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Never The Same: 45 Of The Darkest Family Secrets These People Found Out
Interview
Every single person and every family has secrets. It’s inevitable. However, not all secrets are alike. Some of them are simple and straightforward, like who stole the pie while it was cooling on the windowsill. Others are deep and foreboding. The kind of stuff that can cause nightmares or even wreck entire families if the truth got out.
Redditor u/EgglessYolk ignited a very serious discussion on the internet after asking everyone to spill the tea about the family secrets that they only found out once they grew up. Scroll down for a big dose of reality and just how dark things can get when everyone finally decides to be honest about their family history.
We reached out to the author of the viral thread, Reddit user u/EgglessYolk, who was kind enough to share their thoughts on family secrets and how transparent relatives should be about them. You'll find Bored Panda's full interview the the OP as you scroll down.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When i was a kid in the mid 80s my uncle got some serious braces and had to drink liquids only for a whilr
Only when I got older did I learn that he'd actually had his jaw wired after being tortured for information... had a gun put in the mouth and eventually his jaw shattered because he wasn't talking...
...He wasn't talking cos he didn't know anything.
Thank god northern ireland has moved on from those days.
John Carr 2 years ago
Quite common when trying to find snitches. Or if you were a dealer (or suspected) you might get kneecapped (bullet or drill into the back of the knee). Both sides in the Troubles and the "law" were absolute scumbags back then.
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Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
Thanks to the unique way The Troubles were in part funded and armed by U.S. citizens. Money and arms from the U.S. made it possible for both sides (although mostly the I.R.A. / P.I.R.A.) to wage a war that had no impact on those funding it. The losses were all felt across Eire / Ireland and Northern Ireland and through into the United Kingdom. Well done America.
Eastendbird 2 years ago
https://www.irishcentral.com/roots/history/gene-kelly-donate-ira Including, according to rumours, Gene Kelly. I should add that his wife later denied this happened.
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Rebecca McManus 2 years ago
Have a friend who left NI in the 90s, he was gay and had to leave before they kneecapped him, or worse.
Bored Panda was curious to get the thread author's thoughts on why the question they posed started such a massive discussion on Reddit. They were happy to share their take on why the topic resonated with so many online readers, pointing out that it's a relatable question.
"Reddit is quite a platform, covering all sorts of topics with people sharing their weird stories. In my own family, there are some secrets and drama, but nothing too outlandish," the OP opened up to us about the inspiration behind the question.
"I decided to ask Reddit about darker family secrets to see what would come up, and surprisingly, it gained a lot more attention than I anticipated!" they said.
RELATED:
#2
Y’all’s stories are WILD! Mine is super tame:
When I was in my early 20s, I found an old photo of someone in a family album I didn’t recognize. When I asked my mom about it, she said, “Oh that’s your aunt Gloria.” Then she lowered her voice (even though we were alone) and added, “she’s a *NUDIST*.” Poor aunt Gloria, just wants to be a nudy-lady and everyone acts like she’s a leper.
Gabby M 2 years ago
Hopefully in upstate Florida, cuz in upstate NY Aunt Gloria might want to rethink the nude thing lol.
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LooseSeal's $10 Banana 2 years ago
To be fair, it did get awkward when she would reach across the Thanksgiving table.
InvisibleQuokka 2 years ago
Why you think that bout nude cause your view’s so rude think outside the box then you’ll like it
Stewart Lowrie 2 years ago
Gloria Gloria, I think I got your number, calling Gloria. Bless her
#3
I found out when I was in my early 30's that my mom hadn't only had 4 kids, but actually 6 but gave 2 up for adoption before I was born. Also, i was the last baby she had with some rando before she married my stepdad and she had intended to give me up for adoption, as well.
Silver lining? One of the babies she gave up contacted her a few years after I learned about this and now I have an awesome new brother!
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Sometimes birth control fails. Sometimes pregnancies are planned but relationships fall apart. Sometimes sex isn’t consensual. Sometimes life just happens. I’m glad that your own sex life has been without any issues but not everyone is so fortunate.
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Mikey Kliss 2 years ago
My Grandma had 12 kids with 7 different guys and only married 3 of them. She gave up 2 of those kids to her siblings. One was raised with my mom and her siblings knowing that she was part of that family but being taken care of by her aunt. The other had no idea until he was in his adulthood
We also asked the redditor how open families ought to be about their secrets, and how old someone ought to be to hear the real truth about their relatives.
"I reckon families should be quite open about their history. Sooner or later, those holes in the made-up stories meant to avoid the real secrets start to show," the author of the post, Reddit user u/EgglessYolk, told us.
"Especially when someone hits their twenties—that's when things start to click as you become more of an adult."
#4
Circa 1994 My dad died(32) on Christmas Day. Instead of his family consoling my now single mother of 2, they decided it would be more appropriate to use their spare key to enter our house and clean out all his belongings while we were picking out a tombstone. All his tools, clothes, pictures (he was a model).
Thennnnn grandpa on dads side takes my mom to court while she’s mourning to try to prevent her from using his life insurance to raise us ( sister and I were 5 and 6 at the time). He wanted all the money to be set aside until we were 18. Judge pretty much threw his case out. Needless to say, my mom distanced herself from his side I don’t speak with them either. Found this out when I was like 20.
B-b-bird 2 years ago
omg, this! relatives/uncles/aunts/cousins entering house to take possessions of deceased is soooo common that it's just frightening. People are entitled and f up big time. I am pretty sure that would something happen to me or my parents, my aunts would be at my doorstep with a spare key same day.
ILoveMySon 2 years ago
You are correct. I witnessed horrendous behavior in my family. My will states all belongings are bequeathed to my son. What he doesn't want will be donated to women's shelters.
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diana king 2 years ago
I've been through this exact same thing. Except I wound up with nothing because I couldn't afford a lawyer (I was a housewife, though we weren't legally married, we were together 11 years). But it was totally unexpected and while he laid in a hospital, in a coma, with me refusing to leave, his family helped themselves to all of our belongings.
ILoveMySon 2 years ago
This is heartbreaking. I wish you well, fellow panda.
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Montanavanna 2 years ago
My friends boyfriend had an impressive collection of guns. He always said if anything ever happened to him she could sell them. Well something did happen to him and his family promptly came and retrieved said guns. Even tried to take a couple of hers in the process. His family did this even knowing that he wanted her to have the guns.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
And this is why you need to leave a will. Even if you're young, cos you never know when an accident might happen.
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VioletHunter 2 years ago
Seems like they had never accepted the mother as choice of partner for the father.
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#5
WHY THE NEIGHBORS MOVED: I was pretty young when this happened so the details won’t be perfect, but the story is otherwise true. I grew up in a coastal town and we had some neighbors whom I really liked. My parents were friends with them, their kids were roughly my age. Wonderful! We played together all the time. One day they very suddenly moved. I was a bit confused as there had been no clue that they were going. I remember some police cars and the moving vans weeks later, but that was it. My mother told me that the kids grandmother had become very ill ( the cops came to tell the family) and they left emergently to care for her and never came back. I was only about 5….. seemed legit. Many years later, as an adult, and long since moved away from that area… my parents and I were reminiscing over our old home. I mentioned that I wondered what ever happened to them. That’s when my mom told me the truth. The parents had gone out that night on a date and left the kids with a 14 yr old babysitter. When they returned home they found the sitter dead. Someone had broken into the home. My mom stated the cops think the sitter pretended to be the only one home to protect the kids. When the parents got home they checked the kids were safe and set them back to sleep. The police obviously immediately came. Once the kids were hard asleep the parents picked them up, put blankets over their heads, asked the cops to be silent as they walked them out, and took them out of the house. They gave the kids the same story my parents told me. Gramma was sick and they were going to live with her. Gramma dutifully played along with the ruse for several weeks until the parents could find a new home to live in. The kids were kept unaware of what had happened just mere feet from them as they didn’t want the kids to be forever terrified of it happening again. Not sure if the kids ever eventually figured out the truth of that one.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
Holy hell. The babysitter, what an incredible girl! Just a child herself (only 14 years old!) but she managed to save 2 little kids' lives... Rest in peace, brave soul...
Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
I can’t imagine how scared she must have been but so brave.
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Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
That babysitter. Wow. Im speechless. May she find eternal peace and happiness, such an angel
SmooshieFries 2 years ago
Wow. I just looked up the article and he was JUST FINALLY put to death in June of this year. He brutally killed Karen Slattery and a 38 yr old single mom then raped them which makes him an even worse monster or a sicker monster. As bad as their deaths were, the teeney tiny silver lining was they did not have to endure the rape first.
Hakitosama 2 years ago
Not all heroes wear capes.... Some are just very brave scared teenagers
#6
I knew my grandfather was a coal miner, and that he was really involved with the Union, but it wasn't til after he died that I found out just how much of a Union Man he was... if something needed blowing up or someone needed to not be breathing anymore, they called Gramps.
After he died, my brother remembers some men coming to visit Gran and giving her a lot of envelopes. She took off for a yearlong vacation in Europe after that.
Edit: for all the people saying my Gramps was a great man, thank you for the kind thoughts, but seeing something you think is cool on reddit is not the reality. He wasn't a good husband and he wasn't a great father to 3 of his daughters, although he loved my Momma very much, as well as me and my brothers and cousins.
