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“I’d Lose My Marriage, My Kids”: 50 Secrets That These People Keep From Their Loved Ones
At the end of the day, every person you have ever met, including yourself, has some secrets that they will simply never share. Life is complicated and there are often times when telling the truth perhaps just is not worth it.
Someone asked “What's that one secret you can't share with your friends or family?” and people from across the internet shared their hidden thoughts. So prepare to take a deep dive into some folk's only opportunity to vent, upvote the most interesting stories, and leave your own thoughts in the comment sections below.
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#1
I'm learning my wife's native language as a surprise for our wedding anniversary.
#2
I'm the one who called the police on my little brother. Possession, of illegal drugs, and the selling of them to minors the minute I found this out I called the police
#3
I didn't "eat at work" I just pretend that I did so my kids don't feel bad about eating when I'm too broke to afford enough food.
#4
I'm contemplating on disappearing from my husband and family. Everyone in my life has been a negative force and has made me depressed for years. I been saving money for the past 3 years and thinking about leaving a note and getting on a plane and disappearing to another country. I don't have children so I have nothing for me to stay here for.
#5
That one of my friends got really drunk and found my shotgun pumped it and pulled the trigger while pointing at me. I unloaded it that day because I knew we would be drinking. He's no longer my friend and I'd be dead if I didn't do that
#6
Mines more on the funny light-hearted side. Years ago my dad got a new mower. My mom was out mowing for him on a really hot day. It should be noted all of us are grown up and out of the house. Anyways my dad came home for lunch and my mom is drenched in sweat and looks miserable and yells to my dad "this mower isn't self propelled for s**t!" Which my dad shows her she has to pull up on this lever and voila there it goes. We continue to give her some s**t for that to this day.
Well 2 years ago we were getting me and my wifes house ready for our backyard wedding to save $. My dad came down and was helping me get everything up and going including yard work. He mowed using my mower and I was doing other s**t. At the end he said to me "man your mower is a piece of s**t. It doesn't self propel at all" and I proceeded to show him basically the exact same lever to make it self propelled. He looks at me and goes "OH s**t I did it too! Nobody can ever know until my death bed ok? Especially Jon". Jon is his best friend.
#7
I’m happy my older brother passed away. Yeah, I do get sad here and there, but he was always in and out of jail my entire life. When he was out, he wasn’t really around as he was chasing the next way to make quick cash. He became a junkie at the age of 38 and OD at the age of 43. Left behind 4 kids as well. Now, I’m not happy he died alone and scared, it’s just that I know where he is now, if that makes sense. There is no more worried phone calls from my mom and his kids asking if he’s back in jail, or where he is. When he was locked up, we really didn’t worry as we knew where he was. I can’t tell my mom that, even though she’s is pain from losing her first child, it just doesn’t hit me the same. I also get bitter towards her for always talking about it and my response is “he’s not suffering, looking for his next fix, and we know where he is now.”
I love my brother and always have. But the weight that’s lifted off my shoulders feels amazing.
I truly do feel for his kids though. They never got a chance to meet the awesome person he was before drugs and crime
Littlemiss 1 year ago
I'm pretty sure my husband's family feels the same way about one of his siblings.
#8
I'm secretly hoping my grandparents pass soon. One has cancer and the other, dementia. Their quality of life is nonexistent. Both of them can't take care of themselves. Once they go, there will be so much less stress on my dad and his family.
I've never seen my dad truly upset, and I've only seen him cry once. I've never seen grief affect him, and I'm scared to. He's always been the "strong" one in my life.
BlitheSpirit 1 year ago
I’m so sorry 😞 But you are right - there is a difference between “living” and “existing”.
#9
I am seriously mentally crashing and burning. I have always been considered “the happy” guy. But it was because I chose to be happy and it was a lot of hard work to keep a decent attitude. Over the years more and more gets piled on and you eventually just get tired. I am in my 50s. By all metrics I have it made, but damn if I am just ready to crawl under a rock. It is torture to get through the day.
#10
That I need a big f*****g hug.
#11
I can't show my mother, the person that inspired/motivated me the most to the creative arts, my work due to it having some LGBT aspects.
For context, we live in a country where gay marriage is still illegal, our highly religious society condems it and violence against it is rampant.
