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No one is perfect; no matter how much we idealize a person—be it a family member, a partner, an idol, or someone else—they ought to have flaws. At least one. And even though it’s important to try and accept people for who they are—the good and the bad included—sometimes that one flaw can outweigh all the good qualities they possess.

Redditor u/WoodenInevitable1574 recently asked the ‘Ask Reddit’ community what is one red flag in a partner that negates all the green ones, and members had plenty to share. Ranging from dishonesty to the daily number of selfies taken, their answers covered all sorts of factors that would fend them off from otherwise even the most perfect of partners. Scroll down to find them on the list below, together with some of the OP’s thoughts on the matter, which they shared with Bored Panda during a recent interview.

#1

They voted for Trump. That shows a clear lack of kindness, integrity, and intelligence.

Catzrjoy Report

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Aaron W
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Supporting Trump is not a political position, it's a psychological one.

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#2

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones There's a lot, but the one I have that isn't here yet is animal cruelty, except if it's towards a cockroach.

achmadr_az , Tillmann Hübner Report

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Loverboy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hurting a grown adult is one thing. Hurting something that has no real way of stopping you or defending itself is another. F*****g pieces of s**t

Spencer's slave
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Animals and children are 100% off limits. I've gone up against, usually men, occasionally women, more than double my size and I would do it again in a heartbeat to protect innocents.

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Carla Campbell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being cruel to children or animals makes me want to hurt a m********a.

Alex Mosby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really don't like animals, they remind me too much of children. However, I would never hurt and animal and would literally cry if I ran over a tree rat.

Laura Kaye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who grew up with parents who treated their animals like furniture and not as parts of the family, and would also be dickheads to said furniture. I agree 100%. I currently own a dog, 2 rabbits and 13 chickens. They all are spoiled rotten with love and affection! I am dating someone who admits not to care for dogs or cats but guess who happily plays with a vicious murder paws when he gets the chance and let's my dog love him (she forces him to. Obviously)

Haha Nope
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone that hurts animals or children for absolutely no reason is a monster. If you are being attacked by an animal, it is understandable, but flagrant abuse of harmless creatures is atrocious.

BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I confidently save spiders and beetles from inside the house to outside, but I will never safe wasps and cockroaches. Wasps scare the shít out of me and make me cry, and we have flying cockroaches where I live. No thanks <3 (I'm also allergic to cockroaches lol)

Riley Quinn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know this is stupid, but I will interfere if I see a child or an animal being hit or verbally abused.

Eat Dirt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You guys are my favorite people now. I will protect the doggos with you.

BC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m from a family of farmers and hunters. We eat what we kill, and we only kill vermin, fish, eels, or a few mutton sheep. In Australia vermin are rabbits and venison. I will never condone killing for fun, or not eating the whole of an animal. Yes, including offal and hooves.

Ela
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if it's a cockroach. If it's necessary to kill anything, do it humanely. It's not about it or how icky you find it, it's about you and what sort of person you are.

Johnny Ferrari
Community Member
1 year ago

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haters gonna hate #trump2024 . Biden has done nothing but embarrass this country. From falling every week, to not standing up and defending this country. He needs to be locked up with his crackhead son and Killary.

Duckie Measles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf does your nonsensical political rant have to do with animal cruelty? Get some help.

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#3

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Only respecting women they’re attracted to.

roasttrumpet , Tirachard Kumtanom Report

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Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And when they're not attracted to that woman anymore, she'd get the same disrespect as the others.

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The redditor told Bored Panda that the reason they posed the question was an ended relationship. “I asked it as some surprising revelations came up from a failed relationship I was involved in, and I was curious if I was a unique case,” they said.

Professor of psychology at the Derner School of Psychology of Adelphi University, Lawrence Josephs, PhD., pointed out that sometimes people turn a blind eye to red flags and character flaws while in a relationship, especially in the very beginning. It is related to the phenomena of ‘the primacy effect’, ‘the confirmation bias’, and ‘motivated perception’.

