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To learn more about the secrets that we keep in friendships, we reached out to Zencare to hear from a few of their mental health professionals. Zencare is an online therapist directory and the simplest way to find your ideal therapist. And lucky for us, three of their experts were kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about friendships.

First, we got in touch with Rebekah Ferguson, LMHC. Rebekah is a licensed mental health counselor in Brooklyn, NY, who works with adults of all ages in the treatment of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder/trauma related symptoms, religious identify conflicts, issues with self-esteem, recovery from high control groups and high control relationships, and complex personal struggles related to racial injustice.

I learned my husband was attracted to children after knowing him 8 years, shortly after our sixth wedding anniversary. I found a video one day and our marriage dissolved in an instant. I contacted police and cooperated fully with the police. He's in prison, now.

eminva02 , Pixabay/Pexels Report

Final score:

271points

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LiuLiu 3 months ago

good on the poster

130points

Any_Assumption_2023 , Pixabay/Pexels Report

When it comes to how long it takes for a friendship to form, Rebekah says, "There are multiple factors that affect how long it takes to build a friendship. These include meaningful time spent together, level of alignment on values and interests, and opportunities for emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Some people connect instantly, and other friendships develop more slowly over time, as more of the personality of each person is revealed."

I my 70s. My best friend of 40 years and I were talking, she was very fond of my mother, who has been dead for many years. She said something about how much I must miss her....

I didn't say anything. She pushed.

I finally said, I never say this to people who liked her, but she was extremely abusive, and I was greatly relieved when she died. She once threatened to cut my cat's throat.

There was a long pause.

She said, mine was too.

All those years and we never shared that.

That was quite a talk.

It's amazing the things you hide. .

Final score:

238points

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Michelle C 3 months ago

🫂

40points

Turbulent_Archer_727 , Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels Report

Rachel Friendly, PhD, was also kind enough to weigh in on the topic. Dr. Rachel W. Friendly is a queer- and gender-affirming therapist offering inclusive, culturally-responsive therapy. She works with young adults, the young at heart, and anyone seeking personal exploration and growth.

When it comes to making friends, Dr. Friendly says, "Different friendships have different trajectories. Some are slow and simmering, and then sometimes, you meet someone and you just know they are your people and you get to know them really quickly. Neither is necessarily better than the other, assuming both are built on respect, trust, and equity."

I worked summers as a ticket booth operator at a minor league baseball stadium for around 3 years.

The owner was this really nice old guy (mid to late 80s) who always showed up in a wheelchair being walked by his daughter.

He always rewarded his employees with bonuses for good work. he even gave me $300 once for helping cash out one of his close childhood friends.

One of the final games I worked there he called me into his owners box and gave me beer and free food as well as $1500, just to thank me for all the hard work I did for him over the years.

He told me the reason he liked me so much was because I didn't pretend to like him because of who he was. Confused, I asked him to clarify. And he asked me if I seriously didn't know. I was still confused and then he told me the truth, he was actually a Hall of Fame pitcher who played with the Cleveland Indians and Philadelphia A's from the 1940s-early 1960s and even served in WW2. And showed me a replica of his Hall of Fame plaque.

We laughed about it and he further insinuated why he liked me so much.

He passed away around a year after this and I attended his funeral.

All around an amazing dude and I feel like such and idiot for not knowing who he was.

Final score:

189points

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Julia Mckinney 3 months ago

That happens. I was 12 or 13 (mid-70's), had read one of those kids books about being a candy striper and it sounded interesting. I was doing the final interview at the nearest hospital and the volunteer coordinator asked me if I was OK with people thinking I'd gotten the position because my dad was the head of surgery. My response was "he is?" I mean I knew dad was a surgeon and his office was right next to the hospital but, my parents never told us "hey, your dad's the head of surgery there". She didn't believe me until after she called my dad to confirm it. I volunteered there for 3-4 years and no one else ever mentioned it, only her. They'd ask "oh, is so & so your dad?", I'd say yes and that was it, or they'd tell me a funny story about him (he has a great sense of humor).

81points

"The key to getting close to someone is vulnerability - real relationships can't form without vulnerability, so the more quickly you are able to be (appropriately) vulnerable, the more quickly that vulnerability is likely to be reciprocated, and the more quickly closeness is built," the expert added.

I’ve been married for 17 years. One day my husband’s mom came over and said here I cleaned out your room, take your violin. He then proceeded to play minuet in G. I had never seen my husband play before, he never even mentioned it.

libremaison , Tom Swinnen/Pexels Report

Final score:

168points

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Bec 3 months ago

Coworker said she was talking about getting quotes for someone to paint rooms in their new house as she didn't have time. MIL says, you do know that your husband worked as a house painter when he was in college don't you? No, no she did not, husband had remained conveniently silent as she priced painters.

74points

kingsmen06 , Philippe Donn/Pexels Report

My grandfather was always jumpy around thunderstorms. We assumed it was because he was shot down during the war and it sounded like anti-aircraft fire. Nope! Turns out, when he was a teenager, he got struck by lightning! The craziest part was, this happened the day before he started dating my grandmother. And she'd never heard that story!

Final score:

149points

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Tempest 3 months ago

Maybe the lightning strike sparked his interest in your grandma!

