Bored Panda spoke with Megan Logan, a psychotherapist and author of the #1 best-seller Self-Love Workbook for Women. The book empowers women to focus on their own emotional health and make positive changes by nurturing self-compassion. Although targeted to women, there’s great advice in it for everyone who wants to learn how to appreciate themselves better. 

That’s why we asked her to indulge us with her expert knowledge and views on why we feel pride. To start with, I asked Megan what pride means to her and she said, “Pride comes from our ego-based view of ourselves and our achievements, accomplishments, and the internal and external qualities that we believe make us worthy. Having a sense of pride allows us to appreciate our gifts and strengths and permits us to share in our relationships and the world around us. 

We also spoke to Charles Awodu, author of the Wisdom Series On Humility, Pride and Strength and President of the Word of Light International. The organization has been at the forefront of inspiring, motivating, and effectively turning the lives of people around with their message and use of faith.

Charles told Bored Panda, “Pride is an instrument for motivation and commitment towards achieving success, as well as a dangerous trap for downfall when wrongly exercised. It is a double-edged sword or emotion that can make or mar the possibility of making a difference in life.” 

He explained further, “We have good and bad pride. Good pride drives you towards a life of excellence and reminds you that there is potential in you that needs to be discovered or maximized. Bad pride limits the extent of your impact and conditions your mind to oppress or disregard the good works of yourself and others.” 

So, as long we can identify what ‘good’ pride is, it can be very beneficial. It’s taught to us early on in life for our development. Maybe it was your parents putting your little, scribbled drawings on the fridge or getting a sticker for finishing a fun run. Although these weren’t works of art or comparable to completing a 26-mile marathon, it’s important to receive recognition for our skills and talents.

Maybe in later life, we don’t receive as much recognition. What was once considered an achievement is now just an everyday task. You tidied your room without being asked? Great job, you want a medal or something?

But it’s not to say there aren’t impressive milestones that can be completed as adults. And everyone has their own struggles and dreams—goals that they want to reach. Some want to buy their first house or make their first million. Others may just want to find peace and be happy with who they are.

Everyone defines their achievements differently, so that’s why it can be hard to appreciate your success when you compare yourself to others. And there are times when you feel proud, but something inside you forces you to push down these emotions instead. It feels like there’s no winning with it.

I asked our expert Megan why this is and she answered, “Some may struggle to recognize achievements because they feel like they are being arrogant or self-focused if they acknowledge it. They may also struggle with feelings of low self-worth. These feelings come from internalized societal and cultural messages, and even familial beliefs.”

It can be difficult to overcome these feelings, that’s for certain. But you can see the people here have opened themselves up to sharing their accomplishments, and we’re glad to see it. So, how can others learn to do the same? 

I posed this question to Megan and she said, “Increasing awareness and becoming more mindful of the negative self-talk, can allow someone to replace these beliefs with more helpful and encouraging messages. Having a positive relationship with ourselves allows us to keep going when we face challenges or roadblocks which leads to our success.”

Megan shared her feelings with us on how she looks at pride in her own life. It goes to show that it’s something everyone needs to assess about themselves. She said, “I've learned to appreciate my values aligning with my efforts and my internal qualities and talents that allow for success, rather than the actual accomplishments themselves."

We asked Charles the same question and he gave us his perspective on it. Continuing on from his idea of positive pride, he said, “Many struggle to recognize their achievement as good pride because of the orientation they have about it. For instance in religious settings, whenever the word ‘pride’ is being mentioned, it is most often about the negative kind of pride. This has destroyed the potentials of so many people because it made them see their strength as bad pride—made them think less of who they are.”

Charles agrees with the need to assess ourselves and our relationship to pride. He continued: “It must be noted that the need to remind people about the positive sides of pride will help ignite their consciousness towards living their best life. There is nothing wrong with recognizing the role you have played in attaining any success. As long as you live, you will always have a part to play in order to achieve your desired change.” 

Megan also gave her views on the other side of pride, just like Charles has mentioned. She told us her views on what it means from a psychological perspective. She said, “When distorted in meaning, pride (just like self-love) can seem negative and perhaps even arrogant. I believe that this kind of pride, rooted in insecurity and shame-based beliefs about ourselves, leads to an over-compensation and over-focus on external measures of success.”

“Having ‘too much pride’ shows up sometimes in being unable to ask for or accept help, or boasting about external achievements as the complete measurement of self-worth. Pride works best when balanced with gratitude and a focus on how our values align with our efforts.”