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It’s not all sunshine, rainbows, and delicious cookies after a homemade dinner when you’re part of a family. There are some… secrets there, in the nooks and crannies, behind smiles and twinkling eyes. Growing, spreading in the shadows. Or locked up and hidden away out of fear that somebody might accidentally stumble upon them. Most of them are shocking. Very few are pleasant. And often, once they get out, there’s no putting the genie back in the bottle.
Reddit users shared the family secrets that were finally spilled out into the light of day after user u/AbsoluteHavoc asked them to in a viral thread on r/AskReddit. The thread got over 70k upvotes and more than 18k comments. The secrets revealed there are quite jaw-dropping and some of them are far from pleasant. So be warned, dear Pandas! Scroll down if you’re feeling brave.
I reached out to redditor u/AbsoluteHavoc, who created the original thread about family secrets, to get their opinion. They were kind enough to answer Bored Panda's questions in detail. You'll find my full interview with the author of the thread below.
This isn’t the first time that Bored Panda has written about deep and dark secrets. When you’re done reading through this list, we invite you to take a peek at our earlier articles right here (family secrets) and here (babysitter secrets).
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My uncle served in Vietnam. While over there, his troop found a baby that had been orphaned or abandoned. My uncle was shipping back to Australia soon and wanted to adopt him, but my aunt said no. My uncle's troop found a family to raise the baby, and that's the story the whole family knows. The secret is that my uncle and some other guys from his troop stayed in contact with the family and the kid, sending them money every month to help raise him and then to help him go to university. Eventually they helped him and his adoptive family move to Australia in the late '90s.
The author of the thread, u/AbsoluteHavoc, opened up to Bored Panda about what inspired them to ask the question about family secrets in the first place. "I wanted to make a thread on r/AskReddit that would gain some insight from a lot of people, but also to allow people to voice their opinions on family matters that they thought were shocking and surprising, and how it made an impact on their lives and their family lives," they told me.
"I had no idea it would end up getting over 70k upvotes. I was surprised by the number of people who had stories to tell and how the community positively responded to each one," they admitted that they were caught completely unaware by the fact that their thread resonated with so many people.
In the redditor's opinion, whether or not someone chooses to divulge their secrets to their partner or family is up to them and "can be beneficial both ways." On the one hand, openness can lead to trust; on the other hand, some secrets would ruin any relationship if revealed.
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#2
My grandma didn't drive. I thought she couldn't, but it was just never discussed. One day, no one would take me to the store. Finally I said I'd just ask Grandma, and my cousin chimed in with, 'Grandma can't drive.' But Grandma said, 'Oh, you bet your sweet ass I can drive. They just don't let me!'
"Years later, my mom explained that during Prohibition, Grandma bootlegged alcohol for moonshiners. She was so successful at it that when the moonshiners were finally busted, her license was suspended by the state. Later in life, she was told she could petition for it back, but it came with an admission of guilt or some such. She told 'em to go to hell.
#3
When I was 5 years old (1988), Santa Clause left a Nintendo on our front porch. It was wrapped in newspaper, and my parents had no idea who gifted it to us. My dad, particularly, tried to figure it out. He was always suspicious that it had been a family friend. It was by far the best gift of the year, and we played it all the time throughout our childhood.
My dad died in 2004.
Last Christmas, my mom explained that she was the one who had bought it and surreptitiously placed it on the porch. My dad really liked to be in control of things and had forbidden the purchase. She knew better. She didn't tell a soul for 30 years.
"Keeping secrets, especially involving family, can hamper communication and relationships that are crucial. It can also put a lot of strain on relationships and people may think that revealing family secrets will ruin the relationship they already have with others."
I asked the author of the thread whether they think that every single family has secrets that they wanted to stay hidden. "I think most families aren’t without a story. And within that story, there are possible secrets and controversial things that families want to keep hidden because they think it benefits the family as a whole by not coming clean about the issue," they told Bored Panda.
#4
My grandmother recently died. She was famous in our town for her amazing cooking and catering. Notably, her gravy was absolutely amazing. So delicious. She had a heart attack several years ago, and her near-death experience convinced her to share some of her secret recipes with me — all except her gravy recipe. When she died this spring, I was going through her pantry and found an entire bucket of KFC gravy mix. She was literally using KFC gravy mix as a base to make her incredible gravy. Huge scandal.
