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“Haven’t Spoken In 15 Years”: 50 People Reveal Why They Disowned Their Parents
Interview
"All happy families are alike," Leo Tolstoy wrote. "Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Picture-perfect families have parents who love their children unconditionally. Children who visit said parents regularly and do so because they want to. But not all families are perfect. A Cornell University survey revealed in 2020 that 6% of adults say they are estranged from their mothers, and 26% from their fathers.
Family estrangement is, sadly, quite common. But how does it happen? One Redditor was curious to know what made people cut contact with their parents. So they asked: "Those who disowned their parents, what was the final straw?" People had all sorts of stories to share. Some were heartbreaking, others eye-opening.
Bored Panda also got in touch with the person who asked this question. They were kind enough to have a short chat with us about what prompted them to ask other Redditors about their estrangement stories. Read our conversation below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My mother likes to make me cry. I think it's a control thing, but she always denies it even happens. After going out of her way to make me break down for three birthdays in a row, I asked my father if, just for one year, I could avoid speaking to her for the day. Bear in mind, I live in a different country, so it would just be a case of me not picking up the phone when she called. My father went apes**t. Called me ungrateful, pathetic, a disappointment, etc. Then said his biggest regret was that my s****de attempt failed. All because I wanted a birthday where I didn't cry. I just hung up without saying a word. Blocked their numbers and email addresses, deleted all social media. It's been years, and I'm so grateful he said all those horrible things, because I finally realised how better my life is without them.
The Redditor who posed this question says that it came from their own bad experiences with their family. They decided to limit contact with their parents recently, and that's why they came to find some comfort on Reddit. "There is infighting I feel I'm getting dragged into," the netizen opened up.
In our conversation, they recalled the most recent disagreement they had with their family. "[The] last time my family argued was when I did an interview for my [university magazine], and I just didn't want the drama anymore," the Redditor shared. According to them, the parents often favor their twin brother "who can do no wrong." That's why the Redditor feels like limiting contact is the best course of action for now
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#2
My sibling died & in the days leading up to his funeral my mother was so exquisitely awful that I stopped fantasizing about harming her & began fantasizing about my life in prison after her m***er. At one point I was standing behind her at the top of a flight of stairs as she monologued about how everything was my fault. I could have pushed her but instead promised myself that after I made it through the funeral I’d never speak with her again. This year marks a decade since I last spoke with her & my only regret is not cutting her out of my life earlier.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago (edited)
I remember, after my father died in 2021 after being fully disabled/bedridden for over 20 years (he had an accident in 2000 and sustained catastrophic brain damage) my mother continually had the audacity to basically complain at how "her life was wasted" and "her life was ruined" now because "20 years of her life was just gone." I'd stand there staring at her in dumbfounded fury. I was 18 when my dad's accident happened. I stayed home and never moved out. I was his primary caregiver. I didn't finish college. I had NO life in my 20s and 30s. My mother was *56 YEARS OLD* when my dad's accident happened. At least she got to have a normal young adulthood. I did not, and neither did my sister, who was 24 when my dad's accident happened (she stayed living at home too to help.) OUR lives were "ruined" and "wasted". My mother had GOTTEN to have a life beforehand. It's made worse by the fact that my mother bailed on the day my dad died (I stayed) and still refuses to tell anyone that he died.
#3
Long and short, I was SA’d by uncles as a child, multiple occasion. Tons of rage issues because of it. Grew up in a single parent household with mom not in the picture. Fast forward, faced my demons to an extent, mended relationship with Mom. Opened up to brothers and sisters and finally mom about the SA, suddenly I’m lying, ive always been a liar since I was a child, “my brothers would never do a thing to hurt you!”
Straight up alienated by my family tree because said SA, ended the last convo with, “you didn’t protect me as a child, you won‘t protect/support me as an adult, and you won’t protect my children either. What use are you to me or any of us?“.
People who have difficult relationships with parents often imagine it would be a relief to cut contact. In this Redditor's case, they say it doesn't actually make them feel that much better. "I feel less pressure to be someone else but not better," they admit.
At the moment, their way of dealing with the family drama is to keep busy. "I just throw myself into my studies and my friends," the netizen tells Bored Panda. They also find that reading similar stories helps, as they feel relatable and provide some perspective. "It made me realize parents aren't perfect," the Redditor says.
#4
I moved out when I was 16. Some of the things were for example I wasn't allowed in the house unless someone was home so I'd have to sit outside after school for 2-3 hours during Minnesota winters. Summer vacations were actually worse. We also lived 12 miles from the nearest town and was a very rural area. Only allowed to take 2 showers a week, 2 minutes long. Only allowed to eat diner because I was able to get free lunch from school.
These aren't even the big things or strangest things, just the day to day things. Like for example about once a week my father would make me pick up everything on the carpet. Lint, bits of grass, dog hair, etc. Wasn't allowed to use a vacuum, or anything, it had to be by hand. And if he saw anything anywhere I didn't get to eat. One chance, so he would just watch me while watching tv comb over every room looking for anything on the ground. This was also the only time I was allowed in the living room.
When I was 20 I decided I'm going to try having a relationship again at least with my mother and I went to stay with them for a few days. Again I wasn't allowed to be in the house while they were away, I had to stay in a shed and I couldn't have any of their food but I wasn't told about so I didn't bring any food. After a few days I left and never talked with them again.
That was about 25 years ago. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything of value. Oh and to add to this, I did have a brother who our father didn't do any of this to. They bought him clothes, gave him money, helped him get his first car, etc. So everything was very targeted towards me.
#5
I didn't want to be a scientologist anymore. Raised from birth to believe that b******t. Took me like 20 years to get my head straight.
#6
When I was looking at bridal gowns, I found myself looking at shapeless, full coverage dresses because I didn't want my dad acting all creepy and handsy/ make gross comments about my appearance. The thought of him walking me down the aisle made me nauseous. Then I thought "wtf, just don't invite him." And I didn't. My now husband and I walked down the aisle together. Haven't spoken to my dad since 2019 and my life has never been better.
In a previous interview for Bored Panda, Clinical Psychologist and Family Estrangement Expert Karl Melvin explained that cutting off family members is taboo for some people because society at large considers family deeply important. That's why even extended family members might pressure people to reconcile.
But that can only have the opposite effect. "Many estranged people feel the need to hold onto the past to mitigate against bowing to any pressure," Melvin explained. "A reconciliation is a deeply personal choice; a forced or pressurized reconciliation may do more harm than good."
"Part of the challenge is understanding that not everyone has the same concept of what reconciliation is," he added. "Some view it as a continuation of the old relationship as opposed to a genuine effort to reflect on mistakes made and work toward creating a more respectful and healthier relationship."
