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30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I'm emotionally unavailable. Sometimes I just disappear. My closest friends understand this but it's off putting for new friendships. It's nothing personal, I just need to recharge.

mmm-pistol-whip , unsplash Report

Final score:

209points

POST

October 2 years ago

I can relate to this one. Also: "Yes, I like you a lot. But no, I'm not comming to your party."

55points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I'm extremely insecure and overthink a lot, I feel constant fear of being disliked or abandoned, I need a lot of reassurance in things because my anxiety makes me so scared and worried I either hold on too tight or I push people away even though I want them close which only end up hurting them more.

floofywhiteclouds , unsplash Report

Final score:

156points

POST

Rachknits 2 years ago

You may find therapy helpful with this, it helped me

38points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait Growing up feeling very unknown/unseen, I have a tendency to overshare and get excited if someone shows an interest in me. It can come across as overriding and waiting for someone to finish what they are saying just so I can say my thing. I also want people to genuinely like me so I tell them a lot of the bad or difficult stuff right away, so they are pre-warned and I don't feel like I'm wasting my time with someone who can't handle the sh*t that lead to who I am now, and the people I still interact with on a semi-regular basis (mainly family)

wer3987 , pexels Report

Final score:

112points

POST

Tofu 2 years ago

In new romantic relationships, I tend to overshare the "negative" stuff about myself early on. Like stated above, I do it to warn the other person and make sure they can handle me. It's like a test. I hope I'm not an a$$hole.

31points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I just don't care about most things and that apathy has done a lot of harm to myself and others

SwixSwax , unsplash Report

Final score:

103points

POST

Lainie 2 years ago

This is depression... Unfortunately, I've seen it first hand. Maybe it's also paired with something else.

15points

Deborah Cooper 2 years ago

it's also a sign of neurodiverse behaviour which can lead to depression.

2points

Bobby 2 years ago

I'm at the point where I have things I care very passionately about, but everything else is just meh. Like no middle ground anymore. I'm either passionate about something, or I don't care.

1point

phil blanque 2 years ago

So many of us grew up with a Disney view of the world....pure fantasy. But we still have to reconcile with the real world, which is far more harsh. It is OK to see this and the world more accurately. But it sounds as if you need more support. Please seek counseling.

0points

Daniel Ikelman 2 years ago

Yep...exactly this

0points

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago

..depression? maybe? maybe not? idk mate, i'm not trained....yet.

0points

Gio Walls 2 years ago

Again... could steam from childhood... therapy

-2points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I can’t let go of things and I take things way too personally. I rationalize it like this “I wouldn’t dream of saying or doing something like that to this person, so why are they doing it to me?”.

Also, I procrastinate like no other. Seriously, you could give me a year, or 2 days to do something. Wouldn’t make a difference.

PicturesqueCow , unsplash Report

Final score:

99points

POST

lazyNinjaCat 2 years ago

It would just be done in the last two hours regardless...

16points

I'm bad at keeping in touch with people I care about. The phrase out of sight out of mind is really true for me. I tend to just be absorbed by what's right in front of me. It's very rare that I would have a thought like I wonder how my sister is doing or I wonder how such-and-such friend is doing after xyz event or even I wonder how my girlfriends day is going. I care about these people obviously, but they also don't seem to naturally occur to me in my daily thoughts. This unfortunately leaves it up to everyone else to reach out to me, to hang, to make the invitation, to chat, etc. I'm always super stoked when they do, but I regret putting that on them. I'm fortunate that they do all make the effort. I am a good friend... like with anything else I do, when I'm with someone I'm very much absorbed in that interaction, so that I think helps put away any doubts about my interest in the relationship.

Another aspect of it is that I always imagine that everyone else has something going on. I don't want to interrupt or put any pressure of having to accept an invitation on them. I don't know what it's like to be bored at home wishing there was something fun to go out and do.... if I have free time like that I relish in it as a chance to play some video games or watch a movie. I'm a total home body. I have no problem filling my days with productive things/recreation/sports that I enjoy doing on my own. Maybe I lived alone too long and got too good at it.

Bottom line I am trying to better at being the one to reach out. Because I know deep down that it feels good to hear spontaneously from your friends and loved ones, and I want them to feel good.

Mozambique_Sauce Report

Final score:

80points

POST

Cordelia Carstairs 2 years ago

i relate so much! I just have a hard time believing that people might actually enjoy my company so I leave it to them to reach out. In my head (though it may be irrational) everyone finds me annoying if I speak without being spoken to, so to speak. I'm trying to stop, but it's not easy.

38points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I’m rude to my parents. I had a kind of a rough upbringing but they are more or less nice to me now, but sometimes I just get annoyed at them for no reason. I tried to be nicer to them for years but sometimes I just can’t. I wonder if other people can relate.

