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BbqManJr , Serena Koi/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them An ex fiancé said I had to get rid of my cat. My cat was semi-feral, but I had brought him back to good health after a bad injury in the wild. I think he had 4 surgeries, including one from when his left armpit had been torn open from hanging on a chain linked fence. I left my ex, and my cat lived an additional 14 years, eating gravy from a can every morning until he died age 18 this February. I have severe mental illness and he would always love bite my leg when I was manic talking and walking in circles, directing me to the couch so he could stick his butt in my face. He was a great friend and saved my life. I don’t regret my decision one bit. Love that sweet old cat.

Final score:

362points

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Mad Dragon 5 months ago

Always choose the cat!

165points

SheiB123 , RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them An ex once told me that I needed to get a lower paying job so I made less than him or we were over as it was "wrong" for me to make more than the man in the relationship. I told him to have the life he deserved.

Final score:

307points

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Simona M. 5 months ago

I would laugh so hard if someone said this to me. People are crazy with their insecurities!

151points

Ok-Charge-6998 , Tony Schnagl/Pexels (Not the actual photo) Report

To learn more about issuing ultimatums in relationships, we reached out to London Celebrity Therapist Nia Williams at Miss Date Doctor. Nia was kind enough to share her thoughts on this topic with Bored Panda, noting that there are a variety of reasons why an ultimatum may be issued. But these reasons are "often rooted in a sense of urgency or desperation about a significant issue," the expert says.

"When a partner feels their emotional or practical needs are persistently unmet, they might issue an ultimatum to emphasize the importance of these needs," Nia shared. "Ongoing conflicts without resolution can [also] lead one partner to feel that an ultimatum is the only way to force change or decision-making."

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them She had a tendency to call me when I was out with my friends and would lose her s**t if I didn’t drop everything and go see her. Eventually, she said “it’s either me or your friends”.

My mate suddenly grabbed my phone, hung up on her and said “there, you’re welcome”. I agreed with their decision. My friends chose me and they’re still my friends over a decade later. I have no regrets.

Final score:

234points

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Alexandra 5 months ago

Never underestimate the importance of (a few) good friends!

77points

Adiantum-Veneris , David Garrison/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I had an ex with whom I broke up in very bad terms. After a few months, started seeing someone else. Then, a mutual friend tipped me she was going through a major mental health crisis, and in a dire need of help. Said friend was herself effectively homeless, and couldn't really do anything. I, on the other hand, was doing okay. Or, at the very least, I had some funds I could use for an emergency.

As hurt as I was - I wasn't going to let her rot in the street. We came up with a plan to get my ex into rehab and psychiatric care. It wasn't cheap, but it was doable. She wouldn't see me, or even know I had anything to do with it. I told my new girlfriend about it, of course. Not just because she needed to know, but also... I was just concerned, stressed, upset, worried and sad. But also, yeah, she needed to know what was up.

My girlfriend was furious, and refused to hear anything about it. She insisted that me helping my ex in any way at all meant I wanted her back. No amount of explaining (No, I don't want her back. The whole point of the plan is that I don't have to interact with her. I just... Don't want her to be in danger, or to suffer) made any difference. Eventually, she gave me an ultimatum: unless I drop the whole thing, she's out.

I sent my ex to rehab. We never spoke. I regret nothing.

Final score:

234points

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Beth Wheeler 5 months ago

Very few people would be willing to do that, shows the kind of person you are and that chick really missed out. But hopefully you have somebody much better than her now.

29points

anotherintelanalyst , Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Came home from overseas and was basically a hermit. She tried for months to let her "get me" a dog. I finally said ok. She got a huge a*s dog. To my surprise, it helped me greatly. Fast forward a year, she doesn't want the dog on furniture, then she didn't want the dog in the bedroom, then she had me take the dog out the front door to walk around to the back (we had a backdoor), then she wanted the dog confined to the laundry room and the final thing she said was "It's either me or the dog" (We had been together for 11 years, married for 8. I said where are the boxes, I'll help you pack. The BEST part, I now live with my girlfriend and it's where that dog came from ;-).

Final score:

204points

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sturmwesen 5 months ago (edited)

Ask me to get rid of my dog and I will carry you out myself

115points

itzpiiz , Chokniti Khongchum/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Commitment issues and behavioral concerns can also lead to ultimatums. "In cases where one partner is hesitant to commit (e.g., moving in together, marriage), the other might use an ultimatum to push for a clear decision," the therapist says. "Issues such as addiction, infidelity, or other harmful behaviors can prompt ultimatums, as these behaviors often need immediate and significant change."

Finally, Nia says feeling stuck can be another culprit. "When one partner feels that the relationship is stagnant or that they're not being heard, an ultimatum might seem like the only way to catalyze change."

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them It was either I blindly accept the baby she was pregnant with was mine, or have her take a dna test and have her leave.

The DNA test confirmed... I was NOT the father.

Final score:

195points

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sturmwesen 5 months ago

Am I the only one hearing it in Maurys voice?

108points

The Doom Song 5 months ago

I read the whole thing as if played out on the Maury show!

15points

Earthquake903 Premium 5 months ago

Nope. I think it's law now..

6points

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 5 months ago

I was thinking Jerry Springer, but yes.

4points

Manny 5 months ago

Nope....I heard it too.

