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It's one thing to see your friends do it but quite another to live it yourself.
Recently, one Reddit user submitted a question to the platform, asking moms and dads to share the funniest things child-free people have told them about their idea of parenting. And they delivered.
From calling maternity leave "a vacation" to the classic "just sleep when the baby sleeps", here are some of the phrases that let parents know you have no clue what they're going through.
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#1
When I was pregnant, I couldn't sleep well because every position was uncomfortable. Well, my friend said, 'You probably can't wait to give birth so you can catch up on some sleep!'
Bored Panda contacted the author of the post (who wanted to remain anonymous) to learn more about what inspired them to create it in the first place. "I think I was talking to a child-free friend about working from home during lockdown and how my husband and I found it quite challenging since the day care (which we usually use) was not an option and taking care of a 2-year-old is a full-time job as is, let alone when you have your 9-to-5 job with it," they said.
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#2
I was getting a passport for my 3-week-old daughter, and the worker said I needed to sit her up on her own, then when I told him she couldn't, he stormed off to get a manager.
"She was completely shocked since she wasn't even thinking about it that way. She enjoyed working from home and was able to organize her time well, while using this whole lockdown thing to catch up on all the books she never had time to read. Then I was shocked," they added, jokingly. "It just became clear to me how our conceptions differ depending on our life choices, and I instantly remembered unsolicited pieces of advice about parenting (not from this friend), as well as some benevolent comments which clearly show how parenting really isn't one of those things you can have a preview of."
#3
This one was from my ex who I should have know would be a terrible parent.
In the hospital, I just had a baby and was struggling to breast feed. I went to the washroom and when I came out my ex was feeding my newborn applesauce. FREAKING APPLESAUCE. She was only hours old and 4 weeks premature.
Also he told me that I needed to wait for my 5 month old to calm down and self sooth before I fed her her bottle because when a baby cries when they are hungry that’s how they manipulate the parents.
God I hate him.
Toujin C'Thlu 3 years ago
I'm wondering what kind of scary childhood this guy had if he thinks a 5 month old is capable of manipulation.
Naturally, the author of the post also had misconceptions about parenting when they were child-free. At least for the newborn stage. "I didn't know babies needed to learn basically everything. Like, I thought breastfeeding comes to them naturally, meaning it's not challenging for a mom at all. Then I had my daughter who literally needed to learn how to suckle."
"When I first heard about babies 'rolling onto their tummies', I didn't know that was something they needed to learn. Of course, I know they won't be able to sit, crawl, etc., but I never thought that turning your body is something that's acquired. There were many misconceptions," they explained. "I learned they weren't the case at all by having my baby."
#4
When we were working on our baby registry, my husband couldn't understand the need for a stroller, saying, 'I'll just carry the babies.' What makes it even funnier is that we were having twins!
The Reddit user wasn't expecting that the post would get so much attention. "I didn't have the time to read all of the replies but I had more than a few good laughs and I also learned that us parents need to be there for each other. It's hard for others to understand [what we're going through], so judging each other is really counter-productive. Also, even though I've started my post by stating that it shouldn't be about how child-free people were rude (just clueless), I have received a couple of really ill-meaning comments where parents saw judgment regardless of the fact that there probably wasn't any."
I guess the bottom line is that people who had huge misconceptions about parenting expanded their horizons. And gave the Internet a good laugh. That's a win-win in my book.
#5
I was working from home with a 6-month-old, and it was hard trying to have conference calls and entertain her at the same time. Well, my husband said, 'Don't worry — it'll get easier when she's around 12 months old, when you can just sit her down for an hour or two with a coloring book.'
Anna Banana 3 years ago
This should get double points for not being said by a child-free person.
#6
When I went on maternity leave with my third kid, my boss said, 'Enjoy your vacation.'
Panda Kicki 3 years ago (edited)
Not completely wrong. In Sweden we have 480 days paid parental leave per kid and many save some months to go on vacation with them later. I have been on several vactions with my 3 kids while on parental leave.
#7
Once, my child-free friend asked me if my 18-month-old would sleep in the next morning because it was Saturday. I laughed so hard!
#8
Recently, we were visiting our friends — who are child-free by choice — and they really love my kid. When they heard my kid was into puzzles, they brought her a 1,000-piece one! She's 3 years old.
#9
When I was pregnant, one day I realized my baby hadn't moved as much as usual, so I told my friend I might need to go get checked. She replied, 'Can't you just tell the baby to move with your mind?'
