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It's a well-known fact that some birds throw their babies out of the nest to hone their flying skills and build up strength, to help them make it on their own in this big, cruel world of ours.

The same survival tactic, it turns out, is also used by our fellow humans. However, considering that mother nature doesn't have a fluctuating economy and eye-watering student debts, it's only fitting that not everyone will approve of parents kicking their kids out as soon as they turn 18.

So, to understand what the general consensus is on this age-old rite of passage, someone asked the r/AskReddit community "What do you think of the parents that kick their kids out as soon as they have turned 18 years old?" Of course, the responses were as mixed-bag and as thought-provoking as always.

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#1

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 They're not Italian, that's for sure.

Here in Italy, when the "child" is finally ready to leave the house at the age of 35, the family gets together to bid them a tearful goodbye... before they move 1km away from their parent's house.

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In a world where adulthood is supposed to beckon independence and self-sufficiency, what happens when your own flesh and blood refuses to take flight? When, if ever, can you pull the plug on their cozy existence?

While the age of 18 might mark the end of a child's legal childhood, it's a murky path to navigate from there. Sure, in the bygone days, this wasn't such a big deal when young adults could live well from a single paycheck from McDonald's - an idea that is as baffling to current generations, as it still is achievable, according to some out-of-touch parents. Parents, then, find themselves torn between their obligations to provide a nurturing home and the growing frustration of having a child who shows no interest in venturing into the real world.
#2

My parents are foster parents (they’re my bio parents but they’ve been doing foster care all my 30 years of life) and they don’t kick out the foster kids when they turn 18.

When children’s aid stops supporting them (usually at 18) my parents step up and help the kids until they can comfortably move out or until they want to. They have a 25 yr old still living with them because she fears abandonment and my parents don’t want her to leave lol. They love each other.

My parents helped out over 20 kids throughout my life to try to become successful human beings, no matter how long it takes. Many of them are still in contact with us. We took them in and loved them.

How can parents who raised their own children kick them out just because they reached “adult” status. I just don’t get it lol.

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As today's discussion proves, there comes a point when many parents believe that turning a blind eye to their pleas for continued support might seem harsh at first, but pays off in the end. Although, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution, as Carl E Pickhardt, a Harvard-trained psychologist-parenting expert and the author of 'Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence,' reminds us.

"The child’s transition through the 10-to-12-year coming-of-age passage that we call 'adolescence' is not only the harder half of growing up," Pickhardt told Bored Panda, "it is also the harder half of parenting as more youthful separation, differentiation, and opposition now make the parent/child relationship more complicated and challenging for all parties."
#3

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 It's trashy behavior and bad parenting. Your role as a parent doesn't suddenly expire when your child turns 18. It also shows an unhealthy relationship to your child, as if they were some kind of burden that you're counting down to be rid of. Now, if a kid goes to college or something and moves out at 18? Different story. But children should always feel that they have a place in their family's home, regardless of their age or what life might throw at them.

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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Preach. I think it is sickening. Cousin kicked out two daughters but not the son.

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#4

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Kicking out your kid as soon as you're legally allowed to do so tells me you wanted them out of the house even earlier and the only reason you didn't do it is because you didn't want to be arrested.

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James Howell
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My poor Momma was booted at 17. Yes, she was a high school graduate{she started 1st grade at 4 1/2} .The day of her graduation, was her last day at home. It changed the trajectory of her life. She met my dad, got pregnant the first time and had to marry him. He was an abusive monster to her and I. I took her out the day I graduated. We rebuilt her life while I started mine. She's in a facility now due to the constant head trauma. Some members of my family have trown in my face the shame of her " running of and getting married" The person that said this wasn't born until 7 yrs after the fact. My mother's life was ruined by that selfish decision . Too may children, and catholic guilt, shame, etc. It still messes with my mind... My Beloved Mother. Please reconsider if thinking about having children if you're not ready for the long haul.

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#5

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I work in homeless services, focusing on transitional aged youth between 18 and 24 who have been in the foster care system or Probation camp. The amount of youth who I have worked with who get kicked out at 18 is disgusting. As soon as they turn 18, the checks for fostering youth stop and the foster parents no longer feel incentivized to house these youths, regardless of the bonds formed. So out you go to make room for another paycheck to come in.

To top it off, neither the foster parents nor the system prepare these youths for the reality ahead. They are extremely financially illiterate and have no idea how to navigate life. It's so sad and depressing.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you and all the good people working in social services! Foster youth need all the help. If anyone in the US wants to volunteer, look up your local TAY or CASA office.

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In the past, this bump-and-stumble approach might have worked just fine, as Pickhardt explains. However, in the present era, characterized by its intricate and rapidly evolving landscape, this method exposes young individuals to greater risks and potential harm.

In Australia, for example, over 44,000 children and young individuals find themselves in the challenging circumstances of out-of-home care. And while it's not fair to compare out-of-home care children with ones that live in the nest of their guardians, a distressing report by the Australian Housing and Research Institute has revealed that within a year after being kicked out of state care in Victoria, half of the 400 young individuals find themselves without a home, falling victim to the harsh grip of homelessness. And that must be telling something.
#6

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I got kicked out of my mom's house at 15 because my mom was a headcase, and my OCD went off the scale because of the mental abuse. Dad didn't want to take me in and told me so, but my stepmom forced his hand. The day I graduated HS, my stuff was on the lawn with the locks changed.

