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Woman Asks For Advice Online As She’s Disturbed By Her Stepdaughter’s Closeness With Her Dad
Seeing a person getting along with their parents is a nice sight for sore eyes. Yet, as with any other relationship in life, there are boundaries to be established there. And when these boundaries are crossed, well, the relationship doesn’t seem so wholesome anymore.
Just like in today’s story, where a woman reached out to netizens because she’s creeped out by her boyfriend being close with his daughter. And not simply close – so touchy-feely close that it makes everyone around uncomfortable.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
What to do when you think you’re witnessing an overly intense relationship between a child and a parent?
Image credits: Stanley Morales (not the actual photo)
A woman feels that her partner is too close to his 19-year-old daughter – she sits on his lap, they hold hands, and she can’t even make a decision without him
Image credits: Ave Calvar (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credits: VivienneBMama
Since their bond makes the woman uncomfortable, she went online to ask for advice – should she confront them about it or leave it be?
The OP lives with her partner. Both of them have children from other relationships. Hers are two boys, 12 and 15 years old, while the partner has a 19-year-old daughter. She is already in university and comes over on holidays and so on. Despite her not being with the rest of the family full time, she’s fully integrated into their life.
Well, it’s nice to see a blended family getting along. After all, it isn’t uncommon for stepfamilies to face various challenges. For instance, having trouble accepting each other, parents having disagreements over different views on discipline, competition for attention, and many others.
Even though they all get along nicely, it doesn’t mean that something in this dynamic isn’t troubling. For the author, it’s the fact that the partner’s daughter is a bit too close to him.
Before moving in with the OP, the man and his daughter lived alone. The mom isn’t too involved in the daughter’s life; she already has a new partner and a new child. Now, the man lives with his girlfriend, while his daughter is off at university. Yet, they talk daily, sometimes even a couple of times a day. She fills him in on every detail that happens to her. So, you might think that speaking daily with her father isn’t too much, right? Well, that’s not all.
The original poster thinks their relationship is too emotional and sometimes even too physical. She specified that it’s not intimate physicality, but still, it’s too much. For example, sometimes they’re very cuddly. She sits on his lap (remember, she’s 19), which looks kind of strange.
They also sometimes hold hands while they are out. One time, someone mistook them for a couple, which mortified the man’s actual girlfriend.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
If that isn’t enough, she also sometimes tries to play the OP off against her dad so she can have some time alone with him. Adding everything together, the author isn’t the only person who has noticed this strange bond – her sisters have too.
What makes it all even more complicated is that the girl seems to be way more confident and even happier when her dad isn’t around. But since the woman doesn’t want to ruin her relationship, she’s never brought it up either to him or her. Basically, she turned to Mumsnet to get advice on what she should do.
Some people there guessed that over-affection might be one of the girl’s characteristics. And maybe, in the future, when she gets a partner of her own, she might direct it to them.
But others were more skittish. For these folks, the whole situation seemed off, just like it seemed to the OP. It’s normal, in fact, even beneficial, for a father and a daughter to have a relationship. It provides advantages such as emotional resilience, self-regulation, and many more. But in the case of this story, the bond seems to be a little over the top.
After all, there should be some boundaries between a child and their parent. When it becomes the center of their existence and damages other relationships, it becomes a problem. And right now, this one is slowly becoming a problem in the OP’s life – she can’t stop worrying that they’re too close. If that continues, it’s bound to influence her relationship with a boyfriend in one way or another.
So, quite a few netizens suggested the woman trust her gut and make a decision. Does she want to say something and risk ruining her relationship? Does she even want to stay in it with the possibility that their bond might never go away? Or does she want to run as fast as she can? Well, in cases like this, no one but the person themselves can make the decision. The OP will be the one to live with it, so it’s up to her to choose.
What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?
Quite a few people were also unsettled by this relationship and suggested that the woman trust her gut and decide whether she wants to end it, let it continue, or simply bolt
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What do you think ?
Kaa 3 months ago
I regularly cuddled my Dad when he lay on the recliner and I threw myself on him. In my twenties. I just loved my Dad as a Dad and nothing else.
