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Family dynamics can be complex, and everyone has at least one story of how problematic their parents or siblings can get. But some take things a few notches higher with how disturbing their situation can get. 

A chunk of those people shared their experiences through answers to this Reddit question: “What made you realize that there was something ‘off’ about your family?” 

A few commenters revealed experiencing a level of neglect from their parents that they initially thought was normal. Others were astonished by peaceful, tensionless interactions during dinners at a friend’s house. 

This list has some of the best answers from the thread. Scroll through and see if any of these hit close to home.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I was maybe 11 and my friend was supposed to spend the night at my house. I was a bit embarrassed because we could hear my family fighting, but I didn’t consider it a bad fight because the walls weren’t shaking and no one was throwing or breaking anything. She told me if I ever needed somewhere safe to stay that her mom would come get me and I could stay with them. I knew her mom wasn’t the most stable person in the world, but that woman took care of me from 11-18 any time I needed anything. I could probably call her now, years since I’ve last spoken to either of them, and she would still treat me like family.

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ADJ
ADJ
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, for how much she helped you when you needed help, you should at least call her every now and then. She did so much for you, and yet you didn't call her in years.

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#2

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I went to a friend’s house after school one day, and her mum called us down for dinner. I was astonished that the whole family sat down at the table and ate together, and chatted and joked and laughed. They actually seemed to be ENJOYING each other’s company. There was no tension, no one was yelling or being sullen, no hint of threat in the air. Just a simple fun dinner. Apparently they did that every night! Shocking behaviour. I privately thought her family was really weird for that, but once I started making more friends, I began to realise it was MY family that was ‘weird’. ☹️.

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Susie Elle
Susie Elle
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I can't remember we ever ate at the table together, for any meal, and if we did, nobody would notice I was even there.

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#3

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family Hearing from other kids how generous their parents were: Taking them to a pediatrician, giving them basic advice, caring about their feelings, helping them out when they were struggling... Then realizing all these things weren't about going above and beyond but rather what normal parents do.

DeathSpiral321 , Fernanda De Freitas Report

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Schrödinger's Douchebag
Schrödinger's Douchebag
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is genuinely so sad. Every child should have this as the basic level of family life.

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#4

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family Lots of Abuse and neglect, living in filth, mice, roaches, if something broke, oh well. We had a broken window for years, it was ridiculous.
My best friends mom used to have me bring my laundry on Friday nights in a pillow case, and she'd wash it for me for the next week of school. I used get PE as my last class on purpose so I could properly shower and wash my hair with actual shampoo, not Palmolive. My secret family made sure I had everything I needed from 12-17. Even bought my shark week supplies because my mom would buy the cheapest Kotex and cut them in half for me to use ( i was the only girl) .
When it was health week at school and they passed out hygiene kits, I took everything i could and if my taken care of friends didn't want theirs, I took those too.

I left at 17 and never looked back. My dad was not as bad mom, yes neglectful, but he went thru alcoholism and worked A LOT, so we got left at home with the abuser. In did reconnect with him as an adult and they had divorced many years before that and he genuinely was a sweet man who changed his life and was so sorry.

But about at 14, I even stopped eating anything from the house because everything was contaminated with roaches and grime. . I was big into sports, so was my bff, so her mom would always have a salad or sammich for me in the car, and always a capri sun and some fruit. I ate breakfast and lunch at school with the reduced lunch program that I signed myself up for.

This was in the 80s and some relatives later told me that they called CPS a few times, but they only counted bedrooms and never once talked to me or my brother. CPS in the 80s, was a joke. I'm glad I was secretly adopted 😌.

graeflamingo , Joseph Gonzalez Report

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#5

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I told a funny story about the time my dad was getting ready to give me a belting but he was so furious he didn't keep a good grip on me and I dodged the blow and he whacked himself across the shins.