3points

Couragetcd 5 months ago

Along with an added dramatic dun Dun DUN! Music tone that I always added myself anyway.

2points

John Powers 5 months ago

Nope

2points

Sue User 5 months ago

It is sad because at one time he was a respected journalist.

2points

Graham Berry 4 months ago

Jerry Springer for me. Makes me nostalgic for no good reason.

0points

Angie M 5 months ago

Nope!

0points

Nikole 5 months ago

I like how Karamo does it… much classier. He hands them the envelope with the results and says, “This is your truth to open”, and never lets his audience boo. (Yes, I watch daytime TV… I work from home three days a week!)

0points

Debra Robinson 5 months ago

Nope

0points

Sophia Athene 5 months ago

Sadly yes

0points

Jessa Goldstein 5 months ago

I’d say writer intended it to be heard that way!

0points

Hannah Taylor 5 months ago

Nope.

0points

BoredPossum 5 months ago

Pretty obvious with an ultimatum like that.

10points

Donna Peluda 5 months ago

Happened to a guy I know, killed him. He was so distraught when he found out he just folded. He suspected because of the dates, it wasn't just that she had cheated while he was away working, she didn't use protection and tried to baby guilt him to staying. She didn't even try to apologize. They had planed to wait a few year to travel and enjoy life so it was a surprise but he was so happy, then as pregnancy milestones came and went he figured out something was wrong.

6points

kath morgan 5 months ago

Depends if he has a reason not to trust her, like a history of cheating or suspicious timing. If my partner dropped that request out of *nowhere* I’d be deeply insulted.

4points

Lion King baby 5 months ago

I was thinking the same, really depends on the relationship and history.

3points

Sava Hax 5 months ago

Good choice 👍🏻

4points

R.A. Haley 5 months ago

Normally I advise people to avoid saying or doing things that they can't "walk back", but in this case it was absolutely necessary.

3points

Morten Jul Lægaard 5 months ago

Mothers baby, fathers maybe 😄

3points

Ąåřţđęşịɠŋȿ 5 months ago

adios muchaca

1point

KatSaidWhat 5 months ago

Anyone who refuses a DNA test has cheated. (IMO)

1point

CanadianDimes 5 months ago

If you were asked to do a DNA test and hadn’t cheated, that would be devastating. Basically being told your partner doesn’t trust you. I don’t think there’s any coming back from that. So it’s perfectly possible to say no to a DNA test *because* you weren’t cheating.

3points

JP Purves 5 months ago

Literally FAFO.

0points

Fat Harry (Oi / You) 5 months ago

How would HER taking a DNA test confirm HE is not the father?

-1point

FluffyDreg 5 months ago

Are you really that atupid?

0points

Beth Wheeler 5 months ago

Nope

-2points

Breadcrumb. 5 months ago

What, he should raise the child after she obviously cheated?

3points

sakoulas86 , Thgusstavo Santana/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Essentially he told me I could choose between him or what he called my “individuality” - ie if I stayed with him I couldn’t ever disagree with him or have an opinion different than his. By this point (6 months into our relationship) I had figured out he was a controlling, abusive a*****e with Narcissistic Personality Disorder so I broke up with him and ~15 years later I can easily say it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Final score:

193points

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Lyoness 5 months ago

Nuke dodged.

73points

VapoursAndSpleen , Krysten Merriman/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them My ex filed for divorce, and handed me the papers. He was mooching around the house (my dad gently told him to move out later) and whined, “You love that cat more than you love me.” and I said, “Yeah, my cat’s been with me for 13 years and isn’t filing for divorce.” Sheesh.

Final score:

156points

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Papa 5 months ago

So he filed for divorce, but didn't leave?

57points

SomethingWickedTWC , Ruca Souza/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Nia told Bored Panda that issuing an ultimatum is generally not considered a healthy way to resolve relationship issues. "It often places undue pressure on the other partner and can create a dynamic of control rather than mutual understanding and compromise," she explained.

"However, there are scenarios where an ultimatum can lead to positive outcomes if handled with care and clear communication. If both partners are willing to engage in honest dialogue, an ultimatum can sometimes serve as a wake-up call, prompting serious conversations and necessary changes," Nia shared.

But more often than not, ultimatums can lead to resentment, increased tension, and even the end of the relationship, especially if the partner feels coerced or manipulated, the expert added.

#10

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I am and have been involved in community theatre for a very long time. Dated a guy for a year. He thought it took up too much of my life when he wanted us to be doing other things, (get married, have a baby.) So I got the “theatre or me” talk. Chose theatre, no regrets. He wasn’t totally wrong, I get those things were important to him. But I am not going to sacrifice a huge part of my life that fulfills me and makes me happy to do those things for him in his life. It would be a terrible start to a marriage. Where ever he is, hope he found what he was looking for. I’m still happy with the choice.

Final score:

155points

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Manana Man 5 months ago

If you can't support your partner then you shouldn't be partners.

66points

TheExaltedPrime , Keira Burton/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#11

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Posted this story a few times: Ex told me she had cancer. Wanted to know if I was willing to be with her 100%. Found out it was a test. She lied to me, and then I just had to give myself an ultimatum. Leave this beautiful, stunning woman who was richer than me, smarter than me, and be single, or be prepared to be unhappy. I picked to be single. I'm getting married in a few weeks to this beautiful girl I met. She makes my day everyday.

