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Though people have plenty of things in common, you definitely won’t see eye-to-eye with everyone. It’s inevitable to a certain extent, really. Not only are there different backgrounds and personal goals to consider, but you also have to look at the cultural and educational context they grew up with. Especially if you’re comparing members of different generations. And you’re sure to know that if you and your parents ever disagreed over anything.
Inspired by redditor u/Bigbumoffhappy, the r/AskReddit online community opened up about the attitudes their parents still consider to be ‘normal’ but they completely disagree with. We’ve collected some of their insights about outdated parental norms and beliefs. Keep scrolling to read all about the myths that some folks still refuse to take with a grain of salt.
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#1
Saying “Blood is thicker than water” expecting us to allow a toxic relative back into our lives and putting up with it. Not setting healthy boundaries in other words. It stopped with me.
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
Family is like an appendix. You do have only one, but if it becomes toxic and threatens your well--being, you cut it off.
RELATED:
#2
Keeping your house tidy in case someone stops by.
If someone stops by without texting first, they get what they get. They're lucky if I answer the door.
#3
Thinking your very shy kid will get less shy if you keep shaming it for being „too quiet“.
Doctor Strange 4 months ago
Don't punish the behavior you wish to see. If your shy kid does come out to be a part of things, don't do the "well look who decided show up" routine.
Breaking news: there’s no such thing as a perfectly informed generation of people. Not us, not you, not anyone else. We all make mistakes. To err is human, after all. The boundaries of scientific knowledge are being pushed every single day. Thanks to that, we have made technological progress and learned more about the world we live in. But the price is having to update our collective understanding of how things work in physics, biology, economics, psychology, parenting, etc.
Not everyone gets the memo. Staying up-to-date with leaps in science takes a lot of time and energy. For example, these days, it seems obvious to many of you that smoking is harmful or that consuming too much sugar is a surefire way to wreck your health. That wasn’t always the case.
#4
Be nice to everyone, even when they’re cruel to you. That will make them feel bad for being mean to you.
No. No, now people just mistake my kindness for stupidity and try to walk all over me.
#5
Downplaying mental health. I was told to ignore my bullies, which got me nowhere but wanting to stay home "sick" all the time in junior high. When I asked for counseling I was told I didn't need it.
similarly 4 months ago
When I was a teenager, I attempted s*cide and very nearly succeeded. I was put in therapy, but my parents complained about how troublesome it was to take me back and forth to therapy, and every time I'd come home from therapy, they'd ask "Are you better yet? You know this is costing us a lot of money!" So after a couple months, I just said "I'm fine. I don't need to go back!" to which they replied "Good!" I wasn't better. I never got better. Wishing your child wouldn't be mentally ill doesn't magically cure them.
#6
Sticking it out in a marriage with someone who doesn’t respect you and betrays you
So many older women and men look down on divorcing over cheating or emotional abuse and blame them for ‘breaking up’ their families completely glossing over the fact that the abuser is the one who broke up the family.
You shouldn’t have to make a marriage work with someone who makes you unhappy just because you have kids.
In the 1930s and 1940s, US cigarette companies once used doctors to promote smoking. Meanwhile, back in the 1960s, Big Sugar paid scientists to blame fat for health problems to keep the sugar industry profitable.
It’s easy to believe something that gets repeated often (hello, illusory truth effect) and appeals to experts’ authority. The reality is that where huge profits are involved, the science involved can frequently get murky. That’s why it’s so important to weigh the reliability of any source and consider any agendas researchers might have. Double-check any info that seems too good or bad to be true.
#7
My siblings and I literally were not allowed to have an opinion that differed from my parents. I remember one day my mom told me, “if I tell you the sky is black, you look at me and tell me yes ma’am” essentially saying we aren’t allowed to disagree with her!
My siblings and I ALL suffer from decision paralysis and anxiety and I really believe it’s linked to how we literally were never allowed to think for ourselves without it being diSrESpEcTfuL.
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
Reminds me of a quote I've heard somewhere: "Parents encourage you to stand for your beliefs and values, as long as your beliefs and values are the same as theirs."
#8
Putting up with abuse from family because family.
notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
I call it the " but family" guilt trip card or the " just keep the peace" card.