47points

Annual-Use5039 , Dziana Hasanbekava/Pexels Report

Paula Glashausser, LCSW, shared her input on the topic too. Paula Glashausser is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Los Angeles who treats individuals and couples. Many of Paula’s clients seek support to address difficulties or conflict in interpersonal relationships, life transitions, communication, and other mental health concerns, including anxiety and depression.

"Building a friendship can happen very quickly, progress overtime, or take years. There may be a spark - a connection or commonality of sorts - that helps us think, 'I can’t believe I hadn’t met this person sooner,' and feel as though they’ve been your friend forever," she shared.

Finding out my best friend was secretly a published author blew my mind!

Final score:

142points

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iseefractals 3 months ago

First semester of 6th grade, we were given an assignment to write a short story for english class, had until christmas break to complete it (like 3 months) and the only guideline was at least 5 pages (front AND back) long. What i turned in was more like a novella...it was 125 pages, which i based on a game called "lands of lore" I included a little map laying out the setting and all. Unbeknownst to me, my teacher submitted it to a literary contest for kids, with the top 20 having their stories published. Now, we kept the same teachers throughout middle school, so first class, of the first day of 7th grade he starts off by plopping a huge box on his desk, and starts pulling books out and passing them out to everyone, saying this is the first reading assignment, and to "note the author" At the time i wanted to die, but in hindsight pretty awesome.

138points

Bunnyagents , Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels Report

"There are also those friendships that can take years to build that require work to stay connected. I think that what matters most in a friendship is the foundation that it’s built on, as well as how much effort each person contributes," Paula says. "The bottom line is that, in any relationship or friendship, we continue to grow as individuals, and hence, in our friendships as well. We are all forever evolving."

I found out that one of my best friends used to be a competitive figure skater! We’d been friends for years and she never mentioned it. One day, we were talking about childhood hobbies and she casually mentioned she used to compete at a national level. I was shocked! She even showed me some old photos and videos—it was so cool to see a completely different side of her.

Final score:

141points

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Amity 3 months ago

I thought the picture above was Katniss Everdeen for a minute. Your best friend sounds awesome!

24points

ponderingprofessor Report

We also asked the mental health experts why so many people keep secrets from their close friends. "It is important to normalize boundaries, even in friendships, and it is up to each person how comfortable they are in sharing information about themselves," Rebekah pointed out. "Keeping secrets is not always indicative of a lack of trust in the friendship."

I knew my best friend for about 20 years before I found out that his sons were not actually his biological kids, his ex-wife cheated on him and both kids had different fathers, but he loves them and considers them HIS sons.

Final score:

139points

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r tommo 3 months ago

Good man

93points

04221970 , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

"Boundaries are the natural limits that separates us from others, and this includes having different emotional and friendship needs. The amount of information a person chooses to share is often reflective of their level of comfort talking about themselves, their level of openness to emotional intimacy/vulnerability, and the level of emotional attunement they received from caregivers during childhood," she explained. "Also, there are aspects of oneself that may not seem important to share, however someone else may feel that it is important, so keeping in mind different perspectives and friendship needs is crucial."

#10

He knew American sign language

Knew the guy for a few years, just a regular guy. One day I met him for breakfast to find him deep in conversation with a deaf dude.

Final score:

138points

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pep Ito 3 months ago

I don't understand why there isn't a single sign language instead of several different versions. I mean. When you have the opportunity that at least part of the world's population can speak a single language without problems , you create different versions to hinder communication.

51points

Actrivia24 , Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels Report

#11

I recently found out that one of my good friends is really rich. Like comes from old money rich. She has the biggest heart and is incredibly sweet and down to earth so I would have never known. It wasn’t until she got married that I started to piece it together.

“Where are you having your bachelorette party?” “Oh my family has a condo in Florida that we’ve had since before I was born, we’re just gonna chill there for a week.”

“Where is the wedding?” “Oh my dad is part of a club so we’re just going to have it there.” Looks up the club and sees that there is a dress code just to walk into the freaking building, and it costs a couple hundred dollars a month to be a part of it.

At the cocktail hour there was a vase in glass that had pretty birds on it so I took a look, there was a plaque inside that said it was donated to the club and was made in like the 1700s. Priceless art that could be seen at the Met on display in this club as decoration.

So yea, had no idea. In hindsight when she got her master’s in education from an expensive university I should have gotten the hint lol. But I mean it when I say she’s a really phenomenal person. One of the biggest hearts you’ll ever know. Just a gem of a human being.

Final score:

133points

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Upstaged75 3 months ago

I got my Master's in Education from an expensive university too. But I didn't pay a dime for it. :) I got a job at the university and it came with free classes. Most US school do this.

2points

bookworm1421 , Liza Summer/Pexels Report

"I think there can be several reasons behind why one may keep a secret from the people they care about. It’s possible there is fear of judgment, feelings of shame, not feeling ready to talk about it, or perhaps it’s something they want to hold on to solely for themselves," Paula chimed in.

"It’s important to remember that we need to accept people for who they are, as well as where they are in their journey. Whether they aren’t ready to share, or maybe won’t ever share, it’s their decision, and we need to respect that," she explained. "No one is entitled to know details about a person’s experiences, history, or their life that they don’t want to share. All you can do is create a safe space for that person and hope that they will feel comfortable enough to come to you with a secret."

#12

She was homophobic.

Had a friend for over 20 years. She supported me when I came out at 32. She met my partner and loved her. Was a great friend.