Recyclebich , unsplash Report

Final score:

65points

POST

Mazer 2 years ago

Ask yourself why you are being rude in the moment, if you can sort out the why and communicate that, you may be better overall as a result

18points

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I am extremely self deprecating. I don't even let others say nice things about me when I myself won't, going so far as to even try and explain why someone's wrong whenever they try to compliment me about something, I just refute it.

J_train13 , pexels Report

Final score:

60points

POST

Rahul Pawa 2 years ago

Yes! Whenever someone compliments me, I react by basically telling them why they're wrong. (Example: "good job on that project!" "Thanks, here's a list of things wrong with that project.") I'm trying to stop. It's so reflexive, not doing it takes effort.

10points

#10

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I´m way too sarcastic. I do it with friends, family, at work, basically all the time.

Most times the joke lands well and it´s recieved with a laugh. But sometimes I f*cked up.

Not sure why I do it. Maybe I use humor as a defense mechanism like Chandler.

pupsteppenwolf , pexels Report

Final score:

55points

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Caro Caro 2 years ago

Sarcasm is a form of being funny when insecure. At least, that's what I read once and I found that to be true most of the time. I find sarcasm funny sometimes but it can also be very nasty and hurtful.

13points

#11

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait Most of the time when I ask people for their opinions, I don’t actually want to hear 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 opinion. Instead I want to hear my opinion come out of their mouth. I’m always hoping that they will have the same opinion as me because it makes me feel validated. I don’t actually care about what they really think.

Vinny_Lam , unsplash Report

Final score:

54points

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Rachknits 2 years ago

That's honest

39points

#12

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I’ve had a best friend ghost me, so I can be really, really clingy now. Unsurprisingly, this encourages more people to ghost. I’m trying to nip it in the bud.

Ken, if you’re reading this, get bent.

BeardedGDillahunt , pexels Report

Final score:

52points

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Serial pacifist 2 years ago

Yeah Ken, buzz off.

31points

#13

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I overanalyze every single conversation I have with one specific person.

nowthenight , pexels Report

Final score:

51points

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Tofu 2 years ago (edited)

Guilty. 🙋 And not just with one specific person.

17points

#14

After a fight I need time to cool off. I don't particularly like conflict. I feel like if I were to say everything I honestly thought in a fight, I would be incredibly hurtful, and so, distancing myself is a necessary step in repairing things, so I'm level headed enough to fix what needs fixing later. Not everything you think needs to be said, you should be selective imo.

Every partner I've had gets frustrated that I won't speak to them for a bit, even if I explicitly say that I need time to cool off.

honestgoing Report

Final score:

47points

POST

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago

i think that's shame on them, not on you. i do the same thing (in general, not just with partners and stuff. and people for me have been fine with it, it's normal.)

19points

#15

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I'm a people pleaser. Saying no isn't hard and it isnt something you should overlook as an option

ow-my-virginity , unsplash Report

Final score:

45points

POST

Tofu 2 years ago

"No." is a complete sentence.

23points

#16

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I have impossibly high standards for myself and I tend to place this on others as well. Then I get pissy/grouchy when people fail me. Deep down it is a self protection mechanism, having been let down by so many people, it is just easier to assume and expect the worst, that even the best of those I love will let me down.

Canadabigjack , unsplash Report

Final score:

40points

POST

Tofu 2 years ago (edited)

Or you've been let down so many times that you end up lowering your standards in the hopes of not being disappointed. But you still end up disappointed. 😔

9points

#17

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I’m a complainer.

damnitbecky91 , pexels Report

Final score:

40points

POST

Manton 2 years ago

I'm a fixer, when I hear a complaint from someone it's like a call to action reflex and I immediately go into, 'how do we fix the problem?' mode. What I have had to learn over time is that some people are so comfortable with complaining that fixing problems is a threat to their sense of self, like challenging their identity. I've had to reel it in, some people just want to vent, so I let them vent.

19points

#18

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I shut down rather than address my emotions and when others emote, I address them with logic. I'm basically a Vulcan.

ironwheatiez , unsplash Report

Final score:

39points

POST

DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago (edited)

Same dude/dudette....same.

9points

#19

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I’m not good at hiding my emotions. Specifically, if I’m in a bad mood, everyone knows it. I used to be an absolute nightmare when I was younger because of it; I’d turn my bad mood into everyone’s bad mood. I don’t do that anymore, but I’m still not good at hiding it.

Ryoukugan , unsplash Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Brandy Reed 2 years ago

Why do you have to hide how you feel? You don’t necessarily need to make everyone else feel the way you do. But your feelings are YOURS. Own them. In a healthy way.