That was at a party in university. I'll never forget how I finished the story with a chuckle only to be met by a wall of horrified silence. Later a friend took me aside and kindly informed me that it wasn't funny or normal for a dad to routinely beat their child with a leather belt.

unrepentantgeraldine , Meruyert Gonullu Report

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Guess Undheit
Guess Undheit
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing about telling horror stories about your childhood is that people often don't believe. And when you say you cut off contact, their first response is to stupidly ask "what did YOU do" instead of asking what THEY did. I know all about that sort of violence the guy is saying, the difference is I knew it was always wrong, but nobody listens or believes when you're a kid. They assume you're a liar or seeking attention.

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#6

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I entered public school at thirteen. Was bullied by the kids who immediately picked up on my lack of social skills. I was as polite and pleasant to them as I would be to anyone. A month later, once I had established my first ever friend group, they told me how unusual my inability to be bothered by bullies was, citing my extraordinary ability to be unbothered by verbal abuse.


Being taunted for my physical appearance wasn't unusual to me because that's how my parents spoke to me. That's when I knew my parents were different. It had never occurred to me that my parents were different because I had just always known they Didn't Like Me and that being laughed at and called names by them was... just how they treated me. 


Apparently it's really unsettling to bullies when you genuinely laugh off their comments or double down and provide an even worse description of your failings without having any negative emotions around it.


It made me feel very proud of myself for the things I knew I was good at and in an odd way provided me the confidence to be curious. My parents didn't care about me or anything I did so I had to seek out what was important to me and accept the influence of people I genuinely respected and admired.

That-Condition9243 , Mikhail Nilov Report

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#7

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I heard a classmate's mom tell my parents about how much she adored me and how much I lit the room up with my personality, and that she was glad I was friends with her daughter. I never heard anyone in my family speak with that level of positivity and depth about anyone, including family. I was confused as to why I could leave an impact on essentially a woman I interacted with in passing, but my parents couldn't even remember what grade I was in.

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#8

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family The first afternoon I spent with my best friend's and now partner's family I was six years old, I fell and scraped my knee, as six-year-olds do. His dad rushed over and helped me up, telling me it’d be okay and that I was okay and that we’d go clean it up inside. I had never had an adult clean my cuts before, no one had ever taken care of me before, not since I was old enough to feed, dress and bathe myself. I realised then that my parents were supposed to take care of me.

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Joseph Miller
Joseph Miller
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should probably stop reading these. Some of these are heartbreaking.

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#9

When I travelled across the country and spent a few weeks with my partner’s family during Christmas. Honestly, it was the fact that when his brother forgot to bring the stuffing to Christmas dinner everyone reacted appropriately and in proportion to the situation. Nobody died…we just ate more of the potatoes. Sure there was some gentle teasing towards his brother for forgetting the ONE item he was in charge of but everything turned out just fine. It was such an appropriate response to such a small problem. In comparison, the preceding year at my family’s Christmas my uncle KICKED my mother because they had a disagreement (and I don’t even remember what it was about).

There was obviously more to it than just this incident, but that’s the moment where it really hit me. Aaaaaand then I spiralled big time. I tried to break up with him because I fully planned to kill myself once I arrived back home. I thought there’s no coming back from this, my family and myself are so completely irredeemably WRONG that I don’t have any hope of being a functioning person, let alone part of a real FAMILY! What am I doing here, why am I wasting everyone’s time?

It was a very dark moment, and nobody could figure out what was going on. But even though I seemed absolutely insane, everybody just…carried on and continued trying to include me. 5 years later…we’re still together (and I’m slightly less crazy!).

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LB
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm happy that the inlaws were able to hold this person

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#10

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I had multiple moments like that but the one I still think about the most is actually ironically menial.

I'm 30. Seven years ago I had already been in therapy for years to work through, amongst other things, the trauma my family's abuse has caused. I had already been through the "Wait, other parents don't beat their kids senseless?"-epiphany.

But what broke me was my boyfriend's mother telling me that "of course" she had used lactose-free products and "obviously" the dessert had no hazelnuts the **second ever time she met me**.


