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People Share ‘Red Flags’ They Ignored In Their Relationships That Turned Out To Be Very Toxic (30 Pics)
I think it's safe to say most of us have had our fair share of bad relationships. But when does a bad relationship becomes toxic? The kind that takes a toll on your physical, psychological, spiritual or emotional well-being?
Twitter user Halima has set out to find out just that. Recently, she asked people what 'red flags' they overlooked in their exes and her tweet instantly went viral.
From forcing girlfriends to cut off ties with all of their guy-friends to defending everything but your boyfriend, scroll down to see what to look out for in your next relationship and let us know in the comments if you have something to add to the list.
More info: Twitter
Image credits: imdatfeminist
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Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert, who says she coined the term 'toxic relationship' in her 1995 book Toxic People, defines it as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect, and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family medicine physician specializing in mental health, told TIME that those who regularly undermine or cause harm to their partner often have a reason for their behavior even if it’s subconscious. “Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing,” Fuller says. “They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder such as depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, any form of trauma.”
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Either way, being in a toxic relationship with these people might even cause health problems similar to those caused by fast food or other toxic environments. "In fact, unhealthy relationships may contribute to a toxic internal environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even medical problems," author and psychologist Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter wrote for Psychology Today.
To back up her claim, Dr. Carter highlighted a long-term study that followed more than 10,000 subjects for an average of 12.2 years. Eventually, it was discovered that subjects in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing heart problems, including a fatal cardiac event, than counterparts whose close relationships were not negative.
As we can see, positive relationships are vital for a healthy, well-balanced life. "Make sure your health-conscious lifestyle doesn't leave out this crucial ingredient," Dr. Carter concluded.
#3
Lisa loves cats 4 years ago
i hope that these people can get the relationships they need and deserve
#4
Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
This is the worst way of destroying someone. It's invisible to others but it tears you apart.
#5
Iris Engler 4 years ago
That's true. In a healthy relationship you should be able to count on your partner whatever happens. That way those kind of feelings should not be able to come up. Yeah of course there can be a phase for whatever reason where you feel kind of that but it should never be a constant thing
#10
#12
Kaisu 4 years ago
Don't blame yourself for hanging around, it's really hard to leave an abusive relationship, especially when it's emotionally and mentally abusive because then it's easy for you to think you're just overreacting or making things up. And people like these control you and manipulate you and threaten you into staying
#16
Iris Engler 4 years ago
Been there. They can manipulate in a way that you really start doubting yourself and start thinking about if you are not maybe really the guilty
#18
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
How could people be so mean. It is very sad to see these sort of things and realize how unfair people are.
#20
athornedrose 4 years ago
this! you should not need a translator to communicate with your partner!
#26
L McN 4 years ago
Ouch, and the reverse is true here: I could never cheat for many many reasons, but one of them is sort of funny....The first person I would want to tell about the event would be my best friend. Who I am married too....We talk too much almost, and no matter how mad I am she can still get me talking about random things and enjoying the conversation.
#28
#29
Iris Engler 4 years ago
There is literally no reason to block your partner no matter for how long unless you really clearly finished that relation . Then sometimes this can be the only way to protect yourself
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What do you think ?
Derek Neibarger 4 years ago (edited)
I tried to break up with her four times over two years, but she kept talking me out of it. I finally realized the relationship was toxic when after a big fight she suggested counseling. I thought she meant couples counseling, but it was just for me because she figured all the problems with our relationship must be my fault. The real kicker? The therapist couldn't find anything "wrong" with me, but instead of suggesting my unhappiness may be due to being in a s****y relationship she decided I "might" have a chemical imbalance and prescribed antidepressants. Long story short, I finally left her and immediately stopped taking those useless pills. I've been perfectly fine ever since and happily married to my soulmate for twenty years.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Glad you finally rescued yourself. Toxicity has no place in a relationship. Happy you found your soulmate.
Load More Replies...