Being a violent person for good reasons does not make you a good person. It just makes you a means to an end.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Who the hell assumed, based on this, that the grandfather must have been a great man? All we know is that he was a union-affiliated murderer. What am I missing?
DC 2 years ago
... unions even being involved in any violence is strange to me. I know the US are different on many takes and gives, but ... my Dad was a Union Man, too, and this just resulted in endless debatery prior to elections and negotiations, a huge waste of paper and ink, and some arguments with a guy he called "Mein Chef" (translates to "my Boss", the word "Chef" means that in german - nothing to do with cookery whatsoever) who was blatantly stupid and led me to believe for a few years that "Chef" - or "Boss" - didn't mean supervisor, superior or any of that, but "stupid coworker that likes to scream". Because, that, he was. Kind of ... coworkers work along with you, while he ... did ... the least, the best. I know his hiring process as well, and, basically, what qualified him is saying "I'll do that and am willing to move!".
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Lost Penny 2 years ago
Wonder if he died on his own or if somebody else got another Union involved.
Bored Potato 2 years ago
This reminds me: I recently found out that three of my grandparents AND my great-grandfather are still active members of the Chinese Communist Party. My great-grandfather is 96. Btw one of my grandmothers was busy raising my mom so she said hell no. Such a badass
LastButNotLeast 2 years ago
I'm Italian, mafia Is a s**t Mountain. I Wish they could all die in prison.
René Sauer 2 years ago
"if someone needed to not be breathing anymore." so grandpa was a killer?
Hakitosama 2 years ago
My Gramps was in the legionary in Africa.... His comrades remembered him as "the mad". I ever knew him as a round jolly old man and never realized before well into adulthood what monster was sitting me on his shoulders....
Meanwhile, the author also revealed their thoughts on transparency as a whole, and shared whether there are any family secrets that ought to remain, well, secret.
"To be honest, I don't think so," they explained that they're 100% set on transparency.
"I believe that all family secrets should see the light of day at some point, at least within the family circle. Of course, there might be some you wouldn't want outsiders prying into, but within the family, it's essential to eventually share them," they told Bored Panda.
"Over time, they can even turn into interesting stories for people to tell—you know, like on a Reddit thread or something."
#7
My uncle was actually my cousin. He was kidnapped as an infant and when he was returned a year later, my aunt didn't want him back. My grandparents adopted him so he was legally my uncle.
Sue Denham 2 years ago
And no-one really talks to your aunt anymore? I hope there's some kind of reason behind her not wanting her child back.
Boo-Urns 2 years ago
While it sounds awful on the surface, I can't even imagine dealing with having your infant kidnapped and not recovered for a year... that poor woman spent a whole year assuming her baby was gone forever and learning how to live with that, only for him to suddenly return. I think it's unfair to judge her for her decision without knowing anything about her, or her mental / emotional state during that time.
Jane Doe 2 years ago
Commented the same thing. She just would not risk further trauma. Chose to pretend she didn’t have a kid.
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#8
Found out my Dad's mom was a lesbian and that my "Godmother" who lived with both my Grandfather and Grandmother was actually her lover. They slept in the same bed while my Grandfather had his own room. Growing up I had no idea, but as I got older I pieced it together... But I loved them all and still do (RIP).
Claire Bailey 2 years ago
That's actually really sweet. They all loved each other enough to let them be themselves and live a good life together.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Or the grandfather entered a marriage in good faith, but instead spent most of his life in sad misery. Less sweet.
Load More Replies... Claire Bailey 2 years ago
He may have not been into the ladies and needed a cover himself.
Load More Replies... Christos Arvanitis 2 years ago (edited)
My middle sister's godmother was a closeted lesbian. Showered my mother with gifts and trips. My older sister and I saw this clearly but my mother and middle sister denied it. The godmother was nasty to me, my older sister and especially my father. She even wrote me letters in college saying that my dad was horrible (he wasn't. probably the kindest man I've ever known) and that my mother should leave him. She didn't thankfully.
Sunshine Lady 2 years ago
That's kind of creepy if I understand everything correctly.
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anarkzie 2 years ago
That sounds like a really sad life for him, putting the lgbt aspect to the side, your partner and their lover having their own room in your family home while you sleep alone every night is heartbreaking. I really hope he was happy and not just from a time when divorce was big deal or that he was not just going along with this arrangement to keep her happy, maybe hoping that she would love him again one day.
DC 2 years ago
This isn't that far off. I have a friend who's a lesbian, and her parents are the very definition of conservative. She's in her mid thirties now and still, they don't know. Her Grandparents knew, and she suspected her Grandmother of being lesbian, too, but this never was resolved while she was alive, and later on, ... I don't know if they found anything after she died. Anyway, we had seriously talked about her marrying me, and us taking in her girlfriend, but came to the conclusion that, at that moment, it didn't make much sense, financially, and let go of the idea. She moved in with her "former coworker who needed a home". Of course, they have two bedrooms ... one to sleep, and one to ... let's say play.
GenericSodaPop 2 years ago
from a disapproving society back then, that's actually really smart.
Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago
As long as she had a few kids for him, he was cool with the lover? Interesting 🆒🤔
#9
That my grandma didn't lose her leg to cancer, she lost it because she got injured helping my grandpa fix the roof, and my grandpa was too cheap to have it fixed properly so he told the doctor to cut it off.
DC 2 years ago
A piece of c**p husband! I wonder why she hadn't cut off parts of him, respevtively. A leg for a leg, a ... she doesn't even have that kind of equipment, but off of him with it, too!
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Cammy Mack 2 years ago
He also invented copper wire by refusing to let go of one side of a penny his wife was holding.
Lexekon 2 years ago
Feels incomplete with context, but let's see if we can reconstruct. Time period was 1936, based on a reference provided below, they did not have enough money to have the roof fixed by professionals. 'Too cheap', lets flip that to more relatable verbage... 7 years after the great depression started, and medicine was also pay-to-play back then. (No money, no healthcare, door is behind you) (EMTALA was not passed till 1986, so emergency rooms were NOT required to treat people who could not pay) I think BOTH grandparents were miserable about this situation, Grandma did not suffer alone here.
FeelingFrisky 2 years ago
Yes. They simply did not have money. How horrible for them both.
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Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 years ago
If they live in America. It was more than likely didn't have the money to fix it. Remember kids, health care is only for rich people... unless you live anywhere else in the world then you can have it too.
How open family members ought to be about secrets depends on a couple of things. First of all, you have to take into account whether the secret affects just you as an individual or the entire family as a whole. And secondly, it’s important to keep in mind the scope of the secret and the possible fallout from telling everyone about them.
For instance, if something tragic happened to a relative, it might be wise to keep the information under wraps, within a small group of people. Sharing something traumatic with a child may give them nightmares, especially if they don’t have the capacity to process the information (yet). So it may be wise to wait until everyone’s grown up until they’re told what happened to a beloved relative.
Meanwhile, keep in mind that secrecy and privacy are two very different things. Just because you’re close to someone does not mean that you have to tell them about every tiny little thing and thought that pops into your head. It’s fine to keep some things to yourself. Living with 100% honesty would be exhausting and might make people think that you have no filter or may be too blunt.
#10
My parents took me to Disneyland for my 7th birthday. I recall landing, going to the park, having a great first day or two. Then my parents had to step out and take a bunch of phone calls. They sounded very stressed. They kept telling me nothing happened and everything was okay. Eventually we flew home, and surprise!! Took an extra couple days to go to a big Waterpark away from home. I fondly remembered this birthday and eventually forgot about any of the weirdness. Maybe 10 years later my parents finally told me what happened. My uncle, my dad's brother, tried to k**l himself on my 7th birthday. He was poor, addicted to drugs, no work, etc. He felt depressed my dad had the life he always wanted. He ended up living. My parents took me to the Waterpark so that we didn't have to come home to him leaving the hospital. By not telling me, my parents let me keep my birthday as my day, not the day uncle tried to die. Knowing how a 7 year olds brain works, I probably would've thought I had something to do with it.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
I wonder if the date of the uncle's suicide attempt was purely coincidental or if he was actually planning on doing it on the kid's birthday because he resented his brother so much.
Hooked 2 years ago
People who go down the black hole of suicide, usually don't consider these facts when they attempt to take their life. But in this case, maybe it was.
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SincerelyMeesh 2 years ago
my grandma died on my 21st birthday. My parents had planned this big bbq in our backyard with all my friends and neighbors. She had been sick for a while and most of her care fell to me as I worked across the street from her care home. My dad was kind of quiet all day but he wasn't really a social person so I just attributed it to the party. A few years later I mentioned the date (I believed) my grandmother died and my mom said "no um....thats not correct...she died XX day, but we waited a month to tell you so she didn't steal another day from you. She had made a previous birthday all about her by decided to get her ears repierced and it taking 3 hours so i spent a birthday on the floor of a clairs entertaining myself. Oh to top it all off, we had a wake for her a few months "after she died" and my mom had managed to tell my whole family to follow the lie. literally no one correct me all day.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago (edited)
Maybe it's because of my family history, but I've never believed in shielding kids/anyone in situations like this. On my friend's 12th birthday her grandma died. We arrived for the party and our parents were informed what happened and that we didn't have to stay. The majority of us stayed and comforted our friend that day, and tried to still give her some joy in the otherwise horrible day. I though it was a good way to handle it and my friend appreciated it. We all learned a lesson about life that day.