Final score:

147points

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Faramir10 5 months ago

Making a test like that is really dumb. It almost always backfires.

108points

ZAC7071 , Alena Shekhovtcova/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#12

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I gave my ex an ultimatum. she could either be my girlfriend and a mother to her daughter, or she could be her teenage daughters drinking buddy.

I left 5 years ago.

Final score:

135points

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Sava Hax 5 months ago (edited)

That's something my father did right. Even though he was my best friend, he ALWAYS was a father first.

66points

royal_rose_ , Anna Shvets/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

If you're considering issuing your partner an ultimatum, Nia says it's important to first evaluate the situation. "Consider if there are other ways to address the issue. Reflect on your own needs and whether they are being communicated effectively," she noted.

It's also wise to seek professional help. "Couples therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to discuss underlying issues with a neutral third party," the expert says. "If you decide to proceed with an ultimatum, be clear about your needs and the reasons behind them. Ensure it's delivered in a non-threatening manner."

#13

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them We weren’t even dating just friends drifting towards more. I knew our political ideologies didn’t line up exactly but I didn’t realize just how much he hid his thoughts mostly opting to just change the subject. I thought he was just kind of in the middle and focused on what his parents always told him but open to other view points. Nope this man legit told me “you need to change your voter registration and political party” and that “the way I voted in the previous election meant I was a worse than scum and going to hell.” Noped right the f**k out.

Final score:

129points

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Dave In MD 5 months ago

Dating a trumper is a bad idea.

11points

Wetpapernapkins , Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#14

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them She told me to grow with her in her relationship with Jesus christ and the Lord. She now has a child with a man she is not married to. How ironic.

Final score:

124points

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Rizzo 5 months ago

Stone the blasphemous harlot! ;)

67points

DeaconPlayback , John Diez/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#15

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I grew up in a tiny dead-end town in the American South. My high school girlfriend told me she wished I was a bum (her words) who wasn't going to go anywhere because she didn't see herself ever leaving. I was leaving the state to go to college. So it was either her in that dead-end town or a life out in who-knows-where. I couldn't get out of that place fast enough. She's still there three decades later.

Final score:

118points

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Laugh or not 5 months ago

And she may be happy there. Not everyone enjoy the same life.

131points

Disimpaction , Gisele Seidel/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

You must also be prepared for any outcome if you go through with an ultimatum. "Understand that an ultimatum might lead to significant changes, including the potential end of the relationship. Be ready to accept the consequences," Nia warns.

And don't forget to consider alternatives. "Instead of ultimatums, try setting smaller, achievable goals and timelines to work on the issues together," the expert recommends. "Open and ongoing communication is often more effective than a single demand."

#16

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them We had 2 healthy kids. 2nd one almost died in childbirth and it freaked me out. I said I wanted a vasectomy. She said it's a 3rd kid or divorce. I came from a broken family and couldn't leave my kids. We had a 3rd. It was huge and wrecked her pelvic floor and our finances which is what I was afraid of. So now we are broke, but we have 3 beautiful kids I adore. I love my wife, she is an amazing mother but I'll never love her as much as I used to, because now I know I'm expendable.

Final score:

116points

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Russell Tilling 5 months ago

Wow

57points

Limp-Way2167 , Wijs (Wise)/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#17

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I was 17 my grandfather died and left me his 67 Camaro SS. I loved that car 3 years later at 20 my girlfriend said I was spending to much time with the car. It was summer so washing and waxing for us to take it cruising on the weekends.

So she said either I sell the car or I needed to leave. I asked if I had time to pack and she started throwing my stuff out the front door. Almost 20 years later I still have my Camaro my kids love it so maybe I’ll leave it to all of them. Figure they can fight to the death for it.

Final score:

115points

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james stevenson 5 months ago

Right move.

37points

Honest_Milk1925 , Kiran KR/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#18

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them My high school GF and I were together for 3 years. Senior year and 2 years after high school. Well i guess we kind of great complacent in our relationship while going to college and working and she broke up with me. In her words it was basically a game to see if "I truly loved her". We still kind of hung out after that but nowhere near as much. Then I met my current wife of 5 years (together 9). Well when my ex found out she basically told me her plan about breaking up with me and was desperate to get back together officially. Nope I'm good, if it wasn't working before it's not going to magically work now. I found out years later that she had told people I cheated on her. We weren't even on a "break", we were broken up. I'm not one to sit around like a puppy dog waiting to be called a good boy for someone who broke up with me.

Final score:

114points

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Jon Steensen 5 months ago

don't play games... Those "loyalty tests" always seem to backfire, as the real world does not work as you think it does. Tests are basically delibrately hurting people around you, and if you love them, you shouldn't do that to them. What you signal when you test people is that you place your own insecurities over their well-being, and people who do that kind of stuff, does not make for good partners. Life is hard enough as it is, so if you want to figure out if your partner is the right one for you, look at how he handles the curveballs that life throws at him, instead of delibrately placing more obstacles on his way. You shouldn't do ultimatums, unless you are forced to it, and you certainly shouldn't do ultimatums, if you are not prepared to accept either of the two (or more) outcomes it can lead to. When I am presented with an ultimatum that is basically an attempt at manipulating me, I often choose the "wrong" option out of spite, just to say that I don't want to play such games.

