I was talking on the phone with my mom. After a while I got frustrated because I couldn't find my phone any where. I told my mom about it and she replied: "wait a second, I'll hang up and then call it so you can find it". I figured out how dumb I was as I was staring the ringing phone in my hand. We had a good laugh about it. But apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.

fantsukissa , Susanne Nilsson Report

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When someone told me they had the same name as me; I said "Really? What's your name?"
Needless to say, I felt like dying

killmenowplsz , Mack Male Report

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I was out clothes shopping when I spotted someone I recognised. We made eye contact and smiled at each other. It was just then I realised I was walking towards a full length mirror.

moonrakernw , Matt Gibson Report

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Found a lost smartphone when walking somewhere. It was the exact same model as my own phone. Dropped it off at the nearest police station so they could contact the owner. Found out later that i had dropped off my own phone in stead of the one i found.

ksinvaSinnekloas , Kārlis Dambrāns Report

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One time I went to the pet shop to buy a hamster, I bought huge cage for him, some food, but when I went home, I realized, that I forgot to buy hamster.

l1chten , Dennis Sylvester Hurd Report

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Opened drawer to look for something, don't see what I need. Start to close drawer, spot thing I wanted in the first place, reach hand back in while still closing drawer with other hand. Shut hand in drawer.

mronion82 , jencu Report

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My bf was weighing our suitcases the night before a flight. He did the classic, step on the scale and then step on the scale with the suitcase and do the math technique. One of the bags was a couple of kg over the limit so I reassured him that by morning he will have lost a bit of weight which might help get back under the limit. Didn't think that one through.

Edit: Thank you kind strangers for my very first awards!

POded99 , Gideon Report

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Ian Lee

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1 year ago

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LOL I dont think you can lose that much weight though anyway-

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Kennethbush

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Depends on the size of your dump

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Ian Lee

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Lmao fr

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Pandapoo

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Just have to take an ex-lax! Note: not a good idea to take the night before a flight.

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Asriel Dreemurr

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Fluctuations of a few kg are normal in day-to-day life. Source: I went through a rough period where I weighed myself like three times a day for a bit before snapping out

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Telepathetic

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If you figure it out please let me know

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R. H.

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Uh ...

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Craftsman 64

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"Still a kilo over. Let's try an enema!"

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Thegoodboi

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You should've taken pictures of the night before. That way when you step on the scale at the airport with your luggage, you can prove them wrong and get horrified stares in the process 😀

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Harry Koppers

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Sounds like an amazing trip to the bathroom...

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deejak

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I thought she meant the weight limit of the scale, cuz then it makes sense.

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Timbob

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I’m not finished reading them all, but you just might be the winner !

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TheElderNom

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I was weighing my cat that way and somehow lost 2 kilos plus whatever she weighed when I was holding her. Now I always weigh them at the vet when they're there for vaccination, seems more accurate.

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I said out loud. “Wouldn’t it be crazy it Halloween fell on a Friday the 13th” it would be crazy because that’s not how dates work

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I spent a good 45 seconds trying to open a can of beans with a can opener and couldnt for the life of me figure out what I was doing wrong. I remember thinking it had been awhile since I'd opened a can but really?

Then I took a good, hard look at what I was doing and realized I was trying to open an can with a potato peeler.

03throwaway03 , Lesley Show Report

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My divorce finalized in early 2017.

In late 2017, I got back together with my ex-wife.

Sitting across from my ex-wife in a Mexican restaurant in late 2019 after our thousandth argument, I very calmly, but firmly, said "we're the stupidest people on the f*****g planet." She agreed.

A couple days later she moved out.

CDC_ , Kumon Report

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I'm from the south and dated a girl when I was younger. First time meeting her mom, in a heavy New York accent, she asked me, "you like dogs?" I said, "no thanks, I'm not hungry."

It took me way too long to realize she was talking about the two giant pets they had, which were literally in between us, and not f*****g hot dogs.

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I put my phone in the freezer to charge. I remember having the thought that it would actually work. Several hours later, I couldn't find my phone. When someone called me, my brain refused to put together that the reason why my fridge was playing music was that my phone was in it. I just thought it was a feature I had missed.

x3Sheets2daWind , Stephen Dann Report

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Went to the store to buy coffee.

Got home with pasta, lettuce and milk.

I forgot the coffee.