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#4

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Having different levels of respect for people according to their profession, status, health, finances, popularity, race, etc...

You know the ones that cozy up to their peers while yelling at the waiter that brings their food to the table, mocking a special needs customer on the other table for "fun" and/or talking trash about people with a different skin color behind their backs because how dare they?

I hate those people, and make it a point to avoid them like the plague.

RossaToad , Pixabay Report

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hey, I see OP has met my sibling! Yeeah... don't ever EVER tell me "they're family! Forgive everything!" - no.

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#5

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones I have a bunch, but the one that'll get me downvoted to hell? Extremely devout in their religion. Doesn't matter what religion to me - if they're seriously religious, I'm gone.

sonicscrewery , Robert Stokoe Report

The primacy effect refers to people presenting the best version of themselves when they first start dating someone, in order to make a good first impression. Dr. Lawrence Josephs suggested that such a positive impression can influence our judgment and the way we perceive the person in the future.

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That often leads to confirmation bias, which means people tend to selectively look for evidence that could confirm their first impression. Similarly, they often choose to ignore anything that can challenge the positive impression, including all sorts of red flags.

#6

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Never admitting they were wrong, even in the face of evidence. Never apologizing.
No empathy for other’s distress.

LaLizarde , Ryan Hoffman Report

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Sue Denham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. And blaming any wrongdoing on someone else. "Someone told me to do it." "If he hadn't done . . . I wouldn't have had to . . .."

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#7

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Racism/hate.

ihithardest , Clay Banks Report

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Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many use their education/ background as an excuse for their racist views. Nope. At some point in life, you are making your own choices. My father is racist, homophobic, xenophobic and misogynistic (and also abusive and violent to his family). I moved away and haven't spoken to him in years.

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#8

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Littering. Like , blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it but it would still be a huge red flag to me.

Hippycowgirl411 , Karolina Grabowska Report

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According to Josephs, cognitive biases are driven by motivated perception, as people are highly motivated to believe in the idealized image they’ve created of their partner (due to being tired of being single or lonely, and similar reasons). However, he believes that people do notice red flags despite the primacy effect, the confirmation bias, and motivated perception clouding their judgment.

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The OP revealed to Bored Panda what is one red flag that negates all the green ones for them: “I consider abuse of trust as the line that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. No matter what other qualities one may possess, once they break my trust, it's nearly impossible to gain it back.”

#9

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Anti-science.

Less-Mail-6708 , Edward Jenner Report

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Ka Se
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who works close to the scientific field, I would like to say that many seem to misunderstand the concept of science. Scientific knowledge is not fixed, it is what we think is closest to reality based on various sophisticated experiments and observations. Within the scientific community there is constant discussion and sometimes verification (unfortunately this is far too rare as there is neither prestige nor money for it and verification is even more expensive) whether all this is so.

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#10

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip.

strawbisundae replied:

Especially animal cruelty. My old art teacher from the third highschool I attended told me (literally old, she was 72) that, how someone treats animals is often how they treat people and you do not want someone like that in your life.

anon , RDNE Stock project Report

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Tams21
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cruelty, full stop. If they're being cruel to animals, children or vulnerable people, it also makes them a coward but cruelty to anyone and anything would be an immediate deal breaker to me.

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#11

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Absurd possesiveness („you can’t wear that“, „you cant go there“, „you cant talk to that guy“).

stan-twice , Keira Burton Report

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Black Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who thinks they are entitled to even try to control their partner is a big red flag for me.

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The OP believes that sharing stories and discussing similar topics can help people dispose of certain negative emotions. “Human beings are social animals. They take no joy in loneliness, and I'm not just talking physically. If someone else shares your uneasy feelings, they dissipate faster. I make these claims from personal observation and experience,” they said.

#12

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Malicious manipulation of any form.

PsychologicalRing959 , Trinity Kubassek Report

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Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You're too sensitive, stop taking it personally, I was only joking"- really?