#7
Mother was career-oriented. I traveled 15 hours by Greyhound bus back to Illinois to help her finish up some roofing jobs still incomplete. She intentionally got in a fight with me at the bus station after the jobs were done, didn’t get me a ticket back, and ghosted me on $2,500. I had maybe $30 to my name at the time. Then she shut off my cell phone immediately after driving away. Had to walk about five miles to a friends house. He and a few of my other friends drove me back down to Alabama that night. Never spoke to her again.
#8
Mom got arrested for child neglect and animal cruelty.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This should be higher. That's a damn good excuse to go no contact forever.
#9
My mom was dying of cancer. She had a restraining order against my father. Father finds her, and tries to marry her (metastatic brain tumor meant she was pretty gone the last six weeks). We block it as my brother and I are medical power of attorney, but do let him see her in hospice as an act of good faith.
I get a call from hospice the morning of her passing telling us to get over ASAP, she's going. We miss her passing by minutes because my father decided to yell at my brother for half an hour because my brother had locked the door to his bedroom the night before. Father does not come with us to hospice. When we call him to see how involved he wants to be with funeral stuff, he takes off with her documents, cards, and phone, then pretends to be her online for days, telling her family to contact him "for the real story".
I was 22 and my brother was 19 when this all happened. That was the final act that made me go from "maybe in a couple years we'll have a relationship where at least I call him once every few months" to "I cannot have this man in my life." He continued to escalate after that, but that day was the point of no return.
#10
She stole my student loan money. I worked so hard to get into college and have a full scholarship, and she stole my room and board and book money. It made the first year of college damn near impossible, which kinda set the tone for the next 3.
#11
It was a slow burn.
When I was younger, my mother could be very charming and ‘loving’, with intermittent bursts of physical and emotional abuse. As I got older, that ratio flipped, and I started reading up on personality disorders. My wife and I came to realize that we’d both grown up with toxic narcissists as mothers, enabled by weak fathers who wanted to placate the crazy person and keep their own situation calm, even at the expense of their children.
A few years after we married, my MIL left hours of recorded messages on our answering service. She filled our mailbox with rants about hoping we would lose our business and that I would die. My wife went no contact with her parents, and her life began to improve significantly.
It was another 20 before we would do that with mine, but my mom went down the conservative rabbit hole, which had a multiplier effect on her ugliness. We parted ways for 9 years and reaped the benefits of a drama-free life.
Then, a year before they died, I got a call saying they would become wards of the state unless I became their conservator. They had allowed a live-in caregiver to get overly involved in their affairs. I decided to suck it up and make sure they were well cared for and could remain in their home. By this time, unbeknownst to me, my mother had dementia and my father, an avid reader, had lost his eyesight.
Surprisingly, taking care of them at the end was a great experience. My mom’s narcissism disappeared with the dementia, and she became charming and funny as hell. My dad became loving and apologetic. I think he was surprised I’d step up to the plate after all that happened.
Nevertheless, I have no regrets about going NC with any of them. Whoever said blood is thicker than water is full of s**t—family is where some of the deepest hurt comes from.
R.A. Haley 5 months ago
I have heard that the actual saying is: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning that your friends will stick by you when family won't. That applies here, for sure.
#12
After telling them I was getting divorced. They told me 1) My ex would always be their son and that they loved him more than me (to be fair they did try to back track and say they loved us both) 2) That no one else would ever love me and I'd realise I was ruining my life when I died alone 3) They only loved me becuase the bible said they had to 4) That they were writing me out of their will, and leaving it to my ex, because this was proof I was mentally unstable and once I'd come to my senses and gone back to him it would be mine anyway.
They were emotionally abusive my whole life but I kept going back and making excuses for them, not helped because my ex was abusive too. It's easy to believe you deserve to be treated badly when it's all people are telling you. Eventually I realised that I deserve to be happy and I just couldn't do that while continuing a relationship with them. They're never going to change, I think they honestly believe they're saying these things out of love and have no awareness of how they've hurt me.
#13
Jehovahs Witnesses who abused and manipulated me and coerced me into marrying a JW man when I had just turned 17. Wouldn’t accept my choice to marry a good guy outside of the religion despite him stepping up and being an amazing father to the kids I had with my ex husband who was extremely abusive and then abandoned them.
Lots of sexual abuse growing up that they never reported and made me feel responsible for.
I developed PTSD and the only way for me to improve my mental health was to cut them out completely.
#14
Every time she called me, I’d vomit from anxiety. Even if it was simple and not abusive, she would ruin my day completely. Even just seeing that I had a message after class would send me into a spiral.
The three most important people in my life came to me and were like, ‘we really can’t let this keep happening.’
One of them was my best friend’s mom and she told me, without mentioning my own mom, a story about how when she was pregnant with my best friend, she started to have trouble with her pregnancy thanks to the anxiety her mom was giving her. She told me she realized she was either going to lose her baby or lose her mother, and she decided she could stand to lose her past but couldn’t lose her future. She just kind of laid it out without even commenting on my situation. And it worked.
That was almost 15 years ago and I’ve never regretted cutting off contact.
#15
I had a kid and realized I didn't want them having any influence in her life. Their influence on mine was bad enough.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This is one advantage of waiting to have kids when you're older than when you're younger and more dependant on your possibly abusive parents.
#16
My parents were born into a cult. I was born into it also. At age 10, because I got my period I was given to a 34 year old male to be his 3rd wife. I was almost 13 when I was basically kidnapped from that cult and taken to an ex cult members house to live.
Was deprogrammed,tried to end my own life when I was 16 bc of what I went through. I'm still alive. I'll be 50 this year. I don't know if my parents or if any of my siblings are even alive.
DC 5 months ago
Religion at its core ability. If there was any peacefulness in religion, wouldn't its extremists be the most peaceful people around? Would there be any honesty in religion, wouldn't its extremists be the most honest people around? Would there be any logic in religion, wouldn't ... ? - continue with everything you value about a person, and see if any of it ... well, "dedication" will be the one exception, huh? Where extremists truly have the most of. "Obedience", I wouldn't want to call a positive personality trait, ...
#17
It was relatively small, when I stand back & look, but it was clear that our relationship was always going to be me (& everyone else) upending my life so he could do nothing at all.
The final-final straw was a request for me to attend an appointment that would mean a ~1.5 hour bus ride each direction, missing classes, missing work + make my own arrangement to stay somewhere overnight (I couldn't stay in my parents' home unless I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor somewhere & I didn't own a sleeping bag) all so my father could play Happy Family in public. Again.
I didn't get on the bus. I went to class. I had a bad day at work. Then I slept in my own bed.
I didn't mean it to be forever but I realized while my work day was tanking, I would still rather be doing that than pretending to be a Happy Family.