8points

#20

Admitting this to myself took a while, but I think I might be insecure and unsure of who I am to the point that I feel I need to entirely change my persona depending on who I'm with. Like I will be anyone you want me to be, as long as you accept me and like me. I'm so scared that people around me will leave that I've settled on mirroring other peoples behaviours and personalities so that they feel more comfortable and will stay. Who I am as a person depends entirely on who I'm around at that time because this feeds my need for social acceptance. So...basically a people pleaser to the extreme.

aritzia17 Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Cordelia Carstairs 2 years ago

same!!! I think of myself as a kind of chameleon. I'm so different in front of different people that they would have a hard time describing me to one another if they ever met. I guess it is a defence mechanism of a sort because I don't deal well with being disliked or judged. I'm trying to stop, but I'm really not sure how.

8points

#21

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I procrastinate to a concerning degree as well. I'm starting to think it's because whatever line of work I got myself into is something I hate so so much, and that's why it's so dreadful to start any project, because like, I have no problem being productive when it comes to my hobbies, it's just school/work/chores that I procrastinate on.

Blngsessi , unsplash Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Vorknkx 2 years ago

Procrastination isn't all bad - it helps me manage workplace stress ;)

2points

#22

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I talk about myself way too much and don't ask about the other person nearly enough.

Probably not my most toxic trait but definitely the one that's giving me issues at the moment.

Stage-Fine , unsplash Report

Final score:

32points

POST

DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago

As an introvert sometimes I don't mind when people do this....I don't mind listening and learning about them. You can maybe try that if you mention a personal trait ask if they have it too and see what they say.

12points

#23

I'm very impatient with people and I tend to be very blunt. Sometimes in a rude way but I see that as justified. There's a lot of sh*t society sees as normal or somewhat normal and I'm just sick of it. I don't want to be nice anymore and I don't want to be patient. I just want it to stop. I'm very direct about it and usually I don't care if I'm not being nice.

LoveAndDynamite Report

Final score:

30points

POST

El Dee 2 years ago

People often say that they are 'just being honest' when they are 'just being rude' OP admits they aren't nice and that they are impatient - at least they understand what they are..

20points

#24

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I hold grudges basically forever and I hate it. To put things in perspective with a little example, a childhood friend one time did something mean to me when we were 7. We kept talking after that, but whenever we did I would remember that day with ridiculous detail like it was etched with a laser on my brain. I finally let go of that grudge one day when we were casually remembering childhood moments and she remembered that day and apologized. About 20 years later.

Waffleline , unsplash Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Rachknits 2 years ago (edited)

Yeah, I can do this but I try to remember that I'm letting them live in my head rent free which can help with letting it go. They're quite happy getting along with their life, why should I let it affect mine? Resentments are like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person

13points

#25

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I'm very firm and stubborn at times about how I view the world in general. I like to call myself a realist, but I also understand that's exactly what a pessimist says.

PleaseTreadOnMeDaddy , pexels Report

Final score:

30points

POST

MarmotArchivist 2 years ago (edited)

I'd call myself a realist. I used to be way more negative, because it's easier than beeing positive. I now make an effort to have a more positive view and I think it's worth it. But if my level of slightly optimistic-realistic is still viewed as pessimisitc, so be it. What I still can't stand are overly optimistic people.

7points

#26

I've begun categorizing things into 'you problems' and 'me problems.' I can control my actions and reactions, and that's it. I can't control anything else. If someone is being an a**hole and upsets me, then that's a them problem and they need to work on that part of themselves. If they're acting with good intentions and it's an accident, then it's a me problem if I hold that against them. Lifting the responsibility off of myself for the actions of others and only establishing accountability for myself really has reduced my stress and guilt.

shiguywhy Report

Final score:

29points

POST

lenka 2 years ago

How is this toxic? Sounds healthy to me...

22points

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#27

I have a hard time accepting other people's limitations when it comes to mental health because I was never able to 'indulge' my own. I can't stop the heavy resentment and judgment I feel toward my roommates and friends when they hit the limits of what they can do. When there's a pile of dishes in the sink that my roommate hasn't gotten to because she doesn't have the energy, I get frustrated rather than sympathetic. When my friend talks about how paralyzed they are with phone anxiety I judge them for not getting over it and making the call even though I feel the same.

I've had severe depression and anxiety since I was 13 and suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder since college. I was the only child of a single mother and she didn't have time to be sympathetic. I learned to push through and function at all costs to myself. Laying in bed or not performing as expected wasn't an option I was given. Doing anything to ease my own pain wasn't on the table.

