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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Giving me no privacy. My parents snooped way too much. Searching my clothes draws for hidden things, checking my phone, eavesdropping on my conversations, talking about my private life to their friends as if it was hot gossip, spying me when i was out, asking their friends to report in if they ever saw me out and around, checking my mail, checking the computer history every time i used it, listening to my CD’s to check they were appropriate, arranging additional meetings with my teachers to ask about me, asking me personal questions all the time. Basically not giving me any space to just be me.

They also made a lot of jokes about me to other people, right in front of my face. I often felt like i was their pet more than an actual human.

I’m now deeply self-conscious and suspicious as a result. I always have this feeling that people are watching and judging me.

Edit: reading it back, that all sounds minor. But believe me when i say i didn’t have even once second of privacy and they went to extreme lengths to find out every single thing i was doing at all times even when i was out of the house. They would then share that information about me with their friends and colleagues, like i was just a piece of gossip or a tv storyline.

whymyheadhurt , THX0477 Report

Final score:

240points

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James016 2 years ago

None of that is minor.

302points

CrispyCrunchyPoptart , Nenad Stojkovic Report

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Wayyyyy too sheltered. I will definitely shelter my kids to an extent and raise them right but my parents took it to the extreme. I was only allowed to play with religious children and wasn't allowed to watch movies besides basically Disney movies until I was in High School. This led to a pretty rebellious phase when I was around 15 that I think could have been avoided if my parents weren't so strict.

Final score:

202points

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𝖊𝖆 2 years ago (edited)

Kids need boundaries of course, but as they get older you need to start widening them. Give them space to grow and mature and learn for themselves. My Nan used to say children are like springs, if you try and hold it too tightly, eventually it will let loose and go wild. If they can’t make any decisions for themselves it can be overwhelming when they have complete freedom.

104points

thingstooverthink , Michael Coghlan Report

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term the way they used to communicate through me because they wouldn't speak to each other after they seperated. when I had to deliver a message from one parent that the other one didn't like, I was the one who was yelled at, and both of them asked me to side with them instead of the other. there was no way to win, because I always either made mummy sad or daddy sad. good times.

Final score:

195points

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Amy Taylor 2 years ago (edited)

Oh, lord was this my childhood. I also couldn't bring up their names around each other, had to lie about seeing my dad to my mom, it was so toxic and sad. It took my mother getting a terminal illness for them to bury the hatchet, and when my mom died, my dad regretted all of that time wasted hating each other :(

95points

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Leaving me to my own devices so long as my grades were good. Not teaching me much of anything outside of knowing right from wrong. Outside of being kept alive I pretty much raised myself.

Wyzeman3283 , Michael Scialdone Report

Final score:

191points

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June’s Very Own 2 years ago (edited)

This is quite sad. My parents are the complete opposite, teaching me a 3 hour long life lesson when ever I breathe. I don’t think I like it either way tbh

80points

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term 1. Teaching it’s never OK to lie is an awful life lesson for keeping yourself out of trouble.
2. Being a “member of the clean plate club” teaches kids to keep eating when they’re full.
3. teaching that the man is head of household, when that doesn’t work in a lot of relationships.

Donler , respiritu Report

Final score:

186points

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Kusotare 2 years ago

Especially #2. I have a difficult relationship with food because my parents insisted we eat everything on our plates.

120points

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term My mom always meant well but I have body dysmorphia for life. I’m sharing because if any parents are reading this you should be diligent about how you talk about your body in front of your kids. Don’t talk about needing to lose or gain weight unless it’s for health reasons. Don’t put yourself down about how you look in front of your kids. This creates doubt and body image issues from the jump and that sticks with you forever.

Chereke , Sharron Report

Final score:

175points

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June’s Very Own 2 years ago

It’s sad because a lot of the time it’s not on purpose. My besties mum was very insecure because of her mother growing up, and she genuinely tried not to let it affect her daughter. But her behaviour was always very…..on display. Like she was always very clearly unhappy and didn’t eat much, as a result my bestie now has body dysmorphia

57points

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never admitting that they did something wrong. An example is that when I was in second grade my mom would literally yell and scold me because she thought that HAVE was spelled HAV, and that also confused me with the word HAD. Even though at school the teachers and everyone else spelled HAVE, when I got home she would scold me for spelling it correctly until I told her that that's how everyone else spelled it. She just looked at the paper and never said a word about it again.

