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Having a healthy and emotionally stable environment is crucial for a child's well-being, but, like pretty much everything else in our world – parents are not perfect. 

There's no one right way to become this flawless individual that'll spare their offspring of all the distress. Ideally, a parent will be there to support, encourage and guide their kid throughout the not-so-great periods of life while also allowing them to be independent. Yet, not every person is aware that the things they assume they do "out of love" are not loving at all.

"What was your parents' biggest mistake in raising you?" – an online user took it to one of Reddit's most informative communities to find out about people's parents and things they've done wrong in terms of their upbringing. The question has managed to receive over 4.3K upvotes alongside 2.9K worth of comments discussing some Redditors' troubled childhood. 

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#1

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term I was one of those gifted kids that do very well in school without much effort. My parents were used to it so they never praised me for my results and expected me to always do good by default. This resulted in me thinking that very good was just average, and constantly striving for perfection in any aspect of my life. This led to countless problems that I needed therapy to solve.

_FreakLikeYou_ , Lars Plougmann Report

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Spellflinger
Spellflinger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a similar experience. My mother never went to see my teachers with the reasoning there was no need as I did not struggle like my sister (my mother always went to my sister’s parent teacher nights). Other than that there was no acknowledgement for my abilities which made me think they were not important and didn’t matter and it left me desperate for recognition of any kind. And yes this was dealt with in therapy.

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#2

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Giving me no privacy. My parents snooped way too much. Searching my clothes draws for hidden things, checking my phone, eavesdropping on my conversations, talking about my private life to their friends as if it was hot gossip, spying me when i was out, asking their friends to report in if they ever saw me out and around, checking my mail, checking the computer history every time i used it, listening to my CD’s to check they were appropriate, arranging additional meetings with my teachers to ask about me, asking me personal questions all the time. Basically not giving me any space to just be me.

They also made a lot of jokes about me to other people, right in front of my face. I often felt like i was their pet more than an actual human.

I’m now deeply self-conscious and suspicious as a result. I always have this feeling that people are watching and judging me.

Edit: reading it back, that all sounds minor. But believe me when i say i didn’t have even once second of privacy and they went to extreme lengths to find out every single thing i was doing at all times even when i was out of the house. They would then share that information about me with their friends and colleagues, like i was just a piece of gossip or a tv storyline.

whymyheadhurt , THX0477 Report

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#3

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Wayyyyy too sheltered. I will definitely shelter my kids to an extent and raise them right but my parents took it to the extreme. I was only allowed to play with religious children and wasn't allowed to watch movies besides basically Disney movies until I was in High School. This led to a pretty rebellious phase when I was around 15 that I think could have been avoided if my parents weren't so strict.

CrispyCrunchyPoptart , Nenad Stojkovic Report

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bagladyele avatar
𝖊𝖆
𝖊𝖆
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids need boundaries of course, but as they get older you need to start widening them. Give them space to grow and mature and learn for themselves. My Nan used to say children are like springs, if you try and hold it too tightly, eventually it will let loose and go wild. If they can’t make any decisions for themselves it can be overwhelming when they have complete freedom.

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#4

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term the way they used to communicate through me because they wouldn't speak to each other after they seperated. when I had to deliver a message from one parent that the other one didn't like, I was the one who was yelled at, and both of them asked me to side with them instead of the other. there was no way to win, because I always either made mummy sad or daddy sad. good times.

thingstooverthink , Michael Coghlan Report

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Amy Taylor
Amy Taylor
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, lord was this my childhood. I also couldn't bring up their names around each other, had to lie about seeing my dad to my mom, it was so toxic and sad. It took my mother getting a terminal illness for them to bury the hatchet, and when my mom died, my dad regretted all of that time wasted hating each other :(

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#5

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Leaving me to my own devices so long as my grades were good. Not teaching me much of anything outside of knowing right from wrong. Outside of being kept alive I pretty much raised myself.

