I never wanted to have kids.

Then I started dating someone who had one.

Thing is...the single mom was not - ultimately - "the one." We got divorced and went our separate ways. But the kid?

That was a different story. Her bio-dad was out of the picture (he literally skipped town the day she was born) and I stepped into that role when she was 6 years old after nobody else would. Unconditional love from the get-go.

When her mom and I split up 6 years later, I told her that "no matter what happens, I will always be here for you." I kept that promise, and am the guy who's got a stack of Father's Day cards and walked her down the aisle at her wedding.

I have no regrets.

gogojack , Carsten Vollrath Report

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Charlie the Cat

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I am Dad to a 6 year old girl. I met her Mum when she was 18 months old. I may not be her bio-father, but I am 100% her Dad. Love you Pandorah 💗

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My husband swore up and down that he didn’t believe in marriage or kids. I was always told I couldn’t have kids, and was just out of an 8 year-long relationship when I met him. I wanted to have fun, and he seemed like a great person.

Three months in, and I remember just looking at him and knowing… This was it. This was my person. A year later, he started talking about marriage while we were on a camping trip. Little did we know we also conceived our first son during that trip…

A month goes by, and I’m feeling sick and nauseous all the time. I end up buying a pregnancy test and discover that, yep. I’m pregnant. I go home to our house, and decide to let him off the hook. I want the baby, but I’m not going to make him be a part of a child’s life if he doesn’t want to be.

I sit down to tell him, and the moment I look at him, I can’t help but blurt it out. He got the biggest, silliest grin on his face. And said ‘yes, let’s do it! I want it all. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. All of it!’

I didn’t believe him for another two months. Not until he took me away for the weekend, and proposed.

I will never forget the love in his eyes as he kneeled down and asked me to marry him. It was pouring down rain and I could still see the tears of happiness in his eyes when I said yes.

We now have two (miracles!! I was given less than 1% chance of having one child, let alone TWO) kiddos, and are extremely happy together. He is the best father. He is best buddies with our boys. I melt each time I see them all together.

My SIL says that she never believed in love until she saw our relationship. ❤️

Waytoloseit , Anete Lusina Report

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Brocken Blue

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1 year ago

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This makes my heart burst with happiness. Being told children are an impossibility is so painful, I’m so glad it wasn’t how it turned out

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Ayooo, never wanted kids, tequila said, "hold my beer!"

Didn't find out until my then girlfriend was something like five months along because she was having her period on time the whole time. We found out the gender the same appointment we found out we were expecting.

We went home, freaked out, cried, and generally wallowed in our own self pity.

I was raised by a single mom and a parade of her boyfriends in conjunction with a s****y dad and his parade of new wives. I decided right there that I would be the dad I wish I had growing up.

Wife and I are celebrating thirteen amazing years together and the little guy turns eleven next month.

He is the light of our lives.

sun_cardinal , Luana Freitas Report

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xxx

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Yay! Happy for you guys, well done on breaking the cycle!

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I never wanted kids. Met my now wife and she wanted kids. When I say she talked me into having one child, it wasn’t like she was nagging me or anything like that. But she did talk me into it. After trying for a few years and nothing happening we got into foster care. Which totally change my outlook.

I went from not wanting any kids, to wanting to help as many children as possible. Being a foster dad and seeing what some of these children go through is heartbreaking.

Anyways we ended up adopting a girl (who turns three on July 2nd), who was in our care since she was 2 days old. And we had another girl not long after (after we stopped treatments to help with pregnancy).

I don’t get to travel like I want to, or be spontaneous anymore. But I do not regret anything at all. I’ve found emotions watching them grow up and interact that I didn’t know I had.

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Brocken Blue

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“I’ve found emotions watching them grow up and interact that I didn’t know I had.“ This is a great line and something I’ve heard from many parents.

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I don't regret having my daughter, she's the best but I immediately got a vasectomy. Kids are a huge responsibility and I wanna dedicate my full love, attention and resources to her. I wanna be the best dad I can be. The thought of another newborn at home sends shivers down my spine, though.

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xxx

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Honest and realistic - I like it.

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I met the one when she had a 10 month old girl and an ex that wanted nothing to do with responsibility. I thought I didn't want kids until I held my daughter in my arms. She's 15 now and her sister is 10. Yesterday my daughter said to me she hopes someday she can find someone who will love her the way I love her mother. I'm not a crying type of man but that broke me.

To anyone who says they'll never want children, I say okay no problem, no one should pressure you. But just be open to the idea that you might change someday and that's okay too.

