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People Who Chose Not To Have Children Reflect On Their Decision Now That They’re 50 And Older (30 Answers)
It’s no secret that these days, more and more people are consciously choosing to opt away from childbearing. And while some still believe it’s a thing brought by new generations—millennials are eye-rolling right now—that’s not exactly the case.
Many people from generation X, which refers to those born between the mid-1960s and the early 1980s, have made the same decision. Falling between baby boomers and millennials, gen Xers are known for minimal adult supervision and thus for learning the value of independence and work-life balance. Some of them are also enjoying life childfree.
So when someone posted a question “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?” on r/AskReddit, it immediately turned into a very interesting thread. Below we collected some of the most illuminating answers that explain the decision and put it in a whole new light you may have never thought about.
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#1
I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.
And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way.
Plenty Pineapples 4 years ago
Much better to simply not have children than to bring children into this world because you "should", then feel like the victim because you now have to raise them. I wish my parents made that choice rather than bring 3 children into the world and now we're all completely f*k'd up. The worst part is, the constant, soul consuming self doubt I have towards myself as a parent as a result of my upbringing.
Jo Morris 4 years ago
Is that the only photo to match up to being 55 years old? Yikes! That's what I'm turning next year so at least I know what I'm going to look like lol.
Monica Martinez Castañeda 4 years ago
My exact thought. That woman on the photo is way older than 55!!!
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Brandy Grote 4 years ago
My "choice" was taken from me. Military delayed treating my cervical cancer. Surgery meant low chance of getting and staying pregnant. Waited to be stable before even considering kids. Between our health and genetics, kids will not happen. We're saving them from having genetic issues, including dying from cancer.
Otter 4 years ago
My sympathies, I'm really sorry you had to go through that! Being child-free isn't always a choice, I mean for some of us it's very clear where our path lies, but for others it's an agonizing decision, and others have an option they don't necessarily want forced on them. Mother Nature isn't always kind.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
I chose to be childless. I knew I had a very poor example of how to be a mother. It was an abusive environment that my father chose to not put a stop to. Don't judge him Pandas. He had reasons that I came to understand when I grew up. He was between a rock & a hard place. I was mostly an imposition on her. I was terrified that's who I would be & didn't enjoy children. A dear friend of mine experienced a surprise pregnancy. She completely understood my approach to this. I said I would be more than happy to babysit anytime until he's a year old. The next time I'm alone with him will be when we can go out for a beer together. It turned out I was alone with him at 2. It was moving. Another time the 2nd degree black belt karate teacher was being beyond inappropriate with him in class & I was so beyond furious I had to step outside, otherwise I would have gone & taken him on to defend my nephew. We went out together when he was 16. He's a man now. I love him more than life. But a mother? No
Ulla Gundersen 4 years ago
I am so happy for you. Love is so rewarding. As a mother by proxy? you have got som of the pres. One of which can be greater courage than normal, given to mothers for protection of their children. It’s not necessary for it to be biological all the way. 🤗
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Kookamunga 4 years ago
Why are all the photos of 80 year olds? Clearly this post was made by a youngster!
Ulla Gundersen 4 years ago
Actually, some do. Genetics, sun, wine, smoking can lead to this. I have seen examples even younger. The wibes she gives off are youngish so it makes me think.her age might not be too far off.
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RELATED:
#2
I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.
Otter 4 years ago
Yes, I too seem to have been born without parental instincts, but unlike you I actively dislike children! Better for everyone this way, really.
GoddessOdd 4 years ago
Agreed. I find children unpleasant... and when parents are fawning over Jimmy's first vomit or whatever, I marvel that parents find their little yard apes so delightful. I would never hurt a child, I would never lie to a child or do anything bad, but I just don't care to be around them much.
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Habeas Corpus 4 years ago
AND I was thinking the same, why is with those IMAGES and they dont even match that age bracket, that lady is more then 60, and the words say in her 50s, ya right, the second time around, or what?
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Christina Uhlir 4 years ago
The human overpopulation is killing our planet, not having children is more than a personal choice. Now, what to do with those irresponsible people with no parental instincts who have many children, not being able to support them?
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Everyone thinks this is peculiar - not wanting kids - we know ourselves maybe there would be less child murders and less kids in community care sometimes I think some people use children as status symbols! Before you have kids know yourself!
Habeas Corpus 4 years ago (edited)
something about this having KIDS thingy got me thinking about a ole time joke about, I saved a love today, i changed my mind.....think about it, I know most of those here know exactly what I mean!!! LMFAO YA think is there was anything in school worth listening to, it would be how to grow up kids, and not even that is taught! AND I think i know why, most teachers it seems show that this other saying is oh so true, "IF YA CANNOT DO IT, THAN TEACH IT!" AND I have grown to know what was meant by this, oh have I ever learned......AND than there is leaving the most important job in the world, after being a parent that is, is BEING a TEACHER! AND we as a society do not pay them nearly as well as we all need and should pay them! [i didnt articulate as well as I wanted to, but please try to figure out what I mean, thank you.]
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Rick Feibusch 4 years ago (edited)
We did not plan anything, Carolyn was on the pill 'till about 30 then nothing ever happened. We never felt a loss and did not go to the lengths that some of our friends did to produce offspring. We never experienced the joys, but also never had to deal with the heartaches either. The only thing I think about is that I had a wonderful relationship with my Grandfather, Sam (Pop) Kruger and we worked together in his supply business (brooms, brushes, boxes, bottles and bags), and hung with him until he was 92. I was still at San Francisco State at the time. Taught me much and we laughed and laughed. I would often bring him along home to my apartment after working, and my friends would show up and there we were, all smoking in my living room, Pop, a big stinky cigar, the rest of us passing a joint or two. After graduation, I passed up out-of-area employment to continue with Pop. He enriched my life and I'm sure I made his waning years way more pleasant. I missed that possibility.
JD Lee 4 years ago
I was the same. As I came from a strict religious household I wasn’t given the choice of marrying or not. My sex ED was, “If you get pregnant don’t come home”. I was 10. Ended up with kids.. I love them beyond words, but I’ve ruined (I feel) three lives because of it. Both my kids, & my own.
Janelle Collard 4 years ago
I started baby-sitting when I was 16. 4 years of that made me realize I NEVER wanted children!!!
#3
Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father."
"I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting.
Paul C. 4 years ago (edited)
I absolutely adore my niece and nephew, but my wife and I have never wanted our own kids. I'll tell you what though, if I could get my hands on child abusers (we've had a particularly bad case in the UK recently) I dread to think what I would do to them. Sad update: Yet another case today of a little girl of 16 months beaten to death by the mothers partner. I have no words.....
Tee Witt 4 years ago
What bugs me is the Grandma contact Social Services wanting to send photos, they did not wish to know, nor did the police. I would have them charged as well.
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Ozacoter 4 years ago
This is so me. I do not wanted children because I dont enjoy them (too loud and energetic). But a big reason is that I would be a terrible mother. Now that I am ill I wouldnt be able to carry them, take them to the park or play with them. But even before that I have too many anger issues and I would definitely be too harsh even if i didnt want to.
ChimeraBubbles 4 years ago
Same, a bit. I was actually too ill for kids and then got 'cured' and was given the green light to be pregnant. But we don't want children. I have anger issues too. I've been in therapy a lot so my anger is less intense these days but can still strike when I'm overwhelmed. You know who seems overwhelmed? Parents. Why would I subject an innocent child to that.
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Diane Cuomo 4 years ago
Exactly why I didn't have them. I love kids, but they require a lot of patience and when I was young enough to have kids, I had NO patience...