Then I went back to court to get custody of my children changed and she sent me a 5 paragraph email telling me that I have no right to my children as I’ll raise them in my lifestyle and they don’t need to be exposed to that. She also said I need to grow up and realize that having someone who is gay as a parent will get them bullied so I need to find a nice man and put my perverted lifestyle aside for the sake of my kids. It went on but, that’s the gist. It was vile. Full of name calling and homophobic dog whistles.

I was so heartbroken. This was my BEST friend of TWENTY YEARS and she writes me a horrible and disgusting email!

Ruined our friendship. Cutting her off was like losing a limb and it took me months to get through it. It’s been 14 years and it still hurts. I check on her through Instagram sometimes (her profile is public) but I have her blocked everywhere else.

Final score:

128points

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BlitheSpirit 3 months ago

Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through that!

64points

Rare_Competition20 , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

So is it a bad sign if one or both friends are keeping secrets? "Sharing vulnerable information/secrets within a healthy friendship dynamic can certainly be beneficial in strengthening bonds, enhancing friendship intimacy, and providing a platform for more expansive relational capacity and connectedness," Rebekah told Bored Panda.

"However, if one or both friends are keeping secrets, placing a value such as 'good' or 'bad' on this dynamic is limiting. A more useful way to address it is to become curious on why one or both are keeping secrets, assess if the secret is something that could impact the other person in a meaningful way, and explore if the pattern of keeping secrets is unique to that friendship, or a more general pattern in interpersonal dynamics," the expert noted.

#13

I learned that my friend was a psychopath.

I knew him as passionate, fun a bit eccentric but over all a good guy.

Then he suddenly took a journalist out sailing in his submarine, tortured her - killed her - cut her up and threw her overboard.

Final score:

124points

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Shark Lady 3 months ago

I remember that case, he'd built the sub himself and the journalist wanted to interview him about it.

107points

Spare_Library1601 , Pixabay/Pexels Report

"If the secret is due to lack of trust, that could be an opportunity to further assess the nature of the friendship, the level of satisfaction in the friendship, and determine what, if any, next steps to take to address the issue," Rebekah added.

#14

Not so much a secret but news to me.

My roommate and I were in the USMC together and if you aren’t married then you must maintain a barracks room. Most people take that as meaning you have to live in the barracks, but if you show up to field day and keep your room clean you can’t technically get in trouble if you decide you don’t want to stay there all the time. My buddy was married at the time so he had his own house off base, and after getting tired of the barracks life I started staying at his house more and more helping out and whatnot. We were definitely friends, always had each others backs and had similar humor, really growing close, getting into each other’s hobbies.

Well one day almost out of the blue his wife leaves him to “find herself” which is pretty f****d as they had a child together. So, buddy is now single and back in the barracks almost ready to EAS, basically get out of the USMC, so he lets his now ex-wife have custody for a few months back in their home state so he can get his s**t together to presumably work out a custody deal. Nothing too notable happens, we have a sending off party for him and he heads back home.

I spend another like 6 months to maybe a year still in, I’m pretty s****y when it comes to keeping in touch with people, so I figure he probably feels a little betrayed I didn’t reach out a whole lot during that time. I get out and move in with my parents, I saved quite a bit of money not having a car, mostly living in the barracks and eating at the chow hall, so I take a year off. Spent time with my family, didn’t have any friends really, when my buddy starts reaching out.

Every few months or so he’d say stuff like there’s a really good job here, you wouldn’t have to rent a place you could stay with me, I could stay there rent free if I looked after his kid, at this point he had him every other week, another job opportunity, you should just visit so we can hang out or whatever. I finally think to myself why not, it seems to me he’s either lonely or trying to look out for me, so fly out see his house and boom pandemic shuts down airports and s**t and I don’t have a car. So, basically become a live in nanny, but it’s not so bad we’re having fun and have each others backs again.

One day we get completely s**t wrecked drunk, happens sometimes, but he tells me something that just shocked me: I am the main benefactor of his will. Here I am thinking we’re just good friends and dudes like no you have the responsibility of making sure that whatever I have is used to help my son live a good life. Damn, that hit me right in the feels.

*Edit I had been the beneficiary of his will for a few years by the time he told me.

Final score:

123points

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Julia Mckinney 3 months ago

Wow. I agreed to be the executor of a friend's will decades ago and have never heard anything else about it. We lost touch long ago.

28points

#15

She won a f*****g **GRAMMY** (like actually, literally) for music she worked on for a video game soundtrack. She didn't even tell anyone, we only found out because her family made posts on facebook congratulating her and tagged her in it.

Korpi-- Report

Final score:

118points

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Lyoness 3 months ago

Why are we arguing grammar when their friend won a BLOODY GRAMMY? That seems a tad more important to the past.

24points

SpidermanBread , Josh Sorenson/Pexels Report

"I think a lot of secret-keeping is about shame," Dr. Friendly pointed out. "Sometimes that shame comes from inside of ourselves, from the messages we were socialized into by our families, the media, and our culture."

"Keeping those secrets isn't necessarily a 'bad sign,' because it may not mean anything at all about the other person in the relationship. It may just take the person longer to overcome their own internal shame," she explained. "But when the shame comes from within the relationship (e.g., the other person either directly shames you or is regularly judgmental about other people so that the message is received that this secret would be shameful), then there is probably something to be examined within that friendship."