XenonAegis , Anete Lusina Report

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Anxiousguest

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Only thing that I decided was to marry someone who is not like my dad. Or, if I end up in such a relationship, to run away unlike my mom. Luckily, I got someone who is not at all like my father,and I'm having a reasonably happy life now

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Honestly? I probably shouldn’t have had kids. Couple points of clarification: I don’t know that “regret” is the right term, and I am in the tough time right now where they’re younger and a lot of work. But life is HARD with kids; they’re expensive and exhausting and as a mother you definitely lose a LOT of your identity the second they arrive. My husband is an incredible dad and my kids are gold hearted, beautiful tiny humans. But sending them into a rough world scares me, I gave up my medical career for them, and some days I just think of how nice it would be to travel more and be able to have a good nights sleep. I also don’t think my husband fully appreciates that it was a sacrifice I made for him out of pure, selfless, genuine love for him. I gave him the children he wanted and I love our life, but I’m committed for forever to being a mom and it’s not a job you can half a*s. 🤷‍♀️

FlakyAd1193 , Keira Burton Report

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Anouk T

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1 year ago

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if you think that you have to sacrifice your life for your children you will never be truly happy to have them. Yes your life changes but it’s how you interpret the change that matters.

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My wife told me years ago that she did not want to have kids and I accepted that. We had a nice life of doing what we wanted and I didn't want that to change... then.

After a while I did think about wanting children and luckily she also changed her mind. We have one child now and my wife is the best mother ever. I think I'm a good dad but I'm not even close to how amazing she is as a parent.

So it ended up good.

kitjen , Trần Long Report

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I never wanted kids. Met my husband and had three. I didn't regret it at all until the world starting going to s**t and I now I feel incredibly guilty that I've brought them into such a dismal reality.

Tasty_Data_Tater_Tot , Karolina Grabowska Report

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Zophra

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When I hear comments like this, I have very mixed emotions. It seems every generation has "dismal reality" and even then, there is always the hope that the next generation will make improvements and be agents of change. Also, I don't think its healthy for children to feel/hear/sense from the parents that they are unfortunately living in a "dismal reality." This is just my unsolicited opinion.

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Yeah I never wanted kids. I was *vehemently* against it for 34 years.

Then my wife got pregnant (unplanned, whoops) and decided to keep it (her decision but I said I'd support her whatever she chose, because I love her sincerely). I lived in dread throughout the entire pregnancy, and seriously worried whether I'd be a strong enough person to deal with what came next, and whether our relationship would survive it.

Then my daughter was born. And, er, yeah I've never been happier in my life. Turns out I didn't know s**t about s**t before. Whole thing actually made me rethink my position on a lot of stuff and made me more open to trying new things. It's hard work and terrifying, but totally worth it to me.

Still got plenty of respect for people that decide against having kids though - each to their own.

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Lil Miss Hobbit

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1 year ago

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I like this one. So much respect for his wife and humble enough to admit he was wrong.

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I never wanted to get married or have kids. I’m now in bed with my wife who’s pregnant with our second child and I’m excited to celebrate my first sons birthday this weekend.

I can’t believe I almost didn’t experience this. Becoming a father has been by far the best thing that ever happened to me.

i-pi**-excellence32 , Amina Filkins Report

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girlsrock4ever

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1 year ago

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WTF is the picture tho?

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My wife and I were of the opinion that we weren't really parent material. Just a couple of big kids with a host of mental issues that barely functioned as adults.

Our kid was an accident, no two ways about it. We struggled with the idea, but in the end, dedicated ourselves to it. Both of us agreed on one thing... To be better parents than our own parents.

Ultimately, it's not for me to decide. But she is safe, and loved, and overall fairly happy. We're not perfect by any means... There are still moments of weakness, missed cues, miscommunication... But at the end of the day, she's my little girl. I love teaching her and playing with her and I'm so glad I didn't let pessimism keep me from one of the best parts of my life.

Fabulous_Pudding167 , Josh Willink Report

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Tams21

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No parent is perfect and it's usually those that know they're not that are better parents than those that think they are.

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Timmy Pillinger

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Ex teacher - the big division is whether a parent cares. A kid can lack almost everything but if the parent cares about them....

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girlsrock4ever

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That's ALWAYS the case. Ask any child with narcissistic parents.

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SarahBee

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Something that you can be really proud of is breaking the cycle. My parents messed me up pretty bad, as their parents had messed them up. I learned how to be a good parent by watching my in-laws, and have raised two emotionally healthy kids. Past trauma may have kept me from being my best self, but I did that right!

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I never wanted kids, fell in love, decided we wanted a baby, had a healthy baby boy. Three years later my husband died. It was so f*****g hard to raise our son by myself. I love him so deeply and with so much fierceness and I can’t imagine my life without him. However, if I had never known the power of that love, I don’t think I would have regretted not having children.

