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Sometimes we feel a desire to "unburden ourselves" to someone we just started dating. But they aren't necessarily interested in a long-term relationship and/or feeling obliged to keep our secrets. Trying to connect with another person but keeping a healthy distance can be tricky.

Dating coach Hayley Quinn, who helps men and women to build confidence and get their mojo back, told Bored Panda that "it's good to be authentic with people we meet, and be our 'true selves' so we can work out if there's a connection. However, you can miss the mark of authenticity and crash land into oversharing if you do this before you've had a chance to build trust."

To explain her point, Quinn invited us to imagine revealing our deepest, darkest secret to the barista who serves us our morning coffee. "You wouldn't do it, right? With social relationships we have to phase into openness and before we share, make sure the other person is on the same page. Make sure you check out if they're happy with where the conversation is going by making statements like 'let me know if I'm going off on a tangent here' or 'you can tell me if this is too much information for date 2.' This also brings levity to the interaction. Finally, make sure that interaction is 2-sided. You don't want to dump all your emotions on a person without being willing to also hear them out."

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years He wanted to find a shark tooth so badly after I found one at the beach. So I went and bought a small bottle of shark teeth from the gift shop, spread them out all over a strip of beach we were hanging at and marveled at every shark tooth he brought me. I can never tell him the truth.

BarbarianTHEdarian , flickr Report

Final score:

452points

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Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

That is sweet and loving.

208points

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I cheated on my wife....when she wasn't looking at a family pot luck.

My wife and her sister put their peanut butter cupcakes side by side on the table and her sister makes crazy good cupcakes. My sister in law made peanut butter cupcakes with real peanut butter filling AND filled it with Reese's Peanut Butter chips. My wife only put a tiny bit of peanut butter topping on hers with no PB filling. I kept making excuses to go back to the dessert table and scarf down my sis in laws cupcakes especially when little kids were near it to make it look like they were eating most of the cupcakes. Didn't even touch my wife's cupcakes.

spicedpumpkins , pexels Report

Final score:

409points

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Victor Botha 3 years ago

🤣🤣🤣 you wicked unfaithful cad you.

236points

According to Sheri Stritof's article on VeryWell Mind, which has been reviewed and approved by psychiatrist Carly Snyder, we do not have to share everything with another person if things get serious as well. We have the right to privacy in any relationship, including with our spouse, partner, and family. In a healthy commitment, both parties have to acknowledge the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for their mental well-being, otherwise, ironically, a couple ends up limiting their intimacy with one another, not enhancing it.

Hayley Quinn agrees to this line of thinking. "Being in a relationship is not a contract to disclose everything about our lives. For a lot of people it's important to have built a degree of trust before being candid: you may not want to tell someone about your past on date 1, but by 2 months in you may feel more comfortable to be open," she said.

"The important question to ask yourself when it comes to when and if you should disclose information is whether it would make a material difference to the relationship today. Things like health conditions, criminal records, children all will have a bearing on whether someone is happy to continue building a relationship with you. Also remember that ultimately you need acceptance from your partner, so rather than fearing you're going to put them off, prioritize instead finding someone that supports you totally."

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I’m from south Louisiana and my dad is in a Mardi Gras Crew. Every year he’s on a float throwing beads.

My husband has never been to Mardi Gras so his first time he was so excited and it was at my dad’s parade. Normally people on the floats throw the “good beads” to kids or women that will flash them.

I told my husband that if you yell “throw me something mister!” loud enough the people on the float will give you the “good beads.”

I told my dad and he told his float buddies, when their float came around my husband was screaming like a banshee “THROW ME SOMETHING MISTER!”

My dad and his friend pelted my husband with their best beads. When we were leaving the parade my husband was flexing all his nice new beads and thinks Mardi Gras is the best thing ever.

Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I told my dad to do that. He just thinks that because he was so enthusiastic, he got all the good stuff.

I_am_dean , wikimedia Report

Final score:

344points

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kasa alex 3 years ago

That is really cute and wholesome

112points

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I freakin HATE Dungeons & Dragons.

It bores me to tears.

Yet I've orchestrates an elaborate lie that gives the illusion I love it as much as he does and once a month I have to spend 5 hours sitting through a session bored to tears.

I do this simply because its one of the few hobbies in his life he gets to enjoy and I want him to have someone to play it with.

It's been going on for 5 years now, and I have no way out lol

It's OK though, the amount of joy I see he gets from playing it gives me comparable joy. So I don't mind that much.

VoiceFromTheVoid99 , flickr Report

Final score:

320points

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Rick 3 years ago

Be warned, I had an ex who had what I thought was a boring hobby and indulged joining in with it for years before I finally confessed…he told me that he thought it was my hobby and I enjoyed it and was just putting up with it for me. So we basically both spent two years (and money) on a hobby that neither of us actually enjoyed.