#16

My mother was married with a famous drummer before she started dating my dad.

Explained why my dad always got mad when i told him i wanted to become a drummer.

Final score:

114points

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cadena kuhn 3 months ago

Oddly enough mine too

27points

#17

I had a tenant in a basement apartment that I became friends with. He was doing his PhD in philosophy or politics science and in my Canadian city for a couple of years. He was American. He was covered in tattoos and def looked the rock and roll part. We hung out a little bit and since I’m a rock and roll guy I mentioned something about him looking like he was in a band. Turns out he is the lead singer of a well known death metal band. I’m not a metal guy but I was a little shocked.

heavym Report

Final score:

109points

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Travelling Stranger 3 months ago

actually quite a few of US extreme-genre musicians have PhDs in some specialised fields

61points

listenyall , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels Report

#18

I was on a team in high school for 4 years, got pretty close with the other girls on the team and we all hung out all of the time.

We decided to go bowling together and one of these girls, who we had spend hours a week with for years and talked about everything under the sun with, showed up with her own shoes, gloves, bag, and bowling ball and crushed us all with a near-professional score.

She had never mentioned bowling to any of us, even once, even when we were making plans to go bowling.

Final score:

105points

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Julia Mckinney 3 months ago

Sounds like my first day in swim class as a sophomore just starting high school. A few of us were on the swim team and had already been practicing together for a month. The teacher (not our coach) told the class to swim as best as we could to other end of the pool and then just wait there. The three of us looked at eachother, nodded, and took off. 2 of us even did a flip turn at the end of the pool length. The teacher just looked at us and said "you're all on the swim team aren't you?" We nodded and she laughed.

56points

pralineislife , Teguh Sugi/Pexels Report

We were also curious if it's ever possible to know everything about a loved one, or if we'll always be holding onto some secrets.

"Having an understanding of a person's values, characteristics, and life experiences is necessary for forming an authentic friendship, however it is both unrealistic and unhelpful to expect to know everything about another person," Rebekah shared.

"There are some aspects that should be disclosed, if it has a direct or could have a direct impact on the other person, and their sense of safety (psychological, physical, etc.) within the friendship," the expert noted. "[But] an expectation of revealing everything is often rooted in unhealthy relational dynamics, where there is a high level of interdependence versus healthy autonomy, and an over-reliance on the other for support and emotional dependence."

#19

That the man she claimed was harassing her actually took a restraining order out against her because she'd been the one stalking him the entire time.

This was going on for years. He had video proof. It was unsettling to think of how easily she lied for years and years to so many of us.

Final score:

100points

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Jill Rhodry 3 months ago

Smear campaign - especially project the crappy things you do onto your victim - a toxic person's favourite strategy after the discard

53points

#20

My brother-in-law’s father was a god-fearing southern Christian man. Very evangelical, family first, salt of the earth kinda guy. When he passed not only did they discover logs of online conversations with gay men, but that he also wrote extremely popular gay erotica. To say our minds were blown is an understatement. As far as I know it has never been discussed again.

despiacco20 Report

Final score:

99points

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Beth Wheeler 3 months ago

Oh my!

22points

Vulturev4 , Jonathan Wells/Unsplash Report

#21

In my youth, I learned my friend of six or seven years was a Jehovah’s Witness, I had no idea. Sitting there talking to him one day and I asked him if he was ready for Christmas and he said no and that’s when he told me he was Jehovah’s Witness, I had no idea.

Later I found out that he was the reason why every time the Jehovah’s Witnesses went up and down the street in our neighborhood they always skipped my house .

Final score:

91points

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Lisa T 3 months ago

I’m surprised he was allowed to be friends with a non JH person, and generally they are very pushy, in your face about their religion. Was he non practicing?

46points

mrsmoffbricks , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

"As human beings, we all have limits to our perspectives, our memories, and the way we recall information, so it is actually not feasible to disclose 'everything' about oneself," Rebekah told Bored Panda. "A healthy balance of independence and interdependence is necessary in all relationships."

"Everyone has secrets, or at least information about themselves that they won't reveal. And what is most important is being able to know for oneself the what and the why behind it, as well as assessing if keeping the information hidden aligns with values set for self and others," she continued.

#22

When my “best friend” died I learned that I never knew her at all. She was a pathological liar. She had told me that she was born in New Zealand and moved to the U.S. when she was 2. Nope born and raised in NJ. She told me her middle name was different than on her obituary. The craziest lie was that she had a younger sister that was hit by a car as a toddler and died. She had a tattoo of roses that she swore was for her little sister. There was a specific day in November every year where she’d fall apart crying. Said it was her sister’s date of death. That sister never existed.

Final score:

88points

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Anna Boes 3 months ago

This does sound weird. Like, really weird. Lies like false middle names or a more interesting origin story sounds like typical insecure teenager whose social anxiety pushed too far. Making up a dead baby sister might fall in the same category. Breaking down every year on the same date without external prompting is a level of commitment to a stupid, attention-seeking lie that a)mental issues beyond your average teeny anxiety are at work or b)there was a reason she cried. And how do you know there never was a sister? Like, there probably wasn't, but parents aren't always telling the truth, either...