Moar_Wattz , Maria Keays Report

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I used to work at a lovely deli around two, three (?) Years ago. Some of the beverages we offered was fresh, hot coffee. A gentleman walked in and asked for a coffee with lots of cream. Not a problem, says I. I pull out the cream, take the lid off, and my boss reminds me to shake it first. Not a problem, I think again, and shake the (open, lidless carton of light cream) sending cream all over the floor, counter, fridge, etc. Everyone in the deli just stopped and stared at me for a few of the longest seconds of my life. Made me rethink so much of my life.

anon , jules Report

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I once talked to my gf about the impressive records of Cristiano Ronaldo in football; in her next sentence she asked: how old is Ronaldo?

To which I stupidly replied: who's Ron Aldo?

Edit: Thx for the award, I'm not American, but if I were I'd vote for Bi Den.

RightHandLeftSide , cristiano Report

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Not me, but my sister. One time, she went to go put a glass of water in the microwave to help keep her food moist, but the glass was too tall. Instead of getting a smaller glass out of the cabinet, she poured half the water out into the sink. The glass still wouldn't fit in the microwave, and she realized after what she had done.

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I was working with my deaf coworker and the store we worked at was having a sale on airpod pros. I FORGOT he wouldn't be able to use them and was miming to him that he should buy some. He just pointed to his ears and shook his head. Then to make it worse, I kept trying to sign to him that I was sorry and kept signing thank you instead. He at least got a good laugh out of it.

justbringmetacos , HS You Report

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I was in my late 30's before I realized you can raise the lever on the toaster to lift up the toast and easily grip it... instead of playing Operation with your fingers and the toaster slots.

cinnapear , Becks Report

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During a dental appointment, my dentist asked me to bite down on this little strip of like sand paper? Not sure what it’s called exactly, but she says okay now “tap, tap, tap” but while she said it, she motioned with her hands like this:👌🏽 .. what she meant was tap my teeth down on the sand paper a few times... I took it as okay I’ll tap my fingers together - and just mimicked her gesture. She was trying so hard not to laugh at me when I realized what I had done

cleanandcozy , Seth Werkheiser Report

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Me: "You know I've had better Mondays, but I've also had worse". My co-worker: "Good thing it's Tuesday so"

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This one time I was asked to ref a football match, was gonna flip a coin to decide which team would start. I asked for a rep from each team, asked the first guy whether he was picking heads or tails. He picked heads. I asked the other guy what he was going to pick.

Samaki_Ni_Meli , Nathaniel_U Report

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Reading my shampoo bottle and it said "30 uses." I thought of 1. Shampoo and 2. Emergency body wash before I thought of 3. I am an idiot.

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In my kitchen I have one cabinet for bowls and plates and another one for cups. This hasn't changed since moving into the house four years ago.

About 75% of the time, I open the wrong cabinet to get what I need. Even when I try really hard to focus on opening the right cabinet, I still regularly get it wrong.

That was the final straw that validated my stupidity.

AssDimple , Ewen Roberts Report

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Me: "Hey, have you seen my glasses?"
Her: "Did you check the fridge?"

And there they are just like the 100 other times I can't find my glasses. Why do I put them in the fridge?

anon , Darkangels Report

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This conversation with my boss.

"I will be in late tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

tinkrman , Ubi Desperare Nescio Report

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Not me but my sister had this realisation when I challenged her confident proclamation that she wanted to sit at the back of the roller coaster to get a longer ride!

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I said, "I'm consistent just not all the time." And it really had to be pointed out to me

EveryDisaster , Gerry Dincher Report

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Deployed, heard word of an unidentified drone flying relatively close to our area, so I’m just sitting there staring up at the night sky. I really have never seen a drone during the night time, so I didn’t really know what altitude to expect them to be flying at, or if they had lights on, so I was pretty clueless. This dim light catches my eyes as I’m scanning the sky and I focus in on it. The light seems to be getting bigger and bigger, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. So i ended up calling it up over the radio for the guys I was working with to come outside and take a look. They came outside, looked at the light in the sky I was pointing at, looked back at me, and then called me a dumbass. It was clouds slowly drifting in front of the moon. So I think that one was a mix of my own stupidity and tiredness

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I guess it's ironic in some ways, but when I allow myself to be baited into replying to an idiotic stupid person/comment. That's pretty dumb in itself although it's tempting as f**k (check my history, I just did it, lol). I'm either feeding a troll or allowing my emotions to be somewhat aggravated, and over what? Over text on a screen from someone I'll never meet and who has NO influence on my life (other than what I give them) whatsoever. I may as well be arguing with a bot and it's not like you ever change someone's opinion or bring them to a realization *they're* the idiot. Not gonna happen. What's the saying, oh yeah. Don't argue with a stupid person, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I've been downvoted before because of being misread and I felt like "noooooo, you don't understand, I'm not the idiot you thought I was I'm actually smart, nooooo" - like holy Christ, what was I thinking, it's *meaningless*.

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