I've seen my mom trying to claw her way out of that mindset and went from religious taught raging homophobia to being "just" somewhat uncomfortable with it but generally accepting. But as she grows older the toxic echo chamber grows louder and she is just too tired to keep fighting it. She just keeps her thoughts to herself nowadays.
It makes me really sad I can't show her how far her encouraging words have taken me, but at this point she just wants to live comfortably. I don't want her to rock the boat and get harrassed by people around her for showing her support and pride for me.
#12
That I stopped believing in Mormonism 15 years ago. I’d lose my marriage, my kids, and my whole social structure - probably my job. I have to keep going along and make it “look good” or I lose everything.
#13
that no matter how successful they think i am, i am deeply, deeply, depressed. despite being in a relationship, i am intensly lonely and i hate my life.
#14
I’ve always disliked my sister. She loves me and looks up to me and always wants to talk and be near me but I just don’t like her. It started with things like her telling people she grew up in an affluent part of New York when she did not. Or when my mom took her to get her first car and she took photos with my mom but then went to take photos in front of her friends house because it was nicer and posted those so people would think she lived in a better area. Or when I noticed she never shared holiday photos with our family and only shared holiday photos with her in laws in them. Our mom was poor, she’s missing teeth, she doesn’t look like an elegant older lady from a Cialis commercial, but her MIL does and her sister in law is the typical Christian girl autumn instagram mom type.
She’s embarrassed by her upbringing and by us, and I think she’s a terrible person for it.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
Makes me think of the classic Australian novel "Hating Alison Ashley", where the protagonist Erika is horribly jealous and spiteful toward the new girl Alison for living in a nice house with plenty of nice things and parents who have money, and is arrogant and dismissive toward her own family for being what she considers uncouth and lower-class. But she ultimately finds out that Alison envies *her* because for all the nice things that she has her divorced mother is cold and demanding, while Erika's family is close knit and loving. Before learning her lesson, Erika also has a major habit of telling grandiose lies to try and make her life and family sound more glamorous. (It's a great book! Childhood favourite of mine).
#15
That I'm at the end of my tether. I can't remember the last time I felt any joy or hope. My days kind of just blend into each other.
Employment feels so out of reach. I don't know how I'll survive in a couple of years time. I can't talk to my family about this. They will just scream at me and ask me what is wrong with me.
I just wish I had a reason for my misery.
Kimberly Alison 1 year ago
Well your family sounds rather crappy. There is nothing wrong with you. Any chance you can find a therapist to talk to? Life is hard for many of us. ❤️
#16
That my sister ended her life. My parents are japanese and there is a major stigma around it. Have not been able to tell other family and neighbors. So strange having to lie about something that is on my mind every second of the day!
#17
I've created a fictional man and woman in my head that I often imagine being. I have even created a family tree for them and a timeline of their lives.
#18
It's been 20 years and I'd still never tell my mom I took her old Honda Civic out to the pub while she was at work once as a teenager. I'll probably still get the slipper...
#19
I started an only fans to pay for my heart surgery when they think I’m just going to get a loan.
Bear Hall 1 year ago
It was like this since the first sun rise. But now we have the wealthiest economies in the history of mankind. Our medicines are like miracles compared to what they had even like 50 years ago. Though we still don't provide for those who's life could be saved by some money. Shame on us.
#20
That all the invasive medical procedures I had during my childhood made me feel violated and that’s the reason I don’t enjoy any kind of physical contact. Lord only knows how I’ve managed to stay married for so long
Mary Kelly 1 year ago
see a therapist who specializes in ptsd, and find a way to tell your husband...it will likely make you closer
#21
I will ask them questions about things I have no interest in, because I know they love to talk about it. I’m super bored but won’t show it, and they think I’m a great listener! I
#22
That I'm a lesbian.
I've always, ALWAYS loved girls ever since i was still a kid. Never have i feel something more for the boys back then and men's nowadays. Even though i live in heteronomative area. I can only imagine myself with a girl, not the other.. So, i came from a Muslim family, and i am a Muslim too.. ( Don't tell me to leave my religion, for unknown reason my heart feel calm here). Sure, my family is not super religious, but i still don't think i can come out to them. Big chance they'll not kick me from the house, but also big chance they'll be mad at me for several months, they might not accept that their beloved daughter is a lesbian..