Not once in all this time had it occured to me that I'm allowed to expect people not to feed me stuff that will literally put me in agony.


Double awesome if you know my dad's a doctor, my mom's a nurse...

Schattentochter , Tirachard Kumtanom Report

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#11

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family My father had an extremely bad temper. One time when I was 13 years old he picked me and my friend up from school and my dad was in a really bad mood. He started screaming at me for being too stupid to know something or other. I was used to it and totally silent. When I was with my friend later, he was in complete shock. I downplayed it and I told him it’s totally normal. He said “no, it’s not”. And, I never forgot that.

Blu3Ski3 , cottonbro studio Report

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#12

When I had to get a couple mandatory vaccines the summer before college because I had never had a single vaccine. (Anti-vax parents). I spent that entire summer getting 1 shot in each arm every week because I wanted to get all of them.

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#13

Realising there was a strange contrast between my dad owning a garage of 10 sports cars and owning an airplane and we flew by private jet when he wanted to go on a family holiday. But, my mom’s debit card would regularly decline in line at the supermarket and we’d have to put some items back. And when I realised my mom “owes” my dad money, and he charges her interest on her “loans”. They’re still together. Now I recognise it as financial (and emotional) abuse.

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#14

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family My friends moms didn't start undressing and rolling around on the floor in front of the TV when they didn't get enough attention.

That was odd to me.

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Mel Colley
Mel Colley
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to read that a few times just to be sure I processed that right

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MetaMaxNL
MetaMaxNL
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"That was odd" sorry but really laughed out loud when i read this.. your mom is nuts btw

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#15

At school in the bathroom, maybe 4th grade, my elementary school best friend saw the welts and bruises across my legs from getting “whooped” with a belt and immediately took me down to the school office crying, called her mom and told her, and the office ladies were kind to me for the first time ever. My bf’s mom showed up to the school and I went home with them that day.

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Tempest
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s one amazing friend! Being able to recognise that something was wrong at that age shows how well she was brought up. Glad OP went home with them!

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#16

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I spent an afternoon at my friend's house when I was about eight. Her dad randomly asked us if we wanted to do anything fun and he ended up teaching me how to play Monopoly and how to ride a bicycle. It was then that I realized that spending quality time with their kids is something that normal parents did. In our house my parents would never do anything with us during their free time outside of going to the mall and eating out.

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#17

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I was around at my best friend's house and her dad happened to be there, he came in to say hello, my bf said something mildly cheeky to him and I held my breath and tensed up waiting for him to kick off... he just laughed and teased her back. I'd have been about 7. It was revelatory, and helped me keep my sanity until I could afford to leave home.

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#18

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I realized I didn’t wanna bring my friends or future partners around them because I was afraid my family would be mean to them.

moonsonthebath , cottonbro studio Report

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#19

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I was crying to my mom about my step brother choking me to the point I was turning red and some bystander had to pull him off of me and she just shrugged and asked if I had done something to him, I also told my dad and he got angry at me.. Definitely f****d up that's for sure.

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#20

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I went to work as an Au Pair after university. I was shocked that people have family dinners and talk about how their day went and that children's answers were taken seriously and not mocked or dismissed. I was shocked when the kids' dad went out of his study to ask his children "How are you?". I

was shocked that parents actually take kids to activities that their children like and not to those they, the parents like. I was shocked that you can have fun with your parents and have fun around them. Dance, sing, run and they won't make fun of you. I was shocked to find out about movie nights for family. Like, parents actually watch a kids movie with children and don't just turn on something they want to see.

I was shocked when the dad did the majority of the cooking and not because the wife was not around but because he actually liked cooking. And that he was affectionate towards his wife. I was so shocked when he just randomly brought her flowers, when they cuddled on the coach.

At first they seemed crazy, but then I realized it is my family who is not alright.

fragielijs , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

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Joseph Miller
Joseph Miller
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not 100% sure that an Au Pair would be the best job for a person in this position.