That mentality and the way I grew up fundamentally damaged me. The BPD is a direct result of that. Learning to be easy on myself and accept my own limitations, as well as those of others, is something I work on in therapy a lot. I just can't shift my mindset from the way I was raised into a more human approach to myself and others, and it turns me into a massive as*hole in moments where I should be my most understanding.

fraxiiinus Report

Final score:

28points

POST

tmw 2 years ago

mental health is not something you can 'indulge'. it takes over whether or not you want it to and most cannot 'push through' it.

7points

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#28

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait Internalized homophobia. I went from refusing to believe I was gay to not wanting anyone else to know to still not really wanting people to know and not wanting to be “that gay.” Some gays got bullied or at least ridiculed and I made sure that wasn’t me.

AnswerGuy301 , pexels Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Vorknkx 2 years ago

In some parts of the world, this is necessary for survival, sadly. You either hide who you really are, or risk really nasty consequences.

16points

#29

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I can hold a grudge a long time

[deleted] , pexels Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Grudges and resentments are the same, and resentment can be terribly unhealthy. Someone told me that hanging on to resentment is like drinking poison in order to try and kill the other person.

3points

#30

I ghost people without reason. If I don’t feel to keep in touch with some people (not bc they’re bad or some sort), I won’t bother to reply their chat at least for a week (or longer if the chat went drowned) unless if it’s very important/urgent.

raedxnasojot Report

Final score:

20points

POST

oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago

not ghosting, just in general, but I don't start conversations without reason. i despise small talk. i am perfectly fine with just sitting in silence if there's not something we want to talk about.

5points

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#31

I over talk a ton. I wish I didn’t, I love making people feel comfortable. But mixing that with ADHD let’s me ramble to much. I end up just forgetting to listen sometimes. I’m working on it though

InvaderSquibs Report

Final score:

12points

POST

DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago

I ramble a lot when someone seems interested in talking but then I overthink because I feel like I'm talking too much and annoying them so I stop.

2points

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#32

I will lie to people to keep them happy

sunbearimon Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Caro Caro 2 years ago

Even to yourself?

3points

#33

I play devils advocate for everything. I can never just agree with what someone says and I always HAVE to challenge it.

Dankteriyaki Report

Final score:

12points

POST

BigFish Artwire 2 years ago

I have a friend like this, and once I told s couple of friends from our group to play a drinking game with that. Her phrase is "not necessarily", so we drank every time she said it that night

7points

#34

I can be a bit of a Karen when I have to wait in line IRL. I don't demand to speak to a manager or anything like that. I just get visibly annoyed when people in front of me are being slow and/or annoying, like an old lady who doesn't know how credit card machines work, or someone ordering a full course dinner at McDonald's when I just want a burger.

ral365 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Chucky Cheezburger 2 years ago

I think just about everyone feels like this. How they handle it is what makes the difference. The worst for me is being stuck in traffic. Outwardly, I go with the flow untill I get through it, but in my head, I'm think whoever caused this mess needs to be whipped with a razor tipped flail.

7points

#35

I sometimes tend to be a sore loser

ScoutTrooper501st Report

Final score:

11points

POST

BusLady 2 years ago

Donald Trump Disorder? Sorry, I couldn't resist. Don't block me BP.

2points

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#36

I play victim, so I have to remind myself to take responsibility and not always think everyone else is at fault. The hardest thing is getting over my pride and admitting it when I fall into the victim mindset.

Clafoutie Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Daria Z 2 years ago

I have a close friend who is like that. He's always on guard, ready to protect himself from any adversaries or threats, even when they are but figments of his imagination.

3points

#37

Due to military service I'm desensitized to death and violence. So whenever people die wether it be friends or family I'm cold and clinical about it

Huge_Attempt605 Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Hilary Rudd 2 years ago

I have worked in hospices hospitals and care homes for over 40 years and thought it's nothing like a war zone I get where your coming from

4points

#38

I am definitely guilty of fishing for compliments on occasion

LawlessNeutral Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Brandy Reed 2 years ago

I compliment you on your honesty. Everybody needs a boost every now and then!

4points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

#39

30 People Honestly Share What Is Their Most Toxic Trait I gaslight without realizing it. I do my best to recognize and correct it, but I do gaslight. And I'm good at it. Not something I'm proud of.

ChadTheTranquil1 , pexels Report

Final score:

9points

POST

E B 2 years ago

There were a number of very toxic people in my family who taught me to be very good at hurting others. I'm certain they were in pain, and lashing out, because they were also abused. It's been hard to change, but I realized, when I was happy that my grandmother died, that maybe I should take her as an example of what not to do, because I don't want people to be happy when I'm dead.

2points

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#40

I’m gossipy, mostly disloyal unless I really like you, which it’s not like I’m around people and intend to be like that, it’s just sometimes I do it for my own benefit and then I also switch between having a God Complex to feeling completely low and horrible about myself.