4points

johndeaux588 , Kindel Media/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

"Effective communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Studies show that couples who engage in open, honest, and respectful dialogue are more likely to resolve conflicts successfully and maintain long-term satisfaction," Nia added.

And if you're having issues in your relationship, don't underestimate the effectiveness of therapy. "According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, approximately 75% of couples who go through therapy report improved relationships."

Meanwhile, an ultimatum can have a detrimental impact on a relationship. "Research indicates that while ultimatums can sometimes lead to immediate behavioral changes, they often fail to address the deeper issues, leading to recurring conflicts or eventual separation," Nia says.

#19

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Since I was a little kid I wanted to be in law enforcement and got a job with my dream agency out of college. I left after a few years to work in the family business, but eventually returned to law enforcement. Met a woman, fell in love, and got married. Ten months into the marriage she decided she couldn't be married to a cop, so I needed to quit and find a six figure job or she was going to leave. I'm on the verge of retiring and she moved back to her hometown and married..... another cop!!

Final score:

113points

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Jon Steensen 5 months ago

Not wanting to be married to a cop might be acceptable, as it can be kind of dangerous job, and that fact might be stressful to a spouse... but all of that goes out the window when you mention that the reason is that he does not make enough money in that position. If you want more money there is only one route you can take, and that is to go make them yourself.

5points

ginbooth , SHVETS production/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#20

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I'd just spent the last 5 years hoping and praying my fiance would beat cancer. She did. She was ~~finally out of remission~~ officially cancer-free. The coast was clear, our future brighter than ever. A few months later, she wrote me a long letter informing me that if I wasn't comfortable with her spending nights out with her boss going to dinners and/or movies, I did not understand love, and we should end things. She promised he was just like a sister to her and there was nothing to worry about. It turns out, there was. She was madly in love with him. Leaving her was one of the most heartbreaking and wise decisions I've ever made.

Final score:

109points

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Susie Elle 5 months ago

Wow ... just, wow.

49points

raxtich , Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#21

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them My wife (girlfriend at the time) said "I'm getting close to 30, and I want to have a kid before then. I want very badly for it to be with you. If that's not in your plans though, then there is no point in being together, because I will just end up resenting you for it". I chose to stay with her, and soon thereafter we started our little family. It was, by far, the best decision I ever made.

Final score:

106points

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Jan Rosier 5 months ago

So, actually, no backfire?

66points

"While ultimatums can sometimes act as a catalyst for necessary change, they are often a sign of deeper issues in your relationship that require more sustainable solutions through communication, empathy, and professional support," Nia shared. "Prioritizing mutual respect and understanding over demands and pressures usually yields healthier and more lasting outcomes. Do not be too forceful and threatening with ultimatums you want a respectful and comfortable relationship."

#22

Lol I was 19 and pledging a sorority, my boyfriend was 25 and super unhappy about the whole thing. I did not know/ realize he was emotionally abusive and he was legitimately getting upset that I had friends outside of him.

He called me right when he knew I had pledging stuff to do, it was literally on the schedule I shared with him. My 'big sister' decided to answer for me and he screamed at her until she gave me the phone.

He told me to pick my sorority big sister or him. I picked my big sister and I don't regret it one bit! Those ladies taught me so much about conflict resolution, emotional abuse, boundaries and so much more. He destroyed my PlayStation and all the stuff I left at his house but it was worth it, I dodged a bullet.

RolliPolliCanoli Report

Final score:

96points

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Beth Wheeler 5 months ago

Yes you did girl, big time.

35points

Slappyxo , Designecologist/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#23

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Ex boyfriend had a "girl best friend" who was constantly inappropriate and pushed boundaries. I tried to be the "cool" girlfriend who didn't care, but after a while it really got to me. I didn't want to give an ultimatum but after he would race out of my house in the middle of the night because she called him up crying, I had to. I didn't even say "me or her". It was "stop that s**t, or I'm out.". He told me he would ALWAYS pick her over me and that would never change. So I was out.

Happy ending, I met my wonderful husband a week later. My ex's girl best friend also wanted nothing to do with him as soon as he was single and dropped him and he came crawling back. I blocked him.

Final score:

95points

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Veronica Jean 5 months ago (edited)

I have a guy friend like this. I can't even imagine asking him to come in the middle of the night unless I was actively about to commit suicide. I absolutely love his girlfriend and fully respect their relationship, I feel like if you're really friends with someone, you should care about the person they love. Her and i are already making their wedding plans haha

12points

Gromann , Vanessa Garcia/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#24

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them My ex was so adamant that we had to move to Florida neverminding the fact I was gainfully employed in a very specific niche that doesn't exist that often so it would have been incredibly difficult to find a similar position. Not to mention they were unemployed.

Eventually she pulled the "I'm moving to Florida with or without you" So... I took the out and stayed in California.

She begged to come back a year later and had to take a job in Alaska since she had no income and needed something that would hire with a living quarter on site.

Final score:

91points

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Teutonic Disaster 5 months ago (edited)

So she wanted to move to Florida (because reasons) and ended up in Alaska?! Talk about making a wrong turn at Albuquerque...