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I wish folx understood that parenting skills, good or bad, are learned behavior. I had a bad parent, so I broke the cycle by remaining childless.
Slarty Bartfast 4 years ago
This was at the heart of my decision too, plus the degrading state of our world: socially, politically & ecologically. No regrets - it was definitely the right decision.
To find out more about the childfree life that more and more people are opting for these days, Bored Panda spoke with Zoë Noble, the founder of the “We Are Childfree” community that celebrates childfree lives, one story at a time.
“In our world, becoming a parent is the default. It's not a choice or a conscious decision, it's not even visible—'everyone' just has children, because that's just what 'everyone' does,” Zoë told us. Meanwhile, childfree people challenge that idea and hold it up for everyone to see, maybe for the first time. “And that makes people uncomfortable,” she said.
The creator of “We Are Childfree” said that “if it's not a requirement, or even a good idea, for everyone to have children, then that raises questions about parenting, motherhood especially, and sex, sexuality, gender... so many of the assumptions that our patriarchal, capitalist, religious, heteronormative world is built on.” Zoë continued: “If you're occupying a position that mainstream society still sees as radical, you're supposed to have a bunch of good reasons, to be able to justify and defend yourself in a way that those who follow the script never have to.”
#4
My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learnt that the whole "well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older" line is complete bullsh*t. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Having kids to ensure a happy old age is total BS. I get this. My mum and I were the only ones visiting my grandmother. She had 4 children and 7 grandchildren. So no, I wouldn't count on the kids or grandkids at all. I just hope I have close friends, new friends, people I can talk to when I'm old and grey.
Lillukka79 4 years ago
And usually people who say the thing about having someone when you are old, are also the ones who put their parents to a nursing home ASAP, and visit them once a year at the most. So if that is what you teach your kids, why do you think they'll treat you any differently?
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Julia Atkinson 4 years ago
Somewhat OT, but this is closely related to "don't have just one child or they'll be burdened with taking care of elderly parents". My mother had two siblings, my father had three. None of them lifted a finger to help out when the time came.
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
My go to line would be "have multiple children to increase the chance that at least one will care to visit/ care for you
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SpookyPanda 4 years ago
A friend of mine's mother was in a nursing home. She told me that her mother was the only one to get visitors; most of the other residents never got visitors which was very sad. My friend would sometimes stop by and visit the other residents after visiting her mom.
Kathy Puls 4 years ago
Don't have kids just so you won't be alone. I am 61 and I have now outlived both of my kids.
Kookamunga 4 years ago (edited)
Yes, I wasn't aware I would be giving birth to a geriatric nurse!
Lindsay J 4 years ago
Don't have kids to take care of you when you're old. Take care of yourself when you're old. Make plans, choose a retirement community before you're forced into care. Make friends in a care home before you're bedridden. Don't rely on the young people because let's be honest, they all have lives of their own to live, just like you did. If you aren't visiting someone in a nursing home once a week right now there is literally no reason to expect someone else to do it for you.
Lui Passos 4 years ago
One has kids, share life, moments, love them, teach them and let them go. Getting old and expecting that they will stop their lives just to share the pain, endure a geriatric reality with you is an illusion. Having hopes and missing feelings is normal, but let the kids be as one wished to oneself: to live free.
Aleksandra 4 years ago
In Poland people use the argument "kto ci poda szklanke na starośc?" which means "who will bring you a glass of water when you're old?"... Basically making it sound like they have kids just to have a servant later in life. But I'll give them that - in our culture children really take care of their elderly parents, basically always. And usually they don't trust nursing homes. It still doesn't make the argument right ofc
Chris Zaydel 4 years ago
When my mom was in hospice with Alzheimer's, We made sure that one (or all) of us was with her during the day, everyday for 7 months. We rarely (never) saw anyone else visit their loved ones during that time. The wonderful young ladies that worked there told us it's rare. I get that it's an awful experience. But you do what you have to go, and we all got closer for it.
Ulla Gundersen 4 years ago
This is setting such a good example for your whole family. And your parent probably set that for you?
Load More Replies... #5
My wife and I chose long ago not to have children, but always left it open for renegotiation. We're 40 now and feel absolutely no regrets about not having children. Still feels like the right choice for us. Hopefully, we'll still feel that way long into the future.
Lots of folks ask us questions like, "who will take care of you when you're old?" or "what if something happens to your spouse?" No judgement, but to us, those have always felt like pretty selfish reasons to have children.
Tassenküchlein168 4 years ago
I guess all reasons to have children are initially selfish. - I am really happy to have my daughter, but I’m (of course) fine when people decide to be childless. Good for the planet as well.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago
That’s a lovely and understanding thing for you to say in this space, thank you :)
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Tenacious Squirrel 4 years ago
I can’t think of a reason to create a child (as opposed to adopting) that isn’t selfish.
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
The problem is the system. It is very hard to adopt and sometimes impossible.
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M Flo W 4 years ago
OH NO! Is that what a 40 year old husband and his wife look like? I'm gonna turn 40 next year, so will my wife. I'm a bit scared now tbh.
elSti 4 years ago (edited)
no worries, it happens overnight and it doesn't hurt.
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Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I can never remember wanting a child - I babysat as a teenager- but I was sure glad to hand them over to mom when she came home!
#6
F(56) No I don't regret it. I'm simply a loner by nature, and I'm happy hanging out with my cats.
H.L.Lewis 4 years ago
Yes cats are our children that never grow up. They just get old, die, and break our hearts when they do. But people who think cats are aloof and cold, and don't love us, don't really know cats. No matter what mistakes I have made in my life, getting my first kitten, which led to Many others and a houseful of cats, will never be considered by me to be one of those mistakes.
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Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I love books and animals they don' t want constant attention they need affection and fun, I love being alone with my critters!
Vicki Perizzolo 4 years ago
we crazy cat ladies have to stick together on that one! So much better than children
Ulla Gundersen 4 years ago
We all believe we will be hale, until we are not. I am 68 and have been getting weaker due to cortisone insufficiency, Then my knees caught up with me in a really bad way. Today is the day after surgery. My husband is getting weaker also, survived various cancers for 30 years. I insist he helps out a little even though he has been used to being excused in his previous marriage. We have to pay for every little job we need done, but when we succumb to pain and weakness, the nursing home is next. They are costed to your income but not very good because of staff being overworked. I am realizing that this might not be very far off for me. If I cannot get my strength back. I don’t think my son will set a good example for his kids. And I do worry for my cat. 🦁
GoddessOdd 4 years ago
I am 65, and having some health issues too. I have a houseful of rescued cats, and dogs, and like you, I worry what will happen when I pass or can't care for them. I wrote it into my will, that one of my friends who loves animals and has agreed to do it, will be given a sum of money to come and deal with the animals. Not everyone has a friend they can trust this much, but you can include bequests for care of your animals in your will. I am so sorry you're struggling.
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The swede. 4 years ago
Just like me. I am a cat "mom" and do not want either kids nor a partner. I am 33.
According to Zoë, the reality is that most people just want to have children, “and that's great—and some people, a far smaller number, just don't want to—and that's great too,” she said. “I'd love us to get to a place where something like We are Childfree doesn't even have to exist, because people have learned to respect each other's individual choices.”
When asked how Zoë realized she wanted a childfree life, the author said that she always knew she didn't want children. “I felt alone in my feelings and scared to live my truth. I'd heard women without kids described as cold, selfish and career-obsessed, and worried that people would think the same about me. Growing up, I didn't see anyone like me in my life or in the media, so I kept that part of me hidden, tucked away in the back of my mind,” the woman recounted.