248points

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years She farts in her sleep like a wild bear.

billyo318 , pexels Report

Final score:

303points

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River Webb 3 years ago

I feel attacked

148points

Secrets that can hurt your marriage are ones concerning:

Having an affair;
Job problems;
Keeping an addiction or substance use habits hidden;
Legal problems;
Lending money;
Lying about how you spend money;
Not paying bills;
Not revealing an illness;
Seeing family and friends secretly.

But there are some things you might consider keeping to yourself, like:

The exact number of people you've slept with;
How great your ex was;
Finding your partner's best friend really hot;
Hating someone in their family or close friend circle.

At the end of the day, every couple decides where to draw the line. They both, however, need to play by the same rules.

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Sometimes I buy a chocolate bar when I go to the grocery store and eat it before i get home…

jimmykslay , flickr Report

Final score:

298points

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Andrea Careless 3 years ago

Omg I never realized you were supposed to wait until you got home.

229points

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Not that dark, but I really really did not like her wedding dress...

ohhshitnotagain , pexels Report

Final score:

274points

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Giovanna 3 years ago

Lol please keep on not telling her :D

181points

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I have anxiety attacks when my SO is away. We joke about me believing he's dead when I don't hear from him often enough, but it's real. Like hyperventilating, heart racing, crying, rocking back and forth-real.

He loves going on roadtrips and does landscape photography. I can't ruin that for him.

serume , pexels Report

Final score:

268points

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River Webb 3 years ago

go to some sort of therapy, it might help

305points

#10

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I was born with only one hand. I have rheumatoid arthritis in the one hand I have, and I know it’s spreading. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back and scoliosis to the point where I am most likely going to need spine surgery. I’m only 31 years old. I can’t do this for another 50+ years. I am in such bad pain now and it’s only going to get worse. I have thought of suicide but I can’t do that to my husband and kids. I don’t want my husband to turn into a care giver. I can’t envision not being able to take care of myself.

OneHandedMolly , pexels Report

Final score:

254points

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Rick 3 years ago

You need to tell him and - depending on their ages - possibly the kids too so plans can be put in place and everyone is aware in case this thing suddenly accelerates throughout your body

220points

#11

That the real root of my trust issues stem from how I was sexually assaulted by my extremely religious godparents’ son when I was 11-12. It first started out with comments about my body, how I was “filling out”, then it evolved from there. My parents would send me to their house for whole summers and I particularly remember that one, my mom came to visit and I practically begged her to take me home. She adamantly refused even after I told her I was not comfortable and was scared and she still left me with them. I guess from there I just slowly stopped trusting the ones closest to me.

Vanillybilly Report

Final score:

234points

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Scagsy 3 years ago

I really think that you need to talk to somebody about this. Preferably a therapist. You don't have to deal with it on your own.

188points

#12

I ate all 4 sleeves of oreos in one sitting.

Cassandra_Canmore Report

Final score:

205points

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Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

If that's the worst secret you have, you are rocking life! I salute you.

136points

#13

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Exactly how bad of a person I used to be before I met her. She knows I was into drugs and some other dumb stuff, but she doesn't know the depths of depravity I delved to in order to fit in with the people I mistakenly wasted my time with.

boondockslasher , unsplash Report

Final score:

204points

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Cactus McCoy 3 years ago

Well, she's with the person you are, not the person you were.

119points

#14

I was crying, and told my boyfriend someone had kissed me.

He asked if it was his 30 year old cousin.

I said yes.

He asked me over and over if anything else happened.

I was 15. I said no.

I lied.

blameitonmyouth Report

Final score:

199points

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Natalia Shoemark 3 years ago

So sorry... talk to him...

100points

#15

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Just how much I depend on her. For our first eight or so months of marriage, my wife and I were never apart due to moving around and being in lockdown. Even now we're hardly apart since we both work from home.

She doesn't know just how sad I get when she goes away. I miss her so much, and all I really want to do is curl up on the bed and wait for her to come back. I lose my smile, I lose interest in all my hobbies, everything. Once she gets back though, I'm alright again.

solojetpack , pexels Report

Final score:

187points

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Andrea Careless 3 years ago

That’s sweet but not very emotionally healthy imo.

242points

Ysgramorsbutterknife Report

#16

That I'm dying faster than she thinks I am.

Final score:

184points

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justagirl 3 years ago

It's unfair. Tell her.

206points

#17

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years She doesn't know I'm straight.

bigchickennuggies10 , pexels Report

Final score:

167points

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Rick 3 years ago

Wtf? Tell her, and leave her, so she can hopefully find someone to spend the rest of her life with that actually loves and is attracted to her (and for you too, for that matter).

282points

#18

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years That I feel trapped and I hate myself and my life and I really just want to disappear and move away and leave my wife and three kids so they can finally be free of me, I feel like such a burden and so guilty that my kids love me, they’d be better off without me.

TangoDeltaFoxtrot , pexels Report

Final score:

162points

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Elvira Kreft 3 years ago

It sounds like you need some help. I know the feeling realy wel i have been there , but know this your kids always need you .find someone to talk to get help

196points

#19

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years She's my ex now, but, she had just revealed to me some very, uh, confidential information, info I understand I'm one of only four people to know. She asked me if I have any deep secrets like that. I lied and told her I didn't, but the truth is, my grandmother by marriage (no blood relation) sexually harassed and abused me as a preteen and teenager. Literally nobody irl knows. I've never told anyone.

