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If you’ve ever planned a wedding, you’ve likely been bombarded with a host of expectations and recommendations. You may have heard that “you’ve just got to have a bouquet toss!” Or reminded not to forget your "something blue" and "something borrowed!”
But every couple has the right to plan their big day however they like, and according to women of Reddit, there are plenty of traditions they’d happily retire. Below, you’ll find a list of traditions surrounding tying the knot that some women find outdated and unnecessary, as well as a conversation with Editor in Chief at Bespoke Bride, Jhona Yellin. Enjoy scrolling through whether you’re wedding planning or not, and be sure to upvote the traditions you’re tired of as well!
This post may include affiliate links.
#2
The newlyweds going into large amounts of debt to have the "perfect" wedding.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 11 months ago (edited)
In my experience, the bigger and more extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Obviously, I’m the exception to the rule, cheap wedding, short marriage! Talking about British culture here, not other cultures where large weddings are the norm.
To learn more about which wedding traditions are fading out of style, we reached out to Jhona Yellin, Editor in Chief at Bespoke Bride, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. She shared that one tradition she’s noticed happening far less recently is the father-daughter dance.
“This is a tradition where the bride dances with her father as a symbol of their bond and his approval of her marriage,” Jhona explained. “While this may seem sweet and sentimental, it can also be problematic for many reasons. For one thing, not every bride has a father or a good relationship with him. For another, this tradition can imply that the bride is being ‘given away’ by her father to her husband, as if she is a property or a prize. This is not only outdated, but also sexist and patriarchal.”
#3
Any references to the groom being "tied down" or the bride being the old "ball and chain". Like f**k why do we keep acting like married couples hate each other?
Blue Bunny of Happiness 11 months ago
Don’t get me started on those cake toppers where the groom is trying to escape!
#4
I found out in some wedding traditions, the groom removes the garter from the bride with his teeth in front of everyone, and that sounds intensely uncomfortable to me.
Chelsea McKee 11 months ago
I went to a wedding where this happened, nobody is digging around under my skirt not will I ever witness it again. If I wanted to watch adult content I'd turn on incognito mode.
#5
Brides family pays for the wedding. There are 2 people in the relationship, so why? If you have parents paying for it, it should be a shared cost. Realistically, I think the bride and groom should pay for their own wedding. Either way, the cost shouldn't fall on a single party.
“I think [the] tradition [of the father-daughter dance] has become outdated and should be replaced by something more inclusive and empowering,” Jhona suggests. “For example, the bride can dance with any person who has been influential or supportive in her life, regardless of their gender or relation. Or, the bride can skip the dance altogether and do something else that showcases her personality and talents, such as singing a song, giving a speech, or performing a skit.”
#6
The fact that the second you mention anything is for a wedding, the price jumps x100.
My daughter’s wedding planner bought round, decorated cakes from a local baker and stacked them herself with a wedding topper for a tiny fraction of the price the same bakery would have charged for the same cakes for a wedding.
Chelsea McKee 11 months ago
I'll lie and have no shame, "what's the occasion?" "A funeral". 🤷🏼♀️
#7
Bachelorette/bachelor parties in cultures where they're more or less expected to revolve around or at least include sexual and/or humiliating activities. Plus points if the goal is to get the bride/groom p**s drunk too. In my world, those events are a way to celebrate a friend and their marriage, not something that should embarrass them or have any hints of the absolute gross "last night of freedom" idea, no matter how jokingly. It's extremely weird and uncomfortable to me and I'd never partake in it.
François Bouzigues 11 months ago
Can also be a very fun week end with your besties. Does not need to be embarassing or anything.
#8
The bride being "given away" by her father, like she was his possession and now she's the groom's.
Mir Adwari 11 months ago
My parents offered to buy their daughters (four of them) a ladder to make climbing out a bedroom window to elope easier! Joking aside, they had no money and all of us have paid for our weddings ourselves. Mine was small, tasteful and inexpensive and I've never regretted it. The quality of the marriage is what matters, not the wedding!
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quentariel 11 months ago
Being written out like this makes it sound really old-fashioned, but I've always seen it as a lovely tradition. Here it's not seen as giving away possession, but just a caring moment between father and daughter before marriage.