So now I always think that whatever I'm doing is wrong or if something did go wrong and was clearly out of my control I still get nervous.

NotBorris , Ivan Radic Report

Final score:

170points

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Just a ray of f'ing sunshine 2 years ago

I was raised like this. When I had my son I was determined to not be that parent. I told him, as long as he was respectful, he could tell me if I made him angry and why and he could tell me if he thought I was wrong or made a mistake about something. We had, and still do, an amazing open relationship where he always felt he could talk to me about anything.

85points

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taking away sports every time I got a C in school. I will NEVER take away my future kids passions. Does not matter if it is sports, art, music, or anything else. Don't know if the frustration of that will ever dissipate for me. That was my outlet that was severely needed.

jomo1322 , Jamie Smed Report

Final score:

168points

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StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago

I don't understand punishing kids over grades. It just pushes kids to cheat and pay more attention to the grades and not the material they're learning. If kids are struggling then there's likely other causes and not their other activities.

118points

Few_Faithlessness796 , Gerry Dincher Report

#10

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Keeping me /s

Honestly, it would have been nice to hear they were proud of me - just once, don’t want to overdo it.

Final score:

162points

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Chucky Cheezburger 2 years ago

Or glossing over anything good and focusing in and hammering away on anything not good." You got an A in biology, we'll whoopty freaking do...but you got a D in math and you have to do better and blah blah blah go get the belt..."

88points

#11

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Violently screaming at me for bad grades or poor performance in sports.

I think it had the opposite effect where I became afraid of making any mistakes, which would lead to more mistakes. Feel like if your kid is underperforming in any way, there’s a way to talk to them without making them feel stupid for f*****g up. There are better ways to motivate them.

theMAJdragon , Maks Karochkin Report

Final score:

160points

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Chucky Cheezburger 2 years ago

I feel this one. My folks tried all manner of punishments to make me get better grades. Found out in my late 20s I have ADHD, along with some related issues. No amount of punishment was going to help. Not a fun time to go througj.

70points

#12

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never apologizing for anything and then taking it a level up by denying certain things were even f**k ups.

dzogchenism , Ksionic Report

Final score:

156points

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June’s Very Own 2 years ago

Denying is the worst imo because is just makes the accusers out as liars when all we wanted was an apology :(

60points

#13

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They didn’t take any interest in my interests. So now I’m 30 with parents I have virtually nothing in common with. It makes dinner chitchat very depressing for me.

King_Kingly , Richard Masoner Report

Final score:

150points

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Saxophone 2 years ago

I have done something like "here is a good place for my birthday, it costs ___ for 5 people, and it would be fun!" They laugh, and said "Ok, maybe!" I just felt silly. It sucked.

40points

#14

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not teaching me anything about financial responsibility.

wee_man , Nenad Stojkovic Report

Final score:

143points

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Meredith 2 years ago

One trillion percent this. About 5 years ago my parents sold some property & my dad asked us to send him a break down of all our debt. When I was going over it with him he was like "how did you get so far in debt?" Like. Very disappointed voice. "You never talked to us about money. You never talked to us about saving. You never talked to us about investing. Not once. Money was never brought up." He didn't even have to think about. He said "you're right." That alone blew me away. In wasn't an unmanageable amount but my parents were the type they paid credit cards in full every month. Also, In my family it's "ours" not "theirs & mine." I think that's really messed my brother & I up, if I'm being honest. We didn't have to take responsibility. We also didn't know my dad was going to run off with a mistress & screw us either. It kills me watching my mom having to pinch pennies. I give her gifts all the time. I bought her a new car & that felt amazing.

74points

#15

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never teaching me to be independent. My guardian was obsessed with keeping me way too close and I was always sheltered and now I'm alone and don't know how to function

22poppills , aaron gilson Report

Final score:

130points

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Mermaid Elle-Jaye 2 years ago

I’m worried my sister is doing this one, the twins are nearly 11 and can’t use a microwave or anything. Its a massive contrast to me and her at 5&9 making pancakes unsupervised and alone at home. She says the upbring we had made her paranoid etc, but we never burnt the house down or f****d up, we learned so many life skills ahead of people our age out of necessity. Maybe she wants them sheltered for that reason though. They are at the point now where they wanna walk to school alone but can’t, I’ve tried to convince her. They need some freedom or they won’t survive out here in this shithole of a world

61points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

Making pancakes at home alone at 5 and 9 would be considered neglect nowadays.. so each of them examples is wrong to me...somewhere in the middle .