Then I had to live with years of angry messages on the answering machine, 'How come you never call?!?! Why do you hate our family?!?!'

I even got accused last week by a family member that I made the whole thing up when she was trying to tell me that I'm a bad person for ignoring my mom. The level of the narcissism of some people is unbelievable.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

" The day I graduated HS, my stuff was on the lawn with the locks changed." That is just cruel. And to be so dumb to think you did nothing wrong and you don't know why the OP wants nothing to do with their family

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#7

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 A girl from my class came home after our grad night party to find two garbage bags with her stuff in them. They didn't even tie it so when it rained that night it filled up the bags with water and destroyed her laptop, pictures, and clothing.
Her parents showed up at her house last year on Independence Day because their house burned down from a firework mishap. I'm told the husband just asked them to leave. Oh, and I should add they didn't have insurance on the home so they were pretty much screwed.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Serves them right. I don't have kids by choice, but I don't get why have a child if you're going to do this

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#8

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 It's their right, but I disagree with it.

I was kicked out the day I turned 17. I lived out of my car for 3 months while working fast food and completing my senior year. I would've probably dropped out had it not been for my best friends dad. He found out about the situation and forced me to move in with them. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He had recently got divorced because his stay at home wife was cheating on him. Because they had a spare bedroom and I was friends with both his sons that lived with him, he told me "It's just us guys living there and having fun. You stay until you finish school. After that, you can pay $100 a month in rent until you decide what to do. Don't argue with me."

The man's a saint. I wouldn't have been able to keep going to school without him, and he knew it. He's a guy who had to drop out to work back in the day to support his family. He got his GED and clawed his way up to head engineer at a factory so he could afford a nice home for his wife and kids. He bought a nice two story home that he barely got to stay in for a women who didn't appreciate him. The man even came home every single day and cooked meals for us to make sure we'd eat.

In the middle of fighting a divorce, trying to get custody of both of his kids, and keep the house he paid for, he took me in, adding to the stress. He did that for me just because I was friends with his sons. If I ever get rich, that man is getting an early retirement and a comfortable home wherever he chooses. If that man can do all that for someone that isn't his child, parents have no excuse for not helping their own kids out.

Edit: I had no idea this would blow up this much...thank you, everyone. I just wanted to answer some questions that are being asked.

This was years ago and I still bump into them from time to time, but we've all drifted apart in these years due to adult lives being... busy, lol. I still talk to them every once and a while. They are still my friends and I can hit them all up any time I wanted to. I still play Xbox with the sons a few times a year. I always make sure to have them tell their dad thank you for me. I had a serious heartfelt talk with him about a year after I graduated and moved out. I still think about that man nearly every day of my life.

As for my family, I was not a perfect child at all and I have some blame. The thing is, I honestly feel I never would have been the way I was in my later teen years had they been more accepting of myself and my lifestyle. I saw my other friends being able to come to their parents and talk to them without fear of judgement from them, or God. Ultimately, religion is the reason I was kicked out. They are strict southern Baptist.

I did cut my parents out of my life for three years after I was kicked out. They never contacted me for the first year. They tried to reconnect after the first year, but I have them two more years of silence. I let them back in my life, but on my terms. It was easy to make my demands considering I didn't need them anymore. We now have a healthy relationship. We can finally look each other in the eyes and be honest. I no longer fear their judgement, that's honestly the ingredient we were missing in our relationship.

I now spend a decent amount of time with my father and mother. It's funny, my dad and I actually have long conversations about our different ideologies and beliefs. We even poke fun at each other about it. It's nice, considering I never actually was able to connect with him much growing up. I'm the first male in the past 5 generations of my family that didn't become a southern Baptist pastor. I think my father sees it as opportunity to understand how people living a different life than him are. And i see it as an opportunity to better understand why he did what he did. A lesson i had to learn the hard way is that it's better to seek understanding than to live with hate in your heart. He respects me and I respect him.

It was hard for my mom at first. She comes from a small town of 300 people where everyone goes to church happily and believes anything their parents tell them. She would be abrasive with me at first when I would talk about how I drink, or live with my girlfriend. Hell, she still does from time to time, but my father always nudges her into calming down.

Edit 2: I keep seeing people say "it's not their right" which I understand, but it's not really an argument worth pursuing. As a 17 year old who just got kicked out, I didn't want to get the police involved. That meant either I move to a foster home an hour or two away, and then lose my friends as well as my family. That or they force my parents to take me back and life just gets worse. I was happier living in my car. As scary as it is being a kid on your own, it was better than the alternatives.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. I'm so glad the friend's father got involved. A former colleague's brother took in three sisters as each one turned 18 and was kicked out by their mother. The oldest helped support her two younger sisters and did fine. No contact with the biological mother. Not surprised that this man preferred living in his car - some teenagers leave difficult situations because it's emotionally easier to be homeless.