Everyday since has been better than it would be if he were in my life. He made good days miserable & bad days hell.
#18
I'm NC, going on 2 years and plan is forever.
Abuse. Coming to terms with the physical, emotional abuse they put me through.
Then they just turned crazy when they found religion and Trump is their messiah.
To name one of the many things:
My step mom was jealous of me because I had bigger boobs than her. I started to develop early. I got my 1st period a week after my 8th bday. Anyway - her jealousy extended to accusing me of trying to seduce my dad and s**t for my dad. I had to wear layers of clothes to help hide my boobs. Like think 4 layers. Very uncomfortable. Anyway, it got to a head one day after years of accusing me of being a whore for my dad she turned it on him and accused him..so what did my dad do? Beat the ever living s**t out of me screaming "I'm not your boyfriend" the entire time. My step mom also made my dad pay for a boob job because "no child of hers will have bigger boobs than her"
Again. One of the many fk up things.
#19
My mother gave me a long speech about the morality of being a lesbian a couple of days before I (a woman) got married to my wife. She's pretty high up on her horse for a d**g addict who stole from me.
#20
I wouldn't say disowned, but certainly ghosted.
My mother died when I was in college. It was horrible seeing her in hospital, skin yellow from jaundice, slowly succumbing to alcoholism.
My father was a hard core drinker too. He could hold his liquor better, but every night my parents would get wasted, and it was never a fun thing to be around. Being a kid growing up, you could only communicate with them in the morning when they were sober. In the evenings, I would stay in my room.
As an adult with a full realization of how my father treated me growing up - not really close, not available as a parent, occasional beatings with a belt, no acknowledgement of his faults or lack of initiative in helping my mother, I decided to ghost him.
For the last 20 years of his life, I had no communication with him. He died a sad, pathetic man who had no self awareness of the pain inflicted.
I have no regrets at all.
Ephemera Image 5 months ago
People make their choices in their lives. He chose booze. They always do. The sooner they are gone from your life, the better. There should absolutely never be any guilt about this.
#21
After 50+ years of crazy, I decided I would prefer to have a peaceful life built on my own terms.
Just because I am their kid doesn't mean I have a lifetime obligation to participate in their insanity.
"Disembodied voice" 5 months ago
Blood doesn't mean anything, if they're toxic... cut them out. It can be hard but it feels better later on.
#22
When my dad said he didn’t blame
my brother at all for trying to stab me… that was the final straw for me…
Going on 18 years of no contact. Don’t see it ever changing.
#23
It was a long process, but it really ended when my mom tried to sue my wife and me for "grandparents' rights." Anything after that would've only helped her to build a case to legally kidnap our son.
Wendy Crow 5 months ago
This idea of grandparents rights is unreasonable and should never ever be a thing let alone legal.
#24
Parents got divorced between 12-14. During that period my dad became an evangelical Christian. All of the sudden, everything revolved around god and jesus. This continued until he moved to the US when I was 18 because “America is doing the lords work.” He completely ghosted his 2 teenage children and started a new “Christian family.”
He came to visit one time. He never met his 3 grandchildren and died in 2022. It had been 17 years since I had seen him. I did not go to the funeral because, to me, he had been dead a long time. .
#25
It was a long time coming. But the straw that broke the camels back was berating me for not coming to a family function when I told my father that I had something that was completely unskippable at work. I had been abused by my father for years, his way of getting back at me for my mother leaving him I suppose. I just lost it at him and told him what I thought of him. I haven’t spoken to him or his family that all took his side every single time in 15 years.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 5 months ago
Can only imagine how good it felt to lay into him and then severe all ties.
#26
Dad pulled a loaded gun on me, haven’t talked to him since. I’ve heard he’s died since then and could care less.
#27
Constantly trying to get me to divorce my wife whom Ive been with for 15 years. She (my wife) has BPD, and is recovering from a very traumatic childhood. I understand this, and support her even on the tough days. My parents think she's "a psycho", and not worth my time, despite the fact that Im happiest around her, and we work very hard on our relationship despite our personal problems/flaws. Parents see it as, "she's broken, dump her". Which is horrible. Im proud of how far my wife has come in the years we've been together, and when my parents gave me a "her or us" choice, I stopped talking to them.
#28
For me, it was a respect issue. I was pregnant with my first, and I know that miscarriages happen more frequently than people know, and I told my mom to not tell anyone. Not even her family, no one. I couldn’t have stressed that enough, and I told her my reasons. Well, she disrespected that and told literally everyone. That was it for me, it was just the last straw and I had enough.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This is something I know my mom would do. I kept my pregnancy hidden until the 4th month, just to be sure.
#29
When they threatened to ruin my job and prevent my employment by lying and staged an intervention to coerce me into corroborating their BS. No contact going on 7 years and it’s never been better.
#30
After going no contact several times, it was finally when my dad died and I had to fly across the country and I left my kids with my mother she told them I abandoned them and then kidnapped my oldest and left her in another state with another family member. Haven’t spoken to her in almost 3 years, it’s very nice.
#31
Generational trauma and religious trauma are two of the largest factors why I had a poor relationship with my parents, with constantly having to keep up appearances/facades and never feeling like I'm enough for them coming in at a close second, not to mention the clear lack of respect for my time and space over and over again. Me coming out released quite the backlash from them ("you have brought great dishonor to your family and made a nightmare for your mother..." and so on), messaging me once a week or so to berate me for it, so once this happened, I changed my legal name, changed all my documents, dropped off my old phone wiped at their house, and noped out.
#32
I caught them extorting money from my handicapped aunt. 3 months into becoming a new father I had to also become the legal guardian of my aunt because my parents had successfully bled a third of her life savings and were going for the rest. It took that really horrible act for me to finally admit how evil they were and pull the plug.
Blue Flower 5 months ago
I hope you reported them to the proper authorities and had them arrested for extortion and theft and had them pay the money back with interest as part of their restitution.
#33
My father, he physically and verbally abused my sister and I when we were kids. We got taken away and put into foster care finally our mom was found and we went with her.
For a couple of years after I wanted nothing to do with my father but around 10 years old I was like why not, i had gone into therapy and I started to talk to him again. For the next 20 years I did everything I could to have him be a part of my life. I was always calling, emailing, sending messages arranging for us to see each other( he was military moved around a lot) and he probably reached out first less than five times. If I didn't message/ call him first we could go months without communicating.
What finally did it for me was when I became a mom. I would do anything for them, protect them, I could never imagine hurting my children. It really got me thinking about my relationship with my father and I realized I how s****y he is, yes I forgave him for everything but did he do anything to deserve that? Big f*****g no!
