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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term

Having a healthy and emotionally stable environment is crucial for a child's well-being, but, like pretty much everything else in our world – parents are not perfect.

There's no one right way to become this flawless individual that'll spare their offspring of all the distress. Ideally, a parent will be there to support, encourage and guide their kid throughout the not-so-great periods of life while also allowing them to be independent. Yet, not every person is aware that the things they assume they do "out of love" are not loving at all.

"What was your parents' biggest mistake in raising you?" – an online user took it to one of Reddit's most informative communities to find out about people's parents and things they've done wrong in terms of their upbringing. The question has managed to receive over 4.3K upvotes alongside 2.9K worth of comments discussing some Redditors' troubled childhood.

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term I was one of those gifted kids that do very well in school without much effort. My parents were used to it so they never praised me for my results and expected me to always do good by default. This resulted in me thinking that very good was just average, and constantly striving for perfection in any aspect of my life. This led to countless problems that I needed therapy to solve.

_FreakLikeYou_ , Lars Plougmann Report

Final score:

246points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Giving me no privacy. My parents snooped way too much. Searching my clothes draws for hidden things, checking my phone, eavesdropping on my conversations, talking about my private life to their friends as if it was hot gossip, spying me when i was out, asking their friends to report in if they ever saw me out and around, checking my mail, checking the computer history every time i used it, listening to my CD’s to check they were appropriate, arranging additional meetings with my teachers to ask about me, asking me personal questions all the time. Basically not giving me any space to just be me.

They also made a lot of jokes about me to other people, right in front of my face. I often felt like i was their pet more than an actual human.

I’m now deeply self-conscious and suspicious as a result. I always have this feeling that people are watching and judging me.

Edit: reading it back, that all sounds minor. But believe me when i say i didn’t have even once second of privacy and they went to extreme lengths to find out every single thing i was doing at all times even when i was out of the house. They would then share that information about me with their friends and colleagues, like i was just a piece of gossip or a tv storyline.

whymyheadhurt , THX0477 Report

Final score:

240points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Wayyyyy too sheltered. I will definitely shelter my kids to an extent and raise them right but my parents took it to the extreme. I was only allowed to play with religious children and wasn't allowed to watch movies besides basically Disney movies until I was in High School. This led to a pretty rebellious phase when I was around 15 that I think could have been avoided if my parents weren't so strict.

CrispyCrunchyPoptart , Nenad Stojkovic Report

Final score:

202points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term the way they used to communicate through me because they wouldn't speak to each other after they seperated. when I had to deliver a message from one parent that the other one didn't like, I was the one who was yelled at, and both of them asked me to side with them instead of the other. there was no way to win, because I always either made mummy sad or daddy sad. good times.

thingstooverthink , Michael Coghlan Report

Final score:

195points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Leaving me to my own devices so long as my grades were good. Not teaching me much of anything outside of knowing right from wrong. Outside of being kept alive I pretty much raised myself.

Wyzeman3283 , Michael Scialdone Report

Final score:

191points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term 1. Teaching it’s never OK to lie is an awful life lesson for keeping yourself out of trouble.
2. Being a “member of the clean plate club” teaches kids to keep eating when they’re full.
3. teaching that the man is head of household, when that doesn’t work in a lot of relationships.

Donler , respiritu Report

Final score:

186points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term My mom always meant well but I have body dysmorphia for life. I’m sharing because if any parents are reading this you should be diligent about how you talk about your body in front of your kids. Don’t talk about needing to lose or gain weight unless it’s for health reasons. Don’t put yourself down about how you look in front of your kids. This creates doubt and body image issues from the jump and that sticks with you forever.

Chereke , Sharron Report

Final score:

175points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never admitting that they did something wrong. An example is that when I was in second grade my mom would literally yell and scold me because she thought that HAVE was spelled HAV, and that also confused me with the word HAD. Even though at school the teachers and everyone else spelled HAVE, when I got home she would scold me for spelling it correctly until I told her that that's how everyone else spelled it. She just looked at the paper and never said a word about it again.

So now I always think that whatever I'm doing is wrong or if something did go wrong and was clearly out of my control I still get nervous.

NotBorris , Ivan Radic Report

Final score:

170points

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taking away sports every time I got a C in school. I will NEVER take away my future kids passions. Does not matter if it is sports, art, music, or anything else. Don't know if the frustration of that will ever dissipate for me. That was my outlet that was severely needed.

jomo1322 , Jamie Smed Report

Final score:

168points

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#10

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Keeping me /s

Honestly, it would have been nice to hear they were proud of me - just once, don’t want to overdo it.