#7
I'm 52 and I'm in bed watching the morning sky over the ocean with a mug of tea and a book. Quiet music and no one is demanding cereal or needs a diaper change or the car or to sleep in my bed.
Later, I will walk around a museum without a stroller and a screaming, hungry, wet baby or a gloomy preteen. Yes, there would be times that the kids would behave, but what's the percentage? BI will cook for one, not one vegan, one who only eats chicken nuggets, and another who will burn water if I let them near a pot.
I've never regretted my decision ever.
Vodka 4 years ago
relationship and children came up in a conversation with my neighbor last week. I'm female, 41, single, and childless. he's 58 male, divorced. he said he's met many women who didn't want children but changed their mind once they hold a baby. he kept saying I should be open to a relationship. I wanted to smack his head. I have a cousin in a different state and a friend in a different country, both around my age, 40s. my cousin has 2 boys, friend has a daughter; all around 10. reading/listening to their stories, getting photos and videos, picking random gifts.. are enough of "having children" for me.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I've held plenty of babies. Heck, I practically raised my youngest brother. Still got my tubes ties when I turned 20! Never listen to men on this issue because they don't fully understand the responsibility.
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Rivka Ostroff 1 year ago
actually kids behave most of the time, it is just that even one hour of misbehaving can spoil things. but unless you expect to hate your kids as people they are only kids for a small part of their lives. I am 33 and extremely close to my mom. And she is extremely close to her mom. Those relationships wouldn't exist if our mothers didn't raise us. It sounds like this person just hates people in general. I cook one dinner for my kids and husband, just figure out a rotation of dinners that you family actually enjoys. That being said I definitely don't think they should be a parent. No need to make up excuses about how s****y raising kids is, just don't have them if you don't want them the end.
Adam Kincaid 1 year ago
At 52 years old, you wouldn't be changing diapers or have kids screaming for cereal. Strollers, screaming hungry babies? Most likely at that age your kids would have left home. Most of the hassle people give as their reasons for staying childless is gone after the first few years.
Adam Kincaid 1 year ago
At 52 years old you wouldn't have kids demanding cereal or diapers to be changed. Most likely, any children you might have had would have already left home so you'd be in the same position you are now, except with progeny out there in the world.
Kitty Jordan 4 years ago
I respect the decision of everyone to either have kids or not have kids; I don't believe that kids should be pressed on anybody, and I believe that everyone has the right to choice (looking at you, Texas). That said, I don't like it when people without kids denigrate having them. My baby isn't "screaming, hungry, wet" most of the time - I'd say probably less than 5% of the time, in fact. The other 95%, I derive immense joy from her. I also enjoy time alone going to the museum, even as a mother. We can all respect each other's choices without denigrating them, please.
Rivka Ostroff 1 year ago
absolutely! And I don't make 3 dinners either. she just sounds like she hates people (which is honestly a good reason to not have kids)
Load More Replies... Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Alone again naturally and loving it - we have each other -can alone be two?
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
She's quite likely referring to when she sees that situation she's glad she didn't do that. But, not experiencing the wonderful side of kids doesn't help. When I was with my friend and saw her dealing dealing with my little nephew in a difficult issue in public I felt bad for her because people looked annoyed. But, by the same token, I went home to peace and quiet. She didn't. I Knew I would not be able to deal with that. So, no kids.
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Beef Brisket 10 months ago
Well, at 52, it would be highly surprising if you had a kid in diapers.
#8
Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other peoples' kids are great. Mostly because they are other peoples'.
When people ask "Who will take care of you when you're old" I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40 year old.
Caro Caro 4 years ago (edited)
Haaaahaha. Someone asked me if I wanted kids and I said "no but if I changed my mind I would adopt an 18 yo and send it to college" :D
Jo Choto 4 years ago
This whole "who will take care of you"? Let me tell you, there are plenty of old people sitting alone every day who HAVE children. I lived next door to one such woman. I have put plans in place so that my daughter does NOT have to take care of me. I don't want that to be her life, having to worry about taking care of me. I want her to live free and happy.
Randy Klefbeck 3 years ago
My mother always included me in the diaper changing of my younger brothers. Her spoken philosophy to my aversion to it (there was nearly 6 years difference between my next youngest brother and I) was "then when you have children, you will know how to do it." My youngest brother is the only one of us who had children.
GoddessOdd 4 years ago
I don't care about my 40 year old being wealthy... I just want them to love animals and care for mine after I've gone.
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#9
57 years old and childless. I don't regret it at all. I sincerely believe that I would have been a piss-poor mother. I'm an extreme introvert, and seeing my sister with her sprogs clinging to her all the time, wanting something or other -- food, attention, a toy, whatever -- and calling to her, mommy mommy mommy, convinced me of the wisdom of my decision. If I had had children, I would have been driven to suicide or homicide in short order. My sister's kids are grown into wonderful young adults, and I love them to death, but I need lots of alone time to remain sane, and you don't get that with kids. If I'd had them, I might have become one of those horrid humans who feed their kids Benadryl to make them sleep, just for some peace and quiet. Childless is better for me.
Walter Brameld 4 years ago
The one in this photo is actually a 35-year-old smoker.
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Caro Caro 4 years ago
This story is very honest. The constant calling for attention would drive me nuts too.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I'm 76 and don't look at all like these photos - if we go by the look I guess its good we never had kids!
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
That is me. I need way too much alone time to be able to have children. I too would have been driven to homicide or suicide. Thank all the gods I was born at a time which meant I wasn't forced to have children.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I'm a true believer of not pushing my wants, desires, and interests onto others, whether it's alcohol or kids. When someone says NO!, have the decency and respect not to pester them.
Things changed for Zoë when she moved from London to Berlin, Germany at about age 30. “I gained the confidence to embrace who I really am. A weight was lifted from my shoulders as soon as I started to say out loud that I didn't want kids. That's why, with We are Childfree, I want to empower people to embrace who they are, stand in their truth and live authentically—to know they're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with them.”
Zoë explained that being childfree has enabled her to pursue a life path that's fulfilling for her, and the flexibility to change direction when it suits her. “It's given me the freedom to move to another country, to change careers, to travel as much as I could. It's absolutely still possible for parents to do those things, but it is harder,” she added.
“I love the fact that I don't know what my life is going to end up looking like, and not having children has allowed me to pursue that sense of adventure,” Zoë concluded.
#10
No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!
Jeff Striks 4 years ago
Skipping kids and going straight to grandkids must be the dream. Too bad it's usually impossible
Grayson Wrigley 4 years ago
Man, if that was an option I could check, I'd be there in a second.
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Kelly Hartle 4 years ago
This is how I feel about my great-nieces and great-nephews. I can take them and shoot off model rockets with them and feed them candy, then take them home and sleep.
Bonni Poch 4 years ago
Lucky duck. Gets to reap the benefits without putting in the hard work. Love it!
#11
Yeah same, it took me years to really come to terms with this whole "I completely lack a desire to have kids" thing. First i thought I would magically develop the desire when I got older, and then I thought I was broken in the head, and then I thought I needed to just "talk myself into it", or have a kid and hope the feeling came. But I'm in my mid-thirties now and still don't have ANY desire to have a child. People always ask "why" I don't want kids. Like, I have 100 reasons why. But the most important reason is literally "because I don't want them". As in: "I don't WANT them". As in: it is simply not something I actively want. Why would I force myself to do something that I have no natural desire to do. Seems like a good way to mess up my life and some poor kids.
