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35 Engaged Couples Who Never Made It To The Altar For Wild And Sometimes Heartbreaking Reasons
Interview With Author
Many people feel on cloud nine after expressing their intention to marry each other and this often becomes a starting sign for the wedding preparations to begin, yet it doesn’t always lead to such a resolution.
People shared their stories of the latter experience online, answering one Redditor’s question: “People who were engaged at one point but never got married, what happened?”
On the bright side, this isn’t necessarily an unfortunate occurrence, as some people admitted that despite all the effort, finances, pressure, etc. involved in planning the wedding, breaking off their engagement was their best decision - whether due to incompatibility with their partner, or realization that it wasn’t what they wanted.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Married once, divorced, and engaged 3 other times. I ended the engagements specifically at the points where we sat down to discuss finances. Always split 50/50 as per his request, which I agreed to. The problem is that the men's jaws would hit the ground when I took out the list of household and child rearing chores to also split 50/50. They could not understand that if you want modern-day values of 50/50 on finances, it will not be combined with 1950's gender roles for the home ( with me carrying 100% of the home and child care on top of working full time.).
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#2
I finally left him after he hit the dog. Years of hitting me both physically and emotionally were ignored, but the moment I heard my dog yipe, I smartened up.
#3
He decided to recommit to his faith (he's JW) and tried to get me to convert. I refused. He then tried to tell me I couldn't go out with my friends. I went out and he had a temper tantrum that would put my 3 year old niece to shame. He trashed the house and drove to his parents house 2 states away.
I got all the deposits back that I could. He texted me on what would have been our wedding day to remind me what a mistake I made. I sent him a picture of me and several of my friends that I was told I was not allowed to see having a very fancy sushi dinner with the deposit money.
There might be various external factors that change a couple’s plans of getting married, as seen in the answers; however, breaking off the engagement often is a person’s choice. After a little research, the key aspects of the topic seem to come down to this not being easy, as one might be sure the relationship is over and still be scared of hurting their partner or disappointing family and friends, yet necessary and quite urgent in cases when a person is sure about the partnership not being right for them.
#4
She died due to seizures. 3am: she was home alone. She woke up and got the seizure and unfortunately hit her head against a wall… 7am: she was supposed to show up at her parents house to drop off the dog before work. She didn’t. 9am: her parents went to check on her, dog was fine, but she was unresponsive. 9:30am she was declared deceased in the scene. 10am: I was at work and I got a call from her father… I lost it right there. It was back on 2012 but still I’m not over it yet…
#5
We’re still technically engaged, but we never wanted a wedding. We met way late in life (I’m 50, she’s in her mid 40’s), no kids, and if we get legally married the gov’t f***s with her disability assistance so she is my spouse, my partner, and my soul mate. But we don’t feel the need to get married. But I do have a living will just in case.
We will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary early next year.
#6
He left me six months before the wedding. In his defense he did pass away and one day I will probably be really angry with him for it.
In his article for Psychology Today, Gary W. Lewandowski discussed a recent study that asked 30 participants a similar question about the reasons behind breaking off their engagement. Research participants were individuals who broke off their serious, long-term relationships and the dominant theme was that the impending wedding was a catalyst for thinking more deeply and intentionally about the relationship’s future.
For some, it was thinking about certain behavior of their partner and asking themselves whether this was what they wanted “for the rest of their life”. Others similarly were prompted by the engagement to visualize the future together more vividly and they didn’t like what they saw.
#7
He wasn't participating in the wedding planning at all and I realised he didn't actually want to get married. There was a lot of pressure from his family and admittedly, me as well. I just wanted a family and to be married and hadn't really paid attention to his reluctance up until that point.
It was 3 months before the wedding and I sat down and reviewed our relationship. We were incompatible in several crucial points, even though we loved each other a lot. So I called off the wedding and ended it and while we were both sad, we were also relieved.
This was more than a decade ago and whenever we run into each other we catch up and there are no hard feelings at all. He's married and a father now and I couldn't be happier for him.
#8
The night he proposed he left my house and went straight to his ex’s for a ‘catch up dinner’ but slipped and fell and accidentally f****d her.
#9
It was toxic, and a month before we were supposed to get married I broke my foot at an event I was helping, she was there too but just partying. When I told her I probably broke my foot, she said I shouldn't be a little baby and just walk home since the party was over. I couldn't stand on it. She helped me a couple meters forward and then she just pushed me. That night my mother took me to the hospital, and that night I decided all the lies and mental abuse was enough, and ended it. Best decision of my life. 3 months ago and I'm finally getting back to being me.
Some interviewees draw their attention to various incompatibilities with their partner that won’t go away after getting married and would be problematic going forward, such as abuse, communication issues, or different takes on having kids. Finally, many recognized the role of inertia and sought to find ways to slow the momentum toward marriage.
Bored Panda was curious about what prompted the author to ask people about their experience of getting engaged but never tying the knot. We got in touch with the r/mimi_nivi and she kindly agreed to answer our questions. The woman shared that it was “kind of weird reasoning”, as she was thinking about the man who used to be her boss and that she has been crushing on for a year.
#11
We had like 6 miscarriages.
