This whole story was horrible, but what makes me furious was that the mom was open and just said “I wished you had died instead” like what parent does that?

I get the feeling that if she had died and her brother survived the mom would be throwing extravagant parties every year to celebrate. I hope she can stay strong and remember she is worthy and it's her mom that has a problem.

I just watched a movie(semi accurate biopic if I understand correctly) called Qala about basically the same scenario... Twins, boy and girl, girl survives and boy doesn't, mom blames the girl and abuses her for the rest of her life because of it, leading the girl to a full on mental breakdown, murder and eventually suicide. I hope OPs story turns out better :(

My older sister and I were born on the same day, 8 years apart. She got the cake, I got a cupcake. One year, when I was an adult and having my own birthday with my husband, my mother called me selfish for not attending the surprise party she planned for my sister. On my birthday. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to attend or that I might have other plans.

These parents are so awful. I am a lone twin myself. My twin died after a few hours of birth. But my parents never acted like I was being disrespectful to my sister for celebrating our birthday.

I am a twinless twin and how your mother treats you is DISGUSTING. You lost YOUR TWIN just as much as she lost her son...but guess what, he was closer to YOU than he ever was to his dearest mommy. Your mother isn't grieving. I think it's a narcissistic move to get everybody to focus on her. What normal person brings up the death of a baby ever single year for 13 years, spends an entire day focusing on this childs death, meanwhile they have a living child in the next room over who they complete ignore and treat like garbage? I find it interesting that she is completely disrespectful and dismissive of you (and has been for 13 years) but expects you to respect her and YOUR dead twin. Does that sound normal to you? Because it's not. This family doesn't sound like they want children or that they are good parents. They wanted a fairytale story but reality served then a dish of...well, reality. I would go directly to a school counselor and tell them EVERYTHING. Call a child crisis hotline. At the very least, you need advice and therapy...your mom needs it too. Do you have anybody you can stay with? I would suggest you look into it. It'll give you a moment's peace, some time to focus on yourself and if your mom wishes you weren't around, oblige her stupid request. Make her eat her words. She had 2 babies, wants to focus on the one that's gone...and now she has no babies. TBH I don't know how you aren't self loathing and I'm sure you are. Who couldn't be after their mom said that to them? And I feel some congratulations are in order. I'm surprised you haven't locked your parents in their room while they sleep and then set the house on fire and walked away, never looking back. If my mom ever tried to throw my twins demise in my face, she would need reconstructive surgery, have brain damage and need care for the rest of her life. I was an only child and was horribly bullied and sexually assaulted early on in school. I'm 35 and I still get these fleeting moments where I wish Jessie was there and I wonder how different everything would've been had she of not passed away. It's a weight on my shoulders that I will never be able to release. I look forward to Alzheimer's or Dementia. I want to forget who I am, what I've gone through and the thoughts of how it could've been. You need therapy so that you can vent and develop some coping skills to your mom. You need to know that this is 100% a YOUR MOM problem, that she needs to deal with. Good job on your independent decision making. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you celebrating your birth. Continue doing so. Your mother is entirely wrong and even more so for celebrating your brother's death while blatantly refusing to celebrate your life.

Why does a 12 year old have a weekend job?

My youngest brother was a twin but sadly his twin didn't survive. He had a party every year just like we did. Looking back as an adult, my Mum must have had many thoughts about the boy that didn't survive. She never showed that to us. You have every right to have fun, a life and even party on your birthday.

I feel bad for her and can emphasize, in a way. I was born on Christmas Day, never had a party on my birthday, got "combination" gifts and instead of cake I got pie. Not to mention my mother telling me, every year, how much it sucked to be in the hospital on Christmas Day 😕

Everything about this breaks my heart.

You can work at age 12 in the US? Saving up all the money from a part weekend job to buy supplies?

Your brother died but you lived. They should celebrate your life as they could of very easily lost you both.