Few_Faithlessness796 , Gerry Dincher Report

Final score:

162points

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#11

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Violently screaming at me for bad grades or poor performance in sports.

I think it had the opposite effect where I became afraid of making any mistakes, which would lead to more mistakes. Feel like if your kid is underperforming in any way, there’s a way to talk to them without making them feel stupid for f*****g up. There are better ways to motivate them.

theMAJdragon , Maks Karochkin Report

Final score:

160points

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#12

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never apologizing for anything and then taking it a level up by denying certain things were even f**k ups.

dzogchenism , Ksionic Report

Final score:

156points

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#13

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They didn’t take any interest in my interests. So now I’m 30 with parents I have virtually nothing in common with. It makes dinner chitchat very depressing for me.

King_Kingly , Richard Masoner Report

Final score:

150points

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#14

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not teaching me anything about financial responsibility.

wee_man , Nenad Stojkovic Report

Final score:

143points

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#15

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never teaching me to be independent. My guardian was obsessed with keeping me way too close and I was always sheltered and now I'm alone and don't know how to function

22poppills , aaron gilson Report

Final score:

130points

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#16

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Well my dad's f*****g great but my mother, constant screaming for everything, depriving me of any and all food a lot of the time, punishment for things someone else did, invasion of privacy, not giving a f**k about my mental health, not giving up custody to my dad, constantly degrading me

DemonicAtomic , Chris Yarzab Report

Final score:

127points

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#17

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Expecting me to have the same grades, activities, and social lives as my older siblings.

BillyJoeFootballIII , Sharron Report

Final score:

115points

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#18

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term If I had a problem, first thing they said to me "its your fault".

dell02 , Jonathan Cutrer Report

Final score:

114points

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#19

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taught me nothing about nutrition, let me eat junk, and made excuses for my obesity. Took me 10 years as an adult to finally take responsibility for myself and shed the weight.

rawbface , Tony Alter Report

Final score:

108points

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#20

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Due to them giving me insane social anxiety, I now have the social skills of the new kid in elementary school. I can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes without making people uncomfortable. I have proceeded to lose all of my friends due to this and am now sad and lonely.

wokenphoenix , woodleywonderworks Report

Final score:

103points

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Jacob Nunez 2 years ago

Damn now I wish I had a Reddit account so I can be this persons friend.

61points

Griffin McKinley 2 years ago

How'd you escape BP censors!

8points

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Stardust 2 years ago

Me too

5points

O5-1 2 years ago

Me f*****g to brother/sister me f*****g to

2points

Tilly 2 years ago

Well get one then. It's easy. I was always the one to friend the friendless. Inwas usually friendless too.i have social weirdness too. So we always got along. Like I'm friends with someone at work who is socially awkward. No one else will friend her. It's sad. She is a great person.

1point

Jodagoatisagoat 2 years ago

Let's make a club of friends for this guy. I was bullied, and I still am, but now I have social anxiety. We can talk to each other if needed! Anybody want in?

7points

Stardust 2 years ago

Yes, hello Jodagoatisagoat. How are you? :)

4points

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Dan 2 years ago

I'm so sorry for you. I can't relate but if you need to vent I'm ok with you doing so

4points

Jodagoatisagoat 2 years ago

Meh. Does being told you should be in a psychiatric ward count as bullying? Cause that was done by my cousin...

3points

Izzy Curer 2 years ago

I would join this club

3points

VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 2 years ago (edited)

Hi :D can I join?

0points

Audra Sisler 2 years ago

(((HUGE HUGS))) I have no friends either...... So sorry😞

6points

Stardust 2 years ago

I can be your friend Audra :) you can talk to me about anything

5points

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Thomas Hunt, Jr. 2 years ago

I have extreme social anxiety issues as well. Whole bucket load of social issues. 44 years old and I want absolutely nothing to do with society for the rest of my life. Turned my back on it 22 years ago.

4points

Scott Crowell 2 years ago

You can talk to me anytime.