BESTER_P12 , pexels Report

Final score:

155points

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Maddie Star ⭐ 3 years ago

I hope you have come to realise that this is not your fault, no mater what. please talk to someone x

110points

Character-Respond-38 Report

#20

My wife asked me not to pee in the shower. I told her I wouldn't but I do it every time I shower.

Final score:

152points

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H Edwards 3 years ago

Hahaha, this one is the same in my relationship but with the roles reversed. No man is going to stop me from peeing in the shower (yes I clean the shower regularly, thanks).

94points

#21

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I’m bisexual.

I am able to talk about many morbid things I have experienced and witnessed, I could be open about how many girls I have slept with, but if the truth got out that I once had a boyfriend years ago and I still find men attractive, I am afraid that it will be over.

I have experienced enough rejection from women whenever I opened up about my sexuality

HapaKappa , pexels Report

Final score:

150points

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Vinnie 3 years ago

That is a shame. And i feel sorry that women rejected you because you opened up about it. I don't love my husband any less because he find men attractive to. quite the opposite, i love him more for speaking up.

106points

#22

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I suffer from chronic depression. My SO is super sweet and supportive, but I am afraid of unloading too much of my crazy on him. I keep dark thoughts and feelings from him all the time, I'd make him miserable if I didn't.

He knows, btw, I am not keeping all of it from him, just a lot of the excessive stuff.

ILikeLamas678 , pexels Report

Final score:

149points

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Carrie B 3 years ago

This is way too relatable.

54points

#23

I'm thinking of divorce.

My wife is scared of me. If I am working on something and I swear or vent my frustration. She runs to me (usually I am alone) and wants to know how to fix it.

Then she leaves the house when I say I am just mad that: I burned my hand. Toilet is clogged. I stripped a screw and need to drill it out.

She told me this weekend that when I am mad she gets scared, and that just broke something in me since I can't fully process it.

I don't know why, I have never even raised my voice to her. But she cringes and covers her ears whenever a loud noise occurs. I spoke to my parents and friends, they think it sounds like she has been abused in the past. But she doesn't want to talk about it, and when we disagree we don't even get to argue. She just locks herself away from me and our kids.

We are in marriage counselling because I haven't been happy for a long time. But she was arguing with the Therapist about what I really feel and how I should take vacations alone since I have had panic attacks on vacation before and that ruins them for me (or maybe her).

I don't know what to do, but I am tired of walking on eggshells.

alkatori Report

Final score:

143points

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Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago

Just my unprofessional thoughts, but it sounds like theres some past trauma. When you get angry, it triggers the same response to someone in her past that pointed their anger towards her. I have that reaction when my wife gets frustrated. Its a primal kind of fear. I feel this unholy fear either to fix it to make the anger go away or run and hide. She doesnt know any of this.

109points

Parmeisan 3 years ago

OP specifically said that "I spoke to my parents and friends, they think it sounds like she has been abused in the past. But she doesn't want to talk about it..." The fact that there is trauma is very very sad, but it sounds like she won't let OP help her through that trauma, and they're just at the end of their rope about the whole situation. It sucks for everyone. And them leaving may only make it worse for her. But it shouldn't have to be on him to live with it, either, if he's finding it so impossible.

4points

bonnyatlast 3 years ago

You are not the only one walking on eggshells here. Record yourself. You need a different perspective of what is really going on. My husband does that. Just verbal when he has a problem of any sort. Imagine a blow horn from a football game sounding off at random times. In your house. All the time.

33points

Iggy 3 years ago

Excellent idea. Just because he's not shouting directly at his wife, it doesn't mean he's not shouting.

15points

Isabel Schulze 3 years ago

I'm a harmonic person. I have been abused as a kid, got abused by boyfriends over the years and even raped and hit by my ex husband. And I can't deal with my new partner raising his voice because of unrelated stuff. It's been 30 years of hate and hurt, and I can understand your wife. I also have the urge to make his problems Go away before they hurt me. She is unable to recognise the difference between normal anger and her being in danger. I suggest you both should go to therapy individually in addition to your marriage counselling. I also recommend visiting a self help group for relatives of abused persons if there is one where you at.

27points

Moodles 3 years ago

Excellent advice, and my heart goes out to you <3 xx

3points

Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

She may have had a rough childhood. I can't cope with people shouting at each other.