32points

#23

It wasn't really a secret so I don't know if it qualifies. But I have a work friend we've known each other for years. Grab beers together, hang out side of work from time to time. Turns out we've been in each others orbits since birth. He mentioned his mom knowing someone I knew via my mom. We started going through contacts. We'd attended the same schools just diffrent classes that never blended. His brother dated my cousins best friend. We'd worked for the same companies just a mix of one of coming in as the other was leaving or the company was big enough for paths to never cross. We'd lived in the same neighborhoods multiple times. We had the same favorite restaurant in one place we just had diffrent regular days to go.

tdasnowman Report

Final score:

88points

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Hugh Crawford 3 months ago

Was his name Clark Kent?

31points

CascadeJ1980 , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

#24

A good friend of mine that I'd known over 20 years died in 2021 from covid. I noticed a bunch of children at the funeral that I didn't know. I asked who they were, and I was told that they were his children. He told me he had no kids but actually had 10. 10 kids!

Final score:

87points

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Tempest 3 months ago

That’s sad for the kids. Sounds like he’s been refusing to acknowledge their existence. How can you not even mention at least one or two out of so many?

46points

Dr. Friendly agrees that it's not ever possible to know everything about another person. "I am not sure we ever even know everything about ourselves," she noted. "Even the most self-aware people are always learning about themselves – in fact it is often the most self-aware people who are open to continued learning about themselves!"

"I think the key to close, healthy relationships is to remain open and curious about one another so that as we learn about ourselves, we feel safe and encouraged to share that learning with those who care for us," the expert added.

#25

My partner just randomly started juggling when we had friends over a couple months ago.

I never knew they could juggle.

We've been together for over a decade lol.

UnhappyBell4596 Report

Final score:

81points

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Tempest 3 months ago

So you’ve married a clown! ;p

35points

Paula also noted that it may not even be possible to know everything about ourselves.

"We are constantly growing and changing, and that leads to us learning new things about who we are each and every day," she shared. "I think it’s really incredible to try and deepen connections with people by asking them questions about who they are and showing them how interesting and exciting it is to learn more about them. Friendships and relationships take effort and spending time to engage in activities and conversations can be an avenue to learning everything we can about another person.

#26

My friend was a hip-hop dancer in his youth and won a lot of dance competitions before uni. Lesson learnt humble people never brag about themselves 😎.

SalletMoon Report

Final score:

77points

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JDartz 3 months ago

Raygun is that you?

24points

FarGazelle8339 , Vika Glitter/Pexels Report

#27

I'm 56 now but at some point in my early 40s while driving with my dad he says "you have a half brother somewhere".

Final score:

76points

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Montanavanna 3 months ago

I have heard this from my family. My dad was a trucker and quite the ladies man. About 3 years ago we met one of them after she decided to track down her birth parents, our dad with her birth mom. We also have another sister from Texas, allegedly. I am good with this, I just want to meet them.

28points

"Just remember people are expansive, multi-dimensional, and complex, even if not everyone presents this way," Rebekah added. "It is possible to have a close, genuine experience with a friend while also acknowledging the lines that separate their thoughts/beliefs, emotions, needs, experiences from your own."

"People often feel sharing secrets is a pathway to friendship intimacy, and it is important to remember that friendship intimacy can also be developed by sharing emotion-evoking experiences together, identifying and leaning into shared values, overcoming challenges, and engaging in new experiences together," the counselor shared.

#28

I’m still not 100% certain on this but I know something is there.

I have a friend who is really smart, in good shape, good looking and very personable. He’s always had one of those postures and builds like someone who has been in the military for a long time. I’ve known him for over 10 years, closer to 15 and I’ve never once heard him mention anything about the military, in fact he’s very against the military.

Every person we run into randomly who is in the military ALWAYS ask about his service to which he says he never served but would have loved to. He has one of those khaki colored baseball caps with an American flag Velcro patch in his room that looks like its been worn to s**t. He said a friend who did some tours in Iraq while wearing that gave it to him. He also has some challenge coins I’ve seen that he also said his friends have given him.

Thing its, we’re close, we have a tight knit group of friends and we never met any of these military friends. There is a period of his life before me and people in our group met him that seems unaccounted for, from like after highschool for like 10 years there aren’t any people who knew him then.

I have a very and I mean VERY high suspicion that he was involved in the military or maybe still is in some capacity that he either isn’t allowed to say or decided to forget about. He has a tattoo that was lasered off, he said it was a stupid tattoo of a cartoon named Battle Toads. That sounds believable but he has other tattoos that are also pretty silly that he has never removed, he even has a misspelled one. I recently found out that they call navy seals “frog men” – is it a coincidence that he had a tattoo of a “battle toad” removed?

I asked him about it once while drinking and he laughed and said he wishes he was that interesting. But there are SO MANY signs.. Also, dude is fearless and can diffuse any situation and eventually befriend even the scariest and meanest dudes.

Not sure what to make of it but I’m certain there’s some pretty cool story that can’t be talked about for whatever reason.

Edit: in my 40 years of living I just realized its “defuse” and not “diffuse” 🤯.

nicearthur32 Report

Final score:

76points

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C.O. Shea 3 months ago

Maybe he's a spy.

37points

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#29

Finding out she never really liked me. She would laugh with others about whatever I would tell her in confidence.

We had our first babies only a few months apart. Broke my heart more than any man could.

