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“Told My Son That I Was Allergic To Whining”: 40 Parents Reveal Their Best Parenting Hacks
It’s basically a given that raising a child is hard. “It takes a village” some might say, and they would be right. So, like in most things in life, it never hurts to sit down and do some research. And what better fount of knowledge than experienced parents?
Someone asked “Parents of Reddit: What's the best "Child Hack" you've figured out to make your life as a parent easier?” and people with kids gave their best answers. So get comfortable as you read through, take some notes if you have kids of your own, upvote your favorite suggestions, and be sure to comment your thoughts below.
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#1
Obligatory "Not a Parent" but one piece of advice I saw on Reddit a while ago that I intend to carry forward.
Realize that while the problem your child may be having is ultimately meaningless, it could very well be the most painful thing that has ever happened to them.
Your five year old stub their toe and won't stop crying? That might actually have been the most pain they've ever felt and the little throbbing after might make it seem like it'll never end. They don't know better, and they won't know better till they experience it for themselves and only for themselves.
Your teenage daughter just got dumped by her boyfriend or her favorite band broke up? This emotional trauma, however ridiculous, might actually be the worst emotional pain she's ever felt. She doesn't know that it'll fade soon enough and one day she'll even laugh at how she acted, and there is nothing you can say that will teach her this.
Your children have to learn these things for themselves, simply telling them "You'll get over it." IS a true statement, but it will feel like you are dismissing their problems. And if the worst pain they've ever felt is something you as their parent will dismiss, then don't be surprised when they don't come to you for something serious.
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#2
Teach your kids to read VERY EARLY.
Read to them as soon as you bring them home; but really focus at age 2. Start making them read back to you at 3. Make it fun.
When you give a kid the love of reading at an early age, the rest of school is usually a cake walk. They are ahead of the curve in many ways. And, if they love reading, they always have something to do, and if you buy them a book when they are good and make a reward out of it? You don't need to wait for another Harry Potter to come out to get them to read.
My mother did it with her children, I did it with mine. It works.
Cerridwn d'Wyse 1 year ago
Come on guys be serious it does work. I was reading to the dog when I was like 4 years old. And do they read the same way an adult does no my parents said sometimes it was very funny but I did it. My daughter read the entire kindergarten reading series by the time she was three and a half. Very simple reading and sometimes it's remembering the words that go with the pictures but it's an accomplishment and when you praise it they do well. They do better in school they do better in life and they're less likely to spend their time boggling Facebook
#3
I told my kid her ears turn red when she tells a lie, now she covers her ears when she lies. She is almost 7 and it still works.
#4
I had 3 kids very close in age. At one point I assigned them each a day of the week (they each got two and Sunday was the leftover) Whatever the question was, the answer was whose day is it. Who gets to go first? Who gets to ride in the front? Who has to take their bath first? I saved so many arguments with this.
#5
Teach your toddler a few signs before they can talk (eat, drink, more, play, etc). Cuts down on their frustrations caused by not being able to communicate.
Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
This! I did it with my kids. My son could sign whole sentences at one point and it really helped! Plus: it was very very cute! Eliminate „baby talk“ too and people will be astounded how well your 2-5 year old can articulate themself.
#6
Saw one on Reddit where if you want to enjoy some time undisturbed tell your kids that you're taking a nap and when you wake up all of you are going to do chores together. They'll want to let you sleep as long as possible to avoid doing housework, so they'll leave you alone to actually nap or do other things like read.
Joe Publique 1 year ago (edited)
I saw a post by a guy once who challenged his kids to compete to draw the best picture of him napping.
#7
Making them start the day over again. Some days they would wake up in the WORST mood. Just cranky and awful. I would tell them I needed them to start the day over because it hadn’t worked right the first time. Going through the motions of having to climb back into bed, close their eyes, then pretend to wake up again made them giggle so much that it usually made for a much smoother start to the day.
Papa 1 year ago (edited)
That reminds me of when I or my sister would have some minor hurt and go to our father about it. He would often say "Did you tear your clothes?" We'd say no. "Well that's good, because the clothes won't heal up like you will." We'd laugh at that and forget all about hurting.
#8
Not a parent, but a daycare worker, and I learned this through reddit: If a Child is having a meltdown, ask what color their shoes/shirts/pants/whatever clothing their wearing are. This distracts the child long enough to stop them in the midst of their meltdown because they haven't thought about what they're wearing. I used this trick *twice* on a kid today who was just having a terrible day. Calmed them right down.