99points

Nexdoor_babe , Min An/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#25

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I have a friend doing this. It's her or his best friend, me. He chose her. Now he's broke because of her, miserable, does all the cooking and cleaning, pays for her dogs vet bills and care, all the rent etc. She demands two weekly date nights at fancy places. Sucks to suck man. I warned him.

Final score:

87points

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james stevenson 5 months ago

Dating or married? Dating is a easy one to fix

5points

imapotatognome , Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#26

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Friends or her. Usually an immediate red flag, I took it as such. Turns out she was right, few months later and I realized those guys were total a******s.

Final score:

84points

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Lyoness 5 months ago

Well that took a turn.

76points

#27

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Had an ex that told me I had to choose between him and World of Warcraft. Shockingly I chose World of Warcraft.

A year later I got a job working AT Blizzard Entertainment, on WoW in QA. It kick started my game dev career. It’s now 16 years later, I work on one of the biggest games in the world, and am so damn happy I told him to go pound sand.

Aquilleia , foeoc kannilc/Flickr Report

Final score:

83points

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Zoe Vokes 5 months ago

I think this is an understandable ultimatum. Some people are addicted to gaming. If you’re in a relationship with somebody and when they’re not working they are always playing games then you’re basically alone in a relationship. People can have interests but not if you don’t have time to spend with your partner.

67points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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#28

The relationship ended as soon as the ultimatum was given. I had chosen to continue drinking and lying after being given so many chances. I wasn't about to stop after some ultimatum.

I love being sober now (6 years!) and not being a trash bag human being anymore. Betraying trust is such a s****y thing to do to another person.

trenchfoot_mafia Report

Final score:

81points

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Lyoness 5 months ago

Congratulations on your sobriety!

53points

tooful , Elijah O'Donnell/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#29

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I told my "ex" it was me or the d***s. 3 days later he killed himself. So. That happened.

Final score:

72points

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Hayhaypaula 5 months ago

That must have been so hard for you. So sorry for your loss.

58points

LupusDeusMagnus , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#30

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Nothing, just broke up with them. The idea a woman could even imagine she had a chance to stay between me and my children is offensive.

Final score:

69points

POST

Joy Chapman 5 months ago

One day, my husband of over 20 years said, "I want a divorce. I am seeing another woman. She is my last chance at happiness." His family told him the other woman was crazy and he was crazy to leave me. I begged him to return to couple's therapy. He refused. Then the OW didn't want him! She hated our kids, tried to get Child Services to take them away from both of us, and wouldn't let my ex move in with her. He came back to me, but I had come to my senses by then. No, no, buddy. I ain't the default setting. I'd rather be a single parent of two under the age of ten than a single parent of two under ten and one over 40.

7points

sightlab , Andres Idda Bianchi/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#31

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them It was untreated alcoholism or me. I couldn't take it anymore, I'd started going to AlAnon meetings and was slowly resigning to the fact I really coudn't fix him. He had to want to change. He didn't. It was a LOT of things, really, but the drinking was killing me.

5 years later, he texts me every time he's about to break up with another boyfriend. Still drinking, lost, full of regret, but still stubbornly resistant to change.

Final score:

67points

POST

Agfox 5 months ago

I wonder why OP hasn't blocked him after 5 years

26points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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#32

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them He chose drinking. I moved out, moved cities, have a nice new life.

duskrat , energepic.com/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

66points

POST

chickpea me 5 months ago

The thing with alcoholics is...no use giving them a ultimatum because they just lie and say they choose you but keep drinking behind your back.

31points

Ouroboros612 , Anton Porsche/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#33

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Friend of mine not me but his gf complained he was "gaming too much". And he promised to change.

...Then Skyrim came out.

Final score:

65points

POST

StPaul9 5 months ago

OK, forge this and then it's bed. Hey, a dragon, a cave and a quest!

39points

amberm35 , Trung Nguyen/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#34

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Him or my sister. Lol be for real.

Final score:

61points

POST

tresgatos72 5 months ago (edited)

I'd choose my bf over my sister anyday - he's not a mentally ill backstabbing train wreck.

49points

#35

Boyfriend was living at home with his parents. We got together when he was 25. He smoked a lot of weed and had zero ambition. He got jobs only because I wrote resumes and networked on his behalf.

When he turned 29 I told him if we have not moved in together in our own space by the time he turned 30, I’m leaving the relationship because it’s going no where,
In 2015 he turned 30 in February.
Our relationship was going no where. He would be satisfied living with his hoarder parents together.
I left the relationship in August 2015.

Looking back on it, I know I shouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with him in the first place.

Violet_Ram_99 Report

Final score:

60points

POST

Funhog 5 months ago

I think that you're lucky that he didn't choose to move in together with you!

3points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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#36

He wanted me to be an Air Force wife or he didn't see a future for us. I was barely halfway through college, and I had decided as a teenager that I didn't want to even consider getting married before I was 25. He broke up with me, and about a year later I met the man who is now my husband. That was 22 years ago. 🙂.

AccessibleBeige Report

Final score:

60points

POST

similarly 5 months ago

Education gives you choices, and can be means to independence and self-reliance. I encourage people to be financially independent, whether education or skills or whatever, before getting married.