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#13

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones If they ever start bragging on how "fortunate" you are to be with them and how they have a roster of people they can be with at any moment.

TheJeey , RDNE Stock project Report

#14

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Victim complex.

kgriff112 replied:

Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this.

She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day.

WouldUKindlyDMBoobs , Anete Lusina Report

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Tee Rat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's for the better and now she'll be the victim of your broken friendship.

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#15

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones How they treat boundaries. If you set one, someone is either going to test it, or they'll actively try to help you maintain it. And if they're the former, things will only get worse from there in how they treat you.

fieldtripday , Thomas AE Report

#17

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Extreme outburst of anger.

itzrx , cottonbro studio Report

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Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anger issues can be managed with a good therapist. Otherwise, you'd be making your loved ones lives a living hell (and they don't deserve that).

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#18

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Overbearing jealousy.

No_transistory replied:

My ex. She would go through my phone while I slept and remove and block people on my social media she didn't want me talking to. Complimenting someone's hair? Flirting. Smiling while talking? Flirting. Liking a photo? Flirting.

She could not stand me having female friends. The irony being most of her friends were male. She also never had anything nice to say about anyone or anything. Left a few months ago and I miss her, but damn I tried and tried and just couldn't cope anymore.

Ok_Advance6558 , Budgeron Bach Report

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Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oooh. I used to spend hours trying to convince my ex that I travelled for business and that was it. "Yeah, sure, who knows what male colleague was with you in your so-called business trip?" How do you prove that you didn't do something? Why would need to prove smth. like that in the first place?

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#19

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Dishonesty.

pretty_monotonous , Timur Weber Report

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Anya Beboop
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For me, it depends on the degree of it. Certain things would be a deal-breaker but many things can be worked through and you can find the cause.

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#20

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones The older I get, the more there are. I'm not dealing with possessiveness, unkindness towards people or animals, gaslighting or other manipulative dishonesty, rage problems, irresponsible financial habits, excessive bathroom humor... I'm sure there's more. And I'm not in the business of changing people.

If we are talking early/first date stuff, though, I'd say being unkind or stingy with wait staff. Quick and easy pass.

BoraBoringgg , cottonbro studio Report

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Kel_how
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, thanks for showing your true colors early so I can get tf out

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#21

Misogyny.

comemerrydol Report

#22

Overly sexualizing every interaction with everyone.

No_University3872 Report

#23

Following anyone in the manosphere. Andrew Tate/Jordan Peterson/ Pearl for example.

petielvrrr Report

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Aiw Aiwou
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never heard of Pearl but agree with the other two. I know many men who find Peterson inspirational or even clever, I don't. He's egoist who twist others' words and rarely replies to a question when it's uncomfortable to him.

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#24

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones What they say about people behind their back.

Street_Piece8194 , Rachael Gorjestani Report

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Corvus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they often talk about other people behind their backs, then chances are they are doing this with you as well...

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#25

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Narcissistic behaviour/ manipulation. Doesn’t matter how perfect they are otherwise. Because chances are it’s not actually the real them.

CrackMami , Min An Report

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Em
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's their nature to be that way, then it is the real them. Doesn't mean you have to like it.

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#26

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Quite a few. Just being rude to people. You can be nice to people in your life,but rude to strangers and I can't stand it.

LimpAd5888 , Jessie McCall Report

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Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having worked in retail in my 20's & 30's I can quite agree with this. Some customers treat you as a servant.

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#27

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Addiction.

As a recovering alcoholic, that's no way to live.

The_AmyrlinSeat , Vinicius "amnx" Amano Report

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Shyla Bouche
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's too late for me. I read that as abduction. In my defense, I was watching X-Files earlier.

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#28

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Finding out they want something like kids several months down the road, when in the beginning they swore not wanting any and you're concrete in not wanting any.