#9
Make "No helmet no wheels" the law with no exceptions from the moment they get their first tricycle. Wear your own helmet when you ride together. Let them pick out cool colors etc. Come down hard the first time you catch him or her without.
This saved my son's life when he was hit and dragged under a van!
Tyke 1 year ago (edited)
If you want to teach your child to ride a bike, get them a balance bike before anything else. When they can glide on it for 2 minutes, get them a bike. Take the pedals off for the first couple of weeks so they get used to the brakes. Pop the pedals back on and they'll be off like a bullet in minutes.
#10
Be mindful of how you phrase questions
Example:
Instead of “Do you want a hotdog for supper?”, ask “What do you want on your hotdog?”
If your kid’s a d**k, it won’t matter. But it will help it most situations.
Joe Publique 1 year ago
Yup, this. Give choices. Do you want to go to bed at 8, or 8:30? Do you want a bath now, or after dinner? Every good sales-person knows it works on adults too. :)
#11
Teach them how to adult.
Give them chores. Early pick up their toys. It will make them better people in the long run. My kids take turns wiping down and sweeping the bathroom and kitchen. One does kitchen one night, the other the bathroom and then flip the next night.
Show them how to do their laundry, it is such an easy thing to do really, just a hassle (at least to me, the wife loves it)
Teach them to cook, start with the microwave and move to the stove and oven. Knowing how to use a kitchen is important.
Give them a little allowance. If they do what they should they get paid. If they half-a*s their chores or don’t do them, they don’t. Teaches you have to do the work to keep a job.
Allowance also lets them manage their money. If you just buy them things occasionally, they never learn the value of a dollar or how to save. They both have something big they want to save for and when they ask if they can by something else I ask them if they are positive they want to set themselves back in getting their big ticket item. Sometimes it is yes, they think it’s worth it and sometimes it is no, they will save their money. It’s great they are learning to save and also what is a priority for them. Is a tablet worth more to you than that sketch book? It isn’t? Then get the sketch book.
School doesn’t teach ‘adulting’ to kids. You have to do it or just hope for them to figure it out and then actually do it.
Rosalina Loblez 1 year ago
For allowance, it really depends on the child whether it should be given based on completing chores. Children tend to start trying to negotiate once they get money for the chores. To properly teach them to work for their allowance in needs to be all-or-nothing not "5 dollars for cleaning the kitchen", "2 dollars to clean your room" etc. Kids also need to learn thar helping around the house is an expectation and responsibility but a way to earn money.
#12
My wife and I came up with a short unique whistle that both kids knew meant come here to us. Works in malls, water parks or just to come in and clean up for dinner. Fellow parents were amazed by this. Teach them early.
#13
Lasagne bedding. Waterproof sheet, sheet, waterproof sheet, sheet. No changing wet beds in the night, just pull off top layer and change child!
#14
When your kid sees something they want like a toy or game and you can’t/don’t want to buy it tell them to “put it on the list.”
If they’re the type of kid that will follow through then you have a handy list for Christmas or birthdays. If not, then they’ll forget about it.
Helps avoid arguments in the store because you aren’t really saying no.
#15
Not a parent, but a teacher. My best "hack" aims to tackle oppositional defiance, a fancy way of saying "a kid who does the opposite of what you've asked, just because you've asked".
This strategy is called choice/choice.
Let's say you ask your 4-5 y/o to go get her shoes, and she screams "No!". Instead of repeating the demand, ("Get your shoes now, or else!) present the illusion of choice. "You have two choices: If you go get your own shoes, I will let you pick which pair you wear today. If you do not get your own shoes, I will pick what you wear today. " The choices you offer can sometimes provide incentive towards the choice you want then to choose.
Giving children choices provides them with limited freedom and individuality. This is important in developing your child's confidence in their own choices.
Choice/ choice can also be used to encourage children to take responsibility. I have a student in my class who is very oppositional defiant. If I say go to the right, he goes to the left. He will constantly try to push the limits of our classroom rules. When he does this, I offer him choice/ choice. I prefer this method with him because it leaves no room for him to argue, or blame me when he doesn't get what he wants.
For example, if he has an upset outburst in class, I will say, "You have two choices: You can either use your coping skills and stay in the classroom, or you can take a break in our buddy room. You have thirty seconds to make your choice. It is up to you." This works better than "Go to the office!" or traditional punishment because 1. I'm allowing him to have some control, 2. I'm giving him a time frame, 3. I'm not placing blame, 4. I'm stating the choices in a calm way (no invitation for aggression), and 5. the choices are concrete enough that he can't manipulate the outcome.