17points

Robin Roper 3 years ago

Run to a therapist who specializes in PTSD

12points

Elvira Kreft 3 years ago

It sounds to me like she neads jou more then ever marrige is is sonething you need to realy work on together i hope you can help here open up and heal

8points

Lisa Whipp Myhre 3 years ago

When my 16 year old spectrum son gets frustrated at the computer, it triggers me...that grunting and exasperation. Crap. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. fuque

7points

C W 3 years ago (edited)

Keep doing therapy. If you aren't making headway with this therapist, try another. I wish I'd switched instead of spending a year making no progress. So if you go with your wife a few times and it isn't improving anything, try another therapist or 2. After 3 different ones, my husband and I settled on a fantastic couples therapist. Your wife sounds like she has some last trauma maybe, as I do and though I don't go running to my husband when he something frustrates him and he lets out a yell, my heart speeds up and I sometimes shake cuz it's terrifying. We also each have individual therapist that we've had to cycle threw a few to get to. We both have PTSD. Him from multiple deployments and me from a highly abusive father and many abusive exes. Going to this many therapists isn't permanent, and we started before we had many issues simply to learn how to grow together as we became parents. But I promise, it has helped immensely. With the right person, you both could get a ton of clarity

6points

C W 3 years ago (edited)

Just to clarify: he doesn't yell at me. I'm talking stubbed his toe in the garage or something. But my father had explosive anger issues and after stubbing his toe on the other side of the house would come inside to rage at everyone in it and throw s**t around. So although my husband has never once did that, my body reacts like he might. Your wife may be experiencing something like this??

10points

Zei Kiljoy 3 years ago

It sounds like she needs to think about therapy not just for her but the kids as well.

2points

Buck Up 3 years ago

I'm in construction and get a lot of those shucky darn moments. Lately I have taken to laughing when it happens (not every time, but increasingly). It's a terrific alternative that makes everyone feel better.

1point

oddkiddo 3 years ago

It could also be what is called a fragile/covert/vulnerable narcissist. I experienced this with my ex and it took me many years to figure out what was actually going on, because I was always the one being accused of "acting out", but really it was about making med doubt myself to maintain control. It is the most sneaky form of abuse. It f***s up your brain slowly. Like sniffing paint thinner everyday. <3

1point

Rens 3 years ago

Sounds like, I have PTSD from my last relationship with a narcissistic sociopath who still makes my life hell 3 years after I fled from him. Loud angry sounding male voices, being followed/movements monitored amongst other things.

1point

chrissy goodman 3 years ago

she was definitely abused in the past. that kinda stuff doesnt just fade away. the guy i dated before my now husband physically, emotionally and mentally abused me and bc of it im very jumpy. i have an anxeity disorder as it is so his abuse made things worse. wen my husband get angry at traffic or something i jump wen he shouts bc of the abuse my ex caused. i dated that guy 9 years ago and ive been with my husband for 7 years will b married 1 year on the 11th. i dont think about my ex at all its just a lingering effect of wat he did. my husband knows this too so wen he sees me just as a result of something he did he instantly apologizes and holds me close and reminds me that nothing and no one will ever hurt me again. he has gotten better controlling his temper. he has never yelled at me bc he knows this wen we disagree he talks calmly to me about it bc he knows shouting at me will trigger both my anxeity and lingering effects of my exs damage and he doesnt want that. i dont hide anything from my husband not only bc i love him but bc idk if my health could take him not knowing. i always make a joke saying how i should come with an instruction manual bc of all the things wrong with me. this girl needs to open up or else their relationship is done for and im pretty sure she would regret not saying things after its over especially if they have kids.

1point

Teresa Horton 3 years ago

He swears and "vents his frustration" at a stripped screw or clogged toilet and SHE'S overreacting?!? Maybe she runs to fix the problem because she's trying to defuse the situation before she or the kids are the focus of his "frustration"? She's the one walking on eggshells. She has been abused... by him. They're in therapy because "he's not happy" that she doesn't accept his volatile behavior and panic attacks. No. She needs a divorce.

1point

Nadja Lambacher 3 years ago

Wow. Have you never cursed when you hurt yourself or something broke? He literally wrote it happened when he burned his hand. Everyone has the right to swear then. Also panic attacks are horrible and if she blames him for it that is really not helping. You do not choose to have them.

2points

Hotrobot 3 years ago

I have been married for 10 years and am just now working on my PTSD, with very similar behaviors as your wife. It has been difficult, but I have always been willing to work through my feelings and have open communication the entire time. Ultimately if she does not want to heal at this time you do not need to stay if it's effecting you this badly. You're not at fault for her reactions, she is not at fault for her reactions, but it is her responsibility to heal, and if you choose to stay and help amazing, but it does not sound like that is the case so it is 100% ok to leave because her behavior is effecting your mental health.

1point

Mushroomlover 3 years ago

It sounds like there is a lot more going on in this situation/marriage that we aren’t seeing/aware of. I want to know the whole story!

1point

Carolyn Smythe 2 months ago

She can't argue with a therapist about your feelings if she truly isn't listening to what you are saying about how, or what, you are feeling. Listening and hearing are two different things. We hear things everyday, around us, but we don't process it because we know what the sound is. Really listening to something, or someone, requires concentration and being able to understand what we are listening to, what exactly we are hearing.

