching for something on the table and knocks her glass over then.
#14
In my experience, when someone shares a Youtube video they're excited about.
The video is fine, but it inevitably leads to "Oh, that reminds me of one I saw!" leading to an unending chain of people sharing videos, most of the group bored at any given one.
The party is over, now its just people watching Youtube. Bail.
Ash 2 months ago
I was at a party when we were doing that once, lots of clips of comedians, and then the deaf guy was like, "Here! Let me show you a cool one!" and showed us a video with a lot of time-lapse photography. We suddenly realized that he couldn't hear any of the comedians, and we needed to find something more inclusive to do. [this was before closed-captioning was really a thing on youtube. yes, i'm old.]
#15
When the party is growing and people who weren't originally invited start showing up. Leave. The party is NOT going to get better. .
#17
When that one girl starts drunk-crying and making a scene for nothing
Edit: Since everyone is sharing stories; I used to work in hotels and we would often have parties at someone's house after shifts. There was one girl in particular who was sweet as pie and super shy when sober, but when drunk, she turned into an absolute mess. After she got drunk, started crying and then locked herself in the bathroom for multiple hours, **two parties in a row**, we stopped inviting her.
María Hermida 2 months ago
That's exactly what I was going to ask: "why did you keep inviting her?".
#18
When you are ravenously hungry
When the birds start waking up
When folks begin playing quarters for shots of Evan Williams
When the inappropriate peeing starts - be it accidental, on themselves, on others; on you, on anyone really, without permission; for attention; etc.
Same thing for pooping
When talk of calling the cops is overheard
When you cannot locate a reliably sealed, unused, brand name, condom
When you don't recognize where you are
When you can't find the door
When you start hearing the word "bro" at an increased rate, in increasingly louder volumes
When you are for real considering needing an attorney
When the only people left are dudes you don't recognize
Any talk of human or animal sacrifice
In all seriousness, listen to your gut. If it says leave, leave.
#19
I’m old so I’ve seen it all. This would apply to both types of parties.
If anyone is fall down/blackout drunk it’s time to leave even if it’s not you.
If anyone breaks out hard d***s, it’s time to leave.
If there are under age people drinking, it’s time to leave.
If people are being disrespectful to the property of the host, it’s time to leave.
If there are 30-year-olds hitting on 17 - year-olds, it’s time to leave.
If the host starts to clean up, it’s time to either start helping or leave.
In this applies to all parties, never show up empty-handed. And that means something for the host, not three beers that you plan on drinking yourself.
EDIT: Kind of getting some traction so I'll just add that getting in trouble is not the worst outcome here. Normalizing bad situations is the first step in being a part of them. No, you probably won't get arrested if someone does coke at a party you're at, but to a young person (because that's what we are talking about here) it not many reps of seeing this before it seems probably not that bad...
#20
If there is a group of guys who goes to the party and did not greet anybody, where they just stand around looking, someone is about to be jumped or shot. Just leave.
#21
Cocktail parties: arrive on time or within 15 minutes and it’s over in two hours. Dinner parties: arrive on time and it’s over in 2-3 hours depending on how fast things go, how many courses, etc. Late night hangouts / nightcaps after an event: 1-2 hours max and definitely leave if the host appears tired or starts cleaning up.
All those rules go out the window when d***s are involved; refer to the other replies in those cases.
But more generally, once the first person leaves (if they aren’t obviously leaving early for an emergency or something), typically there’s a wave of people leaving, which is when it’s polite to leave. If you’re a close friend and the host asked you to stay a little longer, then roll up your sleeves and help clean up - and then leave when your part of the cleaning (drying dishes or moving chairs or whatever) is done.
And for the love of god, remember that someone lingering is either an idiot or a FWB who is waiting for you to GTFO. Don’t be the idiot, and don’t c**kblock the FWB relationship.
#22
At the first sign of hard d***s, guns or fighting, I'm out.
#23
Leave while you're still having fun.
#24
Car keys in the fruitbowl.
#25
It's hard to explain but when the vibe changes and everybody just starts arguing. Obvious signs are groups of people huddled together talking amongst themselves and glaring at someone else/another group, people furiously messaging on their phones, that one person who always tries to make peace moving back and forth between two groups. Drama is coming and while it may be interesting to watch, if there's any chance you'll get pulled into it GTFO.
#28
Some lady with a too-eager grin shows up with a Santa's bag full of Tupperware and an order form in triplicate.
#29
Fights breaking out? Time to bounce asap.
#30
A shady dude no one knows shows up and people sporadically disappear and come back after 20 mins or so - it’s time to leave unless you’re into hard d***s or really like to gamble.
S**t gets unpredictable really quick.
What do you think ?
Happy_Pandalover 2 months ago (edited)
Sorry, but some of these are ridiculous. When i decide to have a party or guests, then it‘ll be people i‘m comfortable and i can communicate to. No need for „signs“ they need to understand or not. I would just say something like „It‘s getting late. Good night coffee/tea anyone?“. And no, there is no etiquette where the best friends are supposed to stay longer etc.
Multa Nocte 2 months ago
These were actually rather depressing to me. I've led a mostly boring life and it makes me very happy.
Tyke 2 months ago
My brother and I threw a party (as adults). We both went to bed thinking the other was still up, in the morning the place was immaculate and we both thought the other had cleared up. Turns out, we both went off to sleep, our friends stayed up partying, then completely cleaned up, put things away, threw out the rubbish before they left. Best party ever.
Happy_Pandalover 2 months ago (edited)
Sorry, but some of these are ridiculous. When i decide to have a party or guests, then it‘ll be people i‘m comfortable and i can communicate to. No need for „signs“ they need to understand or not. I would just say something like „It‘s getting late. Good night coffee/tea anyone?“. And no, there is no etiquette where the best friends are supposed to stay longer etc.
Multa Nocte 2 months ago
These were actually rather depressing to me. I've led a mostly boring life and it makes me very happy.
Tyke 2 months ago
My brother and I threw a party (as adults). We both went to bed thinking the other was still up, in the morning the place was immaculate and we both thought the other had cleared up. Turns out, we both went off to sleep, our friends stayed up partying, then completely cleaned up, put things away, threw out the rubbish before they left. Best party ever.
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