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40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time

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A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your audience amused (that is if you’ve calculated your timing perfectly). Hence, if you are looking for a comedic shure-shot, we’ve just the thing for you — a thorough list of the best one-liners on the Internet!

Another thing with these one line jokes is that they work amazingly well for, say, movie characters like James Bond. He always has a hilarious and laconic quip after disposing of his enemies and is well remembered for it! In fact, probably no other jokes, but funny one liners are forever at the top of the popularity Everest by being so accessible, understandable, and ultimately funny.

Thus, we are thrilled to have the opportunity to present you with our choices of the best jokes that fall under this category; our hopes are pretty high to entertain you with this one! So now, it is precisely time that you scroll down below to check out the best one liners that we found! From punny ones to straight-up corny and from cute to sarcastic one liners, there’s a joke for absolutely anyone here.

And after you find the one that has cracked you up, be sure to vote for it! But, if such a sad instance occurs and you can’t find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

233points

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#2

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

162points

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#3

The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

148points

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What are one-liner jokes?

Simply put, a one-liner is a very short joke that delivers its punchline in just one sentence. A good one-liner should always be concise and meaningful or, if you want a fancy word for it — pithy. Although these one line jokes are most often used as a part of a bigger performance, it doesn’t mean they don’t work as standalone quips. In fact, one might even argue that the shorter the joke — the more powerful the reaction!

Funny one line jokes can also be used as a punchline of a real or fictional character, just the same as a catchphrase would. Basically, due to being so short, these jokes are very universal and can be used in a variety of circumstances (appropriate ones, of course) and ways.

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#4

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

146points

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#5

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I'm not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.

137points

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#6

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $6.30 now.

132points

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What is the best one-liner?

Now, this is where it gets a bit biased! Each and every one of us have slightly different sense of humor and taste for our jokes, so nominating just one one-liner as the best is a tough job to say the least. However, since you, our dear readers always have an excellent taste for jokes, this one here seems to have reached number one position on our list:

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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

So, can we agree that we found the funniest one-liner ever? Well, at least one of the best jokes, for sure!

#7

I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

132points

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#8

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

130points

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#9

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

127points

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How To Write One-Liners?

If you want to try your hand at writing one-liners, kudos to you! Homebred jokes are always the funniest and the most relevant. That said, writing one-liners comes with its own set of rules, albeit a short one:

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Set your joke up for success by making it super short;
Start with a setup that seems like it’s going to one direction only;
Give it a plot twist right at the end!

By following these simple one-liner writing rules, you'll be bound for success; we’re pretty certain of it. However, if you need a bit more inspiration and a little more examples of the best one-liners, keep reading our list!

#10

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

114points

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#11

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

110points

#12

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

106points

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#13

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

104points

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#14

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… But the kids still get in.

102points

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#15

Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.

101points

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#16

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

96points

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#17

The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.

96points

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#18

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

92points

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#19

Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

92points

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#20

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Is your bottom jealous of the amount of crap that comes out of your mouth?

87points

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#21

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

86points

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#22

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

85points

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#23

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

85points

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#24

So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.

83points

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#25

A blind man walked into a bar… And a table… And a chair…

81points

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#26

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

78points

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#27

The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.

75points

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#28

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

74points

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#29

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

73points

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#30

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

72points

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#31

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

66points

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#32

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time "You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace."

65points

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#33

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

65points

#34

Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

63points

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#35

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

63points

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#36

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

59points

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#37

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

57points

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#38

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

55points

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#39

A perfectionist walked into a bar... Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

52points

#40

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."

45points

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#41

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.

34points

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#42

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

32points

#43

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

31points

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#44

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

31points

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#45

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

30points

#46

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

29points

#47

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

29points

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#48

Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.

29points

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#49

What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street?
A large fortune.

29points

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#50

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

29points

#51

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

28points

#52

Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

28points

#53

I threw a boomerang a couple years ago. I now live in constant fear.

28points

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#54

Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu — you get what you deserve.

28points

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#55

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

27points

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#56

Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

27points

#57

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

26points

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#58

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

26points

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#59

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

26points

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#60

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

26points

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#61

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

26points

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#62

A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

25points

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#63

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

25points

#64

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

25points

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#65

I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’

25points

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#66

My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

25points

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#67

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

25points

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#68

A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’

24points

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#69

Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

23points

#70

Our child has a great deal of willpower — and even more won’t power.

23points

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#71

Never trust atoms - they make up everything.

22points

#72

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.

22points

#73

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.

22points

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#74

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

22points

#75

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22points

#76

Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

22points

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#77

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.

21points

#78

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

20points

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#79

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

20points

#80

I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

20points

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#81

I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.

20points

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#82

My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’

20points

#83

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

20points

#84

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

20points

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#85

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.

20points

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#86

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

20points

#87

I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

19points

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#88

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

19points

#89

Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

19points

#90

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.

19points

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#91

I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming.

18points

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#92

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

18points

#93

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

18points

#94

A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.

18points

#95

I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.

18points

#96

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

18points

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#97

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.

18points

#98

Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it in a remote location.

18points

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#99

"Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is 'Good for you!'”

17points

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#100

‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.

17points

#101

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.

17points

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#102

What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.

17points

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#103

At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? Elementary.

17points

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#104

Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.

16points

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#105

"Some people just have a way with words, and other people… Oh… Not have way."

16points

#106

If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?

16points

#107

I never knew what happiness was until I got married — and then it was too late.

16points

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#108

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.

16points

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#109

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.

16points

#110

What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab.

16points

#111

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.

16points

#112

Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics.

16points

#113

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

16points

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#114

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

16points

#115

"A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times."

15points

#116

"I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos."

15points

#117

"Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside."

15points

#118

Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.

15points

#119

They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.

15points

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#120

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

15points

#121

I have clean conscience. I haven’t used it once until now.

14points

#122

A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”

14points

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#123

A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.

14points

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#124

What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

14points

#125

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.

14points

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#126

I used to believe that all things must pass — until I got stuck behind a school bus.

14points

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#127

Have you played the updated kids' game? I Spy With My Little Eye... Phone.

12points

#128

"All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity."

10points

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#129

“Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself.”

10points

#130

"Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best."

10points

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#131

"Drama: a word boring people use to describe fun people."

8points

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Linas Simonaitis

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

What do you think ?

David Martin 2 years ago

The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles

5points

Dagnirath 2 years ago

I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."

5points

Lauren Caswell 2 years ago

Don't worry, that guy is armless

3points

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phil blanque 2 years ago

"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)

5points

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David Martin 2 years ago

The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles

5points

Dagnirath 2 years ago

I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."

5points

Lauren Caswell 2 years ago

Don't worry, that guy is armless

3points

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phil blanque 2 years ago

"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)

5points

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