Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Interview With Expert

Moving in with your partner is a big step in any relationship. It’s the merging of two lives into one household. And so, before making this huge step, people should think if they want that. But sometimes even that can’t prepare for what it’s actually like to live together.

This couple is an embodiment of that. They dated for almost 3 years, but the second after they moved in together, the woman understood what a mistake it was. Apparently, having a man in her space wasn’t something she wanted.

More info: Mumsnet

Moving in together is a huge step, and some couples realize they aren’t ready for it after it happens

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)

A couple dated for around 2.5 years, and it seemed sensible that they should live together, with the woman’s children

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The man quit his job and moved 100 miles to do that, as they thought it was worth it

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

But less than a week in, the woman started to feel claustrophobic in her home and annoyed with her boyfriend

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)

He was always in her personal space, she had no time for herself, and he even started parenting her children, even though they agreed he wouldn’t be doing that

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: whatdidididido

So, the woman came to vent online about the fact that she’s almost sure she made a huge mistake

Back in 2014, the father of the OP’s children walked out. He left her with three children – a son and two daughters. Now, the woman has been dating a new man for around 2.5 years. Six months ago, they started discussing the idea of them living together.

Some argue that a couple should date for a time before moving in together. For instance, 18 months or so. During this time, the honeymoon phase should wear off and people will see each other for what they actually are.

At the same time, others say there’s no definitive period; rather, it’s when both parties are ready to do so. Like they’re committed to each other, are on the same page about current and future life, and so on. From what was written in the post, it seems that the OP and her boyfriend were ready to move in together.

Only there was one issue. The man lived 100 miles away. And so, he would have to leave the city, his job, and even his family to live with her. The woman couldn’t do so, as her children’s lives were where they lived. He deemed this relationship worth it, and he moved in. That’s where the trouble started.

Every little thing about her boyfriend started annoying the woman. In fact, not simply “annoying,” but enraging her. The OP started feeling claustrophobic in her own home, feeling like she had no place to relax. For example, she likes to sit on a 2-seater sofa and watch stuff on her laptop. But now the man keeps sitting nearby and watching the woman’s screen.

Additionally, while she works night shifts, he works during the day. And so, while she sleeps, he works, and when she wakes up, he’s back from work. This leaves her with no time for herself. Not even in her bedroom, which used to be her quiet space from her teenagers.

Bored Panda’s interviewee international relationship coach Teresha Young pointed out that having personal space and time is crucial for every relationship: “Respecting this need can prevent emotional burnout or resentment.” And so, seeing that the OP didn’t had a chance to have personal space and time, it’s no surprise she became annoyed.

Besides, since moving in, he never at least tried to tidy the home. Plus, he didn’t even pay the rent when he was supposed to. And his stuff is everywhere, just adding to the claustrophobic feeling. All of it is making the woman irrationally angry – he’s like someone who invaded her home.

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)

If all that wasn’t enough, he also started parenting the woman’s children. One day, they were getting ready to leave and he ordered the woman’s daughter to dry her hair in a very parental tone. This stumped both the teen and her mom. They had agreed beforehand he wouldn’t do that and his disregard was shocking.

Teresha said the discussions about parenting roles and blended family dynamics are important before moving in. But it’s also important to comply with these things you agree on, but the OP’s boyfriend didn’t do that.

So, with everything added, the woman thinks she made a huge mistake. He left everything behind to live with her, but now it’s not working out.

Apparently, it’s quite common to become irritated by your partner, especially if you spend a lot of close time together. It also can be a sign of some unresolved issues of any kind – financial or emotional, to name a few. All these annoyances must be communicated. If that isn’t done, it can snowball, which can doom the relationship.

Yet, it doesn’t seem that the woman communicated it with her boyfriend. Instead, she vented about it online, which on one hand can be a good way to properly work out your feelings. It’s a proven fact. Writing down your feelings can help to lower blood pressure, improve sleep, and lower stress levels.

Plus, when you do that online, you get advice from netizens. This vent is no different. And while quite often netizens can give poor advice, this time it seems that at least some of them were smart.

They said that the woman should communicate all her feelings with her boyfriend. Maybe they thought they were ready to live together but actually weren’t. Trying to “power through” isn’t the right way to be in a relationship – with time it will only get worse.

Our interviewee fully agreed with this sentiment: “Regular check-ins allow both partners and children to express how they’re feeling, ensuring that any issues are addressed early and to also celebrate all that has been working well.”