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"I believe in providing young people for adulthood with responsible self-management preparation in the adolescent years; not simply 'forcing' them into adulthood at age 18 with abandonment," Pickhardt explained. The approach he suggests for preparing young individuals for adulthood involves parents establishing a form of agreement, commonly known as a "freedom contract."

This type of preparation for adulthood, rooted in evidence-based parenting, operates on the principle of mutual understanding. "You demonstrate the behaviors we expect from you, and in turn, you are more likely to receive what you desire from us," he said. The 'contract' encompasses key provisions such as providing accurate information, honoring commitments, taking responsibility for choices, fostering mutual support, engaging in open discussions, and communicating with courtesy and respect.
#9

I've never met anyone who does this and is also a decent human being. They're always like "kids gotta learn to stand on their own two feet, I don't care if my kid is homeless and gets assaulted, life's not fair lol, pull yourself up by your bootstraps like I did when my dad gave me a company in 1973"

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know someone who practiced this ( my opinion ) horrible custom. He kicked each of his 5 kids out at the age of 18 to fend for themselves. I never thought much of him.

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#10

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Great candidates for a nursing home in their later years.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they kick the child out, they have no one to arrange for the nursing home. They end up dead on the floor for 2 weeks found by a welfare check

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#11

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 They are terrible parents who will likely end up in a state-run nursing home.

If you have a child your goal is to make sure your child has every tool to succeed in life before they go out on their own regardless if that is 18, 23, 25+

My plan is once my child hits 18 i will ask them to pay me a small "rent" amount (like 20% of a normal 1bed apartment rent) monthly but I will be putting it all into a separate bank account and once they decide it's time to move out I'll give all of it back to them as a gift. They will always have a place to stay with me if things get tough as well.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a brilliant idea, I like that one. Will discuss doing that for my boys with my wife

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By meeting these expectations, the teenager increases the likelihood of receiving reciprocal treatment. The contract underscores the importance of actions over empty promises, creating a foundation for accountability and a balanced relationship - values that hold great importance as young adults navigate their path in the vast and complex world.

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"The preparation for adulthood I propose is parents holding young people in their care accountable to some variation of the 'freedom contract' as they grow through adolescence," a child's most impactful years, Pickhardt suggested.
#12

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 My bf got kicked out at 18 and his parents literally said to his face "Since you were an accident and we didn't mean to have you, we need you out of the house now so we can actually relax like we used to before you were born."

Anyway, I think extremely badly of them.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Anyway, I think extremely badly of them." Gee, I can't imagine why...

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#13

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Welp...

I was kicked out at 16 and again at 18.

My mother had no ambitions for work and decided the low to zero income way of life was a good choice to raise three kids. (Addictions and mental disorders ofc).

Anyhow, she demanded 500 dollars per month from me, while I was in highschool. At the time, a full time job at minimum wage would net you about 300 bi weekly.

Needless to say I first had to drop out of school to woro full time to pay her that.

Eventually I got back into school, cut back on (and quit) jobs until I was part time and could actually attend school.

This cause money to stop coming in.

This caused her to be angry.

This caused me to become homeless.

So now when she asks for help, or simply wants to talk to me, and I dont reply... Well, there you go.

(There were many other things involved, but if you are a d**k to your kids, they will be a d**k to you when they are adults. Rightfully so.)

(Yes, I am now a parent, and no, under no circumstances would I do what she did).

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#14

Guy in my graduating class had that happen to him. He came back from Project Graduation the next morning and his father had put all his stuff on the front lawn. First day out of High School and kicked out of the house, not 12 hours after receiving your diploma.

Bobby went on to college, got his degree, and got married to his HS sweetheart, and moved into a large house in the biggest city in our state, and works high up in one of the hospitals downtown Louisville KY. When his Mother passed away, she left a good chunk of money to Bobby and his brother, whom daddy did the same way 4 years later. Father got cancer 6 months after his wife passed, ended up in the hospital, and Bobby and his brother let their father lose his house to the bank. Bobby bought it on the courthouse steps, bulldozed it, and split the new property in half, giving it to the neighbors on both sides of the now empty lot, who let Bobby and later his brother live in their basements for a time while they each figured out what to do. Daddy stayed in the hospital and when released, had to go to a half-way house sponsored by the VA, because neither Bobby or his brother would let him move in, and he had no siblings to speak of.

I know this because my Mom graduted with Bobby's dad, and for some reason thought I should know the details of their lives....

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#15

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Brother was out before 18 and I was out at 18, and my dad didn't even have a funeral.

Should tell you about all you need to know about parents who kick their kids out asap.

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#16

I cut all ties after they kicked me out. They both died young. My life was rough for a while but it all turned out okay.

And now I’m the adult, and my oldest is 20. He’s still at home rent-free while he pursues his career and education. I’ll do the same for the other four.

We bought a new house when my oldest was 19 and we specifically made sure he had a room where he could feel comfortable to stay here and have his own space.

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#17

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 They're fools, selfishly setting up their children for a life of unnecessary hardship and struggle.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Considering how this "great" country treats the homeless like vermin, these heartless ogres prove that they do not love their own children.