May 4 years ago
Growing up I just assumed I would have kids, because that's what everyone did. I still find myself asking coupled up people, when they plan to have kids, just because it's so ingrained in me that that's the norm. I never wanted any, so why do I still assume that everyone else does?
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
I always was told "You'll feel different when you have your own". Why would I take the chance on that being true? What if your wrong and I find myself not feeling differently? Then what do I do? You can't put them back.
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Shortstuff 5 months ago (edited)
I know of a couple. The husband decided after 17 years of marriage, when he turned 40 he wanted a child. Nagged his wife until she gave in. Very difficult birth, and she died shortly after giving birth, aged 41. He couldn't cope raising the baby on his own, so his parents raised the child. They were in their 70s. The father moved countries and never sees his son. Grandparents died and the boy is totally alone at the age of 18. The grandparents were my mothers neighbours. They had absolutely no retirement.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
When I was younger, I got this question a lot. I mean an awful lot. That's when I'd answer their prying question (and it is prying) with equally prying questions into their personal life. It's only fair.
#12
No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle.
Caro Caro 4 years ago (edited)
Best one here. Just no. I love being an aunty. The oldest is 26 and the youngest 10. So it's shopping and pub or ice cream and zoo... I love these kids. My 2 brothers have given me 7 kids to cuddle, spoil and when ornery to give back to the parents. They love us back and the adult kids jump in the car and come to stay here with us for a weekend and we have great fun. Typing this makes me realize that I miss them around sometimes.
Auntriarch 4 years ago
Yup that's me, aunt and great aunt. My niblings make me fizz with joy. The younger ones are breathtakingly cute and clever, the older ones bring me gin.
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Joseph Kastorff 4 years ago
Same. I have a 4 year old niece that I adore. I don't need more than being the "FUNcle"
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
We are not even cool aunt and uncle we hardly know them by choice - they have their own lives to lead!
Bnoname Ranon 3 weeks ago
My husband and I don't even have nieces and nephews -- thank you, God. I am an only child and my husband's siblings took up his example and also did not have children either.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Probably because you're the only ones who have any money to spoil them!
Bored Panda also wanted to find out what a Redditor who goes by the name tag IBeTrippin and made a decision to live life childfree had to say about their choice. In a response to the thread, the Redditor wrote: “I explain it to people like this—you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? Or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. It's basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.”
#13
I'm 57 and do not regret it. My husband thought he wanted kids when we were in our early years together, but now he is very happy as well that we never had any. It's allowed us a more free, peaceful, and debt-free life. The flexibility to make life choices we couldn't otherwise make is so much better.
I also don't think that people should have kids just so they have some sort of insurance policy in old age. It's wrong to bring other people into the world with the expectation that they'll serve you when you need them and, right now, I can't imagine any child is grateful to be brought into this world with what is surely coming due to climate change.
May 4 years ago
The financial thing isn't one of my reasons for not wanting kids, but watching how much worse off a colleague who makes the same as me, is financially, because she's a single mother, isn't making having kids any more tempting.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago (edited)
One of my coworkers quit today…her baby daddy isn’t making enough for daycare so she now has to stay home full time, just lost 1/2 their household income because of their 3 toddlers, we’re trying to scramble some extra food/household supplies for her, she’s honestly the laziest (at work) person I’ve ever met with zero life ambition and it was her life’s dream to birth children which is cool for her, her life’s goal is now over and now she’s gotta raise them for 20+ years before she can focus on herself again which is her next goal (She’ll be 50 when she can start “living her best life” again lol) but…..fck genuinely I’m so so SO INSANELY HAPPY I don’t have to base my life decisions on kids that have to follow me around!!! And all this extra stress…..sounds like a nightmare honestly, I’d be miserable, I wanna curl up and smoke weed and read memes at the end of the night. When we’re 65 we’ll be a lot different than these paw patrol parents who are 65, it’ll be really interesting :)
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Brian Bennett 4 years ago
In Canada Women who have kids get tax free money -honestly some of them reproduce like rats for the money - get the money and neglect the kids - it's a vicious circle!
Petra conig 4 years ago
I give up, u really need to look at picture of people in their 50s, u have a bizarre idea of age
Ulla Gundersen 4 years ago
A lot of people are thinking nursing homes for when they get older, mostly staffed with other people’s offspring it seems.. In Norway already a lot of the staff are immigrants or children of immigrants. The las 20 years we Norwegians haven’t been reproducing ourselves, and now in the pandemic we are understaffed everywhere. Being an affluent nation made this go under the radar for a long time.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
I have 2 kids. My daughter will be 33 in a few weeks. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years. My son is 41 & although we're close, he makes really stupid decisions that have led him to prison off & on since he was 16. The best I can hope for is someone to ensure my underwear is on the INSIDE of my clothing.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
It's a parent's responsibility and duty to raise their children properly with no expectations. They didn't ask to be born. They weren't consulted about being a caretaker later on while working full-time and raising their own kids.
#14
I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least.
So yeah... I have regrets.
H Edwards 4 years ago
I also 'missed' my ideal window for having kids due to being in two bad relationships in succession. At the time I thought I wanted to be a parent, but I'm so glad that I didn't have a child with either of those people. As I got older I realised that my desire to have children was dwindling, and now that it's too late, I don't regret that I never had any. And I'm extremely glad that I am not tied to either of those men by sharing a child.
Anyone-for-tea? 4 years ago
Yes, I’d like to hear more from people who are maternal, or would have wanted children if the situation had been different. I got really sick in what I imagined would have been prime settling down time, and am still poorly so that ship has almost sailed now. I’ve shed a couple of tears about it, but not too many. I have a lovely niece and nephew so I’m grateful for them.
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Stephanie IV 4 years ago (edited)
That’s a really sobering realization. BUT: having children is an insane amount of constant, crippling worry. First, because they’re small and fragile. Then, because they’re dumb but can move on their own. Then, because they’re full of crazy hormones that make them reckless and stupid. Then, because you can’t influence them anymore and you have to bide your time until they ask for help, all the while you’re watching them make grave mistakes. It’s harrowing. Between the worry bits, it’s really nice, though.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
No regrets here husband put us in such a financial mess were never going to get out!
H Edwards 4 years ago
Lol, do you have any idea how difficult it is to adopt?
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Candice Kamencik 4 years ago
I understand this. I never really wanted children, but I definitely regret not having the opportunity.
#15
Best decision I ever made. However it waant so much a decision as a knowledge. I knew from a very early age i would not have kids, just didnt see them in my future and never wanted them. I love my solo, selfish life!!! Do what i want, when i want
Suzy the observer 4 years ago
I was 12 when I decided to remain child-free. All the mothers in my family sucked. No good example of what mothering is and no maternal instinct at all.
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Sina 4 years ago
The best way of describing the complete lack of interest in having kids is simply that it's never been a life dream for me. Most people from an early age, when they're fantasize about their ideal life they can see a picture. A house, a white picket fence, holidays abroad, a perfect job, marriage and domestic bliss etc. If kids are in that picture, then yes, the person at some point in their life would like to have kids. My perfect life's picture never included kids. It included dogs. And I have nothing against kids in general, they're great as long as they're someone else's. I get to play with them, have fun, and when they get all cranky I can hand them over to their parents and go home.
Karen Main 4 years ago
I told my mum when i was 7 years old that i didnt want to have children. At 39 that is still true
Tiffany Gies 4 years ago
I’m 32 and have already decided I’m too selfish to have kids and I’m okay with that! I love sleeping and I have two fur babies that I love to spoil.I can also leave them one for the afternoon while I’m at work or want to hang out with my friends. The cost for a dog walker sure beats the cost of daycare lol.