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I just work here 2 years ago
This one feels judgmental and life is hard for all of us. Let's support each other.
#11
My relatives were a wealthy, childless couple in Chicago. Their housekeeper, who had a baby, took ill and was hospitalized. The couple took the baby to California and raised her as their own. This baby (Marie) grew up without siblings, as my grandmother’s cousin. Marie discovered the truth as an adult, by accident. Even though this kidnapping happened over 100 years ago, I always wondered what became of that poor woman who was released from the hospital to find her baby had been kidnapped by her employers. I have a set of china dishes from Marie that I use at Thanksgiving, every year. Wild story.
#12
When my grandma's gentleman friend was admitted into a care home for his dementia they had a problem in verifying his medical records. As he deteriorated he lost his Irish accent and would occasionally speak in German. He was a child during WW2.
My Parents reckon he was probably a Jewish escapee
Amy Burke 2 years ago
If they had difficulty identifying him he could've been any age in WW2. There were a-lot of missing gastapo after the war, with may of them fleeing punishment for their crimes against the jews. Many were never found ....
Amy Burke 2 years ago
I think it's more likely he was a close relative of a high ranking member of the Nazis or even one of those missing
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Max Fox 2 years ago
More likely a German escapee. If he was Jewish he would have looked for family. A German kid who ran away would have far more reason to stay away.
However, if the information affects the people closest to you, it might be a good idea to spill the beans. After all, deep relationships require trust, respect, and transparency. If you’re being secretive, your feelings should give you a heads up about it: you might feel guilty or ashamed. On the flip side, if something’s merely a private issue, you won’t feel bad about withholding that information. There’s nothing wrong with having at least some privacy in your life, no matter how much you might love your family.
When uncomfortable secrets come out, they might shock everyone. What’s important is that you embrace whatever feelings you have, instead of shying away from them or repressing them. All emotions are valid, and it’s vital that you allow yourself to feel what you feel.
“You might feel discomfort, disgust, anger, pain, denial, rejection, grief, apathy … maybe even excitement. It’s all normal, and you have permission to fall anywhere along that full range of human emotion. In fact, you might not even be able to put your finger on how you feel,” ‘Focus on the Family’ explains.
#13
My dad secretly had a vasectomy after I was born, after my mom lying to him about taking birth control resulted in my birth.
Our family is GREAT at communication and conflict resolution.
Donna Peluda 2 years ago
My ex SIL did that to her husband. She had worked at as an accounted before having her first child and they had planned for her to go back after a year. After year surprise another girl, wasn't that bad because they had a 2 bedroom, and the girls could share a room. They agree that after a year she goes back to work. The company she worked for offered her half days and remote working, but she kept stalling. A bout 18 months after the second child was born, she was pregnant again, not only had she stopped taking birth control without telling her husband, but she had bought pee sticks to know when she was ovulating behind his back. My Ex let it slip one night we were talking about the BIL, that’s how I found out. The truth was she didn’t want to go back to work and rather keep having kids. My BIL was devastated because the new baby boy meant he had to find a bigger place to live. He was already struggling to make ends meet doubling shifts and taking on extra work.
Trish Christoffersen 2 years ago
My ex-husband got a vasectomy when he was still married to his 2nd wife. He got it because he was having an online affair with a woman in another state...she said she was way too fertile, and he didn't like condoms. They never met...but he got it anyway. And c**p - I still married him.
#14
I always thought my two older brothers got addicted to drugs because of their own decisions and the people they hung out with. It turns out that my dad had been feeding them pills since they were about 10 to "shut them up." Years I held resentment against them for not being good older brothers like they should have only to find out that it was my father who I had praised all those years that was truly evil.
Edit: wow, wasn't expecting all of this lol. Just to address some of the comments: My brother's are doing mostly fine now. Both struggled but eventually found sobriety. Luckily enough family didn't give up on them. We have a pretty good relationship now and none of us hold anything against each other. We realize that none of us are to blame for the sins of our father. Not sure where dad is, no contact for about a decade now. In contrast, mom was and still is an angel. With her showing me who to be and my dad showing me exactly who NOT to be, I think I turned out pretty okay. A lot of the time the cycle just continues but my brother's and I managed to break it. I'm sorry to every one who has gone through something similar, thank you for sharing your stories as well. Hope everyone finds their peace some day. Love you.
Lene 2 years ago
Not quite the same but close enough: I used to have a bf who had a dad who was uuuhmm.... very fond of weed. So on my ex's 14th birthday, the dad gave him a kilo weed (!!!) And that was the beginning of ca 4 wild years for my ex where he smoked a whooooole lot of weed. Until the day he got a psychosis due to the weed. Still makes me sad for him that he had such an idiot dad.
DC 2 years ago
That's really messed up. I mean ... if someone smokes with their adult children, I don't see much of an issue, but with 14, you should not own a kilo, but, if any, smoke for the first time. Later would be better, although I smoked weed the first time when I was 12. I didn't do that with my parents, of course. They wouldn't have let that fly, let alone hand out a huge amount...
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Haven 2 years ago
Did he ask a doctor for these pills, because people praise the parents feeding PhD-prescribed medical methamphetamine to their neurodivergent kids to shut them up in class, even teachers who firmly believe that ADHD is an excuse for being "easily distracted" and lazy. Evil has many methods.
Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
"Mom was an angel." Was she not aware that her husband was drugging her kids? Or did she just go along with it, and lie about it later? Whatever the reason, that's not a good mother.
Scented Candle 2 years ago
Probably not aware. Believe it or not, cases where one parent is abusive but does a great job at hiding it from the other parent aren’t as rare as you may think. Yes it could be ignorance of the signs but it could also be that there were no visible signs or the ones that were there always had a good explanation
Load More Replies... #15
My dads first cousin is Kenneth McDuff. We saw the Americas Most Wanted episode when it aired and were so surprised to hear about a McDuff, not knowing he was a relative.
Gen X Feral (try/me) 2 years ago (edited)
I'm American and I'm gonna have to Google it myself Edit: he murdered 3 people in 1966. Gonna have to do a lot more than that to be widely known in this country.
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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
My maiden name is Blanton... But I have no clue if I'm related to the whisky company!
Dawnieangel76 2 years ago
My mom & bio dad were buddies with Gacy. Bowling team, out drinking, said he was a great guy. They were absolutely horrified when the truth came out.
However, if you’re having difficulty processing the news, it might be worth reaching out to someone for help. You could talk to your family members to make sense of things or to understand the context of what happened better.
Meanwhile, a trusted friend who won’t judge you could, for instance, hear you out to show their support or even offer you some advice if you ask for it. It might also be worthwhile to reach out to a therapist who could offer fresh new perspectives on the entire dramatic family situation. Whatever you choose to do, just remember that you’re never in this alone… and asking for a helping hand when processing things isn’t a sign of weakness.
Which of these stories shocked you the most, dear Pandas? Have you ever had to deal with sensitive family issues like these before? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Meanwhile, for some more radical honesty on Reddit, take a peek at Bored Panda’s previous article about uncovered family secrets right here.
#16
Found this out after my grandfather died. Growing up every older guy in the neighborhood would say how tough he was. I mean he was the most intimidating man Id ever met, you would jump if he sneezed. Im not even exaggerating. But Id never seen him actually fight. But everyone, and I mean everyone, women and men, would say he never lost a fight and usually never had to throw more than one punch to knock someone out. Simply put he was a bad m**********r. But growing up he would always preach to me and my cousins to never fight if you could help it. Just walk away. If theyre insulting you just walk away. Its only words. Sticks and stones and all that. Hed drill it into our heads that you never fight unless you have to and never under any circumstances do you throw the first punch. Ever. I was kind of confused. Every older person in our neighborhood would tell me how nobody f****d with "Blackie" because of how many people he knocked out, and he would always tell us NOT to fight. Turns out when he was in his 20s he got into a fight with someone. Apparently the guy kept insulting him and wouldnt leave him alone. Finally he had enough and cracked the guy. Knocked him out with one punch. Problem is when he landed he hit his head on a step. It was lights out for good. K****d him with one punch. I had never heard this story and confused about how he didnt get locked up. Turns out he did. Got like 15-20 years or something like that. Then WW 2 happened. When I was a kid Id always ask my mom how my grandfather entered the war, was he drafted or volunteered? Shed say oh it was like the movie The Dirty Dozen. Which I had never seen or had any interest in when I was young so I had no idea what that meant. Turns out the Army made him a deal. Go to the front lines in Japan. If you live well expunge your record. If not, oh well. He went. Things made a lot more sense after that.
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
The man's nickname was "Blackie". I think we can all read between the lines here.
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Strings 2 years ago
That's one of my problems with the criminal justice system: make a mistake or have an accident happen when you're young, and you're stigmatized for life
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
This is why 'King hits' are so dangerous! Every one could end someone's life. At least prison/army had the intended effect and he was remorseful/rehabilitated.
RLC c 2 years ago
Are these stories real or are people just practicing their writing skills? This specific story about a child curious about how he entered the war is strange, what child would know, care or ask this? And what made more sense? Did he survive the war and get his record clean? This is a fictional story in MY OPINION.
K.A. Hansen 2 years ago
The kid may have been learning about WWII in history class.
