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34 Mistakes People Wish They Didn’t Make With Their Kids As They Are Their Parents’ Mistakes
Becoming a parent is a transformative experience. Depending on how you were brought up, your approach to raising your child may take one of two forms: you either swear not to repeat the same mistakes or unknowingly commit them again.
Today’s list is more about the latter. We’ve collected responses from a recent Reddit thread in which people shared the parenting mistakes they’ve experienced and later realized they’ve repeated with their own kids.
These replies involve giving a child the “because I said so” treatment, losing patience, and failing to show positive reinforcement, among many others. If you’re a mom or dad yourself, are you guilty of these? Let us know in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My dad was a workaholic and never got much time to spend with him. I find it hard to spend time with my kids. I'm there physically, its just hard emotionally.
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#2
Loosing my patience. Honestly, the stress of being a working parent has given me more empathy for my own.
#4
Taking their bad mood out on me (emotionally, not physically), then feeling guilty and overcompensating by being extra sweet later after calming down. That leads to a disorganized attachment style and fear of intimacy. Kids shouldn’t be subjected to such emotional volatility.
#5
Comparing siblings to each other.
#6
Trying to be ‘perfect’ instead of just being present. My parents stressed over little things, and now I catch myself doing the same. Learning to let go and enjoy the moment more.
#7
Being an overly critical perfectionist .
Joanne Earle 3 days ago
One of the many reasons I didn't have kids. My smother was a hyper critical person and nothing I did was ever good enough. I was afraid I'd do it too, or that she would do it any kid I had.
#8
Too much screen time.... It's just easy when I need some quiet time, or need to get things done without a cling on.
The Big Bad 3 days ago
It comes in waves with us. Every time I try to lessen their time (and my own time) on screens, but then things get busy and it gets worse, et cetera.
#9
My 3 year old has started saying "hey!" To get my attention. I keep replying "Hay is for horses." I always promised myself I wouldn't do that.
#10
Not showing genuine emotions/positive reinforcement.
Lila Allen 3 days ago
My husband did this and we now do it with our kids. Before you say something criticizing what they did you have to tell the person you love them and mean it. It really changes up how critical comments feel.
#11
Telling my kid ‘because I said so’ instead of actually explaining things. I hated it as a kid, but now I totally get why my parents did it—sometimes you just don’t have the energy to argue with a 5-year-old.
Little Bit 3 days ago
When you've explained things several times over and they still persist, then, "because I said so" is not unreasonable. It is just a way of ending the argument.
#12
Being too lax on the sense of humor. My daughter was always mature enough to know when and where it was appropriate. My son is going to get in some trouble and I’m going to have to laugh my a*s off while being really mad at him. lol.
Lila Allen 3 days ago
LOL- Our football coach was concerned when I was sitting in on practice and my son swore. He apologized and I laughed and said where do you think he learned those words. ( should add my kid is 15)
#13
Desiring my child to be like me. Mind you, I don’t actually try to make them like me but sometimes I want them to be interested in my interests and share my passions but I know that my child is their own person. My mother consistently pushed me to try to be like her and my dad. My father, thankfully was always the reasonable one in the family and always pushed back against her when she badgered us about fitting into her “norm”. I won’t say I resented her for it because I still love her dearly but it made growing up hard because it took me forever to find out who I was and get my individuality.
#15
Their mistake was HAVING children. I am making sure I don't make that mistake.
#16
Talking badly about myself in front of my kid. I inadvertently taught my kid to hate himself too. Recognized it by the time he was 11, but the damage was done.
#17
Saying no without being able to explain exactly why.
Joe Publique 3 days ago
Children don’t always require lengthy explanations when they hear 'no.' A simple reason—like 'That’s not safe' or 'It wouldn’t be fair'—helps them understand. However, constantly justifying every rule can turn boundaries into negotiations and create entitled adults who struggle to function within the constraints of adult life, such as work and social norms. Life won’t always pause to explain itself, and learning to accept reasonable limits is part of growing up. Of course, gentle guidance is important most of the time—but sometimes, a calm, firm 'no' is all a child needs. It’s less about control and more about preparing kids to operate successfully in the real world.