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
Yes, the whole thing of it being a decision, and then having to justify that decision, really, really make me angry. Like the op I just knew. No decision to be made.
Melissa Hollowell 3 years ago
Thank you! What is wrong with being selfish? Its just me, my husband and our doggos. Why can't we put ourselves first?
Claire Elek 3 years ago
It's not a selfish life. It's what others see as selfish. It's a brave life.
Erica Cochrane 4 years ago
I was 3 years old when I first announced that I never wanted kids (I was watching another child have a tantrum at the time). I've never once changed my mind. I'm 31 now. I still never want kids.
IBeTrippin told us that they've never experienced pressure over children. “I can understand that there might be in some families, but there wasn't in mine.” When it comes to the decision not to have kids, the Redditor said that “neither of us were particularly interested in having children. It was not something we discussed and made a decision over. It was just the way it was.”
When asked how their life would have been different if there were children, the Redditor said that “certainly there would have been some career choice differences for stability.” Having said that, IBeTrippin made a point that “we weren't choosing not to have children so that we could live out some fantastic carefree life of travel and adventure” like it’s commonly assumed in our society. “It was simply because neither one of us were interested in being parents. It didn't appeal to us,” the Redditor concluded.
#16
Absolutely not. Knew by my twenties I didn’t want to be a mother. Never had a biological clock go off (it’s a myth). Glad to have had a life free of reliving school bullies, math homework, and most of all, of having to be responsible.
Suzy the observer 4 years ago
The myth is "It's different when they are yours" or "You love them instantly". Hum, no. Cue parental abuse.
Carol Gaudaur 4 years ago
i can't count how many times i heard that over my lifetime!!
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Rissie 4 years ago
The "biological clock" aka, hormones going crazy most definitely is not a myth. It's what got us to this point of this many people. But. The outside world has a greater influence too and genetic diversity will influence how strong those systems are. But please don't be naive. We f**k and breed to procreate like any other mammal and we're triggered by age old biological systems in place to keep on doing so. Those are actually able to stop that trigger in times of crises. So everytime I see someone with a baby right now, I'm just amazed by it.
Ann Turner-Drevalas 4 years ago
a biological clock isn't a myth, just not everyone has one. I didn't think I had one till my mid 20's & I'd been married to the right person for me for a couple of years. It kicked in with a vengeance at about 26..
#17
I wanted children but it didn’t happen for me. I had regret for years but now am at peace. I am 64
K 4 years ago
I wanted children but none lived. First was stillborn. The rest all late term miscarriages. 10 pregnancies in all. Like the op I've come to terms with it and both my husband and i are happy. Sometimes i wonder what life would be like but i don't dwell on it. We sponsor kids from his country and we have his sisters and brothers children so life gave us kids just not the way we thought.
Nicki Schussler 4 years ago
i am hoping i can get to that point. still in the wanted but didn't happen and i regret it phase. but it's not something that can be fixed and i don't think i made a wrong choice (didn't pick a guy just to have kids - not fair to anyone) so i know its something i'll have to come to terms with. its just hard right now.
Karen Lyon 4 years ago
That's me. My marriage fell apart, and then I went through medical issues that resulted in a hysterectomy. It hurt for awhile, but I did get so much joy from being auntie, and once I really got my career as a teacher of little kids (preschool, then Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, and now Transitional Kindergarten), I stopped feeling like I missed out on something.
Merilyn Horton 4 years ago
When you want kids desperately and it doesn’t happen: I think you eventually are glad.
ROSESARERED 5 months ago
I wanted them too, but it never happened. It was hard in my mid 30s-49s, but now in my mid 50s, very glad I didn't. I'm my neices and nephews favorite cool aunt, love them to the moon and back, and am trilled I can be there for them whenever they need.
Lesley Hibberd 1 year ago
As the eldest of six, I spent my childhood baby-sitting and changing diapers. I had no desire to go through pregnancy and childbirth, but I was brain-washed by my mother: "I had to do it, so you should, too." I assumed I would have children. She got pregnant with me on her wedding night. My three sisters all got pregnant very easily. I've behaved carelessly enough to get pregnant but never did. And now, I'm so relieved that I turned out to be infertile. My life has been a series of misfortunes; no man ever wanted to marry me. I barely made enough money to keep myself alive, let alone a child. At least, my life is the only one lying in ruins, no one else's.
#18
I'm in my 60s, happily married for 30+ years, and without children.
Most of the time, I'm happy about our decision. Sometimes, my husband and I both wish that circumstances had been different and that we had someone that we could count on to be there when we get old.
However, our reasons for not having children still stand.
We both felt the world was moving in a direction that can't be sustained. Research on global climate change wasn't part of the picture, but ecologically unsound practices were.
We're both from families where there are plenty of children and grand-children. So, our genes will be represented, without more taken from the available resources.
We both endured teasing about our physical appearances and didn't want our children to suffer the same.
We'd both been exposed to more than average levels of radiation and didn't want to risk it.
Personally, I was concerned about being a good parent. (My husband, on the other hand, would have been amazing)
By the time we were in a position to support having children, I felt I was too old. I'm the child of a 40-year-old mother who had 5 children before me and 1 after -- and although I would never have told her this, I really felt that some of us didn't get the time and energy that her eldest got. I didn't want to do that to another being.
So, instead of having kids, we participated in helping those already here, in a number of ways. In the end, we wish circumstance had been different, but in the main, do not regret our decision.
J.A. Rogers 4 years ago
Yet they both still wish "that we had someone that we could count on to be there when we get old." It's disturbing how often this comes up, even among people who have given their circumstances a good deal of rational thought.
Busy Panda 4 years ago
There is a downsides and upsides of everything, including being child free. This is just one of the downsides. If they are rational people, they'll find more than one ways to ensure their well-being in the old ages.
Load More Replies... Christina Uhlir 4 years ago
Having children comes without guarantee that they will be there when you're old.
Jacqlyn C Weir 4 years ago
Unfortunately I don't have my sister here anymore, she wanted children and I don't want any. I have to live with this constant reminder that my folks won't be grandparent if I don't bother. My husband wants kids but also says he's fine if I don't and we just do what we do. Because he actually wants kids is yet another though in my head saying I should have a kid for him and the parents. Is their happiness more important than mine? As a people pleaser I feel I should do what my family wants and sacrifice my own happiness. Even as a child I've always said I don't want my own children, and am still all about adopting them instead. Sorry I'm rambling, probably should talk to someone about this stuff instead lol.
Mohamed 4 years ago
Please don’t ever have a child in order to please someone else! You should always think about the child first. The child will be the one that would have to grow up with a parent that didn’t want them and maybe never will. Children can sense when a parent isn’t invested and it can hurt them deeply. If you don’t want children please don’t have them. Do speak to someone that would understand where you’re coming from and help you accept it and hopefully help you deal with the pressure from your family too. You have become a people pleaser most probably because of experiences that have happened in your early childhood and you could potentially benefit greatly from talking to a professional about it. Good luck and stay strong listening to your gut, as it never lies.
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Riley Quinn 4 years ago
Since the 70's, the global population has doubled, while our commonly-used resources are rapidly dwindling. Unlike the Boomers who went forth and multiplied, the younger generations are prescient enough to say no. Earth simply cannot sustain more people.
Deborah Hall 4 years ago
What an amazing answer. You are considerate and empathetic to the planet and the earth's future, but still take time to help other's children. We definitely need to slow down population growth if we want to reverse the harm we've done to planet Earth.