#5
My father died when I was 17. During the viewing, a young lady and her boyfriend showed up. She was probably two or three years older than me. Nobody recognized her, so she was asked why she was there; she stated she was there to see her father. My siblings and I were naturally confused; our mom just stood there shaking her head, and my uncles asked her to leave. She left crying in her boyfriend's arms. Our mother explained that our father had an affair years ago and that was our stepsister. I never heard any more about her, never learned her name, and have never met her. I would like to meet her and apologize for my family. Seeing her rejected and crying because she couldn't even attend a viewing for her dead father bothers me to this day.
Lord Mysticlaw 2 years ago
Half sister, not stepsister And if the mom knew, why didn't she stop the uncles from chasing her off? It's not her fault that their dad had an affair.
#6
When my paternal grandfather died, the federal government reached out to do a state funeral. He was a colonel, so we didn't question it. Then the funeral came and they went ALL OUT! Huge procession, people showing up who are really big names, like heads of departments, senators, retired senators, people from the CIA — it was nuts, and we were all super confused. Turns out he was a key dude in the OSI during World War II, and when the OSI splintered into the CIA and Secret Service, he went the Secret Service route. He wasn't on the White House detail but instead worked in a covert office that dealt with counterfeiting and currency. For whatever reason, he told no one about all his work, and the only person who knew (my grandmother) was sworn to secrecy.
"Every family has some type of obstacle they don’t want everyone else to endure, even if it involves other relatives. I think the number of answers and responses helped me learn something. I learned about the variety of problems that these people have gone through and how some of these issues can range from minor to major. Overall, I think r/AskReddit is a great platform to ask insightful questions and allow people to share their stories," they said that the thread that they made and the responses it got has been a very educational experience.
Earlier, I spoke about trust, transparency, privacy, and keeping secrets with certified relationship coach Alex Scot. She explained to me that there’s a difference between privacy and secrecy and we should be honest with our loved ones about the things that directly affect and impact them.
Alex told Bored Panda that we should imagine ourselves in the position of our partners or family members when considering whether or not to share something with them. Transparency is vital in romantic, as well as in familial relationships.
#7
My mother had a child when she was a teenager, and she had given him up for adoption to a family. After this, she went to college, got her degree, married my father, and gave birth to my 4 siblings and myself. ~30 years after giving her child up for adoption, I remember her getting a phone call and immediately locking herself in her room. I was about 12 at the time. I remember feeling scared because I could hear my mom crying, but she didn’t want to see anybody or talk about why she was crying.
On an evening later that week, my parents sat each of us kids down and told us about my mom’s past and explained that my half-brother had reached out to my mom wanting to meet her and get to know her. My dad had known ever since he and mom were dating in college, and I believe my oldest sister had been told previous to this point. But the rest of my siblings and myself and all of the in-laws on my dad side (my grandma, aunts, and uncles etc.) didn’t know about this part of her past. We are fairly religious/conservative, so it was really shocking at first.
My mom then flew out to the state where my half brother lived with her sisters and met him. Both my mom and my half brother were both very nervous about the whole thing, but by the end of their trip meeting each other, they got to rebuild a relationship. After a bit of time, we (my siblings and I) got to meet him too.
Fast forwarding to now, he’s since moved to our same state and we see him much more frequently. He’s in all of our family pictures, we see him occasionally for holidays and birthdays, and we all see him as part of our family. We’re a very close-knit and extroverted family, while he is much shyer, so at times he’s can be a bit more distant than we would like, but we give him his space. I know my mom stays in close touch with him, and we love it when he’s able to make it for family dinners and whatnot.
Back then, I was the youngest and (up til then) the only boy in my family, so I loved learning that I had an older brother. Now that I’m an adult, I sometimes get his old clothes because were roughly the same size. He’s got good taste too so I really lucked out haha. I love that this family secret was spilled and that we were able to welcome my brother into our family and have him in our lives.
#8
Oh man. I got a gooder.
my aunt met a fellow in germany and after some conversation found out that they had grown up in the same small town in Canada. The world is after all, a small place. So they keep going further down this childhood rabbit hole until realise that this guy is actually my aunts long lost half brother. As it turns out, my grandparents had a bit of a polyamorous thrupple going on shortly after they immigrated in the 50's but around the time my aunt was 6 the whole thing fell apart and the third partner took her kid, cut off all contact and apparently moved to germany. Rather than explaining things to their remaining 3 young children my grandparents opted to tell them that there had been a terrible car accident and that the other mom and son had died.