At the end of the relationship he said something to me like “it’s just so hard… I look at your face and I feel like i SEE nothing but 6 dead babies”
Can’t really come back from that one. I mean some people can. We couldn’t.
Donkey boi 1 year ago
An ex and I broke up after our new born died. She said something similar, 'Every time I look at you, I see our baby girl's lifeless body, and I just can't get past that'. My presence just seemed to make her worse. A "few days" at her mum's turned into months, turned into a letter telling me she's never going to recover so I should carry on with my life without her. Over 20 years have passed, I occasionally bump into her and I can still see that same look in her eyes.
#12
I lost the love of my life because I was too selfish to change my toxic behaviors. I was toxic and controlling, I couldn’t put my selfishness aside for us. It cost me the only person I’ve ever met who understood me. Single handedly my biggest failure in life, things are getting better but I can’t change the past, I can only be the best person I can be today, even if she’s no longer with me.
Queen Joe Jetpack 1 year ago
Congrats to the you for realizing what went wrong and owning up to it. Very brave, many people could learn from you. I wish you all the best for the future!
The man is older and has never been married, but was engaged once. So this prompted the woman to think about why that was the case. She also explained that even though she doesn’t work for him anymore, she could otherwise ask him; however, they are not that close.
We also wished to know whether the author has an answer to this question herself and she shared she hasn’t been engaged but she has known a couple of people who were.
These included her former boss — whose story behind the engagement she doesn’t know — and her old friend. The latter is married now but was once engaged and left at the altar: “She couldn’t marry him and left.”
#13
He cheated before we got married and I found out. I thank the stars every f*****g day I didn’t marry him
#15
Katie and I were in 2nd grade. We were as happy. But then James moved to town. He offered her some of his caipre sun and it was all over for me.
Finally, we asked for the author’s take on whether there might be a bright side to breaking off the engagement, and this is what she had to say: “I think there is. I think going through the heartbreak of ending an engagement is a lot better than ending a marriage in divorce. Divorce is bitter no matter how amicable it is between spouses.”
“You shouldn’t marry someone if you know deep down that it’s not going to work between you two. You shouldn’t marry someone for the wrong reasons. Too many people have done that and they’re either in loveless marriages or they end up divorced. That’s not right for any party involved.”
Do you have such an experience of being engaged and not going through with the wedding? Please, share your thoughts in the comments.
#16
He refused to get a job after 5 years together, and I realized I would be paying for everything on my measly teacher salary. Was able to buy my own condo a month after breaking it off.
#17
I was only 18 and about to head off to college. It dawned on me that he wanted a ring on my finger to ‘mark’ me as his. He was 24 years old. I gave him his ring back. I didn’t marry until I was 36 and am so glad.
Julia Mckinney 1 year ago
I had one of those. I didn't take the proposal seriously (and he was offended that I laughed because he was "willing to take me on, even with all of my faults, so I should have been flattered and said yes immediately") That was a little over 40 years ago. I think he may have wanted US citizenship. My faults? I talked too much (really!), wore too much make-up (hunh?), was too friendly with too many people (I was nice to bus drivers, waitresses etc, well pretty much everyone I was nice to.), thought men and women were equal etc..... I was a kind of repressed, nice, middle-class girl who was a liberal and hadn't even had sex yet! Sheesh!
#18
Fiance died day before Christmas 2009. After that, I just stopped caring about having relationships anymore. I am mostly over it now, but I know I will never be emotionally capable of being with anyone ever again.
I just accept that, for some of us, we are meant to be single, old, smartasses later in life, where we can spoil our friends and families children, and get them jacked up on sugar, before sending them home.
#19
I was going to say “Dave happened” But use the actual name of the chap she cheated in me with. But I cannot. Because I cannot remember his name.
This is a great moment for me.
[immediate update: it was Patrick. Damn it!]
#20
She moved home to Germany to care for her dying mother.
And by dying mother, she meant some oil sheik she met in Dubai.
#21
I realized he wasn’t the right partner for me (he had anger issues and I was naive and young). So once I graduated grad school, I moved out when he was gone for the day and never saw him again. I did it this way because I was afraid of his reaction.
#23
I got sober and recognized some things that helped me realize I didn’t want to marry that person. Still sober and happily married to the love of my life.
#24
The longer we lived together leading up to the wedding, the more he showed his true colors. One day while I was cooking dinner for us he started screaming at me, like an inch from my face and called me a (see you next Tuesday.) Something about it snapped some sense into me. I walked out and never went back.
#25
He left me for a coworker he claimed for over a year was "like a sister" to him. They have a kid now. I have a better boyfriend.
Khall Khall 1 year ago
Unfortunately some people mean "in an incestous" way when they say this...
#26
I had a friend who was engaged. One day, she had a fight with her fiancé and drove from his house mad. On her way home, she ended up in a bad car accident. She tried to call him several times. Wouldn’t pick up. Her family tried. Nothing. Her friends tried. Nothing. HIS friends tried. Nothing. His family tried. Nothing. Dude was quite serious about giving her the silent treatment.
Needless to say, she didn’t think he handled that well and broke it off.