Mir Adwari 11 months ago
To be fair, it IS really old fashioned. The practice dates back to the days when a woman was viewed as the property of her father, and he gave her away on the wedding day in exchange for a dowry. It was a transaction regardless of how the parties felt about each other. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy the moment that you had, but neither does it alter the true meaning behind the tradition.
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Wendy O'Shea 11 months ago
It is a time for Dad to support his daughter at a time she might be nerverous and when he can give her last minute advice. He is there for HER. The role has natural morphed over time. Please stop sullying parental emotional support.
B.M. 11 months ago
That is an ancient Roman rite. The woman went from being controlled by her father (or brother or...) to being controlled by the husband, never a free moment. Wheras the sons got to be EMANCIPATED - yes, that is! the origin of the word emancipation: manus is the hand (in this case: of the father) and the son gets to get out of this hand (ex manu) wheras the daughter just goes from the hand of her father to that of the husband. Sad tradition for woman, nothing romantic about it. I like the tradition of the lutherian church better: bride and groom go to the church together to get wed, because they both want it. People can witness if they wan: these two both ask god for benevolence and everybody, including the father, can pray along
Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 11 months ago
The idea of the bride belonging to her father and then becoming the property of her husband goes back way before the Romans.
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KOTLC 11 months ago
I always looked at it in a way that the father is trusting the new husband to look out for his daughter like he has all those years. Not that they own her but that he wants the best for his daughter and he believes that man is the fiancé. Though it doesn't always work out that way.
River Markham 11 months ago
for me that walk represents the dad walking her into her future if that makes sense...
Caro Caro 11 months ago
My father wanted to give me away at my wedding but I didn't want that. I thought it was so old fashioned. He was a little sad and I should have told him before (My bad). Later on we talked and he understood. I am not an object.
Johnny Cakes 11 months ago
Wow. All the sensative snowflakes can't see symbolism in this? Raising a child and then handing off the trusted care to another man. Its not about possession.
Greenmantle 11 months ago
Another "MAN" and the use of the word "child" for an adult female is the issue here.
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BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 11 months ago
In some parts of Italy, the groom's mother and the groom and the bride's father and the bride walk down the aisle in procession, each couple arm in arm. Then on the altar the two parents kiss their own child and go back to their seat.
LadyManx 11 months ago
I've seen both parents escort their child down the aisle. I've seen moms do it solo. These days I think you can have who ever you wish. I've always seen it as having support from your loved ones as you move from one stage of your life to another. PS. I've also seen grooms escorted by their parents. It was a nice egalitarian touch.
Apatheist Account2 11 months ago
People need to distinguish between "stupid" and "long-standing with a basis in the historical situation". Perhaps "outdated" traditions would have been a better subject title.
Catharina Geerts 11 months ago
Never looked at it this way. She was his responsability (to take care for her) and that's now the task of the groom :D Also, I thought it's considered an honor. But times change, so maybe this should - or will - change too
Peter Krentz 11 months ago
Yeah, that's literally what it was I. The past. The term "Wed" is a reference to property given to the daughters parents in exchange for the bride.
October 11 months ago (edited)
Indeed your parents made you, not just your father, so why does he alone get the honour? And while we're at it, why aren't the parents of rhe groom giving him away too?
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As for brides and grooms who feel pressure to continue these traditions, even if they may not like them, Jhona urges them to stand up for themselves and their preferences. “It’s your wedding day, and you should be able to celebrate it in a way that reflects your style, values, and vision,” the expert says. “Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should or shouldn’t do, especially if it makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.”
#9
I'm half South-Asian, so we have this "tradition" where the bride is expected to be sad and quiet/shy during the ceremony. The elders typically look down on brides who are happy, dancing, etc. It's such bs and needs to be abolished.
Also, there's an expectation to invite and cater to people that you don't even know. Friends of friends that are supposed "family". You're also expected to invite family members even if you don't like them.
The show of force, as I like to call it, is another thing that irks me. The weddings that I have attended have always been big, flashy events. Gotta have the best cars, big venues, tons of people, flashy designer stuff, etc.