4points

Carter Allen 2 years ago

If it helps, I'll be your friend

2points

Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

When I got to college, I was finally free of my social anxiety, and it was a great confidence boost. I spent the next forty years of my life feeling confident. Body confident, socially confident, smart, funny, and the people I know would agree with that assessment. But, I am immunocompromised, and the pandemic really shut me down. I have been largely alone, and my mom died. And I feel like I'm back where I was when I was thirteen. I feel awkward on the street, I have no confidence at all.

1point

Phyzzi 2 years ago

I know it doesn't help much, but the pandemic did that to many in different degrees. You are not alone, so at least don't feel bad for having this response, and also it sounds like you were able to work through it at one point, which means that, with some help, your chances of working through it again are good.

0points

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Carbonel 2 years ago

I’m not doubting this, but I would be interested to hear what it was the parents did that created the social anxiety.

1point

ursula zaid 2 years ago

Me too..this is important..otherwise it could be how that person is..some people.are just awkward.

0points

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Sheena Morrison 2 years ago

I would love to be a penpal. You can talk without the face to face stuff.

1point

bugsway Frisk 2 years ago (edited)

I have a 20 year old grandson in college, with the same problem. I don't know how to fix it.

1point

Terry Butler 2 years ago

Same. In the past five years, I've learned a few things from my family member that seem to help: 1. Respect their feelings/beliefs. Don't moralize or preach. 2. Respect the friendships they have through social media. Don't push for them to enhance those friendships through in-person interaction. 3. Be available for in-person and online interaction, and keep things low-key when you do get together. 4. Focus on the life they are living now, and be positive and encouraging with them. Hope that helps a little. Best wishes!

3points

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Eliza Repina 2 years ago

I can relate. My mother basically taught me to always talk bad about people the moment they turn their back. Growing up for me that meant thinking everyone I talk to will say something bad about me the moment I leave. 14 years of therapy have helped to a point where I don't need anti-anxiety medication anymore but all those issues I have because of my mother's way of treating people will never go away completely.

0points

Raimei Ai 2 years ago

Same. We could b friends! I am waaaay too upfront about the crazy in my life and the crazy that I am! Scars people away. Meh. If they can't handle me, who needs em!?

0points

LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago

Yup. I moved away, worked extremely hard to get beyond that and do better. Two years ago I moved back to my hometown and they're still doing it, only now my sister is part of it as well. I had a moment of clarity this week though, they're going to be angry but I'm about to set boundaries. The way they make me feel under the excuse of "we're just saying" isn't ok.

0points

Kim Dewhurst 2 years ago

I to am like this.. please seek some help .. life can be better..

0points

Kelly Jo 2 years ago

Relatable

0points

Trisha Howson 2 years ago

I am a person that sometimes makes or says awkward things mostly because I'm a dork and because of my dad

0points

Selina Ballard 2 years ago

This is sad. I’m the opposite. Been getting in trouble for talking to much since kindergarten. I’m a Nurse so it all worked out..

0points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

What did they do to encourage social.anxiety tho?

0points

Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

Modeling it.

0points

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Baby Fratelli 2 years ago

This is a long and not very productive path, but! A lot of people become more extroverted in another language, when the words seem to have less weight to them

0points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

Is this true ?!

0points

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#21

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Mom's personality is very complicated and toxic, but what I really hated as a kid was that she didn't want me to grow up. She didn't teach me how to do laundry, pack my clothes, how to swim, anything. She was also overly protective and I still cope with bunch of irrational fears as an adult.

When I was 11 I was really ashamed that kids my age are much more self-sufficient. She was sabotaging me anytime I tried to do some 'adult' stuff like cooking, taking care of myself, nothing illegal - I was well behaved kid. At this time she started ruining our relationship with her behavior, I feel like she hates me for growing up and not being baby anymore

kralicek16 , Ernest James Report

Final score:

95points

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#22

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They let their fear of dealing with their own trauma turn into causing and ignoring mine.

ViridianBella , HS You Report

Final score:

92points

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#23

Ladling out too much guilt and shame. They are not motivational forces for me to be “better”, in fact quite the opposite was true

Also telling me that I wasn’t good at math. Sure, it wasn’t my strongest subject. But don’t tell a kid that they will never ever succeed at a subject due to some inherent shortcomings

Playing favourites. My brother was allowed to grow marijuana as an “experiment “ by my very straight laced and anti drug parents. In fact they were enthusiastically supportive. Not so much for me. That’s just one example. Basically he could have pissed in my face and our folks would have blamed me. They always made me feel like I was inadequate because I wasn’t like him. My brother is a classic grandiose narcissist.

anon Report

Final score:

89points

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#24

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Complete apathy.