The update provided in the comments suggests that the relationship, or at least co-living, isn’t likely to continue anymore. So, what we can wish for both of them is to find someone who they can tolerate in a shared space. After all, life is already short, so we should all strive to live as happily as we can, right?

Folks online agreed that if she feels this way, they might have moved too fast and that she should communicate all of this with the boyfriend

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

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I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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What do you think about the couple's chances of successfully co-living in the future?

POST

JB 2 months ago (edited)

Seems neither of them really thought about the inevitable lifestyle changes that come when you move in together. But I’m generally more irritated by her than him. It’s been a week during which she has made no attempt to adjust. She’s mad at him for being in her personal space. Angry that when there’s no place for him in her perfectly ordered living room he goes to *her* bedroom. Annoyed at all the stuff he brought that they didn’t discuss in detail beforehand, what’s so hard about saying, “There isn’t room for all this in the home. We’ll try to fit what we can but you need to sell everything else.”? And the passive aggressive leaving his dirty dishes so he gets the hint? Use your words! He’s probably been living a bachelor lifestyle for years where that’s his normal, you actually need to talk about expectations. The main thing that annoyed me about him was jumping into the parenting situation because that seems to be the one thing they did discuss in detail and agreed he wouldn’t. FWIW I’m female. She’s a grown woman with teens who appears to have expected she could just stash her bf in a closet when she wasn’t interested in engaging with him. She thinks it’s 100% his responsibility to fit into her life, her home. That’s… not how a partnership works. I’m actually slightly concerned that he has altered some behaviour, he’s not gaming as much as he usually does. Not a psychological professional by any stretch but I feel that suggests he’s closing in on himself. He doesn’t feel welcome but he doesn’t know exactly why. He’s probably just as uncomfortable as she is.

56points

Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)

I can understand how she feels but as someone who knows that I need alone time I wouldn't have taken such a drastic step as to have someone move their entire life, move in with me and my 3 children without at least a trial period. Wouldn't you want to see how everyone gets along together, test out the new dynamic especially how a partner moving in is going to get along with the kids. People can make promises and set up boundaries and rules until they are blue in the face but there's only one way to find out if a living situation is going to work long term. You've to at least test things out short term before someone sells their home and relocates. It sounds pretty annoying but she really stepped in it.

20points

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Yu Pan 2 months ago

I agree! Op wrote it in a way that message me just want to smirk at her and say, "This is what you get for not thinking this through". BF is not perfect, but she's worse.

9points

Lyoness 2 months ago

I wouldn't have thought to put it that way but boyfriend in the closet might be my new favourite saying.

2points

Just stopping by 2 months ago

This was so well put and I agree. She honestly doesn't even sound like she should be in a relationship to me. Just needs a long term "friend" who doesn't want more

1point

Sandia 2 months ago

I thought the same, until I got to the part where he told off her daughter. Anyone who would do that after a clear boundary had been established needs to go.

0points

Comment Deleted 2 months ago

I think this woman is not looking at how this man may be feeling. She asked him to share her home and make it their home but only if he stays out of her space and life and as she said many times HER HOME. He must feel like an intruder and an unwelcome guest. Shame on her.

33points

ValdaDeDieu 2 months ago

It's this bad in the beginning; it's not going to get better; plus there are children in the equation. It's best for both of them to get him out now. She can bite the bullet and help him to move.

13points

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Apatheist Account2 2 months ago

It seems like she has too many boundaries and too much baggage. They need to communicate about what the other wants; but if she doesn't want him next to her, on the sofa or in bed, what is their relationship about? If she needs separate time, organise it. I generally have Saturday afternoon as "me" time (unless there's an emergency or health issue); they need to allocate "me" time and "them" time, if she wants to be a couple, but it doesn't sound as though she's that keen. She also needs to state house rules, and he needs to accommodate them (eg prompt washing up). Otherwise, forget it.

14points

Sarah Matsoukis 2 months ago

Have they never spent a week or more at each other place before? Trial runs are essential.

10points

Jonas Fisher 2 months ago

OP is the bigger AH here. It's clear that he could be the best partner in the world and 99% of her resentment would remain. She doesn't want him in the house at all. Yeah, the thing with her daughter was s****y, for sure. Everything else -- once I consider that it has been funneled through a person so clearly angry -- is just nothing at all. Once I realize that, I start to wonder what else was going on with the daughter that day. Had there been conversation about leaving the house that had been already going on and on and on and on until finally OP laid down the law? I could understand if this poor guy added his own frustrated two cents at that point. OP is just flat-out wrong here.