Cheetah_rawr Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago

my hufflepuff heart...you've broken it... (yk the strong value for loyalty)

1point

#41

My ego is absolutely humungous.

ZebraPopcorn94 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#42

Trying to always assert my way in helping people. Sometimes I realise that if people aren't willing to help themselves, I shouldn't enforce my way onto them and instead look for newer and better ways

kaguragamer Report

Final score:

7points

POST

#43

I have high levels of empathy but almost no sympathy to go with it.

This makes me very good at getting to people. I can almost always make a person do what I want or think what I want them to think, I know just how to act to get on a persons good side and I can lie pretty well. I know it’s wrong but I don’t care because, well, look at the first sentence. I don’t ever do it just to hurt people though, I’m not sadistic.

fastest_narutorunner Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Thomas Price 2 years ago

Just a manipulator

3points

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#44

I’m hyper competitive and low key manipulative (meaning I do it without thinking). I exert a lot of energy to overcome these traits on the daily.

itsjawknee Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#45

Yeah recently I realized that I do something or act some way that makes people look after me like I'm their child or little brother. I don't mean to but I think it's a safety net for me and I manipulate it into people.

INeed-M-O-N-E-Y Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago

yoo same, i constantly feel like im manipulating people into protecting me and loving me cause in the past i took advantage of people to get what i want but i was like 7 lmao and i'm still scared it's gonna happen again.

3points

#46

Infidelity. Many times. As far as the reasoning behind it... my therapist and I are still working on that. So far it has come down to a defense mechanism from being sexually assaulted more than once. They can’t take it if you just give it.

unbalancedconscience Report

Final score:

5points

POST

John Brant 2 years ago

Or you could just own the fact that you hurt people with your actions and not seek validation for your failings through a therapist.

3points

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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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What do you think ?

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago

I am very reactive and have anger issues.

10points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

You??? I haven't noticed the anger issues. Your posts are always so kind.

8points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Foxy I agree with caro caro. You're always so kind and very empathetic.

7points

Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago

I think you're really cool and I like reading your posts. If they ever seem a little "touchy" I don't notice, because I'm pretty much agreeing with you.

3points

RafCo 2 years ago

I have the same issue. My therapist taught me a good trick though. Before going into any new situation, just imagine the likely interactions, and the ones most likely to frustrate you. That way you're already good and pissed before you start. Seriously though, it does give you time to calm down and get over it. It works with my kids when I need them to do... Anything really.

2points

Rahul Pawa 2 years ago

I relate to at least 80% of this list. If I were to add my own, I would say that I can't handle difficult emotions (fear, anger, sadness) so I habitually numb them with addictive behaviors. Also, it's hard for me to feel happy. Like it doesn't happen often, and if it does it goes away as soon as I think about it.

8points

BusLady 2 years ago

I also have problems dealing with those emotions. I deal with it by suppressing them and holding them inside. Any wonder that I have depression? As for addictive behavior the only one I have now is over eating. My weight is a challenge. I feel bad that it's hard for you to feel happy. Everyone deserves to feel happy.

1point

Lauren Kent 2 years ago

I'm really impressed with how self-aware people are. I think awareness is the first step in making positive changes. I sincerely wish for everyone that they get to where they want to be in themselves

8points

BusLady 2 years ago

I agree. I imagine there are many people who can't recognize such traits in their personalities.

3points

Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago

I liked reading these. I know I'm very opinionated as a person and that's off putting to some, I don't think I'm always right though, I like to twist and turn to see different points of view. I find it very interesting and I can change my mind. But yeah, I know guys that I dated especially would consider that a flaw. I'm also an alcoholic, mostly sober for months and years but yes sometimes I f**k up. I know people get hurt by that and I'm sorry. I honestly don't want to hurt anyone, it's my (destructive) way of processing traumas. I have other coping strategies now that I've learned in treatment, they work most of the time but sometimes I slip up. It's constant work even while sober. I wish people would know that it's not that I want to mess up and I don't do it to hurt anyone.

5points

BusLady 2 years ago

Bless you, Veronica. My youngest son has struggled with alcoholism for many years and it breaks my heart. I know how you feel. He has never meant to hurt anyone. I wish you the best in your treatment. Don't give up hope.

2points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

Oh, my insecurity is totally my toxicity. As a kid, I was forbidden to tell the truth or show emotion. So I suck at reacting to certain things, and need to chill the f*ck out. I know it, I dislike it, and I'm trying my best. For thirty years. And another thirty, if I live that long. Work in progress, that's me.

