The whole game mentality and trying to find things to be upset about so the other person has to make it up to you. Been with a few women who would try to make me feel guilty over nothing or just simple things like:

Me: Hey, sorry, I have to work tonight since my major project is due tomorrow, can we get together tomorrow for dinner?

Her: Oh, so what, you love your work more than you love me?!

Me: No, I HAVE to work (this is the first reschedule in months). Maybe I can make it up to you tomorrow?

Her: Yea, youll have to I guess...

Me: *feels bed like Im a bad person and a bad partner, when it is a simple 1 day reschedule for a basic date*

Like this s**t was exhausting and constant. Then for weeks after its brought up like it was a huge issue in our relationship and I still "owe" her something.

I was getting a brand new car which was my dream car, and was so excited, that when I spoke about it, my ex said "sounds like you like the car more than me..." and got moody. Like cant you just be happy with me?

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How they treat people in the service industry/hospitality.
You can be the sweetest most caring woman I’ve ever met in my life that genuinely wants me to be better and is interested in my life and growing together as partners BUT the second they treat someone who may be serving us food or checking us into a hotel or restaurant and treat them like s**t for no reason, then it’s time to take my toast elsewhere.

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My first serious girlfriend went on a three year campaign to change everything about me she could.

I started seeing a girl, beautiful, ambitious, came from money, our families had a long but good history together. About six weeks in its getting serious. She's talking about getting her dad to buy her/build her a location she can start a business near where I live and I'm a struggling video producer.

I asked her flat out, "What makes this work for you? You've got these things going for you and I have months I struggle to pay bills."

"You got a few problems but I think I can change you."

Punched out on that relationship a few days later.

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Lack of empathy, impatient, selfish, to name a few.

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"Have you ever considered an open relationship"

Nope, goodbye.

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Arrogance.

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- Lack of basic hygiene
- Lack of basic skills (how to do laundry, cook simple meals, etc)

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Being domineering and controlling. Just absolutely f*****g no.

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Disliking dogs (or animals in general).

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ADJ

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1 year ago

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As a general principle this is a real good measure. But there are cases in which it may not be so clear. I have a neigbour, otherwise very good and kind person, who does not like dogs because she was attacked and bitten by a dog when she was a child. So before you judge, check for the specific reason.

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Susan Green

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I think there’s a difference between being afraid of dogs and just plain disliking them. I wouldn’t fault someone if they were scared of dogs.

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Em

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1 year ago

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I still don't want that person in my life to a significant degree, though. As a neighbor I wave at occasionally, sure. As a close friend or partner, we're incompatible.

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Alexia

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Careful with this one. People may have asthma, severe allergies to animal hair or feathers (or feather dust) or a past traumatic event that makes them feel unsafe in the presence of a dog (or another animal).

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Duckie Measles

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Fear is totally understandable. Hatred is unacceptable. I fear owls and other large birds of prey, but I would never wish them harm.

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Charlie the Cat

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1 year ago

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I don't like dogs. But then I'm a cat. Cats rule & dogs drool 🐈>🐕

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DC

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Hm ... I like dogs, but only can imagine me living with cats. Just a match I shall not disturb nor twist around. Others are the other way - perfectly fine!

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SadieCat17

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I don't really *hate* dogs but they have way too much energy for me and get exhausting so quickly. I much prefer my quiet, gentle cats but I'm not really a terrible person (in my amazing definitely unbiased opinion, I just have the soul of a 70 year old. Also they slobber and lick which hurts my little semi-germaphobic self. I think it really just depends on why they don't like dogs in combination with other personality traits. I have no urge to hurt dogs though because that's f****d up. THAT certainly is a big red flag.

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CC Boom

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I dislike dogs but I don't hate them. There's a huge difference.

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Vasana Phong

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I think the wording itself ( dislike or hate) if reasoning is due to an attack that causes trauma, more like I’m scared of them, but just like humans you can’t judge that one race because of that one bad incident

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Rodney McKay

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I don't dislike dogs, but rather the fact that they (like kids) steal a humongous amount of freedom from your life.

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Tams21

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I never grew up with pets and a barking dog will often make me quite scared. I have no problem with dogs or animals as such but I will often avoid them for that reason and I'm sure that has been interpreted as a dislike in the past. If that's a red flag for people the so be it but I do wish that people would ask themselves why someone isn't comfortable with animals before judging.

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Lama

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I can totally see this as a personal deal-breaker, you love dogs, they don't, might not work. But I really don't believe it will tell you a lot about the rest of their personality, definitely not up to the point where you would consider it a red flag. Seems purely a compatibility issue to me.

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Curry on...

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I don't think people have to like animals of any kind, just don't be abusive.

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Yeeters

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Disliking cats for no apparent reason (trauma, medical issues,...) is actually a very good way of telling whether someone has narcissistic tendencies. Cats do whatever they want, they will not listen to you and if you attempt to get them to do something they don't like, they will fight back (and win). You cannot control a cat. Narcissists hate when they are not in control, so of course, they don't like cats.

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Jeya Mackelle

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I agree. I understand having had a negative, frightening experience in the past, but I love dogs, so I will not cater to anyone by not having dogs in my life. My dog and I are a package deal. Besides, regardless of your reason for not liking dogs or cats or animals, I don't need to worry about leaving my precious pet alone with a person who might hurt them because they were scared.