HOLY CHUTHULU CRACKERS is now my favorite saying

I feel so terrible for this young lady. Her mother telling her that she wished she'd died instead of her brother really hit home for me. It's something that will stick with her forever. I left from an abusive home when I was 14yrs old and was fortunate enough to have grandparents that took me in. I had gotten really sick but couldn't find a dr that would see me without parental or legal guardian consent. My grandparents were fighting for legal guardianship but my parents were making it really difficult. My grandfather asked if she would at least sign an affidavit so they could take me to a dr. I wasn't supposed to see this but I came across the response letter from my mother to my grandfather. *sigh* I'm not proud of reading someone else's mail but I did and what has stuck with me was "I don't care whether she lives or dies! I'm not giving her a damn thing. She's your problem now, you can deal with her!" Maybe I was wrong for reading it but it confirmed I was right in running away in the first place. It still hurts me and I read that letter 28yrs ago. It's not something a child should ever have to here from someone who is supposed to love them. 😢

My mother was the godmother of her sisters' son. He was a few months younger than my sister and sadly, my sister died when she was three and ngl, that is hard on a family. My aunt got sick on almost every milestone (think confirmation etc) and as eldest sister and godmother, my mom had to step in as replacement. She once told me it almost killed her every time because she did with her nephew what she couldn't do with her daughter but she gritted her teeth, hid her grief and celebrated and was merry for HIS sake, because it was no fault of his and he deserved to be celebrated. It was difficult for him as his mother could not attend. OP, honey, you are defined NTA and frankly, celebrating on another day wouldn't have made a difference imo. I wish I could give you a hug and you have every right to celebrate your life. I wish you many happy returns and many celebrations in the future.

The mum needs grief counciling, she will never change how she feels about her daughter until she's able to say goodbye properly to her son. That being the case the op should talk to the school counselor about what is happening at home because this will need other adults to step in to help change what's going on. Without knowing both sides of the story I'd hate to say this is an abusive situation but it is not healthy

Momy dearest needs help. So, she wishes the daughter was dead, does she? Well, she can have her wish, at least it will appear so for her when the daughter goes nc as soon as she can.

I only ever had one birthday party with friends in like May or something for my 10th. But that’s because my real birthday is in the summer and so my friends would be doing other stuff. For my real parties it’s with family. Although my mom has always been super overprotective so I wonder if she just said that because she thought I would die if I had a party with friends or something.

Well let's put it this way. Ask her if you had died and your brother had lived would she be celebrating his Birthday on the correct day of his birth? If the answer is yes then GTFO as soon as you can and NEVER look back. If the answer is no then atleast there's a fairness in that. I know you're only 13 and saying something is a lot easier than doing it and living through the consequences but it's better to be your own person than be around that toxic c**p.

I suspect that on top of never having dealt with the grief in a healthy way, the mother finds parenting a challenge, and any challenges to her authority are viewed as the daughter being difficult and stressful; by comparison she seems to consider the boy as perfect and idealised, because she never got to experience him going through childhood, and the difficulties and stresses that inevitably arise. Thinking (erroneously) that one child was perfect whilst realising the other is not has led to resentment and unrealistic expectations of the daughter. It could well be that the mother comes from a background where dealing with such issues is taboo, but regardless, it is atrocious parenting, cruel and destructive to continue in this manner for over a decade, not to mention the negative effects it will have had on the mother herself.

OP's parents are s****y excuses for human beings and absolutely f*****g suck. I hope OP moves out and goes NC with them as soon as they are legally able to do so.

There is one other possibility: the mom has PTSD from the birth and trauma, and doesn’t realize it. PTSD can have flare ups on anniversaries of the trauma. She may be unable to “get it together” enough to do something for the remaining child’s birthday. I hope that a friend of the mother can figure this out and get her some help.

My mother never had birthday parties for any of her children. A neighbor decided to give one on my sister's birthday. Even though I was given gifts too, it wasn't my celebration. I finally got mine when I turned 40. At minimum, my mom was fair to all. No parties. On that note, she wouldn't have cared if I held one, just not at home

My wife had a still born child from her first marriage, mid 90's. I feel real sympathy for her situation, but come that time of year, both my daughters and my own life are forgotten. It is like walking on egshells for my daughter and myself till the day after, but any help from us is refuted or just becomes a war. I lost a dear friend when I was 8, I lay flowers on his aniversary, but make no overt demands. Am I in the wrong here?

Yeah, a 13yr old did not write this.

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Your mom should understand when you immigrate to another country you are supposed to assimilate.