Wyzeman3283 , Michael Scialdone Report

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milaboyle avatar
June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is quite sad. My parents are the complete opposite, teaching me a 3 hour long life lesson when ever I breathe. I don’t think I like it either way tbh

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#6

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term 1. Teaching it’s never OK to lie is an awful life lesson for keeping yourself out of trouble.
2. Being a “member of the clean plate club” teaches kids to keep eating when they’re full.
3. teaching that the man is head of household, when that doesn’t work in a lot of relationships.

Donler , respiritu Report

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Kusotare
Kusotare
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Especially #2. I have a difficult relationship with food because my parents insisted we eat everything on our plates.

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#7

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term My mom always meant well but I have body dysmorphia for life. I’m sharing because if any parents are reading this you should be diligent about how you talk about your body in front of your kids. Don’t talk about needing to lose or gain weight unless it’s for health reasons. Don’t put yourself down about how you look in front of your kids. This creates doubt and body image issues from the jump and that sticks with you forever.

Chereke , Sharron Report

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milaboyle avatar
June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s sad because a lot of the time it’s not on purpose. My besties mum was very insecure because of her mother growing up, and she genuinely tried not to let it affect her daughter. But her behaviour was always very…..on display. Like she was always very clearly unhappy and didn’t eat much, as a result my bestie now has body dysmorphia

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#8

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never admitting that they did something wrong. An example is that when I was in second grade my mom would literally yell and scold me because she thought that HAVE was spelled HAV, and that also confused me with the word HAD. Even though at school the teachers and everyone else spelled HAVE, when I got home she would scold me for spelling it correctly until I told her that that's how everyone else spelled it. She just looked at the paper and never said a word about it again.

So now I always think that whatever I'm doing is wrong or if something did go wrong and was clearly out of my control I still get nervous.

NotBorris , Ivan Radic Report

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Just a ray of f'ing sunshine
Just a ray of f'ing sunshine
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was raised like this. When I had my son I was determined to not be that parent. I told him, as long as he was respectful, he could tell me if I made him angry and why and he could tell me if he thought I was wrong or made a mistake about something. We had, and still do, an amazing open relationship where he always felt he could talk to me about anything.

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#9

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taking away sports every time I got a C in school. I will NEVER take away my future kids passions. Does not matter if it is sports, art, music, or anything else. Don't know if the frustration of that will ever dissipate for me. That was my outlet that was severely needed.

jomo1322 , Jamie Smed Report

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StarmanWaitingInTheSky
StarmanWaitingInTheSky
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand punishing kids over grades. It just pushes kids to cheat and pay more attention to the grades and not the material they're learning. If kids are struggling then there's likely other causes and not their other activities.

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#10

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Keeping me /s

Honestly, it would have been nice to hear they were proud of me - just once, don’t want to overdo it.

Few_Faithlessness796 , Gerry Dincher Report

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Chucky Cheezburger
Chucky Cheezburger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or glossing over anything good and focusing in and hammering away on anything not good." You got an A in biology, we'll whoopty freaking do...but you got a D in math and you have to do better and blah blah blah go get the belt..."

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#11

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Violently screaming at me for bad grades or poor performance in sports.

I think it had the opposite effect where I became afraid of making any mistakes, which would lead to more mistakes. Feel like if your kid is underperforming in any way, there’s a way to talk to them without making them feel stupid for f*****g up. There are better ways to motivate them.

theMAJdragon , Maks Karochkin Report

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Chucky Cheezburger
Chucky Cheezburger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this one. My folks tried all manner of punishments to make me get better grades. Found out in my late 20s I have ADHD, along with some related issues. No amount of punishment was going to help. Not a fun time to go througj.

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#12

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never apologizing for anything and then taking it a level up by denying certain things were even f**k ups.

dzogchenism , Ksionic Report

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June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Denying is the worst imo because is just makes the accusers out as liars when all we wanted was an apology :(

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#13

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They didn’t take any interest in my interests. So now I’m 30 with parents I have virtually nothing in common with. It makes dinner chitchat very depressing for me.