7points

Ma Fra 2 years ago

Our task as parents is to prepare our children to become independent adults. Every kid is different, so it's important to not apply one rule that counts for all. But never ever stop a child from growing and learning. It will make him/her a very insecure adult.

5points

Becca Hauck 2 years ago

We came from a different world than the one we currently live in. If anything happens to those kids, your sister is toast. My ex told the judge that I was abusing my kids by teaching them to do things. I told the judge it's my responsibility to get my kids ready to live on their own. I can't just turn them out into them world at 18 not knowing how to take care of themselves. My daughter got a bug bite that swelled up, people called social services. My 4 year old almost hung herself on the mini-blinds while I was doing the dishes. Got social services called for that. I called the ambulance due to a bad medication reaction and the paramedics were refusing to take me to the hospital until I had a sitter for my 13 year old son. When my son was 6, I let him play in the yard while I watched from my window (I was on meds that made my skin hemorrage in the sun) and social services was called. My Autistic son refused to wear shorts outside the house. Summertime, neighbors call socal services.

1point

Sean Wickham 2 years ago

This is exactly why I don't mind sending my very young kids to Montessori for a year!

0points

Mark Melton 2 years ago

First thing over protected kids do at age 18? Leave and never come back.

5points

Ma Fra 2 years ago

I did. I love my parents very much, but I preferred not having money to eat over being over protected. It was the best choice for me and my mental health.

1point

Valerie Smart 2 years ago

This right here leads to to a whole lot of s**t in future . I just can’t anymore with this thread. It’s depressing

4points

Trisha Howson 2 years ago

Our parents did not do this and me and my sister became a whole s**t show. My sister actually can't take care of herself she developed mental issues that my mother had. And I learned some stuff on my own or by my husband. I did learn some things from dad though. But I've got to say it was crazy. Hopefully I'm better with my kids.

1point

AnnaBanana 2 years ago

The greatest gift you can give a child is independence.

1point

Viv Hart 2 years ago

I was paralysed by Polio when I was 6, but through therapy I could walk again, but if I fell, it happened often, I had to get up by myself. My younger sister said Mum was cruel, and would want to help me, but Mum said, No, she's using muscles that she would otherwise not use. So I have my dear Mum to thank for my life of independence. I turned 80 this year, but with a mind of 40, and still trying to be as independent as ever, although I now have mobility issues.

0points

AlanandLeila Hoyt 2 years ago

This is terrible-some kids really fight it and just do things behind their parents back (great!) such as open a bank account as soon as they are 18 and use half days to their advantage (don’t tell them you have a half day!). Get a part time and save money so you can get your own phone and data-get guidance from people who will support your independence. You will eventually have to break free and move out, and put your foot down, keep your boundaries-do NOT accept help with rent or grocery drop offs as that is meant to force you or trick you into believing you need to be taken care of.

0points

Barbara Adams 2 years ago

My mother did everything for me and when I became an adult I didn't know how to function or make decisions.

0points

IzzBizz9000 2 years ago

This is me.

0points

LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago

My parents. I know they probably meant well but when I finally moved out in my early 20s, I realized how much of an idiot I was. I didn't know how to do a damn thing. Everything I've learned has been on my own and self taught by many YouTube videos.

0points

Tilly 2 years ago (edited)

My parents did this to my sister's. But me. Nope I had to be independent the moment I started school. At 6 I what to get myself up and ready for school and get the to bis on time. With no help.i was the middle forgotten child. Now they are trying take it up to me..kinda weird. They want me to live with them now. But u like living on my own. Even if that means struggling financially. My sisters depend on my parents for alot still. We are 36, 32, and 27.

0points

Suzanne Haigh 2 years ago

This is one area that is so difficult to get right. My daughter thought I wanted rid of her because I tried to teach her about money and independance etc. when this was so untrue.