9points

Janice 2 months ago

This relationship is doomed. OP is so resentful of him that the only chance it could work is if they move to a bigger house that isn't "hers." OP is territorial, which is to be expected, but some of her issues are her problems. Nah, I give it 2 weeks max.

8points

Meagan Glaser 2 months ago

They spent some weekends together but nothing longer. She had one seat available in the living room and was furious he sat in it. She's irritated he sleeps in the bed. Good lord for a woman so proud of her boundaries she did absolutely NOTHING to lay them out ahead of time and think of it having another adult in her house would cross every single one.

5points

Charles McChristy 2 months ago

Well, the main issue is the last sentence of your rant. You said, "MY HOME" instead of "OUR home:. You F-ed up big time, and you are handling it like a child.

4points

Taffy Renee 2 months ago

Clearly she's not mature enough to live with a guy. What was she expecting? He's have 'his corner' and she's have the rest of the house like it's aways been??

4points

Internet wanderer 2 months ago

She's being too subtle. Don't imply, state it directly. EX: say you need your space in the couch instead of implying it by suggesting an armchair.

4points

Aline 2 months ago

He still has a job, he didn't give up everything to move. He gambled everything that it would work out. But, clearly living together isn't helping the relationship. He needs to get his own place, then both can re-evaluate if both want to continue dating. OP set reasonable boundaries and unreasonable ones, dont discipline my kids, don't sit in the open spot in the living roo (wouldn't is better weirder if he cozied up on the couch with the kids?). There seems to have been no discussion about how each person unwinds, or thought into carving out personal pace for everyone. It seems like both lack self awareness. Why would you move in before spending a week at least living together? He needs his own place. She should help with the initial deposit because he moving is a big expense and it was a joint plan. The. Be separate and date or just go separate ways.

4points

Aline 2 months ago

I often read and cuddle up with my partner while he's on his computer, sounds like a similar set up, a two seater. We both really like the touch time, even through we are doing separate things. Maybe that's what he wants expecting. Also he may have felt he was just backing her up with telling daughter to dry her hair. It was wrong but these things need to be talked through. OP needs to be upfront about what space she needs. But also be realistic about what she can give. He needs to do the same I think they will find they aren't compatible housemates. Doesn't mean you can't date.

10points

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Ben Aziza 2 months ago

Not sure how i feel about this. The dude messed up if she said explicit things and he ignored them. She messed up by accepting the move in. She does not sound ready for that kind of relationship. Can you start a family in the same home while splitting it like that? Or not having an equal relationship with children or at least one where you have mutual respect? That dry hair thing especially. He sounded like he was BACKING the mom... Why did she interpret it in such a wired way? Tldr: this relationship is not lasting long i think. I would also be curious to hear the dude's side of the story and explain the not washing the dishes part that is disgusting.

3points

Cee Cee 2 months ago

Very difficult to move into someone else's space especially if that someone has been on their own for a while. It might have been better for both to have moved to a new place. As it is I think the OP is too set in her ways and for everyone's sake, especially the children, best to admit it's not working and to go their separate ways. Poor guy uprooted his life for this sh**te.

2points

Vanessa MacKenzie 2 months ago

Her stuff, her routine, her couch, her bedroom, her house, her job, her space. Where exactly did she think he was going to fit in? He had to make all the adjustments - leaving his home, family, city, relocating a job, and now he can't even sit on a couch? Should he sit on the floor - would that make her happy? I am not a sharer of my space, even with kids. Friends use to joke that if I got married, he'd have to live in his own home next door. I choose not to get married. My kids are almost grown, and I can't even fathom the idea of sharing my remote control, let alone my house with a partner. She made the mistake because she is not capable of adjusting herself to accommodate him. She was most definitely not ready to have him move in.

1point

The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 months ago

They both sound like a******s

1point

Red Skye 2 months ago

I assume the OP is in America, if so tell him IMMEDIATELY, its not working out and he has to leave, or within a month he will claim he has tenants right and you will need to go the legal eviction route which might take months and much expense. Also tell him I am NOT your Maid/Housekeeper, YOU make a mess, YOU clean it up. As for the couch sharing thing, well you DID invite him to move in he assumed you meant to be cosy together, do tell him it irritates you.

0points

Anywhere but Here 2 months ago

Good god the reason this woman feels like she wants to scream and burn things is because she’s not letting it out in a healthy way. You know, with WORDS.

0points

Angela Jester 2 months ago

She really seems to hate him,actually.A couple of weekends a month isn't anywhere near the same as living together. She isn't ready to share her living space or adjust anything about her life to make room for someone else. He also seems to have boundary issues, but she hates him being there so much it's hard to tell because it's only been one week.