I wrote him a long a*s message told him how I felt and he responded but it was all b******t. It's been two years now since we have talked and I wish I had done it sooner.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
Just a reminder that if this is too much you can click off. You’re all wonderful, I hope you have a great day. 🙂
#34
There truly wasn’t one. It just was so much, for so long that I just stopped. My mom was too proud ever to call me because in her head, she deserved to be called. My father chose to cut me out of his life when my wife asked him not to wear shoes in the house.
#35
We told my mom she needed to address her behavior and offer a sincere apology. I knew she was going to try to sweep her behavior under the rug by "having a medical emergency" and going to the hospital. She texted my husband one night and told him she thought she broke her foot and asked for a ride to the hospital (she was fine). I warned him that she was trying to manipulate us and told him to be on guard. She tried to give a half-assed apology and he cut her off and told her it wasn't an appropriate time, that she could apologize when it wasn't late at night and they weren't going to the hospital. The next day she texted my husband something like, "I apologized, can I see my grandkids now?" He reiterated that she needed to offer a sincere apology and addres her behavior. An hour and a half later, a police officer knocked on our door because she called the cops for a wellness check on our kids. Nope. Not putting up with that, we were done.
It's been two and a half years since then and they have been the most peaceful years of my life.
Also, everyone acted like I was psychic when I predicted that the next thing that she would do was go to the hospital for no reason. It doesn't take a psychic to predict that someone who regularly used going to the hospital as a way to get attention was going to continue that trend.
30ninjazinmybag 5 months ago
Classic case of manipulation to get out of an apology but to then call the cops yeah I'd nope out too.
#36
He went through my stuff without asking then continued to s**t talk me to my mom, who proceeded to not stand up for me.
As for the contents of my stuff, it was a bunch of religious books he really did NOT like as a devout Catholic. I was just beginning my anthropology studies.
But today I'm an anthropologist :).
#37
It was more of a long haul. As I matured as a person I began to realise that I couldn't let my mother keep affecting my mental health with her narcissistic abuse. It was hard to walk away but would have been much harder to keep putting up with her abuse.
"Disembodied voice" 5 months ago
I honestly felt something similar with my father. He was manipulative, tried to turn me and my siblings against each other and our mom. Doing better without him.
#38
My mom had an affair behind my dad's back and they divorced. I tried to be there for both until my mom started talking about living with her permanently, meeting her new man and pretty much cutting my dad off. That wasn't gonna happen but I still tried to be around. I found out she was doing coke a little while after that. Okay, whatever. I can forgive that. She started asking me, a 14 year old at the time for money I didn't have. Soon it became less about actually giving a s**t about me and more about the child support checks she'd receive if I took her side. I walked in on my dad, drunk as hell, loaded gun on the table sobbing after I came home from my mom's one weekend. After seeing that and how badly it tore my dad apart and how little my mom gave a f**k I decided to cut her off right there. It's been almost 15 years since I've talked to her. I don't regret my decision.
#39
My father abandoned my mom and I when I was 2. Divorced her long distance when I was 6. When I was 30 I found him and we began talking, he told me about a brother I had and made it seem like I was part of a family, when we talked on the phone he was always telling me stories about my brother. After about 6 months I realized he had never let me actually meet or talk to my brother and I suspected he never talked to my sibling about me. He got mad and said that was hurtful but eventually admitted it to be true. My sibling had grown to his early 20s without knowing I existed and father gets mad at me. He had hidden his entire first marriage and kid from his second family their whole life. Eventually I met them and we have a good relationship but he never spoke to me again because calling him out on his lies was “ the most venomous thing he ever experienced “. He was a life long educator and when he died I wasn’t even named in the obituary BUT it does say how he spent his whole life “helping kids”… you know, except his own kid.
Cindy Brick 5 months ago
I know how this feels. When my blood father died, all of his 12 or so kids were listed -- except me. I wrote a letter to the oldest son, saying that I did exist. Met him later on, and he told me I was fortunate -- that living with his father was very very difficult.
#40
My "dad" and I were already arguing (via messenger)after he said "answer me!" regarding a question he asked about my mom that was none of his business. Long story shortish: During our argument I somehow ended up bringing up how he picked on me mercilessly when I was a teen and forced me to hide my face any time I watched TV with the family so he wouldn't have to see me twitch because I have tourette syndrome. His only response was that I do not have tourettes. That was one of the worst times of my life and it really made me ask why the fk I should even bother keeping in contact with him, so now I don't. Apologies for the run on sentences.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
How absolutely awful. OP cannot help Tourette Syndrome tics. My dad had it and was so ashamed of it (he was born in the 40s.) Even as a young child I knew how much it bothered him, and I once asked him to be a parent chaperone on a class field trip. He said he didn't want to embarrass me in front of my classmates. I told him that I wasn't embarrassed of him or his tics at all. If a CHILD can tell a parent that, how DARE a parent mock their CHILD for a disorder that they cannot help or control?
#41
The situation with my abusive parent got to the point where I was so depressed and at the end of my rope, that i was very, very close to ending everything. At that point, I had no choice but to walk away, or end up six feet under. My only regret is waiting until my late 40s to finally walk away. Wish I had the courage to do it 30 years earlier.
#42
My mom walked out on my dad and me when I was five. From the time she left I longed for her love and affection; my dad was a stand-up guy but not the emotionally nurturing type.
My mom ended up marrying her affair partner who was a d**k (he abandoned his own wife and kids for her and never wanted me around), and she strung me along for 20 years with tiny dribbles of attention, occasional short visits and phone calls where she'd act sad that we weren't closer.
After her husband died the phone calls became more frequent and she'd say all of these careless extremely hurtful things, or she'd be drunk and crying about how she missed me. The calls were incredibly painful to sit through. Every time we'd hang up after talking I'd just break down and cry for the relationship I wish we'd had and the need for a mom's love that never went away.
A lot of bad s**t happened to me over the years and I always knew that it could have all been a lot easier to get through if I had a mom who cared and supported me, someone to listen to me and help me through things.
The tipping point came at my wedding. We had a small beach wedding, and my mom decided to show up and play mother of the bride, a title she was definitely not worthy of. She insinuated herself into special gestures that were aimed at my partner's mom and my stepmom which really pissed me off.
After the wedding and honeymoon. and I sent her a letter telling her I just didn't want to talk to her anymore. I listed a bunch of the s****y things she'd done and ways she'd let me down. I told her that she had made me terrified to have kids of my own because I didn't know the first thing about being a good mom, or that I'd abandon them like she did to me. I told her that it was just too painful having her in my life.
It's been over 20 years and I'm at peace with that decision.
#43
My dad had contacted me about 3 times by the time I was 15. he realized he might die soon and got in contact with my brothers and I like nothing happened & my brothers took him back very kindly. I did not, he eventually started continuously asking for money & acting like he had part in my our upbringing. they finally cut him off as well.
tbh its me being petty, my dad has about 6 kids and im the only girl. I like to think that his only daughter never talking to him was the karma for all he’s done.
