One Easter I took my girlfriend to my parents house for dinner. We had ham, deviled eggs, and baked beans. Afterword we just went out for a drive, and wandered up into the mountains where a new neighborhood was being developed--houses were in progress but no one lived there yet. And it stunk. It was vile. She theorized there was a dead animal, or a backup in the sewer system ...

... but it was me ...

The deviled eggs and beans chemically conspired in my belly to convert my digestive tract into a clandestine, invisible, and silent chemical weapons program.

That was more than 20 years ago. I married that girl. To this day if someone says they are looking at a home in that area, she warns them that sometimes the wind changes, and ushers in a wave that smells like someone scraped a roadkill skunk off the asphalt one hot July afternoon, and used it as toilet paper. One day over the summer my son and I went up there for a bike ride, and she worried if we could exert ourselves in that thick putrescence. She tried to warn us away.

And it's too late to confess, right?

SurlyJason , Vincent Rivaud / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Told some friends i knew a language i barley did. Ended up learning said language… Now im a language nerd because i just discovered my love for learning languages.

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I can only tell this story because I later fixed it.

In 2012 I was supposed to be in my final year of undergrad. My school had a graduation requirement they called "languages of the world" that required you to take one of a handful of classes. I could have just taken Stats, but I really hated math. So I decided to take Russian 202 (second year, second semester Russian). But to get there, I had to commit to two years of Russian classes. I passed the first three semesters of Russian classes, but in my final semester of my senior year, I failed Russian 202, which means I did not have the required credits to graduate. I already had a cap and gown, my family was already scheduled to come out. So, I walked at graduation, got the empty diploma folder and moved on.

My first job out of school was working for an attorney as a paralegal. I did not put on my resume that I had graduated, but I did put what school I attended and how long I attended, and the attorney made the assumption that I had a degree. I worked there for 4 years and my degree would come up pretty infrequently. I was good at my job and at one point the attorney offered to help me financially if I decided to go to law school. So in 2016, while applying for law school, I also signed up for an online Stats class. I finished my Stats class (and undergraduate degree) in June 2016 and started law school in August. The only person that ever knew, during that time, that I was not a graduate was my wife.

I ended up doing really well in law school, getting on law review, and have passed the bar in two different states since then. But for about 4 years I lied about graduating undergrad and suddenly found myself having to fix it when my boss offered to pay for part of my law school.

mgsbigdog , Yan Krukau / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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When i was 15 my birthday was in a week when I met my new group of friends. So I told them I was 16. When my birthday actually came around they bought me balloons saying happy 17th birthday.

I'm now 44 and they all still think I'm a year older. It's kinda weird.

Fun_Situation7214 , Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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“I know what I am doing”. 

Now my work colleagues expect me to know what I am doing. .

Cpt_Riker , Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I lied to my school class that I was in the running to be Harry Potter, that I'd gotten down to "the last 3", and that I'd met Daniel Radcliffe. This was in UK year 7, at a new school, and I was the right age for it. Anyway, it kind of took hold through the whole school and I was too embarrassed to come clean, so I maintained the fiction until we all finished school.

I don't really know why I did it, nervous and wanting to be liked probably!

I also said Daniel was a bit of a d**k. So Mr Radcliffe, please accept my apologies for lying about you to all my school mates. If I ever meet him in person I plan to come clean (although I already dodged one chance to do that when I saw him struggling with some luggage in London Victoria train station years ago...).

PangolinMandolin , Warner Bros Report

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I told a girl I know kung Fu when I was like 9, so I had to go out and actually learn Kung Fu to prove it.

Hammy1791 , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I'm not proud of this one or any of the implications, but I was 14 years old, so bear with me.

We were in 9th grade. A girl I was friendly with was talking about how her ex boyfriend was lying about her, saying they had sex or something. She seemed really upset. So I chime in, thinking this is so funny and absurd,

"Just start telling people he asked you to put a d**do up his a*s."

We laugh, I think nothing of it after this moment. The dude she was talking about was a grade or two above us and not in my social circle. Let's call him... Ben Smith.

Towards the end of the school year, I heard a rumor in passing. "Ben Smith wants to be f****d in the a*s." I do a literal double take. I ask my friends about this. Apparently, there are rumors he's secretly gay and people KNOW he sticks things up his butt because he asked his ex to do it.

I didn't know how to handle this. At the time I felt like he deserved it because of how upset the girl was, and he was lying about her first. I laughed about it, didn't really admit that was my lie until after graduation and the story happened to come up again.

As an adult, I just feel guilty. It was homophobic 😬.

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Told my coworkers I was "really into running." Now they keep inviting me to join marathons… and I’m over here struggling to jog up a flight of stairs.

Lupeebaby , Thomas Ronveaux / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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When I was a child. I told my sexy drama teacher that I did ballet outside of school, so she would use me as a partner to dance with in lessons to show the rest of the class. I even told my mum to go along with it on parents evening. Man, I cried so hard when she got married to the P.E teacher :/.

Minute_Ad211 , Johnny Edgardo Guzman / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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That me and my coworker are brothers. We have the same two last names, kinda look similar, and said it as a joke to one of our students, who told the rest of them. At some point he didnt correct one of their parents and now a lot of the school community believe that we are the brothers.

I’ve had to lie about why we barely have photos with our parents (they are divorced), why we didn’t spent Christmas together (he was traveling) etc. It’s so silly, but at the same time I feel a rush every time they ask something and I need to embezzle the lie.

mokokona , Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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"What is a potato?" I said at a dinner.

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This is really embarrassing.

I went to uni and met someone i thought was chill. for some reason, based on how i look etc, he thought i was a massive stoner. I have not smoked weed in my life, tried gummies, nothing like that. I'd definitely like to try it at some point it just never presented itself conveniently in my 23 years of life.