Idk, I'm scared.. I know I'm an adult, but still..
Kimberly Alison 1 year ago
Of course you don’t have to give up your faith. God is love, not judgement. I hope you find the girl of your dreams.
#23
I was a sugar baby, only for about a year, but it helped me move out and be on my own
Kiaya Thompson 1 year ago
Consenting adults should be allowed to do what they want, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
#24
That in this world of tik tok and social media and the internet, I don’t know if my wife and I are raising our kids the right way. I worry that my kids will never be able to make it out on their own and be self sufficient.
Joe Publique 1 year ago
I don't know a parent who doesn't feel this way. Relax. You've got this.
#25
My GF is pregnant and going to keep it. My friends and family are all happy for me, but if i could choose i would not want a child at this time. I love my independance and freedom and it feels like its all being taken away from me.
Janet Sparrow 1 year ago
I get it but you know you should have taken responsibility for birth control. Sorry honey. You can do this. You don't have to be with the mother. You can say no to that and share custody.
#26
How extremely close I am to just leaving everything behind.
Getting in a car and just driving away - boarding the next plane no matter where it goes - just getting on a train and leaving. I think about that daily.
My whole life I kind of waited for things to happen, my current situation is mostly because I almost never take the initiative and do something daring. It’s not that I’m unhappy with my life - it just seems so boring and I feel like I exist more than I actively live.
I have a small amount of money on the side, I know 4 languages and I don’t mind doing s****y jobs to get settled.
Theoretically I could leave right now - but a part of me still thinks I owe my friends and family something and I couldn’t just leave.
Katrina Nixon 1 year ago
You don't owe anyone anything. Your life is yours, to do what you want with.
#27
I’ve been uploading music on all streaming platforms under anonymously an alias and have amassed over a half million streams in the first year on Spotify alone. Couple hundred thousand on others. I make underground rap / alternative music.
I take judgement very to the heart which is why I have never told any friends or family, but it’s hard making up excuses of what I do with my time.
Luckily we live in such an era where artists can stay anonymous and focus on what they make not who they are supposed to please in their circle.
Thee8thsense 1 year ago
Well, it seems your music is being enjoyed by many people, so that's worth celebrating, as music is for sharing. However, in life, no matter what you do, there will be people who don't dig it, so I suggest keeping the ones who do in mind, rather than thinking you can please everyone.
#28
I think my mother helped my dad end his life from a terminal situation.
#29
I’m not too busy to visit my grandmother before she dies. I hate her and I’ll be happy when she kicks the bucket. I take a lot of joy knowing that I’ll probably never see her again. And when that blessed day comes, I’m not going to the funeral.
#30
I'm married and have been in a loving polyamorous relationship with another married woman for almost 2 years. My wife is also in a relationship with the same woman and her husband.
Due to ALL of our religious upbringings, if either of our families or social circles found out about what really goes on with our "best friends", it would be a scandal at best, catastrophic at worst. We all love each other and spend most of our free time with one another but we have to keep a very significant chunk of our lives a closely guarded secret and it's hard.
Edit: The husband is my best friend but we're not romantically involved.
Madison Miles 1 year ago
Love this! I too am in a poly relationship, it the healthiest relationship that any of us has ever had. Respectful, loving, honest, understanding...just all around healthy and happy. I'm sorry that you guys feel you need to hide it. I hope more people are comfortable coming 'out' in wanting a nontraditional relationship.
#31
I had to choose my major in Degree under family pressure. I wanted to do something else...
#32
That I am a manic depressive person and that I really really have a hard time dealing with anxiety etc. They would just laugh at me and say don't be a wussy...
#33
That I am planning on my dad moving in with me once he is released from prison. My mom can’t find out beforehand she would lose it. Just keep saying ima cross that bridge when I get there
#34
I'm asexual.
I've tried with my mother but that went nowhere and was upsetting her so I said wow you're gullible and act differently to keep up the charade.
I have no interest in sex a relationship with either sex I enjoy me myself and I.
Her first response to it how do I know without having a relationship with anyone.