Not Who You Think 5 months ago
I'm glad you were smart enough to figure out what your brothers initially could not. And I'm glad they woke up and cut him off, too. Even if you feel like you did it to be petty, it's most likely the best decision you could have made under those circumstances.
#44
Condemned me to hell for being a disobedient daughter. The last thing he told me on the phone was that he disowned me. All because I didn't agree to help him bilk the government for disability benefits. It's been over 10 years. I hope he regrets being a lonely old man but I don't think narcissists regret anything.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
They always manage to put the blame on everyone else. Your adult child won't talk to you? It's not YOUR fault, it's THEIRS! (I live this every day with my mom.)
#45
I was venting to my mother that my ex was driving his gf and my kids around so drunk my child told the younger child to make sure his seat belt was on correctly because the ex was so drunk they were repeatedly veering into the oncoming lane. I was also venting that now the ex moved the gf in after the kids meeting her once as "just a friend" they altered my preteens bedtime to 9pm so they could f**k so loudly my kids said it seemed like they were purposely putting on a show.
My mother had the nerve to say I sounded jealous.
The ex was abusive to me and the kids during the marriage and since the divorce became more abusive, angry and unhinged. About a week after she said that to me, the ex left a significant bruise and I wound up with full custody.
I'm still pissed about it.
MissMePhoenix 5 months ago (edited)
Glad you got full custody, but ex should have his testicles (if they can be found) removed through his a**s. THROUGH HIS A N U S. FÙCK YOU BP ÀNUS IS AN ANATOMICALLY CORRECT TERM!!!
#46
My sister said something horrible to me and my mother insisted I apologize for causing her stress. We were in our 30s at that point and I just left. Been over a year and I haven’t spoken to either of them.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I remember once when I was a very small child (single digit age), my older sister and I had an argument about something childish and stupid (can't remember what.) When my mom drove us to school that day, she dropped my sister off first and told me to kiss my sister goodbye. When I refused, my mom twisted around in her seat, grabbed me by the hair, and pulled me between the front seats onto the center console and screamed at me to kiss my sister goodbye or else she'd kill me. (Late 80s, no mandatory seatbelt-wearing in my state at the time, which is why my mom could pull me from the back seat to the front seats.) I kissed my sister goodbye. I have never forgotten this. I'm adopted and my sister is my parents' biological child. My sister is very much the golden child. She still is.
#47
My dad was always a functional alcoholic and hit retirement about 6 years ago. I knew this was going to be his downfall with having nothing better to do. I stopped calling him after 3pm because talking to him was impossible. That slowly became a noon cutoff, and then I just couldn't handle it.
I have a half sister that he doesn't claim and has had nothing to do with for 40 years. She connected with family via one of those DNA sites, and my dad didn't believe it. He made up a story that they needed to do a paternity test on a 45 year old to properly set up his will. Then he was so drunk he misread the results and called her telling her he's not her father. Mind you, this was all because my cousins asked if she would like to come to a family reunion and meet them.
I told him he needs to get help and apologize....he told me he didn't care if he ever talked to me again. I cut off communication then, and it's been about 2 years.
It really sucks because I miss my dad, but I just try to remember him as when I was younger.
Mike F 5 months ago
But the person he was when the OP was younger is a person he'll never be again. This is from someone who missed a whole lot of years due to alcohol. When we allow it to become our "family" there's no undoing what's done. Even getting sober and turning your life back around you can't unring the bell, and no amount of apologies will remove the pain from the eyes of those they've hurt. Been there.
#48
Boyfriends family but I feel the effects…. Took boyfriends brothers side over his daughter (the granddaughter) over SA allegations, grandma made granddaughter call her abuser and look at pictures of him to try and convince her she was wrong - haven’t spoken a word to them since.
#49
I am going through a mental health struggle at the moment. My mother thought the best way to support me through that was to get blind drunk and act like a petulant toddler.
She's in her 50's, but has never acted like an adult or a supportive parent. I couldn't take being the 'adult' in our dynamic anymore. I needed my mum. She let me down.
Kerry Borthwick 5 months ago
I have mental health battles too it's hard instead of me cutting off my parents I had to do it to my twin sisters as they have tried to kill me since I was born and even as a adult I still wished them happy birthday and praying I'd get acceptance but this year is the end of it
#50
It added up over time- just chaotic and disrespectful. I asked myself WHY I was suffering through this relationship when it was taking a serious toll on my mental well-being. I decided one day that I was done. I still ache for that figure in my life (not him), and I’m sad that I never got the Father I needed and that we all deserve- a soft place to land, someone who builds you up instead of tearing you down, someone who tells you everyday that you are enough and you deserve to be loved just as you are.
What do you think ?
Ash 5 months ago
I met my best friend in 2014, when I was in grad school. She sniffed out pretty immediately that my mom was emotionally abusive. I had no idea. She would gently try to hint that the things my mom was doing weren't okay, but I was so brainwashed, I would defend my mom. It took my bestie 4 years, but in 2018 my mom's emotional abuse got significantly worse for a month or two, and then I caught her in a deliberate lie that she could ONLY be telling in order to hurt me, and it just clicked. I knew I needed to get out. Moved out in 2020, and am now living with my bestie and her family! (Now if only I could convince her that her husband is a selfish emotional vampire with the same personality disorder my mom has... sigh.)
LayDiva in the Zone 5 months ago
She needs to get the beam out of her eye, that's why she saw the speck in yours.
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nancthetank 5 months ago
I feel sad for all the trauma everyone has been through. I hope there’s lots of happiness ahead!
Hphizzle 5 months ago
Some times it’s the littlest things that open your eyes. With a particular “friend group” we were all out to eat. And I was just sitting there thinking that I would rather be at the gym (a shocking revelation for me, haha). I’d rather be with my workout buddies than sitting here. Walked away from all that (it was a church group of friends) and have been much happier.
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
It was hard but i read through all the stories, i also read the comments people made sharing their experiences. To these people here on BP i would like to say: Thank you for sharing your stories, i really needed this right now. I went NC with my family some years ago and lately i was slightly doubting my decision. I recognise my situation in so many of your stories, thank you all for reminding me that i made the right decision. Much love to you all. ❤️
Mark Fuller 5 months ago
I'm totally in that place. It's been 18 months since I saw my arrogant, narcissistic father and I feel better for it.
Hoodoo 5 months ago
I'd the same situation save it was my mum. Tho I never totally cut contact ( for m' dad's sake,) I kept her at arm's length - similar reasons. I'm now 65, m' parents are both gone, & I can tell you that my mum NEVER really changed. Taking the High Road can sometimes lead to nowhere. You're wise to protect yourself.