And so my aunt and her sisters mourned and went on with their lifes with vague memories of another brother and aunt who had died when they were very young... untill my aunt met him in a bar in hamburg 36 years later.
Carole Reid 2 years ago
Amazing. I like the saying, "If you don't want any one to know, don't do it."
#9
After my mom died, I found out the real story behind my parents' marriage. She came to my father's country to visit some of her relatives. She met my father, and after just one week, she asked him to marry her so she could stay in the country. My father accepted because he had no one else and his parents were pressing him to get married already. But the highlight of the story is that over some time, the two of them fell in love.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago (edited)
Well if it’s meant to be it’s meant be, me and my husband of 20 years lived 2 blocks from each other and never crossed paths
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the relationship coach told Bored Panda.
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she said.
#10
I started having problems with my teeth. Spontaneous abscess that resulted in multiple root canals. My dentist did some looking into what the cause might be and found some really odd abnormalities with my incisor roots and nerves. When my next appointment came up, he was really quiet for a bit before verbally stumbling about. It turns out that what was happening with my teeth was a classic sign of inbreeding. I brought it up to my mom and she was like, 'Oh well, yeah, didn't you know?' Of course I didn't know! Turns out that not very far back in the family tree, several of my relatives decided that it was a good idea to get married to one another and no one bothered to mention it.
#11
this is kind of messed up, but my parents told me my mom had a bad back because i pushed on her spine during birth. this was what i thought all my childhood. i think i was in my teens when my older brother told me my dad pushed my mom during an argument and she fell and had to have surgery.
I thought I ruined my moms back my entire childhood and those SOBs let me believe it :(
#12
We went to my grandmother's for Christmas dinner, and my uncle drank too much. He kind of hinted that he had an affair with my mother. A couple of months and two DNA tests later, we found out my sister is actually his daughter. My dad never spoke to his brother again. And of course, my parents got divorced. And I needed a lot of therapy...and chocolate.
Once broken, trust is difficult to rebuild. Relationship coach Alex said that it’s “always a challenge” to reforge ties that were broken. Time, apparently, doesn’t heal all wounds equally.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
#13
My defacto uncle (he and my aunt never married but have been together since well before I was born, with a few hiccups) has a child with another woman. It became common knowledge when the girl was 6 and was starting to understand the situation.
At first it was a bit scandalous but she's been welcomed with open arms by my entire family, including her half-siblings' maternal grandparents, she's treated the same as all the other kids her age. Her half-sister (my cousin) has a daughter the same age and they're best friends, go to the same high school, totally inseparable, technically aunt and niece haha. She comes to all our family events and she's an awesome kid, we're all stoked to have her in our family!
Lord Mysticlaw 2 years ago
This is so wholesome. My mom and dad were divorced when I was really young and I don't even feel very accepted by his family.
#14
My aunt wasn't my grandfather's child. He met my granny when my aunt was a very sick infant; she had polio and wasn't expected to survive. My granddad married my granny so she could get on his insurance and move to an area that had proper medical support. My granddad loved my aunt as if she was his own, and I never knew until she went to her bio dad's funeral when I was a teenager.
#15
My sister cheated on her husband throughout her entire marriage to the point that all three of her kids have different biological fathers.
#16
Last week, I discovered that my dad died two years ago and no one bothered to tell me. I'd been looking for him. He was a drifter and I'm his only child. I stumbled across his headstone on findagrave.com while digging through Ancestry. His marker was labeled 'Beloved brother.' My aunts and uncles are pieces of s**t...I'm not hard to find. I don't even know how he died.
#17
After I was molested by my uncle, it came out he had done this to another one of my sisters and my family covered it up, particularly my mother. Now I know why my sister didn’t like how close my uncle got to me when I was younger.
Lord Mysticlaw 2 years ago
How tf does a mother cover this up and allow this man to be near her children again???
#18
My cousin is actually my sister. Apparently my mom got pregnant really young, and her much older sister adopted my sister and raised her as her own.
#19
My grandfather was an atomic soldier. Instead of sending him to fight in the Korean War, they sent him to Nevada, where he witnessed the mushroom cloud. After that was over, he was ordered to march to the detonation point, where he was unwittingly exposed to high amounts of radiation. Luckily for my family, my grandpa is now in his nineties and the rest of us are cancer-free and fairly healthy, but this is medical information that we really should have known earlier!