Deborah Hall 4 years ago
That is an amazing answer. Considerate of the earth and honest about where the world is going...but also that you care about other's children. We honestly do need less people on this ever decaying planet if we want it to survive.
#19
Not one bit, and with my medical and other problems, I know I made the right choice.
Bnoname Ranon 3 weeks ago
I am healthy as a horse, and I still made the right decision -- no kids!
Karen Lyon 4 years ago
That's also another issue I have. I have minor CP, which mostly affects my balance. I have always tripped/fallen/got knocked over pretty easily. Not a good thing if I'm to be lifting and carrying babies as Mom.
#20
I'm almost 50 so I'll chime in. I never wanted kids, just never had the urge. But I wound up helping raise my niece and nephew after their mom, my sister, died in a car accident when they were 7 and 5 respectively. I didn't have the full time, but split housing them on weekends while their father worked and his b*tchass wife didn't want them around. I had them every other weekend and about half of each summer for years. They're now 21 and 19, so I wound up as more parent-ish than aunt. They were a handful so I'm glad I didn't have any of my own, it was exhausting enough being a part-time parent substitute and, of course, I wish their mom hadn't passed away. Full time parents, you're awesome, I couldn't do it. At least their dad gave me money for all the time I took care of them, sharing my sister's social security benefits so I could feed and clothe the kids and give them some fun activities and camps.
I love the hell out of them, but still glad I didn't have babies of my own. They're good kids, I love them to death, but they've also broken my heart a fair few times acting up, making dumb decisions, but all kids do that. I'd beat the a** of anyone who messed with my niece and nephew.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Full time parents, you're awesome, I couldn't do it. YES you are awesome. I've seen some great parents (and a few crappy ones) and the time and effort and love they put into their children is amazing.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
I think OP isn't giving themselves enough credit. You definitely have parenting experience, more so than a lot of "real" parents. You have every right to say you raised a couple kids!!
#21
I work in education so I feel similar. I raise/ have raised enough people's kids at work. I don't think I have any energy to even think about adding my own in there. How coworkers can go home and parent after a long day of teaching, I'll never understand. At the end of the day I am peopled out and just want to sleep.
M Calad 4 years ago (edited)
I get this one. My best friend is a teacher and she has 3 kids, one of them is aspie. There was a period when the three kids were under 6 years old while she was working as preschool teacher. At a point she felt she was going insane. She was constantly sick, exhausted, had no patience or energy left when she came home. She loves her children but it all was (still is, although better as kids get older) too exhausting, draining and overwhelming. Seeing her lifestyle was the best contraceptive ever.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
So true. The best contraceptive is other parents.
Load More Replies... Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Some teachers are moms to some of us they give us what we don't have at home!
Caro Caro 4 years ago
That's true Brian. We all need a bit of mothering as kids (and sometimes as adults).
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I simply require an ample amount of intellectual stimulation, which children cannot provide. If I went from teaching to parenting, I fear you'd be hearing about me on the local news.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
So true! Although I do wonder if the fact I have no kids maybe makes me a bit too attached to my students :-/ I mean, ultimately most of them won't even remember me one day.
Busy Panda 4 years ago
You'll be surprised. The ones who are quiet and unassuming are usually the ones who remember you the most later on. And if God allows, you'll hear one day how you inadvertently gave impact to their lives.
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Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
Nursery school teacher here My words exactly. I couldn't imagine having to raise or even "entertain" kids after 8 hours of doing just that with other people's kids. I have no idea how my colleagues do it. I live my nieces and nephew to pieces and I adore the kids at my work, but that's enough for me :)
Rissie 4 years ago
Just to be clear, you are a teacher, not their primary caregiver. You influence their lives, but the raising is done by parents. There's no time at school to go into details, you have a program and most of the time not everyone's attention. I'm not saying it's not important, but please do not compare it to raising children. Together with the parents who think their kids will learn everything at school, you are not seeing the world straight as it is.
#22
I'm child-free, retired and happy. How happy? Julie Andrews spinning on a mountain top happy. I have nieces and nephews (and now their kids) anytime I want to relate to kids.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I'm child-free, retired. The pandemic is the only thing stopping me from spinning on a mountain top with happiness. I retired just months before the pandemic, so I haven't had this delightful opportunity, but it's my goal.
Mosheh Wolf 4 years ago
Julie Andrews was spinning on the mountaintop because she was temporarily free of a restrictive lifestyle, not because she was happy in her life choices. In fact, she willingly abandoned a "child-free" life in order to take care of some other women's children full-time, and likely add a couple of her own to them as well. So she's not a good example of a person who is happy not to have children.
#23
51 here. Never really thought I would make a good parent so I chose not to have any. I'm glad I didn't. Would hate to see what kind of world they will be living in 10-20 years from now.
CatGirl 4 years ago
Damn right. I'm an antinatalist - I believe that life is just too hard to be inflicted on new people. Even if our world is 'probably the same old world' in 100 years, that's still, frankly, a bit s**t.
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
Finally someone ballsy enough to say it like it is. The world is a shitshow and it's only gonna get worse with climate change, racism on the rise again etc. Never mind the enormous numbers of mentally ill people
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Lo Jer 3 years ago
Good grief, the people in the pictures have no resemblance to people of the ages commenting that I know. They all look incredibly old. The author of the piece would have done better to have some photos of people that actually look in their early 50's etc. It made me not want to read it!
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
I've always wondered why North Koreans, as an example, continue to bring innocents into that hideous regime. Now with climate change finally being acknowledged (after 50 yrs of predictions), I wonder what the incentive to having children is.
Deborah Hall 4 years ago
But we need bright kids to help this crazy world get back to a good place....
#24
Wasn't by choice, but yes. I'm happily married and I worry about what will happen to my wife when I die. She'll be alone. Otherwise, it's fantastic.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Kids aren’t always around when you feel lonely. You need a safety net full of friends and charities.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Being alone is not the same as being lonely too many people get these mixed up!
Bexxxxx 4 years ago (edited)
My parents old age and subsequent care is not my responsibility. Not what I was born for. I barely have a relationship with my parents now, just at Christmas, and I’m so much happier and more relaxed this way honestly :) they’ll have to figure something else out when they get old cause I’m not down for being the retirement plan.
Lea S. 9 months ago
My best friend works in hospice and elderly care. These people that I visit in her refurbished basement have all these pictures of their families. But her and I are the ones who are with them; playing cards, putting together puzzles, putting the TV onto the nature channel, feeding them meals, helping them shower and get dressed every day. She's been running this business for twenty years - I know of ONE son that came to take his mom to church on Sundays. The rest of them never had visitors. Having children does NOT mean you are going to be taken care of in your old age and being childless does NOT mean you are going to be alone in your old age. I'm not having children - I have a very supportive community around me. Also, I don't get lonely. I have enough books to keep me company and I can read out loud if it gets too quiet.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago (edited)
Most men don't need to worry about their wives if they die. Women are much better at coping with life than most men. It's when the women die first that most men run into trouble coping, mostly the older generation who's wives did everything for them and now they have no idea how to start a washing machine.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
Why worry? Between life insurance and other legal procedures, her life could be protected without the need for children.
Sue Koches 4 years ago
It's best not to count on the kids. They may view their upbringing differently than you. Congratulations on sticking to your decision!
GoddessOdd 4 years ago
I am alone and child-free by choice. I have always known that the only legacy I will leave is the good I have done in my life, I didn't bring any new people into the world to shape in my own image. Volunteering and being charitable is what keeps me from feeling disconnected from the world, and I think that's made me happiest.
