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People Who’ve Been Single For A While Now Reveal Why They’re Glad To Not Be In A Relationship (30 Pics)
What do actresses Emma Watson and Jennifer Aniston have in common? They are both single. "I never believed the whole 'I'm happy single' spiel," Watson said in a 2019 interview. "I was like, 'This is totally spiel.' It took me a long time, but I'm very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered." And they are not the only ones who manage to enjoy life without a partner.
Recently, a now-deleted Reddit user posted a question on the platform, asking: "What is a reason you are glad to be single?" Answers immediately started flooding in. As of now, the thread has over 13,000 comments, providing an interesting insight into the lives of singles. From being able to sleep in the middle of the bed to not being forced to hang out with someone else's friends, here are some of the most popular replies.
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#1
God, I remember rushing home every day because if I was even 5 minutes late getting in the door, I would have to explain myself. Then I would walk in perfectly on time and he’d still be in a horrible mood. Now I can spend the whole day driving around doing absolutely nothing and I don’t have to explain it to anybody and going home is actually an enjoyable thought.
Bella DePaulo (Ph.D., Harvard, 1979), a social psychologist and the author of Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, believes that some people really wonder whether it's normal or not to be single.
"To be single is utterly ordinary, more so now than any time in recent history, not just in the U.S. but in many places around the world," DePaulo writes. "In the U.S., for example, nearly as many adults 18 and older are unmarried as married."
"Staying single for decades, or for life, is also becoming more commonplace. A Pew Report estimated that by the time today's young adults reach the age of 50, one in four of them will have been single all their life. That's a lot, but a United Nations report shows that North America and Europe are behind several other regions of the world in that regard. In Australia, New Zealand, Latin America, and the Caribbean, a greater percentage get to their late forties without ever having married."
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#2
I don't like spending time with people. I have 1 friend I see once every 2 weeks and that's enough socialising for me
Powerful institutions such as religion and politics often prop up the perceived normality of marriage beyond what it has actually earned by its numbers—even without assists from religion or ideology, perceptions don't always keep up with the changes that have already occurred. It's what sociologists call "cultural lag."
In the end, we all are responsible adults who craft their own life and if someone finds their fountain of joy, it doesn't mean that it will soothe others too. But not everyone understands that. "When I show that single people are doing well in some way, someone often comes up with a way of explaining it away. Those kinds of discussions can be enlightening, but I'm skeptical," DePaulo says. "They seem to go in only one direction. I don't hear the same kinds of attempts to undermine claims that married people are doing well. It is almost as if some people are invested in putting single people down and dismissing them as not really normal."
The social psychologist said there are, in fact, documented psychological dynamics involved in the stigmatizing of single people. "They include feelings of insecurity in the people doing the stigmatizing, as well as their self-concepts, their search for predictability and control, and their attempts to justify the prevailing social system."
#3
I read this article a while ago that really clarified my feelings on this. Studies show that people who are married are, on average, slightly happier than people who are not married. Which has been known for a long time, so people have sort of internalized the idea that marriage equals happiness. But when you break down the numbers in that, what it actually looks like is that people in happy marriages are much happier than everyone else and people in unhappy marriages are much less happy than everyone else. So being in a good relationship is the best situation. But being single is the second-best, and far better than being in a bad relationship. So to me, it’s like not the very best, but it is the second-best and that’s pretty good. It’s like you don’t have a Jaguar but you have a Honda, and it’s reliable and gets you where you need to go. And at least you’re not driving a car from the ’70s with a leak in the fuel-line and a plastic Jaguar-sculpture taped on the hood.
Ivy 3 years ago
I think this is the post that makes the most sense. A lot of the others are talking about the benefits of not being in a BAD relationship. If you’re in a good relationship, many of the things in the other post aren’t an issue (because you have good communication with your partner).
#4
I was engaged but broke it off in July after putting up with a lot of disrespect from him and his family. I had quite a bit of money put aside for our wedding, but now I can spend it on things I’ve wanted for a very long time. I am finally taking care of myself and learning more about who I am as an individual instead of being someone’s fiancée.
#5
Honestly, being single allowed me to put more focus on finishing my undergrad degree, which I just did last week.
#6
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. If I want to stay up late, I can. If I want to buy something, I can. If I want to watch a movie, I can. If I feel like listening to music, I can. If I feel like reorganizing or redecorating my apartment, I can. I can choose how I use my time. I can choose how I spend my money. I can choose how I save my money. Do I feel lonely? I’ll admit it, sometimes I do. But I have good friends. If I feel like hanging out with my friends, if someone wants to hang out with me, I can. If I don’t feel like going out, I can stay home.
#7
I never want to turn the key in the door and have to worry about what is going on, on the other side again. I don’t want to have to manage another’s emotions or walk on eggshells. I love the peace that my space is mine alone. I also hate the obligations that tend to come with relationships. I don’t want to attend other people’s events, or buy presents for in-laws, etc. Basically, I’m selfish.
