As a kid, birthdays were a time of excitement and joy, with cake, hanging out with friends, and, of course, presents. More than anything, it’s also a time to mark the passing of age and get one step closer to being an adult.

One internet user asked the online community if they were wrong for disrespecting a family tradition by celebrating their birthday for the very first time. She had the misfortune of her twin brother passing during childbirth, and her family declaring the day exclusively a time of mourning.

Normally, a birthday is one of those first occasions where a child can celebrate themselves

Image credits: varyapigu (not the actual photo)

A girl asked the internet if she was in the wrong for celebrating her own birthday for the first time

Her parents had always forbidden her from having a party on that particular date

Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)

Image credits: SunTime2

While it might seem arbitrary, children are more sensitive to specific age categories

While it might seem strange that annual birthday celebrations only go as far back as the ancient Romans, it’s important to remember that keeping track of specific days needs a consistent and fairly accurate calendar system. This might sound harsh, but the welfare of children was not seen as particularly important until the 19th century, as long as the child survived. By the 20th century, people had at least the inkling that children need special care and should probably not be neglected. Anthropologists also began to note the positive effects of marking birthdays, since it helped the kid feel accepted in society and understand the general passage of time.

Image credits: halfpoint (not the actual photo)

The person in this story shared that she finally went against her parents’ orders for her 13th birthday. She noted that many of her friends had sizable celebrations to mark becoming a teen and she wanted the same. Children are particularly sensitive to certain age markers, like becoming a teen, or turning 16, 18 or even 21. These ages stand as barriers to certain privileges, like driving, drinking and having general independence. As a result, kids attach a significance to these particular days that might elude an adult who no longer cares. After all, once you’re in your mid-twenties, you probably prefer to not think about aging anymore.

Kids need birthday celebrations to feel like they are a part of society

Young children sometimes even believe that the birthday party itself is what makes you age. The most creative will consider having multiple, consecutive parties to age faster. But in reality, party or no party, your age increases regardless. Even so, because children and even teens attach such importance to these dates, not observing them, even with a small, symbolic party, can still cause increased stress levels, since they do not get the closure of ‘finishing’ the previous age category. Simultaneously, they don’t experience the ‘ritual’ of entering the next category. Part of this involves peers and others in their group ‘witnessing’ their transition, between, say, teenagehood and adulthood.

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Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)

So by denying their child any parties, the parents in this story are stopping her from getting any closure for her childhood and making her feel ostracized from her peers. Gift receiving is also an important part of any birthday celebration. And who doesn’t like a gift? But as adults, ultimately, we can and generally do buy ourselves things we want and need. But a child, particularly a younger child, has no such agency. They have to rely on others for everything, including gifts. Children already are prone to comparing themselves endlessly to their peers and will feel significant distress if they feel like they are inferior.

Commenters shared support for the teen and agreed that she was in no way at fault

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