0points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

I agree..there is a fine line..one 1 hand they have to grow up but on the other u have to be responsible and not go into neglectful status

0points

#16

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Well my dad's f*****g great but my mother, constant screaming for everything, depriving me of any and all food a lot of the time, punishment for things someone else did, invasion of privacy, not giving a f**k about my mental health, not giving up custody to my dad, constantly degrading me

DemonicAtomic , Chris Yarzab Report

Final score:

127points

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June’s Very Own 2 years ago

I’m so sorry. I hope your doing on now and away from your abusive mother

56points

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#17

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Expecting me to have the same grades, activities, and social lives as my older siblings.

BillyJoeFootballIII , Sharron Report

Final score:

115points

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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago

I can relate. My mother started asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister from the time I can remember. I was born on her 4th birthday, but we are polar opposites. She never went outside, never got dirty, was never noisy, in other words, perfect. I was very independent, a daddy's girl, but not in the traditional sense. I was a tomboy who wanted to do everything with him, and my mother hated it. Until the day she died, she hated it.

45points

#18

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term If I had a problem, first thing they said to me "its your fault".

dell02 , Jonathan Cutrer Report

Final score:

114points

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Valerie Smart 2 years ago

No baby it’s not your fault. Don’t ever believe that . It’s the insecurity and the immaturity of the parent saying this to you .

62points

#19

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taught me nothing about nutrition, let me eat junk, and made excuses for my obesity. Took me 10 years as an adult to finally take responsibility for myself and shed the weight.

rawbface , Tony Alter Report

Final score:

108points

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Small_Mushroom 2 years ago

My parents let me eat how much I wanted all the time, which was always too much. The most they did was show me a diet I should do at the age of like, 9 but never truly helped me stick with it. Now that I'm older, I hate myself and how unhealthy I am, but due to some issues, I've never been able to get on a diet. Please help your kids stay healthy so that they don't end up like me...

36points

wokenphoenix , woodleywonderworks Report

#20

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Due to them giving me insane social anxiety, I now have the social skills of the new kid in elementary school. I can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes without making people uncomfortable. I have proceeded to lose all of my friends due to this and am now sad and lonely.

Final score:

103points

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Jacob Nunez 2 years ago

Damn now I wish I had a Reddit account so I can be this persons friend.

61points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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#21

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Mom's personality is very complicated and toxic, but what I really hated as a kid was that she didn't want me to grow up. She didn't teach me how to do laundry, pack my clothes, how to swim, anything. She was also overly protective and I still cope with bunch of irrational fears as an adult.

When I was 11 I was really ashamed that kids my age are much more self-sufficient. She was sabotaging me anytime I tried to do some 'adult' stuff like cooking, taking care of myself, nothing illegal - I was well behaved kid. At this time she started ruining our relationship with her behavior, I feel like she hates me for growing up and not being baby anymore

kralicek16 , Ernest James Report

Final score:

95points

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago

My parents haven't taught me to do anything but instead of it being because they didn't want me to grow up they just... didn't teach me anything. Then i annoyed my parents foe being useless

35points

#22

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They let their fear of dealing with their own trauma turn into causing and ignoring mine.

ViridianBella , HS You Report

Final score:

92points

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august is mentally unstable 2 years ago

my mom in a nutshell.

26points

#23

Ladling out too much guilt and shame. They are not motivational forces for me to be “better”, in fact quite the opposite was true

Also telling me that I wasn’t good at math. Sure, it wasn’t my strongest subject. But don’t tell a kid that they will never ever succeed at a subject due to some inherent shortcomings

Playing favourites. My brother was allowed to grow marijuana as an “experiment “ by my very straight laced and anti drug parents. In fact they were enthusiastically supportive. Not so much for me. That’s just one example. Basically he could have pissed in my face and our folks would have blamed me. They always made me feel like I was inadequate because I wasn’t like him. My brother is a classic grandiose narcissist.

anon Report

Final score:

89points

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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago

I feel your pain. I haven't seen my abusive sibling since 1993. I was forced to talk to him in 1999 when my father died, and the police had to get involved. This was over the phone. Jerry Springer meets Cops.

35points

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#24

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Complete apathy.

My parents basically never got involved in me or my siblings' lives. Never attended things like school plays or parents evenings, never cared about how things were going or what was going on. So long as we didn't get into trouble and didn't cause them problems they didn't care and took no interest. "Anything for peace and quiet" as my mother frequently said.

As such, because they never tried to be a part of my life, they effectively aren't a part of my life anymore. We only speak out of obligation, and not very often at that.