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 5 months ago
I went NC with both parents: my dad cuz he's a pervert that mòlested my sister and I (Mom knew this too), my mom cuz she told me the abuse (basically most every type of abuse one can imagine) was my fault, I goaded them into it, and I deserved it. That was my last phone conversation with her, March of 2019, ending it with "I have to go" and hanging up. I hope they both suffer a long, painful, miserable dèath.
Skadi Lifdis 5 months ago
Long story short, we always had a volatile relationship. We had been estranged a few times in my teens and early 20's. The final estrangement happened when me and my 5 year old son lived with him. He was trying to throw us out at 9pm during a torrential thunderstorm and threatened anyone offering to help me. Then he tells me "I have a .45 and can stay up all night". Cops were called. My son and I were placed in a domestic violence shelter with only what I could carry. We ended up moving back to California and I haven't spoken to him since. I honestly don't know where he is and assume he's still alive because no one has called my former mother in law to get word to me that he's dead. Don't know. Don't care.
Skadi Lifdis 5 months ago
Also - during this incident, he was extremely drunk and high on coke. Had been sober when we moved in but started drinking again not too long after we arrived.
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Li Terrell 5 months ago
Nobody really talks about parents who have to cut off their children 😞 sometimes they are just as bad
Guess Undheit 5 months ago
When I moved abroad for what I thought was a one year job, I realized, "I don't have to go back." So I never did. I cut contact with the abusive breeders, then kept track of them so they wouldn't know where I was. I didn't shed a tear when either of them died. Cut off the siblings too because despite both abusers being dead, the siblings are still under their control (the male now an incel, the female breeding kids like rabbits because of religious nonsense). Best. Decision. Ever.
Amy Broderick 5 months ago
I've been NC for about a year and a half. The year or so before that was LC. I just got tired of hearing about things I supposedly said or did (that never happened) from other people who were pissed at me for these things that never actually happened. I got tired of being gaslit constantly of being shown that my feelings didn't matter especially when my siblings were involved or that I was in the wrong the whole time when I literally was not involved in the bs. I was just an easy scapegoat. My kid was bullied by her (her only grandchild) and was being put down even though her own son was doing the same exact things my kid was (video games and holing up in their rooms). Just a lifetime of bull and being bullied by her - I've had enough of not mattering to her except as an excuse for her to be a victim (apparently I yelled at her a lot and said mean things lol). I need to get her out of my head before I can be free. But I'm working on it.
Nimitz 5 months ago
I'll always remember how my parents f****d up my chance at university. At the time, in order to get a student loan in Alberta your parents needed to make less than $56k or you had to get a private loan which needed co-signing. My dad was making 6 figures and refused to co-sign or help in any way. He told me to report my Mom and her husband's income (prosperity gospel people who have no money) in order to embarrass them and their $23k income. Then he gave me a cheque for $500 in my 2nd year and reported me as a dependent. The student loan service cancelled my loans and told me they were due in full NOW and the university revoked my scholarships and asked for the money back. I had to drop out and even working two full time jobs it only took 7 months for me to go bankrupt and end up almost homeless. It took 18 further years, but finally, after they kept doing s**t like that to me, I realized no contact was the way to go. My life has improved massively since
Ace 5 months ago
Gave up reading them after the first half a dozen or so. TLDR; parents are shít. BTDTGTTS.
Ionescu Popa 4 months ago
and those doing it for a secondary purpose are ten times worse.
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D.N. Lyons 4 months ago
My biological father raped me repeatedly for twelve years, his abuse starting from when I was 15 to just before my first marriage. Hubby #1 thought it was se×y for him to text me asking for nudes. Excuse me, Denny. This is literally my father texting me. Wtf is wrong with you? And my mother? Never stopped it, just said I was a liar......and when my niece was 11, Daddy Dearest exposed himself to her and tried to watch her change. He even tried to rape my baby sister. So now Mommy Dearest knows what really happened, and I don't talk to anyone I'm DNA-related to----including baby sister, since she won't go to CPS.
Livingwithcfs 5 months ago
I spent my life being the good girl of the family. Shes got so much common sense but she's not the brightest. Even though I stayed loyal to them I got thus and worse all my life. I tried going NC several times but was always roped back in. I cared for both of them in their last illnesses. I never cried for them. I'm glad they've gone, my life is so much happier without all of that c**p. I now have a family of friends who have never said I wasn't good enough
Gracie Mae 5 months ago
parents divorced when i was young, don't remember him, wasn't in my life, but i was always curious. when i grew up, i found him (a few times, because he always 'disappeared' again). mom went with me to meet him. he ended up moving to our state, mom was gracious enough to let him live with her. until he couldn't deal with her; he expected me to let him live with me, but i'd only known him about 6 mos, and wasn't real fond of what i'd learned, so NO. he moved back to his home state with a promise to keep in touch, then ghosted me. ok--as a grown woman w/grandkids, you can't miss a dad you never had; I'm good with it. Besides, I found out recently that the 2 daughters he DID raise with his 2nd wife ARENT HIS! even better? they're HALF-SISTERS to each other--his wife screwed around on him more than once w/more than one man! yeah, dna doesn't lie! also found out he screwed around & produced a psycho daughter. wish i was hateful enough to tell him--haven't spoken to any of them in years!
Mandi T. 5 months ago
I cut mine off after 40 years of emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical neglect, borderline physical abuse. Sadly, I let all of the abuse to me go. Until my mother laughed in my daughters' faces the night their daddy was hit and killed. Just because she had never liked him. Haven't voluntarily spoken to her since. Haven't spoken to her at all in 2 years. Hurt me all you want. You DO NOT hurt my kids.
Brittany Copeland 5 months ago
Went NC with my dad when I was 17. Final straw was when, after I was telling him about my plans to pay for college, he went off about how i as a gold digger just like my sl*t mother. I hung up. She's never asked him for money beyond what the state assigned as child support and I had only ever asked once to help me buy a car (didn't happen). He refused to believe I had any health issues, mental or physical (which I do, made my teenage years hell). Tried to turn his family on my mom and sister (they refused and I love them all for it). Saw him for the first time in 15 years a couple months back, at his dad's funeral. He sent his brother over to say he wanted a relationship with me. I told my uncle that Dad knew where to find me, but I wasn't going to make the first move again. Haven't heard a peep from him since.
Rachael Holland 5 months ago
It was never official. But my dad left my mum when I was 3 and my brother was 3 weeks old. We had some contact through my childhood but not much. When I went to university, my dad said that I was worth speaking to, but my brother wasn't since he wasn't doing anything after secondary school. Then when I dropped out of university and my brother joined the army, he told my brother that he was worth speaking to but I wasn't. Haven't spoken to him since. It's been 20 years, but I don't need that attitude in my life. My dad did make an effort with my brother's kids , but that lasted only a couple of years before he got bored. I honestly don't know if I'll even be upset when he passes.