I'd highly recommend this strategy to anyone who has a child who is displaying defiant/argumentative behavior.
Sera 1 year ago
Skipping the command phase in the first place is the best way to implement illusion of choice. "Which of these shirts do you want to wear today?" won't trigger resistance the way "it's time to get dressed for school" can. Even if the answer is "not those shirts," you're heading in a more productive direction than you would end up with if you gave the opportunity to reject getting dressed or going to school entirely.
#16
Don’t chew your kids out in front of other people. Pull them aside and talk to them in private. It helps them to trust you and it helps them to save face in front of others. It’s a win-win.
#17
When the baby is nursing, fill a hot water bottle and put it in the crib or bassinet. Then if (when) then baby falls asleep at the breast, he or she won't be shocked awake by being put down on cold sheets.
#18
Draw semi circles on the insides of their shoes that match up to make a full circle when the shoes are on the right side of each other.
#19
When mine were younger, say, three or four, and it was close to time to stop playing at the park or in the pool, I always gave them plenty of warning using a concrete timeline that they could understand. Instead of saying "we're leaving soon" or "five more minutes", I would tell them something like "ok, let me see you jump in the pool. Seven more jumps and we're leaving ". Sometimes the number was higher, but never less than five. Less than five was always met with "come on, just one more!!" Which usually wasn't allowed. Seven or more was always such a big number that they seemed to get their fill and were ready to go when it was time.
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
We got 10 5 and 2 minute warnings but it was always a lot longer than 10 minutes because if we were at a friend's house or something my mother never really wanted to leave and stop chatting either!
#20
Mother of two teenagers. Don't just listen but ask. Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes or no. Then follow up with a few more questions about the answers given, and before you know it, they are talking to you without trying. Example: I don't ask my kids "How was your day?". I ask something very specific like "I see you are reading 'certain book' in class. I don't think I read that, what's it about?". They generally give me a brief rundown so I follow up with maybe "do you have to do a project on it? What ideas do you have?", things like that. After 1 or 2 questions like that they just keep talking about the class, then the class after or before then I know their whole day. They've gotten so use to just conversing with me, I don't have to try that hard to get the ball rolling anymore unlike some of my friends who are amazed my teenage kids actually talk to me. Also, those conversation starter questions are a great go to. At dinner, no one is allowed a phone, even us adults. So I have a list of conversation starters and just start asking and everyone has to answer the question. Often times will only get to the 2nd or 3rd question before we've moved on to a totally different and offbeat topic, having a really great and fun conversation about something random, like is a hamburger a sandwich or it's own thing? Or is Indiana Jones central to his own storyline? You know, the important stuff.
#21
If you threaten a consequence, follow through 100% of the time. Kids will test boundaries at every age, you just have to make it appropriate for their age group.
“If you throw sand again we are leaving the beach “ - you must leave the beach
“If you don’t clean your room no screen time tomorrow” - no screen time.
The key is to make the consequences not impact you to the point that you don’t want to follow through since it will ruin your day too. A hard line to toe, but boy do boundaries and trust work.
Edit: explained further below
Kids will always test boundaries 100%. But that doesn’t mean you go full force consequence every time. This is different than giving a consequence every time- you can explain why you don’t want them to throw the sand first. Talk to them about why they threw it. Take them in the water for a bit. But if you threaten to leave the beach once all of those things fail, you have to follow through.
A teen breaking curfew once is not a “take away your phone and computer and you’re grounded for 3 months” consequence. But maybe the 12th time is.
Kelly Scott 1 year ago (edited)
Parents, if your child doesn't have the option of what he or she has to do, don't give a yes or no option to them. Simply tell them what they have to do and quit ASKING them if they want to do it. Because if a kid HAS to do something and you give him the option of saying no, and he says no, then all you've done is set your kid up for being confused and angry. Why do so many parents do this to their kids anyway?
#22
If they are cranky, put them in water.
I have teenagers, this is still the method that I use. Even having them wash their hands or face does wonders.
To be fair, I do it with my husband too. So really, I guess it's just works for humans.
#23
When my kids were little my wife worked at a health club and I would take the kids swimming in the evening. We'd always pack their PJs for their clothes they'd change into after swimming. That way, they got out of the pool, showered, and changed in to pajamas. They didn't always go to bed right when we got home, but they were always ready for bed when we got home.