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#21

My mom brought me to an evangelical church multi-media show/“play” that simulated a school shooting (you then watch all the “heathen” children go to hell after they die) to ensure that I understood the gravity of hell and what not choosing Jesus as my savior meant for me.

I was nine. Still have nightmares about it at age 31.

Apparently other parents don’t do that. Huh! /s.

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J9
J9
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thought I've heard everything,but this WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

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#22

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I think it was the first time I talked about what my house in California was like when I moved back to Florida as a preteen.

Yeah, it turns out living in a hand made shack of plywood and plastic tarps on a man made jetty as part of a homeless colony in Northern California for a year is not a "typical" thing families do.

Oddly enough, chopping up and burning your Christmas tree because it was the only fire wood available to you on said jetty 4 days after Christmas due to the fact that your parents abandoned their 7 year old and 2 toddlers under 3 to go “help" your dad's brother with "cooking" is also not a universal experience and your 5th grade class and teacher will not think it's a silly goofy story and have the most horrified looks on ALL of their faces.

Yeah.

My parents did a lot of questionable things whilst on m*th. Like cook m*th.

The_Jacob , Rupinder Singh Report

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#23

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I was told not to talk to my friends about certain things that happened home because "you don't share everything with non family members" and "they won't understand".

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Corvus
Corvus
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When an adult tells a child to keep secrets, this is usually a big red flag.

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#24

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family Probably around the time my step mom put a lock on the outside of my door and would lock me in my room with a little bowl of snacks and a TV that only got like 3 channels. Also how we went to Sea World and they just left me in the car (at least the windows were down.).

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#25

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family The big, grown-up Uh-oh realization happened when my mother asked me and my siblings to lie about our identities and claim to be visiting cousins when CPS showed up. Oh and then when we fled the state. I was nine, definitely old enough to know that was bonkers.

Girleatingcheezits , Josh Applegate Report

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#26

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I was probably about 7 or 8 I realized that other families spent time together on vacation… like, they would go do activities *together* and their kids didn’t just spend time hanging out with staff or locked up in the hotel room. When I was a kid and we went on vacation, it was clear that it was *my parents* who were “on vacation”, we just got the privilege of tagging along. Our job was to spend as much time away from them as possible, and not need them for anything.

… Then I realized other families *also* spent time together *when they weren’t on vacation.* Like, I never realized that other families went for walks, or played together, or played sports together etc outside of daily survival activities. I thought kids playing basketball with their dad was only a thing that happened in movies.

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Barry
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me more about these "daily survival activities".

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#27

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I realized my family was off when my mom encouraged my brother to join the street life, not for financial reasons, but genuinely just so she can brag (i don’t even know how it’s something to brag about but hey, ghetto communities.) that her son was out there “running s**t”. I only realized it was f****d because of the tv shows and movies I seen of the family n friends trying to get the main character to LEAVE the street life, not join it.

RScudda , MART PRODUCTION Report

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Lowrider 56
Lowrider 56
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3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately, being in the 'street life' and going to prison is seen as a rite of passage.

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#28

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family Seeing families hug each other. We’re a family that does not touch.

Its_Curse replied:

I think I saw my parents hug twice and kiss once. No one ever hugged me. It took me a while to figure out how to do it. Even now, I'm weird about PDA and hugging other people, though I certainly want to be normal about it — just stuff like giving my partner's mom a hug goodbye.

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Kat
Kat
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't realize this one for awhile too. 🤷‍♀️ nobody in my family hugged. I got a hug from my mom on my birthday, and most Christmas. It was only sad when I was little, I got over it by first or second grade. ... I hug a lot now! ☺️

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#29

This is probably the opposite of what you expect

My family actually loves each other. A lot. I tell my mom and brother all the time (rip dad, miss the hell out of him), even my sister in law. Always end phone convos with I love yous and stuff.

This is in contrast to many of my friends. Their families are not affectionate at all. It’s off to me but mine is off to them.

I chalk it up to my dad having to take care of his brother and sister a lot and vowing to be around for his kids and my mom just being the baby of the family.