0points

Lynn Morello 3 years ago

I feel your wife needs more of a One on One counselor to get to the root of her problems. My husband is loud and can be aggressive, mad and down-right obnoxious when something goes wrong, but I don't take it to heart because I know that it is that he is trying too hard to fix something that down's want to be fixed. It happens, But it sounds to me more like past issues that need to be dealt with. Tell her that there is nothing, that has happened to her in the past that can ever make you hate her or make you angry at her. But the only way to help is if she talks to you. You cant help when you don't know what you are up against,

0points

Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago

Therapy sounds like a very reasonable first step. Best of luck.

0points

Riley Quinn 3 years ago

Your wife is carrying around past traumas that are negatively affecting you and the kids. The kids are spectators in this, and they will develop their own trauma because of this behavior. Keep with the joint therapy, but your wife critically requires her own therapist to work this out before it destroys your family.

0points

Kel Hudson 3 years ago

She might also have an undiagnosed sensory disorder.

0points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

Both these folks need individual therapy, good god.

0points

Lyn Moffett 3 years ago

Sounds like she went through something when she was younger.

0points

Hollysmom 3 years ago

I think she needs to see a professional by herself too. Maybe she'll open up. She is probably to ashamed to tell you about her experiences

0points

Janet C 3 years ago

I agree that she was probably abused. It leaves scars.

0points

rumade 3 years ago

This is from his perspective, so we don't know if he's actually being scary or not. I used to live with a guy (housemate, not boyfriend) who every time he got stuck or frustrated on a project he would scream and shout relentlessly, swear, and throw tools. It was terrifying. But to him it was just him "being annoyed".

0points

Yoga Kitty 3 years ago (edited)

Easy - he is scary because she is definitely scared by his behaviour! While she might well be overly sensitive due to some old trauma, I am sure he should also work on his coping mechanisms to anger, stress or frustration. He must have a certain way that really triggers her fears! Maybe, in addition to therapy as many already suggested, they could also try and learn some relaxation techniques. Maybe the two of them together, could be a wonderful experience as a couple as well!

1point

Random Anon 3 years ago

I recognize this. It's like PTSD. For years in my youth I was that. Something seemingly small would trigger my fight or flight response. My best guess is violent childhood.

0points

Jada Sherman 3 years ago

Sounds exactly like my parents

0points

AngelWingsYT 3 years ago

It does sound like past truama. Its good you are in couples counseling but she might need solo to work out her end. She might not fully realize she has truama herself

0points

Yevvie ART 3 years ago

Got the same issues as her, due to abuse from parents in the past. Anxiety and panic attacks screw with me daily, I even lost my voice because of panic and crying all the time. There's nothing she can do about it, and it sucks just as much for her. Trauma is a terrible thing.

0points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

In my professional opinion (MD, and I facilitate the PTSD group).... She's got PTSD, and he's got issues, and I think maybe perhaps both need time alone to sort their individual stuff, then re-evaluate if there's a marriage to save.

0points

Robin Childers 3 years ago

It sounds like she needs the therapy more than you do.

0points

Frisinator 3 years ago

Sound like PTSD

0points

Don't Look 3 years ago

You're both in the wrong relationship. Just GTFO.

0points

#24

Got someone pregnant in highschool, gave up custody so I wouldn't have to pay child support. They all died in a car crash 5 years later.

Joetho24 Report

Final score:

141points

POST

Maria 3 years ago

Well that's dark.

129points

#25

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I'm not sure I actually love him, or if I just don't want to be alone or start a new relationship from scratch.

Imtryingmydude , pexels Report

Final score:

136points

POST

Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

I'm sorry for both of you and hope things get better.

52points

#26

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years That I'm scared of him.

RiveterAnne , pexels Report

Final score:

131points

POST

Elvira Kreft 3 years ago

Bail out now

315points

#27

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I once pooped in their garage because I was waiting for her to come home and let me in. Blamed it on the raccoons.

Ellpo1318 , pexels Report

Final score:

131points

POST

Solidhog 3 years ago

How big did she think the racoon was?

138points

#28

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Declining mental health and everyday drug addiction. I wish I hadn't been so good at hiding it.

I needed help.

Yasha666 , pexels Report

Final score:

128points

POST

ThoughtsAreNotFacts 3 years ago

I hope you're okay now. Healing after addiction takes a long time, but it's a valuable gift to yourself.

39points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#29

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years I hooked up with a professor of mine in college and after that she would pimp me out to her colleagues. That’s not the label she would have given it, but that’s what it was.

Thejibblies , pexels Report

Final score:

126points

POST

Supernatural 3 years ago

Bet that was awful....

34points

#30

Nothing dark, but I hide pints of ice cream in the back of the freezer. If I don't hide it then it's gone. My girlfriend has 0 self control and will eat the entire pint in one sitting. I like to spread it out so I can have an enjoyable snack a few days in a row.

Sometimes I'll even buy one with gluten in it intentionally so she can't have it. She has celiac and can't have gluten.