I'm not a fan of it. To me, it just looks like you're spending thousands to impress people that you don't even know or like, lol. It'll all be a distant memory to them once it's over and something new pops up.
censorshipsucks 11 months ago
can confirm, it's the same in Africa with the south asian community here. Huge waste of money.
#11
Vows along the lines of "wives, submit yourself to your husbands"
“Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to be rude or dismissive of other people’s opinions or expectations,” Jhona added. “You can still be respectful and diplomatic, but firm and assertive. You can explain your reasons for choosing or rejecting certain traditions, and offer alternatives or compromises if possible. You can also enlist the help of your partner, friends, or wedding planner to support you and communicate with others on your behalf.”
#12
Most of them. Honestly, the excessiveness of weddings these days is nauseating to me. Not sure if that qualifies as a “tradition.” I don’t care for grandiosity when it comes to a one day ordeal that is truly meant for the bride and groom. It shouldn’t have to be a big production to entertain everyone else.
Premislaus de Colo 11 months ago
Yupp. To top it up, Polish weddings are huge events, like 2 days feasts going on until early morning next day. If the venue is expensive, you're bankrupt.
#13
Honestly, the fact that people feel pressured to throw this massive, expensive extravaganza. Bring back the backyard weddings with a chill cookout.
#14
The 67000000000 pre wedding events. Bridal shower, bachelorette all that dumb expensive stuff.
In lieu of some of the traditions they may not love, Jhona recommends that couples find fun and unique ways to incorporate cultural traditions into their weddings. “For example, if you want to showcase some Spanish culture in your wedding, you can do so by choosing a Spanish-inspired venue, such as a hacienda or a vineyard, or by adding some Spanish elements to the decor, such as colorful tiles, fans, or flowers,” she told Bored Panda. “You can also wear some Spanish accessories, such as a mantilla veil, a bolero jacket, or a red rose. Take a look at this real Spanish-inspired wedding that we covered a while ago.”
“Remember, the most important thing is that you and your partner are happy and satisfied with your wedding day, not anyone else,” Jhona added.
#15
In my country groom acts like he is paying for the bride, he brings money and there come few men dressed as a fake bride and groom is like "I don't like this one, bring me next!" And then comes the real bride who he "buys"
#16
The garter toss. It needs to die like yesterday. It’s so crude. I did it at my wedding when I got married to my ex husband and if I have a big wedding for the next time, we’re 86ing it. I felt gross when we did it.
#17
Honestly, being forced to wear WHITE HEELS that I'd never wear again... I bought bright peach flats that I wore ALL DAY. My MIL wasn't amused, especially at church. I, however, was delighted that after all of the other concessions I made that day, that I was able to stand my ground in the Orthodox church. But, afterward, I wore them until they became a different color and clearly well worn. No regrets!
Karma Black 11 months ago
I wore a fancy shmancy white dress with a pair of white canvas shoes that had "BRIDE" written on the sides in silver lettering. Everyone actually really loved it.
As old traditions fade, new ones emerge. And one popular wedding trend Jhona says she’s noticed recently is the personalized vow exchange. “This is a trend where the bride and groom write and recite their own vows to each other, instead of repeating the standard ones provided by the officiant,” she explained. “This trend allows the couple to express their love, commitment, and promises in their own words, and to make their ceremony more intimate and meaningful.”
#19
"I now pronounce you Man and Wife!"
Was he not a man before? Is she just a wife now? If people started saying "I now pronounce you Woman and and Husband!" people might think that sounds weird, but it is exactly the same and just as odd.
Chris Jones 11 months ago
A lot of people in the UK now have 'I now pronounce you Husband and Wife' instead.
#20
I don’t know if this is a tradition or more of a general sentiment, but phrases like “getting it out of your system” and “last fling before the ring” regarding indulging in some debauchery before the wedding ceremony are just disgusting.
The idea that someone would feel “the need” to possibly cheat on their partner is awful. There are plenty of couples who go to strip clubs together, too, and that enjoyment wouldn’t disappear after a wedding.
I have heard in movies excuses like, “Oh, at least he/she did it before the wedding” (and let’s be honest—the excuse almost always applies to the male partner).