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SirWriteALot
SirWriteALot
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom always invaded my room when I had friends over, asking if we wanted snacks or neede something to drink or if we'd like to come down to dinner. It embarassed me all the time and my friends were like "yo, your parents are so awesome ..:" :-)

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#30

Therapy. Got introduced to the idea of narcissism and everything suddenly made so much sense.

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Tempest
Tempest
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

During my very first session with my therapist I gave a general recap of my family and how it was like growing up for me. I have a lot of mental health struggles but I found it difficult to pinpoint to a single point in my childhood as the cause so when ending my recap I told my therapist “I don’t know why I’m like this because it’s not like I faced childhood abuse.” She immediately said that what I mentioned was emotional abuse and that can explain a lot of my problems. It was so relieving to be validated by my therapist. The abuse was really hard to recognise because it was so subtle and no one on the outside could have seen it.

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#31

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family We grew up in the country and the cops knew our names and we knew theirs.

friskevision , Kindel Media Report

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Lost Panda
Lost Panda
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*On first reading* That's a good, quaint community. *Upon remembering article topic* Oohhh...

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#32

Thanksgiving 1998. My first memory of my paternal grandmother, is her telling me it's okay that my father abuses me, because I chose to look like my mother to torment him (mom divorced Mr Hog that summer). 

 I was only 4, but even I knew it wasn't right.

The following Easter, he kicked me out of the car because I refused to stop being sick, and drove off. He was abusive daily, frankly. But those actions showed that he felt that he was RIGHT to do it.

They genuinely believed that I 'started it'.

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Strings
Strings
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And suddenly, my right index finger is itchy. Would LOVE to have a lil talk with your father

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#33

When my friends would tell me about the help they would get for things like homework and their parents always showing up to pick them up, school events, parent-teacher conferences etc. I thought it was very normal for parents to just forget about you because of how busy they are and as long as I wasn’t causing trouble they had no interest in us. They would repeatedly go on vacation/ date nights leaving me from as young as 8 to take care of my sister, then refusing to pick up phone calls and telling me I was being overly dramatic.

I remember one night where my sister had a bad tummy ache, I tried to make her a hot water bottle and by accident spilled the boiling water over my hand. Of course nobody answered the phone, but I went to my neighbor who was shellshocked to see me by myself trying to take care of my burn.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one hits me hard. I used to stand outside the school gates on Thursday evenings, after rugby matches. Waiting for my stepfather. Thursday also happened to be payday, so he’d be in the pub. Often he’d drive home drunk, only to be reminded to head back out and pick me up (still drunk). A teacher once saw I’d been waiting in the freezing rain for several hours, and secretly had a chat with several other boys’ parents so that I’d be offered lifts after matches.

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#34

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When my mom spent a couple days actually cleaning the house and coaching me on what to say and not say when CPS came to question me and my sister.

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#35

I was too embarrassed for my friends to come over because how poor and dirty my family was . Whenever I went to friends houses I was so amazed by the simple things that I thought they were super well off . Some where but many weren’t.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew we weren't as well off as other families, but I didn't realize I grew up poor until basic training and meeting people not from my middle of nowhere town

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#36

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family When I was at my friends' house and they just grabbed snacks from their pantry. The one at my house was always locked and we were not allowed to get anything out of it. Things would rot.

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#37

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family The day my mother insisted I go to the bank with her, I didn't feel like going but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I was 18, I accidentally slammed my thumb with the car door, it was bleeding and the nail was coming off so I got out to go take care of it and she was so angry that I wasn't going after all that she burned rubber leaving. No concern about me whatsoever, then or later on. I didn't have my keys though so I was locked out. I had to walk a mile to the neighbor's for help with my thumb. When I told them what happened, the look of horror on their faces told me none of that was normal.

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Giraffy Window
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some ethereal guardian smashed that thumb to prevent mom getting a line of credit under Op's name.

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#38

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family My mom saying my dad was dead when he wasn’t. Yes, really.