#20
I see a lot of stories about people finding out that who they thought was their parents weren’t the people raising them and this one is a little bit different.
My dad always thought his father who raised him wasn’t his biodad and the father thought the same. He was treated terribly by his father because the father was told he couldn’t have children and my father was born prematurely (but at a healthy weight). So, everyone assumed my grandmother had an affair and got pregnant with my dad. It was to the point that after my grandmother died, my grandfather failed to even mention to his new wife that he had a son and grandchild (me).
Years later, my dad gets an AncestryDNA test for him and me. He find out that his dad was actually his biodad. It was shocking and sad.
#21
Found out my grandma had a baby as a teenager, and my great-grandparents forced her to give him up for adoption. Forty years later, he found us.
#22
My fathers brother killed 4 girls when he was in high school. My father was the one who found out and told the police.
#23
Ever since I was younger my grandmother on my mom’s side would always behave strangely at dinner. If you were looking at a dinner menu , she would see what entree you were looking at and say, “Wow that sounds good! Can I split that with you?”
Same thing with appetizers, drinks, literally everything. “Hey wanna try my soda?” It always struck me as odd and some what annoying because I don’t like splitting food. She would creepily watch as you ate your food and didn’t take a bite of hers until you swallowed yours.
She became estranged from my family several years ago for a multitude of reasons (gambling, asking for money, harassment, and her overall past history of abuse against my mom when she was growing up). I then asked my mom why my grandma always behaves so strange at dinner. Well turns out my grandma is paranoid that her food will be poisoned. She refuses to take a bite of food or drink until someone else “tested” it first. It creeps me out to think that she theoretically thought the food was poisoned and had ME try it to make sure it wasn’t. Waiting intently to make sure I didn’t drop dead or have some sort of reaction after taking a bite. Love you too Grandma!
#24
This is years ago, and I only got a few rough details, but my baby mama's dad wound up getting caught in a sting trying to purchase a teenage girl. He had a separate apartment all set up, transferred the funds and when he went to the "delivery" meet, was arrested by the feds.
#25
After my mom’s mom passed away, a severely-disabled, wheelchair-bound man attended my grandmother’s funeral.
It wasn’t until that moment that my mom learned this man was a brother she never knew existed, who was born mentally-handicapped & had been institutionalized since his birth.
#26
About a month ago, my mother-in-law's 88-year-old sister revealed on her death bed that her husband's best friend was actually the father of all four of her children. Her husband was an abusive jerk, by all accounts. While everyone was shocked, no one was saddened by this news.
#27
My mother often had stories like:
"At your age, we got up at 4am to work on the farm, after the job, we went home to have lunch with your grandfather, then we walked 10km to go to school, and when we were back , we used to work in the field in a tractor until it was 6pm to go and cook dinner for your grandfather."
And me like "Yeah but ... he didn't work the farm with you in the morning?" and she was changing the subject.
I learned in Easter that my grandfather was alcoholic, got drunk every night, didn't get up in the morning to go to work, or was in fake jobs to lie to the family and go to drink, while the children had to go. in elementary school and manage a farm.
Then he was in prison because he touched the neighbour's children.
When he got out of prison, he took out a loan of $ 30,000 in my grandmother's name, and ran away with the money.
Then he died a few years later.
My grandmother bought herself an used Ford LTD, and no one cried at the funeral. 30 years later, I learn who my grandfather was.
#28
I always had an Aunt Candy. I never knew why we called her that when her real name was Karen. Turns out Candy was a prostitute and my uncle was her #1 customer. They later married and she kept the name Candy for some odd reason.
#29
My grandmother had an affair with the gynecologist who delivered my dad. We learned about this after she died when we found some of the letters they exchanged.
#30
Found out my uncle is actually my brother. My mom had him when she was young, so my grandparents raised him.
#31
My great-grandma was Cherokee. I took a DNA test and have no Cherokee ancestry. (I have questions.)
#32
My great-great-grandfather was exiled and banned from Missouri for being a sheep thief.
#33
My uncles are infamous criminals who killed multiple people. I thought they bred dogs.
Julia Atkinson 2 years ago
Every true crime fan on this thread is now speculating about cases involving killer brothers
#34
The scars on a elder family member's wrist where not from a botched suicide. They were from her mom trying to 'protect' herself and her kids from the approaching red army. (That was at the end of WW II in Germany). This made it so much worse.