#25
My wife and I married when we were in college. After graduating we started our careers and some time later we wondered if we weren't missing out on something, like children, and decided No, this is great, let's keep going like this. That was 30 years ago and it's still great and we still keep it going.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
My decision not to have kids has allowed me the space to create the life I want for myself. I suffer from very low self-esteem, and took longer to find a fulfilling career than most people I know because I didn't dare aspire to anything challenging. If I had had kids I, personally, would not have had the energy or motivation to make the changes I had to.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
Sounds like you're living your life without the unnecessary burden of worrying about others. Freedom to be you on your terms. Brilliant!
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#26
At 65 I have to say I have no regrets. I made the decision early in my life and I stuck to it, glad I did!
MsKestrela 4 years ago
I told my mom, when I was 12, that I wasn't going to marry until I was 30 (death's doorstep to a 12-year old), and that I was never having kids. I married at 31, no kids. Most of the reason for that was Mom, herself. She'd had big dreams of becoming a professional dancer, but she married and had kids instead. She told me countless times, "I love your daddy and you kids with all my heart, buuuuut....". I've had a life of wild adventure, travel, and love. At 65, no regrets!
#27
Hispanic Guy here, close to sixty years old, no I don't, the fact that I chose to stay child free is very unusual in my culture, and I originally did not intend to be child free I just avoided it having children because I knew I was not really ready, it just progress from there, still, now I know that most men are not entirely ready when it happens, I think I would been a great dad, still I have absolutely no regret!
GoddessOdd 4 years ago
I live in an area with a very large Hispanic population, and I applaud you. I see many men around here with children, because it is the cultural norm, and they are s**t parents. It takes commitment and desire to be a good father, and lots of folks just don't have what it takes.
Mosheh Wolf 4 years ago
As a happy father, I will say that people think of this backwards. Not having children should be the social default, and people should have good reasons to have children. That being said, I HATE HATE HATE the term "child-free". That implies that children are a harmful addition to one's life. You have "alcohol-free", sugar-free", etc. Chairs aren't "cushion free", and you don't have "sleeve-free" dresses.
#28
Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I worked with the elderly also - a lot of people kids showed up only when it would impress the family and the reading of the will!
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
Sounds like the line of communication with this couple needs improvement. Just ask her if she has any regrets instead of wondering/worrying about it.
ShatteredExisistance 4 years ago
No 🙄 honestly if she was that serious about having children she would have left and had kids with someone who wanted them. She’s not brain dead. Children aren’t everything
Load More Replies... #29
I'm 40 I regret it. I can't imagine how horrible I'll feel at 50.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
40 isn't too late. You're a little.more exhausted during the early years than younger parents. My friend was 42. If you really want to, it's not too late.
Bill Wyrebek 4 years ago
I had my fourth child at age 40. A 19 year gap from my youngest child at the time. He has been an absolute blessing. Has kept me young, made me tired and very very happy, even when he is a butt-head. He is 30 now. the feelings are stronger than ever. His three siblings adore him and his nieces and nephews worship him. We love sitting back and watching the interaction. My oldest grandchild is 3 years younger then her uncle.
GoddessOdd 4 years ago (edited)
If you are feeling sorry you have no kids, I urge you to apply to be a foster parent, the need is HUGE and you might decide to adopt, or you might decide you've made the right decision after all. There are all different ways to foster, from simple "just until the court date" care all the way to life long fosters. It will make a big difference to the kids needing care, it will be a valuable thing to do, and it might make you feel a lot better. My city also has a crises nursery... a place where at the end of their ropes parents can bring their child for temporary emergency care. They always need volunteers. Also, my city has a program for volunteers to hold and rock babies in the hospital when their parents can't be there.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
This is confusing. If you regret not having kids and fear you'll regret it even more down the road then sashay over to your local adoption center. Is it not having a child you regret or not replicating your oh-so-special DNA that you regret?
Soleil SanMao 4 years ago
I had my son at 41. More and more women are starting families later. I had job security, full benefits, more patience and wisdom to raise a child. I had to get some extra tests to monitor my pregnancy but had a healthy baby.
#30
No - I never wanted kids in any concrete way. I like kids, i have relationships with my nieces and nephews -this is absolutely fine for me.
bbfa 4 years ago
I firmly believe that is wrong to expect children to take care of you in your old age. I would want any children of mine to live their own lives and not be burdened with my care. I didn't want children, and I had, for reasons of my mother having clinical paranoia - full mental illness, no desire to further the female line in my family. I am a loner by nature, and my husband and I are happy. I have adorable adult nephews, but they have their own lives. We travel, and have both spent our lives in the pursuit of learning. No regrets here.
Riley Quinn 4 years ago
What I continue to see is how the majority of childless folx know themselves well enough to accept their limits. This is a sign of maturity and shouldn't be mocked by others.
Diane Knight 3 years ago
from the movie "overboard" "you can't be the baby if you have a baby". there's a level of wanting to be non-respondsible for others, yet someone else taking care of things for you. You know who you are, and who you're not. No need to second guess and spoil an innocent life.
#31
47, no regrets. I did have stepkids who were 13/8 when I appeared on the scene, and even though their father left me for another woman, I still keep a relationship with them. I love them to death, always will, and will always be a part of their lives so long as they let me.
But I’d never do step-parenting again. Too much stress, too much heartbreak. Now that the stepkids are adults, the benefits are showing themselves, and they will always be my family. But f*ck those years were hard.
And I’m so, so, so f*cking glad I never had kid(s) with my irresponsible, cheating, emotionally/verbally abusive ex. It would have just repeated my own upbringing. Broke the cycle, finally, I guess
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
You have kids 😉 they're choosing you and you have felt heartache for them. Titles and marital status don't matter, you guys are family.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Maybe I did not want the heart-ache of raising kids I really feel no mothering skills at all!
#32
52 and I don’t regret it in the least. I had stepkids for awhile, and they were basically feral. That turned me off the idea of having any of my own.
Combined with my wife’s health problems, and the fact that neither of us has the energy to deal with all that, childfree is the right thing for us.
#34
I'm in my mid 70s and happily child-free.
#35
I have mixed feelings. I don't care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn't have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.
But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I'm very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I'm exposed to other people's kids.
Kitty Jordan 4 years ago
I think this is a very honest answer. I have never broken a major bone, and sometimes I get curious about what it's like, but that doesn't mean I actually want to, either! It's natural to wonder about the road not taken. It's not necessarily regret, just curiosity.
#36
I used to work in a Children's toy store (Mostly Christmas Casual work, but also during the year for a few years), and very, very few of the staff had children (at least young ones). The majority of staff were 20's without kids and slowly getting more afraid at raising them, a surprising amount of gay men in the company without children, and then a smattering of older women who has older children.
We all liked kids, but the idea of raising them was terrifying.
#37
So I’m nowhere near 50, but I’ve been childfree my whole life without any hesitation or 2nd thoughts. I’ve just never liked kids and never wanted any, for as long as I can remember. I love the CF lifestyle: I have tons of money and free time to just enjoy my life. I plan to continue that for the rest of my life, and just enjoy things. It’s great
Karen Lyon 4 years ago (edited)
Yeah, that "tons of money" argument is crapola. As a single teacher, I live a paycheck to paycheck life. I have relatives and friends with kids who live much more comfortably than I do, often with one parent working. They have houses with pools in nice neighborhoods, take their kids on trips to Canada or Europe, send them to science camps at the NASA Space Center in Huntsville. None of which I resent: it just makes me want to throw the BS flag all over the claim that being childless means a person is more financially stable.