30points

#37

"It's me or the music" when I had just started my first ever band a little over a year before. We had just recorded an album and were about to embark on a small pub tour during the summer. It was trash admittedly, but we had a blast, and it inspired me to get to where I am today. Turns out she put an ultimatum on me not just because of my time away, but because she was cheating with several guys. Now I'm living with my gf/soon to be wife working my dream job. I conduct a choir, play in several bands, write my own stuff, write arrangements for several bands and choirs, and teach a bit on the side. Last I heard, she's apparently made her passion her line of work, too. How the turn tables.

VenkHeerman Report

Final score:

59points

POST

Sophia L. 5 months ago

How the tables turn?

1point

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#38

My ex was the one who got the ultimatum. The ultimatum was that he had to stop talking to the last woman he'd cheated on me with or I was out. (He'd previously promised to stop talking to her but he never did.) When I learned he was still talking to her and gave the ultimatum, he pushed back and said he wasn't going to do that. I left him on ghost after that. Good riddance. Hope he's enjoyed his relationship with his "kindred spirit." Cheaters deserve each-other.

Maxwells_Demona Report

Final score:

56points

POST

Beth Wheeler 5 months ago

Seriously..... He was most likely still cheating and lying to his wife. Good riddance to the lying jerk.

23points

dubbzy104 , Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#39

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them She wanted me to move across the country.

We met on a summer-after-senior-year organized trip for 2 months, enjoyed each others company, but the logistics just didn’t work out. I could’ve taken 6-12 months off of college to transfer closer to her, but decided to go to my dream school and be closer to my family

Where I ended up meeting my now-wife and things have been pretty ok.

Final score:

51points

POST

Sa Ruuu 5 months ago

"Pretty ok" lmao what a wonderful way to describe their marriage

69points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#40

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them Found out she had an affair.

Said to her it's either her or marriage counselling for us.

Slowly getting into a relationship with a new lady, she made her choice 👌.

tifauk , Chu Chup Hinh/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

45points

POST

Jon Steensen 5 months ago

Forcing people into marriage counseling rarely work. Unless both parties actually want to be there, making progress will be very hard, since one of them is very likely to be like a closed book, and is only waiting for it to be overwith.

8points

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#41

My ex gave me "it's polyamory or we break up"

I tried the poly. It was miserable. The breakup after I failed to be able to do it was MUCH better.

aterriblefriend0 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Lyoness 5 months ago

Unfortunately poly only works when all parties commit to it voluntarily and agree to full disclosure, open communication and (for most) veto rights. Anyone who tries to force you into it is either cheating or planning to. Run.

27points

#42

Kind of a twist because I didn't issue or recieve an ultimatum, but I acted on an 'offer' my ex made to some chicken he met out clubbing while I was home sick with 2 sick toddlers.

I found a text from my then-husband offering ANOTHER WOMAN to be either his mistress or his wife . . . . . her choice. She had texted back saying he needed to decide to divorce or not. The *DING* from her reply woke me up. He had been too drunk when he came home from the club to remember to lock his phone so I was able to read up the text string to figure out what the heck was going on.

I figured I should help make their choice even easier by divorcing his abusive (& monumental stupid) a*s.

Bonus points: she dumped him shortly there after. As did the next 2 fiancées (that he introduced to our 1 y/o & 2.5 y/o as their New Mommy before they disappeared a month or so later) before he moved in with the woman that would eventually become his 2nd ex-wife.

Optimal-Test6937 Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Andrew Arons 5 months ago

How did a chicken get into a nightclub? Don't they have bouncers?😝

12points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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#43

I've been the giver of an ultimatum before. I'm not usually jealous and it's not something I'd normally do. In hindsight, I should have just dumped the guy but I was young and naive. He had an ex wife. He was still friends with her. I had no issue with that. But then I noticed they were still calling each other pet names they had when they were married. I asked him to stop doing that out of respect for me. His response to that was to then hide all aspects of their relationship from me. I don't think they were having an affair but he felt the need to hide the friendship. He'd message her secretly and delete the messages and he'd hang out with her without telling me. I gave him the ultimatum to stop talking to and spending time with her. He said he chose me. Instead he actually bought a secret cellphone to keep messaging her.

AriasK Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Susie Elle 5 months ago

I'd consider that having an affair.

32points

UraniumBlue , Thirdman/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#44

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I have a friend that has this saying. I’m not sure where he got it from but he always says “BOI” but it’s an exhale as he says it and he holds the letters as he does it. Maybe BEUOY to spell it. He literally says it about 100 times a day and has for years.

Example: hey man, good to see ya!
“BEUOY”

A car cuts him off
“BEUOY”

Anyway he had a girlfriend who couldn’t stand it. She gave him the ultimatum at dinner. It’s BOI or me.

He sat there and thought for a moment. Stood up at the table. Gave a long gnarly BEUOY and walked out. .

Final score:

21points

POST

Sand Ers 5 months ago

Seems like a stupid hill to die on.

48points

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#45

He gave me several ultimatums. One was, "Lose weight or I will divorce you." My daughter was only one and still nursing when he said this. I'm 5'5" and weighed 135 lbs. when he said that, which was exactly 10 lbs. more than I weighed on our wedding day.

The other ultimatum was "Go to therapy to deal with your anger or I will divorce you."