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

I'm of the mind that knowing the issue is half the battle. That's what I tell myself anyway. 🙂

2points

Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago (edited)

I feel like I might be narcissistic but don’t go asking around for reasons i myself don’t know. I feel betrayed if someone comes to me if they want something if they haven’t spoken to me in a while. I also don’t know when to crack jokes and I want to tell people about everything I did or happened to me

3points

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)

for #34 see, i sort of relate to this, but like (WARNING: cheesiness ahead)...i care. i do care. deep down i really do. i feel and i care and i love. but for the life of me, i just. CANNOT. bring myself the motivation to do s**t about it. mostly i end up laying in bed, feeling complete indifference/apathy yet at the same time not being able to escape the fact that inside, i care so deeply. I want to get on with my life but time isn't in my favor and I just want it to stop. I'm not going to talk about the specifics of the mental stuff i have been diagnosed with (by a professional, not any of that "I took this internet quiz and this is what i got" bs lol.) but uhhhh yeah, anyone else who's like this?

3points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Micah yes I've been dealing w these same feelings too. I've been diagnosed w depression. You're not alone. Therapy is helping me but it's tough getting the motivation to work on myself even. Therapy is exhausting too. I think many of us are feeling this way bc of the pandemic and of course so many other factors. Nothing brings me joy like it used to even though I miss everything so much especially who I used to be. I hope you have a loving support system. Hugs to you

5points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

I think this is depression? I'm struggling at the moment to get things done. I have so much to do and most of it is sh!tty stuff (my husband passed away last month) and making phone calls and having to explain my so's death, change names on bills, taxes, all that kind of crap. I try to do one shite thing a day but jezus it's hard. I just couldn't yesterday but I already did the shite thing this morning and now I feel relieved somehow. Phew. Mica, if you want to talk I'm here for you.

3points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Caro caro I'm so sorry. My mom passed away last year in the only child. Taking care of everything and my stepdad put me in a depression too. My heart goes out to you and mica

2points

Lightningstar 2 years ago

are you me? minus the professional diagnosis part

0points

Brenda 2 years ago

I am definitely a people pleaser in the extreme. Even my kids say I'm too nice. It means I get taken advantage of sometimes. I get pissy when people try to give me advice about my medical issues and sometimes go off on them. I've had these chronic conditions for years:I've tried it all and it won't ever get better! I get tired of explaining even though I know they are trying to help.

2points

Dr. M. 2 years ago

When fighting with my bf I become very evil, insult him and throw things. I think because at home we never were allowed to argue cause mum was always right and if we dared to argue she'd give us the silent treatment and ignore us (this gave me immense physical pain) until we apologised to her (sometimes on our knees). Even though we were right and she's not.

2points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

I get super touchy if I think someone's talking down to me or otherwise treating me like I'm stupid or ignorant. So I put up a grumpy, cynical facade as a defense mechanism for fear that someone's going to find me vulnerable enough to bully as mercilessly as I was during childhood. (Which I spent a good chunk of - that's right - being made to feel stupid. It's pretty easy to connect the dots. It's also no doubt the source of my anger issues later in life).

2points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

I was rigorously "trained" as a kid and my resulting insecurities still haunt me. You're not alone in that.

1point

Daria Z 2 years ago

I have trouble with keeping my opinion to myself. But overall I'm somewhat disturbed by how many of the listed traits I can see in myself 🙈

2points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

Don't be disturbed. We all have a little of most of this. I think it becomes a problem when it has a toxic influence in your life (or loved ones). You're absolutely lovely.

4points

g90814 2 years ago

Sounds like a lot of regular people with normal issues that everyone has to some extent.

1point

Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago

I can ruminate a small annoyance into a major issue and so with that I end up being angry at stuff I just made up by ruminating. Then I'm in one very bad mood. When I know I'm doing that I have to shut myself off from the world or I'll make a major mess up because I'll tell you exactly what I think. I can be very blunt. Also, I "don't suffer fools gladly" as they say. I'm normally a quiet person, but with covid isolation for 2 years, when I've got someone around, now I just don't shut up. Ya. I have issues. 😆 I've been at this so long I have developed a sense of humor about it.

1point

Caro Caro 2 years ago

So it starts small (molehill) and you ruminate until it's a mountain? And then you sort of explode? Does this mean you overthink things? Sorry. I'm just being a nosy parker.

0points

Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago

I never forget, and I almost never forgive. I may drop the issue and it might not seem to intrude on my daily interactions with that person, but once they cross a certain line, they no longer get access to my deeper emotions, because once I'm screwed over by them, that's it. I don't trust easily and I don't trust twice after abused once. I realize it isn't healthy (I realize way too much about myself that is negative, even if I hide it), but it became a survival mechanism as I grew up. Unlearning it usually isn't worth the so-called 'release' that is supposed to happen. There have been times I've truly forgiven and felt much better for it, but these are few and far between; usually because someone moved on from a different point in their life as well and it showed in how they became later on. And, to be honest, lest I come across as that hopeless person: The "don't forgive/forget" clause is rare; I can shrug off most of the daily grind without issue. These are deeper matters.