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#18

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Wasn't even a discussion, somehow I turned 18 and was given a plane ticket voucher and nothing else. Not a cent, no advice on how to adult, no real direction. So I couch surfed instead until I found work. Then moved away.

My 18-25 was nothing but a struggle. I genuinely can't remember any point during that time where I felt like I had a handle on life whatsoever.

And now I just don't talk to them anymore, it's been years. I've had family come to me with the "they're your parents they did the best they could" b******t.

It just sucks, knowing that your parents don't love you.

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#19

“You’re 18, you’re on your own. Don’t ask us for anything , because we don’t owe you any more support“

… 20+ years later…

“I know we made it clear that we won’t do anything to help you, but now that you’re successful and have something that WE want (grandchild), we’re willing to amend that agreement so that family is super important to us. It’s so lonely after we drove everyone away!

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Yea...about that, how about you just take a flying-f**k off of a short pier ?"

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#20

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Was one of those kids, haven't spoken to my "parents" in over 10 years.

Have no intention on speaking to them any time in the future either.

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#21

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 It’s terrible! My fiancé’s birthday is the 26th of December - a day after Christmas. On his 18th birthday he was told by his father he was now an adult and had to go. No warning or anything. He had to move into his car that same week. And yet, 25 years later, his father has the audacity to continuously ask us for money to pay his bills.

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#22

That they have made a very poor choice and are damaging their relationship with that child, as well as potentially damaging that child's mental health. It's traumatic for the young person.

As a therapist, I haven't ever come across this happening as a parenting issue in isolation. What I mean by that is that the same parents who kick their kids out at 18 are usually neglectful before they turn 18.

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#23

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I feel this is especially cruel post 2005.

Back in the 90’s it was probably way easier to survive.

I’m from LA and a guy I met once said that in the 70’s you could actually live on your own with a job at McDonald’s.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true. I turned 18 in 1988 and it was a source of pride to be able to support oneself at that age…something aspired to. But economic conditions were very different than today. I can’t see how that’s realistic anymore.

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#24

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I can’t imagine having to deal with that. My Dad lost a place to live at his parents’ house for the summer his last year of college and luckily my Mom’s parents let him stay in their basement. From what my parents told me my Dad was devastated by this.

My parents’ rule was we would have a place to stay without paying rent as long as we were in school or after we graduated while we were getting our first job. I really appreciated their support and not needing to worry about housing during the summers while I was in college. Will be doing the same with my 3 kids.

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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the whole point of parenting, to not kick your chicks out of the nest before they're able to fly really well on their own. To let your kids launch on their own when they're able to do so successfully. PLUS, should they endure any hardships (layoffs, long-term illness, injuries that prevent then from working, substantial loss of household income through divorce or death of a spouse, etc), if you as parents are able to accommodate them, let them come back home, at least until they're back on their feet. You're supposed to love your children, and want the best for them. Part of loving them is making sure they're able to live decently before they go out on their own.

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#25

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 They should have bought a dog of they want the thing gone by 18.

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BEATRICE SIEGEL
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with this, but now the thought of a dog being in the care of people like that makes me sad.

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#26

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Dad didn't want to have kids. Once we were 7 or 8 years old, my mother pretended to still like us but she didn't seem to (had more independent personalities). I believe that many past generations had children more out of obligation than out of a genuine desire to be parents for the rest of their lives.

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whatever
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of people are figuring out that the whole "kid thing" is actually an "option" and not a "requirement" like some people made it out to be.

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#27

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 They’re setting up their kids for failure. Harsh, but true. I’m no kids by choice but if I ever were to have a kid, I’d do my best to provide the best for them. What that means in this situation (I live in a HCOL PNW city) is that I’d make it known to my kid that they’re more than welcome to stay at home while going to college & working so they can save up $ instead of paying off someone else’s mortgage via rent. Rent for an old one bedroom in my city goes for $2000-2200; best to stay home and save up equity.

EDIT: It also speaks to the type of parent these people are. Parenting doesn’t suddenly stop at 18. This is also a particularly Canadian/American thing, whereas immigrant and/or first-generational families typically have multigenerational households.

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Ronna Black
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not sure about the Canadian comment. I lived at home until I was 23, moving out with a friend who had just graduated Uni. Both sets of parents assisted financially when needed, thankfully was not often. None of my friends or family were ever kicked out after high school. Some paid rent to their parents, some didn’t. My Dad lived with his parents until he married at 25 and he and my mom moved into my grandparent’s basement apartment. Maybe all the people I knew were just raised by caring families, but I don’t know that kicking kids to the curb at 18 is a North American thing.

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#28

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I went to school with some people like that. Immediately kicked out at 18. How can they expect to continue their education when the now have to immediately start making enough for food and shelter. Inevitably, most got married and divorced or at least pregnant young too.

Now 20 years later the ones I’m friends with on Facebook are continuing the vicious cycle by kicking their kids out at 18.

Come on bro, give them a chance. And you complain your family doesn’t have generational wealth. This is why.

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Xenia Harley
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having worked in a community college, it screws the kids up for financial aid, too, if parents are uncooperative. You have to be 22, I think, until you can use your own income as a guide. I cannot tell you how many kids tried to go to college, but had no way to get basic info from parents' income tax forms for FAFSA forms. Parents can be cruel and awful.