#18
Allowing my kids to see some of my anxiety. I try to keep a lid on it, because I know the reason I have it is because of how much my mother's very open anxiety shaped mine, but it slips out here and there (broken glass is a trigger).
#19
I (35, F) grew up without a mother. She left when I was a toddler and gave up full custody to my dad. I had a series of step mothers, but they were mostly short lived and weren't very kind to me. I now have two daughters, and I try to act like what I imagine a mother should be. My references for behavior are from a Mish mash of friends moms and tv/movie characters. I just hope I'm doing well by them.
#20
No morals! They just said read the Bible and go to church.
I grew up as an entitled little s**t.
#21
My mother was alternately either over or underprotective as a result of which I developed severe emotional problems and had a real lack of trust and confidence in myself and the world during my teens. Took me a very long time to come to terms with after many disasters. My father wasn’t involved much in my upbringing due to divorce and my mother blocking him out of our lives mostly, it is later that I rekindled my relationship with my father.
#22
Impatience and anger 😭.
Lila Allen 3 days ago
You can feel both. You just have to find ways to manage it without making it your kid's problem
#23
Not the answer that you’re looking for but i have two cats that have been healthy up until last month. I have become a neurotic overbearing mess. Not that I’ve ever been a laid back person but this is overboard even for me. If I’m like this over two cats I can’t imagine what I’d be like with children. So this has made me take a step back from having kids.
Lila Allen 3 days ago
OK so now you know... great time to get some therapy to help you process why you do this and develop healthier strategies.
#24
Avoiding talking and confronting complex problems with honesty. Sometimes there are some issues that need to be solved with time, but a good portion of that is understanding where it comes from and confronting the issue.
#25
Being antisocial with other parents and having it limit my own kids' social circles.
Joe Publique 3 days ago
Because your kid can't spend time with other kids unless you spend time with their parents?
#26
Showing love with food.
Max Fox 4 days ago
This person is an idiot. Showing affection with food is not only healthy and good, it is part of our humanity. For your kid's birthday, you make them their favorite food, you take them out to their favorite restaurant. You cook for them, you have a meal together and give them the last piece of cake., All of these wonderful wholesome experiences, that any expert would applaud, but this person just wants to pass on their eating disorders. I knew a few people who said that they "don't believe in showing love with food", and every one of them was raising their kids with eating disorders.
#27
I don't have children but I predict that I'll be a helicopter parent.
Max Fox 4 days ago (edited)
A person can learn to control themself. Every person who loves their kids has the temptation to be a helicopter parent. That is where actually being a grown up comes in. You do your best to act in a manner which is best for your kid, not in a manner which best calms your own anxieties about your kids.
#29
They tried to control the way I think and that's what made me rebellious but as I was an introvert kid I lost and gave my collar in their hands...ended up having no experience and friends.
#30
Trusting me sometimes when they shouldn't have.
Lila Allen 3 days ago
What??? Ok I need more context. Are you talking " assume you are mature when in a situation and allowing you to get into things that aren't age appropriate" or are you saying " should not have allowed me in a situation"
#31
We all know this much harsh syllabus, sitting at school all day for kids from 4 is not required at all. We all lagged life skills. But here we are repeating the same for our kids.
iseefractals 3 days ago
We put kids in preschool at 3 or 4, because it's important to socialize them at an early age, less they grow up to be adults who can't form coherent sentences and have panic attacks if a stranger makes brief eye contact.
#33
A lot of men have too much denial about the harm of circumcision to even question it, so they end up repeating the trauma on their kids rather than take the emotional hit of admitting they were harmed
Poll Question
What do you find most challenging about breaking the cycle of your parents' mistakes?
Identifying the mistakes I want to avoid
Learning new parenting techniques
Resisting reverting to old habits
Finding time to reflect on my parenting style
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