Edit: I should add that after he found out what had happened, he just kind of went “oh ok” instead of apologizing or asking if she was alright. It wasn’t just that he went to bed or something at the wrong time.
#27
I’m married to someone else now, but in 2016 I got engaged and pregnant, in that order. I had a miscarriage and he broke up with me about 5 minutes after I fainted from the blood loss at a family garden party (my family, not his) that he told me to suck it up and go to during it. He started dating my cousin, who he met at the party, about six weeks later. They’re married now.
#28
She came home one day and said I no longer love you. This was 15 days before my birthday. She moves out and come to find out she is developing feelings for her coworker. We meet up for lunch the day or 2 days after my birthday and she tells me all these wild sex experiences she’s having with this coworker of hers. I enter a depressed state for 2 months… but it’s all better now! I’m better now than I ever could have imagined and I’m so thankful to be out of the toxic relationship and free from the heartbreak! Living life and traveling the world and happy all on my own!
#29
The Holy Spirit came to him in a dream and told him that he couldn’t marry me because I wasn’t a virgin.
#32
Got sick and then disabled after 2 brain surgeries. I couldn’t work and wasn’t getting much money from disability. I quickly became a burden according to her. I moved out and then back home with my folks. I had to leave all my friends behind as well as I moved out of state. It was good timing though for me to help my parents as they were old and sick. I became my folks full time caretaker and have no clue what my ex is doing.
I have no ill will towards my ex and understand why we had to part ways.
#33
He wanted children, but I didn’t.
#34
I got engaged after 4 years, mostly just to do something nice (or so I thought) for my mother who was dying of cancer. 8 years later, mother is long dead, still not married, and I finally see the light and decides to walk away from this abusive relationship.
I say "so I thought" because it turns out that my mother knew there was something wrong about the b*tch, didn't like her, but didn't have the heart to tell me because she thought I was happy... And I never told her about the reality of the relationship either.
I heart Boo-BI-es 1 year ago
Mom's usually know what's up, they have the motherly spider sense instinct. Lol
#35
She had been fighting depression and went to stay with her family a little bit before marriage. But she started having horrible fights with her family and had a mental breakdown 2 months before the wedding and said she wasn't able to handle being a wife or in a relationship and ran. To be single and disappear.
What do you think ?
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
I got engaged. Was made redundant shortly after, but despite my best efforts (many interviews, 42 recruitment agencies), couldn't find a job for 18 months (1991-1992, recession time). She was bad with money and couldn't handle me not spending on her, despite her earning well above the national average (almost double). She finally left on the day we were originally scheduled to marry. Got a job 3 months later, have been employed for all but 2 months in the following 31 years, and with my now wife for 24. Bullet dodged.
Hey! 1 year ago
Yes you did dodge a bullet. Expensive gifts are not everything.
Load More Replies...
Jesha 1 year ago
Got engaged. His drinking spiraled out of control and I tried very hard to get him and his family to take it seriously. Finally, he started going to doctors, but he'd ignored his health for so long that he eroded his esophagus and had a blood vessel burst. I wasn't there because a lot of this process involved him being beyond cruel towards me, but I didn't want to give up on him. It had almost started working out. I still feel guilty for not being there, though. His dad had to find him when he went to get him for an appointment.
Dr Robert Neville 1 year ago
Sorry but can I ask a question about the oesophagus erosion if it's not too rude. I'm married to someone who drinks A LOT, technically not an alcoholic as she only drinks in the evenings but recently she's been suffering from a persistent cough. It was diagnosed as stomach acid spraying into her throat so she was prescribed industrial antacids, that solved the heartburn, etc but the cough is still there, does that sound the same? Again, I apologise and I'm sure I'll get abuse but I have to ask.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
I got engaged. Was made redundant shortly after, but despite my best efforts (many interviews, 42 recruitment agencies), couldn't find a job for 18 months (1991-1992, recession time). She was bad with money and couldn't handle me not spending on her, despite her earning well above the national average (almost double). She finally left on the day we were originally scheduled to marry. Got a job 3 months later, have been employed for all but 2 months in the following 31 years, and with my now wife for 24. Bullet dodged.
Hey! 1 year ago
Yes you did dodge a bullet. Expensive gifts are not everything.
Load More Replies... Jesha 1 year ago
Got engaged. His drinking spiraled out of control and I tried very hard to get him and his family to take it seriously. Finally, he started going to doctors, but he'd ignored his health for so long that he eroded his esophagus and had a blood vessel burst. I wasn't there because a lot of this process involved him being beyond cruel towards me, but I didn't want to give up on him. It had almost started working out. I still feel guilty for not being there, though. His dad had to find him when he went to get him for an appointment.
Dr Robert Neville 1 year ago
Sorry but can I ask a question about the oesophagus erosion if it's not too rude. I'm married to someone who drinks A LOT, technically not an alcoholic as she only drinks in the evenings but recently she's been suffering from a persistent cough. It was diagnosed as stomach acid spraying into her throat so she was prescribed industrial antacids, that solved the heartburn, etc but the cough is still there, does that sound the same? Again, I apologise and I'm sure I'll get abuse but I have to ask.
Load More Replies...
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