“AITA For Refusing To Ask My Partner If He’ll Drive My Friend To Work When I Go On Maternity Leave?”
It’s not uncommon for colleagues that live close to each other to carpool, as long as the arrangement works out to everyone’s benefit. It saves cash, puts less cars on the road, and gives colleagues some out-of-office bonding time. But life happens and situations change, which can sometimes mean these arrangements come to an end.
In the case of Reddit user u/throwawayaita278902, she has always driven her friend to work but, now that she’s 7 months pregnant and going on maternity leave, she won’t be able to carpool anymore. Her friend can’t drive and has no idea how she’s going to get to and from work. Now she’s asking the mom-to-be to ask her partner to take over carpooling duties, but the author of the post is refusing to do this.
More info: Reddit
Ridesharing mom is going on maternity leave, meaning she won’t be able to keep driving her friend to work
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The friend keeps insisting the woman ask her partner to drive her, but she says it’s out of the question
The author says she wishes she could help, but driving to work at 6AM with a newborn baby just isn’t happening
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Luiz Gustavo Miertschink (not the actual photo)
The mom-to-be feels it’s unreasonable to ask her partner to wake up earlier just so her colleague can get a ride to work
Image Credits: u/throwawayaita278902
Now her friend won’t stop bugging her about asking her partner to take over carpooling duties, blames her partner for getting the woman pregnant in the first place
There are plenty of good reasons to carpool. It saves fuel, alleviates traffic congestion, and can make the drive to work feel a little less lonely. For one Reddit user, carpooling with her friend was convenient, since her colleague only lives 10-15 minutes away and they both have to be at work at the same time. Now that she’s 7 months pregnant and going on maternity leave in a month, the handy arrangement is coming to its end.
As it turns out, this is going to be a major problem for her colleague, since she can’t drive, and the closest driving school is two hours away. To make matters worse, she doesn’t have any family to assist her. OP says she’d love to help out, but that driving with a newborn baby just to drop her friend off at work isn’t a feasible scenario.
Now the expecting mother’s colleague is demanding OP ask her partner to take over the carpooling duties. OP refused. For one thing, it’d mean her partner has to wake up far earlier than normal just so her colleague can get a lift to work, which she believes is a bit much to ask. For another, OP claims her partner has people pleaser tendencies, and would probably just cave in, so she feels it necessary to protect him.
Her colleague even made a joke that her partner should drive her to work since he was responsible for getting the mom-to-be pregnant in the first place, thereby disrupting the usual arrangement. To add insult to injury, the colleague told the pregnant woman that she wouldn’t have taken the job (that OP helped her get) if she knew they wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore.
OP explained that her colleague should have figured it out from the occasions when OP couldn’t give her a ride due to illness or appointments. Now her non-driving, carless colleague is insisting she ask her partner to take over, but she’s not prepared to budge, and took to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk in this situation.
The entitled colleague is now guilt tripping the pregnant woman about the situation, keeps insisting she ask her partner to drive her to work
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
From the details in her post, it seems that OP’s colleague is intent on guilt-tripping her into doing something she doesn’t agree with. Dealing with a friend who wants to take advantage of you can be tricky, but not impossible, to navigate.
According to an article written for WebMD.com, licensed medical health counselor Robin D. Stone says, “Guilt trips often happen in close relationships (family, friends, some co-workers) where you care about your connection as well as the person’s feelings and how your behavior affects them. That care is what a guilt-tripper zeroes in on — when they “guilt-trip” you, they’re using your emotional bond to manipulate you into doing something.”
Further on in the article, Stone goes on to say that guilt-tripping is a problematic way of communicating. The guilt-tripper may have trouble expressing their needs directly, or they may feel at a disadvantage in the relationship. Guilt tripping might be a way to show dissatisfaction with you without simply saying so.
Stone adds, “When someone runs a guilt trip on you, you may feel stressed for saying no under pressure, or resentment for saying yes and feeling manipulated. You may start to avoid the person and any chance of discomfort for an impossible request.”
That avoidance can contribute to more stress and anxiety. Either way, a guilt trip can create an unhealthy imbalance in your relationship. To get back to center and maintain your relationship, you need a smart response. By checking in with yourself, setting boundaries, and communicating directly and with grace, you can stop a guilt trip while preserving your sense of self and protecting your relationship.
Valorie Burton, positive psychology coach and author of books like Let Go of the Guilt: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy, says, “Authentic guilt is an inner compass. When we use it wisely, it helps us make choices we won’t regret later.”
The problem comes when we allow “false guilt” to hijack our actions in reaction to feelings of guilt. As Burton says, “Unlike authentic guilt, false guilt is the feeling you’ve done something wrong, even though you haven’t done something wrong.”
In a Business Insider article medically reviewed by Jaci Lopez, PsyD, the author of the piece states that if someone makes you feel like you owe them something, gives you the silent treatment, or makes passive-aggressive statements because they want you to do something, those are all red flags.
In the comments, Redditors immediately slammed the colleague, with one person saying, “It’s so nice to read about someone who protects their partner from being taken advantage of. Absolutely NTA.”
I think the colleague is way out of order, especially since the soon-to-be parents will have their hands full and their sleep disrupted once the baby arrives. Do you think she’s out of line with her constant insistence and entitled behavior? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments swiftly came to the author’s defense, saying she’s not the jerk in the situation, and calling her “friend” entitled and a mooch, among other things
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What does she do it OP is sick or on vacation? She has months to figure out how to get to work, or to start applying for other jobs. If you don't drive, and there's no traport to your work, you should consider another job anyway, or another place to live that's closer to transport or work. Unemployment is at record lows in many countries right now, it's a good time to be applying for jobs, especially if you have one for a few months, you aren't going without a paycheck.
What are you thinking? Now you're not working you have plenty of time to do her shopping, cook her meals, do her laundry and perhaps give her house a daily clean as well. After your partner takes her to work, then picks her up later.
I hope this is sarcasm. If not, off to the woodshed!
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I'd think that being a FATHER is more important than being a taxi. Let the colleague put a note up at their work looking for a possible ride. Who knows? Maybe there's someone else close by. NTA.
What does she do it OP is sick or on vacation? She has months to figure out how to get to work, or to start applying for other jobs. If you don't drive, and there's no traport to your work, you should consider another job anyway, or another place to live that's closer to transport or work. Unemployment is at record lows in many countries right now, it's a good time to be applying for jobs, especially if you have one for a few months, you aren't going without a paycheck.
What are you thinking? Now you're not working you have plenty of time to do her shopping, cook her meals, do her laundry and perhaps give her house a daily clean as well. After your partner takes her to work, then picks her up later.
I hope this is sarcasm. If not, off to the woodshed!
Load More Replies... I'd think that being a FATHER is more important than being a taxi. Let the colleague put a note up at their work looking for a possible ride. Who knows? Maybe there's someone else close by. NTA.
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