My parents basically never got involved in me or my siblings' lives. Never attended things like school plays or parents evenings, never cared about how things were going or what was going on. So long as we didn't get into trouble and didn't cause them problems they didn't care and took no interest. "Anything for peace and quiet" as my mother frequently said.

As such, because they never tried to be a part of my life, they effectively aren't a part of my life anymore. We only speak out of obligation, and not very often at that.

Nambot Report

Final score:

88points

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#25

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They haven't tried to motivate me for anything.

traveler9o , Miika Silfverberg Report

Final score:

80points

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#26

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Forcing me to be a member of their cult under the threat of homelessness.

SlyCoopersButt , charcoal soul Report

Final score:

79points

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#27

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not being supportive, not dealing with the abuse I suffered from family and school. Pretty much anything that involves my mental health was neglected. Being taught that women were pure and men were c**p, which lead to abuse from women in my adult life cause it had to have been some wrong I've done. Being told is was ugly and I would be inadequate for a woman. I could really keep going for ages on this.

Mr_AsmodeusOfFraggle , tamckile Report

Final score:

76points

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#28

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Spoiling us and always doing the chores. We ended up being lazy mfers. I'm currently procrastinating writing this.

kazemaru04 , Carlo Cabanilla Report

Final score:

71points

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#29

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term The total lack of boundaries based on the believe that they had raised us to be responsible and smart, even though clear evidence were present that we were not.

ir_blues , Leonid Mamchenkov Report

Final score:

64points

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#30

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not enough discipline

RolfSonOfAShepard420 , Joopey Report

Final score:

61points

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#31

Taking me to a non-denominational, pentecostal like church that was a breath away from being a cult. I went from the time I was born until around 17. Years old. We went on average three times a week, twice on Sunday. It's hard to understand all that is going on when you are that young. It's hard to understand it now.

When the gifts of the spirit started progressing and coming into play more during the services , I could only put together pieces that I could comprehend. As a result, I literally thought the preacher's could read my mind. As a result I did what I could to stay out of sight and out of mind which was easy since I was a middle child anyway. But when I would get pulled up to the prayer line I would try extra hard to hide things in the back of my brain. That taught me early on how to compartmentalize and section off parts of myself and especially my emotions. I would be scared when I was up there. If I shed a tear everyone around me would celebrate the the spirit was acting on me. I was crying because I was scared and didn't want to be there.

movealong123 Report

Final score:

25points

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#32

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Telling me I was gifted. No, mom I'm not a genius I'm just good at tests.

Also, not getting me on ADHD meds. It would have solved so many homework related problems.

brumagem , Pleuntje Report

Final score:

21points

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#33

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not making health a priority.

H1ghwayun1corn , Nenad Stojkovic Report

Final score:

20points

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#34

Besides not taking care of me until i was eight, i would say when they actually parented me, they messed up by putting me on a restrictive diet in 3rd grade.

While kids were having fun and talking at lunch, i was memorizing what calories each food had.

I was not unhealthy, i was a growing kid and of course i still had baby fat.

Putting me in said diet made me learn about 'bad' foods which led to developing an eating disorder that i'm only just now recovering from, i became healthy on my own, no thanks to them.

scarfaceandferret Report

Final score:

19points

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#35

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term My mom never stood up for herself or us, and let our father scream at us and take his anger out on us. She’s still with him and won’t apologize for letting him mistreat us.

edgyusername123 , Malcolm Murdoch Report

Final score:

18points

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#36

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not communicating with me, on my graduation my mother actually said "even though we dont help her, she still has honor"

They also said im just "shy" then i started high school, it turns out i developed social anxiety

WindyYeet , Quinn Dombrowski Report

Final score:

18points

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#37

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They cared but not about the right things. They took the easy way out with me. I was reprimanded but not taught
. 0 communication

AmyVawda , Mr.TinMD Report

Final score:

17points

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#38

I want to preface this by saying I think I got as lucky as you can with parents. They were consistently supportive, allowed me a lot of independence and trust, and respected boundaries. They were the kind I could call in high school for a ride home if a party got weird. They are generous, not just with me but everyone around them. I am still very close with them and both my brothers.

