I'd remove the earrings and make sure the grandparents see the unadorned ears the next time they visit.

I think it was right not to cut off contact forever, but not being allowed to have alone-time with the child is the least thing the grandparents should have anticipated. What were they thinking??

I got my ears pierced as a baby since in Spain it was done by default. I never wore earrings because i am allergic to most of them. But I am 31yo and the holes are still open and will never heal. I hate them.

I mean, they stabbed the child twice.

Agreed with the posters who said no. The grandparents were given explicit instructions and then they completely disregarded them. You simply can't trust people like that, no matter if the action was perceived as "slight". Plus, the grandparents showed complete disrespect to the parents of the baby.

Grandparents awnt a baby to play with and dress up? Buy 'em a doll. Not okay to do this. IMO.

"We stopped talking to them after that for disrespecting our decision." -> You stoppd talking to them after they allowed your baby to be assaulted. I would press charges against the person who did the piercing and against them as accessories. There is little difference between a tiny ear piercing and breaking someone's bones when there is no consent!

Report the old fools and their friend to the police for assault and bodily harm and never let them near the child again. Their next idea might be that female genital mutilation would look cute on her and I'm sure they'll find a friend to do it.

Big fat NTA.

Legally speaking, the parents are the ones who have the say over any invasive procedure being done. Piercing is an invasive procedure. Without their permission it is an assault, no matter who does it. Maybe explain that fact to the grandparents and because of that, for the foreseeable future the visits will not happen without one of you there because you cannot trust them. You can always take the earrings out and let the holes close over. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. With that, maybe they will learn the lesson about "No!" Means "No!". You are the parents and they're not.

That is a massive betrayal of trust. Also altering the kid's look without consent is just bad. Also that kind of enforces old-school gender role things. With those principles alone, the parents should be mad and disappointed in their elders who've done this. Ear piercings are indeed painful, and infants do feel the same level of pain as adults. What if the kid has an allergic reaction to the metals used? Or if it got infected? That can cause even more pain and issue. Piercings are a serious deal since the skin is cut. THE SKIN IS CUT! Heck I have piercings and I remember that they are uncomfortable for the first 6 weeks of healing even with proper cleaning and care procedures (got a few ear piercings from teen to adult years). My folks never enforced gender role stuff or stuff like that without consent. We learn to appreciate what we have, piercings aren't what defines our beauty. :(

The issue here is boundaries. It's not even so much about the ear piercing. It's that you as parents specifically stated that your daughter was not getting her ears pierced and they went and did it behind your back. Next time, what will it be? Riding a four-wheeler without a helmet? "Tasting" some alcohol? Helping grandpa put in some electrics? Letting her swim in the sea without an adult? If they think they can do whatever they want, they WILL do whatever they want, and therefore cannot be trusted as childminders or caregivers.

No, nta. I had my earrings pierced when I was a baby, and I'm really glad my parents did that, but I know a handful of people that would not have wanted their ears pierced at all. You should let the baby grow up so they can make their own decision.

Where did they find these friends and acquaintances that all agree it's their fault vs. the grandparents?? Every reply online says the opposite, "NTA"!

Short and to the point.....A BIG NO NO !! remove the stud and the hole will close up..

Absolutely agree with the baby's parents. I never left my daughter alone with anyone except her dad until she was about 6 years old. She asked to have her ears pierced at 6, but doesn't wear earrings anymore. My in-laws (now ex) were hideous people with no redeeming qualities; left with her they would have fed her the same garbage they fed their son. MIL even wanted me to give up breastfeeding so she could feed the baby "properly" with a bottle of formula.

NTA - what else might they do against the parents wishes? Making an alteration to her body for 'cuteness' is bad, and if they can't that they've done wrong, they may do worse in future. Any rule the parents make that the grandparents dislike, they will be able to come up with sufficient (to them) justification for circumventing, particularly if they think they won't get caught. Maybe this means having her baptised behind their back (mostly harmless) maybe it means exposing her to diseases before she's vaccinated to 'build her immune system' (potentially fatal). They've broken trust. Imagine if it were a babysitter - you'd never trust them with your kid again. Why should you trust the grandparents? Supervised visits only.