King_Kingly , Richard Masoner Report

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Saxophone
Saxophone
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have done something like "here is a good place for my birthday, it costs ___ for 5 people, and it would be fun!" They laugh, and said "Ok, maybe!" I just felt silly. It sucked.

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#14

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not teaching me anything about financial responsibility.

wee_man , Nenad Stojkovic Report

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Meredith
Meredith
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One trillion percent this. About 5 years ago my parents sold some property & my dad asked us to send him a break down of all our debt. When I was going over it with him he was like "how did you get so far in debt?" Like. Very disappointed voice. "You never talked to us about money. You never talked to us about saving. You never talked to us about investing. Not once. Money was never brought up." He didn't even have to think about. He said "you're right." That alone blew me away. In wasn't an unmanageable amount but my parents were the type they paid credit cards in full every month. Also, In my family it's "ours" not "theirs & mine." I think that's really messed my brother & I up, if I'm being honest. We didn't have to take responsibility. We also didn't know my dad was going to run off with a mistress & screw us either. It kills me watching my mom having to pinch pennies. I give her gifts all the time. I bought her a new car & that felt amazing.

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#15

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Never teaching me to be independent. My guardian was obsessed with keeping me way too close and I was always sheltered and now I'm alone and don't know how to function

22poppills , aaron gilson Report

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Mermaid Elle-Jaye
Mermaid Elle-Jaye
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m worried my sister is doing this one, the twins are nearly 11 and can’t use a microwave or anything. Its a massive contrast to me and her at 5&9 making pancakes unsupervised and alone at home. She says the upbring we had made her paranoid etc, but we never burnt the house down or f****d up, we learned so many life skills ahead of people our age out of necessity. Maybe she wants them sheltered for that reason though. They are at the point now where they wanna walk to school alone but can’t, I’ve tried to convince her. They need some freedom or they won’t survive out here in this shithole of a world

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#16

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Well my dad's f*****g great but my mother, constant screaming for everything, depriving me of any and all food a lot of the time, punishment for things someone else did, invasion of privacy, not giving a f**k about my mental health, not giving up custody to my dad, constantly degrading me

DemonicAtomic , Chris Yarzab Report

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milaboyle avatar
June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so sorry. I hope your doing on now and away from your abusive mother

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#17

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Expecting me to have the same grades, activities, and social lives as my older siblings.

BillyJoeFootballIII , Sharron Report

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HarriMissesScotland
HarriMissesScotland
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate. My mother started asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister from the time I can remember. I was born on her 4th birthday, but we are polar opposites. She never went outside, never got dirty, was never noisy, in other words, perfect. I was very independent, a daddy's girl, but not in the traditional sense. I was a tomboy who wanted to do everything with him, and my mother hated it. Until the day she died, she hated it.

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#18

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term If I had a problem, first thing they said to me "its your fault".

dell02 , Jonathan Cutrer Report

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Valerie Smart
Valerie Smart
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No baby it’s not your fault. Don’t ever believe that . It’s the insecurity and the immaturity of the parent saying this to you .

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#19

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Taught me nothing about nutrition, let me eat junk, and made excuses for my obesity. Took me 10 years as an adult to finally take responsibility for myself and shed the weight.

rawbface , Tony Alter Report

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Small_Mushroom
Small_Mushroom
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents let me eat how much I wanted all the time, which was always too much. The most they did was show me a diet I should do at the age of like, 9 but never truly helped me stick with it. Now that I'm older, I hate myself and how unhealthy I am, but due to some issues, I've never been able to get on a diet. Please help your kids stay healthy so that they don't end up like me...

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#20

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Due to them giving me insane social anxiety, I now have the social skills of the new kid in elementary school. I can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes without making people uncomfortable. I have proceeded to lose all of my friends due to this and am now sad and lonely.

wokenphoenix , woodleywonderworks Report

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Jacob Nunez
Jacob Nunez
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn now I wish I had a Reddit account so I can be this persons friend.