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Jeya Mackelle

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To clarify, I understand if you had a negative experience with a dog in the past. Still won't date you out of fear you'll use that as an excuse to hurt my pet(s).

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Getting upset at every little thing. Like don't get me wrong, I understand some people are a bit sensitive or emotional, but you can't be asking for communication and then get upset at everything I say.

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Over the top solipsism. That "I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true" mentality.

chilledkitkat replied:

When I meet someone like that it reminds me of playing peek-a-boo with a baby and exploiting their lack of object permanence.

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Not lack of knowledge but lack of open-mindedness to new ideas and cultures. Lots of people who work against generational teachings of subliminal prejudice do a lot of work but cut ethical corners. It's not about being good or bad, being right or wrong, or holding an opinion. But just generally being humble enough to approach something without assuming or having a stance before a full mental image is formed.

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If they take more than 7 selfies a day... it's oddly specific in a number of ways but I find it says a lot about one's character.

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Malice.

If they lie, it's usually because of trauma and trust issues. They fear the consequences of being honest. I can work with that.

If they cheat, again they don't feel like they can trust me to talk about desires and kinks.

I negate both of these by making sure we can say anything and we can talk about anything. A fling it's one thing. People have their own goals and desires, so long as we both have the same freedoms and understandings, we're good.

Malice however it's different. Their goal is to cause misery to others, manipulate others for their own gain or even just ruin the lives of others. When someone is malicious, you're not a person to them but just a thing to use. There's no value of growth or partnership.

There are people who seem to be straight up wicked beings that want nothing more than to harm others for one reason or another. You can't trust that. You can't work with people like that. They'll use you then blame you for trusting them.

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Hoarding. I just can’t handle the whole illness on a day to day. I’m not strong enough. It’s a huge red flag and hard pass.

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Doesn’t see his kid.

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How they handle conflict and disagreement.

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When they simply can't speak to you in a respectful way. And I'm not talking about RESPECT I'm talking about they just say hateful, impatient, rude stuff to you seemingly because they think that's what you deserve.

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Nowadays for me the lack of a stable job or other clear way to support themselves.

A student in college living off loans is fine if they have a clear career path thought out. Somebody on their third job this year because every shift lead they’ve had was supposedly a b***h has some stuff to work out before they should be dating.

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1) Being strongly conservative. It sucks, because goddamn do I love cowboys, but every time I've tried it our values are just too opposing and it ends with them mocking my thoughts/beliefs.

2) Becoming too attached/committed too quickly. Learned that the hard way - it isn't sincere overwhelming love, it's a manipulation tactic. Last ex remodeled a wing in his house just for me to use after 6 weeks of dating, and I seriously felt like I was Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It...didn't turn out well.

3) Focusing too much on my finances. I have a graduate degree and a financially comfortable job, which I'm proud of. I still had guys that wanted me to "prove" I wasn't a gold digger by making me pay for everything I wanted, even if it was to benefit us mutually. Vacations, home repairs, holiday gifts for both our families, cars, whatever. Turns out I was the diggee, not the digger. I agree with sharing expenses, but when my ex wanted to skip a wedding and have my dad "cut him a check" for the wedding fund my parents saved for me, I knew I was played.

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Any personality switch - sign of love bombing.

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Snobby to everyone but you.

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When my ex gf would talk about her ex as if she wished things would have worked out.

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When they answer most questions with a political statement.

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Any previous infidelity. Once a cheater there is a large potential for them to repeat it.

Also, being unwilling to spend money on me from time to time (covering dates or whatever). Gold diggers are a huge red flag.

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cheating

disrespect towards me

disrespect towards others

disloyalty

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Degradation. I don't care if it's in your nature to be the kind of comedian that always puts me at the butt of jokes or if you think it's sexy to emasculate me in bed, that is just a gateway to being a real d******d to me because I'm letting you get away with so much and there is no going back once I've let you have a few.

I've had friends like this as well, had is the keyword.

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Using ultimatums to get their way.

"You have to choose between ____ and me"

"If you don't like me doing ____ then maybe this relationship isn't working"

"I don't like it when you ____, stop it or I'll dump you"

It doesn't matter what the blanks are, it doesn't even matter if she's 100% right with her ultimatums, this type of behavior is an immediate no-go.

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Refusal to talk about certain aspects of their past. If your partner can't be open to you about their life, including their relationship with their parents, their siblings or other family members, or the fact that they may have been in jail/prison in the past, been an addict or alcoholic - walk away. Your partner needs to be open to discussion about things in their past that could affect your life with them.

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Astrology.

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Lots of exes and all of them being irredeemable people, never any mutual break ups or "I just didn't really feel compatible with them."

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Poor money management skills. Like having an income that can support a domestic driving vacation once a year, but then throwing down 4 months rent on an international vacation and putting it on credit cards?

I went on a date with a chick, and she was telling me about her 3 week vacation to SE Asia. The flight alone would have been a months rent, let alone all the other costs. Then she drops "I had to max two credit cards, but it was worth it!"

I would have stiffed her with the bill after that. Instead I went to the bathroom a short while later, paid my half of the bill, tipped generously, and left.

I am not a sugar daddy, I do not want to be a sugar daddy, and money is probably like the 3rd or 4th most important thing to a functioning happy household.

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Credit Card Debt.

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