Like how people know what they like gay straight ect.
Porn doesn't do anything for me.
If I'm horny I just deal with it myself and that's that.
My father highly religious would reject me so I just keep to myself and enjoy my life.
My mother still tries to get me to meet people I just decline the offer it's not me and I won't waste a person's time knowing my stance it's not fair to them.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
I get the Ace part, but the suggestion is that their asexuality is coupled with a lack of desire for intimacy and partnership, which are not inherently sexual. I know quite a few Ace couples and even more Ace individuals who still date or seek nonsexual companionship.
#36
Im an atheist and my whole family is müslim
kweeerkwamiii 1 year ago
Yeah me too, most of my family is catholic. I've been baptised & confirmed but I don't believe in any religion.
#37
My wife is pregnant. We haven't had a scan yet so we're waiting until we know that all is ok and we're a bit further along
#38
I was happier when I was an alcoholic.
Mary Kelly 1 year ago
well, to be fair, you probably were depressed before and while you were drinking...you were self-medicating w/ drink...now that you are not drinking, nothing to mask the pain...please go to a therapist and get medication specifically designed for depression before you start self-medicating again....all the best of luck
#39
They think I'm single and celibate only because I want to be. While I'm entirely comfortable with it I opted for celibacy because I have insecurities it would be unfair to project onto a partner.
#40
My eldest brother, who is over 15 years older than me, is actually my half brother. Aside from my parents, I'm the only one who knows. He's framed his entire life on the lineage of our father, who adopted him when he was 1 when he married my mother. He'll never know. He just had a baby this month, a little girl. Dad is already in love with his granddaughter. It'll be on my shoulders to tell him when my parents pass.
Mary Kelly 1 year ago
do NOT ever tell him...if your parents do tell him, you DON'T...he will feel betrayed and will not be able to reconcile with your parents...
#41
That my dad had an affair when he died. Mom never found out and never will.
Dorothy Stovall 1 year ago
You'd be surprised to learn that she probably already knew and had/has her own reasons for the pretense.
#42
I hate my brother in law to the point I can’t be around him. His a sneaky manipulative loser who just uses people while picking up and dropping friends and family when they are useful. The amount of times I’ve had my fiancé crying on me about the latest trash things his done to her and then in the next breath is defending him.
The amount of financial and mental abuse she’s put up from him but because his the golden child the rest of the family won’t hear anything bad about him. So rather then him making him cry in front of everyone and nuking the situation I just stay away and make excuses not to attend family events.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I had this s**t in my previous relationship. Psychopathic conspiracy theorist who kept threatening me with violence. Get out or give her the choice to ostracise him. If she can't keep him away, leave her.
#43
I never liked my MIL. My spouse and his side of the family have no idea, and would be hurt and offended if I admitted that. She passed a long time ago, so there's no good reason to tell them.
#44
I don't know if it's wise to say it here but... well, substances.
#45
An epic sexual history.
WindySwede 1 year ago
If it was consensual and not cheating, that would just beeing "bringing experience into the relationship"?
#46
Just how much any of them makes me unhappy. It's not really one secret since each person hurts me a different way. But I think it's just my mental illness that's really making me feel this. Because I irrationally hate everyone.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
Same here. I dislike everyone I interact with and get annoyed by my friends even though they’re nice people. I’m annoyed by everyone but I keep my mouth shut most of the time as I can’t deal with the consequences of not doing so
#47
I have two (I've only told my wife these two stories): Growing up my father was the manager of a grocery store. He stole from the store - but it was usually cereal for us kids, crackers for the family, and never a lot and never anything the family didn't **need**. He did it to help us make ends meet. (Yes, it took me until my teen years to realize this). One day my mom took me shopping and be, being a 5 year old during a relatively safe time for a 5 year old to wander around a store unattended (70's) I was in the bakery and my dad walked up to me and shoved a bunch of muffins in my coat pockets (it was winter, so I had a big winter jacket on). When we got home I started to take them out and my mom started to get mad at me for stealing. I told her that dad had put them in my pockets. She instantly stopped, but I can still tell today she was very angry. When my dad got home my mom sent my sister and I to one of our rooms to play. My parents never fought but there was an argument going. He never had me steal anything again. But, the thought that he would use his child to steal from a store. I've always had a disrespect for people who use their children to commit a crime (and yes, it was just some muffins, but still). If you do it your self then you're putting yourself at risk but if you use your child then not only are you putting them at risk, you're teaching them a really bad lesson. The second one, my first serious relationship (mid 1990's, about 2 years long) with the first girl I actually loved. She had a rough home life and was susceptible to bad influences but when she was with me she tried to be a better person (and wanted to be a better person). We were great together but as time progressed things fell apart and we broke up. During one of our post breakup fights she claimed I didn't know anything about her but I told her I was working with the company I worked for at the time to transfer me to the next state so I could be close to the college she really wanted to go to (and help her be able to afford to go). Instantly the anger in her face disappeared and was replaced with self-disappointment. It was the last time I saw her in person. She called me a couple of years later but I had spent the day deep sea fishing with my GF at that time and I was extremely tired (it was rough seas, even for the north Atlantic). I kinda blew her off and she ended up hanging up on me. If I have the timing right, she took her life roughly 6-8 months later.