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Charlie the Cat

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1 year ago

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So sorry for your loss.

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Dont wait. If you want kids now, do it. I waited- did everything society said I had to do as a woman- college, travel, marriage- sadly, my husband died before we got to really try. We got married in 2014. We started trying then I had a bad miscarriage . We waited a bit then he passed. Not only did I grieve him, I grieved the life we had planned together - the children we didnt get to have, etc. It’s been 5 years since he passed and as you know, dating pool sucks lol so I am looking into just having a child on my own. I am blessed with a great family and support system to be able to do this on my own if I decide to do so.

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Betsy Ray

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1 year ago

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Oh so sad.

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It's hard to regret having kids. I honestly think we made the wrong decision, but I also wouldn't give up my kiddo for anything in the world.

We are stressed, broke, haven't had a date night in two years, and our mental health is closer to the breaking point on a regular basis than it ever was before.

The sound of that giggling voice, though...

iijjjijjjijjiiijjii , Karolina Grabowska Report

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Anouk T

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1 year ago

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Sounds like you need someone to help you with the kid like a family member a friend… kids are full on but there are ways to live your life as an adult while having kids but you can’t do it without help

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My GF (26f at time) and I (20m at that time) were driving and a couple kids ran across the road and I had to crash my car to avoid them. After the accident i exploded and beat the steering wheel and said, “GD it! I f-ing hate kids!” She started crying and told me she was pregnant.

I am sitting on the couch now with my grown son and baby grandson. Ex is 1500 miles away.

I have no regrets.

Paganoid_Prime , Alena Darmel Report

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Strawberry Pizza

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Wait, what? Who’s the ex - did you break up with that original GF and take the kids? I’m confused…

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I never wanted them. My then boyfriend, now husband was on the fence. After I married him and saw how he did his fair share of household duties, how supportive he was of my career, I thought "I wouldn't mind having kids if he was going to pull his weight."

So we just went along with the flow and one day I tested positive. Our son is exhausting but he brings so much happiness into our lives. But he brings extreme fear too. When your kid smiles at you and holds your hand, your world lights up. When he falls so sick that he needs to be rushed to the hospital or you see him bleeding from the mouth cos he split his lip... Those were some terrifying moments. You now live your life with your heart walking outside of your body.

Only have kids if you have complete faith in your partner.

Odd-Cobbler2126 , Vanessa Loring Report

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Strawberry Pizza

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“You now live your life with your heart walking outside of your body.” Poignant.

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I grew up having to help raise my uncle's extremely large brood of kids. I saw the toll that being constantly being pregnant and having to look after an ever growing football team's worth of kids had on her. I swore that was never going to be me.

I met my husband , and got pregnant by accident twice. My girls are my life now and i'm glad that I had them. I am also glad that we have permanently fixed that issue so we don't have more.

rowenaravenclaw0 , Alena Darmel Report

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I had a miserable childhood. I cried every day, got screamed at all day long. I never wanted to have kids. All I wanted was to have my own place and be left alone. Never wanted to be with anyone (my mom was miserable because of my dad).

Then I met my husband (on reddit too). He was the sweetest funniest person. I remember we had a discussion about kids.. I said I never wanted kids. He said he'd really like to have a mini him but he'd respect my wishes to not have kids. Well, a few pregnancy 'scares' later and I cried every time the test was negative.. I realized I do want kids, a future, house and all that with him.

We just bought a house together a few months ago, we just had a baby a few weeks ago who is still in the NICU. Its crazy to think about.

I can't answer this question fully since our baby's not even home yet, but people can change. I was dead set on never having kids. But then I found my soul mate and I wanted one.

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Betsy Ray

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I hope baby is thriving.

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It's yes to both. Sometimes I regret it. Other times I realize it was a wonderful decision. Life can be both.

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Rena

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Love this one. For most of us there is no right or wrong. This two sentences applies to me as a childless middle aged, too.

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This is a hard one. Because some days it feels so worth it, but other days I just feel like I f****d up. It's 100% a mixed bag for me. I'm not the person I was before having a kid, and I miss that person so much. She'll never come back. So I can get regretful of stuff like that. On the flip side, sometimes it's just so amazing to watch your kid grow and learn. But she drives me nuts too lol

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SarahBee

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You know the good and the bad thing is that they grow up. When they're little, it's all hands on deck. Then they're in school, and need to be driven places. Then they're in high school, and become more and more independent. Then they leave, and it's devastating. And freeing.