However, the one area where I think they messed up was in regards to my body. They were very critical of my weight throughout my childhood and teen years. I was never a tiny kid but I wasn't very large, I was a pretty standard size kid for the most part. I played a lot of sports. But my mom was very much a 'do you really need that' type of person with snacks and grocery shopping. They were both very self-critical and into fad diets. When I was a teenager I quit my major sport and as a result put on some weight. At the time I thought I was so fat but looking back I was a size 12 for all of high school. But my parents leveled up the criticism, they got me a Wii Fit for my 16th birthday and mentioned my weight a lot. In another universe I definitely would have had a nasty eating disorder but on the contrast I became very resistant to health and wellness, I hate the gym and I'm weirdly resistant to trying to eat better.

Given all of that I haven't gotten too unhealthy. I'm a bigger girl, between a size 14-18 but nothing extreme. And I've worked really hard to unlearn a lot of that and remind myself that my weight is unrelated to my worth as a person. I'm actually eating healthier now and have learned to make piece with my appearance. My parents still pushed that for a long time, my dad asked every time I saw him if I had started going to the gym yet. My brother finally told them off a couple years back (they never criticized my brothers weight or health at all and both of them had weight fluctuations) and called them out for the harmful behavior. To their credit, they listened, they apologized, and they corrected the behavior.

There is no good that comes from being critical of your child's weight or appearance. A child's body is going to change and fluctuate and grow. Sometimes that involves gaining weight. If you are genuinely concerned for their health go see a doctor, do not try and get them on a diet yourself. Shaming them isn't helpful, as I mentioned it made me highly resistant to a lot of health and wellness. And looking back, I wasn't unhealthy. At least not any more so than an average teenager. I gained weight after quitting a sport where I practiced 12-15 hours a week which happened to be the same time my breasts and hips developed. It happens.

missluluh Report

Final score:

17points

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#39

Telling me I’m smart enough to do whatever I want. It seems as though I’ve spent most of my 37 years annoyed that I’m not doing what I want.

pomonamike Report

Final score:

14points

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#40

My mom never showed herself a lot of self love when I (25F) was growing up. Whenever we took pictures she would say to delete it because she didn’t look good. She constantly talked about being too over weight (when she wasn’t even that big) or her crows feet were too prominent when smiling. I have terrible body image and find it hard to love the imperfections about myself.

My mom is a beautiful women with the kindest soul and not hearing her realize that kinda messed with me. Family friends and people in our community constantly called me her mini me growing up because of how much I looked like her.

It’s not as bad now but in high school I’d take pictures with my friends and think of all the things my mom didn’t find beautiful about her and I would find those same qualities in me, so I didn’t think she’d find me beautiful. She would also, still does to this day actually, make small comments of my weight.

Edit: added a lil more backstory

kjhollaaaa Report

Final score:

13points

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#41

Letting me fight my own battles...

sinister_lordVader Report

Final score:

-9points

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Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump.

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Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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What do you think ?

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Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"

35points

BobTDG 2 years ago

My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.

16points

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Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago

The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.

23points

Jessica254 2 years ago

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lili 2 years ago

One I'd like to add... Saying that you need to listen to any adult and do what they say, just because they are an adult. It could've been a complete stranger, but since they are an adult you should listen. I've been r-ped, i still seek external validation for everything, javascript:void(0);and even though it always hurts me in the end, I am still over trusting.

22points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.

10points

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Tabernus 2 years ago

Sending you big hugs. I have two girls, I have absolutely raised them not to just accept people touching their hair or to 'respect their elders, they respect people because they are people, they question everything and they take no s**t. I'm proud of them and when I speak to their teachers they back up that they are polite and respectful in school ... Just don't take the p**s.

2points

Pamela Cristina Buss 2 years ago

I was taught about stranger danger, but was also taught to be nice and accept any contact by any family members, even if you don't like them... Guess what.

0points

Shane S 2 years ago

Not giving their kids body independence. Don’t make your kids kiss, hug, or embrace someone they don’t want to. It teaches kids that their body is community property and they can’t say no.

14points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

A thousand times yes

4points

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Lsai Aeon 2 years ago

The majority of these are my entire family. The worst of it was, I was adopted. They constantly reminded me of that, that I was thrown away by my real family and they got stuck with me. I was never wanted, never belonged, still don't. My mother's still doing it to me, and I can't get out. She treats my son good, though.

6points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

1. Telling me that I can't know that I'm gay because I've never had sex with a woman and then being surprised as I proceeded to have sex with all the boys. 2. Acting as if they never made mistakes. I didn't talk to them about things because I figured they couldn't possibly understand what it felt like to mess up.