Ok_Priority_1120 Report

Final score:

74points

POST

Michelle C 3 months ago

💔

25points

bnetana1 , Kampus Production/Pexels Report

Dr. Friendly also pointed out that therapy can help with all of this. "Relationship therapy can help if there are specific things you want to work on within a friendship, but even individual therapy can help with your relationships, both with yourself and with others," she shared. "Therapy is a safe place to process shame, to unpack relationship patterns that aren't working for you and experiment with new ones, and to keep learning about yourself so that you can bring that new learning to your relationships with others."

And if you're looking for a therapist of your own, be sure to visit Zencare!

#30

They have a lisp. No bulls***ting I never noticed the lisp until my wife met him and pointed it out and bam I notice the lisp now. Son of a b***h slipped it by me.

Final score:

70points

POST

Jill Rhodry 3 months ago

🤣🤣🤣

30points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#31

I found out after years of friendship that my friend had been taking photos of me while I slept at sleepovers. Turns out they had an entire album titled "Dreaming" with pics of me in various sleep poses. (no longer friends with him).

CurvyCharmXO , Torsten Dettlaff/Pexels Report

Final score:

70points

POST

Shark Lady 3 months ago

That's so creepy, I hope they weren't posted online.

36points

#32

A childhood best friend of mine had a mother who constantly went on vacations alone to “Florida”- turns out she was actually in the psych ward.

lokeilou , Craig Adderley/Pexels Report

Final score:

69points

POST

Multa Nocte 3 months ago

That's sad that they felt they had to hide it.

48points

#33

I had a friend, who I had known quite closely for years. She had a plethora of aliments. Everything from Celiac disease to autism. I would also cater to her aliments. Making sure there was no gluten, making sure to take her to places where she wouldn’t get sensory overload. Not being offended if she wanted to go home early, or be left alone. Being a shoulder to cry on when she couldn’t get pregnant because of her PCOS (she claimed this), being patient with her ADHD. Turns out she was faking it all. Till this day I am not sure why she would do this. But I think it was a form of attention seeking and maybe narcissistic.

CopperHead49 , Pixabay/Pexels Report

Final score:

68points

POST

Anna Boes 3 months ago (edited)

Or, and hear me out - she might have had a mental health issue she struggled with, but couldn't find a label for. Finding people who are supportive of your needs makes you feel all special, that's where hypochondria and Münchhausen come from, but I also know from personal experience that I knew there was something 'wrong' with me and jumped at every label I could find that would explain at least anything about why I was so miserable - and 'incompetent' at being normal. It took me years to find out just WHAT is 'wrong'. Having all these other labels I operated under for a while got me enough support and slack to survive. That's not narcissism. It's just being helpless.

71points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#34

I recently discovered that a very good friend of mine who I've known for about 11 years had a security clearance several levels higher than POTUS. He retired from Sandia National Labs and prior to that was in the Navy working for the Department of Naval Intelligence. To clarify, I knew all of this I just had no idea to what extent.

ObjectReport Report

Final score:

65points

POST

Colleen Glim 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

77points

#35

Found out he can breakdance

Was a a squadron Christmas party (USAF) and one of my buddies is s**t faced drunk and pushes our commander off the dance floor and starts legit breakdancing on the floor, like the whole leg scoops, head spins, hand stands all that. And typically he’s just this slow moving barely animated character but he becomes a whole lot more lively after that alcohol hits.

zotonn Report

Final score:

62points

POST

Colleen Glim 3 months ago

Some people need alcohol just to cope with being around other people

44points

#36

I lived across the street from an older Israeli guy, very decent family person. It was only after knowing him for maybe 10 years he pointed out to me that half his right hand was missing, because a missile went through it when he was a navigator in an Israeli tank and removed 3 of his fingers. When I asked him if he knew who was shooting at him, he said "scrubjays, at that point there were so many people shooting at us it could have been anybody.".

scrubjays Report

Final score:

52points

POST

Huddo's sister 3 months ago

Not a secret, I just hadn't asked because it seemed rude and my parents didn't volunteer the information, but I didn't know until I was a teenager why my uncle was missing half the fingers on each hand. He had a schizophrenic break when he was in his 20s and poured petrol on himself and lit it on fire. He did it in front of his wife and kids, which is why they didn't live with him (another things I never asked about). I had known about his schizophrenia, because he was living in supported accommodation at time, just not about that incident.

33points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#37

I had a very close friend growing up from a big family. He was the oldest brother out of 6 kids. I never saw anything wrong but definitely remember some weird vibes during sleep overs. We lost contact after high school but during the pandemic reconnected. His family was having a bbq one day and I’m sitting with him in his car hanging out smoking and listening to music. One of his sisters came to the window and made a really overtly sexual joke to him and he looked over at me like he was seeing if I heard it. He said something like “you’re nasty get the f**k away from me” and she said “that never stopped you before”.

w4rlok94 , freestocks.org/Pexels Report

Final score:

50points

POST

Pamelot 3 months ago

I have questions.

32points

clumsy-bumblebee , Eva Rinaldi/Flickr Report

#38

That he's good friends with one of the band members from one direction. I was shocked until he pulled up some of their childhood pics together, they have been friends a long time.

Final score:

50points

POST

Tempest 3 months ago

The problem with this would be that the moment you mention that you know a celebrity personally, those around you would start pestering you to get an autograph from them or even have you set up a meet up with them. So it’s understandable to keep such a connection low profile.