Like, I'm not changing my mind so make up yours and stop wasting my time and effort.

pyrnixas , Charles Parker Report

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Mis Stake she/her 🇫🇮🇬🇧
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hate this! I make sure right in the beginning i dont want kids so no one is disappointed later on. If you lied to make me like you or to be with me its your fault thing are going to end or you are going to be childless

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#29

Smoking

(Sorry, but kissing a smoker is absolutely gross.)

Early_Scratch_9611 Report

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David Fox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a red flag really, people have vices/habits. I quit smoking but I don't judge others for it.

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#30

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Lack of communication.

lamecatpotato , Gül Işık Report

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iBlank
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Problems with communication is extremely common, and perfectly natural. But, if someone isn't willing to try to overcome those issues, it is time to walk.

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#31

The whole game mentality and trying to find things to be upset about so the other person has to make it up to you. Been with a few women who would try to make me feel guilty over nothing or just simple things like:

Me: Hey, sorry, I have to work tonight since my major project is due tomorrow, can we get together tomorrow for dinner?

Her: Oh, so what, you love your work more than you love me?!

Me: No, I HAVE to work (this is the first reschedule in months). Maybe I can make it up to you tomorrow?

Her: Yea, youll have to I guess...

Me: *feels bed like Im a bad person and a bad partner, when it is a simple 1 day reschedule for a basic date*

Like this s**t was exhausting and constant. Then for weeks after its brought up like it was a huge issue in our relationship and I still "owe" her something.

I was getting a brand new car which was my dream car, and was so excited, that when I spoke about it, my ex said "sounds like you like the car more than me..." and got moody. Like cant you just be happy with me?

garry4321 Report

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#32

How they treat people in the service industry/hospitality.
You can be the sweetest most caring woman I’ve ever met in my life that genuinely wants me to be better and is interested in my life and growing together as partners BUT the second they treat someone who may be serving us food or checking us into a hotel or restaurant and treat them like s**t for no reason, then it’s time to take my toast elsewhere.

TOASTED_TONYY Report

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#33

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones My first serious girlfriend went on a three year campaign to change everything about me she could.

I started seeing a girl, beautiful, ambitious, came from money, our families had a long but good history together. About six weeks in its getting serious. She's talking about getting her dad to buy her/build her a location she can start a business near where I live and I'm a struggling video producer.

I asked her flat out, "What makes this work for you? You've got these things going for you and I have months I struggle to pay bills."

"You got a few problems but I think I can change you."

Punched out on that relationship a few days later.

Flailing_Aimlessly , Etienne Boulanger Report

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Tee Rat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood people with this attitude. "I can change them and then they will be perfect." Couples naturally change together for better or worse.

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#34

Lack of empathy, impatient, selfish, to name a few.

javawong Report

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a conversation with a roommate once. We were high and tipsy and talking about how we want to make enough money to help alleviate social ills such as homeless. Next day (not even 24 hours later) we're out getting food and there's this teen boy who she assumed appeared homeless. With a disgusted voice she asked "what is he doing here?" He was buying food. The boy was just buying food. The lease only ends in a couple of months.

#35

"Have you ever considered an open relationship"

Nope, goodbye.

Daketa_34813 Report

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Diolla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do not agree with this one. If you're not into that, OK. But it's not a red flag per se, it does not make someone a bad person.

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#36

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Arrogance.

B1rdPal , 100K MAKHASETTE Report

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Satan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is gonna sound bad for me, but the way I learnt that arrogance was bad, was through Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of The Sith.

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#37

- Lack of basic hygiene
- Lack of basic skills (how to do laundry, cook simple meals, etc)

Dapper_Accountant_21 Report

#38

Being domineering and controlling. Just absolutely f*****g no.

I_DRINK_ANARCHY Report

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Black Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree but domineering and controlling behaviour can be so insidious you don't even realise it's gotten really bad until you're having to do silly things like double checking you put the jam on the correct shelf of the fridge.

#39

Disliking dogs (or animals in general).

antisocial_moth2 Report

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ADJ
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a general principle this is a real good measure. But there are cases in which it may not be so clear. I have a neigbour, otherwise very good and kind person, who does not like dogs because she was attacked and bitten by a dog when she was a child. So before you judge, check for the specific reason.