Chelsea McKee 11 months ago
If you're not ready to f**k one person for the rest of your life you probably shouldn't get married. 🤷🏼♀️
“I think [the trend of personalized vows] is a wonderful and refreshing way to celebrate the uniqueness and authenticity of each couple and their relationship,” Jhona says. “It also gives the guests a chance to witness and share in the couple’s emotions and stories, and to feel more connected and involved in the ceremony. I highly recommend this trend to any couple who wants to add a personal touch and a creative flair to their wedding day.”
If you’d like to hear more about trends or traditions you might want to incorporate into your big day, be sure to visit Bespoke Bride for endless inspiration!
#21
Inviting everyone you’ve ever met.
Or on the flip side when people you don’t see much are upset they’re not invited.
Not sure if that counts as tradition but dang. Just invite the ones you like. Lol
The Other Guest 11 months ago
I attended my at-the-time bosses' (not a typo, business was owned by a married couple) daughter's wedding. I'd met her a couple times, but we weren't friends or anything. There were 300 invited guests. By the time the happy couple had finished greeting everyone at the reception, the servers had cleared all the plates and it was time to cut the cake. They didn't get even one bite of the lovely prime rib dinner.
#22
I wouldn't say they irk me but I think wedding favours are a bit pointless. When I was a waitress in a hotel that did a lot of weddings, around half the guests wouldn't take them and they just ended up either getting thrown away or dumped back on the bride and groom the next day, and it just felt like such a colossal waste of money.
(This is why when I got married, the 'favours' were a striped paper bag in our wedding colours - like the kind you get at the fair or in old fashioned sweet shops - with a slice of wedding cake and a teabag with a blend of tea my ex-husband and I made ourselves, so when people got back to where they were staying they could have some tea and cake.)
Oh, and also the idea that the best man's speech has to be a relentless mickey take of the groom. A bit of light ribbing is OK but I've seen more than one that just descended into outright meanness about the groom, his new wife and her family, and it's not a pleasant experience for anyone involved.
quentariel 11 months ago
I like that the wedding favors are getting more creative. Plants are a growing trend here, and I've seen many ones with a small seedlings or flower seeds. Also alll kinds of random little objects that can be customised are turned into favors. I've seen/heard of fountain pens, matchboxes, heart shaped hand-warmers, bottle openers, lip balms, soap bubble wands, fans... Also edible favors are much more inventive nowadays. I absolutely loved your cake and custom tea bag idea, especially the tea.
#23
Well, not to be a party pooper but I hate the messy ‘hen nights’ and ‘stag dos’ we have in the UK. We’ve managed to traumatise (well, heavily p**s off) most of Europe with these kinda do’s going on in places like Amsterdam, Malaga, Budapest, Benidorm to list a few. It’s embarrassing to be English nowadays, and them day drinking wrecks have a bit to do with it.
I went to college in York and it’s hen and stag do central there because of the pubs and horse racing (and the fact is quite pretty). They caused a lot of vomit on the lovey cobbled streets, in broad daylight, on a sunny Saturday.
#24
The separation of men and women in wedding parties. I'm from a very traditionally Catholic family and am very close to my youngester brother.
The spot of best man always goes to someone in your family that you are closest to (something my mom and dad told my older brothers who each chose each other) but when it came down to my younger brother and I my mom actually laughed at the idea of me being my brother's best maid.
#25
I adore marriage, and have been married over 40 years to my favorite person!
But most wedding traditions-- nay, all of them!-- are upsetting. Archaic, and they smack of ownership and dominion, not partnership.
If I went back in time, I would want us to just elope quietly, skip all the silliness, and I would keep my maiden name.
#26
I’ve been a bridesmaid (or attendant) in 9 weddings. I have come to really hate weddings. I’m so over wearing an ugly dress (unfortunately I have yet to be in a wedding where I liked the dress), spending copious amounts of money, and feeling like glorified servant. It costs me usually around $1000 to be a bridesmaid! Do you know what I could’ve purchased for $9k at this point?!? I think the costly expectations of friends and family are the absolute worst part of the wedding industry. The ugly dress is just the salt in the wound lol.