#38
No regrets at all. Just said this to my older childfree sister today and we agree on no kids. There are enough responsibilities in life and the costs.
Stacy Parker 4 years ago
There are many other responsibilities in life, other than children. Work, family, friends, pets, society. It's pretty narrow-minded to think that just because one does not have children, one does not have responsibilities.
Load More Replies... #39
I never wanted children. I don't have the patience. I'd be a worrywart about my kids, too, if I had any, keeping an eye on them all the time to make sure they don't get hurt. There's also the fear that I would be the same as my father, and I wouldn't want to put any children through that.
#40
Ha ha ha no, not at all. My life is so much easier, carefree and simple that a few of my friends with kids have quietly admitted to me they wish they hadn’t done it, although they love their children. Not many admit it, but I’d bet most feel that way.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
I found myself in the weird position of trying to convince my friend that she had made a good choice the other week. She was really regretting her 3rd child. Not feeling TOO smug because i can imagine feeling sad about not having kids when I am old, but maybe a little bit smug.
Busy Panda 4 years ago
Is that the coworker you mentioned in the earlier comment? The lazy one without any life ambition other than being a mother? The one who already has 3 children but baby-daddy couldn't afford paying child-care so she had to quit her job?
Load More Replies... Karen Lyon 4 years ago
No, I don't think most regret having kids. What they have is moments when they are overwhelmed. What they regret is not knowing how much having kids was going to change their lives, and not having the kind of freedom they'd like to have. Because I'd bet that most of those parents, if they were asked if they'd ever give up those kids, would resoundingly vote NO.
#41
Near 50 and no regrets. And my sister just had a child, so I get the best of both worlds.
What do you think ?
Unwelcomed Guest 4 years ago
I am 45 and have chosen to be child free…..now is there anyone here that wants my kids?
BorPand8 4 years ago
Is it just me or do the people in the pictures look waaaay older than the ages stated in the posts? "I'm 55 and..." with a photo of an 80-year-old. People who are 55 do not look like this. old-lady-6...b77eba.jpg 
Tassenküchlein168 4 years ago
The statements have nothing to do with the pictures. BP put random pictures to the statements.
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Regrets? A few. Enough to go back in time, say, "Sure, let's risk my health and/or our sanity"? No.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
I'm about to turn 70. No regrets. I was sufficiently self-aware to know I was too self-centered to be a good parent. I was the youngest of six and got to watch my older siblings have families. Five kids, four kids, eleven kids, nine kids, five kids. Um, no. Never.
Not A Panda 4 years ago
No regrets and well into my 50s. I have a friend who never wanted them, but she met a man who was jonesing for kids. Now she has them and she loves the kids, but hates being a mother. I'm just glad that I never wavered, not even when I had partners that wanted them (broke up with those, obvs, it's a non-negotiable for me). I like a quiet life.
ChimeraBubbles 4 years ago
It was good you broke up with partners who wanted children. It's a shame how that unbalance can fester in a relationship. I'm like your friend. I love kids, well babies and toddlers specifically, but as much as I'm certain I'd love my own children I know to my bones I'd hate being a mother. I also have a few residual anger issues from an abusive childhood so.
Load More Replies...
ADHORTATOR 4 years ago
If you don't want children, then you shouldn' t have, No need to justify or explain your choice. I am a proud father of two and I never thought I would be better without them. We are all different and that' s fine.
Teresa Lewis 4 years ago
Agree completely. My daughter has absolutely no desire to have children and that's perfectly fine with me.
Load More Replies...
marianne eliza 4 years ago
Know what's scary? It's the intelligent, thinking, thoughtful, people who make this decision. The others breed freely. It's reverse evolution and we can see it right here in the USA every day. And especially at elections.
Mazer 4 years ago
I love kids. Never wanted them. So I decided to help my friends raise their kids, stayed about 10 years, great experience, although very sticky and smelly. I am still in their lives. No regrets
Viviane 4 years ago
I told a mother of one, "I like kids, but I never wanted any." She smiled and said, "Well, the world needs aunts." <3
Load More Replies...
Scarlett 4 years ago
My mom desperately wants grandkids and tells me I’ll change my mind. No, I don’t think I will. I know I probably have the family condition of losing babies and I know what my mom went through to have me. Also, I’ve worked with kids from 0 to 13 in various camps. I can’t imagine having to deal with that 24/7, 365. Hopefully she’ll love her grand dogs/cats
Thorfin Wolfsbane 4 years ago
I think the most shocking thing here is at the beginning where someone acknowledges the existence of Generation X
Natalie KS 4 years ago
Yes! Except all the pics are people that are 70+ yo. Win some, lose some.
Load More Replies... Unwelcomed Guest 4 years ago
I am 45 and have chosen to be child free…..now is there anyone here that wants my kids?
BorPand8 4 years ago
Is it just me or do the people in the pictures look waaaay older than the ages stated in the posts? "I'm 55 and..." with a photo of an 80-year-old. People who are 55 do not look like this. old-lady-6...b77eba.jpg
Tassenküchlein168 4 years ago
The statements have nothing to do with the pictures. BP put random pictures to the statements.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Regrets? A few. Enough to go back in time, say, "Sure, let's risk my health and/or our sanity"? No.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
I'm about to turn 70. No regrets. I was sufficiently self-aware to know I was too self-centered to be a good parent. I was the youngest of six and got to watch my older siblings have families. Five kids, four kids, eleven kids, nine kids, five kids. Um, no. Never.
Not A Panda 4 years ago
No regrets and well into my 50s. I have a friend who never wanted them, but she met a man who was jonesing for kids. Now she has them and she loves the kids, but hates being a mother. I'm just glad that I never wavered, not even when I had partners that wanted them (broke up with those, obvs, it's a non-negotiable for me). I like a quiet life.
ChimeraBubbles 4 years ago
It was good you broke up with partners who wanted children. It's a shame how that unbalance can fester in a relationship. I'm like your friend. I love kids, well babies and toddlers specifically, but as much as I'm certain I'd love my own children I know to my bones I'd hate being a mother. I also have a few residual anger issues from an abusive childhood so.
Load More Replies... ADHORTATOR 4 years ago
If you don't want children, then you shouldn' t have, No need to justify or explain your choice. I am a proud father of two and I never thought I would be better without them. We are all different and that' s fine.
Teresa Lewis 4 years ago
Agree completely. My daughter has absolutely no desire to have children and that's perfectly fine with me.
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 4 years ago
Know what's scary? It's the intelligent, thinking, thoughtful, people who make this decision. The others breed freely. It's reverse evolution and we can see it right here in the USA every day. And especially at elections.
Mazer 4 years ago
I love kids. Never wanted them. So I decided to help my friends raise their kids, stayed about 10 years, great experience, although very sticky and smelly. I am still in their lives. No regrets
Viviane 4 years ago
I told a mother of one, "I like kids, but I never wanted any." She smiled and said, "Well, the world needs aunts." <3
Load More Replies... Scarlett 4 years ago
My mom desperately wants grandkids and tells me I’ll change my mind. No, I don’t think I will. I know I probably have the family condition of losing babies and I know what my mom went through to have me. Also, I’ve worked with kids from 0 to 13 in various camps. I can’t imagine having to deal with that 24/7, 365. Hopefully she’ll love her grand dogs/cats
Thorfin Wolfsbane 4 years ago
I think the most shocking thing here is at the beginning where someone acknowledges the existence of Generation X
Natalie KS 4 years ago
Yes! Except all the pics are people that are 70+ yo. Win some, lose some.
Load More Replies...
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