Kaisu 4 years ago
If anyone out there reading this comment feels like they're in a toxic and abusive relationship, I hope you'll have the strength to get out of it and remember that getting abused is not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself
Staurt Sylvia 3 years ago
Lord Masuka helped reunite I and my husband back after he abandoned me for half a year, contact him today for any help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or whatsapp him +1(234)-307-0752
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
When my mother introduced me and my sister to her new boyfriend, I knew there was something off about him. He'd look me in the eye, but he acted like he was forcing himself to smile. Like he was actually sizing me up. I tried to tell my mother, but she ignored me. Months later, I found out he was beating the c**p out of her on the regular. When we went to move my mother out of his apartment, he had come home and grabbed a knife to threaten her not to leave. He was met by my brother who said "While you're standing there with that knife, ask yourself what happened to the gun you had hidden under your pillow. I suggest you leave or you'll be wishing the cops were here in a minute." He left, we moved her out, she actually tried to go back to him. We laid down a "it's him or us" ultimatum. She finally left him for good.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
This also applies to friendships. I had a friend in high school that I hung out with a lot. I caught times when she would degrade me or make snide comments about my appearance. I brushed it off. When I met the man who would become my husband, she was kind of ok with it, but angry I was not hanging out with her all the time like we used to. Then when my son came along, she became cold and made it perfectly clear she hated kids. Every time after that, whenever we contacted each other..she'd play the pity party. "I don't know if I should move back..it's not like I have any friends there" even though I still lived there. The last time she pulled it I said "Ya know what..why don't you stay where you are. It's not like we have a friendship anyway. You heap on the abuse and I take it. Well..I'm done taking it. Go love yourself. I'm sure you'll be happy being all alone for the rest of your narcissistic life" and hung up. I felt super cleansed.
Load More Replies...
Derek Neibarger 4 years ago (edited)
I tried to break up with her four times over two years, but she kept talking me out of it. I finally realized the relationship was toxic when after a big fight she suggested counseling. I thought she meant couples counseling, but it was just for me because she figured all the problems with our relationship must be my fault. The real kicker? The therapist couldn't find anything "wrong" with me, but instead of suggesting my unhappiness may be due to being in a s****y relationship she decided I "might" have a chemical imbalance and prescribed antidepressants. Long story short, I finally left her and immediately stopped taking those useless pills. I've been perfectly fine ever since and happily married to my soulmate for twenty years.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Glad you finally rescued yourself. Toxicity has no place in a relationship. Happy you found your soulmate.
Load More Replies... Kaisu 4 years ago
If anyone out there reading this comment feels like they're in a toxic and abusive relationship, I hope you'll have the strength to get out of it and remember that getting abused is not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself
Staurt Sylvia 3 years ago
Lord Masuka helped reunite I and my husband back after he abandoned me for half a year, contact him today for any help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or whatsapp him +1(234)-307-0752
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
When my mother introduced me and my sister to her new boyfriend, I knew there was something off about him. He'd look me in the eye, but he acted like he was forcing himself to smile. Like he was actually sizing me up. I tried to tell my mother, but she ignored me. Months later, I found out he was beating the c**p out of her on the regular. When we went to move my mother out of his apartment, he had come home and grabbed a knife to threaten her not to leave. He was met by my brother who said "While you're standing there with that knife, ask yourself what happened to the gun you had hidden under your pillow. I suggest you leave or you'll be wishing the cops were here in a minute." He left, we moved her out, she actually tried to go back to him. We laid down a "it's him or us" ultimatum. She finally left him for good.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
This also applies to friendships. I had a friend in high school that I hung out with a lot. I caught times when she would degrade me or make snide comments about my appearance. I brushed it off. When I met the man who would become my husband, she was kind of ok with it, but angry I was not hanging out with her all the time like we used to. Then when my son came along, she became cold and made it perfectly clear she hated kids. Every time after that, whenever we contacted each other..she'd play the pity party. "I don't know if I should move back..it's not like I have any friends there" even though I still lived there. The last time she pulled it I said "Ya know what..why don't you stay where you are. It's not like we have a friendship anyway. You heap on the abuse and I take it. Well..I'm done taking it. Go love yourself. I'm sure you'll be happy being all alone for the rest of your narcissistic life" and hung up. I felt super cleansed.
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