#9
Going to work sick, basically putting work first at all times.
Pittsburgh rare 4 months ago
Can't judge people who can't afford to miss work. But at least put a mask on.
The same inquisitive skepticism should hold true whether you’re talking about hard scientific knowledge or more social things like parenting trends. Relying on gossip, social pressure, and potential misinformation to inform your decisions isn’t the best idea.
Out of the four main parenting styles, an authoritative approach trumps authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved ones.
Authoritative parenting is all about clear communication and rules, taking your kids’ feelings into account, unconditional love, and creating a nurturing environment with firm boundaries. The result? Kids who grow up to have strong self-esteem, resilience, lots of confidence, good mental and emotional health, and who excel at school.
#10
Just “getting a job” by walking in anywhere. All my adult life whenever I’ve needed work my dad continues suggesting just showing up to an office and “don’t leave until they let you talk to a manager and hand them your resume yourself”. Poor younger me actually tried this and I wandered around to every business trying to find my first job, hearing back from exactly 0.
Daisy1355 4 months ago
I specifically couldn't hire a girl who kept doing this. She didn't want to. Her grandmother kept making her. We gave her instructions for what she actually needed to do. But her grandmother kept making her hassle us in person. We finally told her she's incapable of following instructions and refused to hire her. I felt terrible, she was a lovely girl and I would've loved to hire her but she needed to follow a process and she just couldn't because her grandmother was a hit the pavement person that wouldn't let her do what she needed to do. Insanity.
#11
Forced physical affection. I could not tell yall how many times I was dragged by my hair because I didn't want people kissing me(on the mouth) or just because I was overstimulated and didn't want to hug.
#12
Thinking you're supposed to raise your kids the same way that you despised your parents raising you like. I don't get the reasoning behind that.
"Well that's the way I was raised."
Yeah, so you should get it. It sucked and is a terrible idea.
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
"My parents beat me as a child, and I turned out fine! That's why I can't wait to commit physical violence on my own kids upon any slight disagreement!"
What do your parents think is completely normal that you don’t agree with, Pandas? What do you personally think the younger generations believe now that will be completely outdated in the near future?
Tell us what you think in the comments! And remember, don’t keep your batteries in the fridge, no matter what your relatives tell you.
#13
I don't spank/smack/hit my kids.
My four year old SCREECHED she hated me for a what felt like a solid hour. In reality it was five minutes. My solution? I picked her up and hugged her. Took deep steadying breaths to regulate hers and calm her down and told her no matter what that I loved her. After a minute she settled in my arms, apologized for yelling and saying she hates me and we continued on with our day.
My first instinct was just smack her mouth/butt like what would have happened to me if I said that to my parents. So I did the exact opposite. I was not treated with respect regarding my emotions as a child and it has taken A LOT of self searching and therapy to help me cope and understand that as an adult.
Feathered Dinosaur 4 months ago
I'm glad they're breaking the cycle. I wish many, many more people had therapy before having kids
#14
I go first.
Blind obedience towards elders and authorities. Example my dad told me not to take time off work to visit him when he's in the hospital because it will leave a bad impression on my boss. I don't want a boss who judges me for visiting my father in a hospital.
Of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't be respectful, but we should be respectful of everyone, regardless of age, position, or any other variable.
notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
I don't for a minute believe that age commands respect. Behavior/ conduct EARNS respect. Too many older ppl act like AHs and demand respect while they walk all over everyone and scream at them. Then throw the age card in the air like air like a badge or medal. " Respect your elders"; Sorry Karen, not gonna happen . If you act like an AH you get treated like an AH . I am not your doormat
#15
Going through my things without asking, like looking through my drawers or checking my phone. They say it's just because they care, but to me, it feels like a lack of trust and privacy. Nowadays, I can't imagine doing that to anyone, even if it's out of concern.
Jane Sirois 4 months ago
We never did this to any of our children and think it's lunatic behavior. My husband never wants to look in my purse for anything even when I tell him to. We would never go through each other's phones because, Respect! If you have no trust deal with why that is.
#16
Racism. My parents are in their 70's and definitely from "a different time". (God, I hate that excuse).