Peeeeeps Report

Final score:

120points

POST

kasa alex 3 years ago

I have zero self control. Anyone would have to hide snacks from me if they lived with me and I would actually encourage them too! I just don't keep snacks in my house lol

56points

Important_Scratch_72 Report

#31

I hate that she compares me to ex husband and i have to prove her wrong over and over again....i hate that i have to pay for is past mistakes. Like ugh starting to wonder if i can kepp doing this....i really do love her but its making me depressed

Final score:

118points

POST

Kari Panda 3 years ago (edited)

Never blame people for the mistakes others made. I had a friend once who kept telling me that I‘d just leave him like all his other friends before. I liked him and had no intention of ending our friendship and continually reassured him as much. Yet he kept insisting day after day after day that I would be just like the others and would drop him. After a year or two of this, I couldn’t take it anymore and indeed ended our friendship. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

87points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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#32

That there is literally nothing about myself that I actually like and I honestly have no idea what he sees in me...
All the men I've been with before him (only three) made it crystal clear they were with me because I was nice, supportive, safe, and convenient. Because I put up with [them]. They weren't actually attracted to me — just what I could do for them. ... It's hard to build confidence when my whole life has been about what's (objectively) wrong with me when everyone around me, including my romantic partners, compliment everything except my appearance. Now I'm in my mid-30s, and this is the first one who I think might actually be attracted to me. It feels too good to be true.

MzFrazzle Report

Final score:

106points

POST

Not Proud British 3 years ago

When you look at you, you see all the faults and blemishes but when he looks at you, he sees beyond that. Don't question it, just accept it. He loves you inside and out. Perhaps it's time you learnt to love yourself too?

49points

#33

That I’m unsure if I will ever be able to express and maintain deep emotional intimacy with anyone

TWBeta Report

Final score:

101points

POST

Iron Eddy 3 years ago

Same.

29points

#34

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Not my gf now, but she didn’t know the extent or details of my childhood struggles. she knew I grew up in the projects up until age 10, but I think because i never wore it like a badge of honor or carried myself in the stereotypical way of someone who would come from that environment, many people think i was unaffected. and i never bothered to share those details because i never wanted to make a sob story out of a situation that i was blessed to get out of and that many people are still currently in. but that living situation has taken a toll on me in various ways that’d i love to expound upon for those who are interested.

IHeartDana , pexels Report

Final score:

99points

POST

Emery Walters 3 years ago

Can you write it, even if you fictionalize it somewhat?

42points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#35

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years Her father once told me : if he could go back in time, he would never have dated her mother and have kids with her. Was pretty shocking thing to hear while on vacation with the whole step family. The guy has Asperger's. Weird family. The girl left me cold turkey a few months later after 7 years together, and i still didn't even think about telling her that story.

DeliciousCactus , pexels Report

Final score:

96points

POST

Kyle 3 years ago

My dad told me when I was 27 if he could go back and do anything differently he would not have kids. He meant it. He was an a$$hole. No excuse like asberger’s. Im 64 now. I don’t miss him.

44points

#36

My mom hated my ex (lets just call her Sarah) for how bad she hurt me when we broke up. My mom passed away about a week after seeing Sarah at the mall, and she gave Sarah dirty looks and a cold shoulder. Sarah and I saw each other soon after my mom passed, and she broke down and told me that based on their recent encounter, she was sure my mom hated her. I lied to her and said “no, she was just really sick at the end, She didn’t hate you.” Sarah and I are still good friends to this day and I will never tell her the truth that my mom hated her guts.

zeusydaddy Report

Final score:

96points

POST

lara 3 years ago

Why?

14points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#37

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years That I had an abortion at 16.

areweoutofthewoods1 , pexels Report

Final score:

89points

POST

Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

This is my opinion only, but unless it resulted in you being unable to have kids while he wants them, I don't think he needs to know.

150points

#38

I'm an iv drug user on and off. I work long contacts in isolation far away from home and I use a lot when I'm away. I clean up when I'm going home so my wife can't tell but I'm still not quite 100% when I'm home with her.

She's struggling with stuff and it breaks my heart I can't meet her needs but I need this job to pay for our future. I'm trying to quit the drugs, it's easy when I'm home but as soon as I'm alone in this stupid little hole in the wall for work 4 weeks at a time I'm back to using. I don't know how to tell her.

QuartzClockwork Report

Final score:

86points

POST

Jonathan 3 years ago

You need help. You may feel as though you have it under control right now but eventually it's gonna take over. Plus it's your responsibility to be open and honest with your spouse if you're using needles, just reckless to their health to keep that a secret.

75points

DOOFENSHMIRTZ_Ev101 Report

#39

This is from my POV not Doofenshmirtz's

My father is an AIDS patient,he did not reveal it to anyone and married my mom.And as a result I was born,unaffected,my mother also is unaffected.(happened in 2002)

(To clarify the doubt from my father a DNA test was performed and I am his son but without the virus..)

Final score:

77points

POST

Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

I'm glad you and your mother dodged that heartbreak.