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#21

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Mom's personality is very complicated and toxic, but what I really hated as a kid was that she didn't want me to grow up. She didn't teach me how to do laundry, pack my clothes, how to swim, anything. She was also overly protective and I still cope with bunch of irrational fears as an adult.

When I was 11 I was really ashamed that kids my age are much more self-sufficient. She was sabotaging me anytime I tried to do some 'adult' stuff like cooking, taking care of myself, nothing illegal - I was well behaved kid. At this time she started ruining our relationship with her behavior, I feel like she hates me for growing up and not being baby anymore

kralicek16 , Ernest James Report

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents haven't taught me to do anything but instead of it being because they didn't want me to grow up they just... didn't teach me anything. Then i annoyed my parents foe being useless

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#22

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They let their fear of dealing with their own trauma turn into causing and ignoring mine.

ViridianBella , HS You Report

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#23

Ladling out too much guilt and shame. They are not motivational forces for me to be “better”, in fact quite the opposite was true

Also telling me that I wasn’t good at math. Sure, it wasn’t my strongest subject. But don’t tell a kid that they will never ever succeed at a subject due to some inherent shortcomings

Playing favourites. My brother was allowed to grow marijuana as an “experiment “ by my very straight laced and anti drug parents. In fact they were enthusiastically supportive. Not so much for me. That’s just one example. Basically he could have pissed in my face and our folks would have blamed me. They always made me feel like I was inadequate because I wasn’t like him. My brother is a classic grandiose narcissist.

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HarriMissesScotland
HarriMissesScotland
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel your pain. I haven't seen my abusive sibling since 1993. I was forced to talk to him in 1999 when my father died, and the police had to get involved. This was over the phone. Jerry Springer meets Cops.

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#24

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Complete apathy.

My parents basically never got involved in me or my siblings' lives. Never attended things like school plays or parents evenings, never cared about how things were going or what was going on. So long as we didn't get into trouble and didn't cause them problems they didn't care and took no interest. "Anything for peace and quiet" as my mother frequently said.

As such, because they never tried to be a part of my life, they effectively aren't a part of my life anymore. We only speak out of obligation, and not very often at that.

Nambot Report

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Broad Panda
Broad Panda
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was wondering when I'd see my one. My brother and I were fed and clothed and sheltered and educated and got gifts at birthday and Christmas. Never abused. But our parents never knew us. Because they didn't bother to. It felt like they had 2 kids because that's what people do. We were raised kinda Victorian. Children should be seen and not heard. We were smart, sensitive kids, and always felt unwanted. My brother and I are in our 40s, and it still deeply affects our sense of self-worth. Edit: I know my own kid really well, love to know her interests, talk openly with her, and tell her I love her multiple times every day. No way in hell will I let my precious girl think she doesn't matter to me.

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#25

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They haven't tried to motivate me for anything.

traveler9o , Miika Silfverberg Report

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Dan
Dan
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents need to always support their child's interests. Unless it's illegal

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#26

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Forcing me to be a member of their cult under the threat of homelessness.

SlyCoopersButt , charcoal soul Report

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Toby Hawthorne
Toby Hawthorne
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A CULT, WHAT THE F**K!!! What was this cult about? Not trying to be nosy or anything just curious.

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#27

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not being supportive, not dealing with the abuse I suffered from family and school. Pretty much anything that involves my mental health was neglected. Being taught that women were pure and men were c**p, which lead to abuse from women in my adult life cause it had to have been some wrong I've done. Being told is was ugly and I would be inadequate for a woman. I could really keep going for ages on this.

Mr_AsmodeusOfFraggle , tamckile Report

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June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can you imagine telling a child that you carried on your stomach for 9 months and birthed them out of you, that their ugly? It just breaks my heart

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#28

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Spoiling us and always doing the chores. We ended up being lazy mfers. I'm currently procrastinating writing this.

kazemaru04 , Carlo Cabanilla Report

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Scott Crowell
Scott Crowell
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok OK I'll write it for you this time but no more Mister. Now go play your video games while I clean out the cat box.