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
Getting better, but also still has a long way to go. Only today people don't say "I don't want to share my space with (N-words)", but "I don't want the woke agenda being pushed on me".
#17
Being compelled to answer the phone if it rings.
Jill Rhodry 4 months ago
I'm the same - my phone is for my convenience, not the caller's or texter's convenience
#18
Openly mocking your spouse, the "Wife bad" mentality.
My father and his friend got together and were talking about how their partners were stupid for liking a YouTube smoothie guy and how stupid women were and it was just really sad to see.
Like if I thought someone was a moron and I didn't agree with their views and we fought all the time and I was miserable with them, I would just.... Not date or marry them. I can't imagine openly mocking my partner to my friends. I love and cherish him. I've been in relationships that made me miserable and I have no desire to do that again, i'd rather be single.
I just do not get it .
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
People settle too easily for a marriage where they just kinda tolerate each other: no genuine affection, no things in common, no connection on a deeper level. I personally can't imagine dating someone who isn't also my best friend.
#19
Alternative medicine. No mom, you can't call a guy who can remotely heal your burn wound.
Susan Schlee 4 months ago
These are the idiots who don't vaccinate their kids, so now we have Old World diseases like smallpox, measles, and mumps coming back in droves and even more deadly than the were originally. Of course the most virulent strains survived and are freely allowed to multiply because mom and dad can't read a valid scientific study.
#20
Treating your daughters different than your sons, and playing favoritism with certain kids.
Example 1: My mom couldn’t even drive me to school to complete my high school diploma after we moved in the middle of my sophomore year to another side of town, yet my grown a*s almost 25 year old brother (who isn’t even in college) lives and works with her and enjoys daily rides to work as well as the gym these days.
Example 2: My Dad bought all 5 of his kids cars when they came of age except me. I was one of 6 at the time on his side, and he went on to have 3 more. He also bought his d**g addict girlfriend at the time a new SUV. I caught the bus until I joined the military and saved up for a lemon, and then a slightly better lemon to get me to graduation.
The sheer resentment that I have for both my parents till this day is sad. I hope this goes away soon with age. Not everyone deserves kids, but no kid deserves to feel less than or not good enough. That s**t 100% effects you in adulthood until you learn how to silence it.
notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
My sister is still the favorite. I have absolutely NO relationship with her and resent her till the end of time because she thinks she's better than me. I was treated like c**p. The double standard was so unfair it still eats at me to this day
#21
Not talking about any negative emotions. They could handle me being happy but anytime I was sad, upset, depressed? Nope, they didn’t want to see it/deal with it. My mom would even say, “What the hell do you have to be so upset about?”
Also, not showing affection or saying I love you. Years ago, my brother was admitted to the hospital. We didn’t know what was wrong with him and it was scary. I had been crying and my dad was very upset, too. As we were walking out of the hospital together, I went to reach for his hand. I thought it would be comforting, a sign that I would be there for him. He ripped his hand away from mine so fast. I was stunned and never tried to do that ever again.
#22
A college degree is everything. Sure, it's important. But degrees are generally extremely specific nowadays. Years ago I got a side job to pay off debts in the dining hall of a retirement home. When I told my parents this in passing conversation, my dad scoffed and said I should have applied to RUN the entire facility. Um, the current director has a MASTERS in management with an emphasis in geriatric care. My degree in X would never even get me an interview.
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
I've got multiple degrees in a very important and useful field and I STILL can't get a goddamn job.
#24
Being 4 hours early to the airport, i think everyone can relate here.
Nils Skirnir 4 months ago
You could get away with arriving half an hour before 30 years ago. After 9-11 need at least two and three or four for international flights
#25
Company loyalty. My boomer dad can’t fathom a world where we better our livelihood by taking better paying jobs at a different company every few years. For his generation, staying at one company your entire career was a huge flex.
John Boy 4 months ago
Our son has worked for the U.S. military, the government, and at a rocket/satellite company as an IT (actually much more, but that's what I can post). He told me, "Dad, if I stay at the same job for over 5 years, then I'm considered "out of date", and will never get hired at another place."