I was angry because he did something I could not forgive him for. Whenever we had different ideas about what to do, I was expected to yield. I wanted to live in New England and he wanted to live in CA: We moved to CA. I wanted to live in one of the rural hill towns in the redwoods, he wanted to live downtown: We moved to the 'burbs next to downtown. I wanted to homeschool our kids or send them to private school, he wanted them to go to public school: They went to public school. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I wanted a third child and he didn't: He solved this issue by getting a vasectomy when I took our two existing children to visit my mom at her lakeside home.

I did end up losing weight. About 200 lbs. worth when I divorced his sorry a*s.

mom_with_an_attitude Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Nelson 5 months ago

Seems like both OP and ex have/had major issues.

34points

hautcuisinepoutine Report

#46

It was basically a choice between being online and talking to her every night (she went to a different school) or hanging out with my friends... I chose my friends. By the time I got the ultimatum I had already figured out that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her, so she gave me the easy out I was looking for.

Last I heard she got married and had kids. I have no regrets.

jerslan Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Gwyn 5 months ago

Can't you just split the evenings 50/50 between her and friends? Why need to go out every single night? He obviously didn't care about her that much in the first place.

5points

#47

She said it’s me or the car. I chose the car.

Some context: my car at the time was a vintage 1985 Mercedes 300D. It was a rusted hoopty piece of s**t. I wanted to restore it someday. I really loved that clunker.

Some context on her: turns out that she had major deep rooted money security issues that I found about later on. In her mind I was going to blow all our savings on the car and we would end up homeless.

Plot twist, I sold the hoopty a year later and got a Hyundai. Still miss my Benz. Don’t miss her.

Final score:

16points

POST

james stevenson 5 months ago

Wow. nice car

6points

whatnameisnttaken098 Report

#48

Almost, before my ex revealed just how crazy she was we had an argument about apartments/ rental property that we would share (thank God we didn't move in together)

Basically it boiled down to my place being fairly expensive (2 Bed/1 bathroom) but would literally be right in the middle of both our jobs (around 15-30 minutes depending on traffic/ time of day), had a washer/ dryer and was close enough to a few different grocery stores and entertainment options that we could easily walk to anything we needed.

She wanted a place that was cheaper ($700 cheaper iirc), was absolutely massive, but was absurdly far away from pretty much anything, let alone our jobs, which would have been a 2-2½ hour drive if I remember Google maps correctly.

Final score:

13points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

A LOT of missing info: were you on similar incomes? Were you planning on going 50/50? I can totally see why someone would be wary of moving in an expensive rental. That commute's crazy tho.

6points

redoctoberz , Gary Barnes/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#49

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them I gave the “it’s your choice to do the polyamory lifestyle or we go to marriage counseling (monogamous marriage)”, which resulted in my divorce.

Things didn’t go so well in her new polycule. “ENM” swapped the “ethical” word for “exploitative”…..

Final score:

11points

POST

james stevenson 5 months ago

What's ENM?

6points

Hempsox , Gül Işık/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#50

"Get A Lower-Paying Job": 40 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn't Work Out For Them GF at the time HATED my basement apartment mostly because it was pretty run down but it was really cheap rent. Told me either I found a new place or she was breaking up with me.

I kept the apartment. Still don't regret the decision.

EDIT to complete words so sentences make sense and to say I can't believe I finally remembered I have a response to one of these questions.

Final score:

11points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

If she wanted a better place so badly, she could have paid your new rent 😆

5points

#51

I was in a relationship in my early 20s and things were great. One day she starts texting me pictures of puppies. I LOVE dogs but at the time had my elderly dog that had been my pal since I was a kid; he was about 14 at the time. I asked if she was considering adopting and she said she was feeling lonely lately (ouch) so had been considering it.

I told her that I would not be ready for a few years, at least after my dog's time came, and she said okay fair enough. I suggested we foster in the meantime to have best of both worlds. We had a chat where we came to an agreement, or so I thought. We agreed this was not the right time for us as we also worked crazy full time hours and lived in shared apartments in a city.

Two days later she calls me and asks to drive her round-trip to/from a foster parent two hours away as she had just signed adoption papers for a new puppy.

I have since learned boundaries and self respect.

listenspace Report

Final score:

10points

POST

cryssH 5 months ago

My ex and I had a small beef cattle ranch. An older friend wanted to sell us his Reg. Tennessee Walker stallion. We did not have the spare cash and inadequate fencing for the stud. My ex agreed with me it wasn't time to buy a stud. The next day I come home and he's working on a huge corral with 2x12s, hot wire fencing, a massive undertaking. I asked what was going on and his reply was; "Will, says he'll take payments, so I bought the stud". Guess who ended up doing all the breeding, filing reports and advertising. Yeah, me,

0points

#52

Ive always liked tattoos and piercings(nose and ears), at the time we were together i didnt have alot but still a couple + he knew about it when we started dating. Half a year later he starts saying he finds them gross or ugly (mind you i hadnt gotten any new ones during this time) wanting me to get rid of them, which was obviously a bit upsetting.

He kept bringing it up the following months we were together so finally i had enough of his gaslighting and dumped his a*s.

Queue 10 years later im now engaged to a wonderful man and he is heavily tattooed and loves me the way i am. I only have a couple new ones but plan to get more.

Sooo X - how i look vs be with him? HAH.