Imagine my shock when I ran into him at the doctor’s office when I was eight along and the doc herself made damn sure (pre-hipaa) who tf that was, to my mom’s absolute fury.

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#39

My college friends called their parents every week, some more often than that. I always dreaded talking to my mother. It wasn't until I started getting to know my ex husband, and then after I met his mom, that I realized how absolutely off my mother and my household was because of her. I remember being amazed at times that my friends could call their parents at any time about any problems and their parents would help them whereas if I had a problem I knew I'd dang well better solve it myself and that if my mother found out about it, there would be zero concern for my welfare, and I would have hell to pay for inconveniencing her. As an adult, I retained a relationship with my stepdad and slowly came to the realization that he would have helped me, but I know I still would have caught hell from my mother no matter what.

I also realized as a young adult that my friends' parents knew and cared more about my life than my own mother did.

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Widdershins66
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Dad died to be released from my mum's toxicity. He'd been kept completely under her thumb, scared, 24/7. Really weird though : he so loved her "in sickness and in health"!

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#40

Earliest memories of starting school and mom always threatening me to never tell anyone what happens at home. Every school assignment that involved telling about family and home life I either didn't do or lied. Yeah it didn't take me very long to realize how f****d up my life was growing up.

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#41

Middleschool friends confronted me about my parents being physically abusive toward me, citing it as why they did not want to come over to my house anymore. I argued that it was a totally normal thing and they were blowing it out of proportion. They told me none of their parents hit them.

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#42

I remember being jealous because all my friends had curfews. My parents would never notice if I didn’t come home. It felt like such a caring and lovely thought to think a parent expected a kid to be home at a certain time each night and would even sit up and wait for them to return.

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Giraffy Window
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was never given a specific curfew, but my Dad never went to bed until I got home, and my parents would conversationally chat with me about what my friends and I did that evening. I think the fact that we just walked around for hours and hung out made them feel I was ok to stay out.

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#43

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family I got to go over to a few other people's houses and realized that most people's houses really, basically, *do* look like the ones on TV. Sure the furniture may be cheaper, or maybe there's a little clutter, so more in the territory of Married: With Children, or Roseanne. But yeah all these other houses more resembled the houses on TV than my own. It turns out most parents aren't hoarders.

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Widdershins66
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup😳 I try my best to not hoard now, it's difficult but I do random clear outs to the charity shops and try not to make purchases at the same time! I have what i call manageable stacks of boxes but try asking me what they contain and I'd draw a blank. I forget what I've bought and sometimes end up with two or three of the same. Things are kept "just in case" 😕

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#44

In first grade when everyone else’s parents came to the end of day performances and my mom screamed at me and told me they were too busy. I never told them about another school performance and only ever asked to be dropped off for after school activities/games/performance’s if I couldn’t get a ride as I got older.

Seeing other parents lovingly pack lunch, remember things my classmates needed for projects/school/sending them well prepared for weather. I was very young when I started to other myself, I was more mature than all my classmates, they just didn’t understand how to be grown. When in reality I was horribly neglected, I stopped asking for the things I needed very early because I knew I was going to get screamed at and punished.

I worked as a nanny in my 20’s for several very loving families who cared and were invested in their kids day to day life and it furthered how uninterested my parents were in me and how ashamed they should be for their neglect. Thank god for my older sister who is 7 years my senior, she showed up and every single event she could for me until she moved away when I was in 5th grade.

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Widdershins66
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes 😕 i learnt early never to ask for anything!!! I too grew up faster than my peers. I was fairly independent by time I was 8 😎

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#45

3rd or 4th grade when I started spending a lot of time over at friends' houses. They all seemed to have very strange families. They did things as a group, laughed a lot, and actually seemed to enjoy each other's company.
I hope they got through their childhoods OK.

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#46

Oh, easy. When you're sent to visit your family overseas one summer and you're shocked to see that the mixed-race family next door is polite and lets you play video games with their kids, and your aunt doesn't tell you off for playing with someone who isn't white.