Load More Replies... #17
My great grand-parents got drunk and locked two of my uncle's out of the house late at night in the middle of winter. My great-grandparents wouldn't wake up and my uncles couldn't get in, so they tried to walk to their grandma's house that was like 15 miles away, and one of them froze to death and the other had to have is feet and hands amputated because of frostbite. My great-grandparents lied about what happened and said they snuck out.
It was in the newspaper and was made out to be this heartbreaking story, about two dumb little kids who snuck out in the middle of the night because they wanted to see their grandma.
FeelingFrisky 2 years ago
Probably the kid who survived told the true version of the story .
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Mikey Kliss 2 years ago (edited)
I feel like the use of "great" grandparents is incorrect if it was your uncles. I'm assuming they were just your grandparents and your uncles' parents. Otherwise the story reads that they left one grandparents to visit another
#18
I found out I had a sister who had been given up for adoption. The only reason I found out was the person who informed me no longer felt bound to secrecy after my mom died. And the person who told me had "receipts" solid enough that I have no reason to doubt them.
It also explains why mom freaked out when I told her I'd done a 23AndMe test.
Trish 2 years ago
There was a lot unpacked here. I hope they've made peace with mom, and everything works out.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 years ago
It says they found out because mom died… :(
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Mikey Kliss 2 years ago (edited)
A cousin of mine just found out that a long lost "cousin" of our ours might just be her half sister
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
My father had four half siblings who didn't know about him until they were adults. Luckily they all got along great when they finally met, and my uncle was a great example of who my dad could have been, if he had ever grown up (he lived to 85, but...)
Pudgy Panda 2 years ago
DNA tests can be mixed blessings. I found out that my bio mom had raised her youngest daughter to believe she was an only child. Imagine my sister’s shock on finding that she is actually the youngest of six. If not for the fact that I am bio mom’s twin in the looks department, not sure if she would have believed me.
#19
That my biological mother used to give me pills as a baby and toddler to control me then drop me off at my grandmother's house when she couldn't afford to share so I'd go through withdrawals but no one would no what was wrong. Needless to say, I was put up for adoption to get me away from that
Deborah B 2 years ago
From the sound of it, an addict who can't cope with her own life, let alone be responsible for a baby. Being put up for adoption was the best thing that could have happened for the baby.
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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
I’ve been told I went through brutal withdrawals as a newborn, as my biological mother was an alcoholic and a (multiple) drug user. I would scream and was clearly in pain, but my parents didn’t know what to do for me. The doctors had no suggestions either other than “just wait til it stops.” This was back in the early 80s, so I’m not sure if anyone knew what to do with an “addict” newborn going through withdrawals. Luckily I (obviously) don’t remember any of it, and it’s not quite like OP’s story where they were drugged after birth, but I imagine it was horrific. I hope OP’s adoptive family was a good one.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
I mean this person was probably born addicted and the junkie mother didn't know what else to do.
Couragetcd 2 years ago
My grandfather was a career military doctor who self prescribed and drugged his kids. My mom was given high doses of opiates for her PMS ( at least he believed it existed) and other pills starting at the age of 14. They also did hash and other drugs together along with his mistress
K.A. Hansen 2 years ago
My dad and stepmom used to give my half-sister beer in her formula so she'd sleep in the car while they went into the woods to hunt. Makes me sick to think about it - and no, my sister doesn't know.
#20
Not exactly dark, but I found out my father wrote p**n novels under a pen name to make ends meet when I was a baby. I've been trying to find one ever since.
Alijandro Asturias 2 years ago
Why would you want to read a porn novel that your father wrote?!
Donkey boi 2 years ago
To see if he was a good writer, and encourage him to carry on exploring that talent if he was.
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CatProductions 2 years ago
Now I'm curious as to how one writes porn for shiits and giggles
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VioletHunter 2 years ago
And judging by how badly written that book is, his adult novels must have been awful.
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ScaryThingIntheDryer 2 years ago
It's called My Father Wrote A P**no and it's hilarious!
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#21
My dad’s side of the family has ties with the mafia. Thankfully my mom has long since divorced my dad and they life a decent distance apart. I heard stories of my mom’s parents who lived close by at the time circling the block in their truck late at night soon after the divorce to ensure no one was there to hurt us. I was very young at this point, probably like 3-4 so I really have no memory of this. I do remember one night our garbage can was burned to the ground, and my mom has since told me about death threats soon after the divorce. My mom a couple years ago watched a documentary on prominent mafia families and noted multiple names that were at her wedding.
Cricketgeeklol 2 years ago
Really glad you weren't old enough to understand that woul have been effing scary
#22
That my adorable nerdy mom spent 3 years in prison for being an accessory to hiding a body in the late 70s.
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
What would you do if your best friend in the world or a loved one called you one night and said "I'm in trouble. Something terrible happened. I need help."?
I U 2 years ago
Unfortunately I worry that I would actually be the first person my friends think to call because I an good at keeping secrets and also have way too much general knowledge so would know how to dispose of it.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
That's why you should hug even the people you don't like. Then you know how deep to dig the hole.
LinkTheHylian 2 years ago
"Mom! Star Trek's on!" "Hey that looks like the place where your Aunt Jemma and I hid that body!" "Uh... what?" "Nothing. Eat your veg."
Hakitosama 2 years ago
"if you need help, I'm the person who knows how to dispose of a body.... If you betray me? I'M THE PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO DISPOSE OF A BODY"
#23
My grandpa (15) kidnapped my grandma (14) from a convent. No one even bothered looking for her thereafter cause she was an orphan and didn't even know who her family was. They had 16 children together.
Kristina N 2 years ago
It was not, according to the rest of OP's comments.
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Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
I hope she at lease consented to leaving with him. Having said that, at 14, can anyone really consent? Oof.
Evyn Skinner 2 years ago
16 KIDS?! first, yo grampa evil, the convent lazy, and poor gramma… wait “red riding hood” conspiracy?!
Kristina N 2 years ago
Not if you read the rest of OP's comments. They slept in separate rooms their entire lives and never had any affection for each other.
Load More Replies... #24
My grandfather had severely scarred legs from burns he got as a kid. Growing up we were told that he was in a fire in an apartment building and sustained the burns while escaping. He died when I was 7, and one of my few memories of him is an image of those scarred legs. Well, when I was 23, my great aunt (his sister), told me that it wasn't a fire. Their father ran a bath with scalding water and put my grandfather in it as a punishment.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
I was trying to come up with a comment, but then gave up, realizing it would look pretty much like this: that f....g piece of s..t m........r a.......e son of a m........g b....h c........g chunk of a c....y vomit in a donkey's a......e should f......g d.e!
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
My FIL's mother did this to him. He has scars 80 years later. It's HORRIFIC.
Jane Doe-Doe 1 month ago
WHAT THE ACTUAL FU*K, I wish we had more information, just leaving us with the basics, what happened? Did he go to the hospital? Did his ‘ s***m donor’ ( he doesn’t deserve to be called dad) get arrested? Did the s***m donor rot in hell ?
Suck it Trebek 2 years ago
I had an elderly man as a neighbor growing up who was blind because as a child his mother filled the bathtub with bleach and ammonia and locked him inside as a punishment.
#25
I don't know about dark but here goes. My great grandfather m******d the mayor of the village he lived in. Why? Because the mayor was sleeping with his mom while his father worked on the field. I think he was 15 or 16 when he did that.
Magazine 2 years ago
Dear Lord why censoring it? I spent ages trying to guess... M.otherfucked? M.anfucked? Aah, M.urdered!
Zedrapazia 2 years ago
Mürdered or Mölested? BP won't allow either word, but does someone know?
𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦-𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 2 years ago
If the father's job was dependent on the good will of the mayor, mother's relationship with the mayor might not have been entirely consensual. Father was a field worker, and they (and their families) are often taken advantage of by powerful locals, even today. And they can't say no, or they have no job. So great grandpa might have had an actual reason to end the mayor.
Couragetcd 2 years ago
This was where my thoughts had gone. Killing the mayor might have been the only way to protect his mother from repeated abuse.
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#26
My grandpa can’t have kids, but my mother still has three siblings…
Anne 2 years ago
Actually.. this is not uncommon. Religion meant you had to procreate.. if the man could not, the couple was quite often assisted. Sometimes his family would help out, or a friend of the couple. Quite consensual actually. We now have sperm banks for that.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
Being forced to have sex with someone else because society expects you to make babies isn't actually very consensual.
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Panda Kicki 2 years ago
Well, yes? Sperm donation in various forms has been used for extremely long. He isnt less of a father bc the genetics are different.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Well, there's this thing called adoption. A woman I knew had seven children but had only been pregnant once.