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#29

I think they're bad parents. They clearly don't understand what the world is like for recent high school grads, they're selfish and want their home back and don't want to keep feeding and housing their kid, and/or they didn't raise a self-sufficient child ready to try fending for themselves.

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Steve Robert
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents loved it when I'd spend summers at home during college, while saving up money for the school year.

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#30

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 I used to think they were all horrible, no exceptions until I married a guy that was kicked out by his parents. After living with him for 15 years, it made me question how they lived with him for 18.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They didn't "live with him for 18", they "had 18 years to create him".

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#31

My older brother was a complete narcissistic a*****e. He would hit me often and told me, if I told my parents, he would kill me. He was constantly causing problems with my parents. My Father told him that on his 18 birthday, he could have breakfast in the house, but his lunch was going to be on the front porch in a paper bag, so pack a suitcase. My Father was true to his word. One of the greatest days of my life.

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#32

Dad kicked me out at 16, and I haven’t spoken to him in like two and a half years. My mom and I text once every other month at the most. And I moved across the country the day I turned 18 and never looked back.

If you are a parent and you want a relationship with your kids, they need to know they are safe with you and that they have a place in your home. Kicking them out won't teach them that.

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#33

Why have kids if you're just going to be done with them after a certain point?

Like, I understand some people need a harsh nudge, and that they will have to learn at somepoint to live without you, but isn't it a better testament to your parenting for your children to be able to leave on their own accord and flourish, without you having to kick them out?

If you're just waiting, counting down the years, until it's _legally_ allowed to no longer care for someone, then why do it at all? Why have kids in the first place?

It really is no wonder why most elderly get carted off to the nearest nursing home, when most of them did this to their kids.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 57. Hubby and I live with my parents. They took us in after my cancer and have supported us through his heart attack and stroke. Mom is 77, dad is 74. I'll care for them as long as they live

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#34

This thread is giving me closure.

Thought I was a d**khead for feeling the way I do.

Had to pay half my salary after I turned 18 to my parents to rent the room I lived in for free until then. Still treated like a child though and still do all my chores. The amount was equivalent to renting my own small apartment, but idiot me did not realise at the time.
When I left that job, because I had ambition for something more, I got kicked out at age 20 with his exact words: “I don’t know what to do with you. Go.”
Left for the city and mostly didn’t have a place to sleep, no food, nothing. Fortunately I could crash at my girlfriends place (now wife).

Put myself through uni part time and now an accountant. I have basically no contact with my family anymore.

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#35

I was out at 18. Didn’t feel parents didn’t want me it was just their culture and that expectation was always set for me. Didn’t go to college since they wouldn’t have anything to do with the required info for student loans (since I was on my own). In case you didn’t know Federal loans require disclosure of parents income until you are 25 years old.
Well it made me tough and independent. I’m successful now but I will be more gracious to my child.
As to how I feel about my parents, well after my dad died my mom couldn’t handle life alone so she asked if she could live with me. I slept on it and told her yes she could live out her days with me. Weeks later she was diagnosed with cancer and died within 3 months. She never did live with me but I had decided to be gracious to her.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you for deciding to be gracious to her. It shows that you have a good heart and you don't seek revenge.

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#36

I graduated fifth in my class academically, placed in states in sports my junior and senior year, and held a part-time job on weekends. Sometimes I’d get home at midnight after a tournament and then work my job at 5 AM the next day.

I was kicked out less than two weeks after turning 18, started college two months later after couch surfing, and now my parents and I rarely talk. They still can’t figure out why they don’t see their grandkids often.

I mean, not being conceited, but what the f**k else was I suppose to be doing not to get kicked out?

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#37

Anyone who kicks their kid out for reasons related to age(to a point), gender, or sexuality, doesn't deserve to hear from their kid ever again. With the exception of if that kid is 35 and the parent is going "Honey I love you but you need to find your own place to live."

If the kid got kicked out because they're a criminal, are violent or abusive, or are doing hard drugs / have an alcohol addiction that they don't want to correct... Well, sometimes you have to prioritize your own safety.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But kicking them out should still be a last resort, after attempting to get them help. If they don't want help and are destructive (mentally or physically) then yes, by all means, have the police escort them out. But as a parent I would still do everything in my power to help first

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#38

It's a 'depends on the circumstances' answer.

If the kid is a violent psychopath, or utterly unwilling to follow the reasonable houserules, is disruptive and generally a total arsehole, then that may well be reasonable.

If it's 'you're 18, there's the door' that isn't.

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#39

I'd say it depends on where you're from.

In Norway your parents dont kick you out when you turn 18, but you're for sure expected to move out after highschool. And with that said I don't know a single norwegian person my age (now early 30s) that wasn't excited at the prospect of moving away and starting uni or whatever they were doing.
It does tend to come with the expectation that your home will always be there if you need it though.