Nambot Report

Final score:

88points

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Broad Panda 2 years ago (edited)

I was wondering when I'd see my one. My brother and I were fed and clothed and sheltered and educated and got gifts at birthday and Christmas. Never abused. But our parents never knew us. Because they didn't bother to. It felt like they had 2 kids because that's what people do. We were raised kinda Victorian. Children should be seen and not heard. We were smart, sensitive kids, and always felt unwanted. My brother and I are in our 40s, and it still deeply affects our sense of self-worth. Edit: I know my own kid really well, love to know her interests, talk openly with her, and tell her I love her multiple times every day. No way in hell will I let my precious girl think she doesn't matter to me.

63points

#25

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They haven't tried to motivate me for anything.

traveler9o , Miika Silfverberg Report

Final score:

80points

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Dan 2 years ago (edited)

Parents need to always support their child's interests. Unless it's illegal

30points

#26

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Forcing me to be a member of their cult under the threat of homelessness.

SlyCoopersButt , charcoal soul Report

Final score:

79points

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Toby Hawthorne 2 years ago (edited)

A CULT, WHAT THE F**K!!! What was this cult about? Not trying to be nosy or anything just curious.

32points

#27

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not being supportive, not dealing with the abuse I suffered from family and school. Pretty much anything that involves my mental health was neglected. Being taught that women were pure and men were c**p, which lead to abuse from women in my adult life cause it had to have been some wrong I've done. Being told is was ugly and I would be inadequate for a woman. I could really keep going for ages on this.

Mr_AsmodeusOfFraggle , tamckile Report

Final score:

76points

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June’s Very Own 2 years ago

Can you imagine telling a child that you carried on your stomach for 9 months and birthed them out of you, that their ugly? It just breaks my heart

41points

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#28

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Spoiling us and always doing the chores. We ended up being lazy mfers. I'm currently procrastinating writing this.

kazemaru04 , Carlo Cabanilla Report

Final score:

71points

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Scott Crowell 2 years ago

Ok OK I'll write it for you this time but no more Mister. Now go play your video games while I clean out the cat box.

41points

#29

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term The total lack of boundaries based on the believe that they had raised us to be responsible and smart, even though clear evidence were present that we were not.

ir_blues , Leonid Mamchenkov Report

Final score:

64points

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Dunja Blackwell 2 years ago

This whole list is my childhood

16points

#30

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not enough discipline

RolfSonOfAShepard420 , Joopey Report

Final score:

61points

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Valerie Smart 2 years ago

A lot of what is wrong with America today. Go ahead and crucify me in comments but you damn well know I’m right.

74points

Note: this post originally had 41 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump.

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Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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What do you think ?

POST

Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"

35points

BobTDG 2 years ago

My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.

16points

Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago

The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.

23points

Jessica254 2 years ago

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lili 2 years ago

One I'd like to add... Saying that you need to listen to any adult and do what they say, just because they are an adult. It could've been a complete stranger, but since they are an adult you should listen. I've been r-ped, i still seek external validation for everything, javascript:void(0);and even though it always hurts me in the end, I am still over trusting.

22points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.

10points

Tabernus 2 years ago

Sending you big hugs. I have two girls, I have absolutely raised them not to just accept people touching their hair or to 'respect their elders, they respect people because they are people, they question everything and they take no s**t. I'm proud of them and when I speak to their teachers they back up that they are polite and respectful in school ... Just don't take the p**s.

2points

Pamela Cristina Buss 2 years ago

I was taught about stranger danger, but was also taught to be nice and accept any contact by any family members, even if you don't like them... Guess what.

0points

Shane S 2 years ago

Not giving their kids body independence. Don’t make your kids kiss, hug, or embrace someone they don’t want to. It teaches kids that their body is community property and they can’t say no.

14points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

A thousand times yes

4points

Lsai Aeon 2 years ago

The majority of these are my entire family. The worst of it was, I was adopted. They constantly reminded me of that, that I was thrown away by my real family and they got stuck with me. I was never wanted, never belonged, still don't. My mother's still doing it to me, and I can't get out. She treats my son good, though.

6points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

1. Telling me that I can't know that I'm gay because I've never had sex with a woman and then being surprised as I proceeded to have sex with all the boys. 2. Acting as if they never made mistakes. I didn't talk to them about things because I figured they couldn't possibly understand what it felt like to mess up.