Winnie the Moo 3 months ago
I still throw myself at my dad. He is my DAD. We cuddle and sometimes when he is lying on the couch or in bed I go and lay next to him (on top of the sheets), just to cuddle. I really don’t see an issue with that! Also, I have two boys of my own and I always tell them when they sit on my lap: I hope you will sit on my lap when I’m 96. And they’ll say: no you will sit on my lap! We are very physical (so many hugs and so many kisses) and if anyone tried to tell me that’s wrong and think of it other than parent-kid love, I would cry of laughter!
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Milena B. G. Rosa 3 months ago
I did not sit on my dad's lap on public, but I did hold his hand when outside until I was around 24 - still do it sometimes and i'm 27 now. People have assumed we where something other than father and daughter, but both my mom and later my stepmom as well as my dad just corrected people and we did not stop holding hands in public. Being affectioned with a parent it's not bad, people just can't see affection without assumindo it's Romantic or sexual
Binky Melnik 3 months ago (edited)
I’m reading these messages from people who’re really affectionate with their folks and at first, it ooked me out a little, but by the time I got to your post, I realized it’s because I never got ANY affection from either f my parents, so I think that was behind my being uncomfortable with it. Now I’m beginning to wonder whether the people who are uncomfortable with this might be like me: not having experienced parental affection, it looks weird to us? I’m starting to come around to thinking it’s likely normal and those of us who’ve never experienced it don't know what it looks like. 😰 Great; the tears are here, so I’ll cut this off now.
Load More Replies...
TheBlueBitterfly 3 months ago
Sounds like she's very insecure and has leaned heavily on her father. She might be emotionally locked to a young age due to trauma - possibly the divorce of her parents? Some people are just overly affectionate with parents. I was with my mom. (But I guess because we were both female, people didn't immediately think "something pervy/creepy going on.") With any luck, the teen will find a romantic interest and drift away from her father being her only source of physical reassurance/affection.
Kaa 3 months ago
I regularly cuddled my Dad when he lay on the recliner and I threw myself on him. In my twenties. I just loved my Dad as a Dad and nothing else.
Winnie the Moo 3 months ago
I still throw myself at my dad. He is my DAD. We cuddle and sometimes when he is lying on the couch or in bed I go and lay next to him (on top of the sheets), just to cuddle. I really don’t see an issue with that! Also, I have two boys of my own and I always tell them when they sit on my lap: I hope you will sit on my lap when I’m 96. And they’ll say: no you will sit on my lap! We are very physical (so many hugs and so many kisses) and if anyone tried to tell me that’s wrong and think of it other than parent-kid love, I would cry of laughter!
Load More Replies... Milena B. G. Rosa 3 months ago
I did not sit on my dad's lap on public, but I did hold his hand when outside until I was around 24 - still do it sometimes and i'm 27 now. People have assumed we where something other than father and daughter, but both my mom and later my stepmom as well as my dad just corrected people and we did not stop holding hands in public. Being affectioned with a parent it's not bad, people just can't see affection without assumindo it's Romantic or sexual
Binky Melnik 3 months ago (edited)
I’m reading these messages from people who’re really affectionate with their folks and at first, it ooked me out a little, but by the time I got to your post, I realized it’s because I never got ANY affection from either f my parents, so I think that was behind my being uncomfortable with it. Now I’m beginning to wonder whether the people who are uncomfortable with this might be like me: not having experienced parental affection, it looks weird to us? I’m starting to come around to thinking it’s likely normal and those of us who’ve never experienced it don't know what it looks like. 😰 Great; the tears are here, so I’ll cut this off now.
Load More Replies... TheBlueBitterfly 3 months ago
Sounds like she's very insecure and has leaned heavily on her father. She might be emotionally locked to a young age due to trauma - possibly the divorce of her parents? Some people are just overly affectionate with parents. I was with my mom. (But I guess because we were both female, people didn't immediately think "something pervy/creepy going on.") With any luck, the teen will find a romantic interest and drift away from her father being her only source of physical reassurance/affection.
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