It's not punishment, it's consequence. They demonstrated that they cannot be trusted alone with the child, so they are no longer trusted alone with the child.

I know a lot of parents do that here in Texas, but I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13 or 14. What's even scarier is that they had a *friend* do it. They knew they didn't qualify as guardians, so instead of going to even a shopping mall, they had someone they knew do it in unsanitary conditions. Those grandparents are lucky they're EVER seeing that baby (and probably any other grandbaby) again!

My parents didn't pierce my ears. I never knew why, all the other girls had earrings, but it wasn't a really big issue for me. When I was 12 or 13, I asked my dad to get my ears pierced, and he took me. No problem. As a kid, I never understood why I grew up without pierced ears, but now I totally get it and I understand these parents' frustration. The grandparents definitely crossed a line.

The Grandparents were in the wrong. They should've accepted your parenting style and choice. But no. No wonder you don't want them near your baby

THIS WAS NO ONE'S DECISION TO MAKE, NO ONE'S, BUT THE PARENT'S THEMSELVES. ONLY!

I’d be enraged that my parents did this behind my back! Decades ago, the church I attended didn’t believe in cutting a females hair. I left my infant daughter in the care of my in-laws and my ex-husband and I went on vacation. We left explicit instruction for them not to cut her hair even though we knew that’s what my mother-in-law wanted to do. When we came back from our short three day vacation, we saw our daughter’s hair was cut. I was livid! It was the only time my daughter ever spent the night with her grandparents. Don’t feel bad regarding your decision. You can always change your mind later. I was your age when this happened to me. Older parents always think they know best. I’m now 65 and my daughter is 40!

My sister's friend got my niece's ears pierced at the mall. My sister was planning on doing that the next month, but still. They've remained friends, but she's not allowed to take my niece places alone anymore. Who knows what the next "executive decision" will be?!

I would have taken the bloody thing out of her ears in front of my parent, and stamp on he bloody things to destroy them, then tell my parents to get out and stay out!

They basically maimed the child by doing that, now she has pierced ears whether she wants them or not. They also went behind the parents back even after being told no. You should have called the police on them, they abused and assaulted the child, and should never see that child again. They cannot be trusted.

These parents are absolutely and completely in the right. It's also completely correct that these grandparents are not to be trusted until they (and the rest of the family) get over themselves. Family is so important, especially for new parents. A friend of mine, who was an amazng single Mom, always says it is true that it takes a village. So having grandparents who want to help and support is huge. But they need to remember while they might get to share their point of view, the final decisions are made by the parents of the child. These grandparents don't get to take over. Period.

The grandparents are totally out of line. I would make sure the child is NEVER left with them for ANY reason. They needed to take the earrings out the minute they found them. The holes would eventually grow back over. It would leave a small indention though that might never go away. My wife, now 68, decided to have hers pierced when she found out that jewelry makers just were not making "clasp" type earrings anymore. She was probably close to 40 when she got her ears pierced. She had asked me about it and my response was, "If that is what YOU want to do, then go ahead". It was close to her birthday when her ears healed and for her birthday, I bought her a nice pair of diamond stud earrings to celebrate both occasions.

I hope they pulled out those godawful earrings and let the poor thing heal up.

Outrageous! What piercings today, and nail extensions and breast augmentation tomorrow? You could, as someone suggested, take the earrings out, but you would still be left with ugly holes. That was totally out of order. So sad that you cannot trust your own parents. Never ieave your child with them unattended. The other people siding against you,vare not your friends either. They should either support your decision, or stay totally neutral.

You're right. They broke your trust.

it would be a long time before i would let them have the child alone. my mom didn't do anything as drastic as physically change my son. after he was old enough to spend the summer with her and my dad, i was happy for them to have him all to themselves. they were well aware of my spiritual desires for him. upon his first night home, he proceeded to pray a catholic prayer before dinner which totally shocked me; i'm jewish and mom is devout catholic (dad not pushy about religion.) instead of embarking on confusing him further i left it alone but let her know i was not happy. she also influenced him to attend catholic school & paid the tuition. he's 42 now...and an atheist. thanks, mom. (p.s...still love and miss you, mom.)