#48
I just realized today I have an over the counter pain killer problem. I don't need to burden my family with the news.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
OTC? Wouldn't that be like Tylenol or Advil? Not exactly NA level stuff. Maybe you mean prescription pain med problem? That's an NA issue.
#49
I'm gay, I dropped out of college, I'm not interested in dating, I cut my hair, I have mental health issues, I use social media, I run an online store, I enjoy user generated content
#50
That I genuinely don’t love them (my parents specifically). I just feel like there is no reason to owe a life debt to two people just because they brought you to this hellhole of a planet. I should be grateful that I’m here? I didn’t ask for this. It’s your fault that I’m here. You can’t pay for things because you gave yourselves a third person to take care of. Not my choice. You want me to give up my contentment to simp for a metaphysical deity that you believe in only because you were essentially indoctrinated into a legal cult as an easily impressionable child? No. I owe you few thousands of dollars that you don’t even want me to pay back. I can’t tell them this because I don’t like hurting people in general. They did nothing wrong to me, really, that’s just what I feel. I’m sorry if I sound entitled, I’m just adding to this thread.
Joe Publique 1 year ago
Angsty teenager. The planet is a 'hellhole? Check. I didn't ask to be here? Check. It's your fault that I'm here? Check. You struggled to bring me up but that's your fault? Check. I don't share your beliefs? Check. Sounds like OP has a lot of growing up to do.
What do you think ?
Sweet Fanny Adams 1 year ago
If you're feeling low, it is important to speak to someone. Here is a list of telephone numbers to contact around the world... https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm
Gustav Gallifrey 1 year ago (edited)
So many times, people say 'Get help', 'find a therapist', have a professional on hand when the times comes', etc., etc. It's like, there, i've told you what to do, now you have no excuse. A lot of these people, and more like them, just don't have the resources to do that. All those kinds of help cost money, a whole lot of money. And even in countries where the health systems do provide that kind of help, those services are usually swamped by drug-addicted clients referred to them for rehabilitation, to say nothing of the dangerously mentally-ill, and people for whom being 'mentally ill' is something of a profession/hobby. Good luck finding one with the time available to help you with your case of depression.
MusicalNerd 1 year ago
Let me just share my favorite online chat line that helps people: https://www.thehopeline.com/
Sweet Fanny Adams 1 year ago
If you're feeling low, it is important to speak to someone. Here is a list of telephone numbers to contact around the world... https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm
Gustav Gallifrey 1 year ago (edited)
So many times, people say 'Get help', 'find a therapist', have a professional on hand when the times comes', etc., etc. It's like, there, i've told you what to do, now you have no excuse. A lot of these people, and more like them, just don't have the resources to do that. All those kinds of help cost money, a whole lot of money. And even in countries where the health systems do provide that kind of help, those services are usually swamped by drug-addicted clients referred to them for rehabilitation, to say nothing of the dangerously mentally-ill, and people for whom being 'mentally ill' is something of a profession/hobby. Good luck finding one with the time available to help you with your case of depression.
MusicalNerd 1 year ago
Let me just share my favorite online chat line that helps people: https://www.thehopeline.com/
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