Janet Graham 2 years ago
A married couple I know couldn't have kids due to low motility on his part. His brother offered to be a sperm donor so the baby would still be very related. They declined the offer, but what a kind idea. (note donor, like make a deposit at the bank for an in vitro)
#27
Growing up I always knew my parents had marital issues; constant fighting, a couple times Dad disappeared for a few days living in his car, issues with drinking. But they stayed together and when I asked why didn't they divorce, they always said they loved each other too much. And in the past few years, things seemed to have gotten better. My parents in fact are now so comfortable in their relationship that they make jokes about all the awful stuff they've done to each other in front of me. What I've managed to put together is: -my parents met when they were 14 and my mother was dating an 18 year old and my dad would relentlessly ask her out until she eventually dumped her boyfriend for my dad -my mother went onto university after college (we're UK) whereas my dad dropped out of college and went straight into work while constantly drinking and partying -it was at one of these parties (while my mum was studying) that he cheated on my mum with someone from their old secondary school so she dumps him -barely a year later my dad realises he doesn't know how to do anything for himself, no one else wants him and he goes crawling back to my mum -she agrees to take him back but ONLY if he marries her (not immediately but *eventually* she said), he agrees and a short year after that (aged 22 now) she's already pressuring him to propose, he fumbles it frankly (were in Paris but forgot the ring and proposed back in the hotel room after they'd visited the eiffel tower that day which was her dream proposal) but she says yes -a month after they're married mum pressures him into having a child that he doesn't want and nine months later I was born, they soon realise how hard having a child is and basically drop me off on my grandparents for the rest of my childhood -after me there were two more accidental babies and each time my dad threatened to leave her, but she managed to convince him to stay while keeping my siblings by promising he wouldn't have to raise them (he didn't but neither did she frankly, I did) And that is only what happened before/shortly after I was born, if I carried on into my childhood, we'd be here for years. What they sold to me as the perfect love story (been together since they were 14, proposed in Paris, soon married and had children because of pure love) is in fact a bunch of skewered half truths from a horrible twisted love map of my mother's manipulation and my father disappointing her time and time again.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
After manipulating the father as the OP's mother had, she had no right to be 'disappointed.' The father wasn't a peach by any means, but the woman was definitely a piece of work. The saddest part was the fact that they kept making kids neither of them wanted.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
I find it very sexist to put all the blame on the mother here considering the father literally stalked and badgered her into a relationship with him in the first place and then only returned to her after a breakup because he didn't know how to take care of himself. He got exactly what he deserved. Poor kids though.
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kansasmagic 2 years ago
This, I don't understand: "I'll take your broke and cheating a*s back, but only if you marry me"??? Like, who's actually getting punished in this scenario? I mean aside from their future children.
Jerusalem Cat Syndrome 2 years ago
Wow, that was hard to read. Punctuation has a purpose, people.
María Hermida 2 years ago
The first time somebody disappoints you, it's their fault. The second time, it's your fault.
Jane Doe-Doe 1 month ago
I’m glad when people put what country they are from because I automatically assume they are American!! ( UK here)
#28
Husband’s family has a dark secret that still isn’t out to the people who really need to know and I hate that I know. His youngest aunt was “sent away” when she was a teenager and shortly after she returned, the oldest uncle and his wife introduced the family to “their daughter”. Young aunt went on to have 3 more kids who have no clue that their cousin is actually their half sister. What’s even more F’d up is that her “brothers” know the secret!!! I’m dreadful that someone will need a donor or do an ancestry test and all the lies will be exposed. Glad I could get that off my chest. If you’re assuming this is a “good Christian family” you would be correct. It’s all about appearance.
Lost Penny 2 years ago (edited)
🎶 "Places, places, Get in your places, Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces, Everyone thinks that we're perfect, Please don't let them look through the curtains" 🎶
Clown fish 2 years ago
Picture, picture, smile for the picture Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister? Everyone thinks that we're perfect Please don't let them look through the curtains🎶
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AndThenICommented 2 years ago
It sounds like OP’s family may have actually loved the new baby (note: I have not read the original Reddit). Unfortunately, depending on the time period this was really the option for a family to keep the baby - ‘good Christian’s’ or not. It was a societal problem. Stigma back then wasn’t capped at the occasional annoying Karen or off colour comment. It was whole TOWNS ostracising someone all because they were unmarried. I am beyond thankful that this stigma has dissolved.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
OP's hubby's aunt got pregnant as a teen and was sent to live elsewhere. Aunt's older brother and his wife told everyone the baby was their daughter. Aunt had children later in life who had no idea their "cousin" is actually their sister.
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Annita Stephanou 2 years ago
My partner's mom had a girl when she was 16. Her parents gave it up without her consent, but with the consent of her then boyfriend. She left home and started working at a bar owned by my partner's father, 26 years her senior. They had my partner and got married. She never stopped looking for her daughter, meanwhile the neighbors knew who the girl was as she was visiting the area frequently. The parents at the end got divorced as the mother started cheating and drinking still trying to find her daughter. My FIL is now in a care home. Meanwhile, the mother passed away in 2003 without having met her daughter and my partner got to meet his sister in 2014. And yes, the mother's family are one of those good Christian families. One of the brother's is a monk/priest.
Pudgy Panda 2 years ago
This sort of inter family adoption happened more often than you would think back in the day. Lots of kids whose older sister was in fact their birth mother.
#29
I was told by my aunt (before my parents thought it necessary) that my Dad had cheated on my Mum and slept with a stripper and that I was her daughter and not actually my ‘Mother’s’.
I found out years later that my Dad wasn’t actually my Dad either - though he thought he was which is why he put his name on my birth certificate and brought me home when my birth mother wanted nothing to do with me.
Fun times.
Szzone 2 years ago (edited)
So, okay, so guy cheats on wife with stripper. Stripper gets pregnant. Stripper actually sleeps with someone else too so the child isn't even the husband's. Basically both parents are (knowingly on wife's part, unknowingly on hudband's part) adoptive parents. The kid is basically the stripper's child from someone else. Did I get that right?
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Yes, and that's the only thing that's right about it.
Load More Replies... AK to LV 2 years ago
OP says in her original post that the family was as loving as they could be considering the circumstances. She had food and shelter but is now almost no contact with her mom and sister. The dad passed away. OP is married now with a child and found her family with her in-laws.
Load More Replies... #30
My grandmother married her second husband entirely for money. Her daughters both like to joke about her intentionally giving him a heart attack. He had heart problems but liked to eat unhealthy food, and the rumor goes she would put extra salt and butter on his food until he finally kicked the bucket.
Audra Sisler 2 years ago
My grandmother (passed few years ago) outlived FIVE husbands! My aunt (still alive) most DEFINITELY married her last husband who has passed for his money.....he was like 85 and stuck in a wheelchair 😕😕
The CareTaker 2 years ago
mmm thats one of the ways i would like to go, I always say, go doing/eating what you love!
#31
My paternal grandmother had an affair with our small town’s mortician in the 1940’s. She got pregnant and he performed an illegal a******n. The fetus was buried behind the funeral home he owned where we kids used to sled every winter. My dad told me this as I was getting ready to take a ride down the hill on the sled when I was 12. Also, paternal grandfather had multiple illegitimate children around our small town. Turns out one of my best friends was also my half cousin. Father told me when I was 17. My father was educated, intelligent, honest and moral. The fact that his parents were so wild was absolutely shocking to me.
Donkeywheel 2 years ago (edited)
So now abortion is a forbidden word? On a website based in the EU where it is a basic human right? Aren’t you ashamed to surrender your values to american bigotry?
Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
I twitch a little harder each and every time I see 'unalived' or 'SA'. Bad things happen--people make them happen--and if we cannot even face the /words/ we already have that were created to describe these things, how can we address them as actual things that happen to people? Sterlizing the language we use distances ourselves from reality... My apologies to those who have had terrible things happen to them; I do not intend to offend or hurt anyone... Yet I believe that turning words into asterisks or finding ways around saying the actual word is a p**s-poor bandaid, 'cause one day...someone will be upset at the mere mention of 'unalived,' or they can still read the word hidden in asterisks. As someone who has been raped, attacked, and seen slow suffering and death, I rather face the words rather than let myself continue to let my abusers take my life with a four letter word.
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RajunCajun 2 years ago
appendectomy, vasectomy, Laparoscopy, Cesarean section, hysteroscopy, abortion, Vacuum Aspiration, hysterectomy, lets see what get cut out just for fun........
Hex Gurls 2 years ago
in more ancient times, people would be so scared to say the name of god that they made another name for him, essentially just making a new word the name of god. censoring and replacing these words, i.e. “unalived”, is literally just making those words have the same impact. in a couple years, we’re going to have to come up with a new word for unalived, and maybe even for MEDICAL PROCEDURES. how about we censor brain surgery? excuse me, b***n s*****y?
VioletHunter 2 years ago (edited)
The parent of the half-cousin was not a full sibling to this person's parent. Their parents were half siblings who shared only one parent (the promiscuous grandfather of this story).
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#32
FINALLY I GOT ONE!
From when I was aged 6 to 13, my Mom dated a fellow named Murray. We all lived together in an old farmhouse.
Murray was a wonderful father figure to us, but he also had a drinking and driving problem, and after a particularly nasty accident, mom waited until he came home from the hospital and was well enough to take care of himself before leaving.
The whole time we lived there, my sister and I never went down into the basement, as it was *INFESTED* with spiders.
I always thought it was because of the drinking and driving she left him, but as it turns out that was only part of it. The other being that **he had a massive grow op for weed in the basement**.
Mom stated had the police found out about this, she would have lost custody of us.
Murray has long since passed, but he would have had a giggle that weed is legal here now...
Con O Cuinn 2 years ago
Whenever I read about stuff like this, I'm always reminded of this scary fact I heard from a cop on a podcast. Serial drink drivers rarely kill people. Like everything, practice makes perfect. Serial offenders compensate, they drive slower, are extra careful at corners and most importantly they don't run from the cops. No point running when it's your third time being caught. But the person who is only drink driving for the first time? They're the ones who have their adrenaline going, start speeding and then panic when cops try pull them over. They're the ones who kill people.