Willing-Ad4050 Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Sweet Taurus 5 months ago

I had my nose pierced when I met my now husband and he always said that he thought it was sexy. At one point I lost my stud while sleeping and didn't have one to replace it. So I went probably a week without one and when I went to put the one in I couldn't. The hole had healed inside or something and I haven't had one in since. A year or so into our relationship and he starts making comments about how he thinks they're ugly and not for grown women etc. I was like wait you said you loved mine... his excuse was it only looks good on me but in the back of my mind I've always felt like he hated it the whole time and only said he liked it because he was trying to give me a compliment or something.

5points

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

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What do you think ?

POST

ZGutr 5 months ago

My starting point is to never accept an ultimatum. Once they see it works, there will be more and there might just be no end in that.

12points

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

My starting point is to never give an ultimatum 😂. If things are so bad you need to issue it, they might as well mend things alone.

10points

KatSaidWhat 5 months ago

This really is circumstantial. There are times that ultimatums really are in your best interest - like getting rid of a bad habit.

4points

DC 5 months ago

"It's either the ultimatum - or I!", then ... right?

1point

Jon Steensen 5 months ago

Sometimes you are kind of forced to pose an ultimatum though. E.g. when your relationship has grown so bad that something needs to change in order for you to be able to stay in it. E.g. saying "It is the bottle or me", can be the drastic measures you need to take when you are dealing with an alcoholic, who is currently not just ruining their own life, but also yours. But I agree in as much as you shouldn't give an ultimatum as a kind of blackmail, just to control others to comply with your wished, or when you cannot accept either of the outcomes. Don't pose empty threads, and don't give into blackmail are generally healthy principles to live by, but sometimes you need to make people aware of the potential consequences of their choices, mark your boundaries and do a bit of negotiation, and an ultimatum can be the tool for all of that.

0points

Wysteria_Rose 5 months ago

It wasn't exactly a flat out "it's me or them" ultimatum, but I could tell it was heading that way with my ex and choosing between him/his family and mine. Towards the end, he was very open about not liking my parents or my siblings. In some ways, he had his reasons; my siblings and I had some rough patches but I was always wanting for us to get better in our relationships, not go non-contact. Each holiday it turned into an argument about going to HIS family's celebration but not even visit mine. Through my first year of college, I realized that this wasn't going to change, there would always be a reason why his family was better and we should blow off mine. I'm so happy to now be married to someone who loves my family and is always good with us being with them.

7points

lauren hughes 5 months ago

Ex told me that he wanted to stay with me, but I'd have to go through my cancer journey alone and he didn't want to hear about it, because he ''had things to do''. Dumped him on the spot, right there in the oncology department. Moved 200 miles away back near where I'd moved from (moved for him, so we could get a place together). Beat cancer, and he tried to come crawling back. Laughed in his face. A very happy ending for me, although I've not been in a LTR since then

4points

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

Very happy to hear your happy ending ❤️

1point

Tempest 5 months ago

Ultimatums don’t always backfire in the issuer’s face. Sometimes they can help open your eyes to the truth. My ex had a drinking problem which was affecting our relationship and his personal life (DUIs, missed classes at uni, etc). I was the one who gave him the ultimatum to either get sober or I leave. I agree that if a relationship comes to such a stage it’s bound to fail but I was a naive person who didn’t see the red flags. The ultimatum worked for a while. I was his “first love and everything he wanted’ in his words. He was able to stay sober for some months and was actually a much better person. Then some of his drinking buddies came back and he slipped right back into his old habits. I should have left right away but I held onto hope he’ll get better. It ended with him painting me as the problem to his friends and our mutuals, essentially alienating me from all those people. The ultimatum however opened my eyes as to how much of a problem he had and how I can’t help him.

1point

Arya 1 month ago

In elementary school (I think 3rd or 4th grade) I had two friends, S and W. Well they decided they didn’t like each other and eventually S demanded that I choose between them. I decided that if I was going to be forced to make a choice, then I choose the person who isn’t forcing me to choose. Fast forward several years and I have my first boyfriend. Now suddenly W is demanding that I choose her or him. Apparently, she didn’t remember what happened in elementary so I had to remind her that I’m always going to choose the person who isn’t forcing me to choose, especially when the reason for demanding that I choose is just “I don’t like that you’re spending time with someone other than me”

0points

Wendy Flynn 5 months ago

My husband of 16 years issued an ultimatum to me early on in our relationship...Him or my dog. To be fair, she was annoyingly needy...lol...but she had a hard life before I adopted her, so I was not going to give her up. After I explained that to him, I issued my own ultimatum...Me and my dog or bah bye. He chose me and the dog. The dog had a good life, but has since passed and we're still happily together.

0points

POST

ZGutr 5 months ago

My starting point is to never accept an ultimatum. Once they see it works, there will be more and there might just be no end in that.

12points

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

My starting point is to never give an ultimatum 😂. If things are so bad you need to issue it, they might as well mend things alone.

10points

KatSaidWhat 5 months ago

This really is circumstantial. There are times that ultimatums really are in your best interest - like getting rid of a bad habit.

4points

DC 5 months ago

"It's either the ultimatum - or I!", then ... right?

1point

Jon Steensen 5 months ago

0points

Wysteria_Rose 5 months ago

7points

lauren hughes 5 months ago

4points

Pittsburgh rare 5 months ago

Very happy to hear your happy ending ❤️

1point