57points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#40

40 People Reveal The Deep Secrets They’ve Kept From Their Partners For Years That I’m probably a bit co-dependent at this point.

ssjx7squall , pexels Report

Final score:

70points

POST

Liz the Wanderer 3 years ago

Pandemic has made us all anxious and a little nutty!

7points

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#41

I don't love her and feel as though I never will.

VegansH8Me Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Maddie Star ⭐ 3 years ago

I guess this is about their partner? if so you need to be honest, not just for her but also for you, you will grow old regretting what could have been

16points

#42

I once found a very good little chocolate cake in the half price section of the local super market. I originally bought it so I and the lady in the house could have it for dessert, but I ended up eating the whole thing myself.

Ashtar-the-Squid Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Lindsay Ameye 3 years ago

The police is on its way

19points

#43

What an incredibly f*cked up, dysfunctional white trash background I come from.

AlieanBreac Report

Final score:

25points

POST

Scagsy 3 years ago

You can't choose your family or your upbringing. If you are aware of it then you can be who you want to be. Don't let the past define your future.

17points

#44

My girlfriend soon to be fiancé has no idea of my extreme mental health struggle in the past how I used to be medicated and even checked myself into a hospital when I was extremely suicidal from said medications.

I’ve since been fine and haven’t had a issue of anxiety or depression in years BUT it still hurts me knowing my brain could be so dark. When she talks about depression or anxiety she just doesn’t understand because she’s never had to deal with it.

So I’ve kept it to myself to not put my old burden on her. Maybe one day I’ll bring it up.

No_Search_575 Report

Final score:

25points

POST

smugdruggler 3 years ago

I hope you do talk about it. Depression is an illness, not a weakness and it's not something to be ashamed of.

15points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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#45

That I tripled money I put in crypto this year, but not cashing out for few years, if I told her how much we have in crypto she would nag me to sell.

Organized-Konfusion Report

Final score:

24points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago

Cryptocurrency can increase or decrease in value, but the risk of losing money is outweighed by the chance of gaining more money. You'd be a fool to sell just because your partner wants to go on a shopping spree.

6points

#46

Well, it doesn't matter anymore since we're divorced now--but--a few years ago, I banged my wife's cousin one night when she was in town and my wife was at work.

Not taking away from the fact I was wrong in doing that, but, considering our divorce happened because it came out that my wife had cheated on me MULTIPLE times over the years (she has admitted to "several dozen" times)...I really don't feel bad about it.

Emcee_Such_N_Such Report

Final score:

23points

POST

Rick 3 years ago

So you’re both a pair of cheaters. Congratulations.

53points

#47

that I was abused as a kid

MizElaneous Report

Final score:

23points

POST

Maddie Star ⭐ 3 years ago

please talk about this, it needs to be. x

6points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

#48

I had a total mental breakdown in 2017 caused by stress. Never told anyone, it's the worst my mental health has ever been and I'm afraid of getting like that again and not getting help

sid_capivara Report

Final score:

22points

POST

kasa alex 3 years ago

It might help to find someone to talk about this with, and especially a counsellor. It can be hard to get through these things alone

3points

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#49

That I've been planning my goodbyes for quite some time now. We've been in and out of this relationship many times across 5 years. I guess we really can't turn back from some mistakes.

Brakah Report

Final score:

22points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago

There has to come an end to planning and a start to leaving when it's clear that things are not working and that it will never work right for you. No use wasting your time on illusions and regrets over what could have been.

7points

#50

I think I'm pulling 90% of the weight in our relationship.

Granted, we're only coming up on one year together right now, but I always (and I mean ALWAYS) text them first, compliment them extensively, give them physical attention and affection, plan our dates, and drive and pay for everything. Plus I seem to get out-prioritized by a lot of stuff. So we always do what they want when they want. I simply need to work around their needs all the time.

I'm accepting it because they're exceedingly beautiful inside and out and I don't think they're secure enough to do any of what I do themselves. I'm happy with them and don't want to be too judgemental about it, but wow it looks like a struggle on paper.

SleppyLeBo Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Mazer 3 years ago

What part of this are you resentful about? What part of this are you responsible for choosing? If you choose to be the burden, then you are responsible for that choice.

5points

#51

I keep having creeping thoughts of myself with other people. I don’t like them, I don’t want those thoughts, but they happen regardless.

Excalib1rd Report

Final score:

21points

POST

MiriPanda 3 years ago

'intrusive thoughts' - quite common

20points

#52

I haven’t told my partner that all my nice clothes and designer shoes are replicas from China

BarakudaB Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Maddie Star ⭐ 3 years ago

and no one cares

39points

#53

Slept with my ex girlfriend’s sister before ex girlfriend and I got together

godzillasfinger Report

Final score:

14points

POST

smugdruggler 3 years ago

I don't really see why that's a problem. What you did before you got together with her is nobody else's business. You did nothing wrong imo.

18points

#54

That I’m buying more GME than she knows about

blackpuppet Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Me Oh My 3 years ago

those of you who are wondering: I googled it, it's GameStop.

11points

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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What do you think ?