Giraffy Window 5 months ago (edited)
Not me, but my older sibling. One night a car full of kids blew through a red light. My sibling did not have time to stop, and T-boned the vehicle. The passengers were completely unharmed, but the 17yo driver was unresponsive. My sibling did CPR until emergency services arrived but, heartbreakingly, the kid was pronounced DOA. The devastated mother of this poor kid at first was very understanding, and grateful for how sib tried to save her child. From there it turned to "I want to meet one on one so I can forgive you, and we can move on together in this" My sib is mentally and emotionally damaged from the experience, and wasn't prepared to build any sort of relationship off of the most horrifying thing in their life, nor did they feel capable of helping this person carry her own burden of grief. They kindly, gently declined the invitation of a relationship. My sib was fully cleared of all wrongdoing in court, the kid's friends testified their friend ran the red, and that my sibling stayed and fought to keep their friend alive.***
Giraffy Window 5 months ago (edited)
She continued to press for them to meet to the point my sibling had to get a cease and desist. The mother then began a smear campaign on Facebook about how my sibling and the police must be hiding something, implying sib hadn't actually been sober, and must have some kind of connections covering for them. ****** Three years later, our Dad "felt led" to reach out to this woman through messenger, and have a talk "parent to parent". His intent was to try and get the three of them sat down together (I guess with him as a mediator?) the messages started off fine, but then the woman grew agitated and started calling sib an "attention seeker" (they're not) and how they must have been hiding something from that night to have never wanted to talk to her outside of official mediation. She began saying she'll wait outside sib's home if she has to, and then they'll HAVE to talk. Dad ended the convo, and sent all the messages to sib, saying he messed up. Sib went full NC. They don't want it to be forever, but didn't set an actual end point for when they'll be ready to talk to him. "Felt led" was too often used to force expectations on us growing up, and this time it managed to stir up a whole lot of pain, serious trauma, and the dormant, misplaced rage of a grieving mother. My sibling is too scared to go outside without checking ring doorbell even just to go to their back yard; the woman has been talking to acquaintances, and trying to message sib's friends on messenger trying to get to sib, who has her blocked on everything.
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Ash 5 months ago
I met my best friend in 2014, when I was in grad school. She sniffed out pretty immediately that my mom was emotionally abusive. I had no idea. She would gently try to hint that the things my mom was doing weren't okay, but I was so brainwashed, I would defend my mom. It took my bestie 4 years, but in 2018 my mom's emotional abuse got significantly worse for a month or two, and then I caught her in a deliberate lie that she could ONLY be telling in order to hurt me, and it just clicked. I knew I needed to get out. Moved out in 2020, and am now living with my bestie and her family! (Now if only I could convince her that her husband is a selfish emotional vampire with the same personality disorder my mom has... sigh.)
LayDiva in the Zone 5 months ago
She needs to get the beam out of her eye, that's why she saw the speck in yours.
Load More Replies... nancthetank 5 months ago
I feel sad for all the trauma everyone has been through. I hope there’s lots of happiness ahead!
Hphizzle 5 months ago
Some times it’s the littlest things that open your eyes. With a particular “friend group” we were all out to eat. And I was just sitting there thinking that I would rather be at the gym (a shocking revelation for me, haha). I’d rather be with my workout buddies than sitting here. Walked away from all that (it was a church group of friends) and have been much happier.
Anna Ekberg 5 months ago
It was hard but i read through all the stories, i also read the comments people made sharing their experiences. To these people here on BP i would like to say: Thank you for sharing your stories, i really needed this right now. I went NC with my family some years ago and lately i was slightly doubting my decision. I recognise my situation in so many of your stories, thank you all for reminding me that i made the right decision. Much love to you all. ❤️
Mark Fuller 5 months ago
I'm totally in that place. It's been 18 months since I saw my arrogant, narcissistic father and I feel better for it.
Hoodoo 5 months ago
I'd the same situation save it was my mum. Tho I never totally cut contact ( for m' dad's sake,) I kept her at arm's length - similar reasons. I'm now 65, m' parents are both gone, & I can tell you that my mum NEVER really changed. Taking the High Road can sometimes lead to nowhere. You're wise to protect yourself.
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 5 months ago
I went NC with both parents: my dad cuz he's a pervert that mòlested my sister and I (Mom knew this too), my mom cuz she told me the abuse (basically most every type of abuse one can imagine) was my fault, I goaded them into it, and I deserved it. That was my last phone conversation with her, March of 2019, ending it with "I have to go" and hanging up. I hope they both suffer a long, painful, miserable dèath.
Skadi Lifdis 5 months ago
Long story short, we always had a volatile relationship. We had been estranged a few times in my teens and early 20's. The final estrangement happened when me and my 5 year old son lived with him. He was trying to throw us out at 9pm during a torrential thunderstorm and threatened anyone offering to help me. Then he tells me "I have a .45 and can stay up all night". Cops were called. My son and I were placed in a domestic violence shelter with only what I could carry. We ended up moving back to California and I haven't spoken to him since. I honestly don't know where he is and assume he's still alive because no one has called my former mother in law to get word to me that he's dead. Don't know. Don't care.
Skadi Lifdis 5 months ago
Also - during this incident, he was extremely drunk and high on coke. Had been sober when we moved in but started drinking again not too long after we arrived.
Load More Replies... Li Terrell 5 months ago
Nobody really talks about parents who have to cut off their children 😞 sometimes they are just as bad
Guess Undheit 5 months ago
When I moved abroad for what I thought was a one year job, I realized, "I don't have to go back." So I never did. I cut contact with the abusive breeders, then kept track of them so they wouldn't know where I was. I didn't shed a tear when either of them died. Cut off the siblings too because despite both abusers being dead, the siblings are still under their control (the male now an incel, the female breeding kids like rabbits because of religious nonsense). Best. Decision. Ever.
Amy Broderick 5 months ago
I've been NC for about a year and a half. The year or so before that was LC. I just got tired of hearing about things I supposedly said or did (that never happened) from other people who were pissed at me for these things that never actually happened. I got tired of being gaslit constantly of being shown that my feelings didn't matter especially when my siblings were involved or that I was in the wrong the whole time when I literally was not involved in the bs. I was just an easy scapegoat. My kid was bullied by her (her only grandchild) and was being put down even though her own son was doing the same exact things my kid was (video games and holing up in their rooms). Just a lifetime of bull and being bullied by her - I've had enough of not mattering to her except as an excuse for her to be a victim (apparently I yelled at her a lot and said mean things lol). I need to get her out of my head before I can be free. But I'm working on it.