#10
I foolishly thought I'd have all this free time during maternity leave, and I actually suggested to my husband that it would be the perfect time for us to get a puppy because I'd have time to train it!
#11
I was pregnant at the time and working in a kitchen. My general manager caught me sitting down while prepping some potatoes for service and said "It must be nice to get to laze around whenever you want". It took all of my will to not say something snarky. He did get fired 3 weeks later for a non related incident. Karma is a b**ch.
#12
My favorite is always, 'Just sleep when the baby sleeps.'
#13
A thing I said before I had kids. "I feel like parenting is easier than most people make it out to be." Said to my old boss with 2 kids. She laughed so hard she almost peed herself and then put that quote on her bulletin board to remind me when I had kids.
#14
We took our baby to a wedding when she was 2 months old, and they had a place setting at the table for her — complete with a full set of metal cutlery and a highchair!
WillemPenn 3 years ago
Um, unless the newlyweds cooked and served the meal, this is more on the caterers.
#15
My sister visited once and scolded me for letting my children take our couch cushions off the couch to make a fort. That's the last thing I was worried about with three kids under 7 years old!
#16
One of my relatives was always getting offended when she would call my baby to come to her and always get offended that the baby was ignoring her. The baby was 10mo., barely started walking at that point. I told my relative, "she barely knows that she is a person and has legs, she's not exactly choosing where she is stumbling to."
Javiera Gotelli 3 years ago
I hope that relative never has kids. Or even pets. Sounds like those morons who have kids/pets and expect them to fix their self-esteem issues.
#17
My favorite is always when people say, 'When we have kids, it won’t change our lifestyle at all. We will just bring the kids wherever we go!'
Anna Linkowska 3 years ago
Well that actually worked for me so it depends on the kid and Your lifestyle.
#18
I wish it was as humorous as a lot of the stuff I’m seeing but I have been told by far too many people (mostly without kids but a few with) that because I had an emergency cesarean I didn’t really give birth. It’s usually overly joking but still annoying as hell
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
My sister had an emergency caesarean because it was that or THE KID DIES. Which just makes this even more offensive. (My nephew came out just fine and is a strong and healthy toddler now, if anyone's wondering. Kiddo was just too damn big to be born the other way).
#19
My friends used to hit me up at like 7:00 at night, asking me to come out that night — and then they'd be shocked that I couldn't just 'get someone to watch the baby!'
Amy Pattie 3 years ago
Are we saying that you don’t keep an adult teen in your spare room all week for the occasion?
#20
My 22 year old brother telling me that instead of nursing my baby while we are together because it weirds him out, I can pump enough beforehand and feed bottles and then baby will be good all day. I explained that if I miss a nursing session then I would be really uncomfortable and have to pump during that time anyways so I usually only pump when I'm away from my baby. Sorry kid
#21
My wife and I told her parents that "We trained our dogs really well, kids can't be that much harder..."
18 years later I've got good kids, but the dogs need attention.
NanniBadcrumble 3 years ago
The kids were easy to 'train' my dog on the other hand..... it's a battle of wits and I appear to be losing lol
#22
I could never understand why parents had to plan around their baby's nap. Well, fast-forward five years and two children later, and I now know that if you don't, all hell will break loose halfway through your 'fun' outing!
Panda Kicki 3 years ago
Never planned anything around naps. They just sleep when tired, in the carrier, nearest sofa or lap. Depends on the kids and the training I guess.
#23
My mate thought it was genuinely OK to pop out for a bit whilst your baby was having a nap. I think her example was going out for a meal.
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
I had a friend who's husband used to do that. He worked from home several days/week and would put the baby down for a nap and then go out and get a haircut. I told her that if the baby woke and the neighbors heard it crying for an extended period of time and called the cops, they'd have the baby taken away. She thought it was ok for him to do that. He, obviously, thought it was fine as well. Morons.
#24
Someone I know suggested doing using maternity leave to do your masters.
#25
My husband thought kids start talking at around 3 months, and he joyfully asked our friend whether her 4-month-old was already saying something funny!
MarcAngelina Alcober 3 years ago
@Javiera Gotelli- you are seriously unhappy in your life- all of your comments in this thread are straight disrespectful and or in poor judgmental taste. I hope one day you can find some happiness- because the way you must be living is not living at all. Someone really needs to give you a hug.
#26
When I was pregnant and picking out a bouncer, my husband said, 'Is this really necessary? Why can't we just put the baby in a chair?'