5points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

I wish that they’d explained to me that there are times when it’s *okay* to hit people. I could’ve saved myself a couple of years of on and off harassment from various assholes at school and at the park. If someone’s hitting you, you’re allowed to hit back.

4points

Memere 2 years ago

1 of 2: The one I was looking for was "parentification". One definition is "Using your children as unpaid help is an example of parentification. A form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. A child is used by the parent to fulfil their own needs — leading to the child's becoming secondary." My parents did this to me. When I was 7, they moved us to a farm, three weeks before my school let out for the summer. They packed up the house, took my 3 younger siblings with them, & left me with a neighbor for 3 straight weeks. They picked me up after school was done & I became a 7 year old farmhand, helping take care of 60 laying hens - mom sold eggs for money because siblings were too young for school. When the youngest finally started school, mom went back to work as a nurse full-time, and I was expected to babysit the "kids", make sure they did homework, make sure I did my homework, feed the cattle, and do prep for dinner.

4points

Memere 2 years ago (edited)

2 of 2: Add on to all that - if my siblings didn't do their homework or chores, guess who got yelled at. Yep, ME. It was always my fault they didn't do their chores, and if I tried to make them, then they "tattled" that I was "mean" to them & I got punished double. I left home when I was 19, and never really went back. The only time I did was right after leaving an abusive ex, and when my house burned down, and those were both only for about 6 weeks. And my siblings are puzzled that I don't "worship" my parents, especially my father, smh. They have very different memories.

5points

Amy Taylor 2 years ago

A lot of triggers in these for me :( I guess the best I can do is to do better by my daughters and break the cycle of dysfunction in my family.

4points

JMC5003 2 years ago

Please talk to someone about what you've been through. It's hard work, but so very worth it.

0points

Alya 2 years ago

Adding one of my own: not allowing me an education. Highly religious parents, so I wasn't allowed to go to public school out of fear of "corruption". Because of that I was homeschooled, but my mom was an entirely unfit teacher so even the work that i managed to get done on my own she never made any transcripts for. This also came with major isolation where I only got to see people at church on Sunday (if they decided to even go, they didn't like to leave the house) But I hope to one day help any teens in similar situations, even if just giving them some hope as an example. I got my GED this year on my first attempt. I'm moving in a couple weeks from my tiny town they stuck me in to a big city for school and an opportunity to meet people. Looking back, I never imagined myself being where I am now. It seemed so hopeless being locked away but I'm striving to accept that I'm strong and intelligent, even though my mom spent my entire life telling me the complete opposite.

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Alya, I think you're very brave. It's definitely not to late to build the life you want and deserve. I wish you all the very best!

1point

Alya 2 years ago

I'm saving this as a good reference point for things to discuss with my therapist lol So much of this genuinely hit so close to home and refreshed my memory of a lot of things

3points

Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago

I'm glad my parents did none of these

3points

KimB 2 years ago

Forcing your religious beliefs on your children. That was the only thing my parents were guilty of. If I tried to refuse I was grounded. I made it very clear at a young age I didn't believe what I was told by the Catholic Church and I was forced to go until after made my confirmation in the eighth grade. After my confirmation I never went to church again with the exception of my grandparents funerals.

2points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

Raised in a lower middle class suburban Catholic household in an upper middle class WASP town. One of like 3 Caths in my whole grade and the other ones didn’t even go to our church, they went to an “Italian church” (we’re Irish so we drove two towns over lol, that’s sooo New Jersey *facepalm* ) Anyway got revenge on my wicked grandma after confirmation and never went back to her church, even for her funeral. I went goth, so my CCD classes were put to good use! Also I married a non-white person. In a Protestant church ;D He’s a good man. We aren’t having kids. Oh, family!

0points

Seabeast 2 years ago

It's a pity that just anyone can become a parent as long as they conceive the child themselves. No training, no background check.

2points

BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago

I'm so happy things like this are getting more well known. I have 2 young kids and I'd like to mess them up as little as possible.

2points

H M 2 years ago

Still, we grow up, unless we are badly mistreated, we're adults, we can change. I was told clean your plate , I had cult religion parents, no outside activities or friends, and all that, I moved on. My eating changed even the food, more home grown veg and such, not religious.