Nimitz 5 months ago
I'll always remember how my parents f****d up my chance at university. At the time, in order to get a student loan in Alberta your parents needed to make less than $56k or you had to get a private loan which needed co-signing. My dad was making 6 figures and refused to co-sign or help in any way. He told me to report my Mom and her husband's income (prosperity gospel people who have no money) in order to embarrass them and their $23k income. Then he gave me a cheque for $500 in my 2nd year and reported me as a dependent. The student loan service cancelled my loans and told me they were due in full NOW and the university revoked my scholarships and asked for the money back. I had to drop out and even working two full time jobs it only took 7 months for me to go bankrupt and end up almost homeless. It took 18 further years, but finally, after they kept doing s**t like that to me, I realized no contact was the way to go. My life has improved massively since
Ace 5 months ago
Gave up reading them after the first half a dozen or so. TLDR; parents are shít. BTDTGTTS.
Ionescu Popa 4 months ago
and those doing it for a secondary purpose are ten times worse.
Load More Replies... D.N. Lyons 4 months ago
My biological father raped me repeatedly for twelve years, his abuse starting from when I was 15 to just before my first marriage. Hubby #1 thought it was se×y for him to text me asking for nudes. Excuse me, Denny. This is literally my father texting me. Wtf is wrong with you? And my mother? Never stopped it, just said I was a liar......and when my niece was 11, Daddy Dearest exposed himself to her and tried to watch her change. He even tried to rape my baby sister. So now Mommy Dearest knows what really happened, and I don't talk to anyone I'm DNA-related to----including baby sister, since she won't go to CPS.
Livingwithcfs 5 months ago
I spent my life being the good girl of the family. Shes got so much common sense but she's not the brightest. Even though I stayed loyal to them I got thus and worse all my life. I tried going NC several times but was always roped back in. I cared for both of them in their last illnesses. I never cried for them. I'm glad they've gone, my life is so much happier without all of that c**p. I now have a family of friends who have never said I wasn't good enough
Gracie Mae 5 months ago
parents divorced when i was young, don't remember him, wasn't in my life, but i was always curious. when i grew up, i found him (a few times, because he always 'disappeared' again). mom went with me to meet him. he ended up moving to our state, mom was gracious enough to let him live with her. until he couldn't deal with her; he expected me to let him live with me, but i'd only known him about 6 mos, and wasn't real fond of what i'd learned, so NO. he moved back to his home state with a promise to keep in touch, then ghosted me. ok--as a grown woman w/grandkids, you can't miss a dad you never had; I'm good with it. Besides, I found out recently that the 2 daughters he DID raise with his 2nd wife ARENT HIS! even better? they're HALF-SISTERS to each other--his wife screwed around on him more than once w/more than one man! yeah, dna doesn't lie! also found out he screwed around & produced a psycho daughter. wish i was hateful enough to tell him--haven't spoken to any of them in years!
Mandi T. 5 months ago
I cut mine off after 40 years of emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical neglect, borderline physical abuse. Sadly, I let all of the abuse to me go. Until my mother laughed in my daughters' faces the night their daddy was hit and killed. Just because she had never liked him. Haven't voluntarily spoken to her since. Haven't spoken to her at all in 2 years. Hurt me all you want. You DO NOT hurt my kids.
Brittany Copeland 5 months ago
Went NC with my dad when I was 17. Final straw was when, after I was telling him about my plans to pay for college, he went off about how i as a gold digger just like my sl*t mother. I hung up. She's never asked him for money beyond what the state assigned as child support and I had only ever asked once to help me buy a car (didn't happen). He refused to believe I had any health issues, mental or physical (which I do, made my teenage years hell). Tried to turn his family on my mom and sister (they refused and I love them all for it). Saw him for the first time in 15 years a couple months back, at his dad's funeral. He sent his brother over to say he wanted a relationship with me. I told my uncle that Dad knew where to find me, but I wasn't going to make the first move again. Haven't heard a peep from him since.
Rachael Holland 5 months ago
It was never official. But my dad left my mum when I was 3 and my brother was 3 weeks old. We had some contact through my childhood but not much. When I went to university, my dad said that I was worth speaking to, but my brother wasn't since he wasn't doing anything after secondary school. Then when I dropped out of university and my brother joined the army, he told my brother that he was worth speaking to but I wasn't. Haven't spoken to him since. It's been 20 years, but I don't need that attitude in my life. My dad did make an effort with my brother's kids , but that lasted only a couple of years before he got bored. I honestly don't know if I'll even be upset when he passes.
Giraffy Window 5 months ago (edited)
Not me, but my older sibling. One night a car full of kids blew through a red light. My sibling did not have time to stop, and T-boned the vehicle. The passengers were completely unharmed, but the 17yo driver was unresponsive. My sibling did CPR until emergency services arrived but, heartbreakingly, the kid was pronounced DOA. The devastated mother of this poor kid at first was very understanding, and grateful for how sib tried to save her child. From there it turned to "I want to meet one on one so I can forgive you, and we can move on together in this" My sib is mentally and emotionally damaged from the experience, and wasn't prepared to build any sort of relationship off of the most horrifying thing in their life, nor did they feel capable of helping this person carry her own burden of grief. They kindly, gently declined the invitation of a relationship. My sib was fully cleared of all wrongdoing in court, the kid's friends testified their friend ran the red, and that my sibling stayed and fought to keep their friend alive.***
Giraffy Window 5 months ago (edited)
She continued to press for them to meet to the point my sibling had to get a cease and desist. The mother then began a smear campaign on Facebook about how my sibling and the police must be hiding something, implying sib hadn't actually been sober, and must have some kind of connections covering for them. ****** Three years later, our Dad "felt led" to reach out to this woman through messenger, and have a talk "parent to parent". His intent was to try and get the three of them sat down together (I guess with him as a mediator?) the messages started off fine, but then the woman grew agitated and started calling sib an "attention seeker" (they're not) and how they must have been hiding something from that night to have never wanted to talk to her outside of official mediation. She began saying she'll wait outside sib's home if she has to, and then they'll HAVE to talk. Dad ended the convo, and sent all the messages to sib, saying he messed up. Sib went full NC. They don't want it to be forever, but didn't set an actual end point for when they'll be ready to talk to him. "Felt led" was too often used to force expectations on us growing up, and this time it managed to stir up a whole lot of pain, serious trauma, and the dormant, misplaced rage of a grieving mother. My sibling is too scared to go outside without checking ring doorbell even just to go to their back yard; the woman has been talking to acquaintances, and trying to message sib's friends on messenger trying to get to sib, who has her blocked on everything.
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Rugilė Žemaitytė
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Ieva Pečiulytė
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