It was my wife's idea.
#24
If you have a hard time getting them to eat their vegetables give them before the dinner because thats when they are hungry and will eat almost anything, give them some carrots and cucumbers in a glass which is a great snack.
SkyDragonAerial (Aro/Ace, Cassgender) 1 year ago
I used to 'steal' veggies when my parents were prepping dinner, and my mom told me recently that if she was dicing peppers for something, she'd leave a few pepper sticks aside for me, and pretend to not notice them disappear, lol.
#25
We are trying to get our kids to understand money by explaining how much stuff costs relative to something they find valuable. "Your new glasses are worth 3 bikes, so be very careful with them." "Why didn't we go to Disneyland for vacation? Because it would cost 10 trampolines... And we had to build a new fence which also cost 10 trampolines... And mom and dad don't have enough for 20 trampolines."
I also play a game at the grocery store with my kids where I let them guess how much the groceries are going to cost. They would guess what they thought was a high number like $75 and then it would ring through at $250 and their mouths would just hang open. "That's why I get mad when you waste food! I could have bought almost 3 bikes with that money!"
#26
Learn to say thank you and I’m sorry to them. It makes you closer and helps your relationship with them no matter what age.
Experiences are better than things.
Waking up before them makes the day a lot easier.
Find a way to see them when you’re driving.
Jonathan Gore 1 year ago
Not number 4, watch the road when driving, nearly had a couple of accidents with people paying attention to kids ion the car and not to the road, if you have to stop the car and deal with whatever issue you need to.
#27
I told my son that I was allergic to whining. Any time he started whining I did a bunch of fake sneezing and he would apologize immediately and stop being whiney! It worked for most of elementary school!
Gala Guiba Guerrero 1 year ago
There is a huge difference between whining and complaining/communicating/ saying something is wrong. Parents -more often than not- know the difference.
#28
Teach them how to express their feelings and validate them when they do.
TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago
And not punish them for those feelings or tell them their feelings are wrong.
#29
One day out of desperation I made my daughters do Rock, Paper, Scissors 3 times and winner gets their choice of whatever they were fighting about (usually what TV show to watch 1st), then loser gets a turn. They started doing this automatically and stopped coming to me to solve the issue. What a win!!
#30
To get a newborn to burp:
Sit them on your knee, holding them under their armpits, and move their upper bodies in a circle several times. Like a reverse hula move I guess.
I learned it from a neonatal nurse, and it's almost infallible. So much faster and more reliable than regular burping.
Awesome At Being Autistic 1 year ago
Lol, percolating the baby until the burp gets to the top.
#31
So the children won't ask me, repeatedly, to buy a new toy on any given shopping trip - I allow them to choose a "store toy" to keep them company for the duration of the visit. They care for it, typically while sitting in a shopping cart, and then bid it farewell in a goodbye ritual at checkout ("bye store toy! See you next time!"). They are sated after that and there is never drama.
Joe Publique 1 year ago
You mean put it back where you got it, right? Not 'ditch it at the checkout'.
#32
No a parent, but when I was a child my mom would hide her 4 glass birds (little sculptures she had) around the house. My sister and I had to look for them. We had to be very careful while looking so we didnt break them. If we broke one, we lost. If we left drawers/door/cabinets open, we lost.
You would think that we could tie and each find two birds, but it never happened. We would go to mom when we gave up, and she would hide them all over again.
It wasnt until I was an adult did I realize that she never hid a fourth bird. But boy did we spend a *looong* time looking
Madison Taylor 1 year ago
I don't get this.. Is the point to keep them occupied? Sounds like an easy way to make one kid very upset.
#33
Whenever we go to the grocery store instead of listening to my son(4 years old) cry about all of the stuff he can't have I just tell him he can have one thing and one thing only. So he grabs cookies. Then when we get to the ice cream isle he decides he wants ice cream, then changes to Captain crunch. But every time we go back and put up the last thing he chose. It teaches him to decide what he really wants instead of wanting everything and whining the whole time.
#34
Put sunscreen on at home, before you get to the beach/pool/park. They know we're not going anywhere till it's on. Saves me from the scramble at the destination because they're always too excited to hold still and I'm in a rush, so it's not a thorough job. Sunscreen takes 20 minutes to kick in anyway.
ohjojo (you/your's) 1 year ago
Most people that they're not using enough sunblock and that it takes at least 20 minutes to start working. Sunblock is a chemical reaction. If you just slap it on when you're already in the sun you're going to start sweating it off immediately.