Honestly a norwegian person above age 23 that still lived at home would face some serious judgement from peers. Its seen as being codependent, immature and lazy. (Unless its for a short period of time while you sort stuff out)

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#40

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 Generally speaking I'd say those parents don't understand the reality of the current economic landscape and that unless they made a herculean effort, they probably didn't set their kid up properly to do well. Not to mention that during most of history and in the vast majority of cultures, leaving home at 18 just was not a thing. You generally stayed at home until you married, whatever age that may be, and even after you might still live with your parents or even if you have your own home you'd be very closely connected, often still working the same land together etc.

The idea that people are supposed to move out at 18 and make it on their own (when theyre still 4-6 year from full mental development btw) is by far the exception rather than the rule historically.

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#41

I was raised by a single father. He wasn’t the best. He always told me “I’m kicking your a*s out of the house for your 18th birthday”. He said it my whole life. Out of spite, I told myself I would start planning for college and a job and an apartment and work toward it all through high school so it wouldn’t catch me off guard.

Imagine my displeasure when he went to prison at the beginning of my freshman year and I had to figure all that s**t out 3 years earlier than I’d expected. Imagine further that you didn’t find out until you were 18 that he opened multiple accounts (phone numbers, electricity accounts, water, etc) and never paid them off or told anybody after he went to prison and just expected it all to work itself out somehow. It didn’t. It f****d me out of student loans with reasonable interest rates. It f****d me out of getting a cell phone until I was 22. My credit is still dogs**t.

F**k you, dad.

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#42

“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18 It depends on the kid. We kicked out our daughter because she became violent and attacked my wife. Our son is welcome to stay until he is ready to leave.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still think it would be better to seek help for your daughter and resolve the violence issue, than just kick her out and make the inner problem bigger

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#43

My parents hate me. Literally can’t stand the sight of me. But they still let me live at their place. If your parents kick you out in 2023 they should be arrested. It’s no minimum wage job that will cover rent out here anymore. Your doomed to struggle and live check to check if you do move out and don’t make $20hr at least.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry that your parents hate you. But am glad they are letting you still live with them.

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#44

If they say they are doing it for their own good, then they're clueless as to what it looks like out there for most people these days... Rent is crazy, pay isn't enough for most menial entry-level jobs...

Instead, I'd say if they want to teach a young adult to adult, give realistic chores, make them pay a little bit of rent (but still allow them to save), help them budget, teach them to discount grocery shop, help them meal plan, etc etc...

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately that would require the bad parents to actually parent.

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#45

My mum kicked me out at 16, When I got advice to go on a independent youth benefit, they had to contact my mum to basically say she didn't want me. She turned round and said that I can come back whenever I want. So I was denied financial support. Then I found out she had moved to another Island. I don't talk to her much.

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#46

My mom did it to me, and I'm thankful she did. 2 weeks after my 18th I was a highschool dropout with no job or future plans. Woke up one morning to her yelling at me to get out.

Kinda the kick in the a*s I needed. Lived in my car for a month and now almost 10 years later I got my GED, have a good job, a house, and a family.

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#47

I still find it hard to understand why they kick them out at 18. They're barely out of school and most of them are not even prepared for the world.
Do they magically mature and gain every skill needed to survive at 18? The animosity towards their own kids is just so appalling.

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#48

They are c***s.

I had to move out at 18 or I could live there until my Mormon mission started shortly after. I ended up working two jobs while in high school so I’d have money to move out. My parents thought I was saving for my mission. I ended up not finishing high school and I signed a lease that started the day after my birthday. They dropped me off at my new place and complained about what a hassle it was for them to drive 25 minutes to my new place.

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#49

I was one.

It was different times, 2007 I think, I was born 1989 so you can do the math on when I was 18.

I knew I would be out, it was made clear to us from a young age we had a home until we were 18. Coming up to my 18th birthday they'd start asking where I was going.

I worked at a supermarket for a few years prior and saved like mad. I couldn't get a rental house because I had no rental history but they were giving the first home buying awake at around 15k and you were allowed to use it as you deposit.

I went into a broker and found if I left school and went full time at the supermarket I could get approved for 215k. So I did, because I had to.

i brought a house in a s****y area and got stuck working at the supermarket for over 10 years. Inevitably I became a single mother in that time.

I found out about rates and water the hard way. The first few years I lived without furniture or food.

I am bitter I didn't get to go to uni. I am trapped in low paying jobs and I've managed to get out of the horrible home and s****y area through marriage. I was doing all of my pre tertiary subjects at college and was on my way to be the first person in the family to go to college in any generation.

It's not a position I'd put my kids through, I want the best for them. As the last child of 5 I don't think my parents wanted me much. My mum still tells me shed never have 5 kids if she could have a do over.

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#50

My parents were divorced for at least a decade before I turned 18. But my dad was still trying to force my mom to kick me out at 18 with no place to live. This was interesting considering my dad's mom bought him a house to live in after he turned 18. I swear the guy wanted to make my life as miserable as he could even though his parents spoiled him. He still rubs in my face how much my grandparents gave him while refusing to give me a penny AND expecting me to feel sorry for him. Have to love narcissistic alcoholics and the never ending mindset of a selfish 16 year old in a boomers body.