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#47

I didn't know that most kids don't cry nearly every morning before school every day of their entire school career. I was a failure of a student because I could never focus or pep up and do the work. I didn't actually succeed until college, long after my parents kicked me out. I was such a stressed out kid. All because my mother would scream at me and hit me and tear my room apart nearly every morning.

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#48

When I was 8 my mom let me go to my friend Maria’s for sleepovers. Her mom would cook and Maria said she never had to cook dinner for her family. We got to be silly and talk at blockbuster and got to get candy for the movie we picked out. At her house we could stay up late and there were no consequences for sleeping in. I always thought their house was messy because her mom didn’t make her clean. I realized eventually that normal kids don’t have to cook and clean and take care of siblings. That that was actually the parents' job. Maria didn’t really have chores. She took music lessons and was in sports and we had Girl Scouts together so she didn’t have time to do all that and her mom understood.

At my house the only way out of chores was getting a job. Which I did starting at age 12. Got a summer job detassling corn that I really loved.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have mixed feelings about this one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with children having chores. In fact, they should have chores. However, their chores should of course not be doing all the housework for the family, or taking up too much of their time, which seems like what was happening in OP's case.

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#49

Was shocking to realize none of the other 6 year olds were left at home, alone, all day long with just enough food to survive. I didn't realize this when I was 6. I realized it somewhere in middle school when I was explaining this to some classmates and they were all shocked.

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#50

I felt a weight lifted whenever I spent time with other families. 

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#51

When I was in elementary school and I would go to a friend's house. Her parents and brothers were really nice to me. They never made fun of me or said hurtful things to me. Their dad never screamed at the top of his lungs if they made a mistake and never slapped any of their kids for asking a simple question. In general, whenever I went to her house, everyone was kind and pretty calm.

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#52

Whenever my aunt accused her own daughter of sleeping with her husband…who is also her daughters dad…

I’m not sure what compelled her to think my cousin was sleeping with her own father, especially since she was just 16 years old at the time, but man am I happy I lost contact with that side of the family.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad and I were always close, and he never did anything abusive of any kind to me. He just tried to do his best as a divorced, joint-custody dad. When I was 12, my mother made plans to move us out of state. When I begged to stay with my dad, my mom accused him of sexually abusing me, saying that it was the obvious reason that I wanted to stay with him. Like WTF? In the end, she still let me stay with him and finally there was a little peace while she was gone.

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#53

Other kids *wanted* us to go to their house, didn't get yelled at in front of me, their parents would come out of their room to say hi and not call their kid to the room and loudly tell them to hide the valuables.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad would just come out in his underwear to yell at us all repeatedly. Usually liked spending time at friend's houses for multiple reasons

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#54

When other people started commenting on how jumpy I’d get, especially from loud noises. I still get spooked by my fiancé on at least a weekly basis, and he tries so hard not to accidentally sneak up on me 😅.

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#55

Looking at kids who were morbidly obese and thinking "I cannot imagine that non-stop hazing and abuse from that kid's dad over his weight" and then learning that other kid's parents didn't constantly berate them and humiliate them over every detail of their appearance like that.

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Tropical Tarot
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fat and lazy were frequently heard in My house. Turns out I was eating my feelings and I had ADHD and decision paralysis.

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#56

When I was proudly telling people that I was taking care of myself at age 6. Doing at least 30 or more chores every day. Home alone for 16 hours a day. (Truck drivers) yeah. Kinda made me think then!

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#57

When everyone else’s home smelled like laundry and food and my home smelled like alcohol and weed.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My niece told me I was her favorite aunt because I didn't smell like beer and cigarettes.

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#58

My girlfriends Dad just hugged her brother(his son) and said I love you big as he was leaving their house. We were all over for a casual dinner in the week. I'm almost 31. I knew I came from a broken home but it kinda struck a chord with me.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. My biological father has never (to my memory) told me he loves me or is proud of me. I stopped talking to him about ten years ago, just after turning forty, because I was tired of always trying to get him to love me.