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#29

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term The total lack of boundaries based on the believe that they had raised us to be responsible and smart, even though clear evidence were present that we were not.

ir_blues , Leonid Mamchenkov Report

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#30

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not enough discipline

RolfSonOfAShepard420 , Joopey Report

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Valerie Smart
Valerie Smart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of what is wrong with America today. Go ahead and crucify me in comments but you damn well know I’m right.

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#31

Taking me to a non-denominational, pentecostal like church that was a breath away from being a cult. I went from the time I was born until around 17. Years old. We went on average three times a week, twice on Sunday. It's hard to understand all that is going on when you are that young. It's hard to understand it now.

When the gifts of the spirit started progressing and coming into play more during the services , I could only put together pieces that I could comprehend. As a result, I literally thought the preacher's could read my mind. As a result I did what I could to stay out of sight and out of mind which was easy since I was a middle child anyway. But when I would get pulled up to the prayer line I would try extra hard to hide things in the back of my brain. That taught me early on how to compartmentalize and section off parts of myself and especially my emotions. I would be scared when I was up there. If I shed a tear everyone around me would celebrate the the spirit was acting on me. I was crying because I was scared and didn't want to be there.

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Jacob Nunez
Jacob Nunez
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I experienced this as well in my childhood. My Biological Mother and step dad are great people they truly are. I love them to death and back. However I noticed that they want me to believe what they believed in, stuff like masks were useless, COVID was basically worse than a cold but not worse than the flu, not being able to vaccinate me (apperently I have received two or three vaccines) since it “altered my behavior” at a younger age, and forced republican values on me. However my Bio-dad and my step-mom on the other hand are not religious people and I actually enjoy being around them. in fact I came out to them as being bi and they fully supporting it which is something I fear my other parents are going to find out one day. To me, religion can be such a burden to ones shoulders meanwhile not being religious is having the freedom to expand the boundaries on what to do to themselves and for others.

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#32

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Telling me I was gifted. No, mom I'm not a genius I'm just good at tests.

Also, not getting me on ADHD meds. It would have solved so many homework related problems.

brumagem , Pleuntje Report

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June’s Very Own
June’s Very Own
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m honestly so confused. If you see that your child has problems, that can more or less be easily solved, why not freaking help them out!? If you weren’t prepared to support your kids then why did you have them?

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#33

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not making health a priority.

H1ghwayun1corn , Nenad Stojkovic Report

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#34

Besides not taking care of me until i was eight, i would say when they actually parented me, they messed up by putting me on a restrictive diet in 3rd grade.

While kids were having fun and talking at lunch, i was memorizing what calories each food had.

I was not unhealthy, i was a growing kid and of course i still had baby fat.

Putting me in said diet made me learn about 'bad' foods which led to developing an eating disorder that i'm only just now recovering from, i became healthy on my own, no thanks to them.

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Toby Hawthorne
Toby Hawthorne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was younger I was obsessively healthy also. When my friends were having candy as the main part of their meal I was eating a salad. That led me to major eating disorders later on in life.

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#35

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term My mom never stood up for herself or us, and let our father scream at us and take his anger out on us. She’s still with him and won’t apologize for letting him mistreat us.

edgyusername123 , Malcolm Murdoch Report

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Not A Panda
Not A Panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how you blame your mother for this and not your father. Traumatised, abused women respond different from mentally healthy people. You too display this trait: you are blaming the abused woman instead of her abuser. You don't know what he did to her where you couldn't see. It is very likely keeping quiet was her safest choice. Don't blame the abused, blame the abuser.

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#36

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term Not communicating with me, on my graduation my mother actually said "even though we dont help her, she still has honor"

They also said im just "shy" then i started high school, it turns out i developed social anxiety

WindyYeet , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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#37

People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term They cared but not about the right things. They took the easy way out with me. I was reprimanded but not taught
. 0 communication

AmyVawda , Mr.TinMD Report

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#38

I want to preface this by saying I think I got as lucky as you can with parents. They were consistently supportive, allowed me a lot of independence and trust, and respected boundaries. They were the kind I could call in high school for a ride home if a party got weird. They are generous, not just with me but everyone around them. I am still very close with them and both my brothers.