This person started texting me, asking my opinions about weed, how much he should take, what store to get it from, etc. Reddit, let me tell you, instead of owning up to my s**t i did enough research to write a dissertation to not give this person bad advice about how many mg to take, the types of m******na strains, even which dispensaries are owned by whom in our location just in case they wanted it sourced a different way.

at this point they've smoked and thank me for my help, and still send me pics/vids about them being all excited about their weed.

marianamarianasauce , Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I lied to myself and convinced myself I loved my ex. Enough to marry her and become a shell of myself over the years as I withdrew from friends and family.

It took me 5 years to realise.

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I told my Co-workers that we have a car, and now I have to Uber every day and pretend like a personal driver is coming to receive me.

RoyalIntroduction956 , Vitaliy Mitrofanenko / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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When i was in primary school i made up that my older brother is getting married. I ended up photoshopping wedding pictures.

MillyZeusy , Dimitri Kuliuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I told my coworkers i’d totally run a marathon just to sound motivated, and now they keep asking about my training schedule. like, i’ve barely jogged a mile, and now i’m panicking about actually having to run one.

littlealessia , Mateusz Dach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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We had a “big I am” work in our office, was running marathons left right and centre, one of the girls said she would run the next one with him but she was worried she couldn’t keep up with him, about 3 weeks out he did his knee in and even brought in crutches 🩼 and we opened the doors for him and fetched his lunch etc , he quietly left the company, we later discovered on his partner’s social media photos videos of them at a water park the weekend of the marathon , it was all baloney …. 🤦‍♂️.

Maxomaxable23 , Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Saying everything is okay to my parents, now it is hard to tell them when Im not.

i-love-squirting7 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I told this guy I was from Winchestertonfieldville. Turns out it actually exists and he took me on a surprise trip there!! I had to pretend I knew the town!

DarwinianMonkey , Mike Bird / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I once told a friend I loved hiking just to fit in, and now they keep inviting me on these long hikes. I’ve been pretending to enjoy it, but I’m dying inside every time. Now I can’t back out without looking totally fake.

Calantha_Made7TF5 , Rachel Claire / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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It’s no longer out of control. But when I was in high school I was getting in trouble for attendance. The attendance office called me down to discuss and wanted to call my parents. That’s when I used my theatre classes to my advantage. Started the water works and told the attendance lady to not call my house. Because my mother had recently passed and my father was working two jobs to keep the house a float and the stress might be too much for his weak health. They sent me back to class, and never called my parents. Didn’t think I’d actually convinced them and figured it was a matter of time before the lie caught up to me. But at least I had bought myself some time. Well the attendance lady started coving for me and attendance was never an issue again. Until I was 24 and the attendance lady ran into my mother at the local Walmart. Not my proudest moment but I had completely forgotten about it until my mother grilled me about the situation. Mom still gives me s**t to this day, but hey I saved everyone the drama of dealing with my attendance.

McCool303 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I told a guy that I was working at a X place because I didnt liked him and than afterwards he went to the place everyday and text me why dont i see you? Which days are you working etc while I dont work at that place.

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I once told my friend I could cook a gourmet meal, but now they expect five-star dinners every week. My microwave is starting to feel like a chef's hat!

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I just say that I am bout to s**t the hell out of my pants and I get out of every inconvenient situation every time.

bellafit_xo , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I know that I have ADHD. I've known my whole life. I am the most ADHD person that's ever had ADHD. I am combined type. I tick every single box. It's blatantly obvious to every single person who knows me. I'm a teacher and I know a lot about ADHD and what it looks like on young people. I know I have it. The thing is, I'm not diagnosed. Why? My parents think I'm perfect and never thought there was anything wrong that required them to get me checked for anything (despite me being completely off the rails as a kid and them being in front of the school principal on a weekly basis). As an adult, the process to get diagnosed relies on a certain level of organization and memory that I simply don't have, because of the ADHD. I almost got diagnosed once but I had to call back on a certain date to make an appointment and I forgot then I had to wait again. Anyway, I've known for the past 30 years I have it, but right now there's a lot of stigma around being self diagnosed. People think everyone is pretending to have it. I don't think that's the case, I think there's just more awareness now. But if you say you have it, people judge you. I try not to say it anymore but I'm so used to telling people I have it that sometimes it slips out. Then people ask me if I'm diagnosed and give me a look that says they'll judge me based on mt answer. So then I lie and say yes. Then there's always follow up questions. How old were you? What was the process like? Are you medicated? How did being diagnosed change your life? I either have to lie or try to quickly change the subject.

AriasK , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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That i know what the f**k im doing in life.

icyu , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I told my neighbors I knew how to fix household things. Now I’m their unofficial handyman, sometimes I give excuses, and other times I do it with help from YouTube tutorials.

drakelouis202 , Field Engineer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I could cook a gourmet meal for a dinner party. It started as a joke, but then everyone took it seriously and expected me to deliver! I ended up scrambling to learn a few recipes and praying for the best. It turned into a hilarious evening, but I definitely learned my lesson about overpromising.

puffycheeksxx , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I would go visit my friend at his beach house, and their family called me "cousin [my name]" just because I spent a lot of time with them and was the only non-family member. For some reason they decided to tell one of the cousins' boyfriends that the reason they called me cousin was because I was recently adopted into the family by an aunt who wasn't there, who sent me down to connect with the family (I was 18 at the time). Dude bought it with no problem, and eventually everyone abandoned the payoff of telling him because it was just so fun saying "Cousin [my name]!!!" This went on over 2 summers. Turns out they broke up, so he'll never know that we made it all up and I'm not actually an adopted member of the family.

Like40ofem , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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