The worst part was the occasional out-of-the-blue feeling of "I should go see my dad. I haven't seen him in a while." and then realizing that I simply can't. It's no longer an option.

I am 40, I cannot remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I have spent so much time in bed, hiding from the world.

I found out my so called best friend was stealing money from me and like had hundreds of pictures of underage girls on his computer. I noped out were done in a heartbeat.

Or non-nefarious such as becoming an actor, model, musician and having the astonishingly good fortune of becoming rich and famous.Or rich and famous for nothing. Looking at you KUWTK. Although, they were already wealthy.

This one hurt so bad. But, as Lizzo said, Truth Hurts.

Yep. Yep yep yep yep yep. YEP!

I once talked myself out of a bad time by realising I do not want to die before my parents, unfortunately, the dark thoughts come along and, in the worst instances, fantasised about my parents dying just so I could die.

This post and comments, it hurts my heart. I don't know if anything I write will help and I you don't know me, but... you matter. I would like to see you live for you, not out of any obligation to anyone. I know it is not that simple that a stranger saying these things will magically change everything, but hopefully it will give you a little spark of hope.

I'm only here because of my kids. If I didn't know firsthand how painful it is to lose someone to suicide, I'd be gone. Unfortunately, I do know & I just can't put them through that.

There have been lots of times I felt my life was going no where and there was no point to going on. But my parents would be devastated if they lost me; my dad especially

This is funny to me. Not funny, like haha you wanna die funny. More like, hey, i get that joke kinda funny. I often think that the reason I'm still around is that life insurance is too damn expensive. I just need to get my kids settled. Then, the rest is irrelevant.

i was in a similar position, years ago. It got much better and I nowadays can enjoy live. Having a dog really helps - they bring so much joy into your life.

During a very dark time last year I realized that if I was gone, nobody would care for my dog. I didn't trust my husband, and because of her issues, if she was surrendered, she'd be put down and she deserves so much better than that after all she did for me. She's why I'm still here but I'm finding my own reasons to live now. If I were to kill myself, I'd leave a note blaming everyone involved, including my family. They shouldn't get off easy over how they've made me feel for decades, I'll repay that with a lifetime of guilt.

Ya I hate this feeling .. I’ll be a horrible evil selfish monster if I end my life but why doesn’t it work the other way ? Why aren’t the people forcing me to stay alive the horrible evil selfish monsters for wanting me to continue to suffer ? I frigging hate feeling obligated like this it makes me so angry

Same

I felt this

That's exactly my situation

I am like this as well.

Same. I find no joy in life, it only gets better when I'm burying myself into my many hobbies, so I spend my life finding ways to escape from life. I'm only holding on for my mum. She lost my father when I was 2, she would be devastated if she lost me, too, specially since we are super close. Also for my dog and plants. But honestly, I have no idea how my the rest of my life is gonna look. I'm only 26 but I have zero interest in relationships and kids, and I don't have friends (by choice) so I don't know where I'm going with life at all. When I think about the future, I only see the endless "when is this gonna end" feeling.

But you can get better. And you can have a fulfilled and happy life. Don't give up on that!

Depression is caused by looking within yourself too much. Do the following. (1). Practice mindfulness or clearing your mind of thoughts. (2). Join a charity. (3). Overcome social phobia. Deliberately walk slowly through busy places and face your fear of people. (Yes, that is the cause). Source: me, a suicide survivor.

This is a huge fear. People just don't want to get involved.

The worse part: you have to live within the algorithms set by their crazy.

This should not be a depressing truth. It may be revelatory, but if it's depressing, you may have had an unreasonable perception of self to start.

Ngl I can't even rely on myself

You are not alone in this. Make as much of your present life as you can! Do what you love most as frequently as possible, be it walking in nature, reading, chatting with friends, etc. Childhood is generally out of our control, but independent life is up to us.

Yep. My best friend of several decades recently dropped me and I have no idea why.

I'm 54 and still fight the demons from being abused as a child.

No, it's not. But I've no idea how the picture is related.

Dying is expensive too. I don't need a funeral, just throw me in the trash.

I actually like being single.

A sick mind cannot heal itself. Sometimes we need help from someone else. I've learned so much from therapy, and I've needed it at different times in my life, for different reasons. It was always helpful, and never a waste.

I heard the first part from ST:TNG "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”

Yeah. And while love can be brought back it takes that both are willing to really work for it. You can't bring life to a dead relationship on your own.

I will never stop missing my grandparents!

You can do yourself a favor by seeing a doctor. Antidepressants literally saved my life. I went on and off them when I was younger, but at this point, it’s not worth it to me to go off them.

That’s not true! I have the little voice in my head to keep me company!!

I don't like when people say 'never get old'. I don't have a choice. You can't stop it. You gotta learn to appreciate it. I've learned to appreciate my age. I'm 36, and while my back hurts in the morning, I am so much more comfortable with myself than when I was younger. I continue to become happier with who I am, and care less about the little things. While sometimes it does upset me, I try to remember that as I get older, the less F**KS I will give!

Sounds like depression to me.

Same here. Not being financially successful is a stressful burden. I make enough to get by, but a broken wrist, appendicitis, or a heart attack would financially sink me.

Chronic illness and Injuries can happen and they don’t pick convenient moments to dump on you. I just try to make the best of what I have

..that one day you may be the only one alive of all your friends and family.

Working at a desk, literally being tethered to a computer and phone, I feel like a zombie, a shell of my body, and all the torment I've endured over the years has left me numb and I can't even muster to do anything about it.

Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder. I struggle with this too.

F**k that. I refuse to let anyone abuse my children. At the cost to my own life I will go down fighting to keep my children safe .

Having high IQ and being very smart will not make you happy, in fact you will be very very lonely...trust me on this.

This is something I need to work on. I have too much "stuff", and I really don't think there's a lot that my kids will want. Some family stuff that I have should be packed up & given to my younger siblings, but most of it can be sold or donated.

No , my mother and husband loved me unconditionally. But they're gone

That is a very strong realization and awareness. Very first step to solving a problem is admitting/recognizing that there is one. What you do with that is up to you

I believe there will be family and friends waiting on the other side.