5points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

I wish that they’d explained to me that there are times when it’s *okay* to hit people. I could’ve saved myself a couple of years of on and off harassment from various assholes at school and at the park. If someone’s hitting you, you’re allowed to hit back.

4points

Memere 2 years ago

1 of 2: The one I was looking for was "parentification". One definition is "Using your children as unpaid help is an example of parentification. A form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. A child is used by the parent to fulfil their own needs — leading to the child's becoming secondary." My parents did this to me. When I was 7, they moved us to a farm, three weeks before my school let out for the summer. They packed up the house, took my 3 younger siblings with them, & left me with a neighbor for 3 straight weeks. They picked me up after school was done & I became a 7 year old farmhand, helping take care of 60 laying hens - mom sold eggs for money because siblings were too young for school. When the youngest finally started school, mom went back to work as a nurse full-time, and I was expected to babysit the "kids", make sure they did homework, make sure I did my homework, feed the cattle, and do prep for dinner.

4points

Memere 2 years ago (edited)

2 of 2: Add on to all that - if my siblings didn't do their homework or chores, guess who got yelled at. Yep, ME. It was always my fault they didn't do their chores, and if I tried to make them, then they "tattled" that I was "mean" to them & I got punished double. I left home when I was 19, and never really went back. The only time I did was right after leaving an abusive ex, and when my house burned down, and those were both only for about 6 weeks. And my siblings are puzzled that I don't "worship" my parents, especially my father, smh. They have very different memories.

5points

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Amy Taylor 2 years ago

A lot of triggers in these for me :( I guess the best I can do is to do better by my daughters and break the cycle of dysfunction in my family.

4points

JMC5003 2 years ago

Please talk to someone about what you've been through. It's hard work, but so very worth it.

0points

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Alya 2 years ago

Adding one of my own: not allowing me an education. Highly religious parents, so I wasn't allowed to go to public school out of fear of "corruption". Because of that I was homeschooled, but my mom was an entirely unfit teacher so even the work that i managed to get done on my own she never made any transcripts for. This also came with major isolation where I only got to see people at church on Sunday (if they decided to even go, they didn't like to leave the house) But I hope to one day help any teens in similar situations, even if just giving them some hope as an example. I got my GED this year on my first attempt. I'm moving in a couple weeks from my tiny town they stuck me in to a big city for school and an opportunity to meet people. Looking back, I never imagined myself being where I am now. It seemed so hopeless being locked away but I'm striving to accept that I'm strong and intelligent, even though my mom spent my entire life telling me the complete opposite.

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Alya, I think you're very brave. It's definitely not to late to build the life you want and deserve. I wish you all the very best!

1point

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Alya 2 years ago

I'm saving this as a good reference point for things to discuss with my therapist lol So much of this genuinely hit so close to home and refreshed my memory of a lot of things

3points

Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago

I'm glad my parents did none of these

3points

KimB 2 years ago

Forcing your religious beliefs on your children. That was the only thing my parents were guilty of. If I tried to refuse I was grounded. I made it very clear at a young age I didn't believe what I was told by the Catholic Church and I was forced to go until after made my confirmation in the eighth grade. After my confirmation I never went to church again with the exception of my grandparents funerals.

2points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

Raised in a lower middle class suburban Catholic household in an upper middle class WASP town. One of like 3 Caths in my whole grade and the other ones didn’t even go to our church, they went to an “Italian church” (we’re Irish so we drove two towns over lol, that’s sooo New Jersey *facepalm* ) Anyway got revenge on my wicked grandma after confirmation and never went back to her church, even for her funeral. I went goth, so my CCD classes were put to good use! Also I married a non-white person. In a Protestant church ;D He’s a good man. We aren’t having kids. Oh, family!

0points

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Seabeast 2 years ago

It's a pity that just anyone can become a parent as long as they conceive the child themselves. No training, no background check.

2points

BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago

I'm so happy things like this are getting more well known. I have 2 young kids and I'd like to mess them up as little as possible.

2points

H M 2 years ago

Still, we grow up, unless we are badly mistreated, we're adults, we can change. I was told clean your plate , I had cult religion parents, no outside activities or friends, and all that, I moved on. My eating changed even the food, more home grown veg and such, not religious.