FeelingFrisky 2 years ago
Well practiced or not... people still get killed. No one, veteran drunk driver or not, should drink and drive.
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#33
Fidel Castro was my moms cousin. Which is why we moved to Los Angeles instead of Miami.
#34
When I was very young, my family lived in a townhouse, and against all local bylaws, my mother decided to keep a horse in our backyard. Not only that, but it was an ex-racehorse that came as a package deal: the goat companion that slept in the closet of my nursery. I also later found out she was running a grow-op in the basement.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
TIL that "...goats tend to serve as loyal companions to thoroughbreds, who are usually unsettled with nervousness and anxiety before races." BP is educational.
Xenia Harley 2 years ago
Horses are herd animals and need to be with a companion, or some get very distraught. That's why I have two horses, but a goat usually makes a good companion to a horse.
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Shark Lady 2 years ago
The riding school I used to go to had a few Shetland ponies for younger children to ride. One of the ponies was best friends with the guard dog which was a Great Dane, the dog was taller than the pony.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Apart from the fact that the backyard of a townhouse is too small for a horse, ex-race horses often become violent/too rough to ride when rehomed because they are used to a completely different lifestyle. There have been a lot of cases in Australia where they have been sold as 'gentle, beginner horses' and people have been injured. The sellers have disappeared by that time, under new names etc, selling horses in other parts of the country.
kansasmagic 2 years ago
"Secret horse" doesn't really pass the darkness test. Tell us more about the grow-op.
#35
My dad took me out for a walk when I was in middle school to tell me that I have a half brother in Japan with a similar name and birthday as me. We have the same dad, different moms. My brother has known about me his whole life, as a sister who lives in the States, but I only found out about his existence on that day.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
This reminds me (not that this is what’s going on in this story) of all the kids left behind by military dads overseas, they are left to fend for themselves as no one wanted them on both sides, it’s a very sad story, lots in SE Asia
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago (edited)
My dad was in the Air Force during Vietnam and I often wonder this. I loved my father dearly and would be happy to meet any half-siblings I might have out there (and help them if needed/if they wished it) - unfortunately I’m adopted so a genetic test wouldn’t help find them :(
Load More Replies... Robin Roper 2 years ago
The US Army did not allow soldiers to marry Japanese women even if they fathered children with them until 1956-57. I know this because my husband is one of the children denied US citizenship until his parents were allowed to marry in a way that was recognized by the US Army - Buddhist marriage didn't count.
hwatinternation 2 years ago
If you want to reply to the person that posted, you need to click the tiny grey username right under the post. It'll take you to the comment made on Reddit.
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#36
Just found this one out recently. My uncle was a doctor working in a small town hospital. He was married and had just had a baby boy. While his wife was pregnant or just had the baby he had an affair with two nurses in the hospital and ended up getting one of the nurses pregnant. When he found out of the second kid he took his family and f****d off to New Zealand for 3 years. Upon returning to Canada and the same small town hospital his wife immediately found out about his illegitimate child and divorced him. My (illegitimate) cousin stopped coming around to family events and when I talked to him about it last year he told me that my grandparents always blamed him for ruining my uncle’s marriage.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
Where in the world are you getting this? Are you referring to the doctor and the nurse as ässholes (true) but ALSO referring to OP’s cousin as an ässhole? Where on earth do you get the assumption that the cousin is in any way an ässhole?
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#37
My father is from small working town in Eastern Ukraine. And most of our lives we've been poor.
But my mother always praised my father for his ability to know the parfume by smell, and not only that but also he can recognise many famous parfumes my smelling them.
Once, when i was 20-something years i asked, why is that so? Where he obtained this skill? My father asked me to not ever tell this story to my mother.
And here's the story: my father had a close friend who was actualy a secret lover of one of the most famous soviet singers, who officialy had wife. But it reality he was gay and did a lot for gay community in soviet union. He brought a lot of expensive things from abroad, like new music, clothes and parfumes. And a lot of that parfumes has been met at secret parties.
This gay-friend of my father also gave him all the fresh music releases vynill and he sold it and they shared the profit, unofficially of course. That's why my dad knows release years of most hits from 60s and 70s.
And more of that, he told me about special square in Sochi (the place of Olympic games 2014) where gays of ussr met each other and what secret signals they had.
Nice
UPD: I was probably misunderstood. That secret-gay friend of my father was the only gay my father knew. All info about gays of USSR he know from that friend.
Parties, that i mentioned above, were not for gays, they were just normal parties for counter-culture youth. Gayness of his friend was a secret. Everybody on this parties was wondering where did he gets all this goodies rare in USSR, but he never answered. My father was allowed to know, only because he knew that friend from childhood. They were like relatives.
Okay, even if my dad had some gay experience, it's fun to know, lol.
kissmychakram 2 years ago
Not sure how knowing a gay Russian improves your sense of smell, but ok!
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
Brand name perfumes weren't available to 99.9% of the Soviet population, but this singing friend moved in circles that had access to luxury goods
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Sea Squirrel 2 years ago
Asking for a friend ... why was it a secret if it was indeed about an old friend?
Szzone 2 years ago (edited)
I'm guessing the old friend might still be alive, or have family members. Since OP says they're from Eastern Ukraine, many of the people involved might live in Russia right now. Not exactly the best place to be openly gay, sadly.
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Zaach 2 years ago
Bone Music - in the '50s jazz and blues were considered degenerate music and banned in the Soviet Union; X-rays were pressed like records and taken across the border from the West and played in large parties (they only lasted one or 2 plays so these parties were the equivalent of raves)
#38
I found out when I was about 32 that apparently in 1973 my dad had a daughter he never knew existed. I found out because he texted that to me while I was working, after finding out about it himself about 1 week earlier. She was in her late 40's by that point, I think. What's sort of tragic is all this time we thought I was my dad's only kid, and he always wanted a dauighter but never got one due to marriages ending. He would have f*****g LOVED this girl. his daughter was the result of a one-night stand with a girl he never talked to again, and according to his daughter the mother had a mental breakdown not longer after giving birth and never really had custody of the daughter anyway. Dad never would have had any way to find out, the baby grew up with the mother's parents in another state, and the mother kinda went AWOL.
Pancake_Pansexual_Panda 2 years ago
Wow...imagine not knowing you had a sibling until you grew up...that is pretty mindblowing to me.
Zephyr343 2 years ago
Happened to my dad. Found out he had another sister when he was like 50. Weird thing is, she lives in the exact same state as us, even though he never met her
Load More Replies... Zaach 2 years ago
I have 2 children (that I know of) in 2 cities; the mothers were smart enough to not let me know (I found out later from friends) since I was/am(?) a complete fuckup. I could have grandchildren, possibly great grandchildren - I have subscribed to some DNA sites to see what I can find out, but they are probably better off not knowing about me (until I die - I came into some money recently) When a young person is kind towards me, I wonder if....
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
My father died of Lewy body dementia last year, and in his last couple of years, he told me a lot of stories I'd never heard. His uncle was a cab driver in NYC. One time, he drove a woman home, and when they got there she said she didn't have money, but could they work something out? 9 months later, he had a secret daughter. My sisters thought he was making all these stories up, but a few months after he told me this story, my sister was contacted by a woman who'd just taken a DNA test. She was dad's uncle's daughter
Mellisa 1 month ago
My grandpa had a daughter before all his other kids but the mother took the child and he couldnt find her. Found her when she was an adult when the courts decided to pursue him for all the state assistance the mother had gotten. They dropped the pursuit once it was found out the mother took the child and didnt let him know where she was and hid her until she was old enough to take these steps to find him.
Justbecause 1 year ago
Similar thing for my dad, hes one of those dads whose a dad to everyone, divorced my step mother 12 years ago still see her adult children and helps them fix things. When I was a teenager my mother told me I had a half sister, that my dad had got a woman pregnant when he was young and had tried many times over the years to see her but had been pushed away. About four years ago the half sister contacted me wanting a DNA test. She confirmed what i had been told. When I told her I didn't want the DNA test she cut all contact. It would absolutely devastate my dad to know this.