2points

Vira 2 years ago

This makes it sound like it's okay to accuse kids, because they can change. That's pretty gross.

0points

Stardust 2 years ago (edited)

My father is messing me up by showing too much love. He buys the most expensive stuff for me even though I don’t want them. I feel really guilty because of it. He he also forces me to hug him even though I make it clear that I don’t enjoy them at all.

2points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

Gifts make me uncomfortable, too. I don't think he's showing too much love. Love would mean respecting your boundaries.

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Reading all of this was really difficult because I related to so much of it, but I wanted to read everything, because people need to have their stories heard, their pain witnessed. I also wanted to say one more thing. It is possible to take the pain and abuse of childhood and transform it into something that makes you stronger, kinder, and braver. For me, it meant therapy and medication at times. But it can be done. None of us are "broken", we've just been tempered in some serious fires.

1point

chiizu !! 2 years ago (edited)

one that i'm really surprised wasn't mentioned was hitting your children or threatening them. that doesn't help anyone at all, even if you're doing it because you genuinely believe that's the way to parent them. only makes your kids better at not crying when they get hurt, not knowing what's considered right and wrong, and becoming self-destructive bc they don't fear pain. any parents in the comments who do this- please stop, this is one thing you shouldn't pass down to younger generations.

1point

Ken Schroeder 2 months ago

I was "gifted" as a child, but my parents couldn't accept letting me be fostered weekly to attend an 'advanced" school, so I was kept in a small-town school with teachers who had no idea how to challenge me. Instead, they just pointed out to the other kids how much smarter I was. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but the teachers made me the most unpopular kid in school and put me into counseling for most of my adult life. I've tried very hard not to blame you, but damn...

0points

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

Unfortunately I still live with my parents (this is something my mom does though) but for me it’s a couple things: Crying is shameful Anger is a bad emotion Be afraid of everything, because you are always at risk of being hurt You can never have social media because you might get kidnapped by a pr*dator (even though I knew not to do that by age 9) That’s just a few things that have already scarred me for life…

0points

Bhushan Kulkarni 2 years ago

https://youtu.be/gEowvFHel64

0points

Serena 2 years ago

At the end of the day parents are just people who happen to have kids. I read this as a parent looking to get some more tips into what to do/not do. The involvement one really hit home for me and is something I can improve on.

0points

Amy Broderick 2 years ago

I guess my biggest one is Parentification. I was in charge and babysat constantly but had no power. So only could watch my siblings do s**t and then get in trouble for it later even though I couldn't stop them or I would get in trouble for that. I was in charge of getting them ready for school every day, I babysat every weekend, and I had basically no social life. I learned quickly to cook and clean the entire house before I asked for anything. So I'm near 50 and I still feel responsible for my siblings even though they are grown adults. But of course if you ask my mother about any of this she will deny it. Classic narcissist.

0points

LittleLiz 2 years ago

Not letting them in (at an appropriate level) on what you're going through. My aunt had a panic attack when my (15yo) younger cousin said something while frustrated that brought up old trauma (basically that she causes chaos and stress). She didn't want to dump her problems on her kids, but I told her that she needs to talk with them about these things because they want to know how to avoid hurting her and she should be able to trust them because they're her family.

0points

FruityTootsieRoll 2 years ago

Not taking accountability/blaming is a big one for me. I once got yelled at, smacked over the head by my step mom for close to 45 minutes. What did I do? My backpack wasn't organized. I was called selfish, stupid, and manipulative over a backpack. I was like 13-14 at the time. When my dad tried to talk to her, she just says stuff like "Oh so I guess I'M the bad guy here RIGHT?" and "She needs to step the f**k up, she's not a child anymore." Ironic thing is, she always tells me I'm an adult when it's convenient. but as SOON as I do something moderately "adult" I get told I'm "too young for that" because I'm "Just a child and don't know anything"

0points

Twizzy 2 years ago

The thing that pops in my head is wondering how the parents were raised, I'm not saying anything they did was right. Just a little story my dad shared with me years ago, he grew up on farm and one night when he was in high school my grandfather took my three aunts and grandma into town for dinner and my dad had to stay and watch the farm, well that night he used the tractor to go to the neighbors house and drop off a letter, later that night he was pulled out of bed by my grandpa and whipped with a belt. Sometimes thinking about how the parents were raised can shed some light on why they do what they do, it doesn't excuse what they do but it might just help the child understand why. My dad has never laid a hand on me or brother's if anyone is wondering.