#35
1. Any food they didn't like was labeled turkey. They are 12 and 8 and only just realized fish isn't turkey. They would always wonder why turkey has so many different flavors and how they like some but not others. 😂
2. Starting as soon as they can walk, ask for help for just about everything. And they will help and enjoy being needed. And when they do tasks and ask for help, help them. They will always help if you teach them to do it as a family instead of an individual task. Clean house...yes, please!
3. Biggest one of all - listen to them. Everything they say to you is really important to them, no matter how stupid it is. And learn what they like, even if it's boring. This comes in handy when they're older.
#36
My daughter would run away from me at the grocery store when I had my infant son in the cart. So I put tap shoes on her when we went shopping.
#37
I make kid traps. It works for all ages. I have an early riser, an enthusiastic 5am early riser for many years. Things are better now. During those tough years, my invention came to fruition and age of child is a factor as well as placement of the traps. With little ones. you need traps all over the house and the key spot is right outside the door, placed after the child goes to bed.
This is what all those shoes boxes you have are best recycled for. Inside the box you will place a number of surprises. That can entertain the child. really, it can be anything that will not harm them. it could be several rolls of cardboard toilet paper. blocks, a couple of figurines, weird stuff. Again nothing that can harm them.
With smaller kids that get into everything, you need these all over the house so that when they open a drawer or cupboard, it's the first thing they find and instead of ripping the tape out of your classic VHS tapes or ripping your comic collection to shreds, they go through all the all the things in the kid trap. You do need to replace items in the boxes frequently.
As the child gets older more art supplies should be included, drawing materials, crafty things, pieces of clothing, books, games, stickies. It really works. don't give them stickers. I hate stickers.
until they learn to forage. That's code for feed themselves.
good luck
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Mine figured out if she played quietly she wouldn't get in trouble. So we baby proofed her room and put up a gate. She wasn't alone for long, maybe 20 minutes before hubs and I got up.
#38
Routines are great just generally.
Also in the early days making sure the child knows the difference between day and night is really useful in teaching them that night time is quiet time. The amount of friends who get their newborn baby up when it cries in the night and then play with it baffles me.
Polterbean 1 year ago
I think it's more important for newborns to be cared for than to understand night time.
#39
Whenever either of my toddlers was crying or whining in the car, I would point to something invisible out the window and say "hey! do you see that over there?!" By the time they realized they couldn't figure out what I was pointing at, they'd forgotten the reason they were whining. Amazing how many times that worked.
#40
During the years their bedtime is 8pm or earlier, put away your laptop and phone and just say 'yes' to anything they want to play. Much easier for everyone.
What do you think ?
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
So parenting is treating children like decent and real humans depending on their age. Hm. How surprising.
A Jones 1 year ago
I'm not a parent, but I'm an aunt of 3 young kids. My sister is doing early intro with gentle teeth brushing with her kids as soon as they sprouted their teeth. Good habits start as soon as possible.
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
Yes! And the little ones love being part of the older kids and brushing their teeth with their siblings
Load More Replies... Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
When my younger siblings were being fussy and refusing to eat food we found it worked amazing if we have them a round of applause after each mouthful. They found it hilarious and loved the attention so kept eating. I'm not meaning like when they had only a bit left on their plate and were full I mean them being classic toddlers and whining that they don't like the things they liked yesterday. It works up to age 5 roughly. After that they pretend not to like it but you can tell they absolutely do and it still often works they're just trying to be a big kid
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
So parenting is treating children like decent and real humans depending on their age. Hm. How surprising.
A Jones 1 year ago
I'm not a parent, but I'm an aunt of 3 young kids. My sister is doing early intro with gentle teeth brushing with her kids as soon as they sprouted their teeth. Good habits start as soon as possible.
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
Yes! And the little ones love being part of the older kids and brushing their teeth with their siblings
Load More Replies... Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
When my younger siblings were being fussy and refusing to eat food we found it worked amazing if we have them a round of applause after each mouthful. They found it hilarious and loved the attention so kept eating. I'm not meaning like when they had only a bit left on their plate and were full I mean them being classic toddlers and whining that they don't like the things they liked yesterday. It works up to age 5 roughly. After that they pretend not to like it but you can tell they absolutely do and it still often works they're just trying to be a big kid
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