Linda van der Pal 3 years ago
The first bit is not selfish, and the second bit only a little bit. (You just sound like an introvert.)
#8
Call me selfish, but I like the freedom to wake up and go to sleep when I want to, to decorate and organize my home (that I bought and paid off on my own) as I like, to make my plans and schedule as I see fit, to watch/read/play whatever I want, to buy and wear whatever I want, to cook and eat whatever I want (and not have to share), and to make long term financial and career goals without having to worry about it conflicting with someone else’s.
Hooked 3 years ago
This one I can totally relate to. I've been single for quite some time now and I love my freedom. My kids are all grown up and on their own and that makes me lonely sometimes. For now the freedom I gained is a bigger pro than the loneliness is a con, but who knows, someday....
#9
I have been single most of my adult life and I find it really annoying when I am living with a partner. I had a partner who snored and that really affected me with the lack of sleep I was getting. You get set in your ways then all of a sudden you have someone wanting you to do a whole bunch of things another way. I don’t necessarily prefer to be single, but I prefer to live on my own.
#10
I can eat a sandwich or popcorn for dinner if that’s what I want.
#11
My apartment is clean and neat and most importantly, 95% empty.
#12
I have been single for the last 10 years. All my money is mine. All my time is mine. All my attention goes where I want it to go. I just try to get fulfillment in life.
Kookamunga 3 years ago
Not sad at all. So peaceful, can do whatever I love whenever I want, it's awesome! Can hang with friends and family when I want to, and be alone when I want to. If it sounds sad to you, then it's not for you....everyone has different ideas of what makes a great life. It's all good.
#13
Learned to love myself without needing anyone else’s words of affirmation after being single for the first time in a few years.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
When you need someone else's confirmation you're not ready to start a relationship. "If you can't be happy on your own, you'll be twice as miserable in a relationship. "
#14
Wanna watch a movie? I pick what I want and don’t have to debate what we’re both in the mood for, or whose turn it is to pick, or “I don’t like scary movies, let’s watch a rom-com!” Wanna get something to eat? I go get what sounds good to me and don’t have to hem and haw for an hour over what sounds good to you but not to me, then me but not you, and then finally settle on something that neither of us really wants but we can both deal with when all I want in this world is sushi. Wanna sleep till noon on my day off then get up and just play video games all afternoon? My choice and mine alone and nobody can try to shame me for it, or complain that I’m not paying attention to them. Having an off day and don’t feel like talking at all or expressing my feelings? I don’t have to talk to anyone or feel pressured to “open up” to them because we’re dating.
#15
I’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t appreciate my love and affection.
#16
As someone who got out of a 3-year-long relationship about 4 months ago, I would say one of the biggest things that makes me happy about being single is being able to see myself clearly again, you don’t realize how much being in a relationship can blind you to how you’ve changed, or how love can numb you to certain things. When I got out of that relationship and once the initial crying and being depressed phase ended, I slowly realized how much happier I was and how much I’ve changed, some of it good and some bad, but it was like being able to see myself through a clear lens and not through a distorted one.
El Dee 3 years ago
Too often we see ourselves through the lens of our partners eyes. Even if they have the best of intentions they have a distorted view and will leave us feeling we have minor faults that don't actually exist. I believe that each relationship, when it ends, causes us to reflect and grow..
#17
Christmas is coming and I have no stress and it's not expensive
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
Christmas is what you make of it. We never took part in the foolishness and stress of giving presents. I'll buy my wife a present when I know she wants something, not because it's the 25th of December.
#18
That fear of coming home just for the sake of not knowing your significant other’s mood and being extra cautious to not trigger anything in any way. Then struggling to find out if it’s a good day and I am expected to say hi with a kiss or a bad day and I’m expected to not interrupt them at all, such a bad feeling. I am just learning to love coming home again.
Ripley 3 years ago
What's described above is essentially an abusive relationship. The SO is manipulating their partner by keeping them constantly off balance, and in a constant state of anxiety, and therefore easier to control. It's a HUGE red flag. Ah-ROOO-gah! Ah-ROOO-gah! Run! Run like hell!
#19
No longer being forced to hangout with their friends.
Conrad Strucker 3 years ago
I can barely muster the social energy to hang out with MY friends what am I supposed to do with yours
#20
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, without checking in with anyone. Also, no woman should have to be subjected to my toxic family.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
But it's your choice to introduce your woman to your toxic family. You can also be very blunt to your family and tell them that your life is better without them.
#21
I can talk to myself aloud and it won’t seem weird to anyone. If someone else is around when you talk to yourself, you’re a nutcase, but if no one hears you, it’s fine.
#22
I don’t have to worry about what I look like or what I’m wearing while I’m just chilling on my days off. Hair up in a messy bun, no makeup, no pants, no problem.
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
if your hubbie or boyfriend cares so much about what you are wearing at home... I honestly think women can look a lot better with a messy bun and no makeup.