ScootyPuffJr 11 months ago (edited)
AGREED. Refuse to do it anymore. My best friend decided to simply buy corsages for a few of us closest to her, and didn't have anyone stand up. Perfect.
#27
Honestly, how many events there are surrounding it (stag and doe, bridal shower, engagement party, Bachelorette, you name it) and how expensive everything is. Getting people to travel etc...expensive bridesmaids dresses...don't even get me started on how much brides spend.
I would rather none of the big parties leading up to it, a simple enough ceremony (*not* a destination wedding because honestly you shouldn't do that unless you can cover people's travel expenses), a cheap dress (under $1k), and spend more money on the honeymoon and you know, starting your life together.
#28
Checking the bedsheets for blood the morning after. Taken so seriously in some areas that you can buy fake blood capsules to fool the parents.
Premislaus de Colo 11 months ago
That was a custom in Poland, but like in 13th century. People still do that?
#29
No shade toward people who do a bouquet toss because it's fun and silly and makes you happy, but I personally did not want my wedding to perpetuate a game that makes a bunch of women in heels and nice dresses engage in physical combat for the privilege of being the next woman to get married. The whole "being married to a man is such a prize that women will elbow their girlfriends right in the face in order to beat them to it, and being married to a woman is such a burden that that men have to be forced into it" narrative is tired as hell.
quentariel 11 months ago
Bouquet toss can also be fast a lighthearted tradition without any fighting or struggle. Like the person who manages to grab the bouquet from the air is the one getting it. No-one is trying to steal it from their hands. If it drops to the ground there might me some running, but still the first people reaching it gets it. No stealing, period.
#30
Too many to choose my top irk. So many wedding/marriage traditions are so archaic and/or cringe
Note: most of these are based on het weddings/marriages. Totally understand and love that not all weddings feature a bride or groom
- the wedding dress color reflecting the bride’s sexual past (I get that this isn’t a big thing anymore but still)
- the father “giving” the bride to the groom
- wearing a veil
- the bride changing her last name but not the groom
- joking that the bride/marriage is awful (rude toasts, cringy wedding toppers showing the groom trying to run away and the bride dragging him)
- digging the garter from under the brides skirt and flinging it at the unmarried men. Like what?!
- making the bridesmaids wear the same color/style dress regardless of their body types/preferences/budgets
- going into debt for a one day event
- expecting others to go into debt as part of the wedding party (expensive clothes, destination parties, gifts, etc)
- being so rushed that the bride and groom can’t enjoy their day or spend a few moments together
What do you think ?
DB 11 months ago
The official introduction of the married couple entering into the reception for the first time. All too often it's a tacky, tasteless display especially when set to music. The last wedding I went to the couple entered made their entrance to the song "The Final Countdown".
Ima Manimal 11 months ago
Weddings in general. Just elope and save the money. Most people really don’t want to go to a damn wedding, especially at 2:00 PM on a Saturday…
The Darkest Timeline 11 months ago
Adherence to tradition is desirable only when it makes sense in current context. Many of them continue only because they’re, well, traditional. But if they serve no purpose, nobody should feel obligated to follow them.
Antoinette Maldari 11 months ago
Are you thinking about the couples first dance together as a married couple? That is supposed to be very romantic. Probably the only tradition that signifies romance in ALL the wedding traditions.
Load More Replies... DB 11 months ago
The official introduction of the married couple entering into the reception for the first time. All too often it's a tacky, tasteless display especially when set to music. The last wedding I went to the couple entered made their entrance to the song "The Final Countdown".
Ima Manimal 11 months ago
Weddings in general. Just elope and save the money. Most people really don’t want to go to a damn wedding, especially at 2:00 PM on a Saturday…
The Darkest Timeline 11 months ago
Adherence to tradition is desirable only when it makes sense in current context. Many of them continue only because they’re, well, traditional. But if they serve no purpose, nobody should feel obligated to follow them.
Antoinette Maldari 11 months ago
Are you thinking about the couples first dance together as a married couple? That is supposed to be very romantic. Probably the only tradition that signifies romance in ALL the wedding traditions.
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