2points

Vira 2 years ago

This makes it sound like it's okay to accuse kids, because they can change. That's pretty gross.

0points

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Stardust 2 years ago (edited)

My father is messing me up by showing too much love. He buys the most expensive stuff for me even though I don’t want them. I feel really guilty because of it. He he also forces me to hug him even though I make it clear that I don’t enjoy them at all.

2points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

Gifts make me uncomfortable, too. I don't think he's showing too much love. Love would mean respecting your boundaries.

3points

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Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Reading all of this was really difficult because I related to so much of it, but I wanted to read everything, because people need to have their stories heard, their pain witnessed. I also wanted to say one more thing. It is possible to take the pain and abuse of childhood and transform it into something that makes you stronger, kinder, and braver. For me, it meant therapy and medication at times. But it can be done. None of us are "broken", we've just been tempered in some serious fires.

1point

chiizu !! 2 years ago (edited)

one that i'm really surprised wasn't mentioned was hitting your children or threatening them. that doesn't help anyone at all, even if you're doing it because you genuinely believe that's the way to parent them. only makes your kids better at not crying when they get hurt, not knowing what's considered right and wrong, and becoming self-destructive bc they don't fear pain. any parents in the comments who do this- please stop, this is one thing you shouldn't pass down to younger generations.

1point

Ken Schroeder 2 months ago

I was "gifted" as a child, but my parents couldn't accept letting me be fostered weekly to attend an 'advanced" school, so I was kept in a small-town school with teachers who had no idea how to challenge me. Instead, they just pointed out to the other kids how much smarter I was. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but the teachers made me the most unpopular kid in school and put me into counseling for most of my adult life. I've tried very hard not to blame you, but damn...

0points

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

Unfortunately I still live with my parents (this is something my mom does though) but for me it’s a couple things: Crying is shameful Anger is a bad emotion Be afraid of everything, because you are always at risk of being hurt You can never have social media because you might get kidnapped by a pr*dator (even though I knew not to do that by age 9) That’s just a few things that have already scarred me for life…

0points

Bhushan Kulkarni 2 years ago

https://youtu.be/gEowvFHel64

0points

Serena 2 years ago

At the end of the day parents are just people who happen to have kids. I read this as a parent looking to get some more tips into what to do/not do. The involvement one really hit home for me and is something I can improve on.

0points

Amy Broderick 2 years ago

I guess my biggest one is Parentification. I was in charge and babysat constantly but had no power. So only could watch my siblings do s**t and then get in trouble for it later even though I couldn't stop them or I would get in trouble for that. I was in charge of getting them ready for school every day, I babysat every weekend, and I had basically no social life. I learned quickly to cook and clean the entire house before I asked for anything. So I'm near 50 and I still feel responsible for my siblings even though they are grown adults. But of course if you ask my mother about any of this she will deny it. Classic narcissist.

0points

LittleLiz 2 years ago

Not letting them in (at an appropriate level) on what you're going through. My aunt had a panic attack when my (15yo) younger cousin said something while frustrated that brought up old trauma (basically that she causes chaos and stress). She didn't want to dump her problems on her kids, but I told her that she needs to talk with them about these things because they want to know how to avoid hurting her and she should be able to trust them because they're her family.

0points

FruityTootsieRoll 2 years ago

Not taking accountability/blaming is a big one for me. I once got yelled at, smacked over the head by my step mom for close to 45 minutes. What did I do? My backpack wasn't organized. I was called selfish, stupid, and manipulative over a backpack. I was like 13-14 at the time. When my dad tried to talk to her, she just says stuff like "Oh so I guess I'M the bad guy here RIGHT?" and "She needs to step the f**k up, she's not a child anymore." Ironic thing is, she always tells me I'm an adult when it's convenient. but as SOON as I do something moderately "adult" I get told I'm "too young for that" because I'm "Just a child and don't know anything"

0points

Twizzy 2 years ago

The thing that pops in my head is wondering how the parents were raised, I'm not saying anything they did was right. Just a little story my dad shared with me years ago, he grew up on farm and one night when he was in high school my grandfather took my three aunts and grandma into town for dinner and my dad had to stay and watch the farm, well that night he used the tractor to go to the neighbors house and drop off a letter, later that night he was pulled out of bed by my grandpa and whipped with a belt. Sometimes thinking about how the parents were raised can shed some light on why they do what they do, it doesn't excuse what they do but it might just help the child understand why. My dad has never laid a hand on me or brother's if anyone is wondering.