#23
Got off work at an indecent hour? I don’t have to sneak into bed and then have an awkward conversation that I’m too tired to have when I wake them up and they ask what time it is, and why I’m so late, and what kept me, and how was my day, when the only thing I want to do is close my eyes and rest.
#24
I can sleep in the middle of the bed with the fan on if I want. I can also leave something on the table, come back 2 weeks later, and it is still there.
#25
I learned who I am after I decided to stop dating. It’s been 4 years being single, and I really love who I’ve become. I was able to establish myself, my goals, and who I want to be.
#26
Stuff in my home is exactly where I left it. I’m not actually single but this is what I remember from when I was. Other people have all kinds of weird habits that make your life difficult. Want to wash a pan? Someone’s filled the sink with plates! Go to find your keys? Someone couldn’t find theirs and has borrowed yours and thinks they may be in their coat pocket! Where’s the coat? They can’t remember!
#27
I have so many hobbies. When I was in a relationship I couldn’t do any of them. I even had a hard time making time for school work. Now that I’m out of a relationship, I’ve been playing music, painting, coding, etc. Literally today I finished designing and making the wooden case for some headphones I’m making.
#28
I can only hang with my friends when I want to. I am an introvert and used to date an extrovert who couldn’t get through one weekend without going out/socializing at least 5x. He’d insist on dragging me along on or invite his friends over. That was horrible for me, I just wanted to relax on my own or spend quality time together instead of having to entertain guests that weren’t even nice to me half the time.
ProfessionalTimeWaster 3 years ago
It's perfectly fine to be in a relationship and have separate entertainment activities or hangout with your own friends.
#29
I’m not a huge fan of the single life, but in the past when I’ve been in a relationship, I always felt like I needed to check my phone 24/7. I like being able to just chill and play video games, watch a movie, or hang out with friends without checking my phone constantly.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
Again this says something about past relationships with a controlling partner. Has got nothing to do with the advantages of being alone.
#30
The only things stressing me are my own stressors. I don’t have to help support someone else through theirs.
What do you think ?
Red rockin lobster 3 years ago
It is obvious that most of these people where spending time with the wrong person.
Daria B 3 years ago
Not to brag, but, reading these entries, I realise I'm in a nice and healthy relationship that I'll never take for granted. I'm glad these people left these mostly abusive relationships. Random thought: the entries that talk about how they don't need to worry about their looks and others' affirmation, a (married) friend of mine and I had a chat about that the other way around. Like, now that we're settled, we only worry about our looks for as far as health is concerned, but we don't feel any stress about these trivial things and are much more comfortable with ourselves now. If your partner feels this way too, that's how a healthy relationship looks like.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Exactly! I read these aloud, and both my husband and myself said, "Wow, that's creepy... Who *are* these people they were with?!" If I want to eat popcorn for supper, I do. He watches whatever movies he wants. We give each other space to be individuals *within* the relationship. Maybe b/c we're friends, not just "marrieds".
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Cynner 3 years ago
After 11 years of being single and living alone, i now have a relationship for 18months and moved in with him last August. I still have loads of freedom and we always let each other the choice in joining whatever kind of Social thing the other is going to. BUT ohh how i miss my evenings alone on my couch in complete silence, with my book and cat. Night after night silence, no tv, no music, no shooting games. I love my man, but i also loved being by myself. Oh and the food, he is a pickey eater and dislikes a lot of my favorite dishes. Hate it.
Ljdia 3 years ago
One of my dreams is to have my own place, as small as it is, and him having his own place. We could even be neighbors in the same apartment building!
Load More Replies... Red rockin lobster 3 years ago
It is obvious that most of these people where spending time with the wrong person.
Daria B 3 years ago
Not to brag, but, reading these entries, I realise I'm in a nice and healthy relationship that I'll never take for granted. I'm glad these people left these mostly abusive relationships. Random thought: the entries that talk about how they don't need to worry about their looks and others' affirmation, a (married) friend of mine and I had a chat about that the other way around. Like, now that we're settled, we only worry about our looks for as far as health is concerned, but we don't feel any stress about these trivial things and are much more comfortable with ourselves now. If your partner feels this way too, that's how a healthy relationship looks like.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Exactly! I read these aloud, and both my husband and myself said, "Wow, that's creepy... Who *are* these people they were with?!" If I want to eat popcorn for supper, I do. He watches whatever movies he wants. We give each other space to be individuals *within* the relationship. Maybe b/c we're friends, not just "marrieds".
Load More Replies... Cynner 3 years ago
After 11 years of being single and living alone, i now have a relationship for 18months and moved in with him last August. I still have loads of freedom and we always let each other the choice in joining whatever kind of Social thing the other is going to. BUT ohh how i miss my evenings alone on my couch in complete silence, with my book and cat. Night after night silence, no tv, no music, no shooting games. I love my man, but i also loved being by myself. Oh and the food, he is a pickey eater and dislikes a lot of my favorite dishes. Hate it.
Ljdia 3 years ago
One of my dreams is to have my own place, as small as it is, and him having his own place. We could even be neighbors in the same apartment building!
Load More Replies...
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