#27
When I had my son, the first child from that generation, my cousin straight up asked, "are his eyes open yet?" Like I had a kitten instead
Laura Mende 3 years ago
Fair enough, Babies are used to close their eyes a lot. Took 3 days to see my nieces wonderful blue eyes!
#28
We were convinced that having a baby would have no significant impact on our ability to do things. So at seven weeks old when we got a message a relative was in our city for one night we said "sure we'd love to meet for dinner" and commited to a one hour train journey in each direction and dinner.
We got home at ten pm exhausted and saying "never again". The meal was wonderful but the trip home was exhausting
Uncommon Boston 3 years ago
There is a learning curve. When dating my ex husband, often he wanted my son to join us. When out to eat, he entertained my son -- like taking him to watch the lobsters -- my son adored him and loved the attention. Realistic expectations. He would order whatever my son wanted, within reason. Sometimes it was a plate of grated cheese. Happy child = peaceful dinner - usually.
#29
At 32 weeks pregnant I had the nursery complete and set up. All one could ever need to provide good care for a baby was in there.
Childless people around me: 'Oh, so early? Now you'll have to wait so long for the baby! What will you be doing in the meantime?
I got hospitalised at 33 weeks for being in labour
#30
I had to call in to my last job because my 4 year old was sick. My boss asked if I could just get someone else to watch her. As if someone else would be willing to take off work, risk getting sick, not to mention- I'm her mother, I'm the one people call to take care of MY child when she's sick. I just told him no after a confused pause. My current job is sooo much better about this. I was frustrated at the time, but now I think it's just silly.
What do you think ?
Vera 3 years ago
I am childfree, but my entire life I've been hearing from relatives and random strangers that I should totally have a child. When I point out the difficulties of pregnancy, birth and the actual raising of such, they normally respond in a rather dismissive way. Having kids is like a dead-end trap, once you are there you try to lure others in.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I've never tried to lure others in to having children they don't want or aren't ready for. My only child (daughter) doesn't want kids. I'm fine with that. It's her life to live, not mine, and she doesn't "owe" me grandkids. Would I like to have grandkids? Absolutely! But not at the expense of my daughter's happiness. My choice to give her life doesn't entitle me to run her life.
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Stille20 3 years ago
This could easily have been a post called, "misconceptions people have before kids". Instead the title is a snarky "child free people", which sets up a negative dynamic. Child free people can be a ally if you don't talk to them like they are an idiot for not knowing something
I’m A Black Cat 3 years ago
Agree. I hate being treated like an idiot bc I don't know what f*****g size a two-year old wears or whether it's ok to give a 3 yo a 1000 pc puzzle (yep that post pissed me off). It's a gift, don't go bitching about it on the internet or go all dismissive and patronizing
Load More Replies...
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Is it me or a lot of the fathers do not seem to have prepared at all for pregnancy or their child and have no idea about childrearing? Its sad how women are still expected to deal with it alone in most families.
Keia Hinton 3 years ago
In my experience, women glean a little information about pregnancy & childbirth during their teen and adult years from other moms, while men avoid this info like the plague until they have a kid.
Load More Replies...
Vera 3 years ago
I am childfree, but my entire life I've been hearing from relatives and random strangers that I should totally have a child. When I point out the difficulties of pregnancy, birth and the actual raising of such, they normally respond in a rather dismissive way. Having kids is like a dead-end trap, once you are there you try to lure others in.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I've never tried to lure others in to having children they don't want or aren't ready for. My only child (daughter) doesn't want kids. I'm fine with that. It's her life to live, not mine, and she doesn't "owe" me grandkids. Would I like to have grandkids? Absolutely! But not at the expense of my daughter's happiness. My choice to give her life doesn't entitle me to run her life.
Load More Replies... Stille20 3 years ago
This could easily have been a post called, "misconceptions people have before kids". Instead the title is a snarky "child free people", which sets up a negative dynamic. Child free people can be a ally if you don't talk to them like they are an idiot for not knowing something
I’m A Black Cat 3 years ago
Agree. I hate being treated like an idiot bc I don't know what f*****g size a two-year old wears or whether it's ok to give a 3 yo a 1000 pc puzzle (yep that post pissed me off). It's a gift, don't go bitching about it on the internet or go all dismissive and patronizing
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 3 years ago
Is it me or a lot of the fathers do not seem to have prepared at all for pregnancy or their child and have no idea about childrearing? Its sad how women are still expected to deal with it alone in most families.
Keia Hinton 3 years ago
In my experience, women glean a little information about pregnancy & childbirth during their teen and adult years from other moms, while men avoid this info like the plague until they have a kid.
Load More Replies...
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