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#40

Getting upset at every little thing. Like don't get me wrong, I understand some people are a bit sensitive or emotional, but you can't be asking for communication and then get upset at everything I say.

AdventurousWasabi777 Report

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah... don't start demanding things then getting upset when you get the thing but it's not matching what you'd made up in your head.

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#41

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Over the top solipsism. That "I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true" mentality.

chilledkitkat replied:

When I meet someone like that it reminds me of playing peek-a-boo with a baby and exploiting their lack of object permanence.

UnoriginalUse , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't perceive it that way so it can't be true... oh my GAWD the number of people who are like this... is depressingly surprising. I know more than once someone has said something like this and I had to pause for a moment ... because I honestly thought they were kidding - as in "You've lived to adult age... you ARE joking, right? You canNOT be this stupid and... oh my gawd you are."

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#42

Not lack of knowledge but lack of open-mindedness to new ideas and cultures. Lots of people who work against generational teachings of subliminal prejudice do a lot of work but cut ethical corners. It's not about being good or bad, being right or wrong, or holding an opinion. But just generally being humble enough to approach something without assuming or having a stance before a full mental image is formed.

Revolutionary_Ball24 Report

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Kel_how
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Went on a first date to an Indian restaurant and the guy had never eaten India. I really appreciated that he was open to the experience and asked questions to understand. We didn't date long-term but he was a good guy.

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#43

If they take more than 7 selfies a day... it's oddly specific in a number of ways but I find it says a lot about one's character.

ButterflyOverkill Report

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Tucker Cahooter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless you are taking a selfie of yourself standing next to the King of England I can't see the point. I don't need my ugly mug inserted into a snapshot of a tourist attraction as somehow giving credence to me being there

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#44

Malice.

If they lie, it's usually because of trauma and trust issues. They fear the consequences of being honest. I can work with that.

If they cheat, again they don't feel like they can trust me to talk about desires and kinks.

I negate both of these by making sure we can say anything and we can talk about anything. A fling it's one thing. People have their own goals and desires, so long as we both have the same freedoms and understandings, we're good.

Malice however it's different. Their goal is to cause misery to others, manipulate others for their own gain or even just ruin the lives of others. When someone is malicious, you're not a person to them but just a thing to use. There's no value of growth or partnership.

There are people who seem to be straight up wicked beings that want nothing more than to harm others for one reason or another. You can't trust that. You can't work with people like that. They'll use you then blame you for trusting them.

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#45

Hoarding. I just can’t handle the whole illness on a day to day. I’m not strong enough. It’s a huge red flag and hard pass.

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Kel_how
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It becomes a health and safety hazard. I can't count the number of times I helped my mom clean out my grandmother's house for it to be 10x worse months later.

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#46

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Doesn’t see his kid.

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Tams21
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's out of choice then absolutely. If it's because of a bitter custody battle then it might be worth listening to the whole story.

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#47

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones How they handle conflict and disagreement.

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Black Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes like when they start belittling you if you don't agree with them or try to shut you down if they don't agree with you without even considering an alternate point of view.

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#48

When they simply can't speak to you in a respectful way. And I'm not talking about RESPECT I'm talking about they just say hateful, impatient, rude stuff to you seemingly because they think that's what you deserve.

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#49

Nowadays for me the lack of a stable job or other clear way to support themselves.

A student in college living off loans is fine if they have a clear career path thought out. Somebody on their third job this year because every shift lead they’ve had was supposedly a b***h has some stuff to work out before they should be dating.

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#50

1) Being strongly conservative. It sucks, because goddamn do I love cowboys, but every time I've tried it our values are just too opposing and it ends with them mocking my thoughts/beliefs.

2) Becoming too attached/committed too quickly. Learned that the hard way - it isn't sincere overwhelming love, it's a manipulation tactic. Last ex remodeled a wing in his house just for me to use after 6 weeks of dating, and I seriously felt like I was Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It...didn't turn out well.