36points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#39

I found out at her funeral (When I was in my late 40s) that my grandmother worked on the Manhattan Project as one of General Leslie Groves secretaries (what we would call an administrative assistant today) at Los Alamos and, before that, as a human calculator.

Its been almost 10 years, and I'm still pissed at her because I'm a huge WWII guy, and she straight up lied to me when I asked her what she did during the war when I was a kid (she said she worked in a hospital - which made sense because her first husband was a doctor).

(Technically, she was my step-grandmother, but she married my grandfather long before I was born, and my bio-grandmother died when my dad was a teen).

seaburno Report

Final score:

47points

POST

Lyone Fein 3 months ago

Don't know why the OP should be angry. Grandma was working on a top secret project. Unless the grandchild had security clearance, she was correct in not telling the truth.

61points

#40

My multi year fwb and I had many deep conversations and I thought I knew her pretty well, so when I found out she was a married politician from a neighboring state I was surprised.

upornicorn , Scott Webb/Pexels Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Anna Boes 3 months ago (edited)

What's fwb?

13points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#41

Not exactly a secret as something not shared but twice now I've learned a male friend I assumed was straight was bisexual. Both cases I went "oh cool, that's new info" and never brought it up again. Men tend to not talk about relationships at all unless asked to.

dishonourableaccount , Anete Lusina/Pexels Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Lee Banks 3 months ago

A good buddy of twenty years came out a few months ago. Dudiest dude's dude you could ever dude. He'd been with the same woman since we met, so never any need to talk about dating. My boyfriend's reaction: "We still talk cars and baseball?" My buddy's response: " Yeah, but now I get a pass to call your girlfriend a b***h." It was so wholesome.

9points

AcademicCollection56 Report

#42

That my mom had a one night hook up with James Brown and kept her receipts to prove it.

Final score:

43points

POST

Bartlet for World Domination 3 months ago

The receipts part makes me wonder if it was his body, not his soul James Brown was selling :)

20points

#43

Close friend had her marriage end when she was caught having an (online) affair. I was supportive without being judgemental. I don't know the full picture and both parties have a lot going on and are a handful. I very recently found out that the person she had an affair with was almost certainly (though not 100% sure) a minor at the time. It was online so whether or not she knew is up for debate...but the more I think about it the more I doubt every single thing she says now.

NorthBoralia Report

Final score:

39points

POST

tw 72 3 months ago

ick

16points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#44

One of my best friends faked an olive allergy for about 15 years. Someone exposed him at his bday and he started panicking and yelling about blowing is cover of just not liking them olives. We all just laughed at him and I was gonna use that against him as long as I could. That was end of May. He passed away suddenly two weeks ago, so didn’t get to use against him much….

johnnykalikimaka , Polina Tankilevitch/Pexels Report

Final score:

36points

POST

Jeremy James 3 months ago

Every year on my birthday, I would try an olive to see if I liked them yet, and every year I would say, "Nope, still gross." Then, one year, it finally clicked. Now I love them.

45points

#45

That he killed someone driving while drunk. It happened in another state ( I'm in the U.S.). His lawyer kept getting the case postponed and eventually he stopped getting updates by phone or mail. When he finally called his lawyer he was told to forget it ever happened and was sent a bill from the lawyer. My former friend has since passed away.

tonyhott Report

Final score:

36points

POST

panther 3 months ago

That's why people hate lawyers.

35points

rockmetmind , Milbert Sambile/Pexels Report

#46

That he couldn't hold a conversation about something he wasn't personally interested in. He'd just nod his head and wait to change the subject.

Final score:

35points

POST

Michael Joyce 3 months ago

ADHD too. "Oh, that's just like when.... Oh no, I'm going to forget it... Oh .... " then interrupt and look like a d**k.

34points

#47

I found out after years of being friends with Chris that he used to be married. We were just having a casual conversation over coffee when he mentioned something about his "ex-wife." I was so shocked that I almost spilled my drink. I had no idea he had ever been married, let alone gone through a divorce. He told me that he got married young, and they ended up splitting amicably, but he never really talked about it because it wasn't a part of his life he felt defined him anymore. It was such a surprise because he’s always been so private, and I realized there were whole parts of his life I didn’t know about.

SweetAss26 Report

Final score:

34points

POST

Jenna Kay 3 months ago

I don't often talk about my ex either, and most people just assume my daughter is from my current marriage. She has never called my husband her stepfather, he doesn't call her his stepdaughter, and my children don't refer to each other as half siblings. We are just a family..

18points

#48

I found out that one of my best friends from age of 5 until I was in my 30's, was a lesbian, on Facebook, when she posted video of her wedding.

She was in my wedding as a bridesmaid.

She was always a private person, but that really threw me. I felt like I wasn't a good enough friend to tell. It really put a rift into our relationship and it hasn't been the same for many years now.

gogomom Report

Final score:

31points

POST

iseefractals 3 months ago

First, just because she married a woman doesn't mean she's a lesbian, could just be bi and happened to fall for a woman. Second, it absolutely does not matter! Despite what the past 15 years have tried to convince everyone of, Race/gender/sexual orientation are the least interesting and least important aspects of anyone. These things say nothing about who a person is, only what they happen to be....and those who make their entire personality about their identifiers are exhausting and insufferable.