#39
My grandma had an affair with a catholic priest while she was married and then left her high school sweetheart who she had 5 children with. Then she ended up living with said priest and her kids had to lie and refer to him as an uncle when people asked them about their living situation. I always thought it was true love; I found and kept letters and notes they wrote each other when he was overseas with the military and it seemed so genuine and I’d always heard so many nice stories (and I suppose it could have been true love.) I was raised to believe that my biological grandfather (my dads real dad) was a monster. I had been under the impression he left my grandma and abandoned his 5 five children. My one aunt died in a drunk driving accident and he couldn’t be bothered to show up. I never met him my entire childhood. I was literally encouraged to actively hate him. They said he remarried and basically started a new family and was controlled by his wife. The priest essentially raised my dad and aunts and uncles and they have always revered him. He died before I was old enough to have any memories of him but I’d always looked at him with a positive light. He’d taken my grandma and a couple of the kids to Hawaii, bought my grandma a suburban and the house was in his name. My grandma was even left his military benefits (still unclear on how this was finagled.) He paid for the kids colleges. He had an incredible life. He had pictures with Bob Hope and other celebrities, got to travel a ton of places, etc. One day I was curious if he had any relatives alive and if they had ever known about this salacious relationship. Then I googled him and it changed my life forever. He (posthumously) was accused in a lawsuit, with a large group of priests, of wrongdoing over an extended period of time. You can guess the nature of the lawsuit. It was on several law websites and I found the lawsuit papers. Surely enough his name was mentioned. Unease began to ensue. I did more digging and eventually found a 16 page document. This document was specific to him and included a police report and internal Catholic Church investigations into his transgressions among other things. Early into his priesthood he was accused of harboring a runaway 14 year old girl. He had explanations for everything… ofc. Reading the police report was absolutely devastating bc it seemed like the police did no due diligence and nothing came of the report. Then there were pages worth of internal Catholic Church investigations in which I learned he would have young, distastefully dressed girls hanging out in his rectory and was drinking and showing up to events and/or not showing up at all. He once said he had been called by the military and was away from the church, except he lied and had been drinking, gambling and philandering with women. Members of the church and other priests wrote anonymous letters about his conduct and asked for his removal. There were bouts of rehab and probation but he was moved to another church. Some of the same antics occurred. You get the picture. This man my family had told me to revere as a literal god send was in fact NOTHING of the sort. Then I found a summary of all his transgression over the years that led to his “retirement.” This is when I found out when he took my grandma, dad and his two siblings to get the suburban he physically assaulted my grandma and assaulted kicked my dad and his siblings. I cross referenced all of this information with birth years, where they grew up and lived and the fact my uncle still has the suburban. I was by myself when I found all of this out and I’ve asked my dad if he’s ever looked him up and he said yes. So he knows of the lawsuit but I haven’t asked if he dug as far as I did to find this 16 page document. I don’t know how to approach this or if it’s even worth bringing up to him. I’m curious how much he knows and if he remembers being assaulted. I’m also extremely disturbed if they knew of his past and chose to lie to me about this man. If they didn’t, then my heart breaks for what they endured with years of lies, abuse and the hurt they felt. It also makes me question my grandmother and he choices and everything she subjected her children to. My dad and aunt reconnected with my biological grandfather a few years ago. He eventually came to visit us from across the country. I was in my mid-20s meeting my biological grandfather. I am truly apathetic to him and forming a relationship with him. My moms mom had 2 husbands and those were my grandpas. My grandpas and grandmas have all passed now so I’ve mourned losing all of my grandparents. I do not feel this man is my grandfather and have been at peace with this for a very long time. However, it’s made me realize, my grandma abandoned him. He was the one who came to the church with the suspicion she was having an affair with the priest. At that my heart breaks for him. The priest also did my aunts funeral, so while some piece of me feels I can’t forgive him for not going to his own daughters funeral, I also can’t imagine having to face a priest who my wife ran off with. I’m so torn that my family pitted me against this man that is my biological grandfather when this priest was clearly a fraud and lacked human decency and morals. It is also clear that my grandma made extremely questionable decisions and (with other unrelated reasons) had tarnished my vision of her. Needless to say one of my wild facts has changed significantly from my grandma fell in love with a priest. Truly so conflicting and heartbreaking.
CrazyKnitter 2 years ago
I wonder if the man even knew that his daughter had died when the funeral happened. I can imagine that they hid the information from him until after so that he couldn't show up. Such a sad story.
Nancy Marine 2 years ago
I was wondering the same thing. That poor man was treated abominably and then the people who treated him horribly made everyone hate him .
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#40
Not super dark or super secret, but when I had to do a project on my family tree in elementary school one of the questions was "When did your family immigrate to America and why?" For one of my great-grandfathers, my grandma told me "Life was very hard back in his country, and it was getting dangerous to stay there." and for a long time I thought "Yeah, I can see that. It was probably hard for a teenager living in Poland with WWI right around the corner!" And I'm sure it was. But it turns out it's even harder and more dangerous when you're a teenager who has slept with a married woman and then accidentally k****d her husband when he confronted you. I can see why she didn't want me to put that on my elementary school project. edit: Wrong World War. I just pulled up his Ellis Island records and he immigrated in 1912 aboard the Carpathia in August.
Awkward lady 2 years ago
Yes, that Carpathia! Would have been interesting if he'd been on her back in April 1912!
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Alondra Johnson 2 years ago
How many times are you going to make the same comment?
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#41
My grandpa’s brother died when I was a child. I hardly knew the guy so I wasn’t too interested in the service. I vaguely remember my parents warning me not to stare at some of the men but I figured that was a “good manner” moment. Fast forward to my later teens/early adult and turns out, yup, we were **surrounded by members of the Italian mafia**. Everyone in my family was tense (even the departed’s wife) because they all knew he had *some* connection to them, but didn’t exactly know as he never spoke of it to anyone
Hakitosama 2 years ago
The less you know the better. When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back at you.
#42
Dark-ish, but I prefer to see it in a romanticised light: my maternal great grandmother was the chief of a gang of highwaymen (think early 1900's). I would LOVE to know more, but apparently it's a touchy subject for my Nana so I don't push it.
hwatinternation 2 years ago
Because people don't want to acknowledge that their relatives might not have been great people (even if certain things were done out of necessity).
Mochi 2 years ago
My Nana has a 1968 Chevelle in her garage and a TON and I mean a TON of trophies and awards for racing for it. Always assumed it was my papa's achievements, (never met him), because he was a big, buy firefighter chief. Nope! My papa would only fix the car, when my Nana crashed it while drag racing because he was afraid to go fast. Tl:Dr. Big, burly, papa was afraid to go zoom in old car, so nana drag raced it for him
#43
My dad left when I was 7 and we were always told that it just didn't work out with my parents. We saw him off and on for about 2 years after he left then never saw him again. He had remarried and she had a kid that became his step son that my brother and I would hang with when we would go to my dad's house, then when I turned 13 my mom finally told me that the step son was actually his son from having an affair with that woman. So that kid was my half brother and I had no clue.
#44
My MIL got married (in her late 60's) to her current husband about a month after his first wife died.
My 22-year-old niece commented about how short their courtship must have been.
"Only if you don't count the decades that they were having an affair," I replied.
My niece was flabbergasted that this had happened. Her Mom walked by, and my niece said, "Mom, did you know that Grandma had an affair?"
"You mean with
#45
I wasn't let in on it more like I found out about it but my siblings have a different dad than I do, that was common knowledge and not the secret at all. The secret was that their dad actually didn't die in the hospital of a terminal illness, he died of s*****e when he threw himself from the window of the hospital he was slowly dying in.
hwatinternation 2 years ago (edited)
Bored Panda is the one that censors it. It's uncensored on the original Reddit comment.
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Rosecat 1 month ago
It's phrased this way to remove the stigma. "Died of s*****e" instead of "k****d himself".
Load More Replies... #46
You guys Netflix is gonna steal all these stories and make Meryl Streep play your evil grandma’s haha
Michael Largey 2 years ago
My grandmothers weren't evil, but either of them would have eaten Meryl Streep for lunch.
#47
When I turned 21, my grandfather told me a story about his older brother that I had never heard. My great-uncle was a big boozer for most of his life. He passed at 92 and by then had switched from liquor to beer and wine; he also cut down to one pack of cigarettes a day instead of two after he had half a lung removed. Pap and my uncle grew up on a farm in the 30s and 40s. Mostly the family ran the farm by themselves, but from time to time they would hire drifters on as farm-hands. In 1950, my uncle and one of the farmhands were out drinking and they were driving back to the farm in my uncle's convertible. My uncle was the one driving and he misjudged a turn that had a steep bank on the right side. He ran the car up the embankment, which was steep enough to flip it. My uncle was throw from the car, but the farmhand he was drinking with was only halfway out of the car when it landed. Pap said he was severed clean into two pieces. Because the farmhand was just a drifter without any family to make much fuss and because the Korean War had just started, my uncle was able to enlist and avoid any criminal charges. He was in Korea until the end of the war. That was the only time I've ever heard that story told and although I would never be someone who has more than a few drinks before getting behind the wheel, it's something that definitely sticks in my mind. And it's a story I'll tell my own kids when they get their license.
Na Schi 2 years ago
Did I read it correctly that the OP still consideres having a few drinks is okay for operating a vehicle? How about having none?!
PotatoNinja5000 2 years ago
Technically speaking, you can have as many as you like as long as you're under the legal alcohol in your blood limit. Still, yes it is best to avoid it entirely if you will be driving.
Load More Replies... #48
My great grandfather died in a house fire. Evidently he was sleeping with a married woman and her husband was mad and locked him in the house and set it on fire.
#49
I had an aunt that I never met, and never knew she existed until very recently. I don't see that side of the family almost ever, because they kicked my grandma out of the family after she married a half black guy. Anyway, this aunt spent the last 30 years of her life in Ancora, an inpatient psychiatric hospital. She lived a perfectly healthy and normal, albeit extremely racist, life until she was in her mid 40s. Then she found out that she was 25% black through some chain of events I still don't fully understand. She. F*****g. Lost. It. She was so full of hate that her brain could not accept this information and it broke her. She would just scream the n-word at people, and didn't really communicate in any other way. Im convinced Dave Chappelle heard this story and made his black white supremacist skit. B***h stayed there until she died. I know extreme hate like that can f**k with people's brains but I mean... come on
Firefly1617 2 years ago
This one is something I don't have a word for. It sounds like a crazy joke even though it probably wasn't funny at all when it happened
#50
I wasn’t let in on it so to speak. My dad is “Polish” and I took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100%… not Polish. I look exactly like my dad. My dad looks nothing like his father.