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#59

As an adult, some friends started sharing cute stories about getting mad and 'running away from home' as kids. Their moms would pack them sandwiches and play along until the kids just stopped being mad. I realized that I could never show anger or run away because I didn't think my mom would let me come back.

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#60

When my family arrived at my aunt's house, her family went from laughing and jovial to quiet and anxious.

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#61

Probably around when my dad kidnapped me.

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#62

What was perceived as tattle-telling and weak, was just my friends seeking help from their family.

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#63

Probably when we became homeless when I was around 5 or being teased about how I always wore the same clothes.

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#64

When I realised that in most families, 90% of them being alcoholics isn’t normal.

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#65

My uncle and aunt divorcing but planning to pretend to still be married because they didn't want to tell my Grandma. I was in my 20s, my uncle and aunt were in their late 50s/early 60s.

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#66

My house is where every friend I had tried liquor, beer, weed, cigarette, dip, cigars, swords, guns, R&X rated movies and did all around bad things. My mom was never home, going out to party at the bar with her friends Every night. When she was home she was flipping her s**t like an unhinged raving lunatic, running late for something she all day to get ready for. Was Like a child, I grew up before she did.

Most of those same friends had families that cooked and ate dinner together, did their home work and were in bed at decent hours due to parental supervision.

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#67

Knowing my dad and brother would go to strip clubs together and my brother would carry my drunk dad inside while my mom was at home and she would just accept it then my parents would go to church on Sunday. This happened a lot. My parents would get drunk at their friends house and pass out in their bathrooms hung over. Course who had to coddle them the next day, me. F-ing twats.

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#68

Was like oblivious to my parents relationship. Then when I was like13 they started randomly making a huge show of awkwardly chastely smooching in the hallway where my brother and I could clearly see it. A year later they were divorcing.

Im guessing their therapist or something told them to attempt to maintain a sense of normalcy for us or to make public gestures to see if it helped, but obviously to no avail.

I just remember being a kid and being like "why do my parents seem to like each other all of a sudden"

They didn't, but they tried to pretend they did. hm.

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#69

Hearing other folks tell their parents they loved them, and vice versa. I don't think that my parents and I ever exchanged those words until I went to college. I love my family a lot but boy howdy are we repressed.

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#70

When I asked my middle school best friend why her mom didn’t like me and she said, ‘oh it’s not you, it’s your mom she hates!’.

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#71

When my little brother was appearing on the scene and I knew that I had to step up because there weren't enough adults in the house to care for three kids, so the middle child was going to have to put in work to fill the gaps.

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#72

When I realized other people had doorknobs on their interior doors. My dad took all the doorknobs off when I was a baby and never got around to putting them back on the doors. Even the bathroom doors. Why? Who knows. It's lost to the mists of time. It could be because he was a terrible handyman and a procrastinator.

He also once punched a hole through the wall of my brother's room trying to fix an outdoor faucet. That hole to the outdoors was there for years!

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#73

I think I just generally got the idea over time that it wasn't normal for a daughter to come home to her mom reading a book naked on the couch (my mom called it "airing it out"), or that hand holding or kissing family into early teens was odd. No, there was absolutely no sexual abuse. Just a lot of openness about nudity, and an extention of forms of affection that are more socially accepted when someone is still a toddler.

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#74

Probably when I wouldn't even see them or talk to them on any way unless it was a holiday. Outside of those occasions it was like they didn't even exist.

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#75

I watched Full House as a kid. Every time the kids got I trouble the guardians would calmly talk to them and give out some sort of punishment. I always thought I wish my parents would be like that all they did was scream at me until I cried if I did something bad. It took me until my 30s to realize that Full house was 100% fictional. Parents did actually gently punish their kids.

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#76

30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized Something Was ‘Off’ About Their Family The first time. (This was in the '80's) We were doing a unit on the census so we filled out a census form. I knew I had a big family. But under "number of telephones in the home" mine was 14 the next highest was 6.

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