1point

Robert Thompson 2 years ago

I am narcissistic on the outside and incredibly insecure on the inside.

1point

Unnamed Hooman 2 years ago

I correct people too much.

1point

Captain Awesome 2 years ago

I feel like I can relate to most of these.

1point

Joybug 2 years ago

I think this whole post shouldn't be called toxic. Some of these traits are more about how other people react to them.

1point

Kate Jones 2 years ago

I was bullied when I was younger really bad, an so I became a people watcher for a long time. And now I have this weird thing where I see everything like an old David Attenborough Animal Planet narration but with people. I can't watch people flirt or date or watch them with that pretend smile at work. Any time a guy has ever flirted with me I always roll my eyes a little because I just assume he's lying or trying to con me. I find myself narrating it like I'm watching stupid animals relating to each other and dancing around with their feathers out. It's really affected my life in the way I interact with people because I never feel like anyone is genuine about anything. I tend to be rude to people sometimes because I just get tired of always assuming they aren't being honest. I always say I'm putting on my 'person suit' when I go to work every day. Sometimes I think it's not that bad and everyone feels this way on some level, but then I realize, no, it's not like this for most people.

1point

Caro Caro 2 years ago

Do you mean deflection?

0points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

I get angry super easily and sometimes I can't get too angry. I'm also just overall way too sensitive. Every single word or action goes straight to my heart instead of going through my brain and being processed. Then I tend to react badly cause of it.

1point

JustAnother Soul 2 years ago

I tend towards laziness and procrastination. It’s a bad habit.

1point

Tamara 2 years ago

Oh my, more than half of these aply to me!

1point

lazyNinjaCat 2 years ago

That awkward moment when you realise you share majority of these toxic traits to some extent

1point

Cordelia Carstairs 2 years ago

I really liked this post. It's really encouraging to see that people can identify their flaws and actively work to fix them. It's something I try to do too, and it gives me hope that there are people who care about hurting others.

1point

Susie Elle 2 years ago

For me, aside from some of the things I commented on, my toxic trait is definitely me being super expressive. You can read me like an open book and I find it very hard to hide my feelings. If I'm happy I let the world know, if I'm unhappy I hide away and both are equally noticable for people around me. I'm extroverted so I feel like my 'energy', if you will, takes up too much space in a room. I can be loud, I talk fast when I'm excited and you could fill a room with my opinions and interests. I consciously try to not bulldoze over others, which is never my intention to begin with but I feel that sometimes does happen. I just feel like I'm 'too much', and even if I try to shake that feeling and just be myself, afterwards I doubt whether I was too much or not.

1point

Peter Ng 2 years ago

I really liked this list; too bad I see a lot of these traits in my friends. :'( I have a friend who must state that he/she is right and it goes like this: Me: Hey, I thought xyz? (I've made a mistake, my fault) Friend: No, ABC. Me: oh, ic. I just thought xyz because [reason]. (I've acknowledged mistake and tried to explain my side) Friend: No, ABC. Me: I know. I just thought XYZ because [reason]. (I tried to explain again because it doesn't seem like friend understood my side. ) Friend, No, ABC. This can go on and on and it completely devastated our friendship early on because it felt like friend was not listening, didn't care, demeaning, and had to have last word. Very toxic. I recognized this behavior in friend and I intentionally stop this back and forth by not explaining my reason for making mistake but it is still sad because I don't get to explain my side to a friend. If I accidentally explain why I made the mistake, I anticipate the response and friend always delivers :(

0points

A Jones 2 years ago

I never liked talking about my feelings, kind of always afraid of being made fun of, told to adjust, encounter an emotional gatekeeper (ex. they would say "ppl have it worse than you"), or brushed off like nothing. I never really talk about them tbh, I don't think I know how though. I have used comedy and art as my outlet. The root of the issue is from a young childhood.

0points

Béla Kun 2 years ago

I think I might have a bigger mental problem than I first thought, because I have like 80% of these traits

0points

Blackadams 2 years ago

The fact that ive learnt to suppress my emotions,especially anger is scary,makes me feel like a ticking time bomb

0points

Emmett O'Brian 2 years ago (edited)

I can be bull headed. I even know I'm being unnecessarily stubborn, not want to be stubborn, but for some reason not let it go. When I do manage to break that behavior, I worry that no one will pay attention if I'm not insistent.

0points

RafCo 2 years ago

I'd say my most toxic trait is my fatalism and nihilism. Two, two most toxic traits. Definitely fatalism, nihilism, and my fanatical devotion to the Pope.