#51
My grandma and uncle were both diagnosed with cancer in the 90s. My uncle went into remission, grandma died. Almost a decade later, my uncle’s cancer came back in full force. He and his partner of 40 years were hoarders. My mom/his sister didn’t realize this initially because they lived about 2 hours apart. She only knew after her first visit to help take care of him. We all made several trips to help clean up. On one of these occasion, uncle’s common law husband mentions he needs to hit up the PO box as they haven’t collected mail in a few days. Mom offers to drive him. When they get back to the house, mom notices a letter from the IRS addressed to grandma. Weird because grandma hasn’t been alive to file taxes in almost 10 years. Turns out uncle and grandma had a joint bank account. He never notified authorities of her death. She still got direct deposits from grandpa’s government pension- post mortem, because the government didn’t know she was dead. Not only did my uncle illegally receive thousands of dollars of my grandma’s pension, he also had several maxed out credit cards. He knew the cancer coming back was a death sentence and decided to live it up while he was still here.
Mav Mav 2 years ago
smart man. the IRS and banks screw everyone their whole lives...why not screw them a little back before you cark it?
kansasmagic 2 years ago
Debt doesn't go away when you die. If he had any assets you can bet the banks will come after them. Too bad for the uncle's partner if the house was in uncle's name.
Load More Replies... #52
My aunt isn’t actually dead. She left the family to join a religious cult cause they said she would never have a baby unless she left.
#53
That my grandfather was a horribly abusive alcoholic and he died in a fire that started because he passed out drunk with a lit cigarette.
#54
This might be a bit too weird for this thread. I am from a country still enshrined in a lot of superstition and religion. My great great grandmother was a crazy woman who practiced witchcraft. One day her husband died unnaturally and granny went mad. She gathered the village folk around and picked up a rock from the ground nearby and declared that the rock will be her curse and the village will suffer for k*****g her husband, after that she k****d herself. For multiple generations my family worshipped the rock as a deity and prayed to lift the curse from the village. It ended when my father in his 20s got sick of his family doing stupid s**t. Him and his cousins stole the rock overnight from someone's house and threw it near a railway track. And no I wish I was making this s**t up but my father, uncles and aunts all told me this story when I grew up.
#55
Not so much "dark" as it was annoying and made me question everything, but I found out my biological dad actually was in my life for a few years. My family told me for most of my life that he left *before* I was born because he was "a deadbeat that couldn't take responsibility". In my 20s, I found a photo of him and me. My brother told me everything. The truth is that apparently there was an incident where mom went a little crazy on him and he got arrested and left afterward. From then on, I took everything they said about him with a big grain of salt. Still never met him, and don't really have a desire to. Just upset me that they lied for so long.
#56
Ooh ooh! My mom’s uncle was in the mob. He was enforcer for Jimmy Hoffa in Chicago. He would take my mom and her sisters to go get ice cream and pay with $100 Bills. Then he’d go to a bar and they would wait outside while he “went in to talk.” He mysteriously never had a real job but always had money they said…
#57
That my grandmother probably trapped my grandfather into marriage by lying about being pregnant. Cost him an appointment to the Naval Academy (midshipmen can't be married) and generally f****d up that side of the family for a generation. She was a pretty good grandma, but apparently a s**t wife and mother.
#58
My Aunt had an illegitimate daughter her family doesn't know about. She was one of My mother's 8 sisters.
#59
My grandfather had a family before having my father, that woman took her two children, changed their last names, and moved somewhere out west.
#60
Learned last year that my father went in debt to buy the Ps1 for my brother, which, at the time, went through a cardiac surgery. He received it at the hospital and we still have it. Also my father went in debt some more times so that we would have stuff that he never had the opportunity to have. It's a "dark secret" just because it was my mom that told me, after a literal decade. Nowadays we are very well financially.
Lost Penny 2 years ago
Can someone translate this? Who went through cardiac surgery? What did he (the father...?) receive at the hospital? PS1? Why in the hospital? What debts did he go into? What exactly was that 'dark secret'? What is happening??
hwatinternation 2 years ago
I think it's this: - brother in hospital, after heart surgery - father went in debt, acquired a PS1 - gifted to op's brother at hospital - father went in debt multiple times to get his kids things he himself could never had
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kansasmagic 2 years ago
This isn't a dark secret. It's just life. I went into debt many times to pay for things like rent and groceries. Give yourself one little "cash advance" on a credit card, and it's easy to fall into a spiraling black hole of debt. I mean, things like a PS aren't necessities, but I would guess the family already had a ton of medical debt, so the little extra for PS probably didn't seem too bad, and if it brought a little happiness to the kid's life, it's understandable.
What do you think ?
Yayheterogeneity (her/she) het 2 years ago (edited)
I am always having a hard time to upvote horrible stories. Do you feel the same fellow pandas? How do you do it? Upvote the greatest horror?! I am truly at a loss here...
DB 2 years ago
I was in my early teens when I found this out. My dad's oldest sister wasn't my grandfather's child. My grandmother had gotten pregnant by some guy who promptly skipped town. My grandfather was an older widower who had already raised one family. He stepped in and married her. Together they had 7 more children.
Will Cable 2 years ago (edited)
About 5 years ago I found out the name of my biological father and it wasn't either of the two guys I thought it could have been.
Ken Schroeder 2 years ago
Not really dark, but when she was a teenager, my grandmother worked in a flower shop that rarely had customers. Turns out it was a front for bootleggers from Chicago to hide their product.
Kim 2 years ago
My friend was helping her mom clean up her grandfathers house after he got alzheimers and ended up in an old folks home, as they were going through boxes in the attic she finds a full nazi uniform compleate with medals. Her mom was like, ”oh yes that thing, well you know those were the times” and just kept cleaning.
Dre Mosley 2 years ago
One of my cousins was date raped and impregnated in college. One of my other cousins(her brother) and his wife adopted the child, so the woman that the kid(an adult now) thinks is his aunt, is actually his bio-mom. Don't know if he's ever been told about his origin, probably not a good idea.
Tamiko 2 years ago
My grandfather was married when he met my Nan. His parents didn't like my Nan nor that he was getting divorced to marry my Nan, so he was cut off. My great-grandfather smuggled a camera into the trenches of passchendaele (British side), taking some utterly amazing pictures (only seen some). He survived, only to loss a daughter to the Blitz and watch 2 sons go to fight in Franch during WW2 (my grandfather being one of them). On my Dads side, I have a distant ancestor that immigrated to the US and then fought in the Civil War.
justaprettypotatopanda 2 years ago
No offence to any of these people, but I do wish that when sharing stories, they would write in a more correct, professional way so that it's easy to follow the story. Half of the stories I read but couldn't understand all the way because they lacked the proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar that I need to follow the stories. (I'm also a writer, so I'm nit-picky about these sorts of things.) My ADHD brain can't follow along with things unless they're very clear, or I will lose focus. Again, no offence to any of these people, I'm sure they're all wonderful, I'm just stating something :)
Yayheterogeneity (her/she) het 2 years ago (edited)
I am always having a hard time to upvote horrible stories. Do you feel the same fellow pandas? How do you do it? Upvote the greatest horror?! I am truly at a loss here...
DB 2 years ago
I was in my early teens when I found this out. My dad's oldest sister wasn't my grandfather's child. My grandmother had gotten pregnant by some guy who promptly skipped town. My grandfather was an older widower who had already raised one family. He stepped in and married her. Together they had 7 more children.
Will Cable 2 years ago (edited)
About 5 years ago I found out the name of my biological father and it wasn't either of the two guys I thought it could have been.
Ken Schroeder 2 years ago
Not really dark, but when she was a teenager, my grandmother worked in a flower shop that rarely had customers. Turns out it was a front for bootleggers from Chicago to hide their product.
Kim 2 years ago
My friend was helping her mom clean up her grandfathers house after he got alzheimers and ended up in an old folks home, as they were going through boxes in the attic she finds a full nazi uniform compleate with medals. Her mom was like, ”oh yes that thing, well you know those were the times” and just kept cleaning.
Dre Mosley 2 years ago
One of my cousins was date raped and impregnated in college. One of my other cousins(her brother) and his wife adopted the child, so the woman that the kid(an adult now) thinks is his aunt, is actually his bio-mom. Don't know if he's ever been told about his origin, probably not a good idea.
Tamiko 2 years ago
My grandfather was married when he met my Nan. His parents didn't like my Nan nor that he was getting divorced to marry my Nan, so he was cut off. My great-grandfather smuggled a camera into the trenches of passchendaele (British side), taking some utterly amazing pictures (only seen some). He survived, only to loss a daughter to the Blitz and watch 2 sons go to fight in Franch during WW2 (my grandfather being one of them). On my Dads side, I have a distant ancestor that immigrated to the US and then fought in the Civil War.
justaprettypotatopanda 2 years ago
No offence to any of these people, but I do wish that when sharing stories, they would write in a more correct, professional way so that it's easy to follow the story. Half of the stories I read but couldn't understand all the way because they lacked the proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar that I need to follow the stories. (I'm also a writer, so I'm nit-picky about these sorts of things.) My ADHD brain can't follow along with things unless they're very clear, or I will lose focus. Again, no offence to any of these people, I'm sure they're all wonderful, I'm just stating something :)
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