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#51

One parent wouldn't let me live with them and i rarely saw him. The other made me pay rent (200) and my car insurance, but refused to let me go until I'm ready alongside her "husband" (boyfriend and the one who really truly raised me and is my father) guess who is currently no contact and has nothing in common with his son and who is currently living with me because shes disabled? Sure as hell ain't the sperm donor. Unfortunately my mom and her boyfriend parted on good terms, but I see him twice a month. So i think ill emulate my mom and my stepfather.

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#52

It's lazy, no effort parenting employed by sociopaths. The least they can do is help their children transition to moving out on their own, teach them basic adulthood skills, enroll in college, find a job, etc. Your job as a parent doesn't magically end because of some societally imposed metric of age.

Parents like that shouldn't be surprised when their children want nothing to do with them in the future or refuse to help them later in life. Obviously, there needs to be some proactive efforts on the child's part to make that transition, but this 'sink or swim' bootstrap mentality is a product of boomers who think life is as affordable as it was to them and their parents; inherited generational trauma. That's not to say life was easier, but the cost of living is not even remotely comparable to what it was several generations ago, and that's before even getting into things like buying property, costs of higher education, less government kickbacks, etc, etc.

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#53

I don't see many posts answering this correctly.

The question has zero context. Acts like this cannot be judged unless you have the whole story surrounding why the decision was made. There are both good and bad reasons for kicking out a kid at 18.

I married into kids when they were very young. When they entered their teens my wife and I explained to them that when they finished high school, as long as they were doing something that would lead to being self-sufficient then I would do whatever I could to help and they could stay at home. I didn't even care what it was. They could go to university or a trade school, or become an apprentice to learn a trade like plumbing or electrical. They could even try to start a business. Didn't matter, didn't care, as long as it was something with a reasonable chance of success and didn't involve criminal activity.

I told them that there was no way in hell I was going to support them while they played and goofed off. There's no way in hell I'm supporting a kid that just wants to play video games and smoke weed all day. We have a couple of distant family members who had parents that did this, and they're in their 40s and still living at home being complete losers.

After high school, 2 of them decided they were going to spend all their time being in a band and were going to be mega successful and rich. I have some experience in the music industry and explained to them why that was not a path to self-sufficiency, that it some something that should be started as a hobby while you work towards being self-sufficient and then later if it happens to take off then great. I took them to meet some friends I had in bands and we talked about why there is such a thing as a college band, because being in a band has an extremely low chance of leading to self-sufficiency. It's something best done on the side.

They decided to do it anyway so they left home. I didn't completely abandon them though. I went to their shows and bought their merch, but they were on their own. Things got pretty rough for them too.

A number of years later I got a call and they said they wanted to come back home. Thee band thing didn't work out and they had a new plan. We talked about their new plan and it was pretty solid so I told them to come home. Shortly after, the other one did the same. They worked their asses off on their new plan and it only took about a year before they were making enough money to support themselves. They weren't rich by any means, but they could afford the basics.

They're all fully grown adults now and are doing fairly well, and I have zero regrets about kicking them out after high school.

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#54

American. Didn't move out until 32. It tore my dad up, he had nobody to watch baseball with, nobody to work on projects with, nobody to go fishing with on a regular basis, he still goes fishing with my mom though, but he says it is not the same.

My mom was happy to see me go. Now I have a house, career and family of my own with a wife that is 7 years younger than me and a 5 year old.

They never forced me out, just told me to keep working and pitch in with yard work and projects. They didn't need or even want money for anything.

As far as people getting kicked out is just ridiculous. If they work, are not lazy and help with chores WHY kick them out? F*****g stupid.

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#55

It's a foolish notion born of foolish "rugged American" ideology.

Payment for shelter is one of the largest expenses worldwide. Wealth is built from disposable income, it's one of the things that makes cults, as horrible as they are socially, economically viable.

From an efficiency standpoint it's a question of if it takes you 5 hours or 30 hours a week to pay for shelter. For the parent, if the children are productive, this results in more prosperity for both. Many Asian families, Jewish families, Italian families, they get this and it's a big underlying reason for multigenerational homes.

Setting aside the scientifically proven implications of human connection (cures addiction, provides greater meaning of life, is key to tribal human nature dynamics) from a purely economic perspective you can save more time as a person if you share costs.

Incidentally this is why "house shares" in America have become increasingly more common. One person may not be able to afford a house, but 5 people can and it's a no brainier to build equity instead of paying rent over the long term.

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#56

I grew up with my mom constantly telling me that her retirement plan was for me to get rich and for her to move in with me.

When I was well into adulthood and that was obviously not going to happen (and we were not getting along at all), I finally got it through her head that I was absolutely never going to be able to afford to support financially, and we'd kill each other if we lived together.

Not long after that, she stopped talking to me. It was good to see that she only saw me as a potential pile of money and nothing else.

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#57

It’s an absolutely horrible way to start a life.

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#58

They aren't parents. They're birthers that kept a human alive at the bare minimum.

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#59

I think she didn't get invited to my wedding, that's what.

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#60

In this economy? Wages vs cost of living has widened to the point that doing so is incompetent and shows their Boomer perspective thriving in ignorance.