#26
Drinking and Driving, my friends' parents would pick me up with a scotch on the rocks! Ashtrays full of smokes!
David 4 months ago
I think technology has given us a lot more awareness of how impaired someone can be without seeming too drunk. Computerized driving simulators have allowed them to test/measure reflexes of people with no alcohol vs small amounts. They have shown pretty clearly that someone doesn't have to be "sloshed" to have reduced reaction times / make poor driving decisions.
#27
They don't accept a person getting married before their elder siblings. My dad said that he wouldn't look at my face ever again if I do that, and that I would only be a shame for them. Well, guess we'll have a problem there. Cause my elder brother is against marriage. Not that I care about my dad threatening to never show respect to me ever again, he never did, anyways :D.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
That was considered old fashioned in Jane Austen's time, I've never heard of this in my lifetime.
#28
Spanking.
I am actually estranged from my parents and relatives over this issue as my mother wanted me to spank my son with a paddle when his ADHD was diagnosed and we did not spank him at all. I was spanked religiously as a child, to the point where a family therapist we went to when I was 13 or 14 told my mother to try spanking me MORE. (this would have been in 1988 or 89) but my mother does not consider it abuse, which I do, and as a result she thinks I believe I was abused and refuses to talk to me.
#29
Keeping batteries in the fridge.
My parents still do this. Apparently this was a belief from a long time ago that batteries would last longer if they are kept in the fridge. But I can't get it out of their mind that the batteries shouldn't be in the fridge.
David 4 months ago
It was not a "belief". It was scientific fact. Except it is no longer true because battery chemistry has changed a lot over the decades. But it hasn't been true for ages. It was true for zinc-carbon batteries, but those started being replaced by alkaline batteries in the 50s. So for most of you reading this, this was never true in your life times.
#30
Finishing everything on your plate before you're allowed to get up from the table. Causes overeating, and promotes an unhealthy relationship with food. If we had chosen to have kids, I would *never* ask this of my kids, and if they hated a side option or main option, I would simply make something else for them. I say this as a person with bad food sensory issues and a very unhealthy relationship with food (and fear of new foods). I was dx with autism recently, and it makes me irate I was forced to shove food in my pockets to hide it or feed it to the dog so I could get up from the table.
What do you think ?
Aiden Brough 4 months ago
It's almost like we've arrived at Utopia since we've left all our parents & grand parents habits behind... /Looks at how the mental state of the young has been affected by social media and at how the world is now more polarised and entitled than ever... Yeah... Utopia...
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
My parents themselves didn't think that way, but when I was a kid autism or ADHD meant you were a "bad kid" who had to be punished and otherwise bullied out of it. I have so many horrible humiliating memories of getting shouted at from a VERY early age, for reasons I just plain did not understand. So now I'm a chronic people pleaser with a severe anxiety and resentment toward authority figures.
Littlemiss 4 months ago (edited)
That depression isn't just for losers and weak people. Mental health isn't just a sad day worth of tears to get over. Taking medication to help you live isn't pathetic and to be hidden. Abuse isn't to be shoved under a rug and pretended it's not happening. A gigantic up yours to my parents who told me all this and let me suffer, I have c-ptsd because of them and their beliefs and abuse.
Aiden Brough 4 months ago
It's almost like we've arrived at Utopia since we've left all our parents & grand parents habits behind... /Looks at how the mental state of the young has been affected by social media and at how the world is now more polarised and entitled than ever... Yeah... Utopia...
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
My parents themselves didn't think that way, but when I was a kid autism or ADHD meant you were a "bad kid" who had to be punished and otherwise bullied out of it. I have so many horrible humiliating memories of getting shouted at from a VERY early age, for reasons I just plain did not understand. So now I'm a chronic people pleaser with a severe anxiety and resentment toward authority figures.
Littlemiss 4 months ago (edited)
That depression isn't just for losers and weak people. Mental health isn't just a sad day worth of tears to get over. Taking medication to help you live isn't pathetic and to be hidden. Abuse isn't to be shoved under a rug and pretended it's not happening. A gigantic up yours to my parents who told me all this and let me suffer, I have c-ptsd because of them and their beliefs and abuse.
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