POST

Ivana 3 years ago (edited)

I only kept one secrete from my husband, that I was a virgin when we met. I remember it was the second date or something and he was like, "I would never date a virgin, they cling to you and get delusional that you are the one." So I lied and told him I was sexually active. We had been together for 6 years when my dog died and he took me out to the woods to camp for a week so I wouldn't have to be home. That first night after I cried non-stop, I told him the truth. He thought it was really sweet.

20points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

Sounds like your husband was a real jerk about women/virgins. Hope he's changed.

20points

deathrose 3 years ago

I can never tell my husband that I hate his family. His brother is 42 and only dates 18-20 yr olds, one of which he creeped on since she was 16. He was 38 at the time. His uncle uses the Bible to justify his cheating and never takes care of his children. His mother almost had him set to jail on insurance fraud but she spun the whole thing as a mistake so he forgave her. His grandmother is a manipulative narcissist. She makes up these weird medical conditions to get attention, like being allergic antihistamines when she takes an antihistamine everyday. My husband told her that I was allergic to Benadryl (I'm not, I'm allergic to the pink dye) and she spun a story of antihistamines giving her necrosis. I've never discouraged him seeing them because he loves them but I hate being around them.

20points

Susie Elle 3 years ago

In hindsight, I've been r***d by my first boyfriend. This still effects my attitude towards and comfort during s*x.

15points

Burs 3 years ago

I am so sorry. That is horrible

18points

Shane S 3 years ago (edited)

When I invited my partner of 8 years over for a one night stand that lead to our relationship, I thought I was inviting over someone completely different. I got the names/numbers mixed up.

13points

Mindghost 3 years ago

Thats crazy. Faith i guess? :D

1point

Steve Wilson 3 years ago

I wish I hadn’t read any of this.

7points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

It breaks my heart to read about so much suffering from people who should be able to access professional help, but seem not to be able to, or to be too afraid to.

6points

Steve Ramaekers 3 years ago

There’s a lot of need for professional help in these posts rather than likes on social media

5points

Hannah Edwards 3 years ago

I’ve kept a secret from my childhood. A local kid, a lot older than me and my siblings, sexually abused all of us. I didn’t know about them until well into adulthood and their experiences were way more serious than my own. He has since died and I find it very hard to hear people saying what a great guy he was. I recently heard one of his friends gushing about how great he was with her granddaughter and I cringe, but don’t say anything.

4points

Sarah Kitsune 3 years ago

Some of these really hit hard. I‘m now triggered and sad :/

2points

Ms.GB 3 years ago

If there are only a couple cokes or chocolates left I hide some under the vegetables in the veggie drawer, the guys never find them because they don't eat veggies unless I prepare them lol!

2points

Ivy la Sangrienta 3 years ago

I hide my red bull under the lettuce, lol.

3points

Mari 3 years ago

I am so shocked how many kids were sexually abused! I think it is one of the worst things that can happen in someone's life. My heart goes out to all the victims.

1point

Jackie Porter 3 years ago

I haven't told my mum one of her childhood friends has died. For clarity my mum has Alzheimer's disease and I've already told her one of her friends has died and it broke my heart seeing her crushed like that and I couldn't do it again. She asks after her childhood friend as my dad is still in contact with his family and I just say 'he's fine'.

0points

Stephanie Did It 3 years ago (edited)

Not dark but something I kept hidden for 13 years. My ex loved karaoke, and we went to karaoke bars all the time. He sang his heart out and never doubted that he was an excellent singer. He... wasn't. I absolutely hated going because he flat told me I "screeched" so I sat there unable to even dare trying, while he warbled off key for years. I never told him.

0points

POST

Ivana 3 years ago (edited)

20points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

Sounds like your husband was a real jerk about women/virgins. Hope he's changed.

20points

deathrose 3 years ago

20points

Susie Elle 3 years ago

In hindsight, I've been r***d by my first boyfriend. This still effects my attitude towards and comfort during s*x.

15points

Burs 3 years ago

I am so sorry. That is horrible

18points

Shane S 3 years ago (edited)

When I invited my partner of 8 years over for a one night stand that lead to our relationship, I thought I was inviting over someone completely different. I got the names/numbers mixed up.

13points

Mindghost 3 years ago

Thats crazy. Faith i guess? :D

1point

Steve Wilson 3 years ago

I wish I hadn’t read any of this.

7points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

It breaks my heart to read about so much suffering from people who should be able to access professional help, but seem not to be able to, or to be too afraid to.

6points

Steve Ramaekers 3 years ago

There’s a lot of need for professional help in these posts rather than likes on social media

5points

Hannah Edwards 3 years ago

4points

Sarah Kitsune 3 years ago

Some of these really hit hard. I‘m now triggered and sad :/

2points

Ms.GB 3 years ago

If there are only a couple cokes or chocolates left I hide some under the vegetables in the veggie drawer, the guys never find them because they don't eat veggies unless I prepare them lol!

2points

Ivy la Sangrienta 3 years ago

I hide my red bull under the lettuce, lol.

3points