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Daughter Who Was Disowned By Her Parents For Being Gay Refuses To Support Them Financially, Wonders If She’s Being Cruel
Daughter Who Was Disowned By Her Parents For Being Gay Refuses To Support Them Financially, Wonders If She’s Being Cruel
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Daughter Who Was Disowned By Her Parents For Being Gay Refuses To Support Them Financially, Wonders If She’s Being Cruel

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Coming out can be an incredibly difficult and scary experience, especially when the people closest to you react negatively. For Reddit user MadeTheirBed_aita, it resulted in her being disowned by her entire family.

Despite the challenges she faced, however, the woman was able to build a happy life. But then, when everything seemed going great, her parents reached out for help after facing financial struggles, and she was faced with a difficult decision.

RELATED:

    This woman came out to her folks when she was 18

    Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

    And her biggest fears came true; her family kicked her out

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    Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: madetheirbed_aita

    Parental support is crucial in helping children and teens cope with adversity

    Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

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    According to the American Psychological Association (APA), parental, family, and caregiver support is very valuable in helping children and youth cope with adversity, especially if they encounter stigma or prejudice associated with factors such as their race/ethnicity, gender, disability, sexuality, weight or socioeconomic status.

    For example, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth who are accepted by family members and caregivers are more likely to exhibit healthy development in adolescence, e.g., participating actively with peers, showing personal autonomy, and looking forward to the future. So it’s both sad that the author of the post had to grow up as an outcast and heartwarming that she managed to pull through regardless.

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    “Unconditional love can be problematic”

    Image credits: ORION_production (not the actual photo)

    In an increasingly polarized world, conversations about children who stop speaking to their parents have become somewhat common. Yet it also happens the other way around, even if the frequency is much lower. A 2015 study conducted by the British estrangement charity Stand Alone showed that 5% of estranged parents had initiated it themselves.

    “In both research and popular culture, we rarely hear from parents who estrange themselves from their children because it’s so taboo, and there are very few non-judgemental places to speak openly about the experience,” Lucy Blake, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of West England, Bristol, who specializes in estrangement, told the BBC.

    The reasons parents end relationships with their children are similar to the reasons kids cut off their parents. Blake said that among the most commonly cited are family conflict, differences in personal values (such as religious beliefs), substance abuse, and other toxic behavior.

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    As people reacted to the story, its author provided more info on her situation in the comments

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    People thought she did nothing wrong and that it’s her parents who need to take a good look in the mirror

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    What do you think ?
    Tina Hugh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think she handled this exactly right. She was classy not to rub the bio parents’ faces in it, and kind to find those resources for the bio mother. She has taken the high road

    Jack S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed, huge props to her for being the better person. I would not have been so kind I think. I wouldn't have just rubbed their faces in it. I'd have outright taken a metaphorical dump on their entire lives and laughed while doing it. That probably makes me a pretty s****y person but that kind of injustice really just eats at me.

    Load More Replies...
    George D
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. If you think about it pragmatically, if they were not in financial straits you would have never heard from them for the rest of your life. Ever. You owe them zero.

    Eric G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh come on, that's just cynical. They probably would have contacted her if she won the lottery too.

    Load More Replies...
    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only thing I'd change would've been to say, "I'm sorry, who is this? Do I know you?" when dad called. "Father? No, doesn't ring a bell. You must have the wrong number, bye."

    Karen Grace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or... Father/Parents? I don't have any Father/Parents. Mine disowned me. So you must have the wrong number etc...

    Load More Replies...
    Max Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I simply don't get parents like that. I have a friend, back in Israel, from a conservative Iraqi Jewish family. His son came out as gay, and it was OK. He told another friend of ours "It's not as though he went looking for this or that he had a choice, but I have a choice, and I choose to love him".

    Brenda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA As the mother of a non-binary & a bisexual child, I truly can't understand what they did. My parents might not be totally comfortable with my kids lives, but they'd never turned them away or not love them. It would never occur to me to treat them as yours have. You deserve to be treated and loved exactly as you are. They lost the right to ask anything of you when they tossed you out. Please don't let them anywhere near your precious little one for any reason! They want money, not a loving relationship. They have no remorse.