Dorothy Parker 2 years ago (edited)
Was the mom going to kill herself and her children to avoid being tortured by the red army? I just looked it up, the expected sexual atrocities were what the red army, the Soviets, were known for.
#35
I only just recently heard about this, but my grandmother had gotten a little drunk with my dad and brother a month or so ago and started talking about our great uncle Ferber (not sure on the spelling), but from what I heard he apparently killed quite a few people and buried them on some family-owned land in a swamp.
#36
My dad passed away 2 years ago. He and my mom were married for 34 years. He was a good dad and husband, I have no ill-memories of him.
Just found out that for the middle 10 years he was living a double life and had many mistresses on the side.
Now my whole childhood feels like a sham. I don't know what was real and what was fabricated.
#37
My mom cheated on my dad with my now-stepfather. I knew the divorce was in 1996, but my mom and stepfather started dating in 1995. On my 18th birthday, my stepfather confessed to me in private that they had an affair and he still feels awful because he feels like he broke up the family. Some years later, my stepmother told me that my mom actually kicked out my dad without telling him why. She just 'needed a break.' My dad later found out through the landlord that my stepfather had moved in.
#38
My mother is kid number 7 of 10. My aunt, the fourth kid, was born in 1945. She looked at her ancestry and found out that she has a different father from everyone else. She was devastated. There was always a rumor that there was an affair, but nobody talked about it. She has so many questions, but nobody's alive to answer her.
#39
The nanny I had when I was younger was actually my dad's attempted sister-wife.
#40
My dad fathered a child in high school. His side of the family knew, as did my mom. We found out, years after he died, that we have a half sister.
What do you think ?
Donkey boi 2 years ago
My great-grandfather was a forger, he was imprisoned for 5 years in his early 20's. He must have suffered a great deal while inside because he refused to talk about it. A few years ago my grandfather was contacted by some BBC researchers asking if his father was still alive and if he was willing to talk about his experiences in the war. My grandfather explained that as Irishmen, they were not really involved in the war. The researcher then arranged to meet with my grandfather because there was 'something he wanted to show him'. They met, and it turns out my great-grandfather was not in prison at all! He was creating false documents for the French resistance, British spies, and around 2K fleeing Jews. Much of his time was spent behind enemy lines and he even survived 'a thorough and intensive interrogation' by the SS, which explained his scars. The man was a hero and nobody knew, which is the best kind of hero IMO.
lazy panda 2 years ago
We need a book or a movie about this man! This is amazing!
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Jo Choto 2 years ago
All these stories make it really clear that in the past, most families probably had these kinds of secrets about who was whose father/brother/mother/child, etc. I can understand why a lot of older people are really, really reluctant to take DNA tests. So many family secrets. Hopefully we have reached the point where most of us don't judge people on this kind of stuff, and maybe not having all these secrets will be much healthier.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
yep, I know someone who adopted a kid in the 1960s because he was "illegitimate". Imagine taking a kid away from his mom because she wasn't married? pathetic religious garbage ideas.
Load More Replies... Donkey boi 2 years ago
My great-grandfather was a forger, he was imprisoned for 5 years in his early 20's. He must have suffered a great deal while inside because he refused to talk about it. A few years ago my grandfather was contacted by some BBC researchers asking if his father was still alive and if he was willing to talk about his experiences in the war. My grandfather explained that as Irishmen, they were not really involved in the war. The researcher then arranged to meet with my grandfather because there was 'something he wanted to show him'. They met, and it turns out my great-grandfather was not in prison at all! He was creating false documents for the French resistance, British spies, and around 2K fleeing Jews. Much of his time was spent behind enemy lines and he even survived 'a thorough and intensive interrogation' by the SS, which explained his scars. The man was a hero and nobody knew, which is the best kind of hero IMO.
lazy panda 2 years ago
We need a book or a movie about this man! This is amazing!
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 2 years ago
All these stories make it really clear that in the past, most families probably had these kinds of secrets about who was whose father/brother/mother/child, etc. I can understand why a lot of older people are really, really reluctant to take DNA tests. So many family secrets. Hopefully we have reached the point where most of us don't judge people on this kind of stuff, and maybe not having all these secrets will be much healthier.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
yep, I know someone who adopted a kid in the 1960s because he was "illegitimate". Imagine taking a kid away from his mom because she wasn't married? pathetic religious garbage ideas.
Load More Replies...
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