0points

NAVYA PRASAD 2 years ago

I'm a literal mirror and will talk in the same was as you talk to me when frustrated if you are shouting I will shout too . It Gaslights the situation more

0points

Toko Danganronpa 2 years ago

I think I have a personality disorder. I'm scared: because it makes me react in dangerous ways: through anger, sadness, manipulation, and more. If people could see my thoughts they would never talk to me. I lose friends because of it and I haven't been able to tell anybody other than my best friend...who I'm secretly in love with.

0points

El Dee 2 years ago

I don't think I'm perfect at all, far from it, but some of those posting actually worry me and I wouldn't like to meet them IRL..

0points

Krysta Pandoo 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

They sound simply human to me.

1point

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago

I am very reactive and have anger issues.

10points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

You??? I haven't noticed the anger issues. Your posts are always so kind.

8points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Foxy I agree with caro caro. You're always so kind and very empathetic.

7points

Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago

I think you're really cool and I like reading your posts. If they ever seem a little "touchy" I don't notice, because I'm pretty much agreeing with you.

3points

RafCo 2 years ago

2points

Rahul Pawa 2 years ago

8points

BusLady 2 years ago

1point

Lauren Kent 2 years ago

I'm really impressed with how self-aware people are. I think awareness is the first step in making positive changes. I sincerely wish for everyone that they get to where they want to be in themselves

8points

BusLady 2 years ago

I agree. I imagine there are many people who can't recognize such traits in their personalities.

3points

Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago

5points

BusLady 2 years ago

2points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

I'm of the mind that knowing the issue is half the battle. That's what I tell myself anyway. 🙂

2points

Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago (edited)

3points

Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)

3points

K Witmer 2 years ago

5points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

3points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Caro caro I'm so sorry. My mom passed away last year in the only child. Taking care of everything and my stepdad put me in a depression too. My heart goes out to you and mica

2points

Lightningstar 2 years ago

are you me? minus the professional diagnosis part

0points

Brenda 2 years ago

2points

Dr. M. 2 years ago

2points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

2points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

I was rigorously "trained" as a kid and my resulting insecurities still haunt me. You're not alone in that.

1point

Daria Z 2 years ago

I have trouble with keeping my opinion to myself. But overall I'm somewhat disturbed by how many of the listed traits I can see in myself 🙈

2points

Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)

Don't be disturbed. We all have a little of most of this. I think it becomes a problem when it has a toxic influence in your life (or loved ones). You're absolutely lovely.

4points

g90814 2 years ago

Sounds like a lot of regular people with normal issues that everyone has to some extent.

1point

Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago

1point

Caro Caro 2 years ago

So it starts small (molehill) and you ruminate until it's a mountain? And then you sort of explode? Does this mean you overthink things? Sorry. I'm just being a nosy parker.

0points

Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago

1point

Robert Thompson 2 years ago

I am narcissistic on the outside and incredibly insecure on the inside.

1point

Unnamed Hooman 2 years ago

I correct people too much.

1point

Captain Awesome 2 years ago

I feel like I can relate to most of these.

1point

Joybug 2 years ago

I think this whole post shouldn't be called toxic. Some of these traits are more about how other people react to them.

1point

Kate Jones 2 years ago

1point

Caro Caro 2 years ago

Do you mean deflection?

0points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

1point

JustAnother Soul 2 years ago

I tend towards laziness and procrastination. It’s a bad habit.

1point

Tamara 2 years ago

Oh my, more than half of these aply to me!

1point

lazyNinjaCat 2 years ago

That awkward moment when you realise you share majority of these toxic traits to some extent

1point

Cordelia Carstairs 2 years ago

1point

Susie Elle 2 years ago

1point

Peter Ng 2 years ago

0points

A Jones 2 years ago

0points

Béla Kun 2 years ago

I think I might have a bigger mental problem than I first thought, because I have like 80% of these traits

0points

Blackadams 2 years ago

The fact that ive learnt to suppress my emotions,especially anger is scary,makes me feel like a ticking time bomb

0points

Emmett O'Brian 2 years ago (edited)

0points

RafCo 2 years ago

I'd say my most toxic trait is my fatalism and nihilism. Two, two most toxic traits. Definitely fatalism, nihilism, and my fanatical devotion to the Pope.

0points

NAVYA PRASAD 2 years ago

I'm a literal mirror and will talk in the same was as you talk to me when frustrated if you are shouting I will shout too . It Gaslights the situation more

0points

Toko Danganronpa 2 years ago

0points

El Dee 2 years ago

I don't think I'm perfect at all, far from it, but some of those posting actually worry me and I wouldn't like to meet them IRL..

0points

Krysta Pandoo 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

They sound simply human to me.

1point