However, the one area where I think they messed up was in regards to my body. They were very critical of my weight throughout my childhood and teen years. I was never a tiny kid but I wasn't very large, I was a pretty standard size kid for the most part. I played a lot of sports. But my mom was very much a 'do you really need that' type of person with snacks and grocery shopping. They were both very self-critical and into fad diets. When I was a teenager I quit my major sport and as a result put on some weight. At the time I thought I was so fat but looking back I was a size 12 for all of high school. But my parents leveled up the criticism, they got me a Wii Fit for my 16th birthday and mentioned my weight a lot. In another universe I definitely would have had a nasty eating disorder but on the contrast I became very resistant to health and wellness, I hate the gym and I'm weirdly resistant to trying to eat better.

Given all of that I haven't gotten too unhealthy. I'm a bigger girl, between a size 14-18 but nothing extreme. And I've worked really hard to unlearn a lot of that and remind myself that my weight is unrelated to my worth as a person. I'm actually eating healthier now and have learned to make piece with my appearance. My parents still pushed that for a long time, my dad asked every time I saw him if I had started going to the gym yet. My brother finally told them off a couple years back (they never criticized my brothers weight or health at all and both of them had weight fluctuations) and called them out for the harmful behavior. To their credit, they listened, they apologized, and they corrected the behavior.

There is no good that comes from being critical of your child's weight or appearance. A child's body is going to change and fluctuate and grow. Sometimes that involves gaining weight. If you are genuinely concerned for their health go see a doctor, do not try and get them on a diet yourself. Shaming them isn't helpful, as I mentioned it made me highly resistant to a lot of health and wellness. And looking back, I wasn't unhealthy. At least not any more so than an average teenager. I gained weight after quitting a sport where I practiced 12-15 hours a week which happened to be the same time my breasts and hips developed. It happens.

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Rachknits
Rachknits
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not on the same scale as this but my stepmother took me to WW with her (she was dieting) and encouraged me (13y) to participate even though I was at a healthy weight. From then on, whatever weight I was (even 7 1/2 stone at one point) I've always felt 'fat'. I'm working on it and am definitely more accepting of myself but it's a long hard trudge but I can't even imagine how it is for you

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#39

Telling me I’m smart enough to do whatever I want. It seems as though I’ve spent most of my 37 years annoyed that I’m not doing what I want.

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Just a ray of f'ing sunshine
Just a ray of f'ing sunshine
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This gave me a sense of not really knowing what I wanted to do. I'm 58 and am just starting my masters in (mental health) counseling. I would have preferred some guidance along with the "you can do anything."

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#40

My mom never showed herself a lot of self love when I (25F) was growing up. Whenever we took pictures she would say to delete it because she didn’t look good. She constantly talked about being too over weight (when she wasn’t even that big) or her crows feet were too prominent when smiling. I have terrible body image and find it hard to love the imperfections about myself.

My mom is a beautiful women with the kindest soul and not hearing her realize that kinda messed with me. Family friends and people in our community constantly called me her mini me growing up because of how much I looked like her.

It’s not as bad now but in high school I’d take pictures with my friends and think of all the things my mom didn’t find beautiful about her and I would find those same qualities in me, so I didn’t think she’d find me beautiful. She would also, still does to this day actually, make small comments of my weight.

Edit: added a lil more backstory

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carolla cdz
carolla cdz
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone says I look so much like my mom, but she says that under her 25 years she was soo thin, but I was never like this and since my childhood we were always thinking about wheight, now, sometimes, I can't help but look somethings on her and not want to look like that. I feel bad about it but it's practically something that she teach me.

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#41

Letting me fight my own battles...

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Mia Roberts
Mia Roberts
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A kid should fight their own battles. It teaches them independence and responsibility.

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