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Brenda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plus, GenX are usually the children of Boomers, not millennials or GenZ or others. My parents are boomers (1945 & 1948) I was born in 1965, GenX. My kids (1994 & 2001) are some of those struggling right now.

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#61

It's proof that either A. They raised terrible children. or B. They never wanted children in the first place, and just didn't have access to the tools to keep themselves childfree.

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#62

They aren't parents they're landlords.

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#63

I’m 32 and live with my parents. I’ve moved back home twice after moving out. Life hasn’t been easy for me, I was in an abusive relationship and the day it ended my mom said I could come back home. My family helped me pack up and get out of there. I wouldn’t be here still if it weren’t for my parents. I’m back in school, studying hard for a career that I know I’m going to succeed in. I can’t wait to repay my parents for everything they’ve done for me.

I can’t imagine being kicked out at 18. It just seems unnecessarily cruel. It kind of gives the impression that those people never wanted their children, which is sad. I feel for those people.

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#64

Once we were working full-time, if we were still at home, my Dad would charge a nominal rent to get us used to managing our money. He would just put it into an account and give it back upon moving out.

Although if we did move back home, he'd no longer charge since we had experience and could save on our own.

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#65

It’s messed up and says a lot about the parents…

I’m 31 and still live at home. Not by choice, but because I struggled to find work through most of my 20s. Now that I have a job, I’m still saving up for a decent deposit for even renting. If my Mum threw me out at 18, I’d have been on the streets for sure.

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#66

Those kids are disadvantaged and those parents are jerks.

I will die before I stop supporting my family to the best of my ability.

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#67

My parents kicked my sibling out at 17. Because they came out as transgender (they/them). I adopted them and took care of them for several years. None of us siblings spoke to our parents during this time. Eventually my grandmother died and we broke NC to get the news. My sibling decided to try to have a relationship with our mom again, it must be going well because they moved back home. I still don't speak to them however, as I took the brunt of the hate during the whole thing for "enabling" their transition. It is what it is.

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#68

Back then, it was okay ish. Not smart but the kids could float. Nowadays with this economy. It is practically a death sentence.

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mSpencer
mSpencer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they ended up dead, homeless, grasping at whatever straw offers whatever they think they need

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#69

Usually, low education/low class, and low IQ parents do this. It's traumatic and most of the time the kids have already been on their own for a few years before.

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#70

I can tell you this, my parents and I don't have a good relationship (mostly my dad and I) because of this. Always have been told growing up that I need to figure out how to move out at 18 (only direction given). This always made me feel unwanted in the home, that I wasn't there child, just a squatting mouth to feed.

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#71

They won't go to your funeral hope that's worth it.

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#72

That was pretty much a standard accepted practice when I turned 18 in 1973. Was it right? My friends and I turned out well and successful but honestly, I don't know if that can work in today's world with the cost of living being so high.

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#73

Depends on the kids honestly. I got 4 kids. 3 of them cool as hell. They could live with me forever.

That 4 the one though… to be honest everyone was happy when she moved out. Just a miserable person to be around, it pains me to say, I wish it would have worked out differently, but she’s just an a*****e.

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#74

I'd say it sort of depends on the reason. If their kid is getting into trouble with the law, drugs, etc, I don't blame them for not putting up with that.

But if they just kick them out for a BS reason then it's rather selfish.

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#75

Of the people I know who were kicked out at 18, most of those kids sucked and did things like stole from their family, did drugs in the home, or were cruel/disrespectful to their siblings and/or parents. In those cases I have no issue. For the rare ones where the kids did nothing wrong I think it's harsh.

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#76

Parents who do that are completely selfish pieces of human garbage

…unless they have no choice or the child themself is a piece of human garbage.

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#77

I wonder how many parents realize their relationship with their kids is somewhat quid pro quo.
It feels a bit sociopathic of me to say, but take care of your kids and invest in their futures and lives. Rewarding in itself, yes, but ultimately, one day, you're gonna be old and unable to wipe your own a**, and if your kid hates you, he's not going to do it.
H**l, I love my parents, but I still am not looking forward to those times.

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#78

Even if you are that ready to get rid of them, why aren’t you letting them know that you are kicking them out so they better prepare to get their stuff in order before then? Why wait until the day they turn 18 to surprise them so they have absolutely no plans to move out? At the very least, give them a good heads-up and let them know you are serious. That is the least you could do.

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#79

Some parents think that once their kid turns 18 they need to move out. This concept seems cruel to me. If the kid wants to leave, that's no problem, but they shouldn't be forced because in today's society one generally need longer time to get ready to live independently.

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#80

If you want your kids out at 18 then raise them to he self sufficient by 18. That means helping them understand everything required to do so. Supporting them and helping them to get the things they need and being their when they mess up.

There's nothing wrong with this as a general want for your child. Theres something wrong by forcing it. My mother was told to get out at 18, but my grandfather helped her get a place, furniture and groceries for the first month and insisted she enter the jobs program in high school or go to college. He helped her plan to be out at 18, not kick her out.

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#81

My parents are kicking me out at 16, if the parent has a decent reason then good for them but otherwise I think it's terrible.

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