I hope you don't mind him losing his fertility to a totally preventable case of the mumps, and having no biological grandchildren?

Lol, this one should be number one for the massive cringe value.

He swore to God. Imagine 'god' profile also replying: Stop using me for your lies, Mike.

Even all 29 digits

The world record just has been broken by youuu 😱

What I read here is "I fantasized about committing assault on strangers to to promote my snake oil"

And then he woke up.

It may be "incredibly easy" according to this tweeter, but I'm pretty impressed by anyone who can accidentally swallow an entire mask by accident.

Ratsack and Draino in the meth again

'Speilberg' loves extraordinary fantasy.

wanna bet she has the location function on her phone on?

Decided to turn lesbian, it's not like deciding to wear jeans instead of shorts today lol.

This one really annoys me! These self entitled, self absorbed mental midgets really think they have it that bad. It’s disrespectful and disgusting

My sympathies to that child, s/he's going to grow up having their needs ignored, because mum needs them to make her feel better about her life.

"I think being violent makes me a nice guy!"

but on the other hand she is probably still paying the hospital bills for the delivery of het son.

These people are gross

Because we all know when the universe began, the big bang and all that, monkeys were already well established 🤦‍♀️ not even apes, he said monkeys. Zero effort

now I want to know what a "vamphobic slur" is

Idiot

Weird how some folks wear one for a full shift and are fine, they must be ghosts or something I guess.

Okay, this made me physically cringe.

First it was believable with the fake names but if you're THAT into HP and you want to hook up with the girl, you'd NEVER call her a mudblood. Totally not believable at that point.

Then the Frappuccino started clapping

This is a sweet story. Could even be true.

I’m really so very glad the internet didn’t exist when I was a brain-wormed teenager

Can you imagine being this stupid? Frightening.

Then the cake pops started cheering

Ha! Baristas don't cry.

this sounds fun

If it weren’t for the free pastries part this could’ve been true. I actually laughed at the mudblood part.

Eww

Some extreme fans get the point totally wrong. It's weird enough to ship mortal enemies, but this is just next level

I love Harry Potter but Jesus Christ please stop. It hurts my bones.

I'm really worried by now at the amount of delusion out there

This may be true though .

WOW. You need a life honey - like outside of your head.

Ok but ngl I did see something like this minus the last 2-and-a-bit lines

Ew

If she's 10 it might sound cute.

I have never met a barista who would start crying because Draco Malfoy wined at me.

kinda funny though-

I'm practically obsessed with HP but c'mon, there's a line you don't cross.

Why are so many of these story include someone giving free food and stuff?

Yeah because Starbucks employees just LOVE this kind of thing...

To be fair, I used to panhandle near a Starbucks in San Francisco and when they'd close at night, they'd always hand me a shopping bag STUFFED with their pre-packaged pastries and sandwiches. They didn't say the stupid Harry Potter house names though otherwise I'd have declined the free food.

I always give my name as "BINGO" or "Yatzee." when they ask. Why not? Hopefully makes them laugh a little and have fun.

I especially love these fake douchey stories where they assume everyone everywhere knows these Hairy Twatter references.

Had to keep rereading.. commas, please, at least?

ok it was actually kinda funny until it got cringy

lol

This would be hilarious if it actually happened and I'm sad that it didn't

As a Potterhead this physically pains me.