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father did this. When I turned 18, he found a Valentine's Day card that I had made for my boyfriend. He flipped and kicked me out. I had to walk the streets of my small town with a garbage bag full of clothes in the middle of a New England Winter. I started crashing at college campuses. Then I moved to California and became a pornstar. Thanks, Dad. You made my life 1000x gayer.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to know why they can't stay with her brother? If she allowed them to stay with her they would definitely try to take some control and ridicule her, her wife and maybe even threaten to take the child to "save" it. No freaking way should she open that door.....

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet the bro gave them her details so he could shift the responsibility.

    Load More Replies...
    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What goes around comes around, a-holes. Serves them right.

    just me
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fall back on the platinum rule at times like this; treat others as they would wish to be treated. Gotta respect and honor their beliefs. As devout Christians, I'm sure they're familiar with the part that says sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

    Load More Replies...
    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just asking AITA? shows OP has more of a conscience than her parents ever will. They didn't even go through the motions of begging for forgiveness, but even if they had, NTA

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha, no not the a*****e. Go live your life and be happy, happy, happy. I'd say they are no concern of yours.

    Load More Comments
    Tina Hugh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think she handled this exactly right. She was classy not to rub the bio parents’ faces in it, and kind to find those resources for the bio mother. She has taken the high road

    Jack S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed, huge props to her for being the better person. I would not have been so kind I think. I wouldn't have just rubbed their faces in it. I'd have outright taken a metaphorical dump on their entire lives and laughed while doing it. That probably makes me a pretty s****y person but that kind of injustice really just eats at me.

    Load More Replies...
    George D
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. If you think about it pragmatically, if they were not in financial straits you would have never heard from them for the rest of your life. Ever. You owe them zero.

    Eric G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh come on, that's just cynical. They probably would have contacted her if she won the lottery too.

    Load More Replies...
    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only thing I'd change would've been to say, "I'm sorry, who is this? Do I know you?" when dad called. "Father? No, doesn't ring a bell. You must have the wrong number, bye."

    Karen Grace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or... Father/Parents? I don't have any Father/Parents. Mine disowned me. So you must have the wrong number etc...

    Load More Replies...
    Max Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I simply don't get parents like that. I have a friend, back in Israel, from a conservative Iraqi Jewish family. His son came out as gay, and it was OK. He told another friend of ours "It's not as though he went looking for this or that he had a choice, but I have a choice, and I choose to love him".

    Brenda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA As the mother of a non-binary & a bisexual child, I truly can't understand what they did. My parents might not be totally comfortable with my kids lives, but they'd never turned them away or not love them. It would never occur to me to treat them as yours have. You deserve to be treated and loved exactly as you are. They lost the right to ask anything of you when they tossed you out. Please don't let them anywhere near your precious little one for any reason! They want money, not a loving relationship. They have no remorse.

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father did this. When I turned 18, he found a Valentine's Day card that I had made for my boyfriend. He flipped and kicked me out. I had to walk the streets of my small town with a garbage bag full of clothes in the middle of a New England Winter. I started crashing at college campuses. Then I moved to California and became a pornstar. Thanks, Dad. You made my life 1000x gayer.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to know why they can't stay with her brother? If she allowed them to stay with her they would definitely try to take some control and ridicule her, her wife and maybe even threaten to take the child to "save" it. No freaking way should she open that door.....

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet the bro gave them her details so he could shift the responsibility.

    Load More Replies...
    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What goes around comes around, a-holes. Serves them right.

    just me
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fall back on the platinum rule at times like this; treat others as they would wish to be treated. Gotta respect and honor their beliefs. As devout Christians, I'm sure they're familiar with the part that says sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

    Load More Replies...
    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just asking AITA? shows OP has more of a conscience than her parents ever will. They didn't even go through the motions of begging for forgiveness, but even if they had, NTA

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha, no not the a*****e. Go live your life and be happy, happy, happy. I'd say they are no concern of yours.

    Load More Comments
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