0points

Gabriel Gawrada 2 years ago (edited)

This one is so obvious it's odd you overlooked it. 'Staying together for the kids'. Some of these are just wingeing; at some point you have to grow a pair, acknowledge that no one's perfect(including yourself) and move on. Give credit where it's due(if any) and decide you can do better. Then do it and stop blaming; you alone decide whether you're a victim.

0points

Cheyenne 2 years ago

OMG I think my mom founded the freaking Clean Plate Club. I must have hear that a bajillion times when I was coming up. I hated it.

0points

Pandaroo 2 years ago

Yet it's us childfree ones who are selfish. Yeah right.

0points

Juan Alcorta 2 years ago

This post makes me so sad. You´re a parent, not a super hero, and there´re no manuals of how to be a perfect dad/mum, yet you were brought up in such a fine way that you´re able to discuss what´s good or bad. That´s something some people can´t do because they´ve known nothing better. They can´t discern good from bad. Hopefully you´ll be a parent someday and perhaps make mistakes too, and let´s hope your children don´t make an article out of it.

-2points

Vira 2 years ago

Being an awful person isn't excusable. This isn't just a small mistake, either. These are abusive, damaging, and long-term effects. You act like it's okay to repeatedly damage a child. Are you abusive?

3points

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jessica nora 2 years ago

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Deanna Crichley 2 years ago

Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"

35points

BobTDG 2 years ago

My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.

16points

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Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago

The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.

23points

Jessica254 2 years ago

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lili 2 years ago

22points

ursula zaid 2 years ago

I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.

10points

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Tabernus 2 years ago

2points

Pamela Cristina Buss 2 years ago

I was taught about stranger danger, but was also taught to be nice and accept any contact by any family members, even if you don't like them... Guess what.

0points

Shane S 2 years ago

Not giving their kids body independence. Don’t make your kids kiss, hug, or embrace someone they don’t want to. It teaches kids that their body is community property and they can’t say no.

14points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

A thousand times yes

4points

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Lsai Aeon 2 years ago

6points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

5points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

4points

Memere 2 years ago

4points

Memere 2 years ago (edited)

5points

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Amy Taylor 2 years ago

A lot of triggers in these for me :( I guess the best I can do is to do better by my daughters and break the cycle of dysfunction in my family.

4points

JMC5003 2 years ago

Please talk to someone about what you've been through. It's hard work, but so very worth it.

0points

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Alya 2 years ago

3points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Alya, I think you're very brave. It's definitely not to late to build the life you want and deserve. I wish you all the very best!

1point

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Alya 2 years ago

I'm saving this as a good reference point for things to discuss with my therapist lol So much of this genuinely hit so close to home and refreshed my memory of a lot of things

3points

Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago

I'm glad my parents did none of these

3points

KimB 2 years ago

2points

Kar Red Roses 2 years ago

0points

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Seabeast 2 years ago

It's a pity that just anyone can become a parent as long as they conceive the child themselves. No training, no background check.

2points

BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago

I'm so happy things like this are getting more well known. I have 2 young kids and I'd like to mess them up as little as possible.

2points

H M 2 years ago

2points

Vira 2 years ago

This makes it sound like it's okay to accuse kids, because they can change. That's pretty gross.

0points

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Stardust 2 years ago (edited)

2points

Shine Chisholm 2 years ago

Gifts make me uncomfortable, too. I don't think he's showing too much love. Love would mean respecting your boundaries.

3points

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Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

1point

chiizu !! 2 years ago (edited)

1point

Ken Schroeder 2 months ago

0points

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

0points

Bhushan Kulkarni 2 years ago

https://youtu.be/gEowvFHel64

0points

Serena 2 years ago

0points

Amy Broderick 2 years ago

0points

LittleLiz 2 years ago

0points

FruityTootsieRoll 2 years ago

0points

Twizzy 2 years ago

0points

Gabriel Gawrada 2 years ago (edited)

0points

Cheyenne 2 years ago

OMG I think my mom founded the freaking Clean Plate Club. I must have hear that a bajillion times when I was coming up. I hated it.

0points

Pandaroo 2 years ago

Yet it's us childfree ones who are selfish. Yeah right.

0points

Juan Alcorta 2 years ago

-2points

Vira 2 years ago

3points

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jessica nora 2 years ago

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Teresa995 2 years ago

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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term

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