43points

#49

After several years, I found out he was from Texas, a vegan, and did cross-fit. Never had a clue.

bingboy23 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Colleen Glim 3 months ago

From Texas, ok whatever. How did you not know he was vegan and did CrossFit?!

28points

#50

His middle name was Moreen.

I_Am_Terry , Elle Hughes/Pexels Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Tim Gibbs 3 months ago

Don’t forget John Wayne real name was Marion

28points

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

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What do you think ?

POST

Lyone Fein 3 months ago

Just because someone doesn't share information about themselves that doesn't necessarily make it a secret. It just may not come up in conversation. I currently live in a small town where noone knows that I had a career as a singer and actress when I was younger. It just doesn't come up. But it's not a secret per se.

23points

Jessica SpeLangm 3 months ago

OR it's something that person doesn't want to share.

7points

Brian Hawley 3 months ago

A dentist in our town was arrested for selling d***s. I’d known the guy for years. Never dreamed he was a dentist.

17points

Julie S 3 months ago

🤣

7points

Liz The Biz 3 months ago

My grandad (my dad's dad) passed away before I was born. My dad rarely spoke of him, not because he was abusive or anything, but just because my dad was of the generation who didn't talk about their past. I found out that during WWII, my grandad was in the Royal Army Service Corps Film & Photographic Unit. He filmed and photographed many well known people including Winston Churchill and Field Marshall Montgomery. He was part of the liberation team at Belsen and did much of the filming there too. Every time I see a documentary with footage from the war, or if I see any photos in a museum I wonder if they were taken by my grandad.

11points

Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 3 months ago

That's a neat legacy.

6points

John Nelson 3 months ago

Worked for a charity for a few years in an office building we shared with another agency. Talked with one of the ladies from the other agency quite often, got to be office friends in a way. Found out after a couple years that she used to be Tinkerbell at Disney World!

6points

Zoe's Mom 3 months ago

A friend of 6 years passed away last year. (2023) While cleaning out her home, found out she was gay and had many health issues. I don't know why she felt she couldn't tell me she was gay when she knew I was friends with a lesbian couple. It kind of hurt that she didn't tell me but she had her reasons. I have her dog and still miss her terribly.

4points

Amy S 3 months ago (edited)

I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know you or your friend but she may not have felt like she couldn't tell you, she might not have felt like she needed to tell you because it did not defined her. I'm attracted to both men and women but there are plenty of people who don't know because it doesn't come up in conversation. To me it's as important as what pizza toppings I prefer. I guess people assume I'm straight but that really shouldn't be our default assumption.

2points

Beak Hookage 3 months ago

Not really a secret, but it wasn't until after he died suddenly in an accident that I found out a friend I'd known since childhood had been heavily involved in the local filmmaking scene and worked on the sets of dozens of movies. His movie buddies showed up to the funeral and I'd never met them before. For some reason he just never really talked about it; I only remember him mentioning it once when he had to leave a social gathering early to be on set for a night shoot.

2points

Magenta Blu 3 months ago

I don't have friends. I got tired of pretending to bond with someone only for discovering that bond means nothing for people. All of them were very happy to be around me when I had something to give, money to pay for amenities, or a car to drive them where they need. But when c.rap happened in my life i realized everyone suddenly was very busy or sick or something. So i discovered friendship is only a fantasy like unicorns and fairies, good for fiction, but simply not real.

1point

Sheena Leversedge Wood 3 months ago

not really a secret, and definitely not on this scale, but I recently found out a friend of mine for over half my life who is squeamish about horror films is fascinated by true crime documentaries. that threw me a bit. fake violence. freaks out. real violence, ooooh, interesting. tell me more.

0points

Joanne Hudson 3 months ago

After our class reunion I was asking why Jackie didn't come? Nicest guy; transferred in from Catholic school to centralized HS. Seems Jackie was killed in prison - in the state I lived in all the way across the country. He was psychopath and had killed to get in prison. My maternal grandmother's fiance was murdered. When I asked mom about it she just said she didn't know anything. Grandpa was janitor in a large church. One day when mom dropped me off to go home with him for a sleepover, he was killing it on the gigantic pipe organ. I was only 6 so I didn't know I needed to know. I was in my 30s when I learned I had a very high IQ. I asked mom why she never told me and she said she didn't want me to get a swelled head. I thought I was dumb. I was different than the other kids. She kept me isolated and I never met other kids until I went to school and I never learned how to play. My entire existence appears to be secret from me. I have "bookmarks" but now everyone is dead.

0points

Littlemiss 3 months ago

Discovered a teacher at my high school was a pdf, into animals and was torturing both his wife and ex wife at the same time. He was well liked and known for being the coolest teacher. The only reason he was discovered was because he turned himself in to the police. It was also rumored he had molested multiple students as well at the school.

0points

POST

Lyone Fein 3 months ago

23points

Jessica SpeLangm 3 months ago

OR it's something that person doesn't want to share.

7points

Brian Hawley 3 months ago

A dentist in our town was arrested for selling d***s. I’d known the guy for years. Never dreamed he was a dentist.

17points

Julie S 3 months ago

🤣

7points

Liz The Biz 3 months ago

11points

Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 3 months ago

That's a neat legacy.

6points

John Nelson 3 months ago

6points

Zoe's Mom 3 months ago

4points

Amy S 3 months ago (edited)

2points