3) Focusing too much on my finances. I have a graduate degree and a financially comfortable job, which I'm proud of. I still had guys that wanted me to "prove" I wasn't a gold digger by making me pay for everything I wanted, even if it was to benefit us mutually. Vacations, home repairs, holiday gifts for both our families, cars, whatever. Turns out I was the diggee, not the digger. I agree with sharing expenses, but when my ex wanted to skip a wedding and have my dad "cut him a check" for the wedding fund my parents saved for me, I knew I was played.

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Elio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems that guys paranoid about gold diggers are paranoid because they want to be the gold digger.

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#51

Any personality switch - sign of love bombing.

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#52

Snobby to everyone but you.

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#53

When my ex gf would talk about her ex as if she wished things would have worked out.

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Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg I missed that one early on, then guess who she went to when things got difficult. Made me realize I was never the guy she wanted. I was the guy she settled for.

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#54

When they answer most questions with a political statement.

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#55

Any previous infidelity. Once a cheater there is a large potential for them to repeat it.

Also, being unwilling to spend money on me from time to time (covering dates or whatever). Gold diggers are a huge red flag.

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#56

People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones cheating

disrespect towards me

disrespect towards others

disloyalty

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#57

Degradation. I don't care if it's in your nature to be the kind of comedian that always puts me at the butt of jokes or if you think it's sexy to emasculate me in bed, that is just a gateway to being a real d******d to me because I'm letting you get away with so much and there is no going back once I've let you have a few.

I've had friends like this as well, had is the keyword.

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#58

Using ultimatums to get their way.

"You have to choose between ____ and me"

"If you don't like me doing ____ then maybe this relationship isn't working"

"I don't like it when you ____, stop it or I'll dump you"

It doesn't matter what the blanks are, it doesn't even matter if she's 100% right with her ultimatums, this type of behavior is an immediate no-go.

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#59

Refusal to talk about certain aspects of their past. If your partner can't be open to you about their life, including their relationship with their parents, their siblings or other family members, or the fact that they may have been in jail/prison in the past, been an addict or alcoholic - walk away. Your partner needs to be open to discussion about things in their past that could affect your life with them.

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Marie R.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imma say I don't agree completely - I suffer from severe PTSD and am open about the general "What happened" - but everything else is too painful for me to talk about, that's something I only speak out about in therapy. Some things are okay to keep to yourself, as long as it doesn't affect the partnership and honest communication

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#60

Astrology.

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Tucker Cahooter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think astrology is a load of bunkum, and I'm sure my fellow Capricorns would agree with me

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#61

Lots of exes and all of them being irredeemable people, never any mutual break ups or "I just didn't really feel compatible with them."

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#62

Poor money management skills. Like having an income that can support a domestic driving vacation once a year, but then throwing down 4 months rent on an international vacation and putting it on credit cards?

I went on a date with a chick, and she was telling me about her 3 week vacation to SE Asia. The flight alone would have been a months rent, let alone all the other costs. Then she drops "I had to max two credit cards, but it was worth it!"

I would have stiffed her with the bill after that. Instead I went to the bathroom a short while later, paid my half of the bill, tipped generously, and left.

I am not a sugar daddy, I do not want to be a sugar daddy, and money is probably like the 3rd or 4th most important thing to a functioning happy household.

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Jill Rhodry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No mention there that she has any expectation at all for him to pay off her credit card. Fine it's not something he would do - me neither - but to her it was worth it. Different values can cause issues to work through but I don't personally see this as a red flag if it's being paid off - or if she's smart transferring the balance to a new card at 0% interest.

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#63

Credit Card Debt.

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on the debt, and how they're managing it. Credit cards are great for emergencies. If they had an emergency - vet bill, emergency plumber, etc, and paid with a credit card, and are slowly paying it off, that's completely different to constantly increasing debt due to a shopping addiction.

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