0points

Gabriel Gawrada 2 years ago (edited)

This one is so obvious it's odd you overlooked it. 'Staying together for the kids'. Some of these are just wingeing; at some point you have to grow a pair, acknowledge that no one's perfect(including yourself) and move on. Give credit where it's due(if any) and decide you can do better. Then do it and stop blaming; you alone decide whether you're a victim.

0points

Cheyenne 2 years ago

OMG I think my mom founded the freaking Clean Plate Club. I must have hear that a bajillion times when I was coming up. I hated it.

0points

Pandaroo 2 years ago

Yet it's us childfree ones who are selfish. Yeah right.

0points

Juan Alcorta 2 years ago

This post makes me so sad. You´re a parent, not a super hero, and there´re no manuals of how to be a perfect dad/mum, yet you were brought up in such a fine way that you´re able to discuss what´s good or bad. That´s something some people can´t do because they´ve known nothing better. They can´t discern good from bad. Hopefully you´ll be a parent someday and perhaps make mistakes too, and let´s hope your children don´t make an article out of it.

-2points

Vira 2 years ago

Being an awful person isn't excusable. This isn't just a small mistake, either. These are abusive, damaging, and long-term effects. You act like it's okay to repeatedly damage a child. Are you abusive?

3points

jessica nora 2 years ago

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jessica johns 2 years ago

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Teresa995 2 years ago

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POST

Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"

35points

BobTDG 2 years ago

My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.

16points

Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago

The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.

23points

Jessica254 2 years ago

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lili 2 years ago

22points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.

10points

Tabernus 2 years ago

2points

Pamela Cristina Buss 2 years ago

I was taught about stranger danger, but was also taught to be nice and accept any contact by any family members, even if you don't like them... Guess what.

0points

Shane S 2 years ago

Not giving their kids body independence. Don’t make your kids kiss, hug, or embrace someone they don’t want to. It teaches kids that their body is community property and they can’t say no.

14points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

A thousand times yes

4points

Lsai Aeon 2 years ago

6points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

5points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

4points

Memere 2 years ago

4points

Memere 2 years ago (edited)

5points

Amy Taylor 2 years ago

A lot of triggers in these for me :( I guess the best I can do is to do better by my daughters and break the cycle of dysfunction in my family.

4points

JMC5003 2 years ago

Please talk to someone about what you've been through. It's hard work, but so very worth it.

0points

Alya 2 years ago

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Alya, I think you're very brave. It's definitely not to late to build the life you want and deserve. I wish you all the very best!

1point

Alya 2 years ago

I'm saving this as a good reference point for things to discuss with my therapist lol So much of this genuinely hit so close to home and refreshed my memory of a lot of things

3points

Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago

I'm glad my parents did none of these

3points

KimB 2 years ago

2points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

0points

Seabeast 2 years ago

It's a pity that just anyone can become a parent as long as they conceive the child themselves. No training, no background check.

2points

BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago

I'm so happy things like this are getting more well known. I have 2 young kids and I'd like to mess them up as little as possible.

2points

H M 2 years ago

2points

Vira 2 years ago

This makes it sound like it's okay to accuse kids, because they can change. That's pretty gross.

0points

Stardust 2 years ago (edited)

2points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

Gifts make me uncomfortable, too. I don't think he's showing too much love. Love would mean respecting your boundaries.

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

1point

chiizu !! 2 years ago (edited)

1point

Ken Schroeder 2 months ago

0points

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

0points

Bhushan Kulkarni 2 years ago

https://youtu.be/gEowvFHel64

0points

Serena 2 years ago

0points

Amy Broderick 2 years ago

0points

LittleLiz 2 years ago

0points

FruityTootsieRoll 2 years ago

0points

Twizzy 2 years ago

0points

Gabriel Gawrada 2 years ago (edited)

0points

Cheyenne 2 years ago

OMG I think my mom founded the freaking Clean Plate Club. I must have hear that a bajillion times when I was coming up. I hated it.

0points

Pandaroo 2 years ago

Yet it's us childfree ones who are selfish. Yeah right.

0points

Juan Alcorta 2 years ago

-2points

Vira 2 years ago

3points