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My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We married really young and originally he wanted to have kids right away. I told him no because even though I had just finished my undergraduate degree, I wanted to travel and eventually go back to school for my graduate degree. Because of his job, we end up moving to Europe. We loved it and traveled so much and enjoyed every minute of it. During that time we went back and forth on having kids but "ultimately" deciding we didn't want them because we didn't want the added expense, time commitment, etc.,. We end up moving back to the US, and I start my graduate degree. During that time I cannot shake the feeling of wanting to have a kid. I bring this up to him and he says he's been feeling the same way. Mind you, during this time we're still happy and in love and nothing is essentially "missing" from our marriage. The love and trust is still there and we're both still having fun after so many years. After having a long and in-depth conversation about having a child, we decided to go for it. Our son was born in the middle of the pandemic in 2020 and I absolutely do not regret it. Yes this experience has changed our lives, but for the best He's taught me that life is more than my career (I use to be a workaholic), how to have boundaries at work, patience, how to break generational curses, and how to be a better partner to my husband. My son has also brought both me and my husband closer to our parents and siblings. I'm so excited to teach him about life and hope to have a good relationship with him well into his adult years.

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Genny McD

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Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

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I never wanted kids, ever.

Then my girlfriend and I had one.

And it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Sure, there are days when I’m tired, or frustrated, and he’s not listening, or misbehaving and I think I’m at my limit.

But then there’s days where I teach him about “why he has to share the sun with other people” (he wants it to be light out all day/night) or I watch him learn new words reading books or singing songs, or I see him perform tasks I didn’t know he was capable of, or he tells me about the oceans or shells or bugs that he learned about in daycare.

And it’s so f*****g cool to watch him learn new things, figure things out and learn about the world.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Your mileage may vary.

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Otto Katz

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"Share sun with other people" That is a fantastic way to phrase that, and what a great dad to come up with that.

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Was dead set on not having kids before marrying my wife, and even post marriage it took a lot of internal growth to become comfortable with it.

There are distinct sacrifices you'll make;

Drastically less personal time (it'll shrink a bit just by getting a partner, and then the kid will eat into it further).

Drastically less income, much of it will go towards your partner and your kid with only the scraps left for yourself.

Drastically less mobility, kids are a massive chore to manage; it's an extra bag to pack, often two, more overall concern for safety, and circling back to costs eventually it's an extra ticket.

Was it a good decision? Up to the individual, there are days I wonder but the kiddo ultimately does make me happy and it makes my wife extremely happy.

To me, my son grounded my life a bit; I don't want to say "gave it purpose" or "meaning" because I had/have a good career and I found fulfillment from that but like a pet can enrich our lives so can our kids (to an even greater extent).

Still young into the journey of raising my son (he is only 11 months old) but I would imagine once he is talking and expressing more of his own opinion it'll get better (and maybe those hard days, harder).

Do I regret it? No, but I totally understand those that don't want one either.

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Never wanted kids, met my husband, decided we would make some great kids. So we had one. Adamant about being one and done the whole pregnancy. I was sick every day. ER twice for dehydration. My son is 7 months old and we're planning on one more. I miss things but definitely no regrets.

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I never intended to have kids. My "the one" had one and I took her in as my own at her age of 1.5

Fast forward 5 years and we had a big oopsie. Now we have our own flesh and blood daughter. It was a brutal experience because she was cholicy and had ADHD.

But my daughters (19 and 24 respectively) are both the most amazing women and I couldn't be more proud of them and of being their dad/step-dad.

My youngest [my daughter] and I are best friends. 🥰

dirtyfacedkid , RDNE Stock project Report

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I never wanted children. I think I was one of the most vocal people in my environment about disliking children and never wanting that level of restriction on my freedom.

But then I turned 28, and something just changed in me. So I decided to have one.. and surprisingly, I love everything about being a parent. Now, I don’t do the whole mom identity thing and all that, and most my friends don’t have kids still. But I do know I want 3 children now, and feel like having kids has been the most meaningful and enjoyable thing I’ve done in my life. I am currently expecting baby #2 and really exited about getting to relive all the baby stages again. I totally did a 180 in other words!

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Strawberry Pizza

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It is OK not to want kids. OP is showing us that it is equally OK to change your mind. :)

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The best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a father. My son gave me the structure I needed and the purpose to not just grow up, but to finally realize this life was about something greater than myself. He's 17 now and I literally couldn't be prouder of who he has become. I think about my life and honestly, I might not even be here if he wasn't born.

yhpargotohpts , Anna Shvets Report

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I never wanted kids and neither did my husband. Got married at 25 and 27, then at 27 and 29 we both suddenly wanted kids. I’m so f*****g grateful that we both changed our minds, we really lucked out in that regard. 2 kids later and I couldn’t be happier that we did.

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