0points

Em 2 months ago (edited)

i admit i also almost rehomed mine at first, turns out you can't just adopt a random cute guy and expect him to fit in the house immediately, you have to take the time to train and socialize them

0points

Lisa Lee 2 months ago

Never get involved with someone who has kids. The kids will always be "right" and you will always be "wrong." Run, don't walk away!

0points

Libstak 2 months ago

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KatSaidWhat 2 months ago

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POST

JB 2 months ago (edited)

56points

Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)

20points

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Yu Pan 2 months ago

I agree! Op wrote it in a way that message me just want to smirk at her and say, "This is what you get for not thinking this through". BF is not perfect, but she's worse.

9points

Lyoness 2 months ago

I wouldn't have thought to put it that way but boyfriend in the closet might be my new favourite saying.

2points

Just stopping by 2 months ago

This was so well put and I agree. She honestly doesn't even sound like she should be in a relationship to me. Just needs a long term "friend" who doesn't want more

1point

Sandia 2 months ago

I thought the same, until I got to the part where he told off her daughter. Anyone who would do that after a clear boundary had been established needs to go.

0points

Comment Deleted 2 months ago

33points

ValdaDeDieu 2 months ago

It's this bad in the beginning; it's not going to get better; plus there are children in the equation. It's best for both of them to get him out now. She can bite the bullet and help him to move.

13points

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Apatheist Account2 2 months ago

14points

Sarah Matsoukis 2 months ago

Have they never spent a week or more at each other place before? Trial runs are essential.

10points

Jonas Fisher 2 months ago

9points

Janice 2 months ago

8points

Meagan Glaser 2 months ago

5points

Charles McChristy 2 months ago

Well, the main issue is the last sentence of your rant. You said, "MY HOME" instead of "OUR home:. You F-ed up big time, and you are handling it like a child.

4points

Taffy Renee 2 months ago

Clearly she's not mature enough to live with a guy. What was she expecting? He's have 'his corner' and she's have the rest of the house like it's aways been??

4points

Internet wanderer 2 months ago

She's being too subtle. Don't imply, state it directly. EX: say you need your space in the couch instead of implying it by suggesting an armchair.

4points

Aline 2 months ago

4points

Aline 2 months ago

10points

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Ben Aziza 2 months ago

3points

Cee Cee 2 months ago

2points

Vanessa MacKenzie 2 months ago

1point

The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 months ago

They both sound like a******s

1point

Red Skye 2 months ago

0points

Anywhere but Here 2 months ago

Good god the reason this woman feels like she wants to scream and burn things is because she’s not letting it out in a healthy way. You know, with WORDS.

0points

Angela Jester 2 months ago

0points

Em 2 months ago (edited)

i admit i also almost rehomed mine at first, turns out you can't just adopt a random cute guy and expect him to fit in the house immediately, you have to take the time to train and socialize them

0points

Lisa Lee 2 months ago

Never get involved with someone who has kids. The kids will always be "right" and you will always be "wrong." Run, don't walk away!

0points

Libstak 2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

KatSaidWhat 2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

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Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Moving in together is a huge step, and some couples realize they aren’t ready for it after it happens

A couple dated for around 2.5 years, and it seemed sensible that they should live together, with the woman’s children

The man quit his job and moved 100 miles to do that, as they thought it was worth it

But less than a week in, the woman started to feel claustrophobic in her home and annoyed with her boyfriend

He was always in her personal space, she had no time for herself, and he even started parenting her children, even though they agreed he wouldn’t be doing that

So, the woman came to vent online about the fact that she’s almost sure she made a huge mistake

Folks online agreed that if she feels this way, they might have moved too fast and that she should communicate all of this with the boyfriend

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Woman Lets Partner Move In With Her And Her Kids, Immediately Understands She Shouldn’t Have

Moving in together is a huge step, and some couples realize they aren’t ready for it after it happens

A couple dated for around 2.5 years, and it seemed sensible that they should live together, with the woman’s children

The man quit his job and moved 100 miles to do that, as they thought it was worth it

But less than a week in, the woman started to feel claustrophobic in her home and annoyed with her boyfriend

He was always in her personal space, she had no time for herself, and he even started parenting her children, even though they agreed he wouldn’t be doing that

So, the woman came to vent online about the fact that she’s almost sure she made a huge mistake

Folks online agreed that if she feels this way, they might have moved too fast and that she should communicate all of this with the boyfriend

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Subscribe to Access Exclusive Polls

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

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