Omg

Complete with confounded owner scratching their head. This is so funny I think it actually broke my funny bone

BAAAHAHAHAHA WISDOM TOOT!

It does say the time. Time to pee

Well there's your basic "nope nest."

PSA: Go to the doctor for regular routine check ups, not just when you’re unwell. I just made a new-patient appointment for someone who just had a heart attack (and now needs a doctor) - they have to wait 7 months. This is in the US for someone with private insurance. Clinics just don’t have enough doctors to see patients quickly. If he were established with a doctor already the wait would be ~2-4 weeks.

That‘s a stock photo, right? „No real damage“? Oo

Oregon has been like this before. It's unreal and scary feeling

I know this is a very bad thing and I am a very bad person, but I am laughing hysterically about this right now at 6:30 in the morning.

This is like something out of a Benny Hill skit.

Dear God, that's gonna hurt . . . .

I feel like that description works for the whole state of Florida.

Molten jelly.

Hulk smash puny lawn!

Never mow in sandals! When I was a kid one of the neighbors lost a toe that way.

goats would have licked you 😂

Stephen King in Creepshow

Luckily, it's only wet grass, but wear proper shoes, cos you're cutting the grass with a blade - one of those sharp things that cut off tootietoes.

Is this the new interpretation of Soylent Green?

Humph. Did we learn something?

🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

Looks about right. This is the state of my shoes after mowing the lawn. (I live in the northwest, where the seasons are summer and rain. Grass don’t grow in the summer)

I have no colour bigotry

Lesbitarian Lady

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Ha~~ha, you silly person

Out of all the things on this list, this tanks very low in terms of how bad it is.

Mowing a lawn wearing sliders...Good choice of footwear, you're lucky to still have toes.

Shrek!

So much stupid in one picture

You're going to take this same picture in all red if you continue mowing in your flip flops.

I see you Mr Grinch

well what did you expect lol

We bleed green 💚

You're going home the long way round, then...

Did your Roomba make an outline of a voluptuous woman? 😳

That faaaaace!🥰🥰🥰

Fire ants are the devil's spawn.

Thank god this person is ok.

It can be worse. The people hired to scare or shoot others because some tiff aren't the brightest. Happens often enough that the fireworks is deposited in the wrong mail box (in NL this is a slit in the entrance door) or bombs planred at the wrong door. Or the wrong person is killed.

Ugh

Ugh Glass wool. I used to work construction and that stuff is the worst. Fiberglass insulation is bad but it's somewhat contained by the backing. The old glass wool is exactly what it looks like here. At least it's not asbestos. That's the absolute worst. You get into a remodel on an old building with asbestos and it's hazmat suit time. Tons of fun in the middle of summer. I don't miss those days.

At least it's still there so you can get identifying info.

I do not really understand why you guys not just jump into the next plane to, i dont know, cuba and have it done there for much less than that and have a nice holiday in addition? Do i oversee something?

Seems like it can be solved with a bit of stick action, or maybe the cat will let you back in once she realises that the bowl doesn't auto fill with food. Made me laugh anyway.

Oh dear! I was initially worried that someone blew up their toilet with an industrial grade toileting mishap, but it's scarier to see they could have been impaled sitting on the toilet!

Laptop has a bug!

He should be furious at whoever (not) closed the lid

Are those just dowels securing it to the wall? Or did the anchor break?

Welp, time to build a flux capacitor...

From OP: I live in an apartment and they gained access through the building manager. It was pretty f*****g wild, they were literally in my room, in the dark, telling me to wake up. I was like “wtf what’s going on” while they repeatedly asked my name and who else lives here. I kept asking what’s going on and they told me to “pop up and we’ll talk about it”, I said “I’m naked under here!”, at which point one of them said “don’t panic, put some clothes on”, ushered the others out and shut the door. Stepped out into the lounge a few moments later and first thing I said was just to be clear I’m not consenting to you guys being in my home. One of them said “we have a warrant”, and gave me a copy. Another said “it’s ok, we are looking for this guy”, showing me unopened mail addressed to their suspect that I had marked return to sender but hadn’t got around to sending back — s**t like that is kept on a table by the door with my keys, etc. Asked me a few questions and took my contact details.

Blessings

I would cut off the bite mark myself. But that's me.