I hope you don't mind him losing his fertility to a totally preventable case of the mumps, and having no biological grandchildren?

Lol, this one should be number one for the massive cringe value.

He swore to God. Imagine 'god' profile also replying: Stop using me for your lies, Mike.

Even all 29 digits

The world record just has been broken by youuu 😱

What I read here is "I fantasized about committing assault on strangers to to promote my snake oil"

And then he woke up.

It may be "incredibly easy" according to this tweeter, but I'm pretty impressed by anyone who can accidentally swallow an entire mask by accident.

Ratsack and Draino in the meth again

'Speilberg' loves extraordinary fantasy.

wanna bet she has the location function on her phone on?

Decided to turn lesbian, it's not like deciding to wear jeans instead of shorts today lol.

This one really annoys me! These self entitled, self absorbed mental midgets really think they have it that bad. It’s disrespectful and disgusting

My sympathies to that child, s/he's going to grow up having their needs ignored, because mum needs them to make her feel better about her life.

"I think being violent makes me a nice guy!"

but on the other hand she is probably still paying the hospital bills for the delivery of het son.

These people are gross

Because we all know when the universe began, the big bang and all that, monkeys were already well established 🤦‍♀️ not even apes, he said monkeys. Zero effort

now I want to know what a "vamphobic slur" is

Idiot

Weird how some folks wear one for a full shift and are fine, they must be ghosts or something I guess.

Okay, this made me physically cringe.

No he offered her 100 then got a closer look and asked for a refund

I can believe that someone in a bar actually said that, after a beer or twelve.

I don't think call of duty counts as live combat.

Now THIS one I KNOW is a joke from knowing plenty of military folks. "Using a pocket knife." BWAHAHAHA!!!

you do get a special breed of gamer that plays COD a lot and thinks that they are a marine or special forces

This guy definitely never leaves his mothers basement.

Probably blacked out from stress in a game of dodgeball as a kid

I once jumped on an evil turtle and sent his shell hurtling at other evil turtles and then rescued a princes.

You probably used that pocket knife to peel potatoes in the army kitchen, being assigned that post because you shat your pants every time you heard gunfire, didn't you?

Fascinating. No one else remembers them either.

A pocketknife? Wimp! I used a letter opener. Weak sort-of men like you are why the military can’t win

Mine was Glory Hole, because, well, nevermind.

What's even more amazing is that no one else remembers this twit doing anything interesting or dangerous with his pocket knife either.

My dad was called swamp ass because of his farts and knew a guy called half-ass because a shark ate half his ass. So yea I don´t think they are gonna give you suck an epic name lol.

ZENITSU?!?!?!

You might want to see a doctor about that, son

The staggering part of this for me is someone who brags about having killed 100+ people. If this is not toxic military culture, I don't know what is. Some countries would rather stop glorifying the dirty wars they have waged around the world during the last decades.

Nevermind all the other weapons at my disposal where's my pocket knife?

Because that's a guy the army would be proud of having... Doesn't follow orders, just kills everything. Didn't know scp-682 was in the army

Well, when you aren’t doing something and it’s all in your head you likely wouldn’t remember….

Erm....it actually means power outage or loss of consciousness, both of which does not make one very active.

BULLSH*T